Natural [1/1]

[flowerymisha]

Title: Natural [1/1]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KiWoon
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: It all happened naturally just the way it should be.
Author's Note: Please, no translations allowed!!

They said when a couple had been in a relationship for too long, one would change.

Kikwang wondered if it was true.

He had been together with Dongwoon for almost three years. And each month was passed smoothly without a fight. Sure, an argument or two couldn’t be avoided at certain times, but other than that, their relationship could be described as perfect.

When Kikwang had said yes to the younger male’s confession, it never occured to him that their relationship would last until that moment. Blame Joon for his lack of skills to throw a party (although the male never really cared since he only threw parties because he wanted Mir to come), but maybe they should thank him because in one of those awful parties was where they first met.

Some said, it was love at first sight.

While others merely thought that they were insane.

Dongwoon had only confessed due to Key’s dare to ‘confess to the prettiest male in the room’ and Kikwang had only accepted because alcohol got to him sooner than Hyunseung had expected. And simply because he thought Dongwoon was gorgeous (when he had sobered up, Kikwang had a hard time swallowing because the male was indeed gorgeous).

Kikwang wasn’t sure of how things would go, but he thought he didn’t really mind if the newly established relationship only lasted for a week or so. Afterall, it was only a dare. Maybe they would go their own separate ways when they realized they were just not meant to be.

But it turned out that Dongwoon didn’t have any intention to do so.

Son Dongwoon was serious about Lee Kikwang.

When the handsome male started showing up between classes, Kikwang realized that his relationship this time was different than the previous ones. Dongwoon started shoving sandwiches into Kikwang’s bag because he knew the male never had breakfast. He randomly purchased two movie tickets just because Kikwang had brought it up the other day. The taller of the two also knew Kikwang’s favorite brand of coffee.

It was natural for him to think that things were usually perfect in the first three months of a relationship, but as they progressed to the fourth month, Dongwoon didn’t show any sign that he was changing.

Even though Dongwoon was younger, his personality showed like he was the older one. Kikwang would always listen to him, like he would be lost if he didn’t. He listened a lot that he found himself almost obeying everything that Dongwoon asked. The latter never forced him into anything, but whenever Dongwoon started saying a subtle sentence (“Hyung, I think I want to...”), Kikwang would give in to his request without thinking. Well, usually he would just pretend to think for a moment before finally approving whatever it was that Dongwoon was asking.

“Hyung, I think I want to quit my current job.”

(Because his job required night shifts and Kikwang always fell asleep waiting for him and he hated it).

“Hyung, I think I want you to stop drinking coke and switch to rootbeer instead.”

(Because then he would smugly tell Junhyung that rootbeer kicked ass and coke was so last year).

“Hyung, I think I want you to stop bothering Minhyuk-hyung for a while.”

(Because Eunkwang had been trying to confess but Kikwang had always been in the way).

So when Dongwoon gazed at Kikwang like the latter was some kind of an unresolved math equation, he knew something was coming. And his hunch was right. His boyfriend opened his mouth to spill what had been on his mind the next second.

“Hyung, I think I...”

Kikwang’s lips curved into an amused smile and waited patiently.

“I think I want you to marry me.”

His smile disappeared.

***

It was scary, because Kikwang had never thought of marriage before even though he loved Dongwoon so much.

If Kikwang would usually feign like he was in a deep thought before smiling and nodding, maybe not that time. It came as a great shock that his face became impossibly pale. He couldn’t even hide the obvious expression of horror. Kikwang waited for Dongwoon to burst out laughing. He waited for Dongwoon to tell him that his face was so ugly, it could be displayed on the world’s wall of shame and let everyone guffawing over it.

It never came.

Instead, the younger of the two began to lick his lips-a nervous habit whenever he expected an answer.

Son Dongwoon was serious about marrying Lee Kikwang.

Kikwang’s lips started to tremble and the next thing he knew, he was breathless.

His heart almost leapt out of its cage and he almost did the questionable thing: running.

It must be so damn obvious because Dongwoon quickly caught his wrist before Kikwang could literally run. Kikwang let out a shriek and almost pushed his boyfriend away. But Dongwoon held his arms firmly and pulled the pretty male into an embrace. “Hey... I’m sorry. I’m sorry for scaring you. Just forget it, okay? I’m sorry, hyung...”

Kikwang fluttered his eyes closed and sniffled as Dongwoon started stroking his head in attempt to calm him down.

It worked instantly like a magic.

Kikwang felt calm immediately and braved himself to look up to catch his boyfriend’s eyes. Dongwoon’s black orbs were filled with determination and unprepared hurt. Guilt was creeping all over him and Kikwang didn’t have the heart to look anymore. None of them say a word after that.

For the rest of the night, Dongwoon kept on smiling although it looked strained.

The trip to Kikwang’s apartment was blanketed with silence. Kikwang hated it when Dongwoon gave him the silent treatment. It usually meant that his boyfriend was tired, or that he was angry with him, or that he was disappointed (Kikwang had a feeling it was the three of them). Dongwoon’s proposal kept on replaying itself in his mind like a broken record. Kikwang pondered as his eyes caught the glimpse of light from the street lamps on his window.

I think I want you to marry me.

