Confession: Lovers [2/2]
Title: Confession: Lovers [2/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: It happened spontaneously, but their love didn’t.
[1]
That night, Yifan asked for his number and Junmyeon gladly gave it to him.
Yifan raised his eyebrows in the train when he noticed Junmyeon’s choice of bubble tea. The latter playfully stuck a tongue out at him but then he shyly offered if Yifan would want some. The Chinese male took the offer and Junmyeon’s heartbeat raced at the fact that they shared the same straw.
Indirect kiss.
Junmyeon did his best to not think about it.
Even though they had each other’s numbers, but they rarely talked on the phone. They texted, though. Yifan only sent him a text in the morning and at night before he went to sleep. The texts didn’t contain many characters, but it was enough to make Junmyeon smile. Funny how such simple, little things brightened his day. The feeling was new to him and frankly, Junmyeon didn’t understand it yet. All he knew that he liked the attention Yifan gave to him and that was all.
Junmyeon was so happy in his little world that he forgot about Chanyeol. Again. Their eyes met when he walked into the classroom and soon the fear of being asked of the ultimate question raised within him. Chanyeol gave him a knowing look which Junmyeon completely ignored.
When their class was done, Junmyeon shoved his books in a record time and dashed out of the room after reading the text from Yifan. His boyfriend said that he would meet him at the canteen. Junmyeon’s heart almost stopped beating at his earlier thought.
Boyfriend?
Junmyeon stopped halfway because his breath became ragged and he had to lean against the lockers.
He...is, right?
“Junmyeon-ah, are you okay?”
The mention of his name snapped him out of his thoughts as he turned to the source of the voice. Junmyeon smiled slightly at the sight of Luhan and Minseok, but it faltered when he saw Chanyeol.
“We’re going to the mall. Want to come along, Junmyeon-ah?”
“The mall...?” Junmyeon felt very inadequate under Chanyeol’s gaze that he had to look away.
“Yeah. Kyungsoo’s coming, too,” Luhan replied. “Now that I think about it, he hasn’t joined us lately...”
“Yeah,” Minseok frowned and turned to Chanyeol. “You guys aren’t fighting, right?”
Chanyeol didn’t answer.
“If-if Kyungsoo’s coming, that’s...good. You guys can go and enjoy without me,” Junmyeon said casually.
Please just go without me.
“Are you waiting for someone, Junmyeon-ah?” Minseok asked innocently.
Chanyeol’s gaze was so deep that it pierced through Junmyeon. He froze at the question and the male felt his hands went a bit numb. “As...as a matter of fact, I do...”
Luhan’s expression brightened. “You are? Oh my God, is it a date...?”
“It is,” Chanyeol answered for him, but his tone was laced with sarcasm.
“Who’s the lucky guy?”
“Yeah, who’s the lucky guy?”
Junmyeon sent Chanyeol a hurtful look. He knew Luhan and Minseok were sincere, but not Chanyeol.
Why do you hate Yifan so much...?
“Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon’s world crumbled to pieces when he heard Yifan’s stern voice calling out his name. He wished Yifan hadn’t showed up so that he wouldn’t be able to witness Chanyeol’s obvious hatred toward him. It somehow pained him to know that Chanyeol really hated their relationship and even wanted it to end. Luhan and Minseok only gawked at the tallest male between them as he approached the group.
“Yes,” Junmyeon quickly grabbed a hold of himself and stepped closer to Yifan. He ignored the way Chanyeol stared at them. “See you around, guys...”
He was quite certain Luhan said ‘holy shit’.
***
It caused a sudden change of mood to Junmyeon.
Junmyeon must have been obvious about it, because Yifan didn’t say anything. He felt grateful that Yifan wasn’t the type to ask many questions because that was just what he needed at the moment. How did it come to this...? Junmyeon exhaled deeply through his nose because he was supposed to feel happy for meeting Yifan and... He stared at the tall male beside him. Yifan wasn’t the one at fault. Junmyeon shouldn’t take it out on him. He extended his arm to tug on Yifan’s sleeve and the latter looked at him.
“Yes?”
“I’m...I’m sorry...”
“Don’t be. Are they your friends?”
Junmyeon nodded hesitantly. “Yeah...”
Yifan looked thoughtful for a second. “The tallest one between them three...he plays basketball too, right?”
Junmyeon frowned slightly when he realized Yifan was talking about Chanyeol. “You mean Chanyeol? Yeah...yeah, he does.”
“So that’s Chanyeol...,” Yifan nodded to himself. “By the way, your friends seemed shocked when I called out your name. I know you probably don’t want me to poke my nose in, but...is everything alright?”
“What...?”
“I just-I just need to know if everything’s alright. You don’t have to tell me anything else.”
Junmyeon didn’t know if he should cry or fake a smile. He wanted to smile at Yifan and tell him that yeah, everything was alright-but then it would mean that he was lying and the thought of lying to his boyf-Yifan, somehow bugged him. Junmyeon battled with his inner self for a few seconds before finally decided to tell Yifan about it.
“I... I haven’t told them...about us.”
Because I... I don’t know.
“That’s-that’s probably why they were shocked...”
I’m not sure of what I feel for you.
“I’m sorry...”
Did you tell your friends about us, Yifan...?
Yifan snorted into a smile and ruffled Junmyeon’s hair affectionately. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Besides...I understand. I mean, it’s quite hard to tell your friends because, well...we’ve never talked to each other before, right? Your friends must be surprised.”
Silence descended upon them after that. Yifan seemed to be thinking while Junmyeon, unconsciously kept on staring at the former. The train finally came to a stop and they got off because it was already their station. Junmyeon followed closely behind Yifan.
It was getting late and people were flooding on the street.
Junmyeon tried to think of anything else, but he couldn’t. Chanyeol’s hate expression kept on replaying in his mind and it brought a pang to his chest. He was so absorbed with his own thoughts that he failed to see that someone had been walking too close and finally bumped onto him.
