Reasons (Why) [1/1]
Title: Reasons (Why) [1/1]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing(s): DaeJae, slight!DooSeob (too many crossovers aahhh my feels)
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Youngjae chose to hear Daehyun’s reasons before deciding.
Author’s Note: I am a failure. I am sorry T_T Unbeta-ed. Please, no translations allowed!
[Natural]
It had been a long day.
Youngjae only had one class for the day, but there was something unusual about it that made time seemingly frozen.
The bell rang loudly and it snapped Youngjae out of his reverie. He blinked around in confusion at the emptiness, because usually someone would flick his arm playfully and told him that daydreaming time was over. Youngjae looked down to his hands. He was sitting all by himself today. It felt strange. It was like something was missing from his side... The male sighed heavily as he stood up. He couldn’t seem to absorb today’s material even though it was supposed to be easier to concentrate, because there was no Daehyun to disturb him (and his effort to study).
Daehyun.
Youngjae was startled by a familiar voice with a familiar accent. The male peered over his shoulder only to find Daehyun laughing (almost too happily) with one of their classmates. He pursed his lips as he slowly packed his books into his bag, eyes never left Daehyun. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he was finally able to tear his gaze off of the older male and turned his head to the bag before him.
He remembered.
It had been a few days since they stopped talking.
Youngjae never expected it would hurt like this. If it was only a fight, eventually one of them would apologize, no matter who was at fault and everything would get back to normal. If it was only a small fight, their silent treatment would only last for a day-two days max-because they would find their way back to each other. If it was only a fight...Daehyun wouldn’t laugh with someone else just to make him jealous (because really, the male was rarely seen with another person than Youngjae).
Youngjae shook his head almost roughly to pry his mind off of the certain male. He carelessly shouldered his backpack, shifting it slightly before turning around to leave-
-and was greeted with Daehyun’s solemn stare.
His heart missed a beat and Youngjae almost forgot how to breathe. Subconsciously, his grip tightened on the strap. Youngjae slowly let go of the breath he had been holding in attempt to calm down, but the tension was making him harder to breathe. I should probably smile, he thought panickly but then gulping instead because it was just too awkward to do so. Youngjae’s lips quivered as he opened his mouth to say something, but Daehyun beat him to it first.
“Hey.”
Hi.
I miss you.
Do you miss me too?
Youngjae hesitantly looked down. “H-hey...”
“I-“ Daehyun paused. The handsome male lifted his hand sheepishly to scratch his head. “You know, I always tell you everything. And it’s been strange not to tell you anything lately.”
Youngjae only stared. The male was right. They talked so much like there was no tomorrow, there was barely any secret between them that it just felt strange-and empty-when they stopped doing it.
“So uh... I’m just gonna inform you that I’m going to, uh...this group counseling.”
Youngjae’s stare at Daehyun was blank, but it was obvious that his expression was a mixture of relief and confusion. Relieved because Daehyun still felt the same way as him and confused because-
“G-group counseling?”
“Yeah.”
“I-I don’t understand-“
“Just a session, though,” Daehyun shrugged nonchalantly. “Today’s theme is just to confess the first time we realize that...”, he trailed off and cleared his throat. “Anyway, I just... I feel like letting it all go. All of this,” he tapped his own chest lightly.
“B-but counseling session?”
Daehyun exhaled through his nose and looked down. “Youngjae-yah... I’m sorry.”
“What-what are you sorry about?”
Daehyun directed his eyes to his watch. “I think I should go now, I don’t want to make Uncle Doojoon waits too long for me. ...I guess I’ll talk to you later?”
They hadn’t talked in a few days, so it was probably just a preamble-or worse, a lie-to end the awkwardness between them. Would they even talk again later? Nonetheless, Youngjae found himself nodding slowly and Daehyun left with a simple smile. The brunette threw him one last look before leaving for sure. Youngjae faintly acknowledged his footsteps as they faded into the silence.
Uncle Doojoon.
Youngjae knew the name. Heck, he knew everyone who was involved in Daehyun’s family. Doojoon was a well known licensed psychologist in town and a very good friend of Daehyun’s parents. Although they had never met before, the name was pretty much mentioned in daily conversations. Youngjae sunk his teeth between his lips. It somehow pained him that Daehyun had the need to attend a counseling session just to let everything off of his chest... If he needed a friend to talk to, why did Daehyun have to go all the way to him? He could’ve just talked to him instead...
The younger male hung his head dejectedly.
We’re not best friends anymore...are we, Daehyunie?
Youngjae glanced at his watch. He had a singing lesson after school, but how could he sing with such feeling? He hadn’t been himself lately...
But maybe he wasn’t the only one.
Maybe Daehyun was, too.
Youngjae pressed his lips into a thin line before deciding that he was going to follow his best friend for the day.
***
A soft knock let Doojoon know that someone was at the door and he hummed as a reply.
“Doojoonie, everyone is here.”
Doojoon looked up from his papers and gave his assistant slash boyfriend a gentle smile. “Wonderful. Thank you, Yoseob-ah. I shall be there in a minute.”
Yoseob usually wouldn’t wait for the older male, but this time he did. He tilted his head cutely by the doorway. “Doojoonie?”
“Hm?”
“Are you sure it’s okay for Daehyun to...”
Doojoon double checked all of the papers he needed as he stood up. His gaze softened at Yoseob, as if to tell him that he understood what he meant. “It’s his wish to try. And he needs to know that he’s not alone.”
Yoseob bit his nail as he gazed back. “I just hope that Dongwoon won’t kill you later. If he knows you’re coaxing his son to attend this kind of thing...”
Doojoon snatched an empty cup on his way to the door and planted a chaste kiss on Yoseob’s lips. “Dongwoon’s fine. I’m more afraid of Kikwang, though. He’s scarier than Dongwoon when he’s angry.”
Yoseob shuddered at the horrible thought. Doojoon laughed earnestly beside him as they stepped out of the room and Yoseob closed the door behind them. “It’s not funny, Doojoonie! Well, let’s just be sure that-“
“Excuse me!”
Both Doojoon and Yoseob turned their heads to the young male that had just called out. It seemed like he had been running all the way there because he was breathless. None of them said a thing until the male regained his breath back. Doojoon sent him a smile before kindly replying.
“Yes?”
“I-“, the male looked hesitant, his hand curled loosely on his chin. “I’m here for the counseling...?”
Yoseob shot Doojoon a questioning look. “Baby, I thought you said there would only be six?”
“Of course. We’re sorry, but we only limit six persons for one meeting,” Doojoon smiled apologetically at the young male. “You are...?”
“Y-Yuu Youngjae.”
“Youngjae-shii,” Doojoon said and couldn’t help but wondering because the name sounded familiar. Too familiar. “Maybe I can set you for the next meeting, if you’re still interested?”
“I’m...,” Youngjae looked down to his sleeve as if it had an interesting pattern. “I’m actually here for my friend... Can I...can I at least stay until he’s done...?” He lifted up his face sheepishly. “I don’t want to be in the room... Is there any way that I can listen...without letting him know?”
Yoseob frowned disapprovingly. “This is a very private meeting-“
“Wait, Yoseob-ah,” Doojoon interrupted. Yoseob’s frown deepened as Doojoon observed for the male’s expression for a while. “Is this friend special to you?”
Youngjae almost cried. “...very,” he whispered.
“Are you in denial?”
Youngjae looked taken aback at the sudden question. He avoided Doojoon’s gaze by staring at the papers in the older male’s hands and weakly nodded. “Maybe... I don’t know... I...I just want to make sure...”
“Very well,” Doojoon slowly retorted. “You’re gonna stay with Yoseob in the room next to us. But I want you to know that whatever happens in the room is not for public, and I will sue you if any information inside ever leak. Do you understand that?”
Youngjae nodded almost panickly. “I-I understand.”
“Who’s your friend, by the way?”
“Dae-“, Youngjae choked. The name almost felt burnt in his tongue. “Son-Son Daehyun.”
“Son Daehyun?” Doojoon looked surprised.
“Daehyun is your friend?” Yoseob gave him a look.
“Y-yes. Is-is something wrong?”
“Oh, no. It’s just that his parents are our good friends.”
Doojoon eyed Youngjae from head to toe for a moment.
Youngjae squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze, completely understanding that the male was gauzing him. Yoon Doojoon was definitely a professional. He was sure if he lied just a little bit, the male could tell. Youngjae was almost desperate to tell him that his intention was sincere and he was there to understand Daehyun more.
Doojoon finally spoke again after a moment that seemed like ages.
