Concrete angel
PREVIOUS
♥
He’s still busy when I get to the bedroom, and it takes me a few moments to decide whether or not to wear a t-shirt. Eventually I leave it off as it’s quite a warm night, and I slip under the covers in only boxers.
A few moments later, he emerges in a cloud of steam, clad in his new pyjama bottoms and a soft tee, freezing as his eyes fall on me. A deep flush creeps over his cheeks, but he just ducks his head and moves towards the empty side of the bed.
“Jay… if it makes you uncomfortable, I can easily crash on the couch. It’s not a problem.”
“N… no…,” he stutters, “It’s… it’s fine… don’t worry… I’m just… sorry…,” he shuffles under the covers and pulls them right up so only his eyes are peering out.
I send him a small smile and reach over to flick off the light. “Night, kid….”
“Night… Jen… Jensen.”
After lying in silence for a few moments, I speak into the darkness, “You can call me Jen if I can call you Jay, deal?”
There’s a soft huff of laughter and the bed shifts, “Deal.”
I grin at the ceiling.
♥
It’s a welcome surprise to wake with him sprawled across me, but it’s a mission to free myself from his clutches. Finally Josh emerges in the doorway, bursts out laughing at my predicament, but dutifully helps me untangle myself.
We both grin as Jared just lets out a small snuffle and curls up in the spot I’ve just vacated, hugging the pillow tightly to him.
I follow my brother out the room. “Any news?”
Josh’s face darkens, “Mr Terrichine has been causing problems with CPS. But some samples have been taken from Jared’s house for tests; the results will be back sometime today.”
“What sort of tests?”
“Semen, pubic hair, saliva. They can use them as evidence to further substantiate the statement Jared gave me. If the DNA found on Jared’s bed, on his clothes, is the father’s or the stepbrother’s, we have a solid case.”
“Oh… God…” I breathe, trying to steady myself against the counter.
Josh just grips my elbow and lowers me to a nearby stool. “Jim’s coming round in a bit, he wants to talk to Jared about his options.”
“His options?”
“Well,” Josh looks away, “Jensen, you know we can’t keep the kid here. The case, after the test results come back, will be sent to the Juvenile court. They’ll probably remove all custody from Jared’s father, and make the boy a ward of the state.”
I bury my head in my hands and try to breathe normally. “You mean… he’s going to be taken into the CPS system? Dragged through foster home after foster home when he could just be happy here? Josh… I really care about him… I don’t understand how it’s possible for me to care so much about someone I’ve only known for a short while, but I do. I just… why can’t he just stay here? I’ll help him find a job nearby if he wants to be more independent, he’s got good grades so he can probably get a scholarship to a university… he can… he’ll be happy…”
I feel him sitting beside me. “I know… Jensen, fuck, I don’t want it either, but… we’ve been damn lucky that they’ve allowed him to stay here while they’re doing the screening. “
“Fuck… fuck… fuck…” I grind out through my fingers, ignoring Josh’s warm hand squeezing my shoulder.
“Jen?” a small voice asks from behind us, making me jump. “What’s the matter?”
Spinning around and roughly scrubbing my face, I try to sound normal as I reply, “I’m… I’m fine, Jared. Don’t worry about it…”
He just continues to cautiously move closer, obviously not buying my lie. I feel Josh leave the space beside me, and suddenly it’s just Jared and me in the kitchen. “Jensen?”
“Hey, I’m okay Jay… I’m just… it doesn’t matter… Come here,” I pull him up against me, wrapping my arms firmly around him and burying my face in his hair, trying to shove away the fear of losing him, instead inhaling his gentle scent and squeezing my eyes shut.
I smile against his neck as he returns the hug, his warm hands slipping across the bare skin of my back, clutching me closer.
“Did you sleep well?” I breathe into his ear.
“Mmmm,” his lips move gently against my shoulder, “Woke up cold…”
I laugh in that half-crying way and clutch him tighter, “Sorry, probably my fault.”
“’s okay… warm now…” he murmurs.
My fingers slide up to cup the side of his face, tilting it upwards. As his soft eyes meet mine, bearing no sign of fear or nervousness, a burst of joy races through me and I gently thumb his cheek, “Hey…”
He smiles shyly, dimples forming beneath my fingers and a flush heating up his skin. “Hey…”
As if drawn by a magnetic force, I find myself swaying forwards, wanting to be closer but not quite sure how to achieve it. The brush of his lips against mine serves as an electric shock, and I jerk backwards, “Shit. I’m… oh, god…” I reach out for his wide-eyed form again, rubbing my hands down his arms, “I’m sorry, Jay. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.”
