Concrete angel
PREVIOUS
♥
Jared’s back at school the following Wednesday, still wearing his improvised sling. I spot him as he enters the school. His face has lingering bruises, but it looks like he’s got cover-up on. As he makes his way painfully through the crowd of people, no one even looks up. It’s like he’s a ghost who doesn’t exist.
A wave of anger passes through me and I realise that this abuse has probably been going on for ages; it’s just that no one bothered to notice.
“Hey, Jared,” I call from my car, smiling as he hesitantly heads towards me, “Hop in, I’m just going for a quick coffee, I’ll have you back in time for class, I promise.”
His eyes widen in terror and he begins babbling, “Sir, please… I’m sorry about your sweater…. I… it tore when I…when I had the accident… I… please don’t be mad… I’ll… I can… work to pay you back… I’ll… I can clean... I’ll do anything…”
Quickly stopping him, I try not to punch the steering wheel, my only consolidation is the thought that Jared’s dad will soon be behind bars. “Jared, it’s okay. I don’t care about the sweater, really. Don’t worry about it. But come on, let’s grab some coffee.”
He frowns slightly, but winces as the bruise is pressed. “Sir?” he asks softly, his voice small and unsure.
“It’s okay, just coffee, maybe even a muffin.” I shoot him my most winning grin and I see something crumble in his eyes.
“Okay… if you… if you want, sir…”
Luckily, being school counsellor, I have permission to take kids off the premise, so it’s not like I’m breaking any rules.
The fact that he winces as he sits down does not escape my notice, but I don’t say anything as I pull out of the staff parking lot.
The whole way, he doesn’t move or shift or say or do anything. When I break the silence, he jumps as if I yelled, “How’re you feeling?” I ask softly.
Clearing his throat, he glances nervously at me, then back down at his lap, “Fi…fine, sir… Just… fine…”
“Don’t lie to me, Jared. Please, don’t lie to me.” I turn towards him, “Look, I saw… okay? I heard and I saw and I’m not fucking stupid.”
He flinches and cringes at my words, utter humiliation spreading across his face, “Sorry,” he whispers hoarsely.
“It’s not your fault, Jared… You need to talk to me… I can’t help you if I don’t know what he’s doing to you…. Why are you sore when you sit down? Why is your fucking arm broken? Why is your face bruised like that?”
“I…” he looks out the window, his eyes glistening, “I… I can’t… sir… please, don’t make me…. I can’t…. And… it’s not broken, sir…. Just… just sore.”
“What’s the excuse going to be today, huh? Slipped and bashed your face into the bathroom sink?”
A tear slips down his cheek and it’s like a punch to my gut. “Sir… I… I deserve… deserve it all…. Please… please don’t tell…. I can’t… he… he’ll be mad…”
“Why do you think you deserve it? Jared, what would make you think something like that?”
His face crumbles and more tears slip down his face, “I… I deserve it all… Please… just…”
“Okay,” I breathe softly, reaching out to wipe the dampness from his face, “Alright, what do you feel like? Should I just run in and get us some muffins?”
When his blank look is all that meets mine, I nod, “I’ll be right back…”
♥
Josh arrives the following day and I nearly start crying when he hugs me.
“You okay, man?” he asks softly, squeezing my arms.
“Yeah… it’s just… everything’s… I just… it feels like I’m the only one who cares….”
“You probably are.” Josh replies sadly, “When can I see this kid?”
♥
On Friday, I get written permission from Sandy to take Jared home under the pretence that he’s sick. Well, he’s hurt more than enough to pull that off. But instead of taking him to his house, I’m going to take him to mine.
He looks up at me with wide eyes as I lead him towards the car, “Where… where we going, sir?”
“I want you to meet someone… he’ll help you… help us both…”
“What… what do you mean?” He asks softly, sounding terrified.
“Don’t worry, you’ll see.”
After we’ve been driving in silence for a few minutes with me getting increasingly worked up at the thought of Jared’s father, he asks softly, “Are you… are you mad at me?”
I blink at him, “No. God, no, Jared. I’m not mad at you.”
