Trans Dating Myths?

[flcadam]

I just had a thought that I wanted to get feedback on.

When I first started transitioning, I remember that many people, who were most mostly lesbians, consistently drilled it into my head that dating is difficult for transsexuals.  Some people even asked me in a blunt manner, "Come on, seriously, who's really going to want to date you?"

However, it

Comments

[diminda]

A friend of a friend of mine is a FTM transgendered gay man. He jokes that the gay guys say, "We only like real boys." But the truth of the matter is he just got out of a couple year relationship and is on the prowl once again - I could maybe report back in a couple months, heh.

I also know a MTF transgendered lesbian, and she doesn't seem to have much of a problem finding people to date.

Interestingly, I don't know any transgendered heterosexual people, so I can't really report on that.

[xxweaponx]

Please don't say transgendered. No one was turned into anything, no one was "transgendered" by the transgender fairy. Transgender is appropriate. Thanks!

[eustacecscrubb]

Hey, just a thought---some people who are transgender do use the term "transgendered" to refer to themselves, and there is a history of the "-ed" at the end of that term and others as an adjective (people are "gendered" which sometimes is used to mean there is a process, but sometimes simply just to say that they possess a gender

[aaskew]

I wasn't turned into anything, but I was 'transgendered' by the doctor who looked at me when I was born and declared "it's a girl

[chronidu]

I think a large part of it is people's natural assumption that if they aren't into something, no one is. Or that if they aren't much for something, it's because it's just not good, as apposed to being that they don't find it good.

More often than not the people spouting it are spouting it from a personal taste, or just blatant ignorance, as apposed any sort of experience. You have to wonder just how many trans people these people knew to come to such a conclusion. Just how man trans men and woman did they know so intimately that they got a dating log of their entire lives from the point of transition from? And just how long did they know them from the point of transition?

Everyone has something different about them, and yet most are able to find a partner or ten in their lives at one point or another, it's no different for those whom are transgender.

[xxweaponx]

True fucking that.

[expanding_x_man]

All I can say is that every time I turn around seems another trans guy gets married! I mean, legally. These are the het ones (or bi ones) getting married to women. And, the gay ones seem to do well also, often getting married (if they can and want to) or at least shacking up long term or, having plenty of partners.

I do know trans men who do not have partners, and have seldom had partners. Often these guys think "no one will want them" and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or, there are people who just prefer being single.

I never got the "who would want to sleep with you" comment, and that is just rude to say to anyone. It is really a nasty comment period. I do think this preconception was more widespread years ago and may still be in effect in areas where there are not as many visible trans men, or no FTM community so to speak. In any event, it is a rude thing to say to anyone for any reason and not at all true.

[bailey21975]

A bit off topic -- but there is totally an FTM community here in Houston. It is a fairly active community. I don't know off the top of my head how many of us are running around here, but I could probably name 20+ local transguys if I stopped to think about it.

I know that isn't the norm, but you say you don't know of anywhere there is one. There's one here, and I believe at least a couple of other cities as well.

[poizenkat]

There is a very large trans* community in lower Manhattan XD

[flammerboi]

I can't really say I am on the prowl, but I am sort of looking forward to the idea dating again since I am single. I find it interesting that my last post was about love and if I should find it and remembering what it was like when I first transitioned and how it affected my romantic life.

I am hoping my first couple of relationships didn't mess up my chances for a healthy and loving relationship with someone today.....

I don't think transsexuals are doomed to never find true romance...I think there is someone out there for everyone they just have to look....

That is what I should do....get off my ass and go look for a date.....

-Zack

[asphaltwanderer]

I think it is a myth, but one strong enough to put enough fear into a transitioning or post-transitioned FTM. I was single by choice for a while before transition because I wasn't happy with myself. I was single for the first three years of my transition, because of fear. I was afraid of judgement, rejection, and having to out myself to sexual partners. After a while, something clicked, and I wasn't afraid of it anymore. I figured my body isn't for everyone, so if I get rejected, so what. I have had several sexual partners since then, and the men I've slept with have absolutely no complaints about my genitals. Actually, I've received rave reviews about my muscle control (kegels FTW). LOL. I've been in a monogamous, awesome relationship with my current partner for over three years, and I'm still madly in love with him.