His sentence was ‘I want you to marry me’, not ‘I think I want to marry you’. Even though they basically had the same meaning, but it sounded a bit different to Kikwang. It was as if Dongwoon begged him to marry him because he didn’t want anyone else.

The pretty male sighed inaudibly and glanced from the corner of his eyes at Dongwoon.

Kikwang stared at him and thought of everything they had been through together. Three years weren’t a short time and they had began to understand each other completely. In fact, Kikwang felt like Dongwoon was the only person who understood him the most even without words. It was natural for Dongwoon to have such thought after everything that happened.

Growing old with him sounded acceptable.

It sounded okay. It sounded good. It sounded like it was the rightest thing to do.

They finally reached Kikwang’s apartment and Dongwoon leaned forward to kiss his cheek. The latter bloomed a fond smile at Kikwang as he gently caressed the same spot he just kissed.

“Good night, hyung.”

“Good night...”

Kikwang made a move to slide off of the car, but then he stopped and cleared his throat. “Woonie...?” His voice came out as a meek whisper.

Dongwoon looked at him questioningly. “Yes?”

Kikwang gulped because he realized what he was about to say was going to change their lives forever.

“I think...I think I want to marry you.”

Dongwoon’s eyes widened.

***

They said most people changed after exchanging the vows (because there was just no guarantee that people would stay the same even after being in a relationship for so damn long).

Kikwang wondered if it was true.

He heard (and read from those cosmo magazines, damn Hyunseung’s effect was terrifying) a lot of things about marriages. Sadly, not all of them were good. Kikwang felt uncomfortable at the thought of one of them would change-which more likely seemed to be Dongwoon (because the male was younger and it was his wish, afterall to get married). What if he suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and regretted the whole thing? Kikwang wouldn’t know what to do.

But as their marriage progressed from months to first year of anniversary, Kikwang found himself breathing in relief. Dongwoon didn’t show any signs that he was changing. In fact, his husband did his job very well as the head of the family even though he was a year younger than him.

Kikwang often caught Dongwoon spacing out-the latter obviously had something in his mind. It had been going on for a few days and he had the urge to ask what was wrong (because Kikwang would definitely give in to whatever it was that Dongwoon was asking) but decided to just wait.

It finally happened at the end of the week. They were sitting in the living room that night. The television was turned on, but they had their attention fixed somewhere else. Kikwang was busy with his phone while Dongwoon was lost in a deep thought. It took the pretty male a moment to realize that Dongwoon had his eyes on him. Kikwang raised his brows questioningly. Something was definitely coming.

After marriage, what else could it be...?

“Hyung, I think I...”

Kikwang pressed his lips into a thin line and wondered what kind of request would it be this time.

“I think I want to have a kid.”

Kikwang had never thought of that one.

He watched Dongwoon unblinkingly like the male hadn’t said anything. When he did blink his eyes, Kikwang thought someone must have turned off the heater because the room temperature decreased dramatically below zero degree. Kikwang felt his whole body freezing and he couldn’t feel his hands anymore.

“Not just adopting, but...something like, surrogate mother,” Dongwoon continued quietly.

The room probably was also filled with odorless poison because Kikwang couldn’t breathe all of a sudden.

Dongwoon’s gaze at him was piercing and his eyes showed the strong will to do just what he just said. Again, Kikwang waited. Maybe it was just a really bad prank and his husband had a really awful sense of humour (it could be another dare, damn Key’s effect was annoying). A few minutes had passed and Kikwang came to realize that his husband didn’t joke around.

He blanched in fear and Dongwoon’s expression changed.

It was natural for Dongwoon to want such thing if one of them were woman (and had womb and uterus and the v word) but Kikwang wasn’t one. Not that it was unnatural for him to want children (because Dongwoon was gorgeous and breathtaking and it would be such a shame to not let someone inheriting his genes), but the thought of surrogate mother pained him. Dongwoon wasn’t keen to adopt. He was planning to have surrogate mother.

Kikwang sucked in deep breath abruptly and sank lower in his seat. He brought his trembling hands to cover his face.

Would I be able to say yes?

Dongwoon noticed that Kikwang was panicking and quickly reached out for his hands. “Hey,” he whispered. He detached those small hands from Kikwang’s face and pressed light kisses on them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out. It doesn’t have to be now... I mean, whenever you’re ready...”

Kikwang found himself cringing at the last words.

Whenever you’re ready.

When would he ever be ready?

He didn’t hate kids, but it didn’t mean he was fond of them either. Kikwang wasn’t even good with Sunny, Yongguk and Himchan’s adopted daughter and Ilhoon, Junhyung’s son (while Dongwoon seemed to get along just fine with both kids). Both Sunny and lhoon seemed to avoided him at all times because he became stiff like a robot everytime they were around. He didn’t hate kids and the kids didn’t even like him.

The expression must have been showed obviously on his face because Dongwoon’s smile faltered.

Kikwang had a battle with his inner self. The thought of having a kid burdened him so much, but he knew that Dongwoon would be happy if they do and Dongwoon’s smile was the most precious thing in the world, more than his own happiness. Without him realizing, Kikwang softly sobbed before leaning forward to put his head on his husband’s shoulder.

He didn’t know if he was going to regret it or not.

“Hey...”, Dongwoon calmly said. “Don’t cry, I’m sorry...”

If he thought that getting married was going to change their lives forever, maybe he was wrong. Maybe agreeing to having a baby was.

