[Action in the ~*~Goldenrod Department Store~*~] FOURTH WALL EVENT POST

[foolishwren]

[OOC: HI GUYS. As per usual with my TL;DR event posts, reading this is more or less optional. All you need to know is that Heather's in the Goldenrod City Department Store, and that you are free to bother her in ANY WAY YOU SEE FIT, anywhere in the store

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[Action] :D

[so_very_creepy]

...(walks past Heather slowly)..........

[Action] GET OUT, ROBBIE

[foolishwren]

[So, Heather had been put to work mopping up flood damage from broken water pipes up on the third floor. She's doing so ANGRILY, fresh out of a long bitching session from the Evil Bitch-Monster of Death (aka her supervisor), and she's busy glaring down at the floor as she swirls the mop over it, and pretending that the floor is her supervisor's face]

[And so... she doesn't notice the fact that what she assumes is just another department store employee walking past behind her has a giant bloody pink rabbit head.]

[... But Cujo notices.]

[The pup is sitting beside her, and as Robbie walks past, he sits bolt upright, hackles standing up.]

[.... D8> WHINE WHINE WHIIIIIIIIIINE.]

[Action] NEVER

[so_very_creepy]

...(stops, turns and stares at the barking Cujo)
....
....
....
(tilts its head to the side)...

[Action] BRB GETTING MY KATANA

[foolishwren]

[..... DB> WHIIIIINE WHIIIINE WHIIIINE whimper WHIIIIINE!]

[He scoots around Heather, trying to hide behind her legs and peer out from between them at the eerie, coppery-smelling specter.]

[Heather does not appreciate her dog suddenly getting in the way of her soapy mop.]

ARGH-- jeez, Cujo, what's gotten into you! Shut it! [She nudges him none-too-gently out of the way with the mop and shoots him a glare before going back to what she was doing.]

[He gives her a pitiful D8 BUT MOMMA look, before looking back over at Robbie. <8c ..... <8(;; ..... D8> WHINE WHINE WHIIINE yip YIP YIP YIP YIP.]

[Finally, Heather throws her arms up and pulls out her Pokegear. If she can't get him to shut up, she'll just drown him out with music. She fiddles with the radio dial and turns it on-- ..... wait.... s-static?]

[action]

[liquidouroboros]

[YOU KNOW AND LOVE THIS GUY]

[Except you don't. As he is older and in a uniform.]

[And wearing a strikingly similar headset around his neck, god forbid it interfere with his hair.]

...Did that thing just come out of that locker?

[action]

[foolishwren]

[~*~PIME TARADOX~*~!!!!]

Wh-- LIQUID?

[What was HE doing following her to work? Had ... had something happened? ... Or maybe he was just here to yell at her for going back to her job before her arms had finished healing. Whatever...]

Uh-- well, YEAH, I mean... it just... someone must've put it in there as a jok-- ....

... Dude, what's with the goofy costume?

[action]

[liquidouroboros]

Uniform, thanks. And do I know you? It'd be an odd dream if I started running into people I didn't know.

[Completely deadpan, he lit a cigarette.]

[action]

[foolishwren]

[... Dull stare.]

... Very funny, Liquid.

C'mon, cut it out.

Why'd you follow me to work?

[She folds her bandaged arms.]

[sorabug]

PUPPIES!

[foolishwren]

[HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT SUDDEN CAPSLOCK CHILD BEHIND HER AUGH.]

[Heather lets out a startled yelp and leaps to her feet so quickly that she almost falls over again, spinning around.]

I-- ... Wh-- .... uh? ... Kid, what're you doing in here? [Dude, this was why there was a rule posted stating that shopping moms weren't supposed to let their children wander around unattended, seriously, what if this little guy wandered in here while there weren't any employees around and drowned in a washing machine or something? ... Hey... he looks kinda familiar...]

[BUT. The puppies are instantly interested.]

ARF ARF!

[Have an adorable little shiba inu in a headset licking your face, Sora. Cujo is still a little too busy wigging out, but he'll join in soon!]

[sorabug]

[hang on a second, Heather, Sora's too busy laughing hysterically and trying to scritch the puppy's ears around the headset.] Wait-- no, stop, puppy!

[he finally escapes wrath of excited licking puppy to answer Heather's question. sort of. except he totally doesn't-- what he does say might seem familiar, though!]

Hi, Miss hardcore lady!

[foolishwren]

[Miss... hardcore lady? .... DUDE.]

[Voice thick with disbelief, Heather crouched down to get on eye-level with the little guy.]

Sora? Is that you?

[Meanwhile, Cujo finally forgets what he was wigging out about and comes over to SNORFLE all over Sora's hair.]

sob I'm sorry

[taaaaank]

[you know that frumpy department store music that sort of reminds you of if a chimpanzee in an ascot bashed his fists against a piano? well, it's suddenly changing. and by the doorway is the fattest fat man to ever walk the face of Johto, grunting and flailing angrily to himself like an animal. he hasn't spotted you yet, Heather, but he will.]