His hand shakily reaches up, fingers trailing over his lips as if he can’t quite believe what just happened. “Fuck…” I murmur softly, trying to ignore the wave of heat that spreads through me at the sight. Taking a step back, I quickly turn around, pinching the bridge of my nose and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Jared’s a kid, and not only that, he’s also been abused his whole life. The last thing he needs is some perverted teacher confusing him even more.
“Okay,” I clear my throat, “Breakfast. What do you feel like?”
When I spin back around, he jumps slightly, “Uhm…” his fingers fall from his lips. “Pancakes?”
“Awesome,” I smile at him, “You going to help?”
“I… I don’t know how…”
“Neither did I ‘till I had to leave my momma’s cooking.” The moment the words leave my lips, I feel like cursing.
He’s silent for a few moments, his eyes fixed on something outside the window. His voice is barely a whisper when he looks back at me, “Tell me about her… please?”
“Well… she’s… Uh, she’s… well…” taking a breath, I continue, “She’s solid.”
Jared turns around with a raised eyebrow, meets my gaze and his lips quirk into a bemused smile.
“Shut up,” I growl, but I’m unable to hide how pleased I am that he’s smiling again.
“Solid?”
“Yeah, and I didn’t mean fat, okay? I mean, she’s always there when I need her, whether it’s to scold me for being an idiot or to hug me when I’m feeling down. Her pies are the best thing I’ve ever tasted, and she smells of cherry blossoms. She used to chase me and my brother around the house with a fly swatter when we teased Ms. Jody, the elderly woman across the road, and she used to patch us up when we fell out of tree house.”
Jared’s expression softens, but he isn’t as distant as before, instead he just looks wistful. “And she loves you.”
“Yeah.”
He hoists himself up onto the counter, staring down at his folded hands. “My… my mom used to sing… Does your mom sing?”
“She used to. All the old lullabies like Hush-a-bye, rockabye baby-”
“Twinkle twinkle little star?”
“Yeah, that too.”
A small smile forms at the corner of his lips, even as his eyes glaze with moisture, “When… when everything… when it all gets too much… I… always look out my window, up at the stars… and sometimes…” his voice cracks, “Sometimes I can hear her… she sounds so beautiful…” A single tear trickles down his cheek, but he quickly scrubs it away and laughs, “Stupid, huh?”
“No…” I move to stand before him, reaching up to grip the back of his neck and press our foreheads together, “Not stupid at all.”
“I killed her,” he breathes brokenly. “It’s my fault…she… I wish it had been me…”
“Jay,” I murmur, pressing my lips his brow, “Don’t think like that. Don’t ever think like that, okay?”
He chokes brokenly, ducking forward to hide his face against my neck. “I’m sorry… I’m… I’m sorry…”
“Shhhhh, you’re allowed to miss her.”
As if my words trigger something, his body falls limply against mine as he quickly dissolves into harsh, raw sobs that rake through him, all his pent up grief pouring out of him in a seemingly unending storm. Feeling utterly useless, all I can do is hold him through it, whispering words that he probably can’t even hear into his ears and praying for his pain to ease. There’s only so much a person can bear and Jared’s been through far more than any kid should.
“Just let it all out…” I breathe quietly, stroking his silken hair back.
Over his shoulder, I see Josh stepping into the kitchen, his eyes soft with concern. He raises an eyebrow in silent question, but I minutely shake my head and he leaves.
Slowly, the sobs fall away, replaced with shuddering breaths as he gasps for some control. Carefully reaching behind him, I grab some tissues and nudge him with my shoulder so I can see his face. With a small smile, I plaster the tissues against his skin, hiding his tears behind them.
He gives a shaky laugh and reaches up to grab the tissues, wiping his face as he pulls them away. When he looks up again, the only signs left of his breakdown are his glistening eyes and his flushed cheeks. “Thank you…” he gets out with a small, wobbly smile, his gaze falling to the side sheepishly. “I… I didn’t realize I was such a baby…”
“Hey, shut it,” I reply fondly, “You’re not. You’ve just never been allowed to properly mourn her. She was your mother, you loved her.”
Jared’s silent for a few moments, frowning down at the tiles. But when he looks up, his eyes are bright, “She used to make me hot chocolate every morning. I was… I was still holding my mug when…” he cuts off.
So that’s why he freaked out when I gave him a cup. It was probably his first time having it since his mother’s death. “Can you tell me what happened?” I nudge gently, shifting closer to him.
Leaning against my shoulder slightly, he tips his head back, his eyes fixing on the ceiling. “We…We used to go to Susie’s house… She would look after me while my mom was working…”
“Susie?” I ask quickly, wondering what happened to her.
“Yeah… she was so nice… She was going to take me to the beach…. But… my mom was leaving and I just wanted to tell her I loved her…. So I did… she looked back, said she loved me too… she was stopped in the middle of the road and she didn’t see the car…” his breath catches and he glances away.
