Lose Myself [1/2]
Title: Lose Myself [1/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: If Junmyeon was to lose himself, it would be by Yifan’s side.
Author’s Note: Loosely based on a manga and One Republic's song. Rushed unbeta-ed etc etc ;; AND PLEASE, NO TRANSLATIONS ALLOWED!
I woke up with the sun
Thought of all the people, places and things I’ve loved
I woke up just to see
With all of the faces, you were the one next to me...
You can feel the light start to tremble
Washing what you know out to sea
You can see your life out of the window tonight...
Arranged marriage was something Junmyeon had always seen in dramas.
It was fun to watch, because usually the characters would end up together and they would live happily ever after.
How wouldn’t they? It was already scripted. No matter what they did, no matter how much they denied the fact, they would fall for each other in the end.
Deeply.
Junmyeon didn’t feel that way at all when he was introduced to Hongbin.
It was supposed to be a simple family lunch at first. His parents had called him earlier that morning, telling him that they would be waiting at a fancy restaurant downtown. Junmyeon had agreed. It had never occurred to him that something was actually planned by his parents. When he arrived at the said place, needless to say, Junmyeon was a bit shocked to find Hongbin and his family were also there.
And so it was announced.
That they were going to get married.
Junmyeon was so shocked that he couldn’t even utter a protest. His marriage, they said? If so, didn’t he have the right to know? Weren’t they supposed to ask if he was willing or not? The very least they could do was to tell him...
His parents looked very happy as they laughed together over a simple toast, nodding vigorously to whatever it was that Hongbin’s parents were saying. Their smiles were so sincere that Junmyeon felt extremely guilty for having the urge to cry. His heart ached badly. All of a sudden, Junmyeon had difficulties with breathing.
To marry someone you don’t love...
Junmyeon slowly shifted his eyes to Hongbin. How old was he...? Even he didn’t know the age of the man he was going to marry. Was he older? Was he younger?
Hongbin wasn’t looking at him, but the smile etched across his face indicated that he was...glad?
What are you glad about?
Junmyeon turned his head as he inwardly sighed. Well, Hongbin wasn’t exactly bad...he was good-looking, in fact. If anything, he seemed like he would make a good husband...
...which meant that there was a possibility for Junmyeon to fall for him.
Junmyeon held his breath, a bit overwhelmed by his own fear.
Not right away.
Perhaps after a while.
Just like in those dramas.
Junmyeon wanted to make sure once again, which was why he directed his gaze back to the taller male beside him. It must’ve been a coincidence when Hongbin was also staring at Junmyeon. Junmyeon almost flinched. Their gazes on each other lingered for a few seconds longer when Hongbin broke into a sweet, kind smile.
A smile that would make anyone melt.
If it was one of the scripted plots in a drama, Junmyeon would’ve felt something by then. His knees might became weak, his heart would probably pound so hard against his rib-cage, anything, anything.
But there was nothing.
Junmyeon’s mouth became dry as he realized something.
What if I can’t...?
***
Two weeks had passed since his first meeting with Hongbin.
A lot of things had happened, but still, Junmyeon’s feelings for Hongbin hadn’t grown.
Don’t get him wrong, Hongbin was kind. Heck, the male was too good to be true. Hongbin was the kind of dream guy any princess would want in a fairy tale. He was handsome, gentle, understanding, warm, kind-hearted, caring, and oh, did he mention handsome?
Then why did all Junmyeon feel was reluctance...?
If Junmyeon was being honest to himself, the more Hongbin talked to him, the more he wanted to run away. It didn’t take long for Junmyeon to understand what his heart had been screaming about every time Hongbin was near. Honestly, what was wrong with Junmyeon...? Everything about Hongbin could be listed down as perfection, but...
Why can’t it be as easy as in the dramas...?
Out of confusion, Junmyeon let Hongbin kissed him once, as he struggled with his own feelings to accept the handsome male. But it ended up with Junmyeon crying in the middle of the night, hating the taste of Hongbin’s lips on his, although several hours had passed since then.
It must’ve been a mistake to do so, because Hongbin thought that Junmyeon wanted the same thing.
The next time Hongbin tried to kiss him again, Junmyeon made an excuse of not wanting to rush things, no matter how lame his reason was. The other time, Junmyeon faked a cough, making another excuse of not wanting Hongbin to catch his cold. Fortunately, Hongbin understood-or at least that was what he retorted-despite the disappointment in his eyes.
Each day, Junmyeon’s uncertainty grew bigger and bigger, until one day, he got a call that said Hongbin was admitted into the hospital because of an accident.
Junmyeon had never thought that he was (almost) heartless.
The male stayed quiet as he secluded himself in the corner of the room. Compared to him, his parents looked happier knowing that Hongbin only had a broken leg. Soon the room was filled with voices, chitchatting about from how the truck driver was sleepy to where someone named Jaehwan helped Hongbin to get to the hospital. Junmyeon was grateful that Hongbin was all right, but if he could voice out his thought, he didn’t want to be there...
When the nurse told them that it was time for Hongbin to rest, his parents excused themselves and Junmyeon stood up, thinking that he was going to follow them out, but they looked at him strangely and told him to stay with Hongbin instead.
Junmyeon was dumbfounded.
Stay...?
Junmyeon opened his mouth to protest, but a look from his mother made him close it back and he nodded wordlessly.
Don’t I have a choice...?
Junmyeon didn’t come closer to the bed after his parents went home. His knees were drawn to his chest, keeping his mouth shut, keeping his thoughts to himself. Hongbin didn’t talk much, but it was probably because of the medicine. The male flashed Junmyeon a sleepy grin as he fluttered his eyes close.
Goodnight, was what Hongbin whispered before he fell asleep.
Junmyeon didn’t even reply. For a second, he had this awful plan of leaving as soon as Hongbin fell asleep, but after moments of pondering, he changed his mind. Sighing, he carefully stood up and walked to his fiance’s bed, wanting to look at the latter’s face.
