Thinking Of You [2/2]
Title: Thinking Of You [2/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KaiSoo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Jongin wasn’t his, but he was always the one on Kyungsoo’s mind.
[1]
Kyungsoo walked home with a dreamy smile all over his face.
He felt like a giggling high-school girl every time he remembered Jongin. For some reasons, Kyungsoo just couldn’t stop thinking about Jongin. The feeling was so wonderful that it got him to wonder, had he ever felt this way toward Hyunsik...? Why did Jongin feel so...special?
However, all of his happy thoughts faltered instantly when he saw Hyunsik sitting in front of his apartment’s door.
Of all things, he would’ve never thought that Hyunsik would be there. It occurred to Kyungsoo to turn around and run away, but perhaps it was too late. Kyungsoo’s steps slowed down when Hyunsik lifted up his face.
Their eyes met and Kyungsoo felt uneasy all of a sudden.
Hyunsik dusted his jeans and stood up with a small smile, waiting for Kyungsoo to approach him. There was no way Kyungsoo was going to be able to walk away, so he simply returned the smile and shuffled forward. He braced himself for what was coming-Hyunsik was going to snap at him for sure.
Instead, his boyfriend handed him a grocery bag.
“Fruits and vegetables. I brought some yoghurt too...”
Kyungsoo gaped as he received the proffered thing in confusion. Why did Hyunsik bring him all of these? “Um...? Th-thank you...?”
Hyunsik fished his hands into his pockets. “Are you all right now?”
Kyungsoo frowned. “What...?”
It was Hyunsik’s turn to frown. “Your text yesterday at the coffee shop. I was really worried. I tried to call you last night, but your phone was off.”
“What te-“ Kyungsoo immediately fell silent when he remembered it was Jongin who had his phone yesterday. Luckily, he managed to morph his confusion into a cough. “Ah. That. Well. Uh, I kind of forget what did I send to you...”
Hyunsik raised his eyebrows judgingly. “You forgot? Seriously? Let me remind it for you, then. Your words were: ‘Constipated need to go home don’t follow me bye’. No commas, no full-stops.”
Kyungsoo turned very pink and he almost clawed his own face at Jongin’s choice of words. Ugh, that man!! He could’ve chosen wiser words and yet-dammit! I knew something was off!
“Where have you been?”
Hyunsik’s question made Kyungsoo stun. The shorter of the two stared at Hyunsik silently, and he realized the latter was inspecting him from head to toe. Kyungsoo cleared his throat, his brain was working hard to find a reason.
“I’ve...been...to the supermarket.”
“Without changing your clothes?”
Kyungsoo mentally smacked himself. Of course Hyunsik would’ve noticed. His clothes were still the one from yesterday, the one he wore when they got separated.
“I haven’t...taken a shower since yesterday.”
“Hm,” Hyunsik hummed nonchalantly.
“Anyway,” Kyungsoo quickly said, hoping that it would distract Hyunsik. He made a mental note to kill Jongin later as he lifted up his hand, motioning what the older male had brought him. “These are for me, right?”
Hyunsik nodded and Kyungsoo sincerely smiled at how thoughtful he was. To bring him fruits and vegetables just because he (Jongin) told him about (fake) constipation...
Kyungsoo then invited Hyunsik to come inside, because it was only natural if he did so. Kyungsoo headed to the kitchen to make something to drink while Hyunsik stayed in the living room. He heard the sound of the television seconds after, something about the weather being broadcasted. Kyungsoo then got back into the living room with two cups of coffee. He hesitated for a moment before sitting on the empty spot beside Hyunsik on the couch.
It was awkward.
Kyungsoo waited, but it seemed like neither of them would initiate the conversation. He briefly wondered if he should apologize first. But Hyunsik hadn’t apologized too, right? Kyungsoo was still a bit hurt at what his boyfriend (or ex?) had done to Chanyeol the other day. Realizing that the situation would stay the same because apparently Hyunsik was too stubborn to admit that he was wrong, Kyungsoo stood up with a loud sigh.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Okay.”
Kyungsoo half-hoped that Hyunsik would take the hint and leave, but the latter’s eyes were fixed on the television screen. He snatched a towel on his way to the bathroom. The moment Kyungsoo closed the door, he felt like punching himself.
Stupid!
If he wanted Hyunsik to leave, he should’ve just said so. He could always tell the older male that he still needed some time to think and that he wasn’t sure with their relationship. Those reasons should be enough... Kyungsoo had just (gloomily) taken his top off when all of a sudden, a soft knocking was heard on the door.
“Kyungsoo...?”
“Y-yes?”
“Can I join...?”
Shit.
Kyungsoo hid his grunt by covering his mouth with a hand. He tiredly pressed his back against the door, thinking hard for an answer. He wasn’t exactly in the mood... If he answered ‘yes’, Kyungsoo would definitely hate himself because he wasn’t being honest. But if he answered ‘no’...
The doe-eyed male dragged a hand down his face as he bit back a cry. Having sex with Hyunsik was the last thing on his mind right now. He didn’t want to do it, oh hell, big no. Kyungsoo still didn’t know what to retort as he helplessly glanced at his slender body in the mirror. Which was a good thing to do, because what he saw in the reflection made him gasp and within seconds, Kyungsoo quickly put his shirt back on and dashed outside the bathroom.
“Hyunsik, I-“
Hyunsik casually peered over his shoulder and Kyungsoo was a bit surprised that the former hadn’t even taken off of his jacket. If he was about to join Kyungsoo, he should’ve at least had taken it off...right? The thought made Kyungsoo frown, but he dismissed the feeling because it wasn’t the perfect time to think about it.
“Yes?”
“I...I don’t feel so well,” Kyungsoo lied. “I don’t think I will take a shower. I’m just gonna lie down and rest...”
Hyunsik gave him a solemn stare, one that made Kyungsoo realize that the other male was actually as hesitant as him. “I see. Well, I’ll leave you to rest then...”
Kyungsoo forced himself to nod. He felt horrible as he walked Hyunsik to the door, but he sent the taller male off with a smile.
“Hyunsik.”
“Yeah?”
“...thank you. For being so thoughtful. ...I’m talking about the fruits, by the way.”
Hyunsik broke into an amused grin at that. He simply patted Kyungsoo’s head as a reply, and Kyungsoo’s heart skipped a beat at the affectionate gesture.
“See you, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo felt horrible.
Because Hyunsik wasn’t the person on his mind when his heart skipped a beat.
***
Hyunsik still intensely contacted Kyungsoo after that.
The words of apologize for their last fight never came from Hyunsik, but Kyungsoo forgave him. Deep down inside, Kyungsoo knew Hyunsik cared about him. The way he still contacted Kyungsoo often showed that Hyunsik wanted to fix everything.
Perhaps he ought to give him another chance...
So Kyungsoo did.
But even if their relationship stayed the same, it didn’t feel the same.
From the outside, they might look happy and everything, but on the inside, Kyungsoo felt like breaking apart any moment. He felt guilty, because Hyunsik wasn’t the person who had been filling his mind for the past few days. Kyungsoo tried not to think about it, but no matter what he did, his mind would always, always flew to a certain tan male.
Hyunsik called him that night just before Kyungsoo went to bed.
The phone call was short, but it was enough to make Kyungsoo cry. He was so sad. Kyungsoo clearly wasn’t happy with their relationship, and if it was possible, he didn’t want to lie to himself anymore. But he-they?-was just too scared to admit that they weren’t working. The two of them had been closing their eyes at the fact and chose to continue to patch the holes in their relationship.
But how long would they last...?
Kyungsoo sobbed quietly into his pillow when his phone vibrated. The male whimpered in distaste, planning not to pick it up if it was Hyunsik again, but the name on the screen made him stop crying.
Handsome Jongin.
The corner of Kyungsoo’s lips twitched and he picked up without thinking.
“Seriously? Handsome Jongin?”
“Why hello, nice to know you miss me too, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, although Jongin couldn’t see it.
“Have you been crying?”