“It’s not your fault, Jared. You hear me? Not your fault.”
He nods slowly, looking completely unconvinced.
“What happened to Susie?”
Jared shrugs, “Dad didn’t like her, told her not to visit anymore. Said he could look after me himself.”
“Do you remember her last name?”
He frowns, chewing his bottom lip. “No, but we moved here after my mom died, so she’s back in our old town.”
Realising we’ve spoken about this for too long, I stand upright, “Come on, I think we were making pancakes and Jim will be here later.”
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
♥
“Jensen?” Jared asks softly, jerking me out of my daze. “What’s the matter?”
“Uh…” I stutter, trying to stop the heat from spreading across my cheeks, “Nothing… I was just….”
His gaze drops to his lap, where his fingers are entwining and threading nervously. Then he squeezes his eyes shut and slides off the couch to the floor, crawling to kneel before me.
“What… what are you doing?”
Swallowing thickly, he looks up at me through moist eyelashes. “Giving you what you want.” After taking a deep, shuddering breath, he moves closer, pushing my legs apart and reaching for the buckle of my jeans.
I scoot away from him with a small squeak. “What are you doing?”
Ignoring my panicked expression, he just continues to crawl up to me, reaching out to cup the bulge between my legs and stealing an unwilling moan from my lips.
Looking up into his blank eyes, my arousal dissipates immediately and I push him away with a hand firmly against his chest. “No, Jared. Stop it!”
He immediately sags, curling up in the corner of couch, shaking like crazy. After my thumping pulse slows, and conscious thought returns to me, I reach out to squeeze his shoulder, wincing as he jerks and stumbles away. He quickly shuffles across the room and sinks down against the wall, his arms wrapped around his knees and his head hidden from sight.
Running a hand roughly through my hair, I follow him, squatting before his form as I ask gently, “What was that, Jared?”
A soft sob is audible from the centre of the tiny ball and his tear-streaked face rises up slowly. “I’m sorry,” he chokes wetly; self-disgust swirling in his beautiful eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey…” I soothe gently, “It’s okay, I’m not mad. Just… why did you think you needed to do that? Was it something I did or said?”
“No,” he shakes his head, scrubbing a hand over his damp cheeks, “No… I just… You’re so nice… I didn’t… I just wanted to give you what…” He looks down at his shaking hands, “I didn’t want you to hurt me when you took it… so I… I thought…” he chokes out a sob again, “I just… you were staring at me and… and I thought you wanted…”
“Fuck…” I curse softly, reaching out for him and ignoring his attempt to shy away. Scooting to the spot beside him, I wrap an arm firmly around his shoulders, pulling him in. As he curls up against my chest, I bury my face in his hair and inhale shakily, “It’s okay, Jay…” My hug tightens as tears spring to my eyes, “It’s okay.”
“Please don’t send me away,” he begs desperately, “I won’t… I promise I won’t do anything… You can just…”
I clutch him impossibly closer and shake my head, “No… Jared, no one’s sending you away. You hear me? And… Jay… I would never do that to you. Never! Jared, you… fuck….” A spark of pain shoots through me and I feel a tear slipping down my cheek, into his curls, “I’m sorry that you thought I would ever do that… I’m sorry that you thought you had to do that to stop me hurting you. Just… I know that you find it hard to believe, after your father and stepbrother, it’s no wonder that you think that, but… I would never, ever even think of hurting you like that. You hear me? You… you deserve so much more and…”
He lifts his head from my chest and before my brain can catch up, his lips are pressing against mine frantically. I sink into the kiss, raising a hand to his cheek, slowing his insistent movements. A few moments pass as he rises up even further, pressing closer to me, deepening the kiss.
Then I blink, my eyes widening as I realise what we’re doing and with a strangled sound, I drag myself away, thumping my head back against the wall. Swallowing thickly, I’m unable to prevent my tongue from darting out, tasting his salty tears mingled with my own.
He doesn’t look at all fazed, simply smiling a secret smile and ducking down to wrap himself around my chest again. His voice is muffled when he murmurs, “I like that. I’ve never done it before you.”
I choke a laugh and bury my nose in his hair once again as my emotions rage and rebel within me.
♥
Lying here with Jared curled between me and the back of the couch, unable to pull away, I’ve never felt weaker. My body is facing him, my one arm slung protectively over his waist and the other tucked beneath my head, holding myself up so I can gaze freely at him.
Despite knowing that I should pull away and avoid all contact like this with him, I can’t help but feel that by doing that, I would hurt him even more. I should not be holding him like this. I should not have let him kiss me earlier. I should not have done a lot of things, but I have.
And he’s really beginning to trust me now. He doesn’t flinch from my touch, he hasn’t tried anything sexual again, and I don’t think he will. He’s beginning to understand that there is touch without pain and he deserves it.