“Please stop crying...”

“It’s okay,” Kikwang whispered.

“Hm?”

“It’s okay. Let’s have a baby, Woonie...”

Because the saddest thing was that he couldn’t give him one.

***

Gina had the kindest smile Kikwang had ever seen.

They met in a family restaurant and Kikwang was thankful for the crowded place (he wouldn’t know what to do if it took place in their apartment and what if Gina and Dongwoon started jumping and ripping each other’s clothes and-). He pinched his inner thigh menacingly to erase such thoughts. The vague pain helped, but only for a fraction of second. Tears were starting to form in his eyes at the thought of sharing his husband with another person-worse, a woman.

What if they fall for each other?

What if the sex is even greater?

What if Woonie changes after all of this?

Kikwang was quiet the whole time. He didn’t bother to join into the conversations. Kikwang thought he was going to wait in vain because they were going to leave him soon to have sex somewhere in the public bathroom (he shuddered at the thought) but when Gina and Dongwoon shook hands, agreeing to something with wide smiles, he knew that it wasn’t going to happen. It turned out that the result was along the line of ‘sperm banks’ and ‘let the magic begins’.

He inwardly cried in relief.

‘The magic’ soon began because Gina was positively pregnant the next few weeks and Kikwang couldn’t forget the happy yet disbelief expression plastered on Dongwoon’s face when she informed him the (good) news. The pretty male selfishly prayed that Gina would take a lot longer to get pregnant but maybe it was his punishment for thinking that way.

Kikwang didn’t have a clue when it came to pregnancy, but if there was one thing he learned, it was the awful mood swings.

They (more like Dongwoon, actually) dealt with Gina’s sudden mood swings (and the enormous appetite). Gina would call Dongwoon in the strangest times and ask him to buy something-mostly food-for her. And Dongwoon would always give in. At first, Kikwang felt a bit odd to have Dongwoon’s attention shifted at something else that wasn’t him, but then again, the woman carried his baby in her tummy, so it was acceptable. He tried to kick the uncomfortable feeling away because he knew Dongwoon just wanted the baby to be healthy. The tall male visited the beautiful woman frequently to check on her condition and he even accompanied her to the doctor.

Most of the times, Kikwang chose to stay home and waited instead of coming along (because he would always have Dongwoon by the end of the day and Gina would have no one).

Kikwang wondered what Gina had that made Dongwoon chose her. He also wanted to ask why Gina had agreed in the first place of the crazy request. Kikwang wanted to know a lot of things, but he thought he would be hurt to know more about Gina and Dongwoon-like how they stumbled upon each other-and decided to just keep it to himself.

But Gina was truly beautiful. She got everything that was required to be a miss universe-beauty, brain and attitude. She was pretty even without make up. The way she spoke her thought amazed Kikwang because he would never be that brave. The way she laughed over small things made Kikwang’s heart warm and at the same time aching with pain (because she would definitely make a good couple with Dongwoon and they would have beautiful babies). Gina seemed to acknowledge Kikwang’s uneasiness but never spoke it out loud (because anyone would be uneasy in the situation they were in).

By the fifth month of her pregnancy, her stomach had gotten bigger. It was in one of the ‘family’ times that Dongwoon insisted on having every once a month when Kikwang found himself staring in disbelief at the bulge under Gina’s clothes. Without him realizing, it was fifth month already. Time seemed to pass by like a breeze. It was just a few months to go and then the baby would be born.

Would Woonie change...?

When Dongwoon excused himself to the bathroom, Gina subtly nudged Kikwang and smiled kindly at him. Kikwang only stared.

“I know you hate me, Kikwang-ah.”

Kikwang flinched in surprise. “What? N-no, I don’t, noona. It’s just...”, he trailed off, unsure of what to say. He didn’t hate her, but he wasn’t comfortable with her presence either.

“It’s just...?” Gina hang her tone, encouraging Kikwang to go on.

Kikwang sighed in defeat. “I... I don’t know... I just... You’re burdened with Dongwoon’s selfish request... And I just feel... Oh Gosh, I don’t know, noona...everything’s just too much for me...” The pretty male hung his head dejectedly and refused to meet her eyes.

Maybe I just don’t want you to walk into our lives.

“You’re afraid,” Gina slowly emphasized. “You’re afraid this child will change your husband.”

Kikwang deadpanned and his expression morphed into worry. “Woonie...will change?”

Gina shook her head furiously. “No! He will not! Well you can always tell me if he does because I’m gonna kick him to Mars for you.” She laughed in amusement at her choice of words.

“But...”, Kikwang replied sadly. “How can you be so sure, noona...?”

“Woman’s intuition,” Gina said seriously. “And I know I’m always right. He loves you deeply and I can tell that much. I’m sure, Kikwang-ah. He’s not gonna change even when the baby is born.”

Kikwang bit his lower lip. “Do you really think so...?”

“Yes,” Gina smiled kindly. “And you know what? I’m really, really glad that it’s you and Dongwoon who are gonna be the parents of my baby. I feel like I can leave in peace, knowing that he’s in the right hands. Promise me you’ll take care of him, Kikwang-ah. Promise me.”

“Noona-“

“Promise me.”

“I-I promise.”

“Good.”

Kikwang’s eyes never left Gina’s face as he held his breath. “Him...?”