Kyungsoo blinked. “Wha-“
“Well,” Jongin replied and Kyungsoo could picture him shrugging. “I haven’t contacted you because I think I would give you some time to think about your relationship with your boyfriend. So if my feelings are right and you’ve been crying, it can only mean two things: Either you have broke up, again, or you feel miserable because you’re still with him.”
Kyungsoo covered his mouth with his palm. How...? Was he that easy to read...? Was he that obvious...?
“But, I didn’t call just to give you a lecture about your relationship.”
“So why did you call...?”
“You left again without waking me up.”
“Huh?” Kyungsoo licked his lips in amusement. “Wait, are you talking about several days ago...?”
“Yes. Glad you still remember.”
“Why wouldn’t I remember?” Kyungsoo closed his mouth, feeling unsure if he was supposed to say that. “But you have my number this time...”
“Yes, and you could’ve turned off your phone and change your number for all I know. Then I shall thank you for not changing your number.” Jongin paused momentarily. “Did you like the marks I left you?”
Kyungsoo pouted in dismay. “You were marking me.”
“Which was my truly intention.”
“What did you mean...?”
“It might sound ridiculous, but the first time this happened, I honestly thought you left because the sex was crappy. Which was definitely untrue, because I am amazing in bed, of course. Besides, you were squirming underneath me and writhing and begging for more-“
“Jongin!”
“-sorry, can’t help myself,” Jongin apologized and Kyungsoo had a feeling the former had a very smug grin on his face. “It turned out I was right, it was because you had a boyfriend-“
“Have,” Kyungsoo corrected, but he himself wasn’t sure.
“Whatever.”
“Jongin...”
”You do what you have to do, but I’m not letting you go, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo pressed his lips into a thin line.
“You’re right, I am selfish. I want you all to myself. We might have met in a strange place, but Kyungsoo...believe me when I say you are the one for me. And with that in mind, I don’t want your boyfriend slash soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend to strip you out of your clothes. I don’t want him to touch you. And even if he does, he will stop because of the bruises on your skin.”
Kyungsoo’s throat went dry.
Those words sounded so wrong.
If Kyungsoo was still thinking about Hyunsik, he probably would’ve snapped at Jongin. But he wasn’t at all... Kyungsoo lowered his head with an inaudible sigh. It was a good thing he looked at himself right before he let Hyunsik in the other day, or else they probably would have the argument of the year. His skin had turned blue especially on the spots that Jongin took forever to nibble on-his collarbone, a few inches above his nipples, his waist, but what was worse was on his inner thighs.
Had Hyunsik seen that...
“You see, I’m letting you in a relationship-for now. You have to keep in mind that it’s only temporary. But I’m not letting anyone else-including your boyfriend-touches you, do you understand that?”
Kyungsoo gulped.
“I’m asking you a question, Kyungsoo. Do you understand that?”
“Y-yes...”
“Good. Very good. Now how was your day?”
Kyungsoo’s heartbeat wouldn’t slow down.
What had he gotten himself into...?
***
“Is everything okay between you and Hyunsik?”
Sometimes, Kyungsoo forgot that Yixing was a keen observer.
Hyunsik still occasionally dropped by at work, and they looked fine. None of his colleagues would’ve suspected anything. To everyone’s eyes, they were all right, but apparently, not to Yixing. And Kyungsoo hated it whenever Yixing’s hunch was right. But he knew sooner or later, the question would slip out of his close friend’s mouth.
So Kyungsoo decided to be honest about it and he nodded in return. “Of course. We’re good. Great, actually.”
“Hm...”
“Is something wrong...?”
“Nothing,” Yixing quickly said with a head shake. “It’s just that Hyunsik’s...been...quiet lately. There’s something off about him... Like...he’s been thinking of something but he doesn’t seem to find any solution, and yet he doesn’t ask for any help. You know how Hyunsik is.”
Maybe I don’t, Kyungsoo thought bitterly. Nonetheless, he voiced out nothing.
“Kyungsoo?”
“Yeah.”
“I know I’m in no position to ask, but...” Yixing started carefully. “...did you guys have a fight...?”
Kyungsoo was completely taken aback by the sudden question. His expression must’ve showed it when he merely gazed at Yixing, and Yixing’s eyes widened in realization. Kyungsoo didn’t answer the question, but the look on Yixing’s face showed that he understood.
There is someone else.
Yixing grimaced. “How long...?”
“It’s-it’s not like what you think-“
“I’m only asking you, how long...?”
Kyungsoo sighed in defeat. He looked away reluctantly. “Not long at all. I’ve only met him...twice.”
“Twice,” Yixing repeated. “And he already made you feel like this.”
“Made me feel like what...?” Kyungsoo turned his head back to Yixing with a helpless expression. “I mean, I don’t... I don’t know. I don’t know, Yixing...”
Yixing looked thoughtful for a moment. “Does Hyunsik know...?”
Kyungsoo shook his head.
“When are you going to tell him?”
A disbelief chuckle escaped Kyungsoo’s lips. “Are you serious? There’s no way I would be able to tell Hyunsik about this.”
“Why not? Tell him you’re unhappy.”
“I can’t do that! It’s too cruel...”
“But you’re being cruel to yourself,” Yixing said sternly. “Look at you, Kyungsoo. You need to stop torturing yourself. And that other person, whoever he is... Has it occurred to you that even if you’ve just met him twice, if he was able to rock your world like this, then he’s probably the one for you?”
No.
“What if it’s just temporary...?” Kyungsoo whispered sadly. “What if this feeling is just temporary...? What if he’s not the one for me...? I’m scared, Yixing...”
“You’ll never understand if you never talk to him. Go talk to him, Kyungsoo.”
Yixing squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand as if to give him strength, but it didn’t make Kyungsoo feel any better.
***
Yixing’s words bothered Kyungsoo so much that the latter’s feelings became a mess.
His work was done, but Kyungsoo didn’t want to go home yet. He had been walking around aimlessly to clear his head off.
Before he knew it, he had reached Jongin’s apartment and Kyungsoo’s jaw subconsciously dropped.
Why am I here...?
Kyungsoo almost spun around to leave, but then he remembered that he actually had been wanting to meet Jongin. He wanted to see that handsome face... And hopefully, by seeing Jongin, Kyungsoo would understand his true feelings.
He didn’t know how long had it been since he had arrived in front of Jongin’s door, but he didn’t have the strength to lift his hand and knock. Minutes passed by quickly. The weather was cold and unfortunately, Kyungsoo sneezed a bit too loud in the still of the night. A moment later, the door swung open and a very nonchalant Jongin peeked his head out.
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo instinctively took a step back. “Hi!”
Jongin was obviously surprised to see Kyungsoo. Asking him what was he doing out there seemed to be the most logical thing to do, but the tan male pulled Kyungsoo into his apartment instead. “It’s cold out there.”
Kyungsoo chuckled nervously as he laced his hands together. “Kind of...”
“You’re shivering,” Jongin frowned as he closed the door behind them. “How long has it been since you arrived?”
Kyungsoo rubbed his cold nose thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Quite a while...I think.”
Jongin sighed disapprovingly. The tan male was only clad in a sweater and a pair of jeans, but even in such simple clothes, Jongin was really handsome. The way he styled his hair was up-to-date and Kyungsoo was pretty sure Jongin’s sweater cost a lot more than his monthly savings.
“This is going to make a misunderstanding but...what brings you here?”
Kyungsoo’s shoulders flinched. “You don’t want me here...?”
Jongin snorted into a smile. “That’s why I said it’s going to make a misunderstanding. Of course I want you here. Besides, I’m just really happy that you’ve come with your own will, without me having to drag you here.”
A small smile graced upon Kyungsoo’s plump lips. He feebly leaned forward to rest his head against Jongin’s chest. “I’m sorry. I just...”
I miss you, Jongin.
Jongin gently placed a hand on Kyungsoo’s nape. Kyungsoo then looked up at Jongin and their eyes connected.
This time, it created something between them. Something that was already there...something that had gotten bigger every time he saw Jongin.
Jongin slowly lowered his face, closing the gaps between their lips, but at the same time giving Kyungsoo the chance to think. That if he didn’t want this, he could back away before it was too late.