SDGHLSD;LG;LG OH MY GOD WHOEVER YOU ARE, I LOVE YOU

[foolishwren]

[So, Heather's just mindin' her own business, stocking some shelves, you know, the usual. Cujo has run off with the 'new puppy', who doesn't LOOK like a Pokemon, but who the hell knows, maybe it's just one she'd never seen before and someone had left it in that locker to be funny. Gnyar.]

[And, uh... then the music changes. From the usual tacky department store music to something that sounds like it should be from a tense scene in an Indiane Jones movie.]

[Heather pauses in her PokeBall-stacking (Q: How do you stack PokeBalls? A: Very carefully.) in order to look up at the ceiling and give the embedded circular speakers a very weird look.]

What the heck're they doing, trying to inject more drama and intrigue into our jobs or something? It's not working...

[And... and then she hears the grunting. And, although she happens to be from a completely different survival horror franchise, some sound effects are just universal. She turns to look at the doorway slowly.]

[.... Oh. My. God. Someone found an Insane Cancer... and then gave

I LOVE YOU TOO. A BONE-CRUSHING HUG KIND OF LOVE. YOU DON'T NEED YOUR BONES RIGHT

[taaaaank]

[I smell Survivor. I smell Survivor. so that Tank is flapping his barges for arms giddily and snorting, because he smells Survivor and he's going to grind Survivor into a gooey human paste on the floor. Heather's running commentary on the music catches his attention (how he can hear with those shoulder muscles bulging up around most of his head is a mystery, but Tank has surprisingly sharp hearing), and he turns to face her, tongue hanging out freely with no bottom jaw to trap it.]

[THERE YOU ARE. OH BOY GOING TO SQUASH SHRIMPY SURVIVOR GIRL UNDER TANK FISTS NOW-- he barrels right through the doorway, taking out half of it with him as he lumbers toward Heather like an oversized gorilla. he lumbers pretty fast though, better start running.]

IT'S OKAY, BONES ARE REPLACABLE, BUT -YOU-, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT. /EPIC HUGGING COMMENCE

[foolishwren]

[.... oh shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!]

[If the Tank was a gorilla, Heather was a gazelle-- she turned on her heel immediately and took the fuck off, sprinting away across the shiny linoleum like her life depended on it. Which it pretty much did.]

[As she ran, she swiped out at a shelf of Great Balls, knocking them flying into the aisle, in hopes that they would slow the pursuer (a MYSTERIOUSLY FAST AND MUSCULAR INSANE CANCER? ... WITH A FACE? GOD SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW, WHAT IS THIS) down-- although it was probably more likely they'd just smash under his feet and giant, awful fists. Since, you know, even the shelves were probably just going to fly out of his way.]

[In any case, she reaches the end of the aisle, skiiiiiids on the smooth floor and runs in place for a split second before charging off around the corner.]

[Time to cue the ~*~YACKETY SAX!~*~]

don't question 4th wall day, she's here okay

[oldestfriend]

Heh. I think that was Del's idea.

[Oh hey, what's this? A familiar voice that's kind of behind Heather? A figure suddenly leans over, looking upside down probably from Heather's point of view, and grins down at the blonde.

Dee wiggles her fingers.] Hiya.

SHE'S DEATH, SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS.

[foolishwren]

[And naturally, the sudden upside-down Dee face leaning over her gives the already-startled Heather another mild fright. She lets out a yelp and starts to scoot away-- only to stop when she realizes who it is.]

[HUGE sigh of relief.]

JESUS. Don't SCARE me like that!

[She sits up, making a noise as she swipes at the back of her uniform-- it's got laundry detergent grit all over it now, ewwww.]

What're you doin' in here? I thought you were all the way back in like... somewhere really far back.

[Meanwhile, Mira is happily sitting in front of Dee, little cinnabon tail wagging. HELLO FELLOW ILLOGICAL AND TIMELESS BEING. ARF. 8)]

[Cujo is a little less dignified and is busy getting to know Dee by snorfling all over her shoes.]

DAMN STRAIGHT.

[oldestfriend]

Sorry, sorry! [But she's grinning as she says it. After all, she's been wanting to see Heather for a while now. Thank goodness this world is prone to shifting strangely.]

[Still, smiling, she kneels down to help get off some of the grit. The mess isn't something she minds.]

I was near Union Cave, actually, but yeah. Let's just say I got a new ride- the world's kinda gone cookoo for cocopuffs.

[D'awwww, two cute puppy like creatures! Dee happily pets both Mira and Cujo, scratching behind their ears.]

[foolishwren]

Again? Y'don't say. What the hell else is happening? [And then, a slightly worried look.] It... it didn't get all glitchy again, did it? [She hadn't gone anywhere during those particular few days during which the world had decided to go all bluescreen of death, but she'd heard a lot over the following few days about how the routes had suddenly seemed shorter.]

[She stands, now brushing off her legs.]

Anyway, nice t'finally meet you in person for the first time. [Oh lol Heather, don't you know this is a FOURTH WALL event? You should be the champion of this! ... Or you can just stay oblivious, w/e.]

[Mira and Cujo soak up the scritches like the fuzzy little attention whores that they are.]