fic: Moving On (3/20)
Things were not going well for Sam Evans. Every time he’d pluck up the courage to tell Finn about the baby, something would happen to interrupt them so Sam couldn’t tell him. Half the time it was Finn’s roommate, whom Sam didn’t even really like. Micah was rude and drank too much and teased Finn far too often for sitting and talking to a guy on Skype. “He doesn’t know, does he?” Sam asked during a Skype chat one day.
Micah had left to brush his teeth before bed and yet again, made a joke about Finn being a “fag.” Finn frowned and replied, “Didn’t you hear how he said that stuff? Of course I haven’t told him. I don’t want to start anything with him - I still have to share a dorm with him for seven more months.”
Sam kind of understood, and it hurt hearing those comments, but it made sense. Telling Micah would probably do more bad than good. “Oh, I have good news! I’ll be home for Thanksgiving,” Finn smiled, changing the subject. “I can’t wait to finally see you guys again.”
Sam smiled and said, “Awesome. I’m sure Annika will love that.”
“How is she?” Finn asked.
Nodding, Sam replied, “She’s good. She’s talking more - just simple words but it’s still cute.”
“Sweet,” Finn grinned.
“Look, I have something I need to tell you, Finn,” Sam began, nervously wringing his hands in his lap.
Finn scooted closer to the screen and nodded, “Okay?”
Just as Sam was about to tell Finn, Micah walked in, loudly shouting to someone down the hall as he did so. Sam sighed and said, “I can just tell you later. It’s no big deal.”
Finn smiled and said, “Sounds good.” He glanced over his shoulder at Micah, who was standing impatiently at the light switch, ready for bed. “I’ll see you Tuesday then.”
“Bye,” Sam waved.
He switched off Skype before Finn could say anything else, and slowly left the room. He’d put off telling Finn for over a month now. Sam was really starting to show now and it would be obvious to Finn the moment he saw Sam that he was pregnant. Lazily, Sam’s hand fell to his belly, now curving far outwards as he reached the sixth month of his pregnancy. Things were going better with this baby; Sam was on twice as many medications, but they were working, so he wasn’t going to complain.
He’d found a job at the local hospital thanks to Carole; he worked in the maternity ward, preparing and serving meals to patients. When he wasn’t doing that during meal times, he sat in the play room at the end of the hallway and helped supervise the children while their parents were down the hall. Annika got to play in the room during the day at no cost, so that really helped Sam when it came to expenses. Burt had even given Sam an older car from the garage - something dependable and safe - so he could drive Annika around and get to work. The car wasn’t anything fancy but Sam appreciated it all the same.
Sam had fallen into his new schedule easily: waking early with Annika, driving to work, spending the day at work, and driving home at the end of the day for family dinners with Burt and Carole. It was an easy system, and being an adult didn’t suck as much as Sam had thought. Except for the fact that he still needed to tell Finn that they had another baby on the way.
The stress of needing to tell Finn was really starting to weigh on Sam. Puck would text him literally every day asking him if he’d told Finn yet, and on top of that Sam was starting to feel some pressure from Burt and Carole, even though they’d never actually say anything. Carole was pressing to find out the gender of the baby, and Sam was at the point where the doctor could tell him, but the fact was he wanted to wait. Finn should be there for that. That’s also why Sam scheduled a doctor’s visit the day before Thanksgiving when Finn would be home.
The clock was ticking, though. Sam felt the pressure every time he’d be on Skype with Finn. He couldn’t say it when Annika was with him, because Sam really hadn’t figured out how to tell her yet, either. He kept trying to come up with a way she’d understand, but he was struggling. Either that, or Finn’s roommate was in the background and sometimes Finn wouldn’t want to talk to Sam at all when that happened.
Finally one afternoon just a week before Finn would be home for break, Sam finally had his moment. His heart was pounding out of his chest and one hand nervously slid down his growing baby bump. “Finn, I…I need to tell you something, okay? And like, I need you to promise to stay calm,” Sam said.
Finn’s eyes widened and he panicked. “Is everything okay? Did something happen to Annika!?” he asked quickly.
“No no no,” Sam interrupted quickly. His nerves were screwing up his words and he was just making things worse. “I just…I’ve been trying to tell you but it’s been hard finding the right time because there was either your roommate or Annie in the room and I…I…”
Sam took a deep breath and met Finn’s eyes, guilt and sadness in them as he realized he was telling Finn almost later than last time. Finn watched Sam expectantly, trying to hold back his concern as he saw how upset Sam was.
“Finn, I’m pregnant.”
Finn’s eyes widened and he gaped, kind of like a fish out of water, as he tried to process it all in his brain. “But…but…” he stammered out.
He was thinking back in his head, and Sam was so scared. Finn was going to figure out that Sam had put off telling him. They hadn’t had sex since the time Burt caught them, which was before they’d even graduated. “You’re going to have it soon aren’t you?” Finn asked, defeated.
Sam frowned and said, “I’ve tried to tell you for a while! I swear! I just know you don’t tell your roommate much and I don’t want you getting picked on and…”
“When are you due?” Finn interrupted flatly.
Finn was angry; Sam could hear it in his voice and it kind of scared him. “February 20th.”
No words were spoken as Finn realized what was going on. “I need to come home,” he said instantly, looking around his room for his bags.
“No, Finn,” Sam said firmly, even though he wanted Finn to be there with him. “It’s late and you’re coming home next week anyway. Just…come home when you said you would.”
“I’m not missing out on another baby,” Finn shot.
“You’re not,” Sam insisted. “There’s nothing happening right now. I’m kind of getting huge but you’ve seen me like that already. Really…one week is all. Then you’ll be home and you can go to the doctor with me and we can find out if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“Wait…you don’t know yet?” Finn asked, shocked.