Kyungsoo fluttered his eyes close and Jongin pressed their lips together.
It wasn’t his first kiss, but there was something about Jongin that kept him thinking like that. His heartbeat quickened at the sensation. It wasn’t because Jongin was a great kisser. It also wasn’t because of Jongin was experienced...
It was because Kyungsoo felt like he was the one.
Was it wrong to think like that...?
Kyungsoo sighed contentedly into the kiss. He unconsciously brought his hands around Jongin’s neck, bringing him even closer.
No.
Jongin was definitely the one.
But then again, it was too soon for him to think that. All Kyungsoo knew was that he was comfortable with Jongin and that he wanted the latter to keep on showering him with affection. He wanted Jongin to always make him feel special. To make him feel like he was the only one for him, and no other.
Jongin was the first one to pull away and Kyungsoo found himself feeling a bit disappointed. However, Kyungsoo noticed the sincere yet questioning smile on Jongin’s lips.
“What...?” Kyungsoo asked.
“Do you have any idea what you just did?”
Kyungsoo was confused. Did he just do something that Jongin didn’t like...? Kyungsoo opened his mouth to apologize, but Jongin intercepted him by saying,
“You’re kissing me back.”
Kyungsoo blinked. He did. He did.
“And you’re still uncertain about your feelings?”
That got Kyungsoo to gasp. Jongin was giving him a hard look, but his orbs weren’t filled with judgement. It was as if the taller male was waiting for him to admit it out loud. Kyungsoo was so confused and scared that he couldn’t bring himself to answer.
Because Hyunsik...
“I saw you with your boyfriend the other day, remember?”
Kyungsoo dumbly nodded.
“If you guys were even still in a relationship, it screamed the other way around.” Jongin’s eyes softened as he loosened his grip on Kyungsoo’s waist. “I just want to ask a question, Kyungsoo. When you were in the club that night...the first time we met...were you still in a relationship with him?”
“No,” Kyungsoo whispered. It was true, because they were fighting and Kyungsoo had screamed that it was over. Or...at least he thought so.
“Then why are you trying so hard to make it perfect?”
“Why are you so stubborn about me?” Kyungsoo couldn’t help but ask.
“It’s probably the same reason why you come here. Why are you here, Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo froze.
“I know that I said I would never stop to make you mine, which is still my intention,” Jongin said quietly. “But if you ever tell me to give up, I will retreat immediately. And if you still can’t make up your mind and you’re planning to just make me your toy, I can’t take it.”
“I’m not-“
“I’m not finished yet,” Jongin interrupted offhandedly and Kyungsoo closed his mouth back. “At first I thought I would be all right being your second one, but I honestly don’t want to. I want to be your only one, Kyungsoo. So really, it’s your choice. If you’re still uncertain about me, about us, you can walk out of here and I will never ever bother you again. But if you stay...you know the consequences. I will never let you go back into his arms again.”
Jongin suddenly let him go and Kyungsoo almost stumbled back.
Something screamed within him that he wasn’t sure, that he didn’t know, that he needed more time.
No, it’s not fair.
But Jongin looked like he was completely determined about his decision. He simply stared at Kyungsoo, who stared back wordlessly.
“I’m-“
Jongin waited patiently.
“I’m staying.”
Kyungsoo must have lost his sane mind when he pulled Jongin into a searing kiss.
“I’m staying...”
***
Jongin took his time to pleasure Kyungsoo that night.
Kyungsoo couldn’t stop crying Jongin’s name, and Jongin couldn’t stop kissing Kyungsoo.
Their lips were probably bruised, and Kyungsoo probably couldn’t walk on the next morning. It wasn’t their first time, but Jongin just loved how Kyungsoo was getting more and more sensitive every time he touched him. Kyungsoo dug his nails into Jongin’s skin when the latter managed to find his sweet spot inside him.
When Kyungsoo reached his climax, he collapsed weakly on Jongin’s bed. He was still gasping for air when Jongin forced him to face him, and Kyungsoo stared through his half-lidded eyes.
Jongin kissed him lovingly.
“I love you.”
Kyungsoo almost burst out crying upon hearing those words.
“I love you, Kyungsoo...”
Because maybe, just maybe, Kyungsoo loved him too.
***
“What did you fight about the other day?”
“...with Hyunsik...?”
“Ugh, do you have to mention his name?? But yeah. With him. What did he do so that you went to the club that night?”
“It...it was childish.”
“Try me.”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Do you want me to leave more marks on your body?”
“Wait-fine, Jongin, I said fine!! I’ll talk! He-he pulled me away when I was talking to Chanyeol. There, you satisfied? It just irritated me because I haven’t seen him in a long time, and the way he dragged me away was rude. I mean, I’ve never done that to his friends before... Chanyeol’s my high-school friend, by the way.”
“Oh. That’s it? You had a fight...only because of that?”
“Mm.”
“Because if it were me, it would be ten times worse than that. I would’ve just kissed you right in front of Chanyeol, so that he would know that you’re mine-hey, why are you laughing?”
“N-nothing...”
“You’re so gonna get more hickeys tonight, Do Kyungsoo. But seriously, would you snap at me if I do that? If that ever happens, I seriously hope that you won’t go to the club and ditch me for someone else...”
“What are you talking about? Of course I won’t...”
“Promise me?”
“I promise you.”
“Really?”
“Really, if it’s you, Jongin, it’s all right...”
***
It only took a moment for Kyungsoo to feel certain about his relationship with Jongin, but he still didn’t have the courage to tell Hyunsik that they were over.
He chose to avoid all kinds of communication with Hyunsik.
Even though Jongin didn’t seem to approve what he did, the tan male only sighed as he told Kyungsoo to take his time. Inwardly, Kyungsoo felt a bit grateful that Jongin was willing to wait until it was settled between him and Hyunsik.
But Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how long Jongin was going to be able to wait.
One day, Hyunsik made a call to his cellphone once when he was with Jongin. The call made Kyungsoo very unsure that he couldn’t say anything when Jongin deliberately took his phone away from him, turning it off without permission. Judging from the expression of the younger male, it was clear that he was jealous, but Jongin managed to suppress it.
It’s okay, was what Jongin had said. Just face him when you’re ready.
But Kyungsoo still certainly wasn’t ready when Hyunsik dropped by at his work that day.
Hyunsik had been waiting in front of his office that Kyungsoo didn’t even have the time to run away. The doe-eyed male was walking outside together with Yixing and upon seeing Hyunsik, his friend gave Kyungsoo a gentle push as if to tell him to take the chance to talk.
Hyunsik smiled at him and Kyungsoo was supposed to smile back, but all the latter could do was dropping his gaze onto the ground.
Jongin.
“Are you done...?”
Kyungsoo nodded mutely.
“Can I walk you home...?”
No, Kyungsoo wanted to retort, because he wanted to be with Jongin, but he couldn’t bring himself to decline. So he nodded again and started following Hyunsik.
The whole trip home was painfully silent.
Kyungsoo didn’t know how long had it been until Hyunsik was the first one to break the silence. The taller male grabbed Kyungsoo’s wrist all of a sudden that it got the two of them to stop walking.
“Do Kyungsoo...”
Kyungsoo only gave Hyunsik a sideways glance, but he had a bad feeling about Hyunsik’s tone.
“I know this is so sudden and this might be too soon, but...”
Jongin...help.
“Will you marry me?”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened.
***
“Jongin...?”
“Kyungsoo, where are you? I’ve been worried sick-“
“I met Hyunsik today.”
“You met-oh. And then...? What happened? Did he do something to you?”
“He...asked me to marry him.”
“...”
“And I...said yes.”
“...”
“Because...it would be unfair to throw everything away...”
“You mean it would be unfair to him if you throw everything away for me?”
“I...”
“Did you even think about me when you made that decision?”
“Jongin...”
“Nevermind that, Kyungsoo. Just for once, I want you to think for your own sake. Are you happy with him? It’s the question that only you can answer. Just now, by saying yes to his proposal, did you burst out with happiness? Did you feel like you want to cry?”
