Jealousy as a Kink

[fierceawakening]

I posted earlier today on monoamory vs. polyamory, and dragonladyflame linked to this post of hers on jealousy. I'm not sure I agree with it, but I found it fascinating food for thought, particularly as I've always felt that the usual discussions I hear of polyamory talk about jealousy in a way that's quite foreign to me, as though it were some bad, nasty, and

Comments

[fierceawakening]

Yeah, this puts it really well. I don't think any emotion is "bad", and in fact I've always felt pretty strongly that those who try to claim they are are dangerous. This exact thing (jealousy is an emotion to be "overcome") did a lot to make me very distrustful of the poly community as I encountered it at first.

[fierceawakening]

Those same poly people will happily insist that it's not healthy to stifle your lust or attraction, yet simultaneously insist it's a good thing to stifle jealousy. That makes no sense to me.

Yes, and the other thing is that, as people have mentioned, jealousy is sometimes the inner voice that tells you someone is not behaving as she ought.

[roykay]

Ehhhhh, I'm sort of Heinlein-esque. People do learn emotions and I think it's as fair to put jealousy under the microscope as, say race hatred. Most emotions are "carefully taught", and there's no more cause for getting your knockers in a twist over a lovers getting attention than a "colored" drinking from the "white" fountain. I really do see a passion to interdict people as seriously problematic. I wouldn't hold "It's not enough for me to be rich. Eveyone else must be poor too." as socially enlightened.

That said, the answer to jealousy isn't paraded disdain, but aid in overcoming it. Sometimes this is as shocking as my previous paragraph; sometimes it's a lot of reassurance and support.

Now I can see PLAYING at jealousy as a kinky, just as one plays with "punishment" "humiliation" etc. In that case, it's, well, just another kink. I am perfectly happy to tell a partner "You're a filthy little whore, dripping cum out of every holem and need to be punished." but it actually a game, not for real.

[fierceawakening]

I think it really depends what "jealousy" means

[static_hiss]

Yes yes yes yes yes, this.

[roykay]

Well, I explained in chat how I dichotomize jealousy and envy: "envy is the desire to have, jealousy is the desire to interdict someone else from having." There are lots I envy, but I would not want them denied. There are none that I wish were not as graced as they are.

[wrin]

I agree with the above, and want to add

[amberite]

I read it as the poster saying they enjoy other people's jealousy when dealt with well.

It's interesting. I never experienced jealousy per se until I got into my current arrangement. I'm still not terribly jealous, but it's there. And it's definitely a two-sided coin. Feeling piqued that my partners are busy with each other or with other people is unpleasant, but the fact that I get to claim their time is pleasant to me - not because they can't choose what to do with their time, but because they can. The fact that if I say "come cuddle with me, NOW" and mean it, my partners will (assuming there's not something critical or important and cuddle-preventing going on) pleases me, and I guess that's a jealous emotion, too

[jonathanchrist]

I found your journal through http://sleazy-bitch.livejournal.com's journal and found your writing quite interesting, but it was this entry that really made me want to add you to my friends page. If this is something that does not interest you for whatever reason just let me know.

-Jonathan Christ

[fierceawakening]

JC (why do I suddenly get the urge to break into a rousing chorus of "Jesus Christ Superstar" now? Hehe),

Feel free to friend me, though I don't think you'll find me all that much like sleazy-bitch... SB is rather one of a kind. :)

I'll friend you back for now, though I might drop you without warning at some point if your journal doesn't have things that interest me in it.

nice to meet you

[jonathanchrist]

Hah, yes she is.

I can't promise my journal will be interesting to you but I won't take it personally if you drop me.