Sam looked sheepish as he admitted, “I…no. I wanted to wait for you.”
Finn seemed a little less upset when he heard this, but he was still frowning. “I’m really sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner, Finn, I swear,” Sam said frantically. “I haven’t told Annika yet either. I don’t know how to…that’s why I need you…want you home for Thanksgiving so bad. Christmas, too.”
“I’ll be there,” Finn said seriously.
Sam looked gratefully at Finn before his attention was drawn to the door. Burt walked in, Annika on his hip. “I think she’s ready for bed, Sammy,” Burt told him.
Turning to the computer, Sam said a quick goodbye to Finn, wishing he could have said more, before he signed off of Skype and took care of Annika.
The week leading up to Finn’s arrival was the longest week of Sam’s life. He kept checking his phone, wondering if Finn had decided to skip out on a class and leave early, but it never came. When Carole started preparing dinner on Tuesday night, Sam got really restless. Finn was supposed to be home for dinner that night. A million horrific reasons as to why Finn wasn’t home yet soared through Sam’s brain, but he tried to stay calm and just be patient. Granted, Carole had only just started preparing, but still…Sam was getting impatient.
Annika sat curled up at his side on the couch watching Barbie for the hundredth time. She watched the TV innocently, and Sam wondered if she really understood what he’d meant when he said Papa was coming home for a few days. Evidently she hadn’t, if the look of surprise on her face when Finn walked through the front door was anything to go by. Annika scooted off the couch and toddled over to Finn as he set his bags down. She held her arms up to him and chanted, “Pa! Pa! Pa!”
Finn laughed and lifted her up into a hug, not even bothering to take his jacket off first. Sam slowly stood up, his belly getting in the way. He walked over to them and Finn finally shifted his attention from Annika (who was clinging to him and probably wouldn’t let him go anytime soon) to Sam. “Hey, Sam,” Finn smiled.
His eyes darted down to Sam’s stomach and his smile faded slightly. Sam gave Finn a weak smile and replied with a soft, “Hello.”
Carole rushed into the room to give Finn a hug, and Burt stood smiling in the doorway, happy to see Finn as well. Kurt wasn’t going to be home for Thanksgiving because the commute was just too much, and being away from Kurt for so long was really starting to take its toll on Burt. “Dinner will be ready any minute,” Carole said excitedly. “Burt, honey, can you set the table?”
Burt nodded and helped set the table, and Sam coaxed Annika away from Finn long enough for him to hang his jacket in the hall closet. Annika sat on Finn’s lap all through dinner, even though she could have sat in her high chair. She wasn’t going to be letting go of him anytime soon, and it was actually kind of cute. Sam watched them quietly from across the table, smiling down at his plate so nobody would realize just how happy seeing Finn and Annika together made Sam.
Annika fell asleep in Finn’s arms that night, and the next morning she cried and screamed when Sam got her out of bed until Finn came downstairs and held her. If Sam thought that morning was hell, getting her to let go of Finn so they could go to the doctor was even worse. “Come here, Annie,” Burt said, holding his hands out to her.
Finn looked down at Annika, who was snuggled up to his shoulder, clinging to him for dear life. “No,” she pouted sadly. “Pa.”
“They need to go somewhere quick and have some pictures taken,” Burt explained gently. “It’s a special picture just for you, but they can’t go get it unless you play with me for a while.”
Annika looked up at Finn, then over at Sam, confused. “Picha?” she asked.
“Yep,” Sam nodded. “We’re going to go get a picture for you, so you need to stay with grandpa.”
“Me,” she pouted.
Finn just watched in confusion as Sam seemed to know exactly what Annika was saying. “No, we can’t bring you with us, Annie,” Sam shook his head. “It’s a special place for daddies. But we’ll come home right afterwards okay? Then you can see the picture and play with Papa all you want.”
“But you gotta play with grandpa first,” Finn offered.
Sam smiled softly at Finn before turning his attention back to Annika, who was slowly detaching herself from Finn. “There’s a good girl,” Burt smiled, pulling Annika into his arms. “They’ll be back soon. What do you think we should play while they’re gone?”
Annika’s lower lip trembled as she watched Finn and Sam pull their jackets on, but she didn’t try to escape Burt’s arms. They walked out the door, not looking back. Sam was used to Annika pouting when he’d leave without her; it didn’t happen often, Sam leaving without her, but when it did, it was heart wrenching. “I don’t know how you can leave her all the time,” Finn frowned. “She looked so sad.”
Sam shrugged. “She’s got to learn,” he told Finn.
They climbed into Finn’s car and he slowly pulled out of the drive. “She’ll never learn to be around other people or on her own if we cuddle her all the time,” Sam explained. “It’s sad, and it really sucks, but one day it’ll mean that she’ll be able to take care of herself, which is kind of why we’re even around in the first place, right?”
Finn looked over at Sam and smiled, “You’ve changed.”
Sam’s smile faltered. “Is that good or bad?” he asked nervously.
“It’s good,” Finn insisted.
They exchanged a quick glance before Finn turned back to the road. He drove the rest of the way in silence, Sam staring out the window at the light sprinkling of snow just beginning to fall. It wouldn’t stick, but it was still a reminder of the impending winter and a second baby for Sam and Finn. When they got to the doctor’s office, Finn seemed surprised that nobody was staring at them. When Sam was pregnant with Annika, people would stare at Sam like he was some two-headed turtle at the zoo or something - now they treated him like one of them - just another pregnant person waiting for a check-up.
Sam checked in at the front desk and they took their seats in the waiting room. “Nobody is staring,” Finn commented, confused.
“Nah, most of them know about me now,” Sam shrugged.
