Reading posts that people made on my Facebook wall from 2007 really made me realize how many people I've completely forgotten existed. Several of them were people I used to interact with on a daily basis and were somewhat important to my life at the time. Not even a decade later and the fact that they were ever in my life at all has completely ( Read more... )

I often find myself thinking "What's the point?" anytime girls talk to me. Being bipolar has ruined two serious relationships and I can't help but feel that it will ruin every single one I ever have. I have accepted myself and that this is part of who I am, but it hurts when others can't accept it. I always feel emotionally disconnected from others ( Read more... )

I helped you when you were being abused. My family gave you and your son a place to stay. I was your gateway back to Ohio (which is most likely all I ever was to you.) I supported you and your son when you got here because you didn't have a job. I didn't mind because I loved you ( Read more... )

I've been having a rough time lately with Deidra. She's been acting different the past couple of weeks. She's more aggressive and quick to arguments ( Read more... )

It's interesting to read through these old updates and see my mental degeneration unfold over the years. I wonder if years from now I'll still have the mental clarity to comprehend this and what I once was. I'm not responding to any medications and I have to try to fight being bipolar unmedicated. I wonder if I'll ever lose who I am to it? I'll try ( Read more... )

2012 was possibly one of the worst years of my life. I lost a job I loved because of genetic health problems. The stress of everything caused my mind to break and now it's revealed that I'm mentally ill on top of everything. That same mental illness has cost me some friendships and communication with family members (though I don't miss some of them ( Read more... )

Weed helps. I love living in Colorado.

Writing my thoughts, my disjointed psychotic thoughts in here helps alleviate some of the insanity. I should do this more often. Yes, do this more often so that I can maintain my personality. The personality that's dying.

That's life, I guess.
I'm tired of always getting dicked over by my health. I want this shit to stop.
Raging at the world.

Life is just an altered state of perception. None of us are ever truly alive. We're all what we consider "dead" but we experience this altered state of reality called life for a period of time.

Philosophy, anyone?