Her smile got even wider. “Yes, him.”

“Oh my God,” Kikwang whispered. “It’s gonna be a Son Dongwoon Jr.”

Gina suddenly burst out laughing. “Yes, Son Dongwoon Jr. But he doesn’t know about it yet. It will be a little secret between us.” She winked and squeezed his hand lightly to calm him down. Her smile soon vanished as she winced and fluttered her eyes closed in pain. She brought a hand to her head and Kikwang quickly touched her arm worriedly.

“Noona, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

“I’m alright,” Gina said, frowning with her eyes closed. “Ugh, I’ve just been having headaches lately...must have been the lack of sleep.”

“Gina-noona?” Dongwoon was back at their table and he looked at her in genuine concern. “Is the headache still bothering you?”

“Dongwoon-ah, it’s already fifth month. I just get tired easily,” she waved her hand nonchalantly and flashed them her pearly whites. “I’m okay. I’ll be strong for the baby.” She stroke her stomach lightly.

Dongwoon narrowed his eyes and helped Gina to her feet.

“Let’s get you home then, noona.”

***

Gina collapsed on her seventh month of pregnancy.

The week before, they had met like usual in the family restaurant. She looked really pale but she reassured them that it was nothing. Now that Kikwang thought about it, none of them seemed to be convinced back then, but Gina stubbornly told them that she was okay.

Her condition was dropping so badly when they arrived at the hospital and the doctor said she needed to perform a surgery.

They both could do nothing but to wait. But waiting was never a happy thing to do.

Dongwoon tried to calm him down but Kikwang could see that he was actually scared, too.

Kikwang prayed inwardly for both mother and baby were gonna be fine. Gina had to live. After all they had been through together, she had to. She had to live so that they would be able to raise the baby together. Kikwang had given it a thought for the last few weeks. Gina would not be forgotten even after the baby was born-he wanted her to be able to take part in the baby’s life.

Dongwoon’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“I should’ve seen it coming, hyung,” Dongwoon hoarsely said. “Her headaches have been getting really bad lately. I should’ve just ignored her laugh and took her to the doctor. She always said that it was because of the pregnancy. But really, I should’ve trusted my instinct better...”

Kikwang bit back a sob and pulled Dongwoon into a hug.

It seemed like an eternity when the doctor finally stepped outside the surgery room. She peeled off the mask of her face and both Dongwoon and Kikwang straightened up on their seats. They wished for a good news, but judging from the chagrin expression chiseled on her face, it was definitely a no.

She gave them a slow head shake and Kikwang choked. “We’re very sorry...we’ve done the best we could.”

“Noona,” Kikwang cried into his hands and reached for Dongwoon’s arm. “Woonie, Gina-noona...”

“However...you may see the baby later.”

Kikwang instantly stopped crying, but the tears were still falling to his cheeks. “...b-baby?”

“We managed to save the baby. He had to be taken to intensive care unit because he’s barely eight months in the womb...but he’ll make it.”

They were too caught in the second news. None of them say a word until Dongwoon broke the silence with a whisper. “He...?”

“Congratulations, it’s a boy,” she smiled kindly. “I assume you’re the father. He got your eyes.”

It was terrible because they were supposed to be mourning over Gina’s death, but knowing that the baby had survived somehow erased some of the pain. When both of them stood up in front of the newborn baby’s room, peeking quietly from the window, the baby-Dongwoon’s-looked so petite compared to others, but his face showed determination that he would live.

Dongwoon pressed a hand on the window and whispered fondly.

“Welcome to life, baby.”

***

Son Daehyun became a member of the family.

Because he was born earlier than he was supposed to, Daehyun had to be admitted to the intensive care unit for a few weeks. The doctor informed them that it was rare for babies to survive in Daehyun’s position, but their baby was different.

Their baby was strong.

When Daehyun was finally allowed to go home, Dongwoon was overjoyed and he took a day off from work. Kikwang felt something akin to envy bubbled in him as he observed Dongwoon and the small bundle in his arms from the doorway. His husband seemed awfully happy of the baby’s presence.

Dongwoon was changing because the baby was more important.

Of course it was just Kikwang’s silly thought. His husband would never change, wouldn’t he? But then again, he had read a lot of facts in the magazine, something about husbands tend to change after having kids (and the wives would be sacrificed to have the more tiring work at home). Kikwang swallowed down all of his bad thoughts and tried hard not to think about it anymore.

Dongwoon looked up and smiled at Kikwang. Kikwang quickly smiled back and Dongwoon gestured him to come closer.

“Hyung, look at Daehyun,” Dongwoon said quietly in awe.

Kikwang gulped and almost had to drag his feet to walk closer.

“He’s beautiful,” Dongwoon mumbled. “Do you want to try holding him?”

“No,” Kikwang replied in a split of second and Dongwoon shot him a look. “I-I mean, not...yet. You...you do that, Woonie. I’m gonna fix us something to eat.” With that, he quickly left the younger male for the kitchen.

When Dongwoon left for work the next day, Kikwang briefly wondered if he could make it. After seeing Daehyun surviving in the incubator in the hospital for months, he realized that the baby rarely cried unlike most babies. He seemed strong (just like Dongwoon) and good looking (must have gotten it from Gina’s gene too) and his peaceful smile clenched Kikwang’s heart most of the times.