It was the truth, too; he’d told them about his condition on his own. Most women had stared and he’d been sick of it, so slowly he’d converse with enough of the women in the waiting room to spread the word. Now they all knew and accepted him, which seemed surprising in a small town like Lima, but Sam supposed the women were different than the men. Yet again, Finn was surprised at how much Sam had grown since he’d left for college - there were no more mood swings, fewer crying fits, and best of all, Sam seemed happy with his life. “Sam Evans?” a nurse called out.
Sam stood and Finn followed. They went back to an examination room and Finn felt a little more comfortable. He was used to this, although he probably shouldn’t be, and he sat calmly next to Sam as they waited for Dr. Lopez. “Finn, good to see you,” Dr. Lopez greeted with a smile. “Sam, how are you feeling?”
“Good,” Sam nodded.
This pregnancy had been a lot easier than the previous, and Sam was grateful. He’d been able to save up a sizeable amount of money now that he didn’t have to worry about bed rest, at least for now. Dr. Lopez had said it might be a possibility in the future in hopes of having a full-term pregnancy. “Let’s see here,” Dr. Lopez said, sitting down and flipping on the machine. “Are we ready to find out if it’s a boy or girl?”
Finn nodded eagerly at Sam’s side, and Sam laughed a little as he said, “Yeah, we are.”
“Fantastic,” Dr. Lopez said.
He began the ultrasound and looked around and took measurements, sneaking glances up to see two very impatient teenagers. It was amusing, but he figured they’d waited long enough, so he said, “Well, congratulations boys…it’s another girl. She’s growing well and looks perfectly healthy.”
Sam smiled, just happy to hear that the baby was still healthy. He’d been more worried about that than anything else, even though he was overjoyed to hear that Annika would have a sister. At least he wouldn’t have to go out and buy new clothes; this baby could wear Annika’s old clothes and it would make things much easier for the whole family, not having to buy all new clothes.
Finn beamed at Sam’s side, excited about another girl, but at the same time sad that it wasn’t a boy - was there something wrong with him that he couldn’t give Sam a boy? Did it make him defective? Finn had so much he wanted to teach a little boy - his son - that he just couldn’t teach a girl, like football or baseball. It was a little upsetting, but Finn was just grateful that Sam and the baby were healthy. Having another rough pregnancy would just make being away at school that much more difficult for Finn.
Sam cleaned off his stomach and had a sonogram printed before they left the office. During the drive home, Sam stared down at the picture in his hands, a small smile on his face. “You’re really okay with having another baby?” Finn asked.
With a shrug, Sam looked up and replied, “Well, it’s not like we can do anything about it. Besides, I think it might be good for Annika. She’s being spoiled rotten and without a sibling; she’ll never learn to share.”
Finn laughed and said, “Yeah, that would definitely be a problem”
“Plus, it’ll be nice,” Sam admitted. “Like, money might be a problem, but it’s nice having a family. I lost the one I’d grown up with just to have this one I have now. It’s a pretty good trade-off, actually.”
“Don’t you miss your mom and Stevie and Stacy though?” Finn asked.
“Of course,” Sam replied instantly. “But they have their life and I have mine. It just happened earlier than it does for most people is all. I get to see them every once in a while and I like it better that way. I feel more independent.”
“You are independent,” Finn revered.
Sam looked surprised at the compliment and let out a soft chuckle. “Well,” he said. “I guess so, but it won’t really feel like it until I’m out into my own place…” Sam slowly trailed off and corrected himself, “Our own place.”
Finn just nodded, his mind instantly flashing to thoughts of whether he’d be able to support Sam and two little girls instead of one. The thought was daunting, but he swore to get out of the dorms and into an apartment with Sam as soon as he could - Finn wasn’t going to back out on that because he didn’t want to lose his family. Skype was not a good enough substitute for real life company, and he refused to let his girls grow up only knowing him through a computer screen.
When they got home, Annika almost immediately latched to Finn. He sat on the sofa and Annika perched on his lap with a doll in hand. Curiously, her blue eyes met his. “Picha?” she asked. “Picha Pa?”
Finn looked down at Annika, confused. He really couldn’t understand her, and he could tell that she was getting frustrated by it. “Picha!” she shouted, her frustration evident in her voice.
“It’s right here, Annie, calm down,” Sam said, wandering slowly into the living room.
He took a seat next to Finn on the sofa and Annika climbed across his lap, eagerly looking at the black and white photo in Sam’s hands. “No,” she frowned.
“That’s your baby sister,” Sam explained. “See, there’s her face, just like yours,” he circled the baby’s face in the photo before drawing a circle around Annika’s face. She giggled and he pointed back at the picture, “And there are her hands, just like yours,” he reached out to hold her hand in his own. “She’s just not here yet.”
“Why?” she asked.
‘Why’ was another word Annika really liked. She would always giggle at how frustrated everyone got when she asked it ten times in a row. “The baby is still in Daddy’s tummy,” Finn explained, reaching out to pat Sam’s belly gently.
Annika looked confused for a minute until Sam led her hand to his belly and put it next to Finn’s. The baby had been kicking the whole drive home and maybe if Annika felt it, she’d understand a little better. Evidently she did, because she drew her hand away from his belly quickly. Finn just stared in awe down at his own hand; he hadn’t felt these things when Sam was pregnant with Annika and it was pretty amazing. “Did she kick you?” Sam asked.
Frowning, Annika nodded. “It’s okay,” Sam insisted, reaching out for her hand again. “It just means she can hear you.”
Sam had no idea if that was actually true, but as long as it would keep Annika calm, he’d go with it. She put both of her hands on his stomach this time, and this time giggled when she felt the baby kick. “Ann?” she asked, looking up at Sam expectantly.
“Nope, you’re the only Annika,” Sam told her. “We need to call this baby something else.”
“Ca!” Annika squealed.