If I cut it all off now, he’ll be crushed. He’ll think he’s done something wrong and will retreat back into the shell he’s built for himself over the years, and that’s the last thing I want him to do.
There’s also the not so selfless part of me that needs to hold him like this. I don’t know when or how it happened, but somewhere between him swimming in my too-large gym shirt and now, I’ve fallen for him.
Sure, it hasn’t been that lengthy an amount of time, but the condensed emotions and blur of happenings have made it seem so much longer. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more than I want this simple thing: having him safe in my arms.
Before I can stop myself, I find my hand sliding up the dip of his side to sweep the hair from his eyes, exposing his innocent face and causing him to smile softly in his sleep. Something in my chest warms at his subconscious recognition of my touch, and my fingers linger against his delicate cheeks.
He stirs slightly, his legs shifting up to mould further into the hollows of my form, pressing impossibly closer with a soft sigh.
After brushing my lips over his forehead in a gentle kiss, I drop my head down on the cushion and allow the exhaustion of the day to take over me.
♥
“Jensen?” Josh calls quietly, his hand shaking me slightly. “Come on, man. I need to talk to you.”
Silently untangling myself from Jared’s form, I follow my brother out the door, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut.
“What is it?” I ask as I enter the kitchen.
“You need to be careful, Jensen.” As my mouth opens to protest, Josh quickly continues, “I know you think you are, but you’re not. Jared’s not going to be here forever. In under a week, he’ll be taken off to a foster home. What do you expect him to do if he’s so attached to you?”
“Josh, there’s nothing wrong with being his friend.”
“Friend - fine. But can you honestly tell me that’s all there is between you two? Friendship?”
I glance away, swallowing.
“That’s what I thought. Listen, come a week, you’ll probably never see him again. He’ll be gone and… not only that, but you’re his teacher, man!”
“Fuck you, Josh. You think I don’t know this? You think this hasn’t been racing through my head every damn second that I’m with him? I feel guilty as hell, but I can’t change the way I feel about him. And I’m not going to treat him like crap and ignore him just because he’s out of bounds, okay? If…” I deflate slightly, “If I can just help him realise that not everyone in the world wants to hurt him, then that’s good enough for me.”
Josh sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes wearily. “Fine. Do it your way… just… be careful.”
“Yeah, okay…. What’s happening tomorrow? Is Jared going to school?”
“We’ll have to see how he feels, but yeah, probably. I mean, you’ll be there if he needs anything, and his father and step brother are under surveillance, so it should be fine.”
♥
My nerves have never been wound this tightly before and despite my attempts to appear calm, it’s obviously visible to Jared. He stays near me as we make our way up the entrance stairs, his arm just brushing against mine with every movement, and once inside, he sends me a reassuring smile.
“Now, remember to come to my office-”
“-during the breaks. Yeah, I know.”
“And if you need anything at all, just-”
“-come bash against your door. Got it.”
“Alright, kid,” I grumble, reaching up to ruffle his hair, “See you later. Ace all your lessons, okay?”
The smile he sends me is bordering on blinding, and as he heads off with a spring in his step, wearing his new, fitting clothes and looking for all the world like he’s just stepped off the pages of a magazine, I overhear one of the girls nearby squealing, “Oooh, look at the new kid! Isn’t he adorable? I wonder where’s he’s from? Do you think he’s single? Oh, my God, look at his ass!”
For the first time since I started working here, Jared’s wearing short sleeves. His bruises are only visible if you know where to look for them and the tight tee hugs him in all the right places, tapering down to his narrow waist and his gorgeously lengthy legs are clad tightly in his jeans. He looks a damn fine picture and I couldn’t be prouder of him.
Now, if only I could stop myself from longing to bash the cooing girl over the head with her own pink handbag for ogling him. Letting out a soft sigh, I turn and head for my office.
Unfortunately, Mr Terrichine intercepts me in the corridor, and with a death glare and a snarl, orders me to follow him.
Once his office door is locked behind us, he sets his piggish eyes on me, “Want to explain why CPS has been breathing down my neck?”
“I think you know why,” I reply unflinchingly in an icy tone.
“No, perhaps you can detail it out to me.”
Something inside of me snaps and I jerk to my feet, “Mr Terrichine, I have no patience for men like you. You think that just because Gerald Padalecki feeds your greedy wallet, he can do as he pleases with his own son? Have you seen what he’s capable of? Did you see the bruises on that kid’s skin? Or are you just too blinded by your own obsessions?”
“Mr Ackles, how dare you speak to me in this manner? I am your superior. You would do well to pay me a little respect!”
“I have no respect for worthless cowards like you who are too selfish to give a damn about the wellbeing of anyone else,” I spit out, digging my nails into my palm to prevent myself from punching him.
