fic: Moving On (18/20)
Title: Moving On
Rating: R
Pairing: Finn/Sam
Words: ~4,500
Notes: Next up in the Sam/Finn mpreg verse. Fics in order you should read them before this one: Confusion, Help Me, Getting By.
[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [ 10 ] [ 11 ] [ 12 ] [ 13 ] [ 14 ] [ 15 ] [ 16 ] [ 17 ]
The rest of the honeymoon passed quickly; they were only in New York for the weekend because neither could get off of work for longer than that, but it was still a nice getaway. Sam was surprisingly chipper after that one night in bed where he’d been overly-emotional. It was almost like giving up had cheered him up. Finn couldn’t help but hope that their last night together trying for a child had worked - for Sam’s sake more than anything else. Finn hated how defeated Sam had been, and he really wanted Sam to be happy.
Once they were back home, the boys fell easily back into their routines as music teacher and nurse, now just casually fooling around and making love when they felt like it. Sam was still frustrated that he wasn’t getting sick or anything like that, but it wasn’t nearly as much of a big deal as it used to be. Finn and Sam were content with Annika and Caroline; they were perfect and beautiful, and they were growing up far too fast. Annika was five and they were getting ready to send her to kindergarten in the fall, and Caroline had just turned four.
Things seemed to be going better for the boys, though, and by springtime they’d just accepted that a third baby wasn’t in the cards for them, and everything seemed so much easier. The boys fell into an easy routine of taking the girls to where they needed to be, then going to work, then coming home and fixing dinner and playing with the girls until bedtime. Annika had started singing along with all of her favorite Disney movies - most of the time she’d just sing along as Giselle in Enchanted and make Finn sing along as Prince Edward. Sam and Carly played catch up and down the hallway a lot, and she was actually getting very good at throwing.
They’d gotten a larger apartment this time around; a three bedroom so each of the girls could have their own. Finn had mentioned getting a house, but they didn’t need a bigger place, and they were still paying off their student loans. They could move into a house if they wanted to, though, and the thought was always in the back of their minds.
One night in April when spring rain poured outside, pattering on the roof so they could hear it in their third floor apartment, Sam and Finn lay in bed, curled up, Finn buried deep within Sam as their bodies moved together in a perfect rhythm. Sex was so much more natural between them than it had been in the past, and Sam was much more relaxed while they did it now that they resigned themselves to not having any more kids. They’d been absolutely silent except for their breathing. The only sounds that could be heard were the rumbles of thunder outside. Finn panted and moved his body against Sam’s as Sam clung to him desperately. “I…Finn…” Sam gasped out in a whisper.
Finn moved his hand faster and stroked Sam through his orgasm just as he reached his own. No more than a few seconds after this happened, the door to their bedroom opened. Finn quickly rolled to the side, his hand still covered in Sam’s cum, and he panicked. Sam faked a sneeze and reached over to the bedside table next to him for a tissue. He subtly reached under the blankets to wipe the mess from his stomach as the girls wandered in clutching their blankets. “Papa? What were you doing?” Annika asked as she stood at the foot of the bed.
Sam looked over at Finn quickly and it took a moment but then Finn caught on. He faked a sneeze as well and Sam handed him a tissue so he could clean off his hand. “I was just giving Daddy a kiss goodnight,” Finn lied lamely.
Annika and Caroline giggled, but their giggles were cut short by a louder rumble of thunder and a soft flash of lightning. “We’re scared,” Carly said softly.
Sam reached under the blankets and did his best to tug on his pajama pants. Finn copied, though not as subtly, as Sam beckoned the girls over. “C’mere, girls,” he said.
Another rumble of thunder echoed from outside and the girls eagerly climbed up into bed with them. Carly buried her face in Finn’s chest as he rested back on the bed and he held her close. “It’s okay. The thunder isn’t going to hurt you,” he reassured her. Annika climbed into bed, too, and it was a snug fit, but the girls were curled up in bed with Finn and Sam on either end.
They didn’t fall asleep right away. It turned into Sam and Finn singing softly to them as the storm passed before the girls even let their eyelids droop. Finally they fell asleep, and Sam and Finn could, too. When Sam woke up the next morning, he found Annika attempting to braid his hair as Carly leaned over the edge of the bed, barking. Sam was confused; he couldn’t find Finn anywhere.