“Very well. Let us go inside, then.”
***
Yoseob brought Youngjae into a small room.
The latter gasped dramatically and almost took a giant step back when he saw Daehyun sitting in a chair, forming a small circle with the others.
“They can’t see you,” Yoseob said, half amused at his reaction. “It’s tinted.”
It took him almost a minute to make sure that Yoseob was telling the truth before stepping back inside the room. The tinted glass made Youngjae felt like Daehyun and the others were in an interrogation room or something (and they were the higher authority officers that had the rights to observe). The male waved his hands frantically to test and Daehyun didn’t even look up. Youngjae blushed slightly at the roll of eyes he earned from Yoseob. He stayed still on his track, eyes fixed intently to his friend-his best friend. It just had been a few days, but Daehyun looked more handsome... Heat crept up some more to his cheeks and he didn’t know since when his heartbeat had quickened at the sight. Youngjae busied himself by taking off of his backpack and sat beside Yoseob. He tried to act casual by clearing his throat.
“What is-what is this room?”
“Observation room.”
“Observ-“
“There are times when the parents would want to listen,” Yoseob explained. “But most of the times, it’s just me.” He opened a notebook in front of him and started scribbling something in it.
“Are you-are you taking notes?”
“Yeah,” Yoseob replied shortly. “We usually don’t record one session counseling...”
“One session...” Youngjae trailed off, recalling Daehyun also said something about it. At least it was short term. He really wouldn’t want Daehyun to go back for another session. “So...what’s it about?”
Yoseob chose not to reply and gestured at the glass with the tip of his pen. “You can just listen.”
Youngjae shifted his gaze back at the group in front of him. At that moment, he saw Doojoon walked into the room and greeted everyone with a calming smile. The thick atmosphere in the group gradually disappeared by his appearance. It was like everyone was hypnotized by his personality and Youngjae absently thought that he would feel calm too, if he were one of the people in the room. Youngjae saw Daehyun broke into a wide grin. A grin that he hadn’t seen lately.
His heart ached.
“My name is Yoon Doojoon,” Doojoon introduced himself after he settled himself on the only seat available. He chatted some more, but Youngjae didn’t really pay attention. All he saw was a certain male with a bright grin. Somehow, he wished it was him who Daehyun flashed his smile for. “...know it’s hard for all of you to come here and share your feelings. Before we begin, I just want to ask you something. How many of you are in a relationship?”
Five of the group slowly raised their hands and Youngjae almost choked because Daehyun was the only one who did nothing.
Doojoon stared at them one by one before smiling at Daehyun. He leaned his back against his chair and crossed his legs. “Alright. Who wants to start first?”
All of them seemed to shift uncomfortably in their chairs. Youngjae kind of understood why-it was always a pain to be the first. To think that it was in a counseling session... The psychologist gave each of them a stern glance once again, as if to gauze their abilities before nodding at a cold looking boy. He flicked his fingers before pointing at him.
“Myungsoo, how about you?”
Myungsoo’s lips twitched as he glared at Doojoon. He was a good looking person, especially with the bold eyeliners. Myungsoo seemed like he was about to protest at the older male but only groaned in the end.
“...fine. I’m Kim Myungsoo.”
The others automatically murmured a soft, “Hi, Myungsoo.”
Myungsoo sighed in resignation as he waved his hand nonchalantly. “Okay. So the reason why I’m into same sex...”
Youngjae’s jaw dropped at the statement and he became speechless. Daehyun came for this kind of counseling?
“...is actually my current boyfriend,” Myungsoo finished lamely by drowning his face in his hands, as if he was embarrassed about it.
Youngjae’s eyes widened. B-boyfriend?
“What did he do?” Doojoon asked softly, encouraging him to go on. He scribbled something on the paper and Youngjae noticed Yoseob did the same, too.
“Nothing,” Myungsoo mumbled. “Sungyeol is just...being himself.”
The entire room was silent, as if to wait for him to finish his sentence. Youngjae gulped.
“He’s the only person who’s not afraid of me,” Myungsoo continued, eyes getting distant as he spoke. “No one in their sane mind would come to me unless they’re looking for trouble. And suddenly...this guy, this tall with a very adorable stupid smile and bubbly personality just came to me asking for directions because he was new to the school and he was lost.”
“That is cute,” someone commented quietly.
“Yeah,” Myungsoo smiled and for a moment, his coldness disappeared. Youngjae thought the boyfriend was definitely incredible (and half insane) for being able to melt someone like Myungsoo.
“And you just fell for him,” Doojoon concluded.
“Not exactly at that moment, but yeah. It took us months, but...yeah. I fell for him.”
“And you don’t want anybody else?”
“No,” Myungsoo looked convinced with his own words as he stared straight at Doojoon. “No, I don’t want anybody else.”
The psychologist smiled kindly and nodded as he scribbled a few more things on the paper. “That is very good, Myungsoo. Very good. Thank you very much.”
Myungsoo turned several shades of red as he palmed his face. It was definitely going to be his first and last confession. The male sagged in his seat and if it was even possible, he probably would have dug the ground and hide forever.
Youngjae felt something bubbled in him. It was a foreign, uncanny feeling. He felt his stomach jolted upside down from the sensation and licked his lips. Fortunately, Yoseob didn’t seem to notice his nervousness.
Or he just pretended not to.
Doojoon tapped his papers with the pen. “Who wants to be next?”
The rest of the group flinched hearing this. Except for Myungsoo and Daehyun, the others seemed to be the passive ones in the relationships (how Youngjae found this out, he had no idea. It was probably just a feeling). Daehyun still looked blank with his arms crossed in his chest. Suddenly, Youngjae wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay long enough to know what he was going to say in the session.
“Luhan...maybe?”
The one named Luhan (who was sitting beside Daehyun) had his eyes widened and blanched in fear. He was pretty, Youngjae took notice. Too pretty, in fact. Youngjae almost found himself biting his lips in envy because he was very pretty and what if Daehyun thought he was attractive-wait, what the hell was he thinking about? Youngjae mentally kicked himself.
“I...”, Luhan whispered as he brought his hands to his chest. He was scared, that much was obvious.
“It’s alright,” Doojoon calmed him down with a soothing smile. “No one’s going to judge or hurt you here. I promise you that.”
Luhan’s hands were trembling as he hugged himself in order to calm down. Youngjae felt sorry for the male because his shoulders were shaking quite roughly. His feeling of sorry almost dissipated into thin air when he saw Daehyun leapt out of his chair to pat his back encouragingly. Luhan looked up gratefully at Daehyun with a weak smile.
Youngjae kind of hated it.
The rest of the room waited until he was ready.
“H-hi, I’m Luhan...”
“Hi, Luhan.”
“I...”, Luhan trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. He swallowed thickly. “...I was raped.”
The room fell into a deep, uncomfortable silence the moment he said that. Youngjae felt himself holding his breath and he really felt sorry this time for the pretty male. If anything, it was probably just Doojoon and Yoseob who looked nonchalant (and continued scribbling on their papers like nothing happened).
“I was raped...by my father.” Luhan’s tone was so painful that Youngjae felt it was tugging his heartstrings apart. “And everyone was just...disgusted over the fact that they just left me. I felt...hurt and all alone and...and Sehun was the only one who stayed. To think that he’s not even a friend of mine. But he...,” the pretty male took a deep breath and hooked his trembling fingers together. “He stayed and he told me that everything was going to be alright.”
“And you believed him,” Daehyun commented.
“I did,” Luhan whispered and shut his eyes in response. “And I’m glad I did...”
Doojoon pressed his pen against his lips. “You said he’s not even a friend of yours.”
“Yes...he’s a friend of my cousin. It’s just pathetic to know that my cousin, my own family left me, but he didn’t,” Luhan grimaced darkly and sighed. “It’s been a few months though... And Sehun is still there for me. I’m just very grateful. You know, they say time heals everything. But I’d just like to think that Sehun heals me...even though he’s a few years younger. I feel very loved...and I think, no, it’s definitely him. It’s okay because it’s him.”
“And you don’t want anybody else?”
“No,” Luhan whispered and shook his head firmly. “No.”
Doojoon nodded to himself and wrote something on the paper. He looked up with a kind smile. “You did very good, Luhan. You did good. Thank you.”
Daehyun leaned to Luhan’s side to give him a handkerchief. The latter thanked him sincerely before using the given cloth to wipe his tears.
Suddenly, Youngjae felt like crying too.
“We’re gonna take ten,” Doojoon announced as he stood up. “You guys can go grab a drink or something.”