Junmyeon wished for anything.
There’s gottabe some sort of pity...come on.
Hongbin’s face looked so peaceful in his sleep, like he was happy knowing that Junmyeon was willing to stay. It could be just his imagination, though.
Pity him in his state. Fall for him in this situation, Junmyeon.
Junmyeon choked quietly underneath his palm as he looked away. Tears were already threatening to spill over his eyes, but he managed to hold them back.
Love him, please...
It was useless.
Junmyeon had no feelings at all.
***
When Junmyeon woke up the next morning, Hongbin was still sleeping.
The fair-skinned male took a moment to adjust his eyes to the surrounding, momentarily forgetting why he was there instead of his own bed...
When Junmyeon finally remembered, he pulled himself to sit and stretched out his hands. His back hurt a bit, and it was one of the reasons why he disliked sleeping on the couch. Junmyeon rubbed his eyes and threw a glance to Hongbin’s direction, but it didn’t seem like the latter was awake yet.
“I’m gonna have coffee,” Junmyeon muttered quietly to no one in particular. He stood up with a yawn and did his best not to make a sound as he headed to the door. Junmyeon yawned once again as he shuffled to the nearest vending machine.
“Coffee...”
Junmyeon was looking for some change in his pockets when a heavy voice asked,
“Which one?”
“Ah, I’ll have cappuccino...”
“Got it.”
Junmyeon was still searching for some change when the cup of coffee was being handed to his face. He stared blankly for a moment at the white-colored cup. “Ah? Thank you. Wait, let me pay for it...”
“Don’t worry. It’s my treat.”
“What? No, I can’t-“ Junmyeon trailed off instantly the moment he lifted up his face and was met with a very handsome face.
Deg.
That was the sound of his last heartbeat.
Junmyeon’s heart almost came to a stop at the person before him. Not only the stranger’s (ultimately handsome) face that surprised Junmyeon, but his clothes did too. With one look, anyone could tell that the handsome male was a doctor. Junmyeon then hastily bowed in respect, almost forgetting that he had a cup of coffee in his hand.
“Be careful,” the stranger-doctor-said with a frown, immediately holding Junmyeon’s hand to save the drink.
“Th-thank you,” Junmyeon stammered, half grateful and half nervous. With his free hand, Junmyeon fished his hand into the last pocket that he hadn’t searched, and realized the conclusion: He didn’t have any change. “Um, could you please wait here? I left my wallet in the room...”
“Didn’t I tell you that it’s my treat?”
“B-but...”
“Drink it,” the doctor said sternly and Junmyeon immediately obeyed.
The warm liquid felt good in his throat, and Junmyeon felt a bit refreshed. Junmyeon’s eyes instinctively dropped to the nametag on the uniform. Wu Yifan. Junmyeon frowned slightly. Judging from the name, he didn’t seem Korean... He was busy thinking about the doctor’s name and drinking the rest of his coffee that it was a bit later that Junmyeon realized the doctor had been looking at him. Was it the coffee or his cheeks were getting hot, Junmyeon wasn’t really sure.
“Um,” Junmyeon awkwardly hummed, his mouth was still pressed against the cup. “I should probably go back...”
“Okay.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to pay?” Junmyeon chuckled nervously when Yifan only narrowed his eyes in dislike. “Okay then. Well, thank you for the treat. If we ever meet again, let me be the one to treat you...”
“If you insist,” Yifan looked thoughtful. “How about dinner?”
Junmyeon’s expression changed drastically. Dinner.
“Ah,” Yifan replied quickly. “A girlfriend. No...a boyfriend.”
“I-I should go...”
Junmyeon honestly didn’t know how to react to Yifan’s remark, so he simply bowed to the taller male. Without thinking, he turned around and ran back to Hongbin’s room. His heart was beating so fast like a racing car at the thought of Yifan-did the doctor just flirt with him?
But why does it feel so nice...?
Junmyeon was so scared of what he felt that he hoped he would never meet Yifan again.
***
Unfortunately, Junmyeon’s wish didn’t come true.
Because it turned out that Yifan was Hongbin’s doctor.
Junmyeon could feel every part of his body stiffening the moment Yifan stepped into the room. A nurse was following closely behind him. Junmyeon literally glued his back against the cushion of the couch, hoping at this kind of moment, he had a super power to turn himself invisible...
Please, don’t notice me...
Hongbin and Yifan continued to speak like it was just the two of them in the room. The nurse checked Hongbin’s blood pressure while they talked. Junmyeon desperately hoped that the conversation would be over soon and then Yifan would get out of there, but Hongbin just had to call out his name.
“Junmyeon,” Hongbin said with a smile. “Come here.”
Oh no.
Yifan followed Hongbin’s line of sight and the corner of his lips twitched slightly upon seeing Junmyeon. Junmyeon swallowed thickly in response before pushing himself off of the couch and stepped closer to the bed.
“Junmyeon,” Yifan repeated nonchalantly. “Right...”
“Junmyeon, this is Doctor Wu,” Hongbin said as he motioned Yifan. “He’ll be the one to do the surgery tomorrow...then he will do the final check and if the results are good, I’m free to go home.”
“I-I see...”
“And I suppose Junmyeon is your...” Yifan trailed off with his brows raised high.
“Eh?” Hongbin was a bit flustered as he glanced at Junmyeon. “Um...well, we’re...uh...”
“...going to be engaged soon,” Junmyeon finished weakly.
A pregnant pause descended upon the three of them after that.
It was the truth, wasn’t it? Then why should he lie?
Junmyeon sensed that Hongbin was looking at him, but the latter wasn’t the only one.
Yifan was also looking at him.
“You should rest for tomorrow,” Yifan was the first one to break the silence between them and Junmyeon was grateful for it. The doctor then gave Hongbin’s shoulder a light pat. “And I need to speak to Junmyeon, since he’s going to be your fiance soon...regarding the surgery.”