Slowly he sat up and Annika pouted. “You messed up the braid!” she cried.
“You can braid it in a little bit. Where’s Papa?” he asked.
Carly turned to Sam and barked as she pointed down to the floor next to the bed. Sam crawled near where Carly was and looked down, and sure enough there was Finn. He must have moved off the bed when they ran out of space. It was cute, seeing him curled up down there. “Can I wake him up Daddy?” Caroline asked.
Sam laughed and nodded, and both Carly and Annie climbed off the bed and started to tickle Finn. He stirred and let out a strange grunt as he tried to figure out what was going on. Slowly he sat up and the girls giggled at how disheveled his hair was and how scruffy he looked. “So much for sleeping in on a Saturday…” he grumbled.
The girls ran down the hall shouting about breakfast and TV, and Sam and Finn slowly climbed out of bed to follow. Finn rubbed the sleep from his eyes and Sam laughed, “What a night, huh?”
Finn let out a dry laugh and nodded, “You can say that again.”
They were still embarrassed that the girls had walked in just when they were finished being intimate, and it reminded them to lock the door from then on. Slowly they walked down the hall and Finn started a pot of coffee (that both had been reluctant to drink, but grew to need it anyway). Sam wandered over to where the girls were jumping and reaching up for a cabinet. He knew exactly what they wanted; it had been their usual Saturday morning breakfast since Annika had been able to eat solid foods. He pulled out some boxes of different flavored Pop Tarts and let them choose. “Which flavor today, girls?” he asked.
“Blueberry!” Annie cried out.
“Chocolate!” Carly chimed in.
Sam gave the girls each a Pop Tart and put the remaining one from the package in a zip-top plastic bag for next weekend. They hopped away to the living room where Finn had just turned on the TV to some Saturday morning cartoons while Sam poured them each a sippy cup of juice. It was their usual Saturday morning routine, complete with Sam and Finn watching cartoons right along with them while they sipped their coffee.
The school year ended and Finn found himself only at school every so often to do teacher workshops, so he could stay home with the girls during the day while Sam worked. He took Annika to her dance lessons and brought Carly to little league and Sam would take off of work to go to their games and recitals if they were during the day. Everything was going smoothly until Sam was moved to the maternity wing. He was being trained in through free classes provided during his work hours to work in the nursery and NICU, where the premature babies stayed. Sam hadn’t been back there since Annika, and it was hard to go back. He did, though, because his boss didn’t even know his history with the place. The same nurse that was there when Annika was born recognized him, though, and she took him under her wing.
Sam slowly grew accustomed to holding the small babies and handling them even with all the cords and machines they were near. He liked what he did, helping these little babies like this, but it was scary seeing new little ones come in. Sam had stepped back when a new baby no bigger than the size of his hand came in. Cortney, the nurse that had helped him with Annika all those years ago, slowly helped him get used to caring for babies so small.
Just as he was getting used to it and felt comfortable being around babies this small, it all completely disappeared. He came home one afternoon in early June, tears welling in his eyes. Finn had just been playing with the girls outside, and now they were curled up on the couch in shorts and tee shirts, trying to cool off. Finn was too, but he panicked the instant he saw Sam’s face. Finn walked to where Sam stood, just barely inside the door, and he pulled Sam into a hug without a single question. Sam buried his face in Finn’s shoulder and said, “They were right.”
Confused, Finn wrapped his arms around Sam a little tighter and asked, “Who was right? What were they right about?”
Sam sniffled and said, “The first is always the worst.”
Finn still didn’t know what Sam was talking about, but he could sense that now wasn’t the best time to push for a better explanation. He kissed the top of Sam’s head and said, “Why don’t you go take a shower and just take a few minutes. I’ll start on dinner and tonight after they go to bed we can talk.”
Sam nodded and shrunk away from Finn to shower, and the whole evening through dinner and up until they put the girls to bed, Finn was worried and confused. Even after the girls were asleep, Sam just curled up against Finn without saying a single word. Finally Finn summoned the courage to ask, “So what happened?”
Sam sighed and just said, “I have to get over it. This is my job. Cortney said this was going to happen.”
Finn reached over and wrapped his arm around Sam’s shoulders. “You know, I can’t try to help you unless I know what happened,” Finn said softly.
Sam took a deep breath and said, “A baby died while I was working in the NICU today. He was too little.”