***
“Are you alright?”
Youngjae snapped out of his thoughts when Yoseob offered him a glass of water. He blinked a few times before accepting the kind offer. “Thank you. Yeah... I think so.”
“The first time is always bad,” Yoseob commented with a smile. “You know, we hired an intern a few months back, and Sohyun was like crying her eyes off the whole week.”
“I-I see...well, I guess it’s good that I’m only here for today.”
Yoseob didn’t seem amused by his (definitely a failed) joke.
Youngjae downed half of his glass to drop the subject and to distract his eyes from Daehyun (which was harder to do). He felt something akin to jealousy bubbled in him out of nowhere, because now Daehyun and Luhan were talking like they had been best friends for ten years. It was overreacting, of course. They were just talking normally but Youngjae felt like banging on the glass to let him know that he was...
He was...what?
Youngjae wanted to cry because he didn’t understand all of his feelings.
***
When the second session started, Daehyun still hadn’t gotten his turn.
The next one was Park Kyung’s turn.
It turned out that Kyung was abandoned by his family the moment they found out about his relationship. His family was devoted Christians and apparently, loathed the idea of the same sex relationship. Kyung was torn apart between his family and his boyfriend and it was a really hard time for him, there were times when he even thought of killing himself. Youngjae felt himself rubbing his own hands too tightly because he couldn’t imagine all of the pain the male had been through. In the end, it was his boyfriend (someone named Jiho), who told him that it couldn’t be help when it came to the religion. But it also couldn’t be help when it came to feelings.
Kyung learned to accept himself after that. Families were important, but his love was also important.
Youngjae felt like he had been slapped hard on the cheek.
Love was also important.
What about friendship, then?
Is it also important?
Unlike the others, Lee Minhyuk shared his confession without burden. He said that his mother was fine about him being gay. Minhyuk only lived with his mother, because his father had left his family for another woman when he was still little. He was grateful for everything that his mother had done for him. Minhyuk realized his love growing for a close friend and he tried to fight it off because-cliche, he didn’t want to disappoint his mother. The battle with his inner self had been going for a few months and then Minhyuk couldn’t take it anymore. The male cried for mercy by his mother’s foot and confessed to him that he wasn’t straight. It turned out that his mother had realized it from the start that he had a gay son.
Kyung stared at Minhyuk enviously (“How come it was easy for her to accept it?”) and the latter seriously told the former that he should probably meet her sometimes. Because even though he had no idea what Kyung had been through, at least he would know what it felt like to have an accepting mother. Realizing that he had strayed from the real topic, Minhyuk explained that he longed for a fatherly figure.
And Eunkwang gave him just fine.
Lee Chanhee’s story was probably the shortest one between them all. He only explained shortly that ‘real friends would only reveal when you have nothing’. He recalled of having a lot of friends because his father had fame and a lot of money. But when his family went bankrupt due to an unfortunate event, they all left him. So much for ‘forever friends’, Chanhee said bitterly and he wasn’t able to hold back the tears. Byunghyun, his boyfriend, was the only one who stayed despite everything that happened. It was then that he knew what they had was real.
Their friendship evolved into something deeper and not even once Chanhee regretted it.
Chanhee’s confession got Youngjae to think. It almost felt like another hard slap on his cheek because he and Daehyun had been exclaiming ‘friends forever’ since they were kids, and they promised they wouldn’t leave each other in good and bad times-but look at what happened. Youngjae loosely curled his fingers on his lap and stared longingly at his best friend in the other room.
If, they could be considered best friends anymore.
Doojoon announced for another ten and Youngjae gulped because next it was Daehyun’s turn. His heart suddenly went wild at the thought of Daehyun’s confession. What was he going to say? What was he going to share? And most importantly, what the hell was Youngjae doing here? He was supposed to be at the singing lesson and obviously not in some sort of strange building, listening to a random group counseling session.
It bothered Youngjae so much that he started to shift in his seat.
Did he really want to know?
Should he just run away and never look back?
Would everything go back to the way it used to?
Youngjae sucked in deep breath in an effort to calm down and Yoseob seemed to notice his anxiousness. His hands went cold as ice and he couldn’t stop moving. Youngjae was panicking.
The older of the two stared at him deeply for quite a while before speaking.
“Youngjae-shii.”
Youngjae turned to him. “Y-yes?”
“It’s not too late to walk out.”
Youngjae deadpanned. Was he that obvious? (But wait, who was he trying to fool? Of course Yoseob would know.)
“It will be, though, after you hear his confession.”
Youngjae only stared in response. He was unsure of what to do. A thousand things swam through his mind, telling him of what to do and what not to do, but he wasn’t sure. Although what Yoseob said was right. It wasn’t too late to walk out now.
But...
Doojoon’s voice throughout the speaker reminded him that the session was starting again and Youngjae’s expression let Yoseob know that he wasn’t going to change his mind. Youngjae was determined to stay. He wanted to stay. For Daehyun. For himself.
For them.
Yoseob smiled before turning his attention back to his notebook.
“Lastly, it’s Daehyun’s turn,” Doojoon said and everyone turned to him. “You’re the only one who’s not in a relationship yet, Daehyun-ah. After hearing all of these stories, do you understand what they and you have been through?”
Daehyun subtly nodded. His voice was laced with bravery as he spoke. “Yes.”
“Very good,” Doojoon placed his pen on the papers on his lap, as if he didn’t need to write anything for the last sharing and motioned Daehyun to start.
Without him realizing, Youngjae rose from his seat and walked closer to the tinted window. He unconsciously pressed a hand against the cold material. His Daehyun was talking.
“I’m Son Daehyun.”
“Hi, Daehyun.”
“The reason why I’m gay...”, Daehyun started and shrugged. “Well, it should be reasons. There are two, actually. One, it’s my parents.”
Youngjae’s lips curved upward.
“I have two fathers,” Daehyun said and he seemed very proud with the fact. Youngjae saw Doojoon broke into a smile. “I know. You guys must think that it’s strange. Parents are supposed to consist of a male and a female, but my parents...they’re the best. I can’t ask for anything more.”
Youngjae snorted into soft giggles. Being the closest friend, he knew how fond Daehyun was of his umma. The older between the two could get into a fight if someone ever bad mouthed his mother (and he always won). And Daehyun would never admit it as easily as his love confession to his umma, but he was definitely proud of his appa (and sometimes willing to get into a fight with the older male just to snatch his umma’s attention).
“My parents are in love,” Daehyun continued. “They’re very giving. My appa is the protective one while my umma is the loving, giving one. I grew up with no mother, but Kikwang umma was always there for me. He was always there to hold my hand. He was always there to tell me that storm is something I shouldn’t be scared of. He was always there to hug me. My appa is the best father and husband in the whole world. There are not enough words to describe him. We’re a family. We’re happy. And it was enough for me because I don’t need anyone else but them.”
Youngjae was quiet. Everyone else also seemed to be absorbed into the story.
“I want what they have.”
“You want what they have,” Doojoon repeated slowly.
Daehyun nodded firmly. “Yeah.”
Doojoon intertwined his fingers together and leaned forward. “And the second reason?”
Daehyun’s lips bloomed into a fond smile. It contained more emotions that the one he had when he talking about his parents. Much, much more.
“Yuu Youngjae.”
Youngjae almost whimpered.
“My best friend...no, my everything.”
“And why is he important to you?”
Daehyun went blank at Doojoon’s question. Youngjae found himself holding his breath for the umpteenth time. His heart was pounding loudly against his ribcage as he waited for the answer. He almost felt sorry for his heart because it had been working too hard for today. Youngjae bit his lip as he placed a hand on his chest.
Why am I important to you, Daehyunie?
“He was the first one to know that I have two fathers.”
“And he was alright with it?”
“He was fine.”
Yoseob grinned meaningfully at Youngjae but the latter was too caught up in staring at Daehyun.
“I thought he was going to leave,” Daehyun said reluctantly. “But he didn’t. And we became best friends. He became an important part in my life that I...I didn’t know when exactly did I fall in love with him. All I know is that I’m not going to last without him.”
Youngjae put a hand on his mouth and his tears were threatening to fall.
“But then it happened. We kissed-I mean, I kissed him. And then everything just...fell apart. I ruined it. I ruined our friendship. I shouldn’t have thought that the feeling was mutual-he could just think of me as a friend and nothing more...” Daehyun paused as he reminisced. “When it happened, his eyes were full of...God, I’m not sure. Maybe it was hatred. Maybe it was...disgust. And after that, he just...completely avoided me.”