“Oh…” he smiles faintly, “Good… I don’t…I don’t want you to be mad at me…”
I pull up on my driveway and he steps out slowly, grimacing in pain before turning his eyes on the house. “Who lives here?”
“I do…”
“Oh,” he murmurs softly, glancing around at the blooming greenery and the flowers, “It’s nice.”
“Thank you,” I step up behind him, gesturing for him to make his way towards the front door, but before he’s taken two paces forward, the door opens and Josh steps out.
Immediately Jared tenses and shies backwards, his back coming in contact with my chest. I feel like grinning goofily when he doesn’t pull away.
“Jared, this is my brother, Josh. He’s a police sergeant.”
Quickly turning around, Jared’s terrified eyes meet mine and he begins pleading with me softly, “Sir… I’m sorry…. I’m sorry… I don’t know what I did… the sweater… Oh, God… I’m so sorry… please… don’t send me away… I’ll… they’ll tell him… please, don’t.”
“Shhh,” I brush my hands down his shoulders before sliding my arms around his waist, pulling him in for a gentle hug, being careful of his sling, “It’s okay, Jared. He’s not here to take you away, and he’s not going to tell your dad. He just wants to help you…”
“Why?” Jared chokes, burying his face in my shoulder.
“Because I asked him to, because I want him to.”
“Will it make you not mad at me if I talk to him?” he asks quietly.
“Jared, I’m already not mad at you, but it would make me very happy.”
At that he pulls away from me, turning back to Josh who has watched the whole scene with a raised eyebrow.
♥
About two hours later, they come out into the living room. Jared’s face is streaked with tears and he’s still crying. I instantly jump to my feet, holding my arms out for him. He shuffles up to me slowly, tentatively sliding into my embrace and letting me take some of his weight.
Over his shoulder, I search Josh for signs of how it went, but Josh looks just as shaken, his face ashen and his eyes watery.
“It’s okay, Jared. It’s okay…”
Josh puts away a small notebook and gestures outside. Understanding what he means, I quickly nudge Jared towards the couch. “Why don’t you watch some TV for now? I’m just going to talk to Josh for a bit.”
Jared just nods, not looking up as I follow my brother out the room.
“Well?” I turn to Josh, who only shakes his head.
“The things… the things those bastards did to him… God, I just feel like tossing all my police ethics and storming in there with a smoking gun.”
“I’d be right behind you,” I murmur as I flop down on the couch. “Wait… there’s more than one?”
Josh makes a face, “It’s the father and the stepbrother.”
“Goddammit!” I growl.
“Yeah, and while I’ve got enough here for him to have a pretty good case against the fuckers, the problem is, with the school not cooperating, and there being very little actual proof of the abuse, they could easily get away with it.”
“So what are we going to do?”
“Take him to hospital to see if there’s any physical evidence remaining, take photographs of Jared’s injuries, get the nurse - what did you say her name was? - to testify…”
“He’s not going back there, Josh,” I state firmly.
He nudges my shoulder, “Jensen… this is going to take time…. We… the last thing we want is to be accused of abducting the kid. I’m calling CPS now; we’ll get them involved.”
“But-”
“Jensen, I know. But we need to follow procedure.”
Dropping my head, I nod with a sigh, “Yeah… it’s just… I don’t know, Josh. I really care about this kid…”
Josh nods, his eyes warm, “He is a pretty awesome kid, I’ll admit…”
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me
You’re by my side
Now everything’s fine
And I was hiding
'Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know?
How did you know?
♥
The doctors give him a proper sling for his arm: luckily it’s just fractured slightly, so it will be fine in a couple of days. They also do a Sexual Assault Forensics Exam and various other tests. Josh asks me to remain outside, so only he, Jared and the examiner know exactly what happens in there. All I know is that when Jared comes out of the exam room, he’s shaking to his figurative boots.
Josh does hand me the stack of Polaroids, though. And it’s more than enough to give me nightmares for the rest of the year.