Finn had been wondering if it had been something like that, but the fact that it had been a baby and not a different aged patient was so much more heartbreaking. “I’m sorry,” Finn said. “I’m sure you guys did everything you could.”
“Yeah, but it sucks that it wasn’t enough,” Sam replied instantly.
A fresh wave of sadness washed over Sam and he had to get up and run to the bathroom to vomit. His stomach had been upset all day and tried to choke it back, to stay strong, but this was hard. The little boy was so cute and so strong, but it hadn’t been enough and it killed Sam. He’d have to work through this if he was going to be a good nurse, but it sucked. Finn waited on the couch for Sam to return, not wanting to invade his privacy and make things worse.
“You sure you’re okay?” Finn asked. “Do you want me to get you any medicine?”
Sam shook his head and sighed, “No, I’ll be fine. I just need some rest.”
Finn looked over at Sam, his brow scrunched up in worry, and he suggested, “We can go to bed now if you want.”
A nod was the only response Finn got to that, and Sam slowly sat up and wandered to their room where he pulled on pajamas in silence. Finn changed and brushed his teeth as Sam just kind of sat there, and then Sam went into the bathroom. Finn winced when he heard Sam throw up again, and then waited for Sam to brush his teeth. After a while, Sam came back and crawled into bed. Finn wrapped his arm protectively around Sam’s waist and Sam buried his face against Finn’s chest. He sighed and breathed slowly as Finn ran his hand gently along his back.
Finn hated that he didn’t know what to say in this situation. He only hoped that Cortney knew how to help Sam through this, because Finn was clueless. Sam slowly worked past it, but kept getting sick, and while Finn had a suspicion that perhaps their efforts had finally paid off, Sam insisted it was just anxiety. It was as if giving up on having a baby had destroyed any hopes he had left.
Finn only mentioned it once, because the sadness in Sam’s eyes at the thought of getting his hopes crushed again was too much to handle. Finn never brought it up again, even though Sam’s sickness stayed around for weeks.
The women that Sam worked with had noticed, too, and several of them (led by Cortney) were determined to convince Sam to find out for sure. “Just go check!” Cortney insisted as they walked to the break room. “What can it hurt?”
“I’m not pregnant,” Sam said seriously. “And I don’t need to pay some doctor to tell me so.”
“Sam, something is going on. If it’s not a baby, it’s something,” Cortney told him firmly. “We’re worried about you because whatever this is, it’s not going away.”
Sam frowned and shook his head, “It’s nothing.”
Cortney sighed and said, “We already called Dr. Lopez for you. We made you an appointment for this afternoon. Please, Sam. Just check. If you aren’t, then I’m sorry, but if you are, don’t you think it’s best you start prenatal vitamins and taking care of yourself so you don’t have another preemie?”
That right there was all it took to convince Sam to go see Dr. Lopez.
Sam finished his shift at two o’clock, and he had to fill out an impossible amount of paperwork, but he was brought back into Dr. Lopez’s office by two thirty and his hands rested nervously on his bare stomach as Dr. Lopez started the machine. “So,” Dr. Lopez began. “You think you might be pregnant?”
“No,” Sam admitted, though the nervousness indicated otherwise. “But everyone else does so I’m humoring them.”
Dr. Lopez squirted the gel on Sam’s belly and slowly set the wand down. Sam took a deep breath and shut his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the proof that he wasn’t pregnant. “Well, it looks like you and Finn finally did it,” Dr. Lopez said.
Sam’s eyes snapped open and he turned to look at the ultrasound screen in shock. “Wait…what?” he asked. “It wasn’t working. How…what? Are you sure?”
Dr. Lopez laughed a bit and said, “Yes I’m sure, Sam.” He pointed to the screen and said, “That’s the head there, and you can make out the feet down there, too.”
Sam was shocked, to say the least. He just stared at the screen for a moment and couldn’t really believe it. “It looks like you’re actually at around 9 weeks, so it’s not too late to get you going on your medications and vitamins to try for a full term birth,” he said as he printed off a picture and shut down the machine.
He wrote out some prescriptions for Sam and sent him home with those and an ultrasound photo. Sam made his way to the pharmacy and as he waited for his prescriptions, Sam paced back and forth, elated. He wanted to get home so he could tell Finn the news and celebrate with him. Finally his prescriptions were filled, and Sam was out of there and home in record time. “Woah, dude, are you okay?” Finn asked curiously from where he sat in the living room with napping girls on either side of him.