Youngjae finally let out a whimper and weakly fell to his knees. “Dae...”
“Maybe I...maybe I should take things slowly. Maybe I should tell him first instead of kissing him...”
“Youngjae-shii, are you alright?” Yoseob closed the notebook infront of him before rushing to Youngjae’s side.
Daehyun felt a hand on his and he looked up to see Luhan smiling encouragingly at him.
“It’s-it’s okay,” Luhan said sincerely.
“Daehyun,” Youngjae cried painfully with a hand clutching his chest. “Daehyun, he...”
“But I don’t want us to-“ Daehyun almost hissed and quickly took a hold of himself. It wasn’t fair to be angry to someone else about his feelings. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially not Luhan or the others in the room. Not anymore. “I mean...it’s-it’s not okay...”
“Have you talked to him?” Minhyuk asked softly.
“Yeah,” Chanhee nodded in agreement.
“You should talk to him to clear things up...” Kyung added quietly.
“What? What’s wrong with Daehyun?” Yoseob asked softly, knowing that Youngjae had already found out the answer.
“Even though the worst thing to happen is that he stops being your friend,” Myungsoo said and everyone turned to glare at him. “What? I’m just stating the truth. Friends to lovers are alright. Best friends to lovers, I’m not so sure about that.”
Daehyun shifted his eyes from Myungsoo to Doojoon. He wasn’t really sure what was happening, but somehow he felt glad from all of the support that he got.
The handsome psychologist smiled at him and clapped his hands.
“You did very well, Daehyun-ah. You did very well.”
Doojoon looked down to his papers before standing up with a warm smile.
“Nothing is wrong,” Youngjae sobbed and stared at Daehyun, hoping that he would be able to see him. But he couldn’t. “I just love him so much...”
“Thank you very much for sharing today, guys.”
Yoseob smiled in understanding. “That’s the reason you’re here, Youngjae-shii.”
***
Daehyun couldn’t tell how relieved he was to get it off of his chest.
He was glad he joined the one time session. It just came as a suggestion when he told Doojoon that he was having boy trouble. The male offered him to join-he needed another person anyway-and Daehyun had agreed out of nothing. But the good thing was that Daehyun also made new friends. Even though they just knew each other-an hour ago to be exact-but the experience made them felt like they had been friends for a long time.
Kyung was the first one to leave. He looked very happy when Jiho came into sight and left after waving to everyone. Chanhee and Myungsoo were the next ones to bid goodbye. Byunghyun and Sungyeol had dropped by and Daehyun felt a bit jealous at them because they all had a special someone. It was much better to go through this kind of experience with someone than alone...
Minhyuk’s boyfriend appeared a few moments after to pick him up and both Luhan and Daehyun had to keep their jaws from falling. Eunkwang looked mature (and yeah he had enough fatherly image alright) and looked perfect together with the beautiful male. They left with their fingers intertwining.
They all looked very happy.
It got Daehyun to smile bitterly at the view.
“So...I guess I’ll see you around,” Luhan tucked his phone back into his pocket after saving Daehyun’s number. He pondered for a while before tilting his head to a side. “You know, if your friend ever rejects you...just call me? No, I’m not gonna flirt with you,” the male rolled his eyes at Daehyun’s expression. “I have a lot of friends. Although um, most of them are taken already, but...I’ll try finding the one who’s still single and well, uh, you’ll never know until you try, right?”
Daehyun laughed in amusement and flicked Luhan’s arm playfully. “That’s very kind of you, Luhan-hyung. Although... I doubt that I will ever get over Youngjae. But thank you.”
Luhan rubbed the spot that Daehyun had just hit. “Alright. It’s just a thought, though.”
Daehyun’s expression turned into guilt for hitting such a skinny male. “Nice meeting you, by the way.”
“Nice meeting you too,” Luhan smiled and shrieked happily when he spotted his boyfriend at the corner. “That’s my Sehun. See you, Daehyun-ah!”
Daehyun waved Luhan goodbye and he bowed to Sehun who gave him a simple smile. Luhan flew into his boyfriend’s arms happily and walked away with a wide smile. Daehyun stared at them for a moment. Sehun’s fond stare to Luhan reminded him of his to Youngjae.
Do you even know that I’m crazy for you, Youngjae-yah?
It would be nice if he and Youngjae could be like that. He wanted them to have the same connection, the same chemistry that his parents had-and probably what Luhan and Sehun had, too. The male offhandedly fished both of his hands into his pockets with a heavy sigh and transferred his weight to another foot. He wanted to talk to Youngjae. Daehyun casted a glance down at his wristwatch and realized that it was probably best for him to go home. It would be just awkward for him to call Youngjae right then and tell him he wanted to talk-
“Daehyunie.”
Daehyun spun around in surprise because he recognized the voice instantly. “Y-Youngjae-yah? Aren’t you supposed to be in your singing lesson?”
It wasn’t the brightest thing to say at the moment and Daehyun felt like berating himself mentally. He was actually more than happy to know Youngjae was there standing in front of him. Who cared about singing lesson? Youngjae looked shaken and it caused a pang in Daehyun’s heart. The latter decided to ask something else-something more rational.
“Youngjae-yah, why are you here?”
“I...”
Youngjae felt himself was so full of emotions that he couldn’t say anything. He felt utterly ashamed for not being able to support Daehyun for everything that he had been through. Some ‘best friend’ he was.
Daehyun was still staring at him with genuine concern. “Hey...what’s wrong?”
Youngjae almost burst out crying. His breath was starting to get ragged and Daehyun’s stare made him weak. Youngjae decided that if he couldn’t say anything to show what he felt, at least his actions would.
He leaned forward to kiss his best friend.
Daehyun was shocked from the sudden gesture that he was unable to do anything about it. Instinctively, the former brought his hand to grab Youngjae’s chin. Youngjae thought Daehyun would push him away, he shut his eyes in fear, preparing himself for what was coming, but his fingers stayed there.
Youngjae was the first one to break the kiss because he wasn’t good at this. It was new, he bashfully thought. He felt inexperienced and naive-and he needed air. The kiss ended too quickly to Daehyun’s liking, but the obvious tears in Youngjae’s eyes managed to snap Daehyun’s strength back. Even though they got separated, but their lips were still close. Daehyun could feel Youngjae’s warm breath on his lips and it felt great.
Daehyun ran a hand on his best...he wasn’t sure of their relationship anymore. All he knew that this person was very important in his life and he needed anyone else. “Youngjae-yah...?”
“I’m sorry,” Youngjae whispered as he buried his head on Daehyun’s shoulder. “I was scared...”
Daehyun instinctively closed his eyes as he pulled Youngjae closer into a hug. God, it felt so right to have the younger male in his arms.
Finally, finally.
Daehyun pressed his lips lightly against Youngjae’s hair. He smelled the same scent of Youngjae’s favorite shampoo. “But...why are you scared?”
Can I think that you are mine?
“Because I treasure you so much,” Youngjae whispered in exasperation as he grabbed a handful fist of the end of Daehyun’s shirt. “And the kiss...it just kinda changed everything...”
“I know,” Daehyun murmured. “I’m sorry...”
“It’s okay,” Youngjae looked up shyly. “Daehyunie...?”
“Hm?”
“So you...so you don’t want anybody else?”
Daehyun’s eyes widened.
Youngjae could see the obvious surprise reflected on the beautiful orbs, and he was probably going to have to explain everything later, but right now, he just needed to know.
“No,” Daehyun replied and Youngjae’s heart almost stopped beating as the former leaned forward to crash their lips together. “No, I don’t want anybody else but you, Yuu Youngjae...”
End.
“Doojoonie, is it working?”
“I never thought I’d say this, but surprisingly, yes.”
“Oh my God. It’s working? He’s...scarily awesome.”
“I know. I think it’s...from Woonie?’
“Or...from Kikwang? Or...well, we never got to meet Gina-noona though. Maybe it’s from her. Oh, you never told me how all of this happened in the first place, anyway.”
“Well...when Daehyun came to me and told me he got boy trouble and that he had a plan about it, I would have never thought it would work. I mean...it’s a slim chance for Youngjae to be convinced to come...but he did. I guess they’re really close that Daehyun could even guess how Youngjae would act.”
“...scarily awesome. I think Daehyun’s a bit stubborn, though. He was the one who told you that you needed to repeat ‘so you don’t want anybody else’ right Doojoonie, as a sign to let him know if Youngjae was there.”
“Yeah. Stubborn definitely comes from Dongwoon, alright.”
