Concrete angel
PREVIOUS
♥
Monday comes far too quickly, bringing with it a dark cloud that hovers over all of us. After waking Jared up with a mug of steaming hot chocolate, I wriggle behind him until he’s sitting in the V of my legs and then pull him back against my chest, pressing my lips to the nape of his neck and whispering, “Morning.”
He leans his head back against my shoulder, twisting so I can give him a soft, lingering kiss, and, somehow, he manages to muster up a small smile to cheer me up. “Hey.”
“You ready for today?”
One of Josh’s lawyer friends came by yesterday, chatting to Jared about his testimony. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to be on the stand for long, due to the considerable amount of evidence collected both by the doctors and CPS, but it’s still going to be emotionally exhausting, and all I can hope for is that he still has some time with me after the court is adjourned so I can make sure he’s okay.
“As I’ll ever be,” he whispers back, only the tiniest tremble giving him away.
After carefully taking the half-empty mug of hot chocolate away and placing it safely on the nightstand, I wrap my arms around him, squeezing him tightly against me and closing my legs together so he’s completely surrounded by me. “No matter what happens,” I murmur against his neck, “I’ll make sure I see you. And if your foster parents have an issue with me showing up, then they can just deal. I’ll find you, Jare… I promise you.”
“You did find me,” he whispers back. “You were the only one who ever did.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to do it again, huh?”
“You better.”
“And you have the cellphone I got you so you can call me anytime, maybe you shouldn’t tell the foster parents about that. And if… if they aren’t… If they do anything you don’t like, you let me know, alright? And… I’ll send you a message every night, so you better reply. I don’t know where the foster parents will be living, but even if it’s in some random town across the state, I’ll still come see you. And-”
“-I love you,” he interrupts, twisting in my arms and sealing our lips together. “When I first saw you, I was so scared. I thought you would get mad about the sports clothes, but you didn’t. I thought you’d be disgusted by the bruises, but you weren’t. When everyone else ignored me or made fun of me, you were the only one who ever cared. I’d miss school for weeks, once even a month, and no one would notice. But, I missed four days and you showed up at my house, I… I was so scared because you were so perfect and I didn’t want you to see me, because if you didn’t see me, you couldn’t become like one of the others. But you proved me wrong on everything, because you’re nothing like the others. You’re just as perfect as you were from the back of the class when I first saw you.”
When I try to open my mouth to say something in response, nothing comes out except a garbled choking sound, but Jared just laughs damply and ducks forward to bury his face against my neck.
Josh comes in a few moments later, only sighing softly at our positions and nodding his head towards the door, “It’s nearly time.”
♥
“If I… if I think of what the worst times were, when it first started, I’d say it was the day after. After he’d hurt me and used me the night before, he’d come into my bedroom in the morning and he’d be nice. He’d never use my name, sure, that was only the first time he… he raped me, but he would be nice in other ways. When I’d have to rush to the bathroom to throw up, he’d follow me and hold the hair back from my eyes. When… when I couldn’t see because my eyes were so swollen, he’d help me get dressed. “
Jared stops, swallowing thickly as his eyes roam the room, landing on me before fluttering away, “It almost became worth it. The worse he hurt me, the nicer he’d be the next day. And he… he almost made me feel grateful for the beatings or… other things… because he’d be nice to me. And… sometimes when I was feeling dizzy because there hadn’t been any food, I would want him hurt me in the hopes that he’d give me some food the morning after.”
The lawyer wanders up to the witness box, his spectacled eyes fixed on Jared as he asks, “And what was the worst he ever did to you: the very worst physically?”
Jared stares down at the floor for a few seconds before replying, “I was about fourteen when… when he used something different. It was the first time he chained me… he thought I was moving too much, so he got four handcuffs… I was facedown on the bed… he had taken my clothes off and…” Glistening tears begin pouring down his cheeks, but he doesn’t stop, “He… he used ‘toys’…. A whip. A gag. A knife….” Jared stops crying and his eyes glaze over blankly, “After he used me, he began to put other things in: big things. I could feel myself being torn apart like usual, but even worse. I was bleeding worse than ever before… there was so much blood…. After… he left me there… I couldn’t move, I could barely breathe with the gag in. Could feel… drying between my legs… on my back. He left me there for two days… I remember Nathan came in on the second day, I actually tried to beg him from behind my gag, but Nathan just laughed, waving his lunch in front of me before leaving the room…. I thought I was going to die… And when… when he came to let me go, he was so nice. But I never believed him after that. I had to skip school for a month to heal, because he wouldn’t let me go to hospital.”