Sam and Finn had no idea what that meant, but Annika seemed to be enjoying the news of a little sister so she was distracted before she could get angry at them for not understanding. Carole and Burt joined them in the living room not much later and Carole absolutely gushed at the thought of another granddaughter. “Congratulations, you two,” Burt insisted.
“Thanks,” Finn nodded. Burt sat in the recliner next to them and Finn asked, “When is Kurt getting home?”
“He can’t make it,” Burt sighed, frowning. “He, Blaine, and Rachel would rather save up and fly home for Christmas.”
It made sense, since the driving conditions were always risky in winter, but Finn could tell that Burt wasn’t thrilled with the idea of not seeing Kurt until December.
As they soon found out, the entire Thanksgiving holiday seemed to remind Burt of Kurt. He refused to sit in the room when the Macy’s Day Parade was on because “Kurt loved it so much it wouldn’t be right to watch it without him.” Carole very rarely left Burt’s side, which meant that most of the day he was helping her in the kitchen as Finn and Sam sat with Annika in the living room watching the parade. Well, Finn and Sam watched the parade - Annika mainly just played with her toys.
Dinner was delicious and Carole made twice as much food as necessary, but Finn ate quite a bit so that made a dent in what had been prepared. Even Annika ate with them; she devoured the mashed potatoes and tore her dinner roll to pieces, but she was happy to be eating with everyone else. Sam tried his best to clean her up as Finn helped Burt clear the table after Burt insisted Carole take a break.
“So…how’s school, Finn?” Burt asked.
Finn shrugged. “It’s good I guess. I mean, my roommate is kind of annoying but the classes are okay,” he admitted.
It was hard to meet people when the only person he had time to talk to outside of class was his roommate, and they didn’t exactly see eye to eye. “I think I might just transfer back,” Finn sighed. “I mean, I don’t want to miss out on both of the girls, and I’m not having fun anyway.”
“Have you met anyone? Made any friends?” Burt asked.
“Well…there are the guys in the show choir band with me, they’re kind of cool…but I only see them during practice,” Finn explained. “And there’s my roommate, but he just drinks all the time, and so do all of his friends. So like, I know people, but…they’re not who I want to be hanging out with. They’re not…”
“They’re not Sam,” Burt finished for him.
Finn looked over at Burt, surprised that he’d figured it out. “Look Finn,” Burt set the drying towel on the counter and gave Finn his full attention. “Making new friends is hard, but it’ll get you through. One day you guys will all be together as a family, but for now, you have to stay there.”
“But I don’t like it,” Finn argued.
“Think of it this way: what will you be doing when you graduate? With this degree, you’ll be teaching - that’ll give you some good benefits and enough money to help support your family. What about if you transfer back here to the tech school? You’ll have a job in a garage or something and trust me, while it was enough for me and Kurt, sometimes it’s just not enough for a bigger family,” Burt explained. “I got lucky - I’m part owner so I make more than others. Some of the guys that work for me, though, they’re not so lucky, and I’d pay them more if I could, but that’s not how these things work. You need to get this degree for them. Stick it out for Sam and your girls.”
Finn sighed and said, “But I’m going to miss everything if I’m gone.”
He frowned and put the last plate in the dishwasher before turning to Burt. “I don’t want to miss out on these things,” Finn argued. “Annika keeps learning new things and I’m not here to see it and it breaks my heart. It sucks.”
“I get that,” Burt nodded. “Trust me, I do. I wasn’t around much when Kurt was little - I had to work so I could support him. It was awful, Finn, and I wish I’d done things differently, but I did what I had to do, and Kurt and I still turned out okay. Your girls are going to love you no matter what you do - which is why you have to think of them every day and remind yourself that they’re why you’re doing this.”
“I miss Sam too, though,” Finn sighed. “It sucks because he seems okay without me.”
“Are you kidding me?” Burt asked. “He misses you like crazy, Finn. I can see this wearing down on him. He acts strong because he doesn’t want you to see that he misses you more than the rest of us.”
Scowling, Finn said, “He could say it once in a while.”
“Why? So you can run home and transfer to a tech school and get some second-rate job?” Burt raised an eyebrow. “No, he’s staying strong because he needs you to do the same.”
Finn looked up at Burt and admitted, “I can’t go three and a half more years this far away from them.”
“Maybe you don’t have to,” Burt shrugged. “The rest of this year, yes, but after that…well, that’s up to you boys. You’re adults now.”
Burt left the kitchen without another word, leaving Finn to think about what Burt had just said. He was quickly pulled from his thoughts when Sam walked in, Annika perched on his hip in nothing but a diaper. “What happened to her?” Finn asked, surprised.
“Mashed potatoes,” Sam laughed. “Her clothes are in the hamper, she just needs a quick bath before bed.”
Finn offered to help and by the time Annika was all cleaned up, Sam and Finn’s clothes were soaked. When she was out of the bath and into her pink Disney Princess pajamas, Annika clung to Finn again. He gave her a bottle before bed and set her down in her crib quietly. Slowly Finn left the room, being sure to make no loud noises as he did so.
He wandered up to his room and was surprised when he saw Sam lying on his bed, curled up and almost asleep in his pajamas. “What’re you doing up here?” Finn asked, walking over to the bed.
Sam gave a little shrug and sat up on the bed, watching Finn nervously. “I missed you I guess. I don’t know,” Sam admitted.
Finn sat next to him and said, “I have to stay in school.”
Sam looked over at Finn and their eyes locked. “I know,” Sam said seriously.
They stared at each other for a minute before Sam asked, “Can we just lay together? You know, the way we used to?”
Finn nodded, his mind flooding with flashbacks of summer when everything seemed so much simpler. Finn changed into his pajamas quickly and climbed under the covers. They kept the door open just like they were supposed to and Sam instantly curled up against Finn. Awkwardly Finn pulled the blankets up and over both of them before wrapping an arm around Sam’s shoulders and pulling him close. Sam’s eyes met Finn’s and they shared one soft, lazy kiss before resting their heads against the pillows and falling asleep.