“That, I agree. He’s definitely Dongwoon’s son.”
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing(s): DaeJae, slight!DooSeob (too many crossovers aahhh my feels)
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Youngjae chose to hear Daehyun’s reasons before deciding.
Author’s Note: I am a failure. I am sorry T_T Unbeta-ed. Please, no translations allowed!
[Natural]
It had been a long day.
Youngjae only had one class for the day, but there was something unusual about it that made time seemingly frozen.
The bell rang loudly and it snapped Youngjae out of his reverie. He blinked around in confusion at the emptiness, because usually someone would flick his arm playfully and told him that daydreaming time was over. Youngjae looked down to his hands. He was sitting all by himself today. It felt strange. It was like something was missing from his side... The male sighed heavily as he stood up. He couldn’t seem to absorb today’s material even though it was supposed to be easier to concentrate, because there was no Daehyun to disturb him (and his effort to study).
Daehyun.
Youngjae was startled by a familiar voice with a familiar accent. The male peered over his shoulder only to find Daehyun laughing (almost too happily) with one of their classmates. He pursed his lips as he slowly packed his books into his bag, eyes never left Daehyun. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he was finally able to tear his gaze off of the older male and turned his head to the bag before him.
He remembered.
It had been a few days since they stopped talking.
Youngjae never expected it would hurt like this. If it was only a fight, eventually one of them would apologize, no matter who was at fault and everything would get back to normal. If it was only a small fight, their silent treatment would only last for a day-two days max-because they would find their way back to each other. If it was only a fight...Daehyun wouldn’t laugh with someone else just to make him jealous (because really, the male was rarely seen with another person than Youngjae).
Youngjae shook his head almost roughly to pry his mind off of the certain male. He carelessly shouldered his backpack, shifting it slightly before turning around to leave-
-and was greeted with Daehyun’s solemn stare.
His heart missed a beat and Youngjae almost forgot how to breathe. Subconsciously, his grip tightened on the strap. Youngjae slowly let go of the breath he had been holding in attempt to calm down, but the tension was making him harder to breathe. I should probably smile, he thought panickly but then gulping instead because it was just too awkward to do so. Youngjae’s lips quivered as he opened his mouth to say something, but Daehyun beat him to it first.
“Hey.”
Hi.
I miss you.
Do you miss me too?
Youngjae hesitantly looked down. “H-hey...”
“I-“ Daehyun paused. The handsome male lifted his hand sheepishly to scratch his head. “You know, I always tell you everything. And it’s been strange not to tell you anything lately.”
Youngjae only stared. The male was right. They talked so much like there was no tomorrow, there was barely any secret between them that it just felt strange-and empty-when they stopped doing it.
“So uh... I’m just gonna inform you that I’m going to, uh...this group counseling.”
Youngjae’s stare at Daehyun was blank, but it was obvious that his expression was a mixture of relief and confusion. Relieved because Daehyun still felt the same way as him and confused because-
“G-group counseling?”
“Yeah.”
“I-I don’t understand-“
“Just a session, though,” Daehyun shrugged nonchalantly. “Today’s theme is just to confess the first time we realize that...”, he trailed off and cleared his throat. “Anyway, I just... I feel like letting it all go. All of this,” he tapped his own chest lightly.
“B-but counseling session?”
Daehyun exhaled through his nose and looked down. “Youngjae-yah... I’m sorry.”
“What-what are you sorry about?”
Daehyun directed his eyes to his watch. “I think I should go now, I don’t want to make Uncle Doojoon waits too long for me. ...I guess I’ll talk to you later?”
They hadn’t talked in a few days, so it was probably just a preamble-or worse, a lie-to end the awkwardness between them. Would they even talk again later? Nonetheless, Youngjae found himself nodding slowly and Daehyun left with a simple smile. The brunette threw him one last look before leaving for sure. Youngjae faintly acknowledged his footsteps as they faded into the silence.
Uncle Doojoon.
Youngjae knew the name. Heck, he knew everyone who was involved in Daehyun’s family. Doojoon was a well known licensed psychologist in town and a very good friend of Daehyun’s parents. Although they had never met before, the name was pretty much mentioned in daily conversations. Youngjae sunk his teeth between his lips. It somehow pained him that Daehyun had the need to attend a counseling session just to let everything off of his chest... If he needed a friend to talk to, why did Daehyun have to go all the way to him? He could’ve just talked to him instead...
The younger male hung his head dejectedly.
We’re not best friends anymore...are we, Daehyunie?
Youngjae glanced at his watch. He had a singing lesson after school, but how could he sing with such feeling? He hadn’t been himself lately...
But maybe he wasn’t the only one.
Maybe Daehyun was, too.
Youngjae pressed his lips into a thin line before deciding that he was going to follow his best friend for the day.
***
A soft knock let Doojoon know that someone was at the door and he hummed as a reply.
“Doojoonie, everyone is here.”
Doojoon looked up from his papers and gave his assistant slash boyfriend a gentle smile. “Wonderful. Thank you, Yoseob-ah. I shall be there in a minute.”
Yoseob usually wouldn’t wait for the older male, but this time he did. He tilted his head cutely by the doorway. “Doojoonie?”
“Hm?”
“Are you sure it’s okay for Daehyun to...”
Doojoon double checked all of the papers he needed as he stood up. His gaze softened at Yoseob, as if to tell him that he understood what he meant. “It’s his wish to try. And he needs to know that he’s not alone.”
Yoseob bit his nail as he gazed back. “I just hope that Dongwoon won’t kill you later. If he knows you’re coaxing his son to attend this kind of thing...”
Doojoon snatched an empty cup on his way to the door and planted a chaste kiss on Yoseob’s lips. “Dongwoon’s fine. I’m more afraid of Kikwang, though. He’s scarier than Dongwoon when he’s angry.”
Yoseob shuddered at the horrible thought. Doojoon laughed earnestly beside him as they stepped out of the room and Yoseob closed the door behind them. “It’s not funny, Doojoonie! Well, let’s just be sure that-“
“Excuse me!”
Both Doojoon and Yoseob turned their heads to the young male that had just called out. It seemed like he had been running all the way there because he was breathless. None of them said a thing until the male regained his breath back. Doojoon sent him a smile before kindly replying.
“Yes?”
“I-“, the male looked hesitant, his hand curled loosely on his chin. “I’m here for the counseling...?”
Yoseob shot Doojoon a questioning look. “Baby, I thought you said there would only be six?”
“Of course. We’re sorry, but we only limit six persons for one meeting,” Doojoon smiled apologetically at the young male. “You are...?”
“Y-Yuu Youngjae.”
“Youngjae-shii,” Doojoon said and couldn’t help but wondering because the name sounded familiar. Too familiar. “Maybe I can set you for the next meeting, if you’re still interested?”
“I’m...,” Youngjae looked down to his sleeve as if it had an interesting pattern. “I’m actually here for my friend... Can I...can I at least stay until he’s done...?” He lifted up his face sheepishly. “I don’t want to be in the room... Is there any way that I can listen...without letting him know?”
Yoseob frowned disapprovingly. “This is a very private meeting-“
“Wait, Yoseob-ah,” Doojoon interrupted. Yoseob’s frown deepened as Doojoon observed for the male’s expression for a while. “Is this friend special to you?”
Youngjae almost cried. “...very,” he whispered.
“Are you in denial?”
Youngjae looked taken aback at the sudden question. He avoided Doojoon’s gaze by staring at the papers in the older male’s hands and weakly nodded. “Maybe... I don’t know... I...I just want to make sure...”
“Very well,” Doojoon slowly retorted. “You’re gonna stay with Yoseob in the room next to us. But I want you to know that whatever happens in the room is not for public, and I will sue you if any information inside ever leak. Do you understand that?”
Youngjae nodded almost panickly. “I-I understand.”
“Who’s your friend, by the way?”
“Dae-“, Youngjae choked. The name almost felt burnt in his tongue. “Son-Son Daehyun.”
“Son Daehyun?” Doojoon looked surprised.
“Daehyun is your friend?” Yoseob gave him a look.
“Y-yes. Is-is something wrong?”
“Oh, no. It’s just that his parents are our good friends.”
Doojoon eyed Youngjae from head to toe for a moment.
Youngjae squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze, completely understanding that the male was gauzing him. Yoon Doojoon was definitely a professional. He was sure if he lied just a little bit, the male could tell. Youngjae was almost desperate to tell him that his intention was sincere and he was there to understand Daehyun more.
Doojoon finally spoke again after a moment that seemed like ages.
“Very well. Let us go inside, then.”