Junmyeon yelped in surprise and unwillingly stumbled backward.
“Yi-Yifan!”
Junmyeon closed his eyes and waited for the pain to come-he would fall onto the ground for sure if Yifan didn’t catch him on time. He felt a pair of strong arms snaked around his waist, holding him close to prevent him from falling. Junmyeon gasped weakly.
Why was he being so careless lately?
“Are you alright, Junmyeon?”
Junmyeon buried his head on Yifan’s chest. Suddenly, he felt very weak that everything just felt like a burden to him and Yifan...Yifan somehow was able to erase all of that. He sniffled quietly. “I’m alright...”
Why did he feel so safe when Yifan was around?
They stayed still like that for another moment. Yifan was the first one to pull away and gave him a kind smile, the same smile which made Junmyeon’s heart started to beat irregularly-just like a few weeks ago. Yifan motioned him to start walking again and Junmyeon obeyed.
It was just a few steps when Junmyeon realized Yifan had their fingers intertwined.
He was really helpless, alright.
“Yifan, I’m alright,” Junmyeon tried to hide his embarrassment by biting his lip. “You-you can let go now.”
Yifan didn’t show any intention that he was going to let go any minute. “He was staring at you.”
“Eh?” Junmyeon looked around in confusion. “Who...?”
“I don’t like the way he stares at you,” Yifan ignored Junmyeon’s question. “You’re my boyfriend, right?”
Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat at the statement. He felt Yifan tightening his grip around his hand and he felt like crying.
“Yes...yes, you are, Yifan...”
You are my boyfriend.
***
Their relationship had evolved to something deeper.
Junmyeon was finally at the phase where he no longer feared Yifan.
Each days were filled with the taller male’s warm smile and Junmyeon couldn’t help but feeling a bit for him. They were starting to talk, and it was real conversation. Junmyeon wanted to know Yifan better. He wanted to know Yifan’s birthday, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes. To anyone else, they were probably just little things, but to Junmyeon, everything about Yifan was precious.
He was used to a bit (or even a lot) of Yifan everyday that when the latter didn’t send him a good morning text, Junmyeon felt something was missing. Junmyeon felt a bit sad because usually the taller male would send him a text-even a simple one such as ‘have a nice day’. He waited and waited but Yifan still didn’t text him anything even until lunch. Junmyeon tried to shrug it off because maybe he was busy. Yifan was in his last year, afterall, there was definitely going to be a lot of essays. Junmyeon felt his day a bit empty without a touch of Yifan and without thinking agreeing to Yixing and Luhan’s invitation to shop.
Fortunately, unlike Chanyeol, Luhan asked nothing about his relationship with Yifan. Junmyeon felt really grateful to have a friend like Luhan and felt a bit guilty for not telling him. One day, when he was brave enough, he would.
Even when the day gave its way to the night, Yifan still hadn’t texted him.
His little trip to the mall was able to distract him from Yifan, but when they separated, it reminded him back and the feeling became much worse. Junmyeon glanced at his phone sadly and wondered if it was alright for him to call first.
What if he’s in the middle of something and he can’t pick up?
The beautiful male was still pondering if he should call or he should not when he arrived at his apartment. Junmyeon absently fumbled for his keys and he was about to reach his door-
-when he realized Yifan was leaning on his apartment door.
“Yi-Yifan?”
Yifan turned to stare at him upon being called. His face looked tired and he seemed a bit pale. Nonetheless, he gave his boyfriend a kind smile. “You’re back.”
Junmyeon felt his heart aching. “What-what are you doing here?”
“I, uh... I wanted to text you but... I saw you going with your friends so...”
Junmyeon gaped in disbelief. “You...you saw me...?”
“Yeah...”
“Why-why didn’t you call me?”
“Well, it’s been a while since you hang out with them...right?”
Junmyeon slowly placed a hand on his mouth. Yifan was right, it had been a while since he hang out with his friends...especially with Yixing, too...but...
How did you notice it?
“I just didn’t want to bother you. That’s why I waited.”
Yifan shivered slightly and Junmyeon went a bit panicked. The male must have waited for a few hours for him. “You’re shivering, let’s get you inside-“
“Actually, I just came for...this.”
Yifan took something out of his pocket and placed it on Junmyeon’s palm. It was a mini cupcake and there was a candle on it.
Junmyeon blinked. “A...cupcake?”
Yifan poked his nose caringly. “We’re a month today.”
Junnmyeon’s eyes widened as he looked up.
“It’s alright, I don’t expect you to remember...” Yifan gave him a comforting smile and lit the candle with a lighter. “Happy one month, Junmyeon.”
“We’re...that long already?” Junmyeon whispered. Tears were starting to form in the rim of his eyes as he gazed down at the cupcake. The single candle got him to think. “One candle...one is because we’re still a month, right? So will it be two candles next month? Or twelve for next year?”
“No, it’s one because we are one...” Yifan didn’t finish his sentence as he gave Junmyeon an unreadable look. “Did you say...twelve?”
“Eh? I did.”
“You’re...willing to be in a relationship with me until...that long?”
Junmyeon’s mouth slightly parted at that. It never occurred to him before...all he knew that he was comfortable with Yifan, and it felt so right to be beside him.
“Do you...do you not want that?”
“I want nothing else but that,” Yifan said softly and he seemed greatly relieved. “I hope...it’s alright with you...”
“It’s definitely alright,” Junmyeon whispered as he leaned forward to rest his head on Yifan’s shoulder. “I’d love that, Yifan...”
When Yifan pressed his lips against Junmyeon’s forehead, it was then that he realized.
His feeling for Yifan was real.
***
Junmyeon had been spending a lot of times with Yifan that he became reluctant to spend some times with his friends.