Micah had left to brush his teeth before bed and yet again, made a joke about Finn being a “fag.” Finn frowned and replied, “Didn’t you hear how he said that stuff? Of course I haven’t told him. I don’t want to start anything with him - I still have to share a dorm with him for seven more months.”
Sam kind of understood, and it hurt hearing those comments, but it made sense. Telling Micah would probably do more bad than good. “Oh, I have good news! I’ll be home for Thanksgiving,” Finn smiled, changing the subject. “I can’t wait to finally see you guys again.”
Sam smiled and said, “Awesome. I’m sure Annika will love that.”
“How is she?” Finn asked.
Nodding, Sam replied, “She’s good. She’s talking more - just simple words but it’s still cute.”
“Sweet,” Finn grinned.
“Look, I have something I need to tell you, Finn,” Sam began, nervously wringing his hands in his lap.
Finn scooted closer to the screen and nodded, “Okay?”
Just as Sam was about to tell Finn, Micah walked in, loudly shouting to someone down the hall as he did so. Sam sighed and said, “I can just tell you later. It’s no big deal.”
Finn smiled and said, “Sounds good.” He glanced over his shoulder at Micah, who was standing impatiently at the light switch, ready for bed. “I’ll see you Tuesday then.”
“Bye,” Sam waved.
He switched off Skype before Finn could say anything else, and slowly left the room. He’d put off telling Finn for over a month now. Sam was really starting to show now and it would be obvious to Finn the moment he saw Sam that he was pregnant. Lazily, Sam’s hand fell to his belly, now curving far outwards as he reached the sixth month of his pregnancy. Things were going better with this baby; Sam was on twice as many medications, but they were working, so he wasn’t going to complain.
He’d found a job at the local hospital thanks to Carole; he worked in the maternity ward, preparing and serving meals to patients. When he wasn’t doing that during meal times, he sat in the play room at the end of the hallway and helped supervise the children while their parents were down the hall. Annika got to play in the room during the day at no cost, so that really helped Sam when it came to expenses. Burt had even given Sam an older car from the garage - something dependable and safe - so he could drive Annika around and get to work. The car wasn’t anything fancy but Sam appreciated it all the same.
Sam had fallen into his new schedule easily: waking early with Annika, driving to work, spending the day at work, and driving home at the end of the day for family dinners with Burt and Carole. It was an easy system, and being an adult didn’t suck as much as Sam had thought. Except for the fact that he still needed to tell Finn that they had another baby on the way.
The stress of needing to tell Finn was really starting to weigh on Sam. Puck would text him literally every day asking him if he’d told Finn yet, and on top of that Sam was starting to feel some pressure from Burt and Carole, even though they’d never actually say anything. Carole was pressing to find out the gender of the baby, and Sam was at the point where the doctor could tell him, but the fact was he wanted to wait. Finn should be there for that. That’s also why Sam scheduled a doctor’s visit the day before Thanksgiving when Finn would be home.
The clock was ticking, though. Sam felt the pressure every time he’d be on Skype with Finn. He couldn’t say it when Annika was with him, because Sam really hadn’t figured out how to tell her yet, either. He kept trying to come up with a way she’d understand, but he was struggling. Either that, or Finn’s roommate was in the background and sometimes Finn wouldn’t want to talk to Sam at all when that happened.
Finally one afternoon just a week before Finn would be home for break, Sam finally had his moment. His heart was pounding out of his chest and one hand nervously slid down his growing baby bump. “Finn, I…I need to tell you something, okay? And like, I need you to promise to stay calm,” Sam said.
Finn’s eyes widened and he panicked. “Is everything okay? Did something happen to Annika!?” he asked quickly.
“No no no,” Sam interrupted quickly. His nerves were screwing up his words and he was just making things worse. “I just…I’ve been trying to tell you but it’s been hard finding the right time because there was either your roommate or Annie in the room and I…I…”
Sam took a deep breath and met Finn’s eyes, guilt and sadness in them as he realized he was telling Finn almost later than last time. Finn watched Sam expectantly, trying to hold back his concern as he saw how upset Sam was.
“Finn, I’m pregnant.”
Finn’s eyes widened and he gaped, kind of like a fish out of water, as he tried to process it all in his brain. “But…but…” he stammered out.
He was thinking back in his head, and Sam was so scared. Finn was going to figure out that Sam had put off telling him. They hadn’t had sex since the time Burt caught them, which was before they’d even graduated. “You’re going to have it soon aren’t you?” Finn asked, defeated.
Sam frowned and said, “I’ve tried to tell you for a while! I swear! I just know you don’t tell your roommate much and I don’t want you getting picked on and…”
“When are you due?” Finn interrupted flatly.
Finn was angry; Sam could hear it in his voice and it kind of scared him. “February 20th.”
No words were spoken as Finn realized what was going on. “I need to come home,” he said instantly, looking around his room for his bags.
“No, Finn,” Sam said firmly, even though he wanted Finn to be there with him. “It’s late and you’re coming home next week anyway. Just…come home when you said you would.”
“I’m not missing out on another baby,” Finn shot.
“You’re not,” Sam insisted. “There’s nothing happening right now. I’m kind of getting huge but you’ve seen me like that already. Really…one week is all. Then you’ll be home and you can go to the doctor with me and we can find out if it’s a boy or a girl.”
“Wait…you don’t know yet?” Finn asked, shocked.
Sam looked sheepish as he admitted, “I…no. I wanted to wait for you.”