♥
Jared steps out of the bathroom with the towel around his shoulders. The boxers I gave him are too large, barely hanging onto his thin hips and I nearly punch a wall at the sight of clear finger-shaped bruises just disappearing below the waistband.
He shivers, looking so lost and nervous that I immediately jump up, “Come on, Jare. Let’s get you sorted.” He follows me silently to the bedroom. “Can I put more cream on your bruises? I know the doctors gave you some antibiotics, but this should help you sleep.” I murmur softly.
Startled, he glances up at me, then down at his bruised chest, instinctively covering them up. I don’t say anything as I dig for some more Arnica cream.
Nudging him towards the foot of the bed, I tug the towel from his shoulders and open the tube. But when he hisses as he sits down, I realise something that makes my stomach sink lower then my shoes, but I grit my teeth to stop myself swearing and throwing things around, I don’t want to scare the kid any more.
Swallowing thickly, I begin to rub the cream over his chest and back. He shivers as my fingers slide over the bruises at his hips, but the worst is when I have to put some on his cheek. His hazel eyes peer up at me in confusion, shimmering slightly, and so heart-wrenching that I nearly start crying myself.
Pulling back the covers of my bed for him to slide carefully in, I run a soothing hand through his hair and smile down at him, “Go to sleep, Jared… It’s okay. He’s not going to hurt you… not while I’m around…”
As he slowly relaxes down on the bed, looking even more innocent and fragile, I tug the dark duvet until it covers him to the chin.
“Night, sir…” he breathes.
I laugh hoarsely, “Call me Jensen…”
“Night, Jensen…” he mumbles obediently.
“Sleep well, Jared.”
I head out the room and carefully shut the door behind me.
Josh is on the phone, probably talking to CPS again, so I head towards the kitchen, pouring myself some juice. I begin pacing aimlessly, until I’m unable to stay still any longer, so I head towards the bedroom.
“Jensen,” Josh stops me, holding a hand over the mouthpiece of the phone.
“I’m just checking that he’s okay…”
After a short silence, Josh nods, “You know…he’s very attached to you too.”
I smile softly and push open the door.
Jared’s curled up in a fetal position, hugging a pillow tightly to his chest; his face slack and tilted upwards, resting on his hand like a small child. He’s absolutely adorable.
In the slitting light of the world outside through the blinds, I examine him for what feels like the first time. Reaching out to brush the still slightly damp bangs out of his face, I smile as he turns into my touch.
There’s just something about him that tugs in my chest, something in the sadness and silence that makes me want more. I want to see him smile and laugh and run and play like a normal teenager. I want him to be happy.
Beneath the bruises, it’s clear that he’s extremely handsome, with stunning eyes and fine features. He could have all the girls chasing him, and I’ve heard from some of the other teachers that he’s really sharp. He has a lot of things going for him.
And it kills me that the one thing going against him should be the thing he gets most of his support from. How can a father do this to his son? It just doesn’t make any sense. Shouldn’t a father be the solid wall to turn to when a child needs help?
Jared lets out a soft snuffling sound and I grin down at him, reaching out to stroke through his hair, before suddenly realising that I really shouldn’t be doing this.
Sighing quietly, I grab a nearby chair and set it beside the bed, wanting to stay in case he needs anything.
♥
I must have drifted off, because a few hours later, the sound of harsh sobbing has me jerking awake.
He’s thrashing around, crying and pleading for something to stop. His back arches and he buries his face in the pillow, “Please… I’m sorry… sorry… Please… don’t….”
Unable to stand it, I move towards him, running a hand down his side, calling softly, “Jared, hey, man. You’re okay…. You’re safe….he can’t hurt you here….”
Jared gasps and twists, his body trembling under my touch. When I squeeze his arm slightly, his face convulses, and he breathes, “Please… please…”
I shake him again, “Jared, wake up, it’s a dream… it’s just a dream!”
With another shudder, he falls still, his eyes fluttering open. Slowly, he focuses on me and croaks out softly, “S…sir?”
Smiling in relief, I brush a hand over his cheek, “It’s Jensen, remember?”