Even though it was ‘friends’, but it was actually just Chanyeol. Junmyeon couldn’t stand his vindictive gaze thrown at him whenever he passed by. Minseok and Luhan still came to him and started a proper conversation a few times, but not Chanyeol. Sometimes Junmyeon caught Chanyeol looked away from him on purpose whenever he was with Yifan and it hurt a lot. It was like their friendship ended over a simple matter called Yifan.
Yifan had a basketball practice that afternoon and Junmyeon waited for him until he was done. He sat on the bench with his legs crossed at his ankle and a book was on his lap. Junmyeon directed his gaze to the court absently and realized that Chanyeol was nowhere to be found. He sighed softly. Did Chanyeol hate Yifan so much that he was willing to skip his practice?
“Hey, Junmyeon-ah.”
Junmyeon turned his head and his smile was formed upon seeing Minseok. “Hey.”
Minseok smiled back and took the liberty to sit beside him. He had his eyes fixed on Yifan and the others in the court. “You’re waiting for Yifan...?”
Junmyeon hummed in reply.
“I see. Well... It’s been a while since we hang out, though...maybe some time this week?”
“That would be great,” Junmyeon sincerely smiled. “Yeah, it’s been a while...”
Minseok nodded and looked down on his lacing fingers. Junmyeon could tell that something was definitely on his mind. “Are you still not talking to Chanyeol?”
Junmyeon had a feeling it would come up. “He’s the one who avoids me...”
“Hm. Yeah...that kid,” Minseok rolled his eyes. “I mean, he has the look to appear mature, but his personality...he’s still a kid. I talked about it with Luhan and he agreed that Chanyeol seems to be taking this whole thing seriously. About you dating Yifan, I mean. I don’t know why but it seems like Chanyeol really hates him...”
I know.
Junmyeon closed the book on his lap and put it aside. Before he got to say anything, Minseok started again.
“Chanyeol broke up with Kyungsoo, you know.”
Junmyeon was shocked at that. “Eh? W-why?”
“We don’t really know,” Minseok admitted. “But we do know that they would break up eventually...you know how their relationship seems...off. They look perfect from the outside but it’s a real mess for both of them.”
The sound of a whistle from the court indicated that the practice was over. Both of them shifted their eyes back to the court and saw a few people had left with their things.
“How’s Yifan been treating you, Junmyeon-ah?”
Minseok’s tone was really comforting that Junmyeon just wanted to break down and cry. He took a deep breath. “Good. Really good...”
“I’m glad then,” Minseok murmured. “That’s all I need to know. Well, I have to go now, Yixing’s waiting for me... See you around?”
“Un, see you around...”
Minseok patted Junmyeon’s shoulder caringly and stood up. The older of the two had just walked a few steps when he turned around. “Junmyeon-ah.”
Junmyeon looked up. “Yes...?”
“It doesn’t matter what anyone else think. If you think Yifan’s good enough then he is.”
With that, Minseok waved him goodbye and left for real.
***
Junmyeon had been quiet throughout dinner.
Yifan waited for him to say something, anything, but nothing came. The taller male didn’t seem to mind because they weren’t exactly the loudest couple, but as it extended to their journey home, Yifan decided to speak.
“Junmyeon?”
“Hm...?”
“Is there anything you want to tell me?”
Junmyeon glanced up in surprise. “Wh...what?”
“It’s just that...you seem to have something on your mind everytime we’re together,” Yifan explained. The taller of the two squeezed his hand lightly as if to say it was alright if he had something to say. “If there’s anything you want to tell me, you can, you know.”
Junmyeon went pale at that. How did Yifan read him so easily? Or was it him who unconsciously showed the uncanny feeling?
Yifan stopped walking and Junmyeon did the same.
Their eyes met, and Junmyeon felt like crying because Yifan’s eyes radiated warmth and comfort. Why didn’t his friends want to give him a chance? Was it because of his scary image? Why did Chanyeol hate Yifan so much without even trying to know him first?
Yifan.
“Junmyeon?”
Do your friends want us to break up too...?
It saddened Junmyeon badly that he could only manage a slight headshake as an answer. “It’s-it’s nothing. Really...”
But Yifan didn’t buy that it was nothing. He waited patiently for another explanation from Junmyeon, but it seemed like the latter wouldn’t say anything more. So Yifan gently tilted his chin with his fingers and pressed their lips together.
It erased all of the uneasiness Junmyeon felt inside like a magic. He felt calm, he felt safe, but most of all...he felt loved.
“Don’t hide anything from me,” Yifan muttered quietly against his lips. “I’m your boyfriend, I want to be your everything... I want to be the only person you share anything with.”
I don’t want to ever break up with you.
That’s all I ever want, Yifan.
I don’t want to...
Junmyeon whimpered weakly before letting Yifan claimed his lips again. He positioned a hand against Yifan’s chest, wanting to feel the latter’s heartbeat.
At that moment, Junmyeon knew that he had fallen deep enough for Yifan.
And that he wouldn’t want to be separated from him.
***
A few days had passed and Junmyeon was still keeping things to himself.
Yifan resented the fact, but he was willing to wait until Junmyeon was ready. He also noticed that Junmyeon hadn’t spent a lot of times with his friends lately. Yifan wondered briefly if he should just ask because he didn’t want Junmyeon to feel like he got no one to share with.
The Chinese male had just closed his locker with a hand when he heard the sudden words.
“I hate you so much, you know that?”
Yifan frowned a bit and slowly turned around. He blinked rapidly for a moment before realizing that it was really addressed to him. Chanyeol was standing before him with a judging look and Yifan deeply exhaled as he adjusted the strap on his shoulder.
“What did I do?”
Chanyeol snorted. “Don’t play dumb. It’s Junmyeon.”
Yifan raised his eyebrows in return. “Junmyeon...?”
“I don’t like to see you with him,” Chanyeol retorted indignantly.