Sam just grinned and held up the ultrasound picture. Finn’s jaw dropped and he stood up to walk over to Sam, who was still in the doorway for fear of waking up the girls. “Wait…you…?” Finn asked incredulously.
Finn hadn’t expected Sam to actually go and find out if he was or not - though he assumed that the people Sam worked with had something to do about it. Cortney had called Finn in concern more than once, though how she got Finn’s phone number was baffling. Sam beamed and nodded, “I’m pregnant.”
They pulled each other into a big hug and neither could wipe the grins from their faces. “Oh my god,” was all Finn could say. He was too surprised and excited to say anything else. “When are you due?”
“January 5th,” Sam said with a smile. “I’ve already got all the medicine I need. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to have another kid.”
Finn kissed Sam happily and they couldn’t wipe the grins off of their faces for days. They’d called Burt and Carole first, but within a week everyone they had normal contact with knew. Santana and Brittany said they’d babysit if Sam and Finn ever felt like bringing the family out to L.A. where Brittany had a gig dancing backup on stage for a pop star and Santana was working as Brittany’s booking agent. They made a good team, and they’d just gotten married.
Puck and Meg were excited as well, and they said either way, the kid was going to be close with their son Andy, whether it was his best friend or his girlfriend. Finn and Sam had laughed at that. The girls were excited, but neither of them really fully understood what it meant. Annika had been too young to really comprehend it all when Caroline was born, and this was all new to Caroline. It was fun, though, explaining that they were going to have a baby just like Puck and Meg had. “A boy?” Carly asked curiously.
“We don’t know, yet,” Sam admitted.
“No, I want a sister that will play Barbies with me!” Annika demanded.
“We don’t get to choose, girls,” Finn said with a laugh. “It’s a surprise. The baby has to grow a little more before the doctor can tell us if it’s a boy or a girl.”
Annika pouted and said, “Tell him I want a sister.
“Tell him I want a brother!” Carly shouted.
Sam wasn’t exactly sure how they were going to break the news to the girls when the time came, and especially how the girl that didn’t get her way was going to react. A few thoughts came to mind, but they definitely didn’t have the space.
The girls forgot about the baby after a while and summer passed rather quickly. They were a little confused by the baby bump that became more pronounced throughout the summer months, but mostly they just liked to feel it.
In late August after a few particularly stressful days of school shopping to be sure Annika had everything she needed for kindergarten, Sam and Finn dropped the girls off with Burt and Carole and made their way to the doctor. It was the day that they’d find out if the baby was a boy or a girl, and both Finn and Sam’s stomachs were full of butterflies in anticipation.
Dr. Lopez brought them back to a room with an ultrasound machine in it, and Sam lifted his shirt above his baby bump. Finn sat at his side and they acted like this was the most natural thing in the world. And truly, in some senses it was the most natural thing. After Annika and Caroline, they were old pros.
Dr. Lopez put the gel on Sam’s belly and moved the wand around, and his frown only grew as time went on. “We’re going to have to put you on bed rest already, Sam,” he said with a frown. “The baby’s heart rate is low and I’m getting unusual measurements on him so far.”
Sam’s eyes shut and he leaned his head back. Of course they’d have complications. After it had taken so long to conceive, complications were obvious and he should have been expecting them. “Wait, what do you mean unusual measurements?” Finn asked, concerned.
“It’s nothing to worry about at this point,” Dr. Lopez insisted. “He’s probably in the womb at a strange angle. We’ll check at the next appointment and that should give us a better indication of how the little guy is doing. His heart rate is low, though, so we’re going to put you on an additional medication, Sam, and we want to keep you on bed rest.”
Sam frowned and nodded to show that he’d understood. “On the bright side,” Dr. Lopez interjected, trying to redeem the situation a little bit. “You’re expecting a baby boy.”
Finn and Sam were so caught up in the fact that something was wrong that they barely registered that they would have a son. Dr. Lopez printed the ultrasound image and let Sam clean up, and he wished he had better news for them. As he walked them back to the lobby, he said, “If you’d like to come in two weeks to check on the baby and see if we can get you up and moving again, feel free. I think this early on we might be able to get you back on your feet, like we did with Annika.”