As his eyes dart down towards his bare torso and then back at me, he flushes and his hands come up to shield himself from me. Swallowing thickly, I head towards the dresser, pulling out a warm long-sleeved shirt. “Here, this should fit you,; it’s a bit small for me.”
He’s so tall he should be bigger than me: if he was properly fed, he’d fill out and be able to wrestle me easily. But as it is, due to that bastard of a father, he’s like a pole. A flush of anger sweeps over me and I have to step away.
Slowly he pulls it on, looking back up at me with confusion swirling in his eyes. “Sir… Jen… Jensen?” he asks softly.
“Yeah?”
“Are you…” he ducks his head again, “Are you mad at me?”
My breath hitches at how easily he reads me and I automatically move forward, pulling him into a reassuring hug, “No, Jared… I’m not mad… Not at you… I’m mad at your father… he should never have hurt you like this…”
Jared begins shaking in my arms, but when I think I’m hurting him and try to pull back, he only clutches harder. “He’s… he’s going to be… angry…. He’ll… he…”
“Shhh,” I rest my chin on the top of his head, rocking him softly, “It’s okay, Jared… It’s okay… I’m not going to let him near you… not if I can help it, okay?”
As I feel him relaxing, I pull him closer to me, shifting so my back is against the headboard and easing his head down on my chest, letting him curl beside me.
Keeping an arm firmly wrapped around him, I ask gently, “How’re you feeling?”
“I… better… I feel better…”
“Good,” I breathe into his hair, “That’s very good.”
♥
When Josh walks in the next morning, it’s to me lying on my back with Jared curling around my chest, his arms hugging me tightly. Josh frowns slightly, letting me know that he’s not entirely comfortable with the sleeping arrangement.
But when Jared, disturbed by my movement, lets out a muffled sound and presses closer, Josh’s eyes soften and warm, a fond smile spreading over his lips.
Taking the seat, he whispers quietly, “Yesterday, the CPS sent people to Jared’s house. They found bloodstains on his sheets and his clothing wardrobe was nonexistent. The kid has virtually no possessions. With all the forensic evidence from the hospital yesterday, there’s enough to substantiate that he’s been abused, so they gave me permission to keep him in care for the night. I came in to tell you, but you were already asleep.”
I nod slowly, “So does that mean…?”
“It means that CPS is still doing their stuff, but because it appears that Jared is in immediate danger, they’re allowing me, as a certified police officer, to foster him in the meanwhile.”
A grin spreads over my face and I heft Jared closer, “So that bastard can’t touch him again, right?”
Josh nods, “Yeah, well, we’ll have to see what the CPS find, they’re going to be interviewing neighbours and other teachers at the school, pupils, everyone who might have noticed something… Jared’s dad and stepbrother will probably be taken in.”
“What was the father’s reaction?”
“He’s furious, absolutely outraged that anyone would accuse him of abuse; he goes on and on, coming up with a solution for everything.”
“What did he say the blood on the sheets was?” I growl softly.
Anger flashes in Josh’s eyes, and he spits out, “Apparently, Jared gets nose-bleeds in the night.”
“The bastard,” I snarl, disturbing Jared and making the kid whimper. Running my fingers soothingly through his hair, I press my lips to the side of his face and whisper softly, “Sorry, it’s just me…”and he relaxes again.
Josh checks his watch, “I’m going to head to the station here, do some work. You take care of him.”
When Josh leaves, and there’s no one here to tell me off for gazing sappily at the sleeping kid, I can’t take my eyes off him. A bubble of warmth swells inside of me, getting larger with each passing moment as I cradle him closer. His lips are parted slightly, his eyes fluttering behind his lids, and the bruises only serve to make him look even more innocent. He’s like an angel.
A blush spreads over my cheeks at the thought, but it’s so true. Broken and bruised, yet so fucking beautiful it makes my chest ache. And the fact that he’s curled up in my arms, trusting me while he sleeps, only increases the ache.
There’s a soft yawn and his sleepy eyes blink open, only to widen as they land on me. The way he leaps back should have been expected, but it still makes me feel like I’ve been slapped, and the bubble inside of me sadly deflates.
