I wanted to make a list of habits I've developed or red flags that set off personal alarms because of situations I've been in with, or because of, men. So here we go
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God dammit. I'm sorry you have gone through/continue to go through this shit. There's no fucking excuse for it. NONE. I will never understand how people can treat others with such a lack of empathy. What is it about humanity, or society in general, that makes this OK?
Everything that makes me so angry these days stems from this kind of crap. It's such a basic concept that so many people seem to completely miss: Treat others as you would wish to be treated. WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT!?
*hugs* Hopefully some of the bullshit will subside soon.
My story is not unique. I am more than sure that Lydia has her share of stories to tell. For me, yeah, some of these were defining moments, others...a footnote. They meant nothing to me in a grand scheme of things until yesterday. I've really been doing a lot of reflecting on my reactions to the small things, my perceptions of my interactions, everything. That shooting, is the culmination of things, not just poor parenting. At the gym, his father was on the news, claiming he didn't know who he was shooting. I'm of the opinion that he knew exactly who he was shooting. One of them was his roommate! The girls shot outside of their sorority, were targets. He may not have known the victims by name, but they met his criteria. And that is something women face every day (scroll through the ladder theory threads on the PMx2 boards - which makes me wonder what all of those guys are thinking right now). We can joke about it, be light-hearted about it. But someone just used it as an excuse. That is terrifying to me
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She's told me some things, but almost certainly has kept much to herself as well. I won't pry. If she needs to share, I'll listen. I'm not picking at those scabs. I'd rather do my best to be a better person/friend/husband if at all possible
( ... )
The link you posted about listening is a good start. Once you figure out an example that might happen to you, it makes it much easier to empathize - that's why, when I explain things, I try to use examples that are relevant instead of ones that will never happen to the person I'm talking to. And I do think the nerdy outcast is a good parallel, about the only difference might be you didn't exactly get the same catcalls. ;)
I know that I need to look, but I do my best to not hang out there. If I can, I will speed up or slow down so I'm not right next to them.
As to concerts, I'm pretty flexible, I don't freak out of a hand inadvertently goes somewhere. Because if you've had it done once, you know that an accident is much different than "accidentally on purpose". I always apologize if my hand goes somewhere it isn't supposed to because someone was trying to squeeze through (but it's also why I keep my hands at shoulder height when I do it).
I hope someone broke that guy's hand when he did it the next time. Least, that's my hope. It's horrible that we have to be taught these things, just because guys think they're entitled to something.
Yep. As I said to J above, I think I'm going to change my reaction and start saying it's wrong, from here on out. My only hope is that I can keep things clean if I ever have to provide a learning moment when my nieces are present.
Drunks never lie. They say what is actually in their heads - and this is a truth that was even emphasized by a friend's father, who shared that bit of advice with his daughters. They were very lucky to have a father who was a feminist in many ways, despite being a career military man. He raised his daughters to stand up for themselves and fight when necessary. I am sure part of this was because he was raised with several sisters by a single, widowed, mother.
They definitely don't have a filter, that's for sure. I don't mind people thinking things, but sometimes those things need to stay in their heads and NOT come out their mouths.
I have a thousand of these, too. And got in two arguments in the last three days with guys who took the position of either "good on the guys for trying" or "if guys do that, it's women's fault because of the 'trashy' ones it works on."
I was really hoping you'd mention something. You've been to a bunch of different countries than I have, and I'm curious as to what the mentality is where you live (and Saudi Arabia if you've been there).
As to the arguments of the guys, well, if those assholes didn't make the good guys questionable, we wouldn't have to wonder every time.
Where I live is a mix of maybe 150 nationalities, so it might be (on average) representative of any place in the world, while being unique in its own way. I've never been anywhere near Saudi
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And like anywhere, it isn't just jerks creeping on me and violating my space; the slightest hint of politeness from me seems to be interpreted as an invitation. Or, you know, just be persistent, because I probably don't know what I want
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Comments 15
Everything that makes me so angry these days stems from this kind of crap. It's such a basic concept that so many people seem to completely miss: Treat others as you would wish to be treated. WHY IS THAT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT!?
*hugs* Hopefully some of the bullshit will subside soon.
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As to concerts, I'm pretty flexible, I don't freak out of a hand inadvertently goes somewhere. Because if you've had it done once, you know that an accident is much different than "accidentally on purpose". I always apologize if my hand goes somewhere it isn't supposed to because someone was trying to squeeze through (but it's also why I keep my hands at shoulder height when I do it).
I hope someone broke that guy's hand when he did it the next time. Least, that's my hope. It's horrible that we have to be taught these things, just because guys think they're entitled to something.
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As to the arguments of the guys, well, if those assholes didn't make the good guys questionable, we wouldn't have to wonder every time.
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