***
Yoseob brought Youngjae into a small room.
The latter gasped dramatically and almost took a giant step back when he saw Daehyun sitting in a chair, forming a small circle with the others.
“They can’t see you,” Yoseob said, half amused at his reaction. “It’s tinted.”
It took him almost a minute to make sure that Yoseob was telling the truth before stepping back inside the room. The tinted glass made Youngjae felt like Daehyun and the others were in an interrogation room or something (and they were the higher authority officers that had the rights to observe). The male waved his hands frantically to test and Daehyun didn’t even look up. Youngjae blushed slightly at the roll of eyes he earned from Yoseob. He stayed still on his track, eyes fixed intently to his friend-his best friend. It just had been a few days, but Daehyun looked more handsome... Heat crept up some more to his cheeks and he didn’t know since when his heartbeat had quickened at the sight. Youngjae busied himself by taking off of his backpack and sat beside Yoseob. He tried to act casual by clearing his throat.
“What is-what is this room?”
“Observation room.”
“Observ-“
“There are times when the parents would want to listen,” Yoseob explained. “But most of the times, it’s just me.” He opened a notebook in front of him and started scribbling something in it.
“Are you-are you taking notes?”
“Yeah,” Yoseob replied shortly. “We usually don’t record one session counseling...”
“One session...” Youngjae trailed off, recalling Daehyun also said something about it. At least it was short term. He really wouldn’t want Daehyun to go back for another session. “So...what’s it about?”
Yoseob chose not to reply and gestured at the glass with the tip of his pen. “You can just listen.”
Youngjae shifted his gaze back at the group in front of him. At that moment, he saw Doojoon walked into the room and greeted everyone with a calming smile. The thick atmosphere in the group gradually disappeared by his appearance. It was like everyone was hypnotized by his personality and Youngjae absently thought that he would feel calm too, if he were one of the people in the room. Youngjae saw Daehyun broke into a wide grin. A grin that he hadn’t seen lately.
His heart ached.
“My name is Yoon Doojoon,” Doojoon introduced himself after he settled himself on the only seat available. He chatted some more, but Youngjae didn’t really pay attention. All he saw was a certain male with a bright grin. Somehow, he wished it was him who Daehyun flashed his smile for. “...know it’s hard for all of you to come here and share your feelings. Before we begin, I just want to ask you something. How many of you are in a relationship?”
Five of the group slowly raised their hands and Youngjae almost choked because Daehyun was the only one who did nothing.
Doojoon stared at them one by one before smiling at Daehyun. He leaned his back against his chair and crossed his legs. “Alright. Who wants to start first?”
All of them seemed to shift uncomfortably in their chairs. Youngjae kind of understood why-it was always a pain to be the first. To think that it was in a counseling session... The psychologist gave each of them a stern glance once again, as if to gauze their abilities before nodding at a cold looking boy. He flicked his fingers before pointing at him.
“Myungsoo, how about you?”
Myungsoo’s lips twitched as he glared at Doojoon. He was a good looking person, especially with the bold eyeliners. Myungsoo seemed like he was about to protest at the older male but only groaned in the end.
“...fine. I’m Kim Myungsoo.”
The others automatically murmured a soft, “Hi, Myungsoo.”
Myungsoo sighed in resignation as he waved his hand nonchalantly. “Okay. So the reason why I’m into same sex...”
Youngjae’s jaw dropped at the statement and he became speechless. Daehyun came for this kind of counseling?
“...is actually my current boyfriend,” Myungsoo finished lamely by drowning his face in his hands, as if he was embarrassed about it.
Youngjae’s eyes widened. B-boyfriend?
“What did he do?” Doojoon asked softly, encouraging him to go on. He scribbled something on the paper and Youngjae noticed Yoseob did the same, too.
“Nothing,” Myungsoo mumbled. “Sungyeol is just...being himself.”
The entire room was silent, as if to wait for him to finish his sentence. Youngjae gulped.
“He’s the only person who’s not afraid of me,” Myungsoo continued, eyes getting distant as he spoke. “No one in their sane mind would come to me unless they’re looking for trouble. And suddenly...this guy, this tall with a very adorable stupid smile and bubbly personality just came to me asking for directions because he was new to the school and he was lost.”
“That is cute,” someone commented quietly.
“Yeah,” Myungsoo smiled and for a moment, his coldness disappeared. Youngjae thought the boyfriend was definitely incredible (and half insane) for being able to melt someone like Myungsoo.
“And you just fell for him,” Doojoon concluded.
“Not exactly at that moment, but yeah. It took us months, but...yeah. I fell for him.”
“And you don’t want anybody else?”
“No,” Myungsoo looked convinced with his own words as he stared straight at Doojoon. “No, I don’t want anybody else.”
The psychologist smiled kindly and nodded as he scribbled a few more things on the paper. “That is very good, Myungsoo. Very good. Thank you very much.”
Myungsoo turned several shades of red as he palmed his face. It was definitely going to be his first and last confession. The male sagged in his seat and if it was even possible, he probably would have dug the ground and hide forever.
Youngjae felt something bubbled in him. It was a foreign, uncanny feeling. He felt his stomach jolted upside down from the sensation and licked his lips. Fortunately, Yoseob didn’t seem to notice his nervousness.
Or he just pretended not to.
Doojoon tapped his papers with the pen. “Who wants to be next?”
The rest of the group flinched hearing this. Except for Myungsoo and Daehyun, the others seemed to be the passive ones in the relationships (how Youngjae found this out, he had no idea. It was probably just a feeling). Daehyun still looked blank with his arms crossed in his chest. Suddenly, Youngjae wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay long enough to know what he was going to say in the session.
“Luhan...maybe?”
The one named Luhan (who was sitting beside Daehyun) had his eyes widened and blanched in fear. He was pretty, Youngjae took notice. Too pretty, in fact. Youngjae almost found himself biting his lips in envy because he was very pretty and what if Daehyun thought he was attractive-wait, what the hell was he thinking about? Youngjae mentally kicked himself.
“I...”, Luhan whispered as he brought his hands to his chest. He was scared, that much was obvious.
“It’s alright,” Doojoon calmed him down with a soothing smile. “No one’s going to judge or hurt you here. I promise you that.”
Luhan’s hands were trembling as he hugged himself in order to calm down. Youngjae felt sorry for the male because his shoulders were shaking quite roughly. His feeling of sorry almost dissipated into thin air when he saw Daehyun leapt out of his chair to pat his back encouragingly. Luhan looked up gratefully at Daehyun with a weak smile.
Youngjae kind of hated it.
The rest of the room waited until he was ready.
“H-hi, I’m Luhan...”
“Hi, Luhan.”
“I...”, Luhan trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. He swallowed thickly. “...I was raped.”
The room fell into a deep, uncomfortable silence the moment he said that. Youngjae felt himself holding his breath and he really felt sorry this time for the pretty male. If anything, it was probably just Doojoon and Yoseob who looked nonchalant (and continued scribbling on their papers like nothing happened).
“I was raped...by my father.” Luhan’s tone was so painful that Youngjae felt it was tugging his heartstrings apart. “And everyone was just...disgusted over the fact that they just left me. I felt...hurt and all alone and...and Sehun was the only one who stayed. To think that he’s not even a friend of mine. But he...,” the pretty male took a deep breath and hooked his trembling fingers together. “He stayed and he told me that everything was going to be alright.”
“And you believed him,” Daehyun commented.
“I did,” Luhan whispered and shut his eyes in response. “And I’m glad I did...”
Doojoon pressed his pen against his lips. “You said he’s not even a friend of yours.”
“Yes...he’s a friend of my cousin. It’s just pathetic to know that my cousin, my own family left me, but he didn’t,” Luhan grimaced darkly and sighed. “It’s been a few months though... And Sehun is still there for me. I’m just very grateful. You know, they say time heals everything. But I’d just like to think that Sehun heals me...even though he’s a few years younger. I feel very loved...and I think, no, it’s definitely him. It’s okay because it’s him.”
“And you don’t want anybody else?”
“No,” Luhan whispered and shook his head firmly. “No.”
Doojoon nodded to himself and wrote something on the paper. He looked up with a kind smile. “You did very good, Luhan. You did good. Thank you.”
Daehyun leaned to Luhan’s side to give him a handkerchief. The latter thanked him sincerely before using the given cloth to wipe his tears.
Suddenly, Youngjae felt like crying too.
“We’re gonna take ten,” Doojoon announced as he stood up. “You guys can go grab a drink or something.”
***
“Are you alright?”