When Jared is finally allowed to step down from the podium, there are uncontrollable tears streaming down my cheeks and my whole body is trembling as I try to keep my sobs in. Jared quickly slides in beside me and allows me to throw my arms around him, hiding our faces in the dip of each other’s shoulder.
“You’re so brave,” I whisper hoarsely into his ear, “I’m so proud of you.”
He just clutches me tighter.
♥
The court sentenced twenty-five to life to Jared’s dad and six years to Nathan. Everyone’s delight over this verdict is dampened by the judge’s announcement that Jared is now a ward of the state: which means he’s going to be relocated soon.
♥
Hey, Jensen. I just arrived at their house. It’s big! There’s a porch and a huge garden, but it’s too perfect. Everything’s trimmed and cut into unnatural shapes. I prefer your one. Mr and Mrs Rolley are nice. But if they smile anymore their faces are going to crack. And you should see Mrs Rolley’s nails. They’re longer than her fingers! Well, not exactly, but you get the point. I really miss you and your room. The room they’ve given me is big, empty and cold, with it’s own chandelier and fireplace. It’s too cold.
How is it working at Morgan’s school? Are there any abused school kids you can rescue? Just joking. Anyway, I’d better go, they’re ringing the bell for supper. (The BELL?)
♥
Hey, Jensen. I really miss you. I know, I know. I talk to you every night, but it’s not the same. The new school I’m at is so posh. And Mr and Mrs Rolley have bought me all these horrible, fancy clothes. I just want my pink shirt back! Everyone at school acts like they own it, and they’re all smoking around the corners and doing stuff I know you’d kick my ass for. The only one around here that I can talk to is Chad, the neighbour’s kid. He’s annoying, blonde, and a douche, but he’s okay once you get to know him.
Can you really visit? Won’t Morgan mind you skipping a few days from work? I’ve spoken to the Rolleys, and they’re - well, not happy - but they’re okay with it.
And I really want to see you. Chad doesn’t believe me when I tell him how green your eyes are. He says I’ve made you up and that no one can be that perfect. You’d better come prove him different. Love you.
♥
Jen!!! I can’t believe you got me that! He got delivered this afternoon, so it was perfect timing! It was so funny to see the Rolleys' faces when Harley began running around the house. The only reason they let me keep him was because I made them feel so guilty about not allowing me to invite you for Christmas. But it’s so nice to have him here. The house doesn’t feel so empty anymore. Thank you a thousand times! I wish you could have been delivered as well. Then I would have shown you just how grateful I am.
Did you get what I sent you? I asked Josh to help me find it, but I paid for it with my wages from the coffee place. I hope it’s okay, it feels so stupid after what you’ve given me.
♥
Hey, Jen. I know I’ve just gotten off the phone with you, but I feel better just writing this down. It’s getting really tough here, some of the guys at school found out about my past… They’re not very nice about it. If it hadn’t been for Chad, I don’t know what I would do. He’s like a stubbornly loyal guard dog. The Rolleys don’t understand. They expect me to just laugh and be happy as if someone’s waved a magical wand. They keep buying me presents I don’t want, and they get angry when I’m too quiet.
Harley misses you, she wants you to be here to take her for walks with me like we did when you visited. Alright, fine. Harley isn’t the only one missing you. I miss you so much it hurts. My bed feels so cold at night and it’s hard to sleep. The messages you leave me on my phone? I play them sometimes just to feel closer to you. It’s pathetic, I know, but it works.
This year can’t end soon enough.
♥
The time has finally come. In two days it’s his birthday. In two days I can go pick him up and steal him away forever. In two days, I’ll be able to hold him again.
Despite visiting him numerous times, emailing, calling every night and even mailing letters, I still feel like I haven’t seen him all year.
Even though I know everything’s ready - having checked it a thousand times before, I still stroll through the house, making sure everything’s perfect.