What if he wasn’t able to love Daehyun?

Even he wasn’t brave enough to hold him...

Gayoon and Jiyoon decided to drop by that morning and Kikwang felt really grateful. The girls had their ways around babies so it was a piece of cake to hold Daehyun. They also helped changing his diapers and did baby talk to him while Daehyun made happy faces at them. Kikwang watched the interaction from afar, feeling a tad jealous of how easy for them to hold the newborn baby. By the time they went home (and almost kidnapping Daehyun because the baby was just too cute and they couldn’t let them go), Kikwang looked at the time and realized he hadn’t cooked dinner and that Dongwoon was going to be home any minute soon.

Suddenly, Daehyun cried.

Kikwang was measuring how much salt he would use when he heard the faint cry. He waited for a second before panicking because Daehyun was really crying. He immediately ran back to the bedroom, not knowing what to do when he saw Daehyun’s face was red and sweating and he was crying loudly.

Could it be that Daehyun was hungry? It could be. Or could it be that he had peed in his diapers and he was asking it to be replaced? It could be that, too.

Kikwang placed a hand on his mouth and he also felt like crying. Woonie, he thought frantically. Kikwang grabbed the bottle of milk that was left by the girls on the table and carefully shoving it into the baby’s mouth. When Daehyun turned away in distaste and his cry got even louder, it occured to him that it was probably the diapers.

Diapers.

He had no idea how to change a diaper.

Why didn’t he ask Gayoon and Jiyoon to stay at least until Dongwoon came home?

Kikwang glanced down at the new diaper in his hands helplessly. Daehyun’s cheeks were wet with tears and his voice was awfully loud for a two months old. Kikwang dropped weakly on his knees beside the crib.

“Please stop crying,” he sobbed into his hands as Daehyun continued screaming in protest. “Please...”

“Baby, what’s wrong??”

Kikwang looked up to see that Dongwoon was standing by the doorway, breathing heavily as if he had just run all the way from China. Dongwoon didn’t waste any time when he saw Kikwang’s tears and chose to deal with Daehyun first. His husband carefully took Daehyun from the crib and nodded knowingly. “Oh, you’re wet. You’re not comfortable, are you baby...wait up, let Appa change it for you...”

Kikwang watched the whole scene silently. He was still sitting on the carpeted floor dumbly, unable to move. He wanted to stand up and help Dongwoon but he just couldn’t. Within minutes, Daehyun was smiling gratefully at Dongwoon and made a content sound. His father laughed in response and bumped their noses together. The tall male put his son back in the crib before turning around to face Kikwang. He slowly helped Kikwang to his feet.

“I’m-I’m sorry, Woonie...” Kikwang whispered fearfully. “I was scared, I was so scared-“

“Baby, it’s okay,” Dongwoon sighed and brushed a few strands of hair from Kikwang’s forehead. “Are you alright?”

“I... I guess...”

Dongwoon kissed his forehead and smiled gently. “Shall we ask Sohyun to come over to babysit tomorrow?”

Kikwang was hesitant for a moment before nodding. “Is-is that okay...?”

“Of course. I’ll give her a call later then.”

Dongwoon was about to leave the room when Kikwang opened his mouth to say something again.

“Woonie...”

“Hm?”

“Please don’t change...”

Dongwoon went blank as he tried to register what Kikwang said. “Change...?”

“Yes, please don’t...”, Kikwang started crying. “Don’t neglect me for Daehyun...”

“You think I would-oh dear God, baby, I would never do that-“

“Gi-Gina-noona told me that he would kick you to M-Mars if you do change but she’s not around anymore so-“

“Hey,” Dongwoon pecked his lips to calm him down. “I promise you, I won’t change... Both of you are important to me. I promise you, baby, I won’t change...please stop crying.”

Kikwang sniffled and let his tears be wiped away by his husband.

At that moment, he promised himself that he would be brave for Dongwoon.

***

Sohyun was a great help.

She taught Kikwang how to change diapers, how to bathe the baby, and how to make good milk. The girl wasn’t married yet, but she had helped babysitting Ilhoon a lot when Junhyung and Hyunseung were away so she did everything like an experienced mommy.

Kikwang was finally able to hold Daehyun when the baby was three months old.

It just sort of happened when Sohyun asked him casually to hold Daehyun while she grabbed a new set of clothes and Kikwang obeyed. When Daehyun was in his arms and the baby stared at him solemnly with his eyes, Kikwang almost screamed. Daehyun felt so small and warm in between his outstretched hands and it scared him. Yet it made him had the urge to protect the little baby so Kikwang slowly pulled him to his chest.

Daehyun snuggled closer (“Mm”, he mumbled) and Kikwang’s heart skipped a beat. The former made a sound and curled his little fingers into his shirt.

The baby refused to be detached from Kikwang after (he seemed to have find a new comfortable place and that he knew it was his mother’s) and Sohyun grinned widely at them. Dongwoon was so happy that he couldn’t stop kissing him with Daehyun squished between them (“You’re holding our son, hyung. You’re holding our son!”)

It took him another few weeks to be dependant without Sohyun’s help. When Kikwang was able to do everything by himself, Sohyun stopped coming.