His wide eyes dart between us, relaxing when he realises we’re still fully clothed.
“Hey,” I murmur softly.
Ducking his head, he slowly sits down on the bed, “Hi… Jensen…”
I shoot him a smile at my name and slide out of bed, “Come on, you must be starving.”
As if on cue, his stomach lets out a rumble and I burst out laughing. He just flushes and looks mortified, “I’m… I’m sorry…” he mumbles, flinching when I move towards him.
“Hey, Jared, it’s okay… Listen; let’s get something straight now…. Okay? Firstly, I will never and I mean never hurt you. It doesn’t matter whether you think you’ve done something bad or not, I won’t ever hit you or hurt you in any way, neither would Josh, so you don’t have to be scared of us…. Secondly, I want you to trust me. I know you barely know me and everything’s been happening very fast, but I really do care about you… so you can just relax. I know it’s weird because I’m kind of your teacher, but I’m only twenty-five, I don’t think I qualify as an old geezer yet, what do you think?”
A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips and he shakes his head, “Not yet.”
Grinning, I nod towards the kitchen, “Come on, what do you feel like?”
He stares blankly at me, and I ask softly, “You feel like pancakes?” When there’s no response, I nod, “Okay, pancakes it is.”
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
♥
“Jared, what do you want to watch?” I probe gently, gazing at the kid curled on the opposite side of the couch.
“I… I don’t… don’t know what’s good,” Jared mumbles, his face flushing adorably again.
Barely stopping myself from tucking the kid in my arms and never letting go, I grin and slide over the remote, “Just flick through until you see something you think is interesting. I’m going to make coffee. You want some?”
“Uhm…”
“Or hot chocolate?”
Jared head snaps up, his eyes wide and hopeful. “Please…” he stutters, “Hot…hot chocolate...”
Frowning slightly at the odd behaviour, I nod slowly, “Okay, I’ll be back in a sec.” And if I take extra care to make the perfect cup, well, no one’s going to know.
When I return, Jared hasn’t touched the remote, isn’t even looking at the TV.
“Hey,” I nudge him slightly, sliding the mug over, “You okay?”
Jared doesn’t reply, his eyes fixed on the steaming beverage. Silently, with a trembling hand, he reaches out for it.
When he takes a sip, a muffled sound escapes his lips, much like a sob, and he jerks, spilling some on his pants and a bit on the couch. Leaping up and spilling even more, he starts a mantra of apologies, desperately trying to wipe the hot chocolate from the seat, but actually making more of a mess.
Falling to his knees on the floor, he turns his tear-streaked face towards me, “I’m… I’m so sorry… I’ll… I’ll… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
Quickly moving before him, I reach out to soothe him, but he just recoils, raising a hand to protect himself. From me.
I ignore his begging and shying away, and instead just firmly grab his arm, pulling him up onto the couch and into my arms, pressing his face against my chest and cradling his head.
He just begins sobbing even harder, apologising through his tears even as he clutches desperately at my shirt.
“Shhhhh, Jared… it’s okay… I’m not mad… I’m not mad…. Never mad at you, okay? What’s the matter? Jared…. Please… tell me what the matter is.”
“My….my… made… I…the day…” Jared’s sobs incoherently, his tears seeping through my shirt and making me press him tighter against me.
“It’s okay, Jay… it’s okay… Come on, kid… look at me.” I brush his hair from his face, smiling gently down at his blinking form. “There you go… that’s better.” As my fingers trail down his cheek, wiping the dampness away, his eyes flutter closed, his body leaning minutely into my touch, and for a moment there, I can’t breathe.
Once we’ve both calmed down, I gently nudge him, getting a muffled, “Wuh?” from my chest.
“What do you say we get this mess cleaned up and head out to the park? Get some fresh air?”
He nods slowly and pulls away with a sheepish grimace as his eyes fall on the wet spot on my shirt. Glancing around at the couch cushion, he winces as well. “I’m sorry…”
“Hey,” I interrupt him, ruffling his hair fondly, “It’s okay, and it was an accident. It’s not like I haven’t done worse. Besides, it’s easy to clean up.” Quickly unzipping the pillow case, I peal it from the cushion and head towards the washing machine, bundling it inside.