With that, Yifan immediately turned around to exit the room. Junmyeon heard the nurse said something calming along the lines of ‘Don’t worry, Doctor Wu is the best in this hospital’ to Hongbin as he followed Yifan outside in confusion.
“Junmyeon, over here.”
Junmyeon turned his head to Yifan. The doctor was just several steps away from him and he was standing in front of a door. Junmyeon’s instinct told him that something-regardless whether it was bad or not-was going to happen. If he was to think clearly, he would’ve hesitated.
But he didn’t.
Junmyeon gasped when Yifan pulled him by the arm and pushed him into the room. The room was so small and cramped. It seemed to be a janitor’s place or some sort, judging from the brooms and mops that were placed around them. Yifan closed the door behind him easily with his foot and needless to say, with the small space, their bodies were pressed together.
Tightly.
Junmyeon’s lips were trembling when he realized Yifan’s hands were gripping his wrists. He was losing when it came to strength, that was for sure, but...why did Yifan...? Wait. What the heck was he thinking? Wasn’t Junmyeon supposed to scream for help?
“Wh-what do you want...?”
Those words came as a whisper from Junmyeon’s lips.
The room was badly dimmed, but Junmyeon could tell that Yifan was staring at his lips. No. The taller of the two was staring intently at Junmyeon’s face. Yifan’s eyes traveled everywhere, from his forehead...to his eyes...to his jaw...
Junmyeon didn’t think his heartbeat was ever this loud before.
“I’m sorry I had to push you in here,” Yifan apologized quietly. His voice sounded so caring and sincere that it made Junmyeon weak. “I just... I might want you to pay for the coffee, after all...”
“O-oh,” Junmyeon replied just as quietly. Suddenly, he understood why. Perhaps Yifan didn’t want the other to hear their conversation...but why did it have to be in a freaking janitor’s closet? Junmyeon cast the thought aside as he continued, “If it’s dinner, you know I can’t...”
“Do you want him to be saved?”
“Huh?”
“Do you want...your fiance to be saved?”
Junmyeon was taken aback by the question. What did Yifan mean by that...? Sure, Junmyeon didn’t love Hongbin, but it didn’t mean that he wanted the worst to happen...
“Of-of course...”
“Then sleep with me.”
Junmyeon’s eyes widened in shock as he shrieked and he almost stumbled backward. Luckily, Yifan managed to get their balance back before anything bad happened. Yifan’s grip tightened around him and Junmyeon’s breath became ragged as he violently shook his head with a whimper.
“Listen to me,” Yifan tugged Junmyeon’s wrists to get his attention. “You don’t want anything to happen to him, right? Then you should do what I said. If you do, your fiance’s leg shall heal quickly. But if you don’t...”
Yifan leaned dangerously closer to Junmyeon.
“...just don’t forget that I’m the best doctor in this hospital.”
***
Yifan told Junmyeon to meet him in the parking lot in a few hours.
The taller male informed him the color of his car and his license plate, so that Junmyeon wouldn’t have any difficulty finding it.
Junmyeon then went back to the room feeling (really) awful. There was still some time before he had to meet Yifan... Junmyeon was a bit reluctant to go back, but it would be strange if he didn’t. He wished Hongbin would be asleep from the medicine, but when he got back to the room, Hongbin was wide awake and fortunately, his parents were already there. It made Junmyeon glad, honestly, because if it was just the two of them...he wouldn’t know what to do.
Jaehwan, who literally had saved Hongbin, came to visit with his friends not long after that and Hongbin’s parents welcomed them warmly. The atmosphere in the hospital room became livelier after the group’s arrival. It got Hongbin to smile a lot, a lot more compared to when there was only Junmyeon.
Junmyeon felt like he didn’t belong there.
The male continued to shut himself from everyone, pretending to be busy with his cellphone in the corner of the room.
Junmyeon had never thought he was really relieved when the time finally came. He politely excused himself and reasoned that he needed to get changed and rest. Hongbin’s parents nodded approvingly to that. Before leaving, Hongbin sent him a small smile which Junmyeon only replied by bowing slightly and without waiting any longer, he dashed outside the room.
The fair-skinned male waited for a few seconds before going to the opposite way. He cautiously glanced around, making sure that no one was looking at him. Not that he was being suspicious, anyway... Just as Junmyeon got into the parking lot and prepared himself to look for Yifan’s car, a familiar voice called out his name.
“Junmyeon-hyung?”
Junmyeon froze.
Holy shit.
Junmyeon bit his lower lip in fear before slowly turning around. “Jongin...” Of all people, Jongin was the last person he wanted to see. It was just because Jongin had always been able to read through him, even when Junmyeon didn’t want him to. And right now, he really didn’t want the younger male to know what he felt...it must’ve been his luck that day. “Hi.”
“Hi? Is that how you properly greet your own brother?” Jongin frowned as he stared in suspicion. “Where are you going?”
“Home?” Junmyeon retorted with an unsure tone. It only made Jongin to narrow his eyes more at him, and Junmyeon returned it with an awkward smile. “Um, Hongbin’s parents are here...”
“That’s not exactly what I had in mind. Are you going home with someone?”
Junmyeon nearly flinched, but thankfully he was still able to stay calm. Was he that easy to read? “No. No. Of course not.”
“Then why are you taking the back door?”
The older of the two fell silent instantly. Crap. Jongin was right. The back door lead to the parking lot, so people wouldn’t go through there unless they had a car. And even if he was planning to take a taxi, it should’ve been from the entrance. How could he forget about that...? Wait. He had never expected Jongin to come in the first place...
Junmyeon turned pale.
“You’re acting really strange,” Jongin’s frown deepened as he took a step closer. “Do you want me to drive you home, Hyung?”
“It’s-it’s okay.”
“What do you mean ‘it’s okay’? I don’t want you to go home by yourself. Besides, what are you going to take? Taxi?”
“I’ll be fine,” Junmyeon insisted stubbornly. “Besides, you just got here...and your intention was to see Hongbin, right? Then you should. I promise you, I’ll be fine.”