“...yes...”
“...even so much more than those times when I kissed you...?”
“...y-yes...”
“...I see. That’s all I need to know. Then I wish you all the happiness in the world, Kyungsoo.”
“Jongin...”
“Goodbye.”
***
If Kyungsoo was being honest, he did feel like crying, only it wasn’t for happiness. He wasn’t exactly lying when Jongin asked him that...
Regret was starting to build within Kyungsoo, but the male was reluctant to admit it. Hyunsik looked really happy when he said yes, and there was no way he could turn back now.
Everyday, Kyungsoo forcefully told himself that Hyunsik was probably the one. All the fights they had were because Hyunsik was jealous...and it was natural. After all, they had been dating longer than his relationship with Jongin and if anything, Hyunsik should be the one who knew Kyungsoo best compared to Jongin...
...but why did he feel like a part of him went missing?
Even when he had a fight with Hyunsik, he had never felt this way...
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo blinked too many times before turning to Hyunsik with a forced smile. “Yes?”
“Are you all right?” Hyunsik looked genuinely concerned as he patted Kyungsoo’s head. “You’ve been spacing out a lot today... If you feel unwell, we can go back for now...we can always go tomorrow.”
Of course I’m not alright.
“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo nodded. He took a deep breath before getting a hold of himself. Hyunsik had taken him to a shop that day after work, apparently they were going to do some clothes fitting. To be honest, Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly fond of the idea. But he had said yes, so... “Which one do you want me to try on...?”
Hyunsik didn’t look convinced at his response but he handed Kyungsoo the suit anyway. “How about this one? Do you like the color?”
“Any color is fine. Where’s the fitting room?”
The taller of the two hesitantly jerked his thumb toward the general direction of the changing room. “Over there.” Just as Kyungsoo turned around to walk to the said place, Hyunsik called out his name. “Kyungsoo.”
“Yes?”
Hyunsik was quiet for a moment. “If you don’t want to get married so soon, we can always get engaged first...”
Kyungsoo simply sent Hyunsik a blank gaze. He clutched the fabric so hard between his fingers that he was afraid the clothes would tear. Kyungsoo didn’t know how to react to that, so he merely shook his head and shuffled forward to the fitting room.
The male exhaled loudly before stripping out of his shirt. Just as he was about to put the suit on, Kyungsoo was stunned at his reflection in the mirror.
The mark Jongin left him on his chest was still there.
Kyungsoo trailed his fingers on his chest and smiled to himself. Now that he thought about it, Jongin kind of had a thing for his chest... Even though they’re flat, Kyungsoo giggled quietly. He continued to gaze at his reflection for a few moments, wondering how Jongin was doing at the moment when his phone vibrated in his pocket.
Part of him wished that it was Handsome Jongin, but it turned out that it was from an unknown number.
Kyungsoo ignored it at first, but as he had another incoming call from the same number, he decided to finally take the call. “Hello?”
“...is this Kyungsoo?”
“Yes...?” Kyungsoo replied in uncertainty. The voice was unfamiliar. “Who is this...?”
“This is Yifan, Jongin’s brother-in-law.”
Kyungsoo’s heart almost came to a stop. “Jongin’s...?”
“He got into an accident...”
***
Kyungsoo didn’t think that he had been this scared in his life before.
One phone call was all he needed to dash out of the fitting room, breathless with tears spilled over his cheeks, stuttering an apologize to Hyunsik and cried that he couldn’t marry him.
Because there was someone else.
It was as if his feet had turned into jellies because Kyungsoo almost didn’t have the strength to walk. He prayed that Jongin would be all right, he prayed that Jongin would be safe and sound because he needed to tell him how he felt. The moment Yifan mentioned the name of the hospital, Kyungsoo didn’t need any more time to think.
He wanted to be with Jongin.
A nurse chided Kyungsoo for running in the hospital, but not like he gave a damn about it at the moment. Kyungsoo wanted to be by Jongin’s side as soon as possible. He didn’t want to lose Jongin, oh God, please, let me be with him...
“Jongin!”
Jongin looked up from the bed and Kyungsoo felt as if his stomach was turning upside down. “Kyungsoo...? Why are you here?”
A sheepish smile was all Kyungsoo earned in return.
“I’m guessing Yifan called you? I’m okay, it’s just a few bruises and OWWW-“
Kyungsoo literally jumped across the room to reach Jongin. The tears just wouldn’t stop flowing as he hugged Jongin tightly.
“-fortunately no broken bones,” Jongin finished with a wince but he welcomed Kyungsoo’s warmth anyway.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo sobbed sadly, his fingers digging into Jongin’s sleeve. “I’m sorry, Jongin...”
“Why are you sorry?” Jongin murmured against Kyungsoo’s forehead. “You did nothing wrong. I was just careless...”
“But still, if anything happens to you...” Kyungsoo glanced up, his eyes were still sparkling with tears. He pressed his lips together worriedly. “I was so scared...”
“I’m okay,” Jongin patted Kyungsoo’s back soothingly. If only time could stop... Having Kyungsoo in his arms felt so right, but he shouldn’t be selfish... Jongin gave himself a moment to hug Kyungsoo back before sighing in resignation. “It’s late. You should go back...”
“I belong here with you. I should be beside you all the time...”
Jongin held his breath in anticipation. There was something about Kyungsoo’s tone that made him hope. Jongin slowly pulled away in half disbelief, half expecting. “Are you serious...?”
Kyungsoo nodded firmly. He caressed Jongin’s cheek with his thumb longingly. “Dead serious.”
“Is this real...?” Jongin whispered as he cupped Kyungsoo’s cheeks. “You’re choosing me...?”
“Yes...” Kyungsoo chuckled. “I’m certain about my feelings now, Jongin...”
“And that is...?”
Kyungsoo softly pressed his lips against Jongin.
“You're the one for me, Kim Jongin...”
End.
“Yo, Do Kyungsoo!!”
Kyungsoo lazily threw a glance over his shoulder and his eyes widened upon seeing who it was. “H-hey, Chanyeol...”
Chanyeol grinned too brightly to Kyungsoo’s liking. “Yes! Long time no see!”
Kyungsoo nervously nodded. The last time Kyungsoo met Chanyeol was a few months ago when he was with Hyunsik, and it wasn’t exactly a happy ending. He immediately swallowed and stole a glance at Jongin from the corner of his eye, a bit afraid that his boyfriend would drag him away from Chanyeol.
“Um, babe, this is my high school friend, Chanyeol...”
As expected, Jongin only narrowed his eyes in silence at Chanyeol.
Kyungsoo mentally prepared himself, just in case Jongin got mad and dragged him away (and scolded him for being so friendly) or even to be kissed, just like Jongin had said the other day. Unexpectedly, Jongin smiled instead and offered his hand to Chanyeol.
“Kim Jongin.”
Chanyeol accepted the proffered hand with a grin. “Park Chanyeol, dude.”
Kyungsoo looked at Jongin in amazement. The three of them chatted some more after that and got separated with Chanyeol exclaiming something of going to meet with his boyfriend. This time, Kyungsoo got to hear the name of his boyfriend-Baekhyun or something.
Confused, Kyungsoo stole a few glances at Jongin, still feeling a bit skeptical that his (official) boyfriend would snap at him.
Nothing came.
Instead, Jongin simply raised his eyebrows at Kyungsoo, as if to ask the latter what was wrong.
“Jongin?”
“Hm?”
“I-I honestly thought you were going to scold me...”
Jongin sighed dramatically as he wrapped an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “It’s actually what I’m dying to do. But I’m gonna learn how to share. Especially if they’re just old friends...”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it. And don’t worry. You know I’m only yours, Jongin...”
“Oh, you’re mine, all right. Don’t think you’re gonna be anyone else’s ever again. Just one question, though.”
“Yes?”
“He’s really an old friend, right? Chanyeol isn’t your ex, right?”
Kyungsoo burst out laughing.
“I love you, Jongin...”
“I love you too, but he’s not, right???”