Sadie is here, now mine after Steve’s girlfriend moved away, and waiting for Harley to arrive, and the bed is made with the sheets Jared likes, and the cupboard is stocked with everything from hot chocolate to Jared’s favourite cereal. I’ve fixed up another desk in the study so he has some workspace for when he starts his student studies (he’s decides to be a lawyer to help people as much as he can), and I’ve set up another deck chair out in the back garden. Everything has to be perfect.
Okay, if I have to admit, my obsessive fussing is mainly because I’m nervous. It’s been three months since I last saw him, and even though I spoke to him last night, things could have changed. What if he doesn’t want to come back here? What if he’s found someone better? What if-
“Jeez, Jensen. Stop already. The house is perfect, you look good and Jared will love it and you. Quit your worrying.”
“What are you doing here again?” I grunt at him.
Chris just laughs, “As if I’d miss the kid’s homecoming. I love the squirt. Besides, you need someone to keep you calm on the drive, else you’ll probably freak.”
“Yeah, we should go, I don’t want to be late for him.”
Shaking his head with a snort, Chris just mutters, “He hasn’t even moved in and you’re already whipped… Oh, wait a minute… you’ve been whipped since you first saw him in your oversized t-shirt, isn’t that right?”
Furious at myself for ever allowing Chris to be near me when I’m drunk, I just ignore the blonde, check my hair in the mirror one last time and mumble, “We should go.”
♥
We pull up beside the huge house, and before I can even get myself completely out the car, Jared is lunging at me, his toned muscles shifting beneath my fingers as I greedily try to feel all of him at once. He’s laughing and hugging and there might even be tears, but they’re gone when he pulls back. “You made it!” he cheers, his eyes sparkling happily.
“Of course I made it. You think I’d miss your birthday for the world? Are you ready to get out of here?”
“Oh, you have no idea,” Jared breathes, ducking his head (and when did he get so tall) to press his lips against mine.
Behind us, Chris clears his throat, “And where’s my greeting?”
Grinning, Jared dutifully pulls away from me, turning to engulf Chris in a hug.
“I’d better go say goodbye to them,” Jared murmurs, glancing back at the house.
“You go on, we’ll just put your bags in the car.”
On the front steps of the house, Jared hugs Mrs Rolley and shakes Mr Rolley’s hand. I know they haven’t been the best of parents, but Jared says they did try.
Footsteps on the gravel behind me announce the arrival of a familiar face. “Hey, Chad,” I greet cheerfully.
“What’s up, Jenny-boy?”
I scowl at the nickname but before I can come up with a response, Jared is pulling to a halt beside us.
“Chad,” he murmurs, seconds before he throws his arms around the blonde, hugging him tightly.
“Look after yourself,” Chad mutters against Jared’s neck as he pulls away.
“You too,” Jared nods. “Keep in touch.”
“Will do.” Chad turns towards me, “Jensen, can I talk to you?”
Surprised, I nod, “Yeah, sure.” I follow him out of earshot of the others.
Rounding on me, he glares at me menacingly, “Now, I don’t think I need to tell you what will happen to you if you hurt him. He’s still broken up over his past, but he sees you like his beacon of light, like you can do no wrong. Just… don’t break his trust, he needs something completely solid in his life, and it seems to be you.”
Touched at Chad’s affection towards Jared, I startle us both by pulling the man into a hug. When I pull away, he looks extremely awkward. “Thank you for looking after him while he was here. I promise I’ll do my best.”
Nodding at each other, we turn back to the car, where Jared and Chris are gaping at us.
♥
When Jared steps into the house, he lets out a sigh, his shoulders relaxing as if all the tension’s dropping off him, and breathes, “Home.”
I come up quietly behind him and slip my arms around his waist, pressing him back against me. “Where you belong,” I murmur.
Turning in my arms, he smiles down at me, his beautiful, tanned face breaking out his secret weapon of dimples and making my knees weak. Cradling his face in my palms, I gently begin pressing kisses over his skin. “You’ve grown,” I whisper softly.
He just smiles.
But it’s so true: his body has grown into itself. He’s no longer an awkward teen. He’s now a man, comfortable in his own skin, tall and muscled, skin golden from sunlight and hair so silky I never want to take my hands out of it. He’s absolutely stunning and I can’t believe he’s mine.
But he is. Pulling him in even closer, I steal one last kiss before moving back. “Why don’t you go pack your clothes away while I make us some lunch?”
♥
When I step into the bedroom, he’s staring out the window, watching the dogs playing in the garden, his eyes distant and remembering.