“Get out! I can’t believe I ever thought you fit to hire. Mr Ackles, as of this moment, you can count yourself unemployed!”
“Well, fuck you too and I hope you burn in hell!” Spinning on my heels, I storm out of the office, not stopping until I reach my own.
Once the door is shut behind me, I sag against it with a soft curse, glancing down at my watch and realising I managed to lose a job in under half an hour.
♥
“Sir?” Jared asks cautiously, his head emerging from behind the door. His eyes widen when he spots me slumped against the opposite wall. Quickly entering the room and shutting the door behind him, he hurries over, dropping to his knees beside me. “Jensen, are you okay?”
The laugh I let out is nearly hysterical, and Jared looks startled as I wave him closer. Tugging him into my arms and hiding my face against his neck, I mumble, “Got fired.”
“Oh…” he whispers, squeezing me back, “Was it because of me?”
“No, Jay, it’s not your fault. Mr Terrichine just deserved a talking down. I wouldn’t have done it any differently. I’m just sorry I’m not going to be here while you are.”
“But… what will you do? You need a job, don’t you?”
“Yeah… but it’s okay. Mr Morgan, the principal from the school across town, made it clear that I was always welcome there as a gym coach. And I like him a lot more than Mr Terrichine, that’s for sure.”
Jared relaxes against me, “That’s good.”
“Yeah.”
“But… then why are you sitting on the floor?”
My cheeks burn slightly, but I just shrug, “No clue.”
He laughs softly, his lips warm against my neck, causing my skin to tingle and rise in goosebumps. Lifting his head, he kisses me chastely and lets out a soft sigh before pulling to his feet.
Hoisting himself up onto my desk, he begins swinging his legs back and forth, “Today was weird…”
“Weird?”
“Yeah…” he looks up at me with confusion in his eyes. “People… everyone thought I was new… And…” he frowns down at his lap, “They all wanted me to have lunch with them.”
“Well…” I murmur, trying to ignore the sinking of my stomach, “You don’t have to hang around here with me. I mean, if you want to, you can go hang out with them.”
The kid just runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. “I don’t trust them.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know who they really are,” he replies simply. “I’ve seen them.”
♥
He answers on the third ring.
“Hey, Chris. How’re you doing?”
“Jenny! Nice to know you haven’t forgotten about us. Steve here was getting worried.”
“As if,” I scoff, “You bastards wouldn’t have let me forget about you. Better to do it this way and avoid any unexpected visits.”
“Yeah, yeah. You love us.”
“Anyway, does Steve’s girlfriend still have that dog?”
“That mutt? Yeah, I think so.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief, “Oh, awesome. Can you bring it over tomorrow afternoon?”
“What?”
“Uhm… well, I mean…. Maybe we should have a barbeque or something. But… can you bring the dog?”
“Jensen, what’s going on? You don’t like dogs.”
“Yes, I do!”
“Well, not enough to personally ask for me to deliver one. Now, tell Uncle Chris what’s going on.”
“Fuck you.”
“Nah, I’ll take a rain check. Now, ‘fess up.”
Realising that not only is he never going to let this go, he’s also going to be here soon anyway, I decide to just tell him. “Uhm… There’s a kid staying with me… and he really likes animals.”
“Holy… How in crap’s name did you manage to fall in love with someone in, what is it? Barely two months?”
“Shut up, Chris! It’s not like that.”
“You’re getting all defensive, now I know he’s special. What’s his name?”
“Jared… Wait, no! Dammit, Chris, just stop alright…. His name’s Jared and he’s been through hell. Just… I don’t want to explain over the phone, so can you just come? And bring the dog. You got the key I sent you?”
“Yeah. Okay, man. We’ll see you later.”
♥
Like an idiot, I forget to forewarn Jared about the approaching hoard of raucous guests, so when the door bangs open loudly, he jerks upright, his eyes wide as he watches the corridor.
After letting out a low, annoyed groan of frustration at myself, I yell out, “Chris, that you?”
“Yup, the one and only.” His crooked smile appears in the doorway, “Hey.”
Jared just shuffles backwards along the couch until he’s pressing against my chest, never taking his eyes off the blonde man.
Chris’s eyebrows rise as he peers down at the kid, but his voice is surprisingly gentle when he murmurs, “Hey, kid.”
“It’s okay, Jay,” I whisper softly in his ear, feeling him relax against me, “He’s a friend of mine.”
“Hey,” Jared replies quietly.
Chris shoots him a small smile and then whistles shrilly, causing us both to jump. Just before I can reprimand him for making such a racket, a low bark comes from outside and the sound of scampering feet races down the corridor.
Jared immediately rises up, craning his neck to see, and over his shoulder, I send Chris a grateful grin.