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KaiSoo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Jongin wasn’t his, but he was always the one on Kyungsoo’s mind.
[1]
Kyungsoo walked home with a dreamy smile all over his face.
He felt like a giggling high-school girl every time he remembered Jongin. For some reasons, Kyungsoo just couldn’t stop thinking about Jongin. The feeling was so wonderful that it got him to wonder, had he ever felt this way toward Hyunsik...? Why did Jongin feel so...special?
However, all of his happy thoughts faltered instantly when he saw Hyunsik sitting in front of his apartment’s door.
Of all things, he would’ve never thought that Hyunsik would be there. It occurred to Kyungsoo to turn around and run away, but perhaps it was too late. Kyungsoo’s steps slowed down when Hyunsik lifted up his face.
Their eyes met and Kyungsoo felt uneasy all of a sudden.
Hyunsik dusted his jeans and stood up with a small smile, waiting for Kyungsoo to approach him. There was no way Kyungsoo was going to be able to walk away, so he simply returned the smile and shuffled forward. He braced himself for what was coming-Hyunsik was going to snap at him for sure.
Instead, his boyfriend handed him a grocery bag.
“Fruits and vegetables. I brought some yoghurt too...”
Kyungsoo gaped as he received the proffered thing in confusion. Why did Hyunsik bring him all of these? “Um...? Th-thank you...?”
Hyunsik fished his hands into his pockets. “Are you all right now?”
Kyungsoo frowned. “What...?”
It was Hyunsik’s turn to frown. “Your text yesterday at the coffee shop. I was really worried. I tried to call you last night, but your phone was off.”
“What te-“ Kyungsoo immediately fell silent when he remembered it was Jongin who had his phone yesterday. Luckily, he managed to morph his confusion into a cough. “Ah. That. Well. Uh, I kind of forget what did I send to you...”
Hyunsik raised his eyebrows judgingly. “You forgot? Seriously? Let me remind it for you, then. Your words were: ‘Constipated need to go home don’t follow me bye’. No commas, no full-stops.”
Kyungsoo turned very pink and he almost clawed his own face at Jongin’s choice of words. Ugh, that man!! He could’ve chosen wiser words and yet-dammit! I knew something was off!
“Where have you been?”
Hyunsik’s question made Kyungsoo stun. The shorter of the two stared at Hyunsik silently, and he realized the latter was inspecting him from head to toe. Kyungsoo cleared his throat, his brain was working hard to find a reason.
“I’ve...been...to the supermarket.”
“Without changing your clothes?”
Kyungsoo mentally smacked himself. Of course Hyunsik would’ve noticed. His clothes were still the one from yesterday, the one he wore when they got separated.
“I haven’t...taken a shower since yesterday.”
“Hm,” Hyunsik hummed nonchalantly.
“Anyway,” Kyungsoo quickly said, hoping that it would distract Hyunsik. He made a mental note to kill Jongin later as he lifted up his hand, motioning what the older male had brought him. “These are for me, right?”
Hyunsik nodded and Kyungsoo sincerely smiled at how thoughtful he was. To bring him fruits and vegetables just because he (Jongin) told him about (fake) constipation...
Kyungsoo then invited Hyunsik to come inside, because it was only natural if he did so. Kyungsoo headed to the kitchen to make something to drink while Hyunsik stayed in the living room. He heard the sound of the television seconds after, something about the weather being broadcasted. Kyungsoo then got back into the living room with two cups of coffee. He hesitated for a moment before sitting on the empty spot beside Hyunsik on the couch.
It was awkward.
Kyungsoo waited, but it seemed like neither of them would initiate the conversation. He briefly wondered if he should apologize first. But Hyunsik hadn’t apologized too, right? Kyungsoo was still a bit hurt at what his boyfriend (or ex?) had done to Chanyeol the other day. Realizing that the situation would stay the same because apparently Hyunsik was too stubborn to admit that he was wrong, Kyungsoo stood up with a loud sigh.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Okay.”
Kyungsoo half-hoped that Hyunsik would take the hint and leave, but the latter’s eyes were fixed on the television screen. He snatched a towel on his way to the bathroom. The moment Kyungsoo closed the door, he felt like punching himself.
Stupid!
If he wanted Hyunsik to leave, he should’ve just said so. He could always tell the older male that he still needed some time to think and that he wasn’t sure with their relationship. Those reasons should be enough... Kyungsoo had just (gloomily) taken his top off when all of a sudden, a soft knocking was heard on the door.
“Kyungsoo...?”
“Y-yes?”
“Can I join...?”
Shit.
Kyungsoo hid his grunt by covering his mouth with a hand. He tiredly pressed his back against the door, thinking hard for an answer. He wasn’t exactly in the mood... If he answered ‘yes’, Kyungsoo would definitely hate himself because he wasn’t being honest. But if he answered ‘no’...
The doe-eyed male dragged a hand down his face as he bit back a cry. Having sex with Hyunsik was the last thing on his mind right now. He didn’t want to do it, oh hell, big no. Kyungsoo still didn’t know what to retort as he helplessly glanced at his slender body in the mirror. Which was a good thing to do, because what he saw in the reflection made him gasp and within seconds, Kyungsoo quickly put his shirt back on and dashed outside the bathroom.
“Hyunsik, I-“
Hyunsik casually peered over his shoulder and Kyungsoo was a bit surprised that the former hadn’t even taken off of his jacket. If he was about to join Kyungsoo, he should’ve at least had taken it off...right? The thought made Kyungsoo frown, but he dismissed the feeling because it wasn’t the perfect time to think about it.
“Yes?”
“I...I don’t feel so well,” Kyungsoo lied. “I don’t think I will take a shower. I’m just gonna lie down and rest...”
Hyunsik gave him a solemn stare, one that made Kyungsoo realize that the other male was actually as hesitant as him. “I see. Well, I’ll leave you to rest then...”
Kyungsoo forced himself to nod. He felt horrible as he walked Hyunsik to the door, but he sent the taller male off with a smile.
“Hyunsik.”
“Yeah?”
“...thank you. For being so thoughtful. ...I’m talking about the fruits, by the way.”
Hyunsik broke into an amused grin at that. He simply patted Kyungsoo’s head as a reply, and Kyungsoo’s heart skipped a beat at the affectionate gesture.
“See you, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo felt horrible.
Because Hyunsik wasn’t the person on his mind when his heart skipped a beat.
***
Hyunsik still intensely contacted Kyungsoo after that.
The words of apologize for their last fight never came from Hyunsik, but Kyungsoo forgave him. Deep down inside, Kyungsoo knew Hyunsik cared about him. The way he still contacted Kyungsoo often showed that Hyunsik wanted to fix everything.
Perhaps he ought to give him another chance...
So Kyungsoo did.
But even if their relationship stayed the same, it didn’t feel the same.
From the outside, they might look happy and everything, but on the inside, Kyungsoo felt like breaking apart any moment. He felt guilty, because Hyunsik wasn’t the person who had been filling his mind for the past few days. Kyungsoo tried not to think about it, but no matter what he did, his mind would always, always flew to a certain tan male.
Hyunsik called him that night just before Kyungsoo went to bed.
The phone call was short, but it was enough to make Kyungsoo cry. He was so sad. Kyungsoo clearly wasn’t happy with their relationship, and if it was possible, he didn’t want to lie to himself anymore. But he-they?-was just too scared to admit that they weren’t working. The two of them had been closing their eyes at the fact and chose to continue to patch the holes in their relationship.
But how long would they last...?
Kyungsoo sobbed quietly into his pillow when his phone vibrated. The male whimpered in distaste, planning not to pick it up if it was Hyunsik again, but the name on the screen made him stop crying.
Handsome Jongin.
The corner of Kyungsoo’s lips twitched and he picked up without thinking.
“Seriously? Handsome Jongin?”
“Why hello, nice to know you miss me too, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, although Jongin couldn’t see it.
“Have you been crying?”
