I wanted to make a list of habits I've developed or red flags that set off personal alarms because of situations I've been in with, or because of, men. So here we go
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My story is not unique. I am more than sure that Lydia has her share of stories to tell. For me, yeah, some of these were defining moments, others...a footnote. They meant nothing to me in a grand scheme of things until yesterday. I've really been doing a lot of reflecting on my reactions to the small things, my perceptions of my interactions, everything. That shooting, is the culmination of things, not just poor parenting. At the gym, his father was on the news, claiming he didn't know who he was shooting. I'm of the opinion that he knew exactly who he was shooting. One of them was his roommate! The girls shot outside of their sorority, were targets. He may not have known the victims by name, but they met his criteria. And that is something women face every day (scroll through the ladder theory threads on the PMx2 boards - which makes me wonder what all of those guys are thinking right now). We can joke about it, be light-hearted about it. But someone just used it as an excuse. That is terrifying to me. :/
Some of the stuff I went through, basic ignorance that was never corrected. If I had the mind then that I have now, I would have pointed it out. I have more stories about the teammate stuff, but it's not for public consumption. That will hurt more people who don't deserve it than it will help. And some of it is because I accept my part in it.
She's told me some things, but almost certainly has kept much to herself as well. I won't pry. If she needs to share, I'll listen. I'm not picking at those scabs. I'd rather do my best to be a better person/friend/husband if at all possible.
I consider myself fortunate to have been born to a family that considers women to be people rather than things. I've never experienced gender bias within my family. I'd write it off as being the child of a single mother, but it's more than that. Even the members of my family (at least my mother's family) with which I have the most trouble still treat women as equals, if not superiors in several cases. It has always struck me as incomprehensible that anyone would think differently. It makes no damned sense. And yeah, the ladder theory crap drives me nuts. I find it revolting, and one of many reasons why I've distanced myself from what little "community" remains there.
It's difficult for me to weigh in on bias and discrimination as a CIS, heterosexual, college-educated, married white male. I rank pretty high on the privilege scale, even if it doesn't often feel that way. But I did grow up a nerdy outcast, so I've experienced some small degree of discrimination. It doesn't even begin to compare with what so many people experience on a daily basis, but at least it allows me a simple sense of EMPATHY. It drives me nuts to see how lacking this simple concept seems to be in our society, PARTICULARLY from self-proclaimed christians that seem to utterly misunderstand the message of Christ (ie: compassion). Hypocrisy and bigotry is rampant. Some things are changing for the better (bring on the gay marriage!), but the root problem remains the same. As long as people are not actively discouraged from treating other human beings as faceless entities, this will never stop.
The link you posted about listening is a good start. Once you figure out an example that might happen to you, it makes it much easier to empathize - that's why, when I explain things, I try to use examples that are relevant instead of ones that will never happen to the person I'm talking to. And I do think the nerdy outcast is a good parallel, about the only difference might be you didn't exactly get the same catcalls. ;)
Heh. I know that what I've experienced doesn't even begin to compare. It allows me the ability to empathize and want to help make things better. It doesn't take much courage for me to speak out against gender/racial/etc. discrimination, but what little I have experienced at least helps me to better recognize how inexcusable and awful it is for other people to experience even worse treatment. And hopefully me speaking out for others who can't out of fear of retaliation might provide some of the help that is needed.
Some of the stuff I went through, basic ignorance that was never corrected. If I had the mind then that I have now, I would have pointed it out. I have more stories about the teammate stuff, but it's not for public consumption. That will hurt more people who don't deserve it than it will help. And some of it is because I accept my part in it.
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I consider myself fortunate to have been born to a family that considers women to be people rather than things. I've never experienced gender bias within my family. I'd write it off as being the child of a single mother, but it's more than that. Even the members of my family (at least my mother's family) with which I have the most trouble still treat women as equals, if not superiors in several cases. It has always struck me as incomprehensible that anyone would think differently. It makes no damned sense. And yeah, the ladder theory crap drives me nuts. I find it revolting, and one of many reasons why I've distanced myself from what little "community" remains there.
It's difficult for me to weigh in on bias and discrimination as a CIS, heterosexual, college-educated, married white male. I rank pretty high on the privilege scale, even if it doesn't often feel that way. But I did grow up a nerdy outcast, so I've experienced some small degree of discrimination. It doesn't even begin to compare with what so many people experience on a daily basis, but at least it allows me a simple sense of EMPATHY. It drives me nuts to see how lacking this simple concept seems to be in our society, PARTICULARLY from self-proclaimed christians that seem to utterly misunderstand the message of Christ (ie: compassion). Hypocrisy and bigotry is rampant. Some things are changing for the better (bring on the gay marriage!), but the root problem remains the same. As long as people are not actively discouraged from treating other human beings as faceless entities, this will never stop.
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