Finn seemed a little less upset when he heard this, but he was still frowning. “I’m really sorry. I wanted to tell you sooner, Finn, I swear,” Sam said frantically. “I haven’t told Annika yet either. I don’t know how to…that’s why I need you…want you home for Thanksgiving so bad. Christmas, too.”
“I’ll be there,” Finn said seriously.
Sam looked gratefully at Finn before his attention was drawn to the door. Burt walked in, Annika on his hip. “I think she’s ready for bed, Sammy,” Burt told him.
Turning to the computer, Sam said a quick goodbye to Finn, wishing he could have said more, before he signed off of Skype and took care of Annika.
The week leading up to Finn’s arrival was the longest week of Sam’s life. He kept checking his phone, wondering if Finn had decided to skip out on a class and leave early, but it never came. When Carole started preparing dinner on Tuesday night, Sam got really restless. Finn was supposed to be home for dinner that night. A million horrific reasons as to why Finn wasn’t home yet soared through Sam’s brain, but he tried to stay calm and just be patient. Granted, Carole had only just started preparing, but still…Sam was getting impatient.
Annika sat curled up at his side on the couch watching Barbie for the hundredth time. She watched the TV innocently, and Sam wondered if she really understood what he’d meant when he said Papa was coming home for a few days. Evidently she hadn’t, if the look of surprise on her face when Finn walked through the front door was anything to go by. Annika scooted off the couch and toddled over to Finn as he set his bags down. She held her arms up to him and chanted, “Pa! Pa! Pa!”
Finn laughed and lifted her up into a hug, not even bothering to take his jacket off first. Sam slowly stood up, his belly getting in the way. He walked over to them and Finn finally shifted his attention from Annika (who was clinging to him and probably wouldn’t let him go anytime soon) to Sam. “Hey, Sam,” Finn smiled.
His eyes darted down to Sam’s stomach and his smile faded slightly. Sam gave Finn a weak smile and replied with a soft, “Hello.”
Carole rushed into the room to give Finn a hug, and Burt stood smiling in the doorway, happy to see Finn as well. Kurt wasn’t going to be home for Thanksgiving because the commute was just too much, and being away from Kurt for so long was really starting to take its toll on Burt. “Dinner will be ready any minute,” Carole said excitedly. “Burt, honey, can you set the table?”
Burt nodded and helped set the table, and Sam coaxed Annika away from Finn long enough for him to hang his jacket in the hall closet. Annika sat on Finn’s lap all through dinner, even though she could have sat in her high chair. She wasn’t going to be letting go of him anytime soon, and it was actually kind of cute. Sam watched them quietly from across the table, smiling down at his plate so nobody would realize just how happy seeing Finn and Annika together made Sam.
Annika fell asleep in Finn’s arms that night, and the next morning she cried and screamed when Sam got her out of bed until Finn came downstairs and held her. If Sam thought that morning was hell, getting her to let go of Finn so they could go to the doctor was even worse. “Come here, Annie,” Burt said, holding his hands out to her.
Finn looked down at Annika, who was snuggled up to his shoulder, clinging to him for dear life. “No,” she pouted sadly. “Pa.”
“They need to go somewhere quick and have some pictures taken,” Burt explained gently. “It’s a special picture just for you, but they can’t go get it unless you play with me for a while.”
Annika looked up at Finn, then over at Sam, confused. “Picha?” she asked.
“Yep,” Sam nodded. “We’re going to go get a picture for you, so you need to stay with grandpa.”
“Me,” she pouted.
Finn just watched in confusion as Sam seemed to know exactly what Annika was saying. “No, we can’t bring you with us, Annie,” Sam shook his head. “It’s a special place for daddies. But we’ll come home right afterwards okay? Then you can see the picture and play with Papa all you want.”
“But you gotta play with grandpa first,” Finn offered.
Sam smiled softly at Finn before turning his attention back to Annika, who was slowly detaching herself from Finn. “There’s a good girl,” Burt smiled, pulling Annika into his arms. “They’ll be back soon. What do you think we should play while they’re gone?”
Annika’s lower lip trembled as she watched Finn and Sam pull their jackets on, but she didn’t try to escape Burt’s arms. They walked out the door, not looking back. Sam was used to Annika pouting when he’d leave without her; it didn’t happen often, Sam leaving without her, but when it did, it was heart wrenching. “I don’t know how you can leave her all the time,” Finn frowned. “She looked so sad.”
Sam shrugged. “She’s got to learn,” he told Finn.
They climbed into Finn’s car and he slowly pulled out of the drive. “She’ll never learn to be around other people or on her own if we cuddle her all the time,” Sam explained. “It’s sad, and it really sucks, but one day it’ll mean that she’ll be able to take care of herself, which is kind of why we’re even around in the first place, right?”
Finn looked over at Sam and smiled, “You’ve changed.”
Sam’s smile faltered. “Is that good or bad?” he asked nervously.
“It’s good,” Finn insisted.
They exchanged a quick glance before Finn turned back to the road. He drove the rest of the way in silence, Sam staring out the window at the light sprinkling of snow just beginning to fall. It wouldn’t stick, but it was still a reminder of the impending winter and a second baby for Sam and Finn. When they got to the doctor’s office, Finn seemed surprised that nobody was staring at them. When Sam was pregnant with Annika, people would stare at Sam like he was some two-headed turtle at the zoo or something - now they treated him like one of them - just another pregnant person waiting for a check-up.
Sam checked in at the front desk and they took their seats in the waiting room. “Nobody is staring,” Finn commented, confused.
“Nah, most of them know about me now,” Sam shrugged.
It was the truth, too; he’d told them about his condition on his own. Most women had stared and he’d been sick of it, so slowly he’d converse with enough of the women in the waiting room to spread the word. Now they all knew and accepted him, which seemed surprising in a small town like Lima, but Sam supposed the women were different than the men. Yet again, Finn was surprised at how much Sam had grown since he’d left for college - there were no more mood swings, fewer crying fits, and best of all, Sam seemed happy with his life. “Sam Evans?” a nurse called out.