Yifan almost roll his eyes at the remark. He wanted to argue back but then he decided to just ignore it because Chanyeol seemed to be in rage. It would just be useless and Yifan didn’t want to fight at the moment. He started to walk past the other male. “That’s not really my problem.”
It just angered Chanyeol more to see Yifan’s reaction. “You think he likes you?”
If Yifan was about to ignore anything Chanyeol said, that definitely picked his curiosity. He halted his movement and his blank expression caused Chanyeol to feel a bit smug.
“He only accepted your confession because he was scared of you,” Chanyeol continued. “He planned to break up with you the next day, but then he reasoned it was inappropriate, it was too soon. That if he wants to tell you that it’s not working, it should be after a couple of weeks.”
Yifan deadpanned at that thought. If Chanyeol was going to make him feel bad, he was successful. Yifan felt his resolve began to waver. Suddenly, all of the puzzles fit. The way Junmyeon held back about something... The way Junmyeon was reluctant to say what was on his mind... Yifan lowered his gaze.
But...
There was always a possibility that Chanyeol wasn’t telling the truth. Maybe he was just jealous of their relationship. Maybe he was just angry for taking Junmyeon away from him. Maybe... Yifan took a deep breath and still tried to think positive about it.
“Then I will accept it whole heartedly when he ends our relationship.”
With that, Yifan continued his steps to walk away from Chanyeol.
“Stop making him cry, Yifan.”
Yifan halted his movement for the second time and his eyes widened in confusion. He sent Chanyeol a perplexed stare, but the latter wasn’t looking at him. Did he make Junmyeon cry? Yifan wasn’t sure if Chanyeol was talking about Junmyeon or was he talking about someone else. Nonetheless, he decided to not comment anything and continued his steps.
He needed to see Junmyeon.
***
They had never fought, but Junmyeon had a feeling they were in one.
Because Yifan had turned his phone off since a few hours ago.
Junmyeon bit his nail worriedly as his umpteenth call went straight to the voicemail and sighed in defeat as he tossed the phone away. He tried to be positive that maybe Yifan was busy, or he was practicing basketball, or his battery was low.
Or he just doesn’t want to talk.
Junmyeon felt his stomach grumbling and his last stock of instant noodle was eaten last night. He decided to eat something that wasn’t instant
for the night and absentmindedly grabbed his jacket. Junmyeon was about to turn off the light and walked outside when he realized Yifan had been standing in front of his apartment door.
What was it with Yifan and his habit of not telling Junmyeon that he was there?
“Yi-Yifan?”
Junmyeon immediately leaned closer to Yifan and became slightly panicked. He cupped his boyfriend’s chin and realized he had been shivering. “Oh my God, Yifan, how long have you been here?”
“Not that long,” Yifan replied calmly.
“I’ll make you some warm tea, let’s get inside,” Junmyeon said and tried to drag Yifan into the apartment, but the latter wouldn’t budge. He deadpanned at the thought. “Yifan...?”
“Is it...is it not working?”
Junmyeon visibly tensed when he heard the question. “Wh...what?”
“Don’t lie to me, is it not working, Junmyeon-ah?”
Yifan looked hurt when he spoke and it created a huge pang in Junmyeon’s heart. Junmyeon palmed his mouth momentarily before placing it on the taller male’s arm. “It’s working...”
Yifan’s eyes softened at that but he still seemed unsure. “Really...?”
Junmyeon shyly nodded. “It’s working...”
“Did I...did I make you cry...?”
Junmyeon tilted his head to a side in confusion. “No...no, you didn’t.”
Yifan sighed in relief as he pulled Junmyeon closer into his arms and pressed his lips against the latter’s shoulder. “Are you still scared of me?”
Junmyeon chuckled lightly against his chest. “No. ...not really. It’s the face, right?”
Yifan also chuckled in return and Junmyeon felt his shoulder vibrated from it. “Yeah...it’s the face.”
They stayed still like that for a while. Even though the weather was a bit cold, but both of them felt warm. Most of all, Junmyeon felt safe and protected. He came to realize how much he loved Yifan’s strong arms around him. He realized how much he loved being held in the taller male’s embrace.
Yifan was the first one to break their hug and Junmyeon looked up questioningly. The former had such a scary look...no, it was determination that was plastered on his face.
“You said...you’re willing to be in a relationship with me until the candles turn twelve, right?”
He got a confused nod as a reply.
“Does it mean...only until a year? Then after a year...are you gonna dump me?”
“No,” Junmyeon whispered as he helplessly leaned his head on Yifan’s chest. He searched for Yifan’s long digits and intertwined them together. “No... I just want to be with you until there isn’t enough candle anymore. I want to be with you until we run out of space for the candles on the cupcake. I... I want to be with you until the cupcake evolves into a big cake so that we would be able to place lots and lots of candles so-“
Yifan didn’t let him finish his sentence and shut him up with a kiss. “Then it’s a promise...”
Junmyeon whimpered weakly. “It is.”
“It’s a promise because I will never let you go, Junmyeon. And that if you leave, I will chase you until the end of the world to make you remember that you’re mine.”
“Do that, Yifan...” Junmyeon cried happily. “Do that, please...”
End.
A few minutes had passed and Junmyeon suddenly remembered his first intention of going out. He slowly detached his lips off of Yifan’s and sighed.
“Yifan, are you hungry?”
Yifan seemed to remember something before taking something out of his coat’s pocket. The male unwrapped the package and Junmyeon was awed to see it was another cupcake with a candle on it.
“One candle,” Junmyeon whispered. “Because we are one, right?”
“...no.”
Yifan leaned down to kiss Junmyeon sweetly once again.
“It’s one, because you’re the only one for me.”
OH MY GOODNESS I'M SO SORRY I HATE THIS FIC IT'S ROTTEN CHEESE AND NAUSEATING I AM A FAILURE I'M QUITE SURE YOU WANTED TO THROW UP AT THE CHEESINESS /prepares for paperbags T______T
[BaekYeol: Small Steps]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: It happened spontaneously, but their love didn’t.