He patted Sam’s shoulder and Sam half-heartedly scheduled an appointment two weeks out, just in case. Finn carried the picture all the way to the car and got into the driver’s seat. He handed the picture to Sam and Sam stared down at it. “At least we get our little boy, huh?” he asked sadly.
“Yeah,” Finn replied with half a smile.
He wanted to be strong for Sam - he wanted to be overjoyed that they were having a son - but he was a little freaked out at what Dr. Lopez had said. Unusual measurements might mean something was wrong with the baby. If something was wrong…well, Finn knew that he and Sam were strong, but getting through something going terribly wrong might not be the easiest thing for them to do, especially if they had to explain it to the girls.
Sam put on a front for Burt and Carole and pretended to be ecstatic that it was a boy, and Finn followed suit in an attempt to hide what he was really feeling. He didn’t need Burt and Carole getting concerned for no reason.
When they got home, they tried to explain things to the girls, but Annika ended up crying and pouting most of the night. Sam got short with her around dinnertime, and Finn had to step in. “Sam, you should just go take a shower and relax in our room,” Finn said to him softly as they prepared chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese for dinner.
Sam glared at Finn, but Finn wouldn’t hedge. Sam needed to rest, and he needed to calm down and just think for a bit before he really upset the girls. “I’ll take care of the girls and get them to bed,” Finn reassured him. “But right now we really need you to rest because he needs to stay healthy,” Finn insisted as he glanced down at Sam’s belly.
“After we eat,” he said curtly.
They ate dinner in silence. It was the girls’ favorite meal so they were busy stuffing their faces, and Finn and Sam didn’t speak to each other. Sam disappeared after he insisted on cleaning up after dinner, and Finn sat with the girls as they watched Enchanted for the millionth time. He put them to bed like he usually did and walked into their room to find Sam staring down at the picture, his eyes wet and glassy. “Sam…” Finn trailed off softly.
Sam ignored him and Finn sighed. He’d shut off all the lights and locked the door, and even though it was early, he planned on crawling into bed with Sam. He took a quick shower and pulled on some boxers before scooting under the covers. Sam was still staring at the ultrasound picture, and Finn slowly leaned over to kiss Sam’s neck lightly. “He’s going to be fine,” Finn insisted. “You’re both going to be fine.”
“What if he’s not,” Sam said sharply. “I work in the NICU, I see babies not making it. Maybe we won’t even be as lucky as we were with Annika.”
“Stop thinking like that, Sam, please,” Finn pleaded with him. “At least the doctors caught it now. Dr. Lopez isn’t going to let anything happen to our son.”
Sam just pursed his lips and set the picture on the bedside table. “We should choose a name for him,” Finn suggested timidly.
Finn would never admit that he wanted to choose a name just in case they lost the baby. He wrapped an arm around Sam’s shoulders and hugged him as they nestled further under the blankets. Sam sighed and shook his head, “I don’t know what to name him.”
“What about…” Finn swallowed. He’d been thinking about this a while, truthfully, and he hoped Sam would at least consider this idea. “Well, you know how we kind of named Caroline after my mom?” Finn asked, and Sam nodded in response. “Well…what if we name him after you?”
“No way are we naming our kid Sam Jr.,” Sam mumbled instantly.
Sam’s arm reached out to wrap around Finn’s waist as they rested there, curled up in each other in bed. “No, I don’t mean that,” Finn insisted softly. “I was thinking more like the name Evan. It’s kind of like your last name, to remember your mom and brother and sister and stuff, but it won’t be repetitive because you all have my last name now.”
Sam didn’t speak for a minute, and Finn wondered if he’d said something wrong. It was the faintest of movement, but Finn slowly felt Sam nod. “Evan Christopher,” he said softly.
Finn was a little surprised that Sam had remembered his father’s name and wanted to use it, and slowly nodded himself. Finn reached a hand down to run his hand along Sam’s belly, and he smiled as he whispered, “Evan Christopher Hudson. I like it.”
Sam looked up at Finn and they shared a gentle kiss before Sam turned around and guided Finn’s arm around his waist so they could spoon like they always did. Just as he was drifting off to sleep, Finn kissed Sam’s shoulder and whispered, “I love you.”
Sam was too tired to reply, and instead just gave Finn’s hand a soft squeeze and scooted back against him before they both fell into a deep sleep.