Realising I’m here, he looks up, a small smile forming on his lips as he tells me, “I’m okay.”
And I know that it’s true.
It's funny that way, you can get used
To the tears and the pain
What a child will believe
You never loved me
You can't hurt me now
I got away from you, I never thought I would
You can't make me cry, you once had the power
I never felt so good about myself
♥
Jared was nearly nineteen when he finally broke free of his father’s ghost.
He shivers beneath the older man’s touch, unsure of which way to turn or what to do. Their breathing is heavy, amplified by the silence around them, and Jared’s feels like he’s on fire. He arches up, desperately trying to get more friction, but Jensen just smiles seductively and sucks the younger man’s bottom lip into his mouth.
“Please, Jen…” Jared begs, desperate for something, anything.
Spread-eagled across the bed, his limbs chained to the corners, Jared is completely exposed, and he knows this, his whole body trembling with the need to get away. The only thing preventing this is the steady weight of his lover on top of him. Jensen’s hands are gentle as they roam the younger man’s body, tracing the firmly cut contours and murmuring soft words of love. It’s only his presence that keeps Jared aroused.
As his fingers slide down to tease over Jared’s hole, the kid sobs out, his face contorting and twisting away. Jensen immediately slides back up, taking his boyfriend’s face in his palms and kissing him sweetly. “It’s okay, Jare… it’s only me. I won’t hurt you.” He lovingly brushes the tears away, his own chest spiking in pain at seeing Jared like this, but he knows it has to happen. Jared asked him for this, the least Jensen can do is follow through.
“Kiss me back,” he whispers in the younger man’s ear, knowing that kissing is the only thing that has never been tainted for Jared.
Slowly, his lover begins responding, sinking into the kiss and some of his fear seeps out. When he pulls away, he nuzzles the older man’s neck and murmurs brokenly, “Now, do it…”
Obediently, Jensen slides down again, trailing his lubricated finger over Jared’s hole as he sucks Jared’s dick into his mouth. Taking the distraction for what it is, Jared arches up, trying to ignore the intruding finger.
Jensen is unbearably gentle as he stretches the younger man, and the combined stimulation has Jared moaning softly, his head thrashing on the pillows. Humming around his lover’s dick, Jensen adds another finger.
A few torturous moments later, Jared cries out, “Now… fuck, Jen… now…”
Swallowing thickly, Jensen pulls his fingers out, moving up to kiss his boyfriend, soothing them both as he slicks up his throbbing member and guides it Jared’s opening.
“Trust you, Jens… Only you…” Jared pants, his eyes locking with Jensen’s as the older man begins to push in.
When the pain becomes to much and Jensen can see it flittering across the younger man’s gorgeous face, he seals their lips together as they wait it out. Finally, Jared sobs, “Move… please…” and Jensen gently pulls back before thrusting in smoothly again, causing Jared to arch up off the bed with a cry.
Quickening his pace, Jensen begins thrusting, hard and deep thrusts that hit Jared’s prostrate each time. It’s obvious that Jared can’t go on for much longer, so Jensen begins jerking his lover off in time with his movements.
With a hitching sob, Jared arches up into Jensen’s thrusts one final time and comes. The clenching of his muscles milks Jensen of his own orgasm, and as one, they sag down onto the bed, panting harshly.
When dampness falls on his forehead, Jensen realises with a sinking stomach that the younger man is still crying. He gently pulls out of his boyfriend and raises his head, asking softly, “Jare, you okay?”
Jared just looks away and whispers, “Untie me, please?”
Swallowing the bile in his throat, Jensen quickly moves to do so. Once all four bonds are undone, Jensen crawls back up to his boyfriend, desperation spilling into his voice as he asks again, “Jared, please tell me you’re okay.”
Slowly, Jared turns back to the older man, smiling gently as he whispers, “I love you.”
Letting out his breath of air, Jensen lets out a shaky laugh and rolls his boyfriend over, quickly spooning him from behind and hugging him close. “J'ai découvert le vrai bonheur le jour vous avez marché dans ma vie.”
“You still haven’t told me what that means.”
“It means, ‘I discovered true happiness the day you walked into my life.’ And it’s true.”
Jared grins back at him and the older man laughs, nudging his nose against his lover’s neck.
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me
♥