[1]
That night, Yifan asked for his number and Junmyeon gladly gave it to him.
Yifan raised his eyebrows in the train when he noticed Junmyeon’s choice of bubble tea. The latter playfully stuck a tongue out at him but then he shyly offered if Yifan would want some. The Chinese male took the offer and Junmyeon’s heartbeat raced at the fact that they shared the same straw.
Indirect kiss.
Junmyeon did his best to not think about it.
Even though they had each other’s numbers, but they rarely talked on the phone. They texted, though. Yifan only sent him a text in the morning and at night before he went to sleep. The texts didn’t contain many characters, but it was enough to make Junmyeon smile. Funny how such simple, little things brightened his day. The feeling was new to him and frankly, Junmyeon didn’t understand it yet. All he knew that he liked the attention Yifan gave to him and that was all.
Junmyeon was so happy in his little world that he forgot about Chanyeol. Again. Their eyes met when he walked into the classroom and soon the fear of being asked of the ultimate question raised within him. Chanyeol gave him a knowing look which Junmyeon completely ignored.
When their class was done, Junmyeon shoved his books in a record time and dashed out of the room after reading the text from Yifan. His boyfriend said that he would meet him at the canteen. Junmyeon’s heart almost stopped beating at his earlier thought.
Boyfriend?
Junmyeon stopped halfway because his breath became ragged and he had to lean against the lockers.
He...is, right?
“Junmyeon-ah, are you okay?”
The mention of his name snapped him out of his thoughts as he turned to the source of the voice. Junmyeon smiled slightly at the sight of Luhan and Minseok, but it faltered when he saw Chanyeol.
“We’re going to the mall. Want to come along, Junmyeon-ah?”
“The mall...?” Junmyeon felt very inadequate under Chanyeol’s gaze that he had to look away.
“Yeah. Kyungsoo’s coming, too,” Luhan replied. “Now that I think about it, he hasn’t joined us lately...”
“Yeah,” Minseok frowned and turned to Chanyeol. “You guys aren’t fighting, right?”
Chanyeol didn’t answer.
“If-if Kyungsoo’s coming, that’s...good. You guys can go and enjoy without me,” Junmyeon said casually.
Please just go without me.
“Are you waiting for someone, Junmyeon-ah?” Minseok asked innocently.
Chanyeol’s gaze was so deep that it pierced through Junmyeon. He froze at the question and the male felt his hands went a bit numb. “As...as a matter of fact, I do...”
Luhan’s expression brightened. “You are? Oh my God, is it a date...?”
“It is,” Chanyeol answered for him, but his tone was laced with sarcasm.
“Who’s the lucky guy?”
“Yeah, who’s the lucky guy?”
Junmyeon sent Chanyeol a hurtful look. He knew Luhan and Minseok were sincere, but not Chanyeol.
Why do you hate Yifan so much...?
“Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon’s world crumbled to pieces when he heard Yifan’s stern voice calling out his name. He wished Yifan hadn’t showed up so that he wouldn’t be able to witness Chanyeol’s obvious hatred toward him. It somehow pained him to know that Chanyeol really hated their relationship and even wanted it to end. Luhan and Minseok only gawked at the tallest male between them as he approached the group.
“Yes,” Junmyeon quickly grabbed a hold of himself and stepped closer to Yifan. He ignored the way Chanyeol stared at them. “See you around, guys...”
He was quite certain Luhan said ‘holy shit’.
***
It caused a sudden change of mood to Junmyeon.
Junmyeon must have been obvious about it, because Yifan didn’t say anything. He felt grateful that Yifan wasn’t the type to ask many questions because that was just what he needed at the moment. How did it come to this...? Junmyeon exhaled deeply through his nose because he was supposed to feel happy for meeting Yifan and... He stared at the tall male beside him. Yifan wasn’t the one at fault. Junmyeon shouldn’t take it out on him. He extended his arm to tug on Yifan’s sleeve and the latter looked at him.
“Yes?”
“I’m...I’m sorry...”
“Don’t be. Are they your friends?”
Junmyeon nodded hesitantly. “Yeah...”
Yifan looked thoughtful for a second. “The tallest one between them three...he plays basketball too, right?”
Junmyeon frowned slightly when he realized Yifan was talking about Chanyeol. “You mean Chanyeol? Yeah...yeah, he does.”
“So that’s Chanyeol...,” Yifan nodded to himself. “By the way, your friends seemed shocked when I called out your name. I know you probably don’t want me to poke my nose in, but...is everything alright?”
“What...?”
“I just-I just need to know if everything’s alright. You don’t have to tell me anything else.”
Junmyeon didn’t know if he should cry or fake a smile. He wanted to smile at Yifan and tell him that yeah, everything was alright-but then it would mean that he was lying and the thought of lying to his boyf-Yifan, somehow bugged him. Junmyeon battled with his inner self for a few seconds before finally decided to tell Yifan about it.
“I... I haven’t told them...about us.”
Because I... I don’t know.
“That’s-that’s probably why they were shocked...”
I’m not sure of what I feel for you.
“I’m sorry...”
Did you tell your friends about us, Yifan...?
Yifan snorted into a smile and ruffled Junmyeon’s hair affectionately. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Besides...I understand. I mean, it’s quite hard to tell your friends because, well...we’ve never talked to each other before, right? Your friends must be surprised.”
Silence descended upon them after that. Yifan seemed to be thinking while Junmyeon, unconsciously kept on staring at the former. The train finally came to a stop and they got off because it was already their station. Junmyeon followed closely behind Yifan.
It was getting late and people were flooding on the street.
Junmyeon tried to think of anything else, but he couldn’t. Chanyeol’s hate expression kept on replaying in his mind and it brought a pang to his chest. He was so absorbed with his own thoughts that he failed to see that someone had been walking too close and finally bumped onto him.
Junmyeon yelped in surprise and unwillingly stumbled backward.
“Yi-Yifan!”
Junmyeon closed his eyes and waited for the pain to come-he would fall onto the ground for sure if Yifan didn’t catch him on time. He felt a pair of strong arms snaked around his waist, holding him close to prevent him from falling. Junmyeon gasped weakly.
Why was he being so careless lately?
“Are you alright, Junmyeon?”
Junmyeon buried his head on Yifan’s chest. Suddenly, he felt very weak that everything just felt like a burden to him and Yifan...Yifan somehow was able to erase all of that. He sniffled quietly. “I’m alright...”
Why did he feel so safe when Yifan was around?
They stayed still like that for another moment. Yifan was the first one to pull away and gave him a kind smile, the same smile which made Junmyeon’s heart started to beat irregularly-just like a few weeks ago. Yifan motioned him to start walking again and Junmyeon obeyed.
It was just a few steps when Junmyeon realized Yifan had their fingers intertwined.
He was really helpless, alright.
“Yifan, I’m alright,” Junmyeon tried to hide his embarrassment by biting his lip. “You-you can let go now.”
Yifan didn’t show any intention that he was going to let go any minute. “He was staring at you.”
“Eh?” Junmyeon looked around in confusion. “Who...?”
“I don’t like the way he stares at you,” Yifan ignored Junmyeon’s question. “You’re my boyfriend, right?”
Junmyeon’s heart skipped a beat at the statement. He felt Yifan tightening his grip around his hand and he felt like crying.
“Yes...yes, you are, Yifan...”
You are my boyfriend.
***
Their relationship had evolved to something deeper.
Junmyeon was finally at the phase where he no longer feared Yifan.
Each days were filled with the taller male’s warm smile and Junmyeon couldn’t help but feeling a bit for him. They were starting to talk, and it was real conversation. Junmyeon wanted to know Yifan better. He wanted to know Yifan’s birthday, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes. To anyone else, they were probably just little things, but to Junmyeon, everything about Yifan was precious.
He was used to a bit (or even a lot) of Yifan everyday that when the latter didn’t send him a good morning text, Junmyeon felt something was missing. Junmyeon felt a bit sad because usually the taller male would send him a text-even a simple one such as ‘have a nice day’. He waited and waited but Yifan still didn’t text him anything even until lunch. Junmyeon tried to shrug it off because maybe he was busy. Yifan was in his last year, afterall, there was definitely going to be a lot of essays. Junmyeon felt his day a bit empty without a touch of Yifan and without thinking agreeing to Yixing and Luhan’s invitation to shop.
Fortunately, unlike Chanyeol, Luhan asked nothing about his relationship with Yifan. Junmyeon felt really grateful to have a friend like Luhan and felt a bit guilty for not telling him. One day, when he was brave enough, he would.
Even when the day gave its way to the night, Yifan still hadn’t texted him.
His little trip to the mall was able to distract him from Yifan, but when they separated, it reminded him back and the feeling became much worse. Junmyeon glanced at his phone sadly and wondered if it was alright for him to call first.
What if he’s in the middle of something and he can’t pick up?
The beautiful male was still pondering if he should call or he should not when he arrived at his apartment. Junmyeon absently fumbled for his keys and he was about to reach his door-
-when he realized Yifan was leaning on his apartment door.
“Yi-Yifan?”
Yifan turned to stare at him upon being called. His face looked tired and he seemed a bit pale. Nonetheless, he gave his boyfriend a kind smile. “You’re back.”
Junmyeon felt his heart aching. “What-what are you doing here?”
“I, uh... I wanted to text you but... I saw you going with your friends so...”
Junmyeon gaped in disbelief. “You...you saw me...?”
“Yeah...”
“Why-why didn’t you call me?”
“Well, it’s been a while since you hang out with them...right?”
Junmyeon slowly placed a hand on his mouth. Yifan was right, it had been a while since he hang out with his friends...especially with Yixing, too...but...
How did you notice it?
“I just didn’t want to bother you. That’s why I waited.”
Yifan shivered slightly and Junmyeon went a bit panicked. The male must have waited for a few hours for him. “You’re shivering, let’s get you inside-“
“Actually, I just came for...this.”
Yifan took something out of his pocket and placed it on Junmyeon’s palm. It was a mini cupcake and there was a candle on it.
Junmyeon blinked. “A...cupcake?”
Yifan poked his nose caringly. “We’re a month today.”
Junnmyeon’s eyes widened as he looked up.
“It’s alright, I don’t expect you to remember...” Yifan gave him a comforting smile and lit the candle with a lighter. “Happy one month, Junmyeon.”
“We’re...that long already?” Junmyeon whispered. Tears were starting to form in the rim of his eyes as he gazed down at the cupcake. The single candle got him to think. “One candle...one is because we’re still a month, right? So will it be two candles next month? Or twelve for next year?”
“No, it’s one because we are one...” Yifan didn’t finish his sentence as he gave Junmyeon an unreadable look. “Did you say...twelve?”
“Eh? I did.”
“You’re...willing to be in a relationship with me until...that long?”
Junmyeon’s mouth slightly parted at that. It never occurred to him before...all he knew that he was comfortable with Yifan, and it felt so right to be beside him.
“Do you...do you not want that?”
“I want nothing else but that,” Yifan said softly and he seemed greatly relieved. “I hope...it’s alright with you...”
“It’s definitely alright,” Junmyeon whispered as he leaned forward to rest his head on Yifan’s shoulder. “I’d love that, Yifan...”
When Yifan pressed his lips against Junmyeon’s forehead, it was then that he realized.
His feeling for Yifan was real.
***
Junmyeon had been spending a lot of times with Yifan that he became reluctant to spend some times with his friends.