Kyungsoo blinked. “Wha-“
“Well,” Jongin replied and Kyungsoo could picture him shrugging. “I haven’t contacted you because I think I would give you some time to think about your relationship with your boyfriend. So if my feelings are right and you’ve been crying, it can only mean two things: Either you have broke up, again, or you feel miserable because you’re still with him.”
Kyungsoo covered his mouth with his palm. How...? Was he that easy to read...? Was he that obvious...?
“But, I didn’t call just to give you a lecture about your relationship.”
“So why did you call...?”
“You left again without waking me up.”
“Huh?” Kyungsoo licked his lips in amusement. “Wait, are you talking about several days ago...?”
“Yes. Glad you still remember.”
“Why wouldn’t I remember?” Kyungsoo closed his mouth, feeling unsure if he was supposed to say that. “But you have my number this time...”
“Yes, and you could’ve turned off your phone and change your number for all I know. Then I shall thank you for not changing your number.” Jongin paused momentarily. “Did you like the marks I left you?”
Kyungsoo pouted in dismay. “You were marking me.”
“Which was my truly intention.”
“What did you mean...?”
“It might sound ridiculous, but the first time this happened, I honestly thought you left because the sex was crappy. Which was definitely untrue, because I am amazing in bed, of course. Besides, you were squirming underneath me and writhing and begging for more-“
“Jongin!”
“-sorry, can’t help myself,” Jongin apologized and Kyungsoo had a feeling the former had a very smug grin on his face. “It turned out I was right, it was because you had a boyfriend-“
“Have,” Kyungsoo corrected, but he himself wasn’t sure.
“Whatever.”
“Jongin...”
”You do what you have to do, but I’m not letting you go, Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo pressed his lips into a thin line.
“You’re right, I am selfish. I want you all to myself. We might have met in a strange place, but Kyungsoo...believe me when I say you are the one for me. And with that in mind, I don’t want your boyfriend slash soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend to strip you out of your clothes. I don’t want him to touch you. And even if he does, he will stop because of the bruises on your skin.”
Kyungsoo’s throat went dry.
Those words sounded so wrong.
If Kyungsoo was still thinking about Hyunsik, he probably would’ve snapped at Jongin. But he wasn’t at all... Kyungsoo lowered his head with an inaudible sigh. It was a good thing he looked at himself right before he let Hyunsik in the other day, or else they probably would have the argument of the year. His skin had turned blue especially on the spots that Jongin took forever to nibble on-his collarbone, a few inches above his nipples, his waist, but what was worse was on his inner thighs.
Had Hyunsik seen that...
“You see, I’m letting you in a relationship-for now. You have to keep in mind that it’s only temporary. But I’m not letting anyone else-including your boyfriend-touches you, do you understand that?”
Kyungsoo gulped.
“I’m asking you a question, Kyungsoo. Do you understand that?”
“Y-yes...”
“Good. Very good. Now how was your day?”
Kyungsoo’s heartbeat wouldn’t slow down.
What had he gotten himself into...?
***
“Is everything okay between you and Hyunsik?”
Sometimes, Kyungsoo forgot that Yixing was a keen observer.
Hyunsik still occasionally dropped by at work, and they looked fine. None of his colleagues would’ve suspected anything. To everyone’s eyes, they were all right, but apparently, not to Yixing. And Kyungsoo hated it whenever Yixing’s hunch was right. But he knew sooner or later, the question would slip out of his close friend’s mouth.
So Kyungsoo decided to be honest about it and he nodded in return. “Of course. We’re good. Great, actually.”
“Hm...”
“Is something wrong...?”
“Nothing,” Yixing quickly said with a head shake. “It’s just that Hyunsik’s...been...quiet lately. There’s something off about him... Like...he’s been thinking of something but he doesn’t seem to find any solution, and yet he doesn’t ask for any help. You know how Hyunsik is.”
Maybe I don’t, Kyungsoo thought bitterly. Nonetheless, he voiced out nothing.
“Kyungsoo?”
“Yeah.”
“I know I’m in no position to ask, but...” Yixing started carefully. “...did you guys have a fight...?”
Kyungsoo was completely taken aback by the sudden question. His expression must’ve showed it when he merely gazed at Yixing, and Yixing’s eyes widened in realization. Kyungsoo didn’t answer the question, but the look on Yixing’s face showed that he understood.
There is someone else.
Yixing grimaced. “How long...?”
“It’s-it’s not like what you think-“
“I’m only asking you, how long...?”
Kyungsoo sighed in defeat. He looked away reluctantly. “Not long at all. I’ve only met him...twice.”
“Twice,” Yixing repeated. “And he already made you feel like this.”
“Made me feel like what...?” Kyungsoo turned his head back to Yixing with a helpless expression. “I mean, I don’t... I don’t know. I don’t know, Yixing...”
Yixing looked thoughtful for a moment. “Does Hyunsik know...?”
Kyungsoo shook his head.
“When are you going to tell him?”
A disbelief chuckle escaped Kyungsoo’s lips. “Are you serious? There’s no way I would be able to tell Hyunsik about this.”
“Why not? Tell him you’re unhappy.”
“I can’t do that! It’s too cruel...”
“But you’re being cruel to yourself,” Yixing said sternly. “Look at you, Kyungsoo. You need to stop torturing yourself. And that other person, whoever he is... Has it occurred to you that even if you’ve just met him twice, if he was able to rock your world like this, then he’s probably the one for you?”
No.
“What if it’s just temporary...?” Kyungsoo whispered sadly. “What if this feeling is just temporary...? What if he’s not the one for me...? I’m scared, Yixing...”
“You’ll never understand if you never talk to him. Go talk to him, Kyungsoo.”
Yixing squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand as if to give him strength, but it didn’t make Kyungsoo feel any better.
***
Yixing’s words bothered Kyungsoo so much that the latter’s feelings became a mess.
His work was done, but Kyungsoo didn’t want to go home yet. He had been walking around aimlessly to clear his head off.
Before he knew it, he had reached Jongin’s apartment and Kyungsoo’s jaw subconsciously dropped.
Why am I here...?
Kyungsoo almost spun around to leave, but then he remembered that he actually had been wanting to meet Jongin. He wanted to see that handsome face... And hopefully, by seeing Jongin, Kyungsoo would understand his true feelings.
He didn’t know how long had it been since he had arrived in front of Jongin’s door, but he didn’t have the strength to lift his hand and knock. Minutes passed by quickly. The weather was cold and unfortunately, Kyungsoo sneezed a bit too loud in the still of the night. A moment later, the door swung open and a very nonchalant Jongin peeked his head out.
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo instinctively took a step back. “Hi!”
Jongin was obviously surprised to see Kyungsoo. Asking him what was he doing out there seemed to be the most logical thing to do, but the tan male pulled Kyungsoo into his apartment instead. “It’s cold out there.”
Kyungsoo chuckled nervously as he laced his hands together. “Kind of...”
“You’re shivering,” Jongin frowned as he closed the door behind them. “How long has it been since you arrived?”
Kyungsoo rubbed his cold nose thoughtfully. “I don’t know. Quite a while...I think.”
Jongin sighed disapprovingly. The tan male was only clad in a sweater and a pair of jeans, but even in such simple clothes, Jongin was really handsome. The way he styled his hair was up-to-date and Kyungsoo was pretty sure Jongin’s sweater cost a lot more than his monthly savings.
“This is going to make a misunderstanding but...what brings you here?”
Kyungsoo’s shoulders flinched. “You don’t want me here...?”
Jongin snorted into a smile. “That’s why I said it’s going to make a misunderstanding. Of course I want you here. Besides, I’m just really happy that you’ve come with your own will, without me having to drag you here.”
A small smile graced upon Kyungsoo’s plump lips. He feebly leaned forward to rest his head against Jongin’s chest. “I’m sorry. I just...”
I miss you, Jongin.
Jongin gently placed a hand on Kyungsoo’s nape. Kyungsoo then looked up at Jongin and their eyes connected.
This time, it created something between them. Something that was already there...something that had gotten bigger every time he saw Jongin.
Jongin slowly lowered his face, closing the gaps between their lips, but at the same time giving Kyungsoo the chance to think. That if he didn’t want this, he could back away before it was too late.