Jongin didn’t look convinced, but once his brother made up his mind, then there was nothing he could do to change it. The tan-skinned male sighed deeply before pulling Junmyeon into a tight hug. The affectionate gesture got Junmyeon to smile. Jongin was never hesitant to show that he really cared...
“I’ll see you at home?”
Junmyeon closed his eyes. “Yeah...you’ll see me at home.”
“Okay then,” Jongin slowly pulled away with his hands still on Junmyeon’s shoulders. His expression was worried, but he said nothing about it. “Be careful.”
Junmyeon nodded and did his best to smile earnestly. Jongin gave him one last look before entering the building. As soon as his brother disappeared from his peripheral vision, the smile on his face disappeared and Junmyeon didn’t waste any time to look for Yifan’s car.
2205...2205...
Junmyeon’s steps came to a stop when he finally spotted Yifan’s car on the farthest row. His jaw dropped involuntarily at the sight. The car was definitely expensive-although no cars were cheap, actually. As expected from the best doctor in the hospital...? Junmyeon made sure it was the right vehicle as he double checked the license plate. It was. All of a sudden, the window in the passenger’s side rolled down, showing Yifan’s (attractive) face.
“Get in.”
Junmyeon momentarily closed his eyes before climbing into the car. Why am I doing this...? Why am I so obedient...? Is it really because of Hongbin...?
“Who was that?”
“Who...?” Junmyeon looked a bit lost as he buckled on his seat-belt.
“He’s good-looking,” Yifan shrugged as if to show that he didn’t care, but his tone couldn’t hide the fact that he was curious. “He suits you better. The way he hugs you indicates how much he cares for you.”
Oh.
“You mean...Jongin?” The corner of Junmyeon’s eyes were crinkling as he smiled in amusement. “If I get together with him, then it’s incest...”
Yifan turned to look at him with a blank expression. “He’s your brother?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well,” Yifan said as he started the engine, looking somewhat content. “In that case, I’m quite relieved Sehun doesn’t hug me that often...”
***
“Strip.”
Junmyeon swallowed thickly. He dared himself to look at Yifan before dropping his gaze to the shirt the latter was proffering.
Yifan’s shirt.
“What’s...this?”
“My shirt. Wouldn’t want yours to get dirty. Now strip.”
It hadn’t been a minute since they arrived at Yifan’s (magnificent) apartment, and Junmyeon was being told to strip. The smaller of the two immediately flew his hand to his chest, his own fingers clutching the first few buttons.
“N-now?” Yifan’s death glare made Junmyeon realize that it might not be a good reaction. “Um, where’s the bathroom...?”
“You’re not going anywhere. Strip.”
“Here?” Junmyeon gasped when Yifan took a step closer in annoyance. “Okay, okay!” He was sure his face must be really red like a boiled crab but it didn’t stop Yifan from staring. For a split second, Junmyeon wondered why he had agreed to this. But then the image of Hongbin smiling came to his mind, and yet it didn’t make him to feel at ease.
Hongbin.
Was he doing it for Hongbin? But...wasn’t it Yifan’s job as a doctor to treat his patients? Then why...did he treat Junmyeon like this?
“Don’t stop.”
“Huh?” Junmyeon lifted up his face and it was then he realized that he was completely topless.
“You do understand the meaning of ‘strip’, right?” Yifan groaned. The taller male closed the distance between them as he reached for Junmyeon’s zippers.
Automatically, Junmyeon cried and he tried to push Yifan away, but it was no use. Yifan grabbed his slender arms so easily and Junmyeon was unable to get away from him.
“Do you want him to be able to walk again or not??”
The way Yifan spoke those words was so menacing that it got Junmyeon to wince.
“Are you,” Junmyeon whispered fearfully. “Are you threatening me...?”
Yifan didn’t answer the question.
“Isn’t it your job...?” Junmyeon continued, this time with tears threatening to fall from the rim of his eyes. “Then why-“
“He’s so lucky to be loved by you. For you to be willing to do what I ask you to...”
“Huh?”
“I said...no, nevermind.” Yifan seemed a bit disappointed. Junmyeon opened his mouth to ask why, but it was soon replaced by a small shriek because Yifan had pushed him abruptly onto the bed. The doctor still had his wrists trapped and Junmyeon thought he needed to go to the hospital now because his heart was thumping so fast. “Have you ever done it with a man before?”
“Wh-what? Why-“
“Have you ever done it with him??”
“Doctor Wu-“
“Have you??”
“No, I haven’t done it with anyone!” Junmyeon cried weakly with his eyes closed. Why was Yifan being like this? Being topless in front of him was embarrassing enough, plus the strange questions... Junmyeon could feel his cheeks were burning and it made him a bit dizzy. “And I’m... I’m scared...”
“You don’t need to be,” Yifan replied gently. “It’s me. I’m not gonna hurt you...”
Junmyeon’s stomach fluttered when he felt Yifan kissing his eyelids. Those words soothed him. For someone who was going to take away his virginity-by threatening him?-Junmyeon’s heart ached terribly due to the simple touch, and he didn’t know why. Yifan then traveled his hands from his wrists to his palms before lacing their fingers together.
Junmyeon’s hands felt so small compared to Yifan’s.
And it felt so wonderful.
“Is kissing okay?”
“Eh?”
“Is kissing okay for you? Is it okay...if I kiss you?”
Junmyeon wanted to cry that he needed to go to the hospital because something was incredibly wrong with his heart. His heartbeat just wouldn’t slow down... That, and Yifan’s body heat was affecting him and Junmyeon could tell his own body responded greatly.
To Yifan.
And it was something he had never felt before...
...not even to Hongbin.
“Yes...”
Junmyeon must’ve been out of his mind when he said that.
“Yes, you can kiss me...”
Yifan looked surprised for a moment, but then the handsome male broke into a fond smile as he leaned down.
Their lips finally met for the first time.
Strangely, Junmyeon didn’t want it to be their last time.