Daehyun rarely woke up and cried in the middle of the night. Kikwang had always prepared the ingredients of warm milk on the nightstand, so that if Daehyun did wake up, he wouldn’t have to go to the kitchen to make one. It was probably one of the rare times when the baby woke up and his crying could be heard faintly from the room next door. Kikwang needed a moment to load his brain. He sleepily rubbed his eyes before reaching to the nightstand to make Daehyun’s milk and touched nothing. He blinked incredulously.

The bottle wasn’t there.

Kikwang glanced at the alarm clock and thought that he must have forgotten that night. The pretty male yawned and quickly made his way to the kitchen. As he passed Daehyun’s room, he was a bit stunned to see Dongwoon was already inside with the baby in his arms. The bottle of milk that he was searching for was in his free hand. Daehyun was sucking on the pacifier and stared at his father with gleaming eyes. Kikwang heard Dongwoon saying soothing words to his baby and he didn’t want to disturb the moment. They looked so peaceful.

However, when he took a step back, Kikwang accidentally made a creaking sound and Dongwoon glanced at him. The handsome male gave him a gentle smile and gestured him to come closer. Kikwang did as he was told and his heart fluttered at the sight of Daehyun.

“He’s this big already,” Dongwoon muttered. “A few months ago, he was so tiny and light. I can still remember how fragile he was in my arms...and now, look at him.”

“He has your eyes,” Kikwang smiled and caressed Daehyun’s smooth cheek with the back for his index finger. “He’s gonna be so handsome when he-”

Kikwang wasn’t able to finish his sentence because the warmth of Dongwoon’s lips against his sent his thoughts flying. Everything became blur because he didn’t have the time to close his eyes. “W-Woonie?” He stammered once his vision was cleared.

“I love you,” Dongwoon whispered. “I love you so much, hyung.”

***

Kikwang felt attached to Daehyun completely.

Everything about the little one never failed to amaze him. He managed to witness almost everything because Dongwoon was away at work most of the times. Kikwang loved him dearly like his own son.

When Daehyun was six months old, he began to move around and his curiosity got bigger. He would squint his eyes at the crawling ants on the table and tried to reach-more like to smash-them. Whenever Daehyun failed to stand up, he would roll on his stomach (exactly like a miniature soldier crawling under barbed wires) and let out a frustration cry. He had gotten more and more active. When the baby finally did able to walk, he started to crawl everywhere and Kikwang had to keep his eyes open at all times. Daehyun also put everything in his mouth and spitted it out instantly when he learned that it wasn’t food.

Daehyun wasn’t a crybaby when he was younger, and he was still not one even when got older.

On the phase of his ‘learning to walk’, Daehyun bumped his head on the table and chipped his tooth on the chair, but he had never cried. Of course, at times like these, he would stare at Kikwang, probably wondering what the hell he just experienced. Kikwang remained expressionless, he tried not to panic because Sohyun once told him that a baby reacted to their parents’ expression. So the pretty male only smiled calmly at his son, chuckling like it didn’t matter as he pulled Daehyun into a tight embrace, even though inside he wanted to cry so badly because it must have been painful for the baby.

Daehyun also knew how to snatch his parents’ attention.

He knew that when he cried, his umma would turn to look at him and ask him if he was hungry. He knew that when he tugged his umma’s arm, the latter would stop whatever it was that he was doing and gave him a fond smile. He knew that when he sighed loudly, he was letting his appa know that it was time for him to sleep and to be nestled into those slender, warm arms. Daehyun knew he was making them proud because of his progress. He loved seeing those happy smiles whenever he did something new (because then they would shower them with kisses and he loved to be kissed).

However, when Daehyun had turned two and a few months, he hadn’t talked and it worried Dongwoon. All he managed to say was something gibberish like ‘da’ and ‘ba’ but never a full word. Every night, his appa would give him a frown and Daehyun would find himself cringing at his ugly expression.

“Appa,” Dongwoon slowly said. “Daehyunie, say...ap...pa.”

Daehyun blinked for a moment. His father seemed to do this everytime they met. Was it really necessary? The baby mentally shrugged and opened his mouth to mimic his father but no words came out. Appa.

“Yes, go on, Daehyunie, ap...pa.”

Ap...crap it’s difficult, Daehyun wrinkled his nose and tried harder.

“Woonie? Your water is ready,” Kikwang knocked on the door to let the male know. He chuckled when he saw the expressions plastered on his two favorite persons. “What are you doing?”

“Has he said his first word yet?” Dongwoon kissed Daehyun’s cheek and the baby giggled cutely.

“Not yet,” Kikwang shook his head. “Is it not a good sign?”

“I don’t know. Ilhoon had babbled a lot when he was about his age. Incoherent rambling, of course, but at least it was a sign.” Dongwoon placed Daehyun on Kikwang’s arms before kissing the male affectionately. “Nevermind. Let me just take a bath first and then we’ll have dinner together, alright?”

“Alright.”

Daehyun stared at Kikwang with his eyes and Kikwang smiled as he poked the baby’s nose softly. He broke into an innocent grin and tried to reach Kikwang’s chin with his small fingers.

“Hm?” Kikwang leaned down to meet his lips against those tiny hands. “What’s wrong?”

“...ma.”

Kikwang blinked. “Huh?”

“...ma,” Daehyun said a bit louder this time. “Um...ma.”