Kyungsoo fluttered his eyes close and Jongin pressed their lips together.
It wasn’t his first kiss, but there was something about Jongin that kept him thinking like that. His heartbeat quickened at the sensation. It wasn’t because Jongin was a great kisser. It also wasn’t because of Jongin was experienced...
It was because Kyungsoo felt like he was the one.
Was it wrong to think like that...?
Kyungsoo sighed contentedly into the kiss. He unconsciously brought his hands around Jongin’s neck, bringing him even closer.
No.
Jongin was definitely the one.
But then again, it was too soon for him to think that. All Kyungsoo knew was that he was comfortable with Jongin and that he wanted the latter to keep on showering him with affection. He wanted Jongin to always make him feel special. To make him feel like he was the only one for him, and no other.
Jongin was the first one to pull away and Kyungsoo found himself feeling a bit disappointed. However, Kyungsoo noticed the sincere yet questioning smile on Jongin’s lips.
“What...?” Kyungsoo asked.
“Do you have any idea what you just did?”
Kyungsoo was confused. Did he just do something that Jongin didn’t like...? Kyungsoo opened his mouth to apologize, but Jongin intercepted him by saying,
“You’re kissing me back.”
Kyungsoo blinked. He did. He did.
“And you’re still uncertain about your feelings?”
That got Kyungsoo to gasp. Jongin was giving him a hard look, but his orbs weren’t filled with judgement. It was as if the taller male was waiting for him to admit it out loud. Kyungsoo was so confused and scared that he couldn’t bring himself to answer.
Because Hyunsik...
“I saw you with your boyfriend the other day, remember?”
Kyungsoo dumbly nodded.
“If you guys were even still in a relationship, it screamed the other way around.” Jongin’s eyes softened as he loosened his grip on Kyungsoo’s waist. “I just want to ask a question, Kyungsoo. When you were in the club that night...the first time we met...were you still in a relationship with him?”
“No,” Kyungsoo whispered. It was true, because they were fighting and Kyungsoo had screamed that it was over. Or...at least he thought so.
“Then why are you trying so hard to make it perfect?”
“Why are you so stubborn about me?” Kyungsoo couldn’t help but ask.
“It’s probably the same reason why you come here. Why are you here, Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo froze.
“I know that I said I would never stop to make you mine, which is still my intention,” Jongin said quietly. “But if you ever tell me to give up, I will retreat immediately. And if you still can’t make up your mind and you’re planning to just make me your toy, I can’t take it.”
“I’m not-“
“I’m not finished yet,” Jongin interrupted offhandedly and Kyungsoo closed his mouth back. “At first I thought I would be all right being your second one, but I honestly don’t want to. I want to be your only one, Kyungsoo. So really, it’s your choice. If you’re still uncertain about me, about us, you can walk out of here and I will never ever bother you again. But if you stay...you know the consequences. I will never let you go back into his arms again.”
Jongin suddenly let him go and Kyungsoo almost stumbled back.
Something screamed within him that he wasn’t sure, that he didn’t know, that he needed more time.
No, it’s not fair.
But Jongin looked like he was completely determined about his decision. He simply stared at Kyungsoo, who stared back wordlessly.
“I’m-“
Jongin waited patiently.
“I’m staying.”
Kyungsoo must have lost his sane mind when he pulled Jongin into a searing kiss.
“I’m staying...”
***
Jongin took his time to pleasure Kyungsoo that night.
Kyungsoo couldn’t stop crying Jongin’s name, and Jongin couldn’t stop kissing Kyungsoo.
Their lips were probably bruised, and Kyungsoo probably couldn’t walk on the next morning. It wasn’t their first time, but Jongin just loved how Kyungsoo was getting more and more sensitive every time he touched him. Kyungsoo dug his nails into Jongin’s skin when the latter managed to find his sweet spot inside him.
When Kyungsoo reached his climax, he collapsed weakly on Jongin’s bed. He was still gasping for air when Jongin forced him to face him, and Kyungsoo stared through his half-lidded eyes.
Jongin kissed him lovingly.
“I love you.”
Kyungsoo almost burst out crying upon hearing those words.
“I love you, Kyungsoo...”
Because maybe, just maybe, Kyungsoo loved him too.
***
“What did you fight about the other day?”
“...with Hyunsik...?”
“Ugh, do you have to mention his name?? But yeah. With him. What did he do so that you went to the club that night?”
“It...it was childish.”
“Try me.”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Do you want me to leave more marks on your body?”
“Wait-fine, Jongin, I said fine!! I’ll talk! He-he pulled me away when I was talking to Chanyeol. There, you satisfied? It just irritated me because I haven’t seen him in a long time, and the way he dragged me away was rude. I mean, I’ve never done that to his friends before... Chanyeol’s my high-school friend, by the way.”
“Oh. That’s it? You had a fight...only because of that?”
“Mm.”
“Because if it were me, it would be ten times worse than that. I would’ve just kissed you right in front of Chanyeol, so that he would know that you’re mine-hey, why are you laughing?”
“N-nothing...”
“You’re so gonna get more hickeys tonight, Do Kyungsoo. But seriously, would you snap at me if I do that? If that ever happens, I seriously hope that you won’t go to the club and ditch me for someone else...”
“What are you talking about? Of course I won’t...”
“Promise me?”
“I promise you.”
“Really?”
“Really, if it’s you, Jongin, it’s all right...”
***
It only took a moment for Kyungsoo to feel certain about his relationship with Jongin, but he still didn’t have the courage to tell Hyunsik that they were over.
He chose to avoid all kinds of communication with Hyunsik.
Even though Jongin didn’t seem to approve what he did, the tan male only sighed as he told Kyungsoo to take his time. Inwardly, Kyungsoo felt a bit grateful that Jongin was willing to wait until it was settled between him and Hyunsik.
But Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how long Jongin was going to be able to wait.
One day, Hyunsik made a call to his cellphone once when he was with Jongin. The call made Kyungsoo very unsure that he couldn’t say anything when Jongin deliberately took his phone away from him, turning it off without permission. Judging from the expression of the younger male, it was clear that he was jealous, but Jongin managed to suppress it.
It’s okay, was what Jongin had said. Just face him when you’re ready.
But Kyungsoo still certainly wasn’t ready when Hyunsik dropped by at his work that day.
Hyunsik had been waiting in front of his office that Kyungsoo didn’t even have the time to run away. The doe-eyed male was walking outside together with Yixing and upon seeing Hyunsik, his friend gave Kyungsoo a gentle push as if to tell him to take the chance to talk.
Hyunsik smiled at him and Kyungsoo was supposed to smile back, but all the latter could do was dropping his gaze onto the ground.
Jongin.
“Are you done...?”
Kyungsoo nodded mutely.
“Can I walk you home...?”
No, Kyungsoo wanted to retort, because he wanted to be with Jongin, but he couldn’t bring himself to decline. So he nodded again and started following Hyunsik.
The whole trip home was painfully silent.
Kyungsoo didn’t know how long had it been until Hyunsik was the first one to break the silence. The taller male grabbed Kyungsoo’s wrist all of a sudden that it got the two of them to stop walking.
“Do Kyungsoo...”
Kyungsoo only gave Hyunsik a sideways glance, but he had a bad feeling about Hyunsik’s tone.
“I know this is so sudden and this might be too soon, but...”
Jongin...help.
“Will you marry me?”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened.
***
“Jongin...?”
“Kyungsoo, where are you? I’ve been worried sick-“
“I met Hyunsik today.”
“You met-oh. And then...? What happened? Did he do something to you?”
“He...asked me to marry him.”
“...”
“And I...said yes.”
“...”
“Because...it would be unfair to throw everything away...”
“You mean it would be unfair to him if you throw everything away for me?”
“I...”
“Did you even think about me when you made that decision?”
“Jongin...”
“Nevermind that, Kyungsoo. Just for once, I want you to think for your own sake. Are you happy with him? It’s the question that only you can answer. Just now, by saying yes to his proposal, did you burst out with happiness? Did you feel like you want to cry?”
“...yes...”
“...even so much more than those times when I kissed you...?”
“...y-yes...”
“...I see. That’s all I need to know. Then I wish you all the happiness in the world, Kyungsoo.”
“Jongin...”
“Goodbye.”
***
If Kyungsoo was being honest, he did feel like crying, only it wasn’t for happiness. He wasn’t exactly lying when Jongin asked him that...
Regret was starting to build within Kyungsoo, but the male was reluctant to admit it. Hyunsik looked really happy when he said yes, and there was no way he could turn back now.
Everyday, Kyungsoo forcefully told himself that Hyunsik was probably the one. All the fights they had were because Hyunsik was jealous...and it was natural. After all, they had been dating longer than his relationship with Jongin and if anything, Hyunsik should be the one who knew Kyungsoo best compared to Jongin...
...but why did he feel like a part of him went missing?
Even when he had a fight with Hyunsik, he had never felt this way...
“Kyungsoo?”
Kyungsoo blinked too many times before turning to Hyunsik with a forced smile. “Yes?”
“Are you all right?” Hyunsik looked genuinely concerned as he patted Kyungsoo’s head. “You’ve been spacing out a lot today... If you feel unwell, we can go back for now...we can always go tomorrow.”
Of course I’m not alright.
“I’m fine,” Kyungsoo nodded. He took a deep breath before getting a hold of himself. Hyunsik had taken him to a shop that day after work, apparently they were going to do some clothes fitting. To be honest, Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly fond of the idea. But he had said yes, so... “Which one do you want me to try on...?”
Hyunsik didn’t look convinced at his response but he handed Kyungsoo the suit anyway. “How about this one? Do you like the color?”
“Any color is fine. Where’s the fitting room?”
The taller of the two hesitantly jerked his thumb toward the general direction of the changing room. “Over there.” Just as Kyungsoo turned around to walk to the said place, Hyunsik called out his name. “Kyungsoo.”
“Yes?”
Hyunsik was quiet for a moment. “If you don’t want to get married so soon, we can always get engaged first...”
Kyungsoo simply sent Hyunsik a blank gaze. He clutched the fabric so hard between his fingers that he was afraid the clothes would tear. Kyungsoo didn’t know how to react to that, so he merely shook his head and shuffled forward to the fitting room.
The male exhaled loudly before stripping out of his shirt. Just as he was about to put the suit on, Kyungsoo was stunned at his reflection in the mirror.
The mark Jongin left him on his chest was still there.
Kyungsoo trailed his fingers on his chest and smiled to himself. Now that he thought about it, Jongin kind of had a thing for his chest... Even though they’re flat, Kyungsoo giggled quietly. He continued to gaze at his reflection for a few moments, wondering how Jongin was doing at the moment when his phone vibrated in his pocket.
Part of him wished that it was Handsome Jongin, but it turned out that it was from an unknown number.
Kyungsoo ignored it at first, but as he had another incoming call from the same number, he decided to finally take the call. “Hello?”
“...is this Kyungsoo?”
“Yes...?” Kyungsoo replied in uncertainty. The voice was unfamiliar. “Who is this...?”
“This is Yifan, Jongin’s brother-in-law.”
Kyungsoo’s heart almost came to a stop. “Jongin’s...?”
“He got into an accident...”
***
Kyungsoo didn’t think that he had been this scared in his life before.
One phone call was all he needed to dash out of the fitting room, breathless with tears spilled over his cheeks, stuttering an apologize to Hyunsik and cried that he couldn’t marry him.
Because there was someone else.
It was as if his feet had turned into jellies because Kyungsoo almost didn’t have the strength to walk. He prayed that Jongin would be all right, he prayed that Jongin would be safe and sound because he needed to tell him how he felt. The moment Yifan mentioned the name of the hospital, Kyungsoo didn’t need any more time to think.
He wanted to be with Jongin.
A nurse chided Kyungsoo for running in the hospital, but not like he gave a damn about it at the moment. Kyungsoo wanted to be by Jongin’s side as soon as possible. He didn’t want to lose Jongin, oh God, please, let me be with him...
“Jongin!”
Jongin looked up from the bed and Kyungsoo felt as if his stomach was turning upside down. “Kyungsoo...? Why are you here?”
A sheepish smile was all Kyungsoo earned in return.
“I’m guessing Yifan called you? I’m okay, it’s just a few bruises and OWWW-“
Kyungsoo literally jumped across the room to reach Jongin. The tears just wouldn’t stop flowing as he hugged Jongin tightly.
“-fortunately no broken bones,” Jongin finished with a wince but he welcomed Kyungsoo’s warmth anyway.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo sobbed sadly, his fingers digging into Jongin’s sleeve. “I’m sorry, Jongin...”
“Why are you sorry?” Jongin murmured against Kyungsoo’s forehead. “You did nothing wrong. I was just careless...”
“But still, if anything happens to you...” Kyungsoo glanced up, his eyes were still sparkling with tears. He pressed his lips together worriedly. “I was so scared...”
“I’m okay,” Jongin patted Kyungsoo’s back soothingly. If only time could stop... Having Kyungsoo in his arms felt so right, but he shouldn’t be selfish... Jongin gave himself a moment to hug Kyungsoo back before sighing in resignation. “It’s late. You should go back...”
“I belong here with you. I should be beside you all the time...”
Jongin held his breath in anticipation. There was something about Kyungsoo’s tone that made him hope. Jongin slowly pulled away in half disbelief, half expecting. “Are you serious...?”
Kyungsoo nodded firmly. He caressed Jongin’s cheek with his thumb longingly. “Dead serious.”
“Is this real...?” Jongin whispered as he cupped Kyungsoo’s cheeks. “You’re choosing me...?”
“Yes...” Kyungsoo chuckled. “I’m certain about my feelings now, Jongin...”
“And that is...?”
Kyungsoo softly pressed his lips against Jongin.
“You're the one for me, Kim Jongin...”
End.
“Yo, Do Kyungsoo!!”
Kyungsoo lazily threw a glance over his shoulder and his eyes widened upon seeing who it was. “H-hey, Chanyeol...”
Chanyeol grinned too brightly to Kyungsoo’s liking. “Yes! Long time no see!”
Kyungsoo nervously nodded. The last time Kyungsoo met Chanyeol was a few months ago when he was with Hyunsik, and it wasn’t exactly a happy ending. He immediately swallowed and stole a glance at Jongin from the corner of his eye, a bit afraid that his boyfriend would drag him away from Chanyeol.
“Um, babe, this is my high school friend, Chanyeol...”
As expected, Jongin only narrowed his eyes in silence at Chanyeol.
Kyungsoo mentally prepared himself, just in case Jongin got mad and dragged him away (and scolded him for being so friendly) or even to be kissed, just like Jongin had said the other day. Unexpectedly, Jongin smiled instead and offered his hand to Chanyeol.
“Kim Jongin.”
Chanyeol accepted the proffered hand with a grin. “Park Chanyeol, dude.”
Kyungsoo looked at Jongin in amazement. The three of them chatted some more after that and got separated with Chanyeol exclaiming something of going to meet with his boyfriend. This time, Kyungsoo got to hear the name of his boyfriend-Baekhyun or something.
Confused, Kyungsoo stole a few glances at Jongin, still feeling a bit skeptical that his (official) boyfriend would snap at him.
Nothing came.
Instead, Jongin simply raised his eyebrows at Kyungsoo, as if to ask the latter what was wrong.
“Jongin?”
“Hm?”
“I-I honestly thought you were going to scold me...”
Jongin sighed dramatically as he wrapped an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “It’s actually what I’m dying to do. But I’m gonna learn how to share. Especially if they’re just old friends...”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it. And don’t worry. You know I’m only yours, Jongin...”
“Oh, you’re mine, all right. Don’t think you’re gonna be anyone else’s ever again. Just one question, though.”
“Yes?”
“He’s really an old friend, right? Chanyeol isn’t your ex, right?”
Kyungsoo burst out laughing.
“I love you, Jongin...”
“I love you too, but he’s not, right???”