[2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: If Junmyeon was to lose himself, it would be by Yifan’s side.
Author’s Note: Loosely based on a manga and One Republic's song. Rushed unbeta-ed etc etc ;; AND PLEASE, NO TRANSLATIONS ALLOWED!
I woke up with the sun
Thought of all the people, places and things I’ve loved
I woke up just to see
With all of the faces, you were the one next to me...
You can feel the light start to tremble
Washing what you know out to sea
You can see your life out of the window tonight...
Arranged marriage was something Junmyeon had always seen in dramas.
It was fun to watch, because usually the characters would end up together and they would live happily ever after.
How wouldn’t they? It was already scripted. No matter what they did, no matter how much they denied the fact, they would fall for each other in the end.
Deeply.
Junmyeon didn’t feel that way at all when he was introduced to Hongbin.
It was supposed to be a simple family lunch at first. His parents had called him earlier that morning, telling him that they would be waiting at a fancy restaurant downtown. Junmyeon had agreed. It had never occurred to him that something was actually planned by his parents. When he arrived at the said place, needless to say, Junmyeon was a bit shocked to find Hongbin and his family were also there.
And so it was announced.
That they were going to get married.
Junmyeon was so shocked that he couldn’t even utter a protest. His marriage, they said? If so, didn’t he have the right to know? Weren’t they supposed to ask if he was willing or not? The very least they could do was to tell him...
His parents looked very happy as they laughed together over a simple toast, nodding vigorously to whatever it was that Hongbin’s parents were saying. Their smiles were so sincere that Junmyeon felt extremely guilty for having the urge to cry. His heart ached badly. All of a sudden, Junmyeon had difficulties with breathing.
To marry someone you don’t love...
Junmyeon slowly shifted his eyes to Hongbin. How old was he...? Even he didn’t know the age of the man he was going to marry. Was he older? Was he younger?
Hongbin wasn’t looking at him, but the smile etched across his face indicated that he was...glad?
What are you glad about?
Junmyeon turned his head as he inwardly sighed. Well, Hongbin wasn’t exactly bad...he was good-looking, in fact. If anything, he seemed like he would make a good husband...
...which meant that there was a possibility for Junmyeon to fall for him.
Junmyeon held his breath, a bit overwhelmed by his own fear.
Not right away.
Perhaps after a while.
Just like in those dramas.
Junmyeon wanted to make sure once again, which was why he directed his gaze back to the taller male beside him. It must’ve been a coincidence when Hongbin was also staring at Junmyeon. Junmyeon almost flinched. Their gazes on each other lingered for a few seconds longer when Hongbin broke into a sweet, kind smile.
A smile that would make anyone melt.
If it was one of the scripted plots in a drama, Junmyeon would’ve felt something by then. His knees might became weak, his heart would probably pound so hard against his rib-cage, anything, anything.
But there was nothing.
Junmyeon’s mouth became dry as he realized something.
What if I can’t...?
***
Two weeks had passed since his first meeting with Hongbin.
A lot of things had happened, but still, Junmyeon’s feelings for Hongbin hadn’t grown.
Don’t get him wrong, Hongbin was kind. Heck, the male was too good to be true. Hongbin was the kind of dream guy any princess would want in a fairy tale. He was handsome, gentle, understanding, warm, kind-hearted, caring, and oh, did he mention handsome?
Then why did all Junmyeon feel was reluctance...?
If Junmyeon was being honest to himself, the more Hongbin talked to him, the more he wanted to run away. It didn’t take long for Junmyeon to understand what his heart had been screaming about every time Hongbin was near. Honestly, what was wrong with Junmyeon...? Everything about Hongbin could be listed down as perfection, but...
Why can’t it be as easy as in the dramas...?
Out of confusion, Junmyeon let Hongbin kissed him once, as he struggled with his own feelings to accept the handsome male. But it ended up with Junmyeon crying in the middle of the night, hating the taste of Hongbin’s lips on his, although several hours had passed since then.
It must’ve been a mistake to do so, because Hongbin thought that Junmyeon wanted the same thing.
The next time Hongbin tried to kiss him again, Junmyeon made an excuse of not wanting to rush things, no matter how lame his reason was. The other time, Junmyeon faked a cough, making another excuse of not wanting Hongbin to catch his cold. Fortunately, Hongbin understood-or at least that was what he retorted-despite the disappointment in his eyes.
Each day, Junmyeon’s uncertainty grew bigger and bigger, until one day, he got a call that said Hongbin was admitted into the hospital because of an accident.
Junmyeon had never thought that he was (almost) heartless.
The male stayed quiet as he secluded himself in the corner of the room. Compared to him, his parents looked happier knowing that Hongbin only had a broken leg. Soon the room was filled with voices, chitchatting about from how the truck driver was sleepy to where someone named Jaehwan helped Hongbin to get to the hospital. Junmyeon was grateful that Hongbin was all right, but if he could voice out his thought, he didn’t want to be there...
When the nurse told them that it was time for Hongbin to rest, his parents excused themselves and Junmyeon stood up, thinking that he was going to follow them out, but they looked at him strangely and told him to stay with Hongbin instead.
Junmyeon was dumbfounded.
Stay...?
Junmyeon opened his mouth to protest, but a look from his mother made him close it back and he nodded wordlessly.
Don’t I have a choice...?
Junmyeon didn’t come closer to the bed after his parents went home. His knees were drawn to his chest, keeping his mouth shut, keeping his thoughts to himself. Hongbin didn’t talk much, but it was probably because of the medicine. The male flashed Junmyeon a sleepy grin as he fluttered his eyes close.
Goodnight, was what Hongbin whispered before he fell asleep.
Junmyeon didn’t even reply. For a second, he had this awful plan of leaving as soon as Hongbin fell asleep, but after moments of pondering, he changed his mind. Sighing, he carefully stood up and walked to his fiance’s bed, wanting to look at the latter’s face.
Junmyeon wished for anything.