Sam stood and Finn followed. They went back to an examination room and Finn felt a little more comfortable. He was used to this, although he probably shouldn’t be, and he sat calmly next to Sam as they waited for Dr. Lopez. “Finn, good to see you,” Dr. Lopez greeted with a smile. “Sam, how are you feeling?”
“Good,” Sam nodded.
This pregnancy had been a lot easier than the previous, and Sam was grateful. He’d been able to save up a sizeable amount of money now that he didn’t have to worry about bed rest, at least for now. Dr. Lopez had said it might be a possibility in the future in hopes of having a full-term pregnancy. “Let’s see here,” Dr. Lopez said, sitting down and flipping on the machine. “Are we ready to find out if it’s a boy or girl?”
Finn nodded eagerly at Sam’s side, and Sam laughed a little as he said, “Yeah, we are.”
“Fantastic,” Dr. Lopez said.
He began the ultrasound and looked around and took measurements, sneaking glances up to see two very impatient teenagers. It was amusing, but he figured they’d waited long enough, so he said, “Well, congratulations boys…it’s another girl. She’s growing well and looks perfectly healthy.”
Sam smiled, just happy to hear that the baby was still healthy. He’d been more worried about that than anything else, even though he was overjoyed to hear that Annika would have a sister. At least he wouldn’t have to go out and buy new clothes; this baby could wear Annika’s old clothes and it would make things much easier for the whole family, not having to buy all new clothes.
Finn beamed at Sam’s side, excited about another girl, but at the same time sad that it wasn’t a boy - was there something wrong with him that he couldn’t give Sam a boy? Did it make him defective? Finn had so much he wanted to teach a little boy - his son - that he just couldn’t teach a girl, like football or baseball. It was a little upsetting, but Finn was just grateful that Sam and the baby were healthy. Having another rough pregnancy would just make being away at school that much more difficult for Finn.
Sam cleaned off his stomach and had a sonogram printed before they left the office. During the drive home, Sam stared down at the picture in his hands, a small smile on his face. “You’re really okay with having another baby?” Finn asked.
With a shrug, Sam looked up and replied, “Well, it’s not like we can do anything about it. Besides, I think it might be good for Annika. She’s being spoiled rotten and without a sibling; she’ll never learn to share.”
Finn laughed and said, “Yeah, that would definitely be a problem”
“Plus, it’ll be nice,” Sam admitted. “Like, money might be a problem, but it’s nice having a family. I lost the one I’d grown up with just to have this one I have now. It’s a pretty good trade-off, actually.”
“Don’t you miss your mom and Stevie and Stacy though?” Finn asked.
“Of course,” Sam replied instantly. “But they have their life and I have mine. It just happened earlier than it does for most people is all. I get to see them every once in a while and I like it better that way. I feel more independent.”
“You are independent,” Finn revered.
Sam looked surprised at the compliment and let out a soft chuckle. “Well,” he said. “I guess so, but it won’t really feel like it until I’m out into my own place…” Sam slowly trailed off and corrected himself, “Our own place.”
Finn just nodded, his mind instantly flashing to thoughts of whether he’d be able to support Sam and two little girls instead of one. The thought was daunting, but he swore to get out of the dorms and into an apartment with Sam as soon as he could - Finn wasn’t going to back out on that because he didn’t want to lose his family. Skype was not a good enough substitute for real life company, and he refused to let his girls grow up only knowing him through a computer screen.
When they got home, Annika almost immediately latched to Finn. He sat on the sofa and Annika perched on his lap with a doll in hand. Curiously, her blue eyes met his. “Picha?” she asked. “Picha Pa?”
Finn looked down at Annika, confused. He really couldn’t understand her, and he could tell that she was getting frustrated by it. “Picha!” she shouted, her frustration evident in her voice.
“It’s right here, Annie, calm down,” Sam said, wandering slowly into the living room.
He took a seat next to Finn on the sofa and Annika climbed across his lap, eagerly looking at the black and white photo in Sam’s hands. “No,” she frowned.
“That’s your baby sister,” Sam explained. “See, there’s her face, just like yours,” he circled the baby’s face in the photo before drawing a circle around Annika’s face. She giggled and he pointed back at the picture, “And there are her hands, just like yours,” he reached out to hold her hand in his own. “She’s just not here yet.”
“Why?” she asked.
‘Why’ was another word Annika really liked. She would always giggle at how frustrated everyone got when she asked it ten times in a row. “The baby is still in Daddy’s tummy,” Finn explained, reaching out to pat Sam’s belly gently.
Annika looked confused for a minute until Sam led her hand to his belly and put it next to Finn’s. The baby had been kicking the whole drive home and maybe if Annika felt it, she’d understand a little better. Evidently she did, because she drew her hand away from his belly quickly. Finn just stared in awe down at his own hand; he hadn’t felt these things when Sam was pregnant with Annika and it was pretty amazing. “Did she kick you?” Sam asked.
Frowning, Annika nodded. “It’s okay,” Sam insisted, reaching out for her hand again. “It just means she can hear you.”
Sam had no idea if that was actually true, but as long as it would keep Annika calm, he’d go with it. She put both of her hands on his stomach this time, and this time giggled when she felt the baby kick. “Ann?” she asked, looking up at Sam expectantly.
“Nope, you’re the only Annika,” Sam told her. “We need to call this baby something else.”
“Ca!” Annika squealed.
Sam and Finn had no idea what that meant, but Annika seemed to be enjoying the news of a little sister so she was distracted before she could get angry at them for not understanding. Carole and Burt joined them in the living room not much later and Carole absolutely gushed at the thought of another granddaughter. “Congratulations, you two,” Burt insisted.
