I don't know what's my problem...really!?! Im getting really distance with people like my friends. I'm doing this because i don't want people see how fat i'am. And i scream for help but no one can help me but me. But i want to be force, okay its stupid. I want to be force to get help like. I'm yet not face to a wall to get help. But someday i wish ( Read more... )

I was getting ready to go out with a friend and then i thought of my eating disorder, sometimes i hate it (when i binge, purge) but i love it when i DO feel thin and perfect (which it doesn't happen often, very rare) and that its there for a reason and if i would really really want it to go away, (treatment and stuff) like last year i could, maybe ( Read more... )

I had this weird dream - i got rape and stuff and i was telling lots of people that i had a eating disorder. Anyways bad night. I did hve a get evning yesterday. I talk to my buddy ( she has a eating disorder ) we have so much in common, we wish someday we could meet each other. But she lives 12-13hours away from me. And it's long distance call ( Read more... )

Okay, so here is goes, its been for too long that iam fat and feeling sad about it, being in the 120s is awful, so on september 10th ill be at least 110lbs! :) this is so exciting cause i know i can do this, regardless of what ppl say, think ;) haha ( Read more... )

I feel so fat, fat, fat. I just had lunch, nothing big, nothing huge but still...i had a piece of bread and 2 crackers and 1 brocolie and 2 boil eggs. It's too much calories for me. I'm going for a 40 minutes biking to burn it all up. I would of purge it but mom is there so i can't, i'll take diet pills tonight, 1hr before super. If possible i'll ( Read more... )

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i'm now fighting, lie, and cheat to hold on to the one thing that has given us support. I'm silently screaming for something: attention, love, help, escape or forgiveness. It is my cape of invisibility. Lost in a world of pain. Always fighting for control that i never seem to get. In the beginning the control is easy and the high from it incredible ( Read more... )

Mike told me i was his angel and that he would do anything for me :) What a sweety ( Read more... )

Omg,
I'm having a chocolate craving right now. But I won't have some. I can't because i'm fasting and I don't want to fail. It's been 25hours now so. I don't know what to do right now, I kinda of bored. Yesterday I went to the movies with Jess, we cryed, the movie was sad.

I was on a fast yesterday and everything was going great! :) Mom made me eat supper but I purge it all out. Today I had so far 35 calories ( fruit ) Jess is coming over to help me with math since my retake is soon! :S I can not fail, no! Anyways. My parents are out tonight so I won't have to eat and purge. Jess..well i'll make her eat and say i'm ( Read more... )