There’s gottabe some sort of pity...come on.
Hongbin’s face looked so peaceful in his sleep, like he was happy knowing that Junmyeon was willing to stay. It could be just his imagination, though.
Pity him in his state. Fall for him in this situation, Junmyeon.
Junmyeon choked quietly underneath his palm as he looked away. Tears were already threatening to spill over his eyes, but he managed to hold them back.
Love him, please...
It was useless.
Junmyeon had no feelings at all.
***
When Junmyeon woke up the next morning, Hongbin was still sleeping.
The fair-skinned male took a moment to adjust his eyes to the surrounding, momentarily forgetting why he was there instead of his own bed...
When Junmyeon finally remembered, he pulled himself to sit and stretched out his hands. His back hurt a bit, and it was one of the reasons why he disliked sleeping on the couch. Junmyeon rubbed his eyes and threw a glance to Hongbin’s direction, but it didn’t seem like the latter was awake yet.
“I’m gonna have coffee,” Junmyeon muttered quietly to no one in particular. He stood up with a yawn and did his best not to make a sound as he headed to the door. Junmyeon yawned once again as he shuffled to the nearest vending machine.
“Coffee...”
Junmyeon was looking for some change in his pockets when a heavy voice asked,
“Which one?”
“Ah, I’ll have cappuccino...”
“Got it.”
Junmyeon was still searching for some change when the cup of coffee was being handed to his face. He stared blankly for a moment at the white-colored cup. “Ah? Thank you. Wait, let me pay for it...”
“Don’t worry. It’s my treat.”
“What? No, I can’t-“ Junmyeon trailed off instantly the moment he lifted up his face and was met with a very handsome face.
Deg.
That was the sound of his last heartbeat.
Junmyeon’s heart almost came to a stop at the person before him. Not only the stranger’s (ultimately handsome) face that surprised Junmyeon, but his clothes did too. With one look, anyone could tell that the handsome male was a doctor. Junmyeon then hastily bowed in respect, almost forgetting that he had a cup of coffee in his hand.
“Be careful,” the stranger-doctor-said with a frown, immediately holding Junmyeon’s hand to save the drink.
“Th-thank you,” Junmyeon stammered, half grateful and half nervous. With his free hand, Junmyeon fished his hand into the last pocket that he hadn’t searched, and realized the conclusion: He didn’t have any change. “Um, could you please wait here? I left my wallet in the room...”
“Didn’t I tell you that it’s my treat?”
“B-but...”
“Drink it,” the doctor said sternly and Junmyeon immediately obeyed.
The warm liquid felt good in his throat, and Junmyeon felt a bit refreshed. Junmyeon’s eyes instinctively dropped to the nametag on the uniform. Wu Yifan. Junmyeon frowned slightly. Judging from the name, he didn’t seem Korean... He was busy thinking about the doctor’s name and drinking the rest of his coffee that it was a bit later that Junmyeon realized the doctor had been looking at him. Was it the coffee or his cheeks were getting hot, Junmyeon wasn’t really sure.
“Um,” Junmyeon awkwardly hummed, his mouth was still pressed against the cup. “I should probably go back...”
“Okay.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to pay?” Junmyeon chuckled nervously when Yifan only narrowed his eyes in dislike. “Okay then. Well, thank you for the treat. If we ever meet again, let me be the one to treat you...”
“If you insist,” Yifan looked thoughtful. “How about dinner?”
Junmyeon’s expression changed drastically. Dinner.
“Ah,” Yifan replied quickly. “A girlfriend. No...a boyfriend.”
“I-I should go...”
Junmyeon honestly didn’t know how to react to Yifan’s remark, so he simply bowed to the taller male. Without thinking, he turned around and ran back to Hongbin’s room. His heart was beating so fast like a racing car at the thought of Yifan-did the doctor just flirt with him?
But why does it feel so nice...?
Junmyeon was so scared of what he felt that he hoped he would never meet Yifan again.
***
Unfortunately, Junmyeon’s wish didn’t come true.
Because it turned out that Yifan was Hongbin’s doctor.
Junmyeon could feel every part of his body stiffening the moment Yifan stepped into the room. A nurse was following closely behind him. Junmyeon literally glued his back against the cushion of the couch, hoping at this kind of moment, he had a super power to turn himself invisible...
Please, don’t notice me...
Hongbin and Yifan continued to speak like it was just the two of them in the room. The nurse checked Hongbin’s blood pressure while they talked. Junmyeon desperately hoped that the conversation would be over soon and then Yifan would get out of there, but Hongbin just had to call out his name.
“Junmyeon,” Hongbin said with a smile. “Come here.”
Oh no.
Yifan followed Hongbin’s line of sight and the corner of his lips twitched slightly upon seeing Junmyeon. Junmyeon swallowed thickly in response before pushing himself off of the couch and stepped closer to the bed.
“Junmyeon,” Yifan repeated nonchalantly. “Right...”
“Junmyeon, this is Doctor Wu,” Hongbin said as he motioned Yifan. “He’ll be the one to do the surgery tomorrow...then he will do the final check and if the results are good, I’m free to go home.”
“I-I see...”
“And I suppose Junmyeon is your...” Yifan trailed off with his brows raised high.
“Eh?” Hongbin was a bit flustered as he glanced at Junmyeon. “Um...well, we’re...uh...”
“...going to be engaged soon,” Junmyeon finished weakly.
A pregnant pause descended upon the three of them after that.
It was the truth, wasn’t it? Then why should he lie?
Junmyeon sensed that Hongbin was looking at him, but the latter wasn’t the only one.
Yifan was also looking at him.
“You should rest for tomorrow,” Yifan was the first one to break the silence between them and Junmyeon was grateful for it. The doctor then gave Hongbin’s shoulder a light pat. “And I need to speak to Junmyeon, since he’s going to be your fiance soon...regarding the surgery.”