Youngjae snapped out of his thoughts when Yoseob offered him a glass of water. He blinked a few times before accepting the kind offer. “Thank you. Yeah... I think so.”
“The first time is always bad,” Yoseob commented with a smile. “You know, we hired an intern a few months back, and Sohyun was like crying her eyes off the whole week.”
“I-I see...well, I guess it’s good that I’m only here for today.”
Yoseob didn’t seem amused by his (definitely a failed) joke.
Youngjae downed half of his glass to drop the subject and to distract his eyes from Daehyun (which was harder to do). He felt something akin to jealousy bubbled in him out of nowhere, because now Daehyun and Luhan were talking like they had been best friends for ten years. It was overreacting, of course. They were just talking normally but Youngjae felt like banging on the glass to let him know that he was...
He was...what?
Youngjae wanted to cry because he didn’t understand all of his feelings.
***
When the second session started, Daehyun still hadn’t gotten his turn.
The next one was Park Kyung’s turn.
It turned out that Kyung was abandoned by his family the moment they found out about his relationship. His family was devoted Christians and apparently, loathed the idea of the same sex relationship. Kyung was torn apart between his family and his boyfriend and it was a really hard time for him, there were times when he even thought of killing himself. Youngjae felt himself rubbing his own hands too tightly because he couldn’t imagine all of the pain the male had been through. In the end, it was his boyfriend (someone named Jiho), who told him that it couldn’t be help when it came to the religion. But it also couldn’t be help when it came to feelings.
Kyung learned to accept himself after that. Families were important, but his love was also important.
Youngjae felt like he had been slapped hard on the cheek.
Love was also important.
What about friendship, then?
Is it also important?
Unlike the others, Lee Minhyuk shared his confession without burden. He said that his mother was fine about him being gay. Minhyuk only lived with his mother, because his father had left his family for another woman when he was still little. He was grateful for everything that his mother had done for him. Minhyuk realized his love growing for a close friend and he tried to fight it off because-cliche, he didn’t want to disappoint his mother. The battle with his inner self had been going for a few months and then Minhyuk couldn’t take it anymore. The male cried for mercy by his mother’s foot and confessed to him that he wasn’t straight. It turned out that his mother had realized it from the start that he had a gay son.
Kyung stared at Minhyuk enviously (“How come it was easy for her to accept it?”) and the latter seriously told the former that he should probably meet her sometimes. Because even though he had no idea what Kyung had been through, at least he would know what it felt like to have an accepting mother. Realizing that he had strayed from the real topic, Minhyuk explained that he longed for a fatherly figure.
And Eunkwang gave him just fine.
Lee Chanhee’s story was probably the shortest one between them all. He only explained shortly that ‘real friends would only reveal when you have nothing’. He recalled of having a lot of friends because his father had fame and a lot of money. But when his family went bankrupt due to an unfortunate event, they all left him. So much for ‘forever friends’, Chanhee said bitterly and he wasn’t able to hold back the tears. Byunghyun, his boyfriend, was the only one who stayed despite everything that happened. It was then that he knew what they had was real.
Their friendship evolved into something deeper and not even once Chanhee regretted it.
Chanhee’s confession got Youngjae to think. It almost felt like another hard slap on his cheek because he and Daehyun had been exclaiming ‘friends forever’ since they were kids, and they promised they wouldn’t leave each other in good and bad times-but look at what happened. Youngjae loosely curled his fingers on his lap and stared longingly at his best friend in the other room.
If, they could be considered best friends anymore.
Doojoon announced for another ten and Youngjae gulped because next it was Daehyun’s turn. His heart suddenly went wild at the thought of Daehyun’s confession. What was he going to say? What was he going to share? And most importantly, what the hell was Youngjae doing here? He was supposed to be at the singing lesson and obviously not in some sort of strange building, listening to a random group counseling session.
It bothered Youngjae so much that he started to shift in his seat.
Did he really want to know?
Should he just run away and never look back?
Would everything go back to the way it used to?
Youngjae sucked in deep breath in an effort to calm down and Yoseob seemed to notice his anxiousness. His hands went cold as ice and he couldn’t stop moving. Youngjae was panicking.
The older of the two stared at him deeply for quite a while before speaking.
“Youngjae-shii.”
Youngjae turned to him. “Y-yes?”
“It’s not too late to walk out.”
Youngjae deadpanned. Was he that obvious? (But wait, who was he trying to fool? Of course Yoseob would know.)
“It will be, though, after you hear his confession.”
Youngjae only stared in response. He was unsure of what to do. A thousand things swam through his mind, telling him of what to do and what not to do, but he wasn’t sure. Although what Yoseob said was right. It wasn’t too late to walk out now.
But...
Doojoon’s voice throughout the speaker reminded him that the session was starting again and Youngjae’s expression let Yoseob know that he wasn’t going to change his mind. Youngjae was determined to stay. He wanted to stay. For Daehyun. For himself.
For them.
Yoseob smiled before turning his attention back to his notebook.
“Lastly, it’s Daehyun’s turn,” Doojoon said and everyone turned to him. “You’re the only one who’s not in a relationship yet, Daehyun-ah. After hearing all of these stories, do you understand what they and you have been through?”
Daehyun subtly nodded. His voice was laced with bravery as he spoke. “Yes.”
“Very good,” Doojoon placed his pen on the papers on his lap, as if he didn’t need to write anything for the last sharing and motioned Daehyun to start.
Without him realizing, Youngjae rose from his seat and walked closer to the tinted window. He unconsciously pressed a hand against the cold material. His Daehyun was talking.
“I’m Son Daehyun.”
“Hi, Daehyun.”
“The reason why I’m gay...”, Daehyun started and shrugged. “Well, it should be reasons. There are two, actually. One, it’s my parents.”
Youngjae’s lips curved upward.
“I have two fathers,” Daehyun said and he seemed very proud with the fact. Youngjae saw Doojoon broke into a smile. “I know. You guys must think that it’s strange. Parents are supposed to consist of a male and a female, but my parents...they’re the best. I can’t ask for anything more.”
Youngjae snorted into soft giggles. Being the closest friend, he knew how fond Daehyun was of his umma. The older between the two could get into a fight if someone ever bad mouthed his mother (and he always won). And Daehyun would never admit it as easily as his love confession to his umma, but he was definitely proud of his appa (and sometimes willing to get into a fight with the older male just to snatch his umma’s attention).
“My parents are in love,” Daehyun continued. “They’re very giving. My appa is the protective one while my umma is the loving, giving one. I grew up with no mother, but Kikwang umma was always there for me. He was always there to hold my hand. He was always there to tell me that storm is something I shouldn’t be scared of. He was always there to hug me. My appa is the best father and husband in the whole world. There are not enough words to describe him. We’re a family. We’re happy. And it was enough for me because I don’t need anyone else but them.”
Youngjae was quiet. Everyone else also seemed to be absorbed into the story.
“I want what they have.”
“You want what they have,” Doojoon repeated slowly.
Daehyun nodded firmly. “Yeah.”
Doojoon intertwined his fingers together and leaned forward. “And the second reason?”
Daehyun’s lips bloomed into a fond smile. It contained more emotions that the one he had when he talking about his parents. Much, much more.
“Yuu Youngjae.”
Youngjae almost whimpered.
“My best friend...no, my everything.”
“And why is he important to you?”
Daehyun went blank at Doojoon’s question. Youngjae found himself holding his breath for the umpteenth time. His heart was pounding loudly against his ribcage as he waited for the answer. He almost felt sorry for his heart because it had been working too hard for today. Youngjae bit his lip as he placed a hand on his chest.
Why am I important to you, Daehyunie?
“He was the first one to know that I have two fathers.”
“And he was alright with it?”
“He was fine.”
Yoseob grinned meaningfully at Youngjae but the latter was too caught up in staring at Daehyun.
“I thought he was going to leave,” Daehyun said reluctantly. “But he didn’t. And we became best friends. He became an important part in my life that I...I didn’t know when exactly did I fall in love with him. All I know is that I’m not going to last without him.”
Youngjae put a hand on his mouth and his tears were threatening to fall.
“But then it happened. We kissed-I mean, I kissed him. And then everything just...fell apart. I ruined it. I ruined our friendship. I shouldn’t have thought that the feeling was mutual-he could just think of me as a friend and nothing more...” Daehyun paused as he reminisced. “When it happened, his eyes were full of...God, I’m not sure. Maybe it was hatred. Maybe it was...disgust. And after that, he just...completely avoided me.”
Youngjae finally let out a whimper and weakly fell to his knees. “Dae...”