Even though it was ‘friends’, but it was actually just Chanyeol. Junmyeon couldn’t stand his vindictive gaze thrown at him whenever he passed by. Minseok and Luhan still came to him and started a proper conversation a few times, but not Chanyeol. Sometimes Junmyeon caught Chanyeol looked away from him on purpose whenever he was with Yifan and it hurt a lot. It was like their friendship ended over a simple matter called Yifan.
Yifan had a basketball practice that afternoon and Junmyeon waited for him until he was done. He sat on the bench with his legs crossed at his ankle and a book was on his lap. Junmyeon directed his gaze to the court absently and realized that Chanyeol was nowhere to be found. He sighed softly. Did Chanyeol hate Yifan so much that he was willing to skip his practice?
“Hey, Junmyeon-ah.”
Junmyeon turned his head and his smile was formed upon seeing Minseok. “Hey.”
Minseok smiled back and took the liberty to sit beside him. He had his eyes fixed on Yifan and the others in the court. “You’re waiting for Yifan...?”
Junmyeon hummed in reply.
“I see. Well... It’s been a while since we hang out, though...maybe some time this week?”
“That would be great,” Junmyeon sincerely smiled. “Yeah, it’s been a while...”
Minseok nodded and looked down on his lacing fingers. Junmyeon could tell that something was definitely on his mind. “Are you still not talking to Chanyeol?”
Junmyeon had a feeling it would come up. “He’s the one who avoids me...”
“Hm. Yeah...that kid,” Minseok rolled his eyes. “I mean, he has the look to appear mature, but his personality...he’s still a kid. I talked about it with Luhan and he agreed that Chanyeol seems to be taking this whole thing seriously. About you dating Yifan, I mean. I don’t know why but it seems like Chanyeol really hates him...”
I know.
Junmyeon closed the book on his lap and put it aside. Before he got to say anything, Minseok started again.
“Chanyeol broke up with Kyungsoo, you know.”
Junmyeon was shocked at that. “Eh? W-why?”
“We don’t really know,” Minseok admitted. “But we do know that they would break up eventually...you know how their relationship seems...off. They look perfect from the outside but it’s a real mess for both of them.”
The sound of a whistle from the court indicated that the practice was over. Both of them shifted their eyes back to the court and saw a few people had left with their things.
“How’s Yifan been treating you, Junmyeon-ah?”
Minseok’s tone was really comforting that Junmyeon just wanted to break down and cry. He took a deep breath. “Good. Really good...”
“I’m glad then,” Minseok murmured. “That’s all I need to know. Well, I have to go now, Yixing’s waiting for me... See you around?”
“Un, see you around...”
Minseok patted Junmyeon’s shoulder caringly and stood up. The older of the two had just walked a few steps when he turned around. “Junmyeon-ah.”
Junmyeon looked up. “Yes...?”
“It doesn’t matter what anyone else think. If you think Yifan’s good enough then he is.”
With that, Minseok waved him goodbye and left for real.
***
Junmyeon had been quiet throughout dinner.
Yifan waited for him to say something, anything, but nothing came. The taller male didn’t seem to mind because they weren’t exactly the loudest couple, but as it extended to their journey home, Yifan decided to speak.
“Junmyeon?”
“Hm...?”
“Is there anything you want to tell me?”
Junmyeon glanced up in surprise. “Wh...what?”
“It’s just that...you seem to have something on your mind everytime we’re together,” Yifan explained. The taller of the two squeezed his hand lightly as if to say it was alright if he had something to say. “If there’s anything you want to tell me, you can, you know.”
Junmyeon went pale at that. How did Yifan read him so easily? Or was it him who unconsciously showed the uncanny feeling?
Yifan stopped walking and Junmyeon did the same.
Their eyes met, and Junmyeon felt like crying because Yifan’s eyes radiated warmth and comfort. Why didn’t his friends want to give him a chance? Was it because of his scary image? Why did Chanyeol hate Yifan so much without even trying to know him first?
Yifan.
“Junmyeon?”
Do your friends want us to break up too...?
It saddened Junmyeon badly that he could only manage a slight headshake as an answer. “It’s-it’s nothing. Really...”
But Yifan didn’t buy that it was nothing. He waited patiently for another explanation from Junmyeon, but it seemed like the latter wouldn’t say anything more. So Yifan gently tilted his chin with his fingers and pressed their lips together.
It erased all of the uneasiness Junmyeon felt inside like a magic. He felt calm, he felt safe, but most of all...he felt loved.
“Don’t hide anything from me,” Yifan muttered quietly against his lips. “I’m your boyfriend, I want to be your everything... I want to be the only person you share anything with.”
I don’t want to ever break up with you.
That’s all I ever want, Yifan.
I don’t want to...
Junmyeon whimpered weakly before letting Yifan claimed his lips again. He positioned a hand against Yifan’s chest, wanting to feel the latter’s heartbeat.
At that moment, Junmyeon knew that he had fallen deep enough for Yifan.
And that he wouldn’t want to be separated from him.
***
A few days had passed and Junmyeon was still keeping things to himself.
Yifan resented the fact, but he was willing to wait until Junmyeon was ready. He also noticed that Junmyeon hadn’t spent a lot of times with his friends lately. Yifan wondered briefly if he should just ask because he didn’t want Junmyeon to feel like he got no one to share with.
The Chinese male had just closed his locker with a hand when he heard the sudden words.
“I hate you so much, you know that?”
Yifan frowned a bit and slowly turned around. He blinked rapidly for a moment before realizing that it was really addressed to him. Chanyeol was standing before him with a judging look and Yifan deeply exhaled as he adjusted the strap on his shoulder.
“What did I do?”
Chanyeol snorted. “Don’t play dumb. It’s Junmyeon.”
Yifan raised his eyebrows in return. “Junmyeon...?”
“I don’t like to see you with him,” Chanyeol retorted indignantly.