With that, Yifan immediately turned around to exit the room. Junmyeon heard the nurse said something calming along the lines of ‘Don’t worry, Doctor Wu is the best in this hospital’ to Hongbin as he followed Yifan outside in confusion.
“Junmyeon, over here.”
Junmyeon turned his head to Yifan. The doctor was just several steps away from him and he was standing in front of a door. Junmyeon’s instinct told him that something-regardless whether it was bad or not-was going to happen. If he was to think clearly, he would’ve hesitated.
But he didn’t.
Junmyeon gasped when Yifan pulled him by the arm and pushed him into the room. The room was so small and cramped. It seemed to be a janitor’s place or some sort, judging from the brooms and mops that were placed around them. Yifan closed the door behind him easily with his foot and needless to say, with the small space, their bodies were pressed together.
Tightly.
Junmyeon’s lips were trembling when he realized Yifan’s hands were gripping his wrists. He was losing when it came to strength, that was for sure, but...why did Yifan...? Wait. What the heck was he thinking? Wasn’t Junmyeon supposed to scream for help?
“Wh-what do you want...?”
Those words came as a whisper from Junmyeon’s lips.
The room was badly dimmed, but Junmyeon could tell that Yifan was staring at his lips. No. The taller of the two was staring intently at Junmyeon’s face. Yifan’s eyes traveled everywhere, from his forehead...to his eyes...to his jaw...
Junmyeon didn’t think his heartbeat was ever this loud before.
“I’m sorry I had to push you in here,” Yifan apologized quietly. His voice sounded so caring and sincere that it made Junmyeon weak. “I just... I might want you to pay for the coffee, after all...”
“O-oh,” Junmyeon replied just as quietly. Suddenly, he understood why. Perhaps Yifan didn’t want the other to hear their conversation...but why did it have to be in a freaking janitor’s closet? Junmyeon cast the thought aside as he continued, “If it’s dinner, you know I can’t...”
“Do you want him to be saved?”
“Huh?”
“Do you want...your fiance to be saved?”
Junmyeon was taken aback by the question. What did Yifan mean by that...? Sure, Junmyeon didn’t love Hongbin, but it didn’t mean that he wanted the worst to happen...
“Of-of course...”
“Then sleep with me.”
Junmyeon’s eyes widened in shock as he shrieked and he almost stumbled backward. Luckily, Yifan managed to get their balance back before anything bad happened. Yifan’s grip tightened around him and Junmyeon’s breath became ragged as he violently shook his head with a whimper.
“Listen to me,” Yifan tugged Junmyeon’s wrists to get his attention. “You don’t want anything to happen to him, right? Then you should do what I said. If you do, your fiance’s leg shall heal quickly. But if you don’t...”
Yifan leaned dangerously closer to Junmyeon.
“...just don’t forget that I’m the best doctor in this hospital.”
***
Yifan told Junmyeon to meet him in the parking lot in a few hours.
The taller male informed him the color of his car and his license plate, so that Junmyeon wouldn’t have any difficulty finding it.
Junmyeon then went back to the room feeling (really) awful. There was still some time before he had to meet Yifan... Junmyeon was a bit reluctant to go back, but it would be strange if he didn’t. He wished Hongbin would be asleep from the medicine, but when he got back to the room, Hongbin was wide awake and fortunately, his parents were already there. It made Junmyeon glad, honestly, because if it was just the two of them...he wouldn’t know what to do.
Jaehwan, who literally had saved Hongbin, came to visit with his friends not long after that and Hongbin’s parents welcomed them warmly. The atmosphere in the hospital room became livelier after the group’s arrival. It got Hongbin to smile a lot, a lot more compared to when there was only Junmyeon.
Junmyeon felt like he didn’t belong there.
The male continued to shut himself from everyone, pretending to be busy with his cellphone in the corner of the room.
Junmyeon had never thought he was really relieved when the time finally came. He politely excused himself and reasoned that he needed to get changed and rest. Hongbin’s parents nodded approvingly to that. Before leaving, Hongbin sent him a small smile which Junmyeon only replied by bowing slightly and without waiting any longer, he dashed outside the room.
The fair-skinned male waited for a few seconds before going to the opposite way. He cautiously glanced around, making sure that no one was looking at him. Not that he was being suspicious, anyway... Just as Junmyeon got into the parking lot and prepared himself to look for Yifan’s car, a familiar voice called out his name.
“Junmyeon-hyung?”
Junmyeon froze.
Holy shit.
Junmyeon bit his lower lip in fear before slowly turning around. “Jongin...” Of all people, Jongin was the last person he wanted to see. It was just because Jongin had always been able to read through him, even when Junmyeon didn’t want him to. And right now, he really didn’t want the younger male to know what he felt...it must’ve been his luck that day. “Hi.”
“Hi? Is that how you properly greet your own brother?” Jongin frowned as he stared in suspicion. “Where are you going?”
“Home?” Junmyeon retorted with an unsure tone. It only made Jongin to narrow his eyes more at him, and Junmyeon returned it with an awkward smile. “Um, Hongbin’s parents are here...”
“That’s not exactly what I had in mind. Are you going home with someone?”
Junmyeon nearly flinched, but thankfully he was still able to stay calm. Was he that easy to read? “No. No. Of course not.”
“Then why are you taking the back door?”
The older of the two fell silent instantly. Crap. Jongin was right. The back door lead to the parking lot, so people wouldn’t go through there unless they had a car. And even if he was planning to take a taxi, it should’ve been from the entrance. How could he forget about that...? Wait. He had never expected Jongin to come in the first place...
Junmyeon turned pale.
“You’re acting really strange,” Jongin’s frown deepened as he took a step closer. “Do you want me to drive you home, Hyung?”
“It’s-it’s okay.”
“What do you mean ‘it’s okay’? I don’t want you to go home by yourself. Besides, what are you going to take? Taxi?”
“I’ll be fine,” Junmyeon insisted stubbornly. “Besides, you just got here...and your intention was to see Hongbin, right? Then you should. I promise you, I’ll be fine.”