“Maybe I...maybe I should take things slowly. Maybe I should tell him first instead of kissing him...”
“Youngjae-shii, are you alright?” Yoseob closed the notebook infront of him before rushing to Youngjae’s side.
Daehyun felt a hand on his and he looked up to see Luhan smiling encouragingly at him.
“It’s-it’s okay,” Luhan said sincerely.
“Daehyun,” Youngjae cried painfully with a hand clutching his chest. “Daehyun, he...”
“But I don’t want us to-“ Daehyun almost hissed and quickly took a hold of himself. It wasn’t fair to be angry to someone else about his feelings. He didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially not Luhan or the others in the room. Not anymore. “I mean...it’s-it’s not okay...”
“Have you talked to him?” Minhyuk asked softly.
“Yeah,” Chanhee nodded in agreement.
“You should talk to him to clear things up...” Kyung added quietly.
“What? What’s wrong with Daehyun?” Yoseob asked softly, knowing that Youngjae had already found out the answer.
“Even though the worst thing to happen is that he stops being your friend,” Myungsoo said and everyone turned to glare at him. “What? I’m just stating the truth. Friends to lovers are alright. Best friends to lovers, I’m not so sure about that.”
Daehyun shifted his eyes from Myungsoo to Doojoon. He wasn’t really sure what was happening, but somehow he felt glad from all of the support that he got.
The handsome psychologist smiled at him and clapped his hands.
“You did very well, Daehyun-ah. You did very well.”
Doojoon looked down to his papers before standing up with a warm smile.
“Nothing is wrong,” Youngjae sobbed and stared at Daehyun, hoping that he would be able to see him. But he couldn’t. “I just love him so much...”
“Thank you very much for sharing today, guys.”
Yoseob smiled in understanding. “That’s the reason you’re here, Youngjae-shii.”
***
Daehyun couldn’t tell how relieved he was to get it off of his chest.
He was glad he joined the one time session. It just came as a suggestion when he told Doojoon that he was having boy trouble. The male offered him to join-he needed another person anyway-and Daehyun had agreed out of nothing. But the good thing was that Daehyun also made new friends. Even though they just knew each other-an hour ago to be exact-but the experience made them felt like they had been friends for a long time.
Kyung was the first one to leave. He looked very happy when Jiho came into sight and left after waving to everyone. Chanhee and Myungsoo were the next ones to bid goodbye. Byunghyun and Sungyeol had dropped by and Daehyun felt a bit jealous at them because they all had a special someone. It was much better to go through this kind of experience with someone than alone...
Minhyuk’s boyfriend appeared a few moments after to pick him up and both Luhan and Daehyun had to keep their jaws from falling. Eunkwang looked mature (and yeah he had enough fatherly image alright) and looked perfect together with the beautiful male. They left with their fingers intertwining.
They all looked very happy.
It got Daehyun to smile bitterly at the view.
“So...I guess I’ll see you around,” Luhan tucked his phone back into his pocket after saving Daehyun’s number. He pondered for a while before tilting his head to a side. “You know, if your friend ever rejects you...just call me? No, I’m not gonna flirt with you,” the male rolled his eyes at Daehyun’s expression. “I have a lot of friends. Although um, most of them are taken already, but...I’ll try finding the one who’s still single and well, uh, you’ll never know until you try, right?”
Daehyun laughed in amusement and flicked Luhan’s arm playfully. “That’s very kind of you, Luhan-hyung. Although... I doubt that I will ever get over Youngjae. But thank you.”
Luhan rubbed the spot that Daehyun had just hit. “Alright. It’s just a thought, though.”
Daehyun’s expression turned into guilt for hitting such a skinny male. “Nice meeting you, by the way.”
“Nice meeting you too,” Luhan smiled and shrieked happily when he spotted his boyfriend at the corner. “That’s my Sehun. See you, Daehyun-ah!”
Daehyun waved Luhan goodbye and he bowed to Sehun who gave him a simple smile. Luhan flew into his boyfriend’s arms happily and walked away with a wide smile. Daehyun stared at them for a moment. Sehun’s fond stare to Luhan reminded him of his to Youngjae.
Do you even know that I’m crazy for you, Youngjae-yah?
It would be nice if he and Youngjae could be like that. He wanted them to have the same connection, the same chemistry that his parents had-and probably what Luhan and Sehun had, too. The male offhandedly fished both of his hands into his pockets with a heavy sigh and transferred his weight to another foot. He wanted to talk to Youngjae. Daehyun casted a glance down at his wristwatch and realized that it was probably best for him to go home. It would be just awkward for him to call Youngjae right then and tell him he wanted to talk-
“Daehyunie.”
Daehyun spun around in surprise because he recognized the voice instantly. “Y-Youngjae-yah? Aren’t you supposed to be in your singing lesson?”
It wasn’t the brightest thing to say at the moment and Daehyun felt like berating himself mentally. He was actually more than happy to know Youngjae was there standing in front of him. Who cared about singing lesson? Youngjae looked shaken and it caused a pang in Daehyun’s heart. The latter decided to ask something else-something more rational.
“Youngjae-yah, why are you here?”
“I...”
Youngjae felt himself was so full of emotions that he couldn’t say anything. He felt utterly ashamed for not being able to support Daehyun for everything that he had been through. Some ‘best friend’ he was.
Daehyun was still staring at him with genuine concern. “Hey...what’s wrong?”
Youngjae almost burst out crying. His breath was starting to get ragged and Daehyun’s stare made him weak. Youngjae decided that if he couldn’t say anything to show what he felt, at least his actions would.
He leaned forward to kiss his best friend.
Daehyun was shocked from the sudden gesture that he was unable to do anything about it. Instinctively, the former brought his hand to grab Youngjae’s chin. Youngjae thought Daehyun would push him away, he shut his eyes in fear, preparing himself for what was coming, but his fingers stayed there.
Youngjae was the first one to break the kiss because he wasn’t good at this. It was new, he bashfully thought. He felt inexperienced and naive-and he needed air. The kiss ended too quickly to Daehyun’s liking, but the obvious tears in Youngjae’s eyes managed to snap Daehyun’s strength back. Even though they got separated, but their lips were still close. Daehyun could feel Youngjae’s warm breath on his lips and it felt great.
Daehyun ran a hand on his best...he wasn’t sure of their relationship anymore. All he knew that this person was very important in his life and he needed anyone else. “Youngjae-yah...?”
“I’m sorry,” Youngjae whispered as he buried his head on Daehyun’s shoulder. “I was scared...”
Daehyun instinctively closed his eyes as he pulled Youngjae closer into a hug. God, it felt so right to have the younger male in his arms.
Finally, finally.
Daehyun pressed his lips lightly against Youngjae’s hair. He smelled the same scent of Youngjae’s favorite shampoo. “But...why are you scared?”
Can I think that you are mine?
“Because I treasure you so much,” Youngjae whispered in exasperation as he grabbed a handful fist of the end of Daehyun’s shirt. “And the kiss...it just kinda changed everything...”
“I know,” Daehyun murmured. “I’m sorry...”
“It’s okay,” Youngjae looked up shyly. “Daehyunie...?”
“Hm?”
“So you...so you don’t want anybody else?”
Daehyun’s eyes widened.
Youngjae could see the obvious surprise reflected on the beautiful orbs, and he was probably going to have to explain everything later, but right now, he just needed to know.
“No,” Daehyun replied and Youngjae’s heart almost stopped beating as the former leaned forward to crash their lips together. “No, I don’t want anybody else but you, Yuu Youngjae...”
End.
“Doojoonie, is it working?”
“I never thought I’d say this, but surprisingly, yes.”
“Oh my God. It’s working? He’s...scarily awesome.”
“I know. I think it’s...from Woonie?’
“Or...from Kikwang? Or...well, we never got to meet Gina-noona though. Maybe it’s from her. Oh, you never told me how all of this happened in the first place, anyway.”
“Well...when Daehyun came to me and told me he got boy trouble and that he had a plan about it, I would have never thought it would work. I mean...it’s a slim chance for Youngjae to be convinced to come...but he did. I guess they’re really close that Daehyun could even guess how Youngjae would act.”
“...scarily awesome. I think Daehyun’s a bit stubborn, though. He was the one who told you that you needed to repeat ‘so you don’t want anybody else’ right Doojoonie, as a sign to let him know if Youngjae was there.”
“Yeah. Stubborn definitely comes from Dongwoon, alright.”
“That, I agree. He’s definitely Dongwoon’s son.”
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS