FIC: What If? 1/7
Title: What If?
Rating: PG
Pairings: Lily Evans and James Potter and Lily Evans and Severus Snape
Warnings: None
Genre: Drama, Supernatural, Bit of Romance, Bit of Angst
Length: 13,137 (total fic)
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
Summary: What if Lily had the chance to live her life over again with the knowledge of what had happened before? Inspired by the fabulous do-over novel Replay by Ken Grimwood.
Previously posted at fanfiction.net and The HPN.
Déjà vu
There was a flash of green light and pain like nothing she’d ever known before.
Lily Evans woke with a scream.
“Lily, are you up yet? You don’t want to miss the train on your first day!”
Lily looked around the room of the London hotel. It was the same hotel she and her family had stayed in every year the night before she returned to Hogwarts. She hadn’t been back in years. What was she doing here now?
“Mum says to hurry up,” Petunia said as she poked her head round the door.
“Mum?” Lily asked as she looked at her sister in shock.
What was happening?
He’d found them. Despite all their plans Voldemort had tracked them down in Godric’s Hollow.
He’d been after Harry.
James hadn’t been able to stop him. She hadn’t been able to stop him.
She’d died and her year old son had been left to the mercy of Lord Voldemort…a man…no, a monster…who had no mercy within him at all.
“Come on sleepy head, up an’ at ‘em.”
Lily crawled from the bed as her father called through the door. She stumbled across the room to the dresser and gazed into the cracked mirror.
It wasn’t possible!
Except her eyes were telling her that the impossible had indeed happened.
The face staring back at her in the mirror was one she hadn’t seen in ten years. She was eleven years old again and about to travel to Hogwarts for the very first time. She’d meet James again for the first time in just a couple of hours.
None of it had happened yet.
She didn’t question why the unbelievable had happened. There would be time to figure it out later. She just had to make sure that there was a later.
She had another chance…only this time she knew who it was who’d betrayed them.
Peter wouldn’t sell them to Voldemort this time…she’d make sure of that.
-o-xXx-o-
Don’t change too much, don’t change too much, don’t change too much.
It had become a mantra over the years.
Lily had watched events unfold as they had done the first time around, first with a sense of shock and later with an eerie feeling of Déjà vu.
She and Severus were best friends again. They had been sorted into separate houses again. She’d found new friends in Gryffindor; he’d idolised the Death Eaters from his position in the house of Slytherin.
Classes were easier and she found her marks were much improved on the previous time around. She also found she was mastering spells and charms quicker than anyone else in her year much to the delight of the Professors.
But it wasn’t always easy and sometimes the temptation to change things had been almost unbearable.
Perhaps she should have warned Severus about Remus’s condition? He’d guessed correctly but had still gone into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow. Maybe if he’d known for sure he would have stayed away. Then, just maybe the incident after their DADA OWLs might not have taken place.
She wondered too, if she should have forgiven Severus for what he’d called her during that scene. With the benefit of a few extra years of wisdom she realised that he’d been genuinely sorry and this time around she regretted losing his friendship even more than she had the first time.
It was only her resolve to keep her life on much the same track as before had kept her from altering things even more.
As much as she might have wished otherwise, she needed James to trust her judgement more than Sirius’s when the time came to decide who should be their Secret Keeper. If she remained friends with Severus, James wouldn’t trust her judgement. He didn’t like or trust Severus and she knew instinctively that he wouldn’t trust her opinion if she didn’t relinquish the friendship.
She avoided Severus almost constantly through their last two years at Hogwarts and tried to ignore the hurt in his eyes. It had been so much easier to ignore that same wounded look the last time.
She told herself that when it was all over she’d look him up, try to explain and maybe win back his friendship. But it didn’t make her decision any easier.
People’s lives were at stake…if she, James and Harry were to survive then sacrifices had to be made and her friendship with Severus was the biggest one.
The one thing she had tried to do was to try and convince James and the others of Peter’s perfidy whilst they were still in school. Unfortunately she’d had virtually no success in her endeavours.
She and James had never been close during their first few years at school and this time around had been no different, despite her best efforts to change that.
She’d discovered that whilst she might remember that they were meant to be together, James remembered nothing at all of their life after Hogwarts…or if he did he was maintaining the same silence as she was.
He had acted in very much the same way as he had before and nothing she said or did seemed to make any difference to him.
And so it was that by the time she and James went on their first date, this time early in their sixth year, Peter was well in with the group, liked, trusted and poised to betray them once more.
-o-xXx-o-
It was the moment she’d been waiting for.
“We bluff them,” Sirius declared from his seat near the fireplace in the cosy living room. “Let everyone think I’m the Secret Keeper and I’ll draw them off. Meanwhile Peter will be the Secret Keeper and can go into hiding himself.”
“No!”
“Why not?” James asked. “It’s perfect. No one will ever suspect we’d use Peter.”
“He’s a Death Eater,” said Lily in what she hoped was a calm but firm tone.
“Don’t be silly,” James replied with a knowing smirk at Sirius.
Lily glared at them both. “It’s not a joke.”
“You’ve never liked Peter,” Sirius pointed out. “You just don’t want to think Remus would betray you.”
“Why are you two so sure to think that Remus would?” Lily countered. “He’s one of your best friends.”
“Voldemort’s recruiting werewolves,” said James in a sad voice. “Someone’s betraying our movements to him and Remus is the most likely suspect.”
“But you’re wrong,” Lily cried. “Peter’s a Death Eater.”
She jumped to her feet and shot glares at James and Sirius as they exchanged knowing smirks.
“Sounds like hormones talking,” Sirius said. “You’re sure that Harry isn’t going to be getting a little brother or sister some time next year?”
James grinned widely but didn’t deny the teasing accusation.
“I’m not pregnant,” Lily hissed. “And I’m not hysterical. You have to listen to me…Peter. Is. A. Death. Eater.”
“That time of the month?” Sirius asked with a wicked grin that earned him a swift, sharp kick to the leg.
She’d hoped to avoid telling anyone how she knew that it was Peter who would betray them. Although she’d considered it many times over the last decade she had always decided against it. After all, who would believe her?
With little more than a week left she knew she had no choice. It was time to tell them what had happened and hope that somehow she could convince them it was the truth.
“I’m reliving my life,” she began. “Everything from my first day at Hogwarts onwards I’m doing all over again but with the memory of what happened before. Last time we used Peter as Secret Keeper and he sold us out to Voldemort. On Halloween night his master will track us down here and kill us all.”
“Lily…” James stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders, easing her back down onto the sofa. He sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. “You can’t be reliving your life. It’s just not possible.”
“James is right,” Sirius agreed as he moved across to take a seat next to her. “If it were possible then wizards would have managed it long before now.”
With the two of them on either side of her, reassuring her with their presence and their words, she could almost believe it were true.
“Even if you don’t believe me, why risk it?” she finally asked. “I think it’s Peter, you think it’s Remus. Why risk it being either of them by calling a bluff?”
“It’s the best plan we’ve got,” James replied. “You just have to trust us.”
“You do trust us, don’t you?” asked Sirius in a concerned voice. “We’d never risk your life or Harry’s if we weren’t sure.”
“But don’t you see that you are?” Lily asked with a sob.
“It’ll be all right,” James assured her and she knew she hadn’t done enough.
By showing how much she distrusted Peter all these years she’d ruined her only chance of saving them all. James and Sirius simply thought that it was her own prejudices talking and try as she might, she couldn’t see a way to steer events off of the disastrous course they were taking.
Over the next few hours she tried to convince them she was telling the truth, but they wouldn’t listen.
They knew best.
They trusted Peter.
It’d be all right.
Except it wouldn’t be all right.
Only when the Fidelius Charm was in place did Lily stop arguing her case.
It was too late.
-o-xXx-o-
Halloween night arrived and Lily sat watching the clock tick away the remaining seconds of their lives.
“Keep you wand with you,” she reminded James repeatedly. She could at least make sure that this time they were prepared.
“We’re safe,” James replied. “If Peter was going to betray us then he’d have done so by now.”
“He has betrayed us,” answered Lily in a resigned tone. “It’s only a matter of time before He arrives.”
-o-xXx-o-
The crash of the door bursting open came right on time.
It was too late.
She’d failed.
James was gone.
She held her wand aloft, ready for the moment He came through the door to the nursery.
She’d go down fighting this time.
-o-xXx-o-
Pain came once more and the green light filled her eyes as she died for a second time.
Lily Evans woke with a scream once more.
Part 2
Rating: PG
Pairings: Lily Evans and James Potter and Lily Evans and Severus Snape
Warnings: None
Genre: Drama, Supernatural, Bit of Romance, Bit of Angst
Length: 13,137 (total fic)
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
Summary: What if Lily had the chance to live her life over again with the knowledge of what had happened before? Inspired by the fabulous do-over novel Replay by Ken Grimwood.
Previously posted at fanfiction.net and The HPN.
Déjà vu
There was a flash of green light and pain like nothing she’d ever known before.
Lily Evans woke with a scream.
“Lily, are you up yet? You don’t want to miss the train on your first day!”
Lily looked around the room of the London hotel. It was the same hotel she and her family had stayed in every year the night before she returned to Hogwarts. She hadn’t been back in years. What was she doing here now?
“Mum says to hurry up,” Petunia said as she poked her head round the door.
“Mum?” Lily asked as she looked at her sister in shock.
What was happening?
He’d found them. Despite all their plans Voldemort had tracked them down in Godric’s Hollow.
He’d been after Harry.
James hadn’t been able to stop him. She hadn’t been able to stop him.
She’d died and her year old son had been left to the mercy of Lord Voldemort…a man…no, a monster…who had no mercy within him at all.
“Come on sleepy head, up an’ at ‘em.”
Lily crawled from the bed as her father called through the door. She stumbled across the room to the dresser and gazed into the cracked mirror.
It wasn’t possible!
Except her eyes were telling her that the impossible had indeed happened.
The face staring back at her in the mirror was one she hadn’t seen in ten years. She was eleven years old again and about to travel to Hogwarts for the very first time. She’d meet James again for the first time in just a couple of hours.
None of it had happened yet.
She didn’t question why the unbelievable had happened. There would be time to figure it out later. She just had to make sure that there was a later.
She had another chance…only this time she knew who it was who’d betrayed them.
Peter wouldn’t sell them to Voldemort this time…she’d make sure of that.
-o-xXx-o-
Don’t change too much, don’t change too much, don’t change too much.
It had become a mantra over the years.
Lily had watched events unfold as they had done the first time around, first with a sense of shock and later with an eerie feeling of Déjà vu.
She and Severus were best friends again. They had been sorted into separate houses again. She’d found new friends in Gryffindor; he’d idolised the Death Eaters from his position in the house of Slytherin.
Classes were easier and she found her marks were much improved on the previous time around. She also found she was mastering spells and charms quicker than anyone else in her year much to the delight of the Professors.
But it wasn’t always easy and sometimes the temptation to change things had been almost unbearable.
Perhaps she should have warned Severus about Remus’s condition? He’d guessed correctly but had still gone into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow. Maybe if he’d known for sure he would have stayed away. Then, just maybe the incident after their DADA OWLs might not have taken place.
She wondered too, if she should have forgiven Severus for what he’d called her during that scene. With the benefit of a few extra years of wisdom she realised that he’d been genuinely sorry and this time around she regretted losing his friendship even more than she had the first time.
It was only her resolve to keep her life on much the same track as before had kept her from altering things even more.
As much as she might have wished otherwise, she needed James to trust her judgement more than Sirius’s when the time came to decide who should be their Secret Keeper. If she remained friends with Severus, James wouldn’t trust her judgement. He didn’t like or trust Severus and she knew instinctively that he wouldn’t trust her opinion if she didn’t relinquish the friendship.
She avoided Severus almost constantly through their last two years at Hogwarts and tried to ignore the hurt in his eyes. It had been so much easier to ignore that same wounded look the last time.
She told herself that when it was all over she’d look him up, try to explain and maybe win back his friendship. But it didn’t make her decision any easier.
People’s lives were at stake…if she, James and Harry were to survive then sacrifices had to be made and her friendship with Severus was the biggest one.
The one thing she had tried to do was to try and convince James and the others of Peter’s perfidy whilst they were still in school. Unfortunately she’d had virtually no success in her endeavours.
She and James had never been close during their first few years at school and this time around had been no different, despite her best efforts to change that.
She’d discovered that whilst she might remember that they were meant to be together, James remembered nothing at all of their life after Hogwarts…or if he did he was maintaining the same silence as she was.
He had acted in very much the same way as he had before and nothing she said or did seemed to make any difference to him.
And so it was that by the time she and James went on their first date, this time early in their sixth year, Peter was well in with the group, liked, trusted and poised to betray them once more.
-o-xXx-o-
It was the moment she’d been waiting for.
“We bluff them,” Sirius declared from his seat near the fireplace in the cosy living room. “Let everyone think I’m the Secret Keeper and I’ll draw them off. Meanwhile Peter will be the Secret Keeper and can go into hiding himself.”
“No!”
“Why not?” James asked. “It’s perfect. No one will ever suspect we’d use Peter.”
“He’s a Death Eater,” said Lily in what she hoped was a calm but firm tone.
“Don’t be silly,” James replied with a knowing smirk at Sirius.
Lily glared at them both. “It’s not a joke.”
“You’ve never liked Peter,” Sirius pointed out. “You just don’t want to think Remus would betray you.”
“Why are you two so sure to think that Remus would?” Lily countered. “He’s one of your best friends.”
“Voldemort’s recruiting werewolves,” said James in a sad voice. “Someone’s betraying our movements to him and Remus is the most likely suspect.”
“But you’re wrong,” Lily cried. “Peter’s a Death Eater.”
She jumped to her feet and shot glares at James and Sirius as they exchanged knowing smirks.
“Sounds like hormones talking,” Sirius said. “You’re sure that Harry isn’t going to be getting a little brother or sister some time next year?”
James grinned widely but didn’t deny the teasing accusation.
“I’m not pregnant,” Lily hissed. “And I’m not hysterical. You have to listen to me…Peter. Is. A. Death. Eater.”
“That time of the month?” Sirius asked with a wicked grin that earned him a swift, sharp kick to the leg.
She’d hoped to avoid telling anyone how she knew that it was Peter who would betray them. Although she’d considered it many times over the last decade she had always decided against it. After all, who would believe her?
With little more than a week left she knew she had no choice. It was time to tell them what had happened and hope that somehow she could convince them it was the truth.
“I’m reliving my life,” she began. “Everything from my first day at Hogwarts onwards I’m doing all over again but with the memory of what happened before. Last time we used Peter as Secret Keeper and he sold us out to Voldemort. On Halloween night his master will track us down here and kill us all.”
“Lily…” James stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders, easing her back down onto the sofa. He sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulders. “You can’t be reliving your life. It’s just not possible.”
“James is right,” Sirius agreed as he moved across to take a seat next to her. “If it were possible then wizards would have managed it long before now.”
With the two of them on either side of her, reassuring her with their presence and their words, she could almost believe it were true.
“Even if you don’t believe me, why risk it?” she finally asked. “I think it’s Peter, you think it’s Remus. Why risk it being either of them by calling a bluff?”
“It’s the best plan we’ve got,” James replied. “You just have to trust us.”
“You do trust us, don’t you?” asked Sirius in a concerned voice. “We’d never risk your life or Harry’s if we weren’t sure.”
“But don’t you see that you are?” Lily asked with a sob.
“It’ll be all right,” James assured her and she knew she hadn’t done enough.
By showing how much she distrusted Peter all these years she’d ruined her only chance of saving them all. James and Sirius simply thought that it was her own prejudices talking and try as she might, she couldn’t see a way to steer events off of the disastrous course they were taking.
Over the next few hours she tried to convince them she was telling the truth, but they wouldn’t listen.
They knew best.
They trusted Peter.
It’d be all right.
Except it wouldn’t be all right.
Only when the Fidelius Charm was in place did Lily stop arguing her case.
It was too late.
-o-xXx-o-
Halloween night arrived and Lily sat watching the clock tick away the remaining seconds of their lives.
“Keep you wand with you,” she reminded James repeatedly. She could at least make sure that this time they were prepared.
“We’re safe,” James replied. “If Peter was going to betray us then he’d have done so by now.”
“He has betrayed us,” answered Lily in a resigned tone. “It’s only a matter of time before He arrives.”
-o-xXx-o-
The crash of the door bursting open came right on time.
It was too late.
She’d failed.
James was gone.
She held her wand aloft, ready for the moment He came through the door to the nursery.
She’d go down fighting this time.
-o-xXx-o-
Pain came once more and the green light filled her eyes as she died for a second time.
Lily Evans woke with a scream once more.
Part 2