The puppy comes bounding around the corner, tongue lolling out happily, tail wagging crazily, and it heads straight for Jared, who immediately drops to his knees beside the couch. As he gets slobbered all over, Jared just laughs happily, his face positively glowing. And, as if my own emotions are hotwired to Jared’s, all I can feel is warmth spreading in my chest, making me grin like a goof.
I’m jolted slightly out of my daze by the arrival of Steve and Jason in the doorway, but Chris just smiles at me, “I’ll take him to the park down the road, ‘kay?”
My protest is cut off by the sight of Jared’s eyes pleading brightly up at me, his arms full of fluffy dog and a smile wider than Texas on his lips. “Fine,” I sigh, faking annoyance. "But be careful,okay?"
Jared lets out a small cheer and leaps into my arms, brushing a kiss over my lips before dashing out the door, the dog yapping happily behind him.
As I feel the three pairs of eyes boring into me, a blush slides over my cheeks and I duck my head, waving a hand uselessly through the air. “He… he just does that. It’s his way of giving and getting comfort. I… I don’t have the heart to tell him no, okay?”
“You sure have the heart for something,” Chris teases with a grin, “Anyway, I’m off to tame the puppies.”
“Puppies?”
Chris just smirks, does an imitation of puppy eyes, and disappears at a run after Jared.
“Jensen,” Steve starts, taking the seat beside me, “What’s going on?”
I know I have to tell them, but I think the hardest part is deciding where to start. Inhaling deeply, smelling Jared’s lingering scent in the air and gaining some comfort, I get to my feet. “Follow me.”
When they realise I’m leading them to the safe, they pause and Jason mutters, “Not really the time to be showing us your new piece, bud.”
Ignoring him, I begin putting in the combination. It clicks and I swing it open, pulling out a bunch of papers wrapped in plastic. I hand them over silently before quickly leaving the room.
I’ve just made us all some hot chocolate (something that’s become a habit with Jared around), when they return to the living room, their faces sombre
“Fuck…” Steve swears softly, “But he looked so happy with the mutt?”
An uncontrollably proud smile forms on my lips and I nod, “He’s been doing really well here. And…” my smile grows, “he loves animals.”
“Who…” Jason swallows, his expression darkening, “Who’s the bastard who did that to him?”
Instantly my smile disappears and I have to gulp a soothing mouthful before I can reply. “His father and stepbrother. And what you saw there isn’t half of it. What those fuckers did to him…” my breath catches and I can’t continue.
“Is there anything we can do? You know, to help?”
“Well… CPS has been checking his house, I don’t know what they’ve found, Josh knows more than me…”
“Josh is here?”
I smile warmly, “Yeah… big brother to the rescue, huh?”
“And once they have a solid case?”
My gaze drops to my swirling mug and I swallow painfully. “They’re going to take him away. He’ll be in foster care until his eighteenth birthday.”
“Which is when?”
The question catches me by surprise, and I’m horrified to realise I don’t know. I have no idea when his birthday is. What if it had been today? Or tomorrow? “All I know is that he’s seventeen.”
Steve smirks, “The age of consent.”
“Fuck you, pervert. I’m his teacher!”
“Not anymore if Morgan’s telling the truth.”
And I really should have seen this coming, especially considering the fact that Jason works in Morgan’s music department.
“That doesn’t change anything. We’re just friends. Besides, he doesn’t need to have anything to complicate his life even more.”
Steve slings an arm around me, “You know, there’s only a eight year age gap between you two. That’s less than some people.”
“It’s not going to happen, I just-” My speech on why it can never happen is interrupted by the sound of the front door banging open.
“Jensen?” Jared yells loudly, and my heart stops. The blood draining from my cheeks leaves me slightly dizzy as I leap to my feet, racing towards him.
His feet pound the wooden floor of the corridor and he bursts into the room, wearing his dimpled grin. I sag slightly, utter relief seeping through me as I realise just how worried I’d been while he was gone.
“Hey, kid. What’s with all the shouting?”
“Sorry,” he grins, not looking at all apologetic.
Chris emerges in the doorway, grinning just as widely. He slings an arm around Jared’s shoulders and tugs the boy against him. “Me and the squirt were just having a race to the house. Damn boy can run.”
I swallow the twinge of jealousy down at the way Jared’s letting the man touch him, and force a smile on my lips, “Awesome. Who wants hot chocolate? Steve, you want some more? Awesome.” I quickly leave the room.
Despite knowing that I’m being stupid and childish, I seem to be unable to control my emotions. My hands are shaking embarrassingly as I spoon out the sugar, and after nearly knocking over several of the mugs, I slump against the counter, trying to breathe.