Kikwang’s eyes widened and he stared at the baby in horror. “N-no, Daehyun, no. It’s-it’s supposed to be appa. Your first word is supposed to be appa.”

“Umma...?”

Daehyun gave him a tiny frown and Kikwang wondered how did he able to copy his father’s expression perfectly. Kikwang shook his head almost violently and was about to continue to lecture his son about the word ‘appa’ when he realized what was happening.

“Oh my God,” he held his breath. “You’re talking.”

“Umma.”

“Oh my God, Woonie...”

When Dongwoon went back to the living room after taking the shower, he was stunned to find that Kikwang was crying while holding Daehyun closely to his chest.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?”

The baby noticed his father’s presence in the room and grinned widely. He outstretched his hands to Dongwoon’s direction as he opened his mouth to say another word.

“Appa.”

***

Daehyun asked a lot of questions as he got older.

But he had never asked about his real mother.

The boy was probably wondering why he had two fathers instead of a father and a mother, but he never looked disgusted with the fact. Sometimes Kikwang found his eyes wandering to the beautiful women at the street while the one he called ‘umma’ was a flat chested male. Both Kikwang and Dongwoon had agreed that they would tell Daehyun the truth one day, when he was old enough to know. Because there was just no guarantee that when he knew, he would be able to take everything calmly. Like, what if he suddenly hated Kikwang and wished to see his real mother?

Kikwang felt a bit worried when Daehyun started going to school. Dongwoon probably told the teachers that Daehyun’s mother had passed away and that he was married to another male. It was the truth and it wasn’t a lie. But kids weren’t the same as adults. They tend to mock other children with anything they could use, even if it was hurting.

Daehyun started getting into fights regarding his ‘umma’.

Apparently some of his friends knew that the one he called ‘umma’ was a male and it started as a joke which irritated Daehyun to no end. At first it was only small fights and Daehyun only complained about his shoulder hurting from playing soccer. Kikwang wasn’t suspicious at all. But then it transformed into something bigger and Daehyun came home with bruised eyes and swollen lips. Daehyun finally confessed to him about what happened and it broke Kikwang’s heart to see him in such state. Kikwang had told Daehyun to stop fighting but the latter stubbornly refused, because he would do whatever it took to make them shut up about his umma.

So Kikwang told him the truth.

And Daehyun’s judging gaze tore his heart apart.

Later that night, Dongwoon’s voice roared heavily throughout the room.

“What the hell were you thinking, hyung??”

“I’m sorry,” Kikwang weakly replied and laced his hands together.

“You know we agreed about this!!”

“I-I know.”

“I can’t believe this!! Why did you even break your promise??”

Kikwang couldn’t hold it anymore. “What was I supposed to do? Daehyun kept on getting into a fight because of me. Me, Woonie, because he defended me from his friends-“

“But that doesn’t mean you can tell him you’re not his mother!!”

“But that is true, Woonie! Eventually he’ll know that he was born from a womb of a woman and definitely from me!! Gosh, how can you be so dense? You’re called ‘appa’ because you’re the head of the family! But I’m called ‘umma’ just because I take care of everything in his house! Daehyun’s not stupid, he knows that I am not his mother!”

“So what, you’re saying that you preferred to be called ‘appa’, is that it??”

Kikwang groaned helplessly. How come it came to this?

“That’s not what I mean and you know it, Woonie!!”

“Appa, umma. Please stop fighting.”

Both turned their heads to Daehyun who was standing by the door. Kikwang felt his chest tightened at the grim expression the boy had on his face. Dongwoon merely stared at his son.

“I may be six years old,” Daehyun quietly said. “But I think I deserve to know. Please tell me the truth.”

“Daehyunnie-“

“Appa, please,” Daehyun closed his eyes. “Please. I need to know.”

Dongwoon exchanged wary glances with Kikwang and the latter nodded. The younger male sighed heavily as he dropped his body onto the couch. He motioned Daehyun to sit on the seat across him. “Sit down, Hyunnie.”

Daehyun obeyed.

Dongwoon seemed reluctant at first, but then he cleared his throat and started speaking. He told Daehyun about Gina. He told them everything he needed to know about his real mother. He left out a few details such as that they weren’t married when they had him and that it was only a contract. The little boy didn’t have to know that for now. He told him how his mother died and they had only managed to save him.

“But no matter what happens, Daehyun,” Dongwoon stated. “I’m still your father. We’re still your parents.”

Kikwang grabbed a picture of a beautiful woman from the drawer and handed it to him. “This is your mother.”

“She’s beautiful,” Daehyun breathed at the sight of his deceased mother. “She’s my real umma?”

“She is,” Kikwang did his best to not let the smile vanished from his face. His real umma. “She is...”

Daehyun grimaced at the picture and put it on his lap. Tears were starting to form in the rim of his eyes and he sniffled sadly. “Will you hate me?”

Kikwang glanced at Dongwoon for a second before returning his gaze back at the boy. “What...?”

“Because I’m not your real son. Will you still love me?”

Kikwang gasped at the question and Daehyun started crying on his seat. He threw Dongwoon a confused glance before leaning forward to hug Daehyun. He was supposed to be angry and hate Kikwang and everything else instead of asking him that.

“C-can I still call you u-umma? Please don’t hate m-me.”

Kikwang closed his eyes to prevent the tears from falling.