“Thanks,” Finn nodded. Burt sat in the recliner next to them and Finn asked, “When is Kurt getting home?”
“He can’t make it,” Burt sighed, frowning. “He, Blaine, and Rachel would rather save up and fly home for Christmas.”
It made sense, since the driving conditions were always risky in winter, but Finn could tell that Burt wasn’t thrilled with the idea of not seeing Kurt until December.
As they soon found out, the entire Thanksgiving holiday seemed to remind Burt of Kurt. He refused to sit in the room when the Macy’s Day Parade was on because “Kurt loved it so much it wouldn’t be right to watch it without him.” Carole very rarely left Burt’s side, which meant that most of the day he was helping her in the kitchen as Finn and Sam sat with Annika in the living room watching the parade. Well, Finn and Sam watched the parade - Annika mainly just played with her toys.
Dinner was delicious and Carole made twice as much food as necessary, but Finn ate quite a bit so that made a dent in what had been prepared. Even Annika ate with them; she devoured the mashed potatoes and tore her dinner roll to pieces, but she was happy to be eating with everyone else. Sam tried his best to clean her up as Finn helped Burt clear the table after Burt insisted Carole take a break.
“So…how’s school, Finn?” Burt asked.
Finn shrugged. “It’s good I guess. I mean, my roommate is kind of annoying but the classes are okay,” he admitted.
It was hard to meet people when the only person he had time to talk to outside of class was his roommate, and they didn’t exactly see eye to eye. “I think I might just transfer back,” Finn sighed. “I mean, I don’t want to miss out on both of the girls, and I’m not having fun anyway.”
“Have you met anyone? Made any friends?” Burt asked.
“Well…there are the guys in the show choir band with me, they’re kind of cool…but I only see them during practice,” Finn explained. “And there’s my roommate, but he just drinks all the time, and so do all of his friends. So like, I know people, but…they’re not who I want to be hanging out with. They’re not…”
“They’re not Sam,” Burt finished for him.
Finn looked over at Burt, surprised that he’d figured it out. “Look Finn,” Burt set the drying towel on the counter and gave Finn his full attention. “Making new friends is hard, but it’ll get you through. One day you guys will all be together as a family, but for now, you have to stay there.”
“But I don’t like it,” Finn argued.
“Think of it this way: what will you be doing when you graduate? With this degree, you’ll be teaching - that’ll give you some good benefits and enough money to help support your family. What about if you transfer back here to the tech school? You’ll have a job in a garage or something and trust me, while it was enough for me and Kurt, sometimes it’s just not enough for a bigger family,” Burt explained. “I got lucky - I’m part owner so I make more than others. Some of the guys that work for me, though, they’re not so lucky, and I’d pay them more if I could, but that’s not how these things work. You need to get this degree for them. Stick it out for Sam and your girls.”
Finn sighed and said, “But I’m going to miss everything if I’m gone.”
He frowned and put the last plate in the dishwasher before turning to Burt. “I don’t want to miss out on these things,” Finn argued. “Annika keeps learning new things and I’m not here to see it and it breaks my heart. It sucks.”
“I get that,” Burt nodded. “Trust me, I do. I wasn’t around much when Kurt was little - I had to work so I could support him. It was awful, Finn, and I wish I’d done things differently, but I did what I had to do, and Kurt and I still turned out okay. Your girls are going to love you no matter what you do - which is why you have to think of them every day and remind yourself that they’re why you’re doing this.”
“I miss Sam too, though,” Finn sighed. “It sucks because he seems okay without me.”
“Are you kidding me?” Burt asked. “He misses you like crazy, Finn. I can see this wearing down on him. He acts strong because he doesn’t want you to see that he misses you more than the rest of us.”
Scowling, Finn said, “He could say it once in a while.”
“Why? So you can run home and transfer to a tech school and get some second-rate job?” Burt raised an eyebrow. “No, he’s staying strong because he needs you to do the same.”
Finn looked up at Burt and admitted, “I can’t go three and a half more years this far away from them.”
“Maybe you don’t have to,” Burt shrugged. “The rest of this year, yes, but after that…well, that’s up to you boys. You’re adults now.”
Burt left the kitchen without another word, leaving Finn to think about what Burt had just said. He was quickly pulled from his thoughts when Sam walked in, Annika perched on his hip in nothing but a diaper. “What happened to her?” Finn asked, surprised.
“Mashed potatoes,” Sam laughed. “Her clothes are in the hamper, she just needs a quick bath before bed.”
Finn offered to help and by the time Annika was all cleaned up, Sam and Finn’s clothes were soaked. When she was out of the bath and into her pink Disney Princess pajamas, Annika clung to Finn again. He gave her a bottle before bed and set her down in her crib quietly. Slowly Finn left the room, being sure to make no loud noises as he did so.
He wandered up to his room and was surprised when he saw Sam lying on his bed, curled up and almost asleep in his pajamas. “What’re you doing up here?” Finn asked, walking over to the bed.
Sam gave a little shrug and sat up on the bed, watching Finn nervously. “I missed you I guess. I don’t know,” Sam admitted.
Finn sat next to him and said, “I have to stay in school.”
Sam looked over at Finn and their eyes locked. “I know,” Sam said seriously.
They stared at each other for a minute before Sam asked, “Can we just lay together? You know, the way we used to?”
Finn nodded, his mind flooding with flashbacks of summer when everything seemed so much simpler. Finn changed into his pajamas quickly and climbed under the covers. They kept the door open just like they were supposed to and Sam instantly curled up against Finn. Awkwardly Finn pulled the blankets up and over both of them before wrapping an arm around Sam’s shoulders and pulling him close. Sam’s eyes met Finn’s and they shared one soft, lazy kiss before resting their heads against the pillows and falling asleep.