It’s not like I expect Jared to only relax under my touch, obviously I want him to become more comfortable around others, but somehow, for some reason, I don’t feel ready to share him. I’ve gotten used to being the one he curls up around, the one he seeks comfort from, and the one who soothes his night-terrors. And despite wanting him to get better and stronger, I’m scared of losing him.
It doesn’t seem fair to have to share him in the short time that he’s here. He’ll be gone soon, taken by CPS, and I’ll probably never get to hold him again. He should be mine.
The realisation shocks me slightly, and I’m disgusted at myself for thinking something like that. But, try as I might, I can’t get the thought out of my head that Jared belongs to me.
Scrubbing a hand over my face with a sigh, I vaguely wonder whether I’m going crazy. In all my life, with all the girlfriends and boyfriends I’ve had, not once have I ever acted like this. And Jared isn’t even my boyfriend, he’s just-
I’m jerked out of my thoughts by warm hands sliding around my waist. The soft, clean scent of Jared’s skin fills the air and I sag back against him, smiling as I realise how stupid I am. Turning around so he can plaster himself to my chest, I bury my face in his hair, “Hey, kid.”
“I missed you,” he mumbles against my neck, reheating the spot in my chest. “Your friends are cool.”
“Yeah?”
“Chris scared me in the beginning, but he was real nice to Sadie and he told me a lot of funny stories about you.”
“Oh, no…” I grumble weakly. “Anything about a tree and a party hat is a complete lie.”
Jared laughs happily, “He said you’d say that.”
“Yeah…” pressing a gentle kiss the side of his head, I pull out of the embrace. “Honestly, I was surprised you didn’t mind him taking you.”
Like always, Jared reads my silent question. “I did mind… but Sadie wanted to play, and if you invited him, then it means you trust him. And if you trust him…” he trails off with a smile, “You need help with the hot chocolate?”
♥
When Josh arrives to find us all camped in various stages of sleep across the room, he navigates his way over the bodies to where Jared and me are sprawled. Squatting down, he whispers, “The CPS has enough evidence to strip all custody from Jared’s dad. The court date will be in two days, on Monday. We’re going to lock the bastards away for good.”
I can’t remember what else happens. I just know I spend the rest of the night wrapping myself around Jared, in a pathetic attempt to block out the world.
♥
Sunday passes silently, with neither of us wandering far from the other. Jared seems to be constantly shivering, his wide eyes darting jerkily towards the source of every sound and his body tensed as if for a fight.
The rare occasions that he relaxes are when he’s curled up with me beneath the covers of my bed. Then, in the small, safe bubble, he turns his face into the dip of my neck and breathes out every fear he has.
He’s scared of what will happen if the court doesn’t find his dad guilty. He’s scared of the anger and pain that will follow. He’s scared of what will happen if the court does find his dad guilty. He’s scared of where he will be sent and to whom. He doesn’t want to leave here. He says he’s only just found me: he doesn’t want to lose me.
That’s when the tears come, and we cling to each other desperately. My attempts to soothe him are choked and artificial, but I don’t know what else to do.
“It’s only a year, Jare… Only a year and then you can come back. You can move in with me, we’ll get you into a college if that’s what you want. We can… I’ll look after you, Jared. It’s only a year. And we’ll keep in contact. I’ll visit you all the time.”
As the words pass my lips, he looks up with fearful eyes, his voice trembling as he whispers back, “A year is long enough for you to forget about me. I don’t…. in a year’s time, I’ll come back and you’ll be…” he lets out a soft sob and looks away.
“And I’ll be right here, waiting for you, okay? I promise, kid.” Reaching out to cup his cheek, I pull him to face me and gently press my mouth over his, sealing the pact. He gasps beneath my lips and surges up, desperation fuelling his movements as he shifts closer. Before I can stop myself, my tongue is nudging its way into his mouth and I’m pressing him down against the mattress.
He lets out a small whimper and fists my shirt, yanking me closer. My fingers slide up through his silken hair, smoothing it out of his face so I can deepen the kiss, and my legs tighten, gripping him firmly between. “Jared…” I breathe hoarsely against his cheek. “Tell me this is okay… Please, Jay…”
His arms loop around my shoulders, his fingers digging in the skin of my shoulder blades as he arches up against me, his face flushed gorgeously. Clear eyes meet mine and he murmurs, “It’s okay, Jen… Need you...”
Peppering gentle kiss over his cheeks, I smile against his skin, “So gorgeous, Jared. So gorgeous, I can’t believe it.”
I laugh gently as he flushes even further, his eyes dropping in embarrassment. After sucking his bottom lip softly, I brush my thumb under his eye, “It’s true.” Ducking my mouth to brush against his ear, I whisper huskily, “I could hold you forever and it wouldn’t be long enough.”
This has the desired effect, and his eyes brighten with laughter as he slides his fingers under my shirt, causing my breath to catch and a shiver to race through me.