Yifan almost roll his eyes at the remark. He wanted to argue back but then he decided to just ignore it because Chanyeol seemed to be in rage. It would just be useless and Yifan didn’t want to fight at the moment. He started to walk past the other male. “That’s not really my problem.”
It just angered Chanyeol more to see Yifan’s reaction. “You think he likes you?”
If Yifan was about to ignore anything Chanyeol said, that definitely picked his curiosity. He halted his movement and his blank expression caused Chanyeol to feel a bit smug.
“He only accepted your confession because he was scared of you,” Chanyeol continued. “He planned to break up with you the next day, but then he reasoned it was inappropriate, it was too soon. That if he wants to tell you that it’s not working, it should be after a couple of weeks.”
Yifan deadpanned at that thought. If Chanyeol was going to make him feel bad, he was successful. Yifan felt his resolve began to waver. Suddenly, all of the puzzles fit. The way Junmyeon held back about something... The way Junmyeon was reluctant to say what was on his mind... Yifan lowered his gaze.
But...
There was always a possibility that Chanyeol wasn’t telling the truth. Maybe he was just jealous of their relationship. Maybe he was just angry for taking Junmyeon away from him. Maybe... Yifan took a deep breath and still tried to think positive about it.
“Then I will accept it whole heartedly when he ends our relationship.”
With that, Yifan continued his steps to walk away from Chanyeol.
“Stop making him cry, Yifan.”
Yifan halted his movement for the second time and his eyes widened in confusion. He sent Chanyeol a perplexed stare, but the latter wasn’t looking at him. Did he make Junmyeon cry? Yifan wasn’t sure if Chanyeol was talking about Junmyeon or was he talking about someone else. Nonetheless, he decided to not comment anything and continued his steps.
He needed to see Junmyeon.
***
They had never fought, but Junmyeon had a feeling they were in one.
Because Yifan had turned his phone off since a few hours ago.
Junmyeon bit his nail worriedly as his umpteenth call went straight to the voicemail and sighed in defeat as he tossed the phone away. He tried to be positive that maybe Yifan was busy, or he was practicing basketball, or his battery was low.
Or he just doesn’t want to talk.
Junmyeon felt his stomach grumbling and his last stock of instant noodle was eaten last night. He decided to eat something that wasn’t instant
for the night and absentmindedly grabbed his jacket. Junmyeon was about to turn off the light and walked outside when he realized Yifan had been standing in front of his apartment door.
What was it with Yifan and his habit of not telling Junmyeon that he was there?
“Yi-Yifan?”
Junmyeon immediately leaned closer to Yifan and became slightly panicked. He cupped his boyfriend’s chin and realized he had been shivering. “Oh my God, Yifan, how long have you been here?”
“Not that long,” Yifan replied calmly.
“I’ll make you some warm tea, let’s get inside,” Junmyeon said and tried to drag Yifan into the apartment, but the latter wouldn’t budge. He deadpanned at the thought. “Yifan...?”
“Is it...is it not working?”
Junmyeon visibly tensed when he heard the question. “Wh...what?”
“Don’t lie to me, is it not working, Junmyeon-ah?”
Yifan looked hurt when he spoke and it created a huge pang in Junmyeon’s heart. Junmyeon palmed his mouth momentarily before placing it on the taller male’s arm. “It’s working...”
Yifan’s eyes softened at that but he still seemed unsure. “Really...?”
Junmyeon shyly nodded. “It’s working...”
“Did I...did I make you cry...?”
Junmyeon tilted his head to a side in confusion. “No...no, you didn’t.”
Yifan sighed in relief as he pulled Junmyeon closer into his arms and pressed his lips against the latter’s shoulder. “Are you still scared of me?”
Junmyeon chuckled lightly against his chest. “No. ...not really. It’s the face, right?”
Yifan also chuckled in return and Junmyeon felt his shoulder vibrated from it. “Yeah...it’s the face.”
They stayed still like that for a while. Even though the weather was a bit cold, but both of them felt warm. Most of all, Junmyeon felt safe and protected. He came to realize how much he loved Yifan’s strong arms around him. He realized how much he loved being held in the taller male’s embrace.
Yifan was the first one to break their hug and Junmyeon looked up questioningly. The former had such a scary look...no, it was determination that was plastered on his face.
“You said...you’re willing to be in a relationship with me until the candles turn twelve, right?”
He got a confused nod as a reply.
“Does it mean...only until a year? Then after a year...are you gonna dump me?”
“No,” Junmyeon whispered as he helplessly leaned his head on Yifan’s chest. He searched for Yifan’s long digits and intertwined them together. “No... I just want to be with you until there isn’t enough candle anymore. I want to be with you until we run out of space for the candles on the cupcake. I... I want to be with you until the cupcake evolves into a big cake so that we would be able to place lots and lots of candles so-“
Yifan didn’t let him finish his sentence and shut him up with a kiss. “Then it’s a promise...”
Junmyeon whimpered weakly. “It is.”
“It’s a promise because I will never let you go, Junmyeon. And that if you leave, I will chase you until the end of the world to make you remember that you’re mine.”
“Do that, Yifan...” Junmyeon cried happily. “Do that, please...”
End.
A few minutes had passed and Junmyeon suddenly remembered his first intention of going out. He slowly detached his lips off of Yifan’s and sighed.
“Yifan, are you hungry?”
Yifan seemed to remember something before taking something out of his coat’s pocket. The male unwrapped the package and Junmyeon was awed to see it was another cupcake with a candle on it.
“One candle,” Junmyeon whispered. “Because we are one, right?”
“...no.”
Yifan leaned down to kiss Junmyeon sweetly once again.
“It’s one, because you’re the only one for me.”
OH MY GOODNESS I'M SO SORRY I HATE THIS FIC IT'S ROTTEN CHEESE AND NAUSEATING I AM A FAILURE I'M QUITE SURE YOU WANTED TO THROW UP AT THE CHEESINESS /prepares for paperbags T______T
[BaekYeol: Small Steps]