Jongin didn’t look convinced, but once his brother made up his mind, then there was nothing he could do to change it. The tan-skinned male sighed deeply before pulling Junmyeon into a tight hug. The affectionate gesture got Junmyeon to smile. Jongin was never hesitant to show that he really cared...
“I’ll see you at home?”
Junmyeon closed his eyes. “Yeah...you’ll see me at home.”
“Okay then,” Jongin slowly pulled away with his hands still on Junmyeon’s shoulders. His expression was worried, but he said nothing about it. “Be careful.”
Junmyeon nodded and did his best to smile earnestly. Jongin gave him one last look before entering the building. As soon as his brother disappeared from his peripheral vision, the smile on his face disappeared and Junmyeon didn’t waste any time to look for Yifan’s car.
2205...2205...
Junmyeon’s steps came to a stop when he finally spotted Yifan’s car on the farthest row. His jaw dropped involuntarily at the sight. The car was definitely expensive-although no cars were cheap, actually. As expected from the best doctor in the hospital...? Junmyeon made sure it was the right vehicle as he double checked the license plate. It was. All of a sudden, the window in the passenger’s side rolled down, showing Yifan’s (attractive) face.
“Get in.”
Junmyeon momentarily closed his eyes before climbing into the car. Why am I doing this...? Why am I so obedient...? Is it really because of Hongbin...?
“Who was that?”
“Who...?” Junmyeon looked a bit lost as he buckled on his seat-belt.
“He’s good-looking,” Yifan shrugged as if to show that he didn’t care, but his tone couldn’t hide the fact that he was curious. “He suits you better. The way he hugs you indicates how much he cares for you.”
Oh.
“You mean...Jongin?” The corner of Junmyeon’s eyes were crinkling as he smiled in amusement. “If I get together with him, then it’s incest...”
Yifan turned to look at him with a blank expression. “He’s your brother?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well,” Yifan said as he started the engine, looking somewhat content. “In that case, I’m quite relieved Sehun doesn’t hug me that often...”
***
“Strip.”
Junmyeon swallowed thickly. He dared himself to look at Yifan before dropping his gaze to the shirt the latter was proffering.
Yifan’s shirt.
“What’s...this?”
“My shirt. Wouldn’t want yours to get dirty. Now strip.”
It hadn’t been a minute since they arrived at Yifan’s (magnificent) apartment, and Junmyeon was being told to strip. The smaller of the two immediately flew his hand to his chest, his own fingers clutching the first few buttons.
“N-now?” Yifan’s death glare made Junmyeon realize that it might not be a good reaction. “Um, where’s the bathroom...?”
“You’re not going anywhere. Strip.”
“Here?” Junmyeon gasped when Yifan took a step closer in annoyance. “Okay, okay!” He was sure his face must be really red like a boiled crab but it didn’t stop Yifan from staring. For a split second, Junmyeon wondered why he had agreed to this. But then the image of Hongbin smiling came to his mind, and yet it didn’t make him to feel at ease.
Hongbin.
Was he doing it for Hongbin? But...wasn’t it Yifan’s job as a doctor to treat his patients? Then why...did he treat Junmyeon like this?
“Don’t stop.”
“Huh?” Junmyeon lifted up his face and it was then he realized that he was completely topless.
“You do understand the meaning of ‘strip’, right?” Yifan groaned. The taller male closed the distance between them as he reached for Junmyeon’s zippers.
Automatically, Junmyeon cried and he tried to push Yifan away, but it was no use. Yifan grabbed his slender arms so easily and Junmyeon was unable to get away from him.
“Do you want him to be able to walk again or not??”
The way Yifan spoke those words was so menacing that it got Junmyeon to wince.
“Are you,” Junmyeon whispered fearfully. “Are you threatening me...?”
Yifan didn’t answer the question.
“Isn’t it your job...?” Junmyeon continued, this time with tears threatening to fall from the rim of his eyes. “Then why-“
“He’s so lucky to be loved by you. For you to be willing to do what I ask you to...”
“Huh?”
“I said...no, nevermind.” Yifan seemed a bit disappointed. Junmyeon opened his mouth to ask why, but it was soon replaced by a small shriek because Yifan had pushed him abruptly onto the bed. The doctor still had his wrists trapped and Junmyeon thought he needed to go to the hospital now because his heart was thumping so fast. “Have you ever done it with a man before?”
“Wh-what? Why-“
“Have you ever done it with him??”
“Doctor Wu-“
“Have you??”
“No, I haven’t done it with anyone!” Junmyeon cried weakly with his eyes closed. Why was Yifan being like this? Being topless in front of him was embarrassing enough, plus the strange questions... Junmyeon could feel his cheeks were burning and it made him a bit dizzy. “And I’m... I’m scared...”
“You don’t need to be,” Yifan replied gently. “It’s me. I’m not gonna hurt you...”
Junmyeon’s stomach fluttered when he felt Yifan kissing his eyelids. Those words soothed him. For someone who was going to take away his virginity-by threatening him?-Junmyeon’s heart ached terribly due to the simple touch, and he didn’t know why. Yifan then traveled his hands from his wrists to his palms before lacing their fingers together.
Junmyeon’s hands felt so small compared to Yifan’s.
And it felt so wonderful.
“Is kissing okay?”
“Eh?”
“Is kissing okay for you? Is it okay...if I kiss you?”
Junmyeon wanted to cry that he needed to go to the hospital because something was incredibly wrong with his heart. His heartbeat just wouldn’t slow down... That, and Yifan’s body heat was affecting him and Junmyeon could tell his own body responded greatly.
To Yifan.
And it was something he had never felt before...
...not even to Hongbin.
“Yes...”
Junmyeon must’ve been out of his mind when he said that.
“Yes, you can kiss me...”
Yifan looked surprised for a moment, but then the handsome male broke into a fond smile as he leaned down.
Their lips finally met for the first time.
Strangely, Junmyeon didn’t want it to be their last time.
[2]