Reaching back, I quickly shrug the offending material off me, desperate for more of Jared’s touch on my bare skin. His eyes trace over my chest in awe, and as he brushes his fingers along it, he murmurs, “You’re so warm… like you’ve been in the sun.”
I know there are more sappy things I could say in response, but I’m unable to stop my mouth from seeking his. He steals a groan from me as his hands slip down my back, brushing just under the waistband of my jeans.
“Let me see you?” I beg softly, reaching for his shirt.
After a few moments of hesitation, he nods, raising his arms as I tug it off. “Fuck,” I swear quietly as his quivering chest is revealed. It’s clear that he’s still embarrassed and awkward, so instead of admiring him openly like I want to, I instead lower myself down, pressing our chests together and cradling his face in my palms.
“Jen…” he moans, his eyes fluttering shut as I grind my arousal down.
It’s so hard not to just attack and ravish him, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. He’s so hot: gasping and flushed beneath me, his fingers tugging me closer and his lips parted slightly. I’m gentle as I slide my palms over his bare skin, relishing the texture of his smooth form beneath the pads of my fingers.
In the time that he’s been here, his body has filled out. He’s no longer skin and bones; instead, he has a healthy flush of muscles that flutter beneath me. Without the horrid bruises and with time spent in the sun, his skin is tanned a golden chestnut colour. As I press kisses down his neck, it feels like I’m touching something sacred, and when he cries out beautifully as I close my mouth over his nipple, I can’t help the smile that forms on my lips.
My fingers trail down to the button of his jeans, lingering there as I whisper softly, “I want to make you feel so good. Can I?”
With a soft sob, he yanks me up again, pressing his lips desperately against mine as if to gain strength, then he nods.
Scooting down on the bed, I carefully begin to open his jeans. After slowly pulling them off him, I reach for his boxers, hesitating once again and waiting for his nod. When I pull the last item of clothing off him, he shivers, turning his head to bury it in the pillow.
“No, Jay…” I breathe, sliding up to pepper kisses over his damp cheeks. “You have to look at me. I need to know that you’re okay. And you have to tell me if you want to stop.”
He reaches up with a shaky hand, carding his fingers through my hair, “Love you…” he whispers, sounding pained.
My heart stutters and it takes a few moments before my lungs can function again, but when they do, I seize his lips with mine, locking our tongues together and gently nipping at his bottom lip. “Love you too, Jared… Fuck, I love you so much.”
“Never… never felt like this…” he chokes out. “I… it always hurt… it hurt so bad, Jens… This… this feels so good…”
Gently kissing the tip of his nose, I breathe, “This is how it should be, Jared… It should be special.”
“Please… show me?” he begs softly, arching up against me as if giving himself over.
Kissing a trail down his torso, dragging my fingers over his responsive skin, I continue murmuring reassurances to him. When my lips move over his dick, licking the aroused flesh softly, he lets out a low moan, spurring me on.
I know he’s never had one of these before, so I want to make this as special as possible. Gently sucking the tip of his member into my mouth, I swivel my tongue over the side, causing him to cry out in pleasure.
“Please,” he begins begging, his hand reaching down to fist my hair, “Don’t… it’ll… I don’t want to hurt you… don’t want to hurt you…”
Quickly pulling off him, I thread my fingers with his soothingly, “Jared, it doesn’t hurt. Not when we both want it. I promise you, you’re not hurting me.”
“But… but…” he shakes his head, tears leaking out of his eyes and causing my throat to close up.
“Jared, shhhh, it’s okay. Look,” I push his hand down between my legs, “There, feel that? I want this as much as you do, trust me.”
His eyes are wide as if he can’t believe I can possibly enjoy sucking him off, but he nods slowly, his head dropping back down onto the pillow.
Sliding down once again, I reach for his dick, fisting it a few times before taking it in my mouth. He tastes surprisingly good, like lemons and sugar, and I really wasn’t lying when I said I enjoy this.
As his orgasm nears, I shove a hand down my pants, grasping my own erection and jerking myself off as I begin sucking in earnest. He comes with a small cry and I happily swallow everything he has, coming myself a few seconds later.
Reaching for some tissues, I quickly wipe myself clean, before tucking us both back in our boxers and properly shucking off my jeans. He’s completely melted, sprawled over the mattress like a gift from the heavens, and it’s not at all hard for me to pull him into my arms and drape a blanket over us.
Gently tilting up his chin, I make sure he’s looking straight into my eyes so he knows I’m not lying and whisper, “I love you,” before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “J'ai découvert le vrai bonheur le jour vous avez marché dans ma vie.”
He frowns, looking puzzled, “What does that mean?”
Smiling secretly, I murmur, “I’ll tell you sometime.”
♥
CONTINUED