“Baby, I will not hate you. You’re my everything...”

Kikwang cracked his eyes open to see Dongwoon smiling so softly at him and his eyes drifted to the picture on Daehyun’s lap.

Gina was smiling so kindly at him.

***

If it was Kikwang at first who felt completely attached to Daehyun, now it was the opposite.

Daehyun clung to him dearly most of the times like he wouldn’t ever let go. He would even snap whenever Dongwoon tried to touch his umma but then squirmed when his father glowered at him. Kikwang would only laugh at them and heard his husband muttered something along the lines of ‘how dare you’ and ‘I come in first, you come in second’. Of course it would just be temporary because within minutes they would be seen lovey dovey again.

The boy had become very stubborn lately and Kikwang wondered if it was inherited from Gina-noona.

The pretty male did the house chores everyday so he really didn’t want to be sick, but illness was sometimes unavoidable. Kikwang thought he caught it from Dongwoon who came home with a slight fever the night before. Or perhaps, he caught it when Daehyun was in his arms and the latter sneezed right into Kikwang’s face, also the night before. It didn’t matter anymore how he caught the cold because Kikwang was officially sick.

Kikwang was cocooned comfortably in the thick comforter when Daehyun walked into the room.

“Umma,” he said like a soldier reporting to his general. “I’ve done the dishes today.”

“Yeay,” Kikwang cheekily replied and blew his nose into the tissue.

“But appa won’t do the laundry. They’re piling up and we’re running out of clean clothes.”

Kikwang chuckled and tilted his head to a side. “I’ll force your father later.”

Daehyun grinned and showed Kikwang his beautiful eyesmile. He jumped onto the bed and snuggled closer to him.

“Baby,” Kikwang said feebly and poked his head. “You’ll get sick. Go sleep in your room.”

Daehyun pouted. “I don’t care. I wanna be here until you recover, umma.”

“I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

“It’s fine. I can use a day off anyway if I get sick, umma.”

Kikwang frowned at the idea and tried to scold his son, but he was too tired to do so. Daehyun curled into a ball and fell asleep soon on the empty spot beside him. A few minutes later, Dongwoon emerged and closed the door behind him. He walked closer to his husband and pressed the back of his hand on Kikwang’s forehead with a worried face.

“Have you taken the medicine?”

Kikwang smiled weakly. “I have... Woonie, you should take Daehyun back to his room. I don’t want him to be sick...”

Dongwoon nodded before leaning forward to catch Kikwang’s lips. Kikwang almost yelped as he pushed his husband away with a weak glare.

“Woonie, you’ll get sick. Maybe you should go sleep with Daehyun tonight.”

Dongwoon shook his head stubbornly. “I can use a day off anyway, hyung. As long as it will make you feel better, I don’t mind.”

It was then that Kikwang knew where Daehyun’s stubborness came from.

***

Everything went by quickly.

Daehyun had finally stopped fighting (Kikwang had a hunch it was because he had always won the fight and everyone feared his strength) and made some new friends. He had brought someone named Youngjae home and looked terribly excited as he introduced him to his umma, asking for his opinion.

When Kikwang finally commented ‘cute’, Daehyun pointed at himself smugly and said, ‘mine’. He made a face and wanted to tell Daehyun that it was way too early but then his son grabbed his friend’s hand and disappeared from his sight. Kikwang wondered if Dongwoon would be pissed to hear something about this. Because from what he knew, Junhyung always grabbed a knife whenever Ilhoon mentioned someone.

Kikwang bade Daehyun goodnight and kissed his forehead. The boy didn’t seem to be satisfied with one kiss and pulled his mother down to kiss him on the cheek. Kikwang chuckled and ruffled his hair affectionately before turning off the light.

“Goodnight, Daehyunnie.”

“Goodnight, umma.”

He tiptoed carefully to Dongwoon who was sitting on the couch in the living room and stole a kiss. Dongwoon was caught of guard before pulling Kikwang closer for another kiss and the pretty male almost rolled his eyes at how similar a father and a son could be.

“What are you looking at?” Kikwang peered over his shoulder.

Dongwoon pursed his lips. “Nothing. Next week is Gina-noona’s...”

“Ah,” Kikwang glanced at the calendar by the table. “Daehyun will turn seven next week.” They fell into a comfortable silence and Kikwang sighed in exasperation. “Seven years has passed, Woonie...”

“I know,” Dongwoon murmured quietly as Kikwang put himself on Dongwoon’s lap, his arms wrapping securely around the younger male’s neck “Hyung?”

“Hm..?”

“I’m thinking of taking him to the cemetery with us. He should know where his mother was buried.”

Kikwang hummed softly. “I agree.” He felt Dongwoon shifting slightly on the couch and he looked up. He was greeted by a pair of black orbs. Dongwoon was gazing at him like he was a nearly extinct rare breed and Kikwang knew something was coming.

He raised his brows as if to challenge his husband.

“Do you...regret any of this?”

Kikwang blinked. It wasn’t the usual ‘I think I want to...’ that led to a favor of something. This time, it was merely a question. Kikwang could feel it was really important to him because Dongwoon was licking his lips. He was expecting an honest answer.

Kikwang earnestly smiled as he softly pressed their lips together.

“Of course not, Woonie.”

Because it all happened naturally, just the way it should be.

End.

[Reasons (Why)]