“Come on, let’s find you some other clothes.”
I get him to try on various items from my dresser, finally settling on a nice black button-down shirt and some slacks, which unfortunately slide halfway down his ass but still barely reach his ankles. “We should go buy you some clothes that fit,” I murmur, determinedly not checking out his ass.
“I…” he shifts awkwardly, his face beetroot, “Sir- Jensen, I don’t…. my dad…I don’t have any money for clothes.“
Moving towards him and adjusting his collar, I smile at him, “I know that, kid. I’m going to get you clothes.”
His eyes dance away and his tongue swipes out over his lips, an annoying habit he has when he’s nervous, which drives me absolutely crazy, “Jensen… I can’t… you don’t have to… I don’t… I don’t need anything….”
“Jay…” I let out a soft sigh, “Look, I want to buy you clothes, I want to look after you. Just let me, please?”
I track the movement of his throat as he swallows, and I smile at his hesitant nod. “Great, I’ll just go get changed, then we can go to the mall via the park.”
As I’m about to step out of the room, his soft voice stops me. “Jensen….”
“Yeah?” I turn with a raised eyebrow.
“Thank you.”
Feeling my cheeks heating up, I clear my throat and nod jerkily, before quickly fleeing the room.
♥
The delight that lights up his face serves as a kindle in my chest, warming me up from the inside, making it impossible for me to not return his dimpled smile. Standing on the top of the jungle gym, his eyes turned upwards towards the skies, and his face happy and relaxed, Jared makes an image I won’t forget for a long while.
“Jen,” he calls, his excitement causing him to shorten my name without thinking about it, “Come up, please. You have to see what it looks like.”
Grumbling to put on a show, I make my way up, moving to stand beside him, “Goddamn kid. Can’t you see I’m an old man?”
“Sure,” he replies with a laugh, tugging me closer and pointing, “Look, can you see?”
“What?” I squint in the direction of his finger.
“There, can’t you see them?”
“What exactly am I looking for?” I ask, shifting that tiny bit closer to him just because I can.
“The chicks,” he replies with a shake of his head as if he’s wondering why I don’t see them.
Ignoring the sinking of my stomach, I glance around at the ground, “Dude, what chicks? There’s no one here.”
The look he sends me is of utter confusion, but he moves right up beside me, pointing again, “There, in the tree. Can you see them?”
Peering through the foliage, I spot the nest and nearly sag with relief at the fact that he’s ogling birds. Shooting a glance at his complete joy at watching them, I murmur softly, “They’re gorgeous.”
Perfectly happy to let Jared bird-watch, I lean back against a metal bar, eying him and wishing he could always be this carefree. He’s just so full of life, practically glowing with it now that he’s in the warm sunlight, and I realise this is a glimpse of the person he actually is. Behind the fear and pain, there’s this young, bouncy kid with dimples and a grin wider than Texas, and he might just be wedging his way into my chest.
Then, as if a switch has been flicked, he falls still, his dimples dropping away and sorrow claiming his face once again.
“What is it?” I ask softly, moving to stand beside him again, our shoulders pressed together.
Eyes still fixed on the nest, he whispers his reply, “Their mother is there.”
I glance at the birds and watch the big bird diligently feeding them as they all chirp away, then I shift closer to Jared, wrapping an arm around him and squeezing him gently. “Let’s head on to the mall, shall we?”
After leaning into me for a few seconds, he pulls away with a nod, sending me a small but grateful smile over his shoulder, “Yeah.”
♥
“What about this? This one’s nice,” he murmurs, coming out of the booth wearing a pink shirt that I am certain was not in the pile I dumped in his arms.
“Uhm…. It’s pink…”
His grin just widens and my resolve to toss the pink shirt back over a clothes rack crumbles. Waving a hand with a resigned air, I just groan, “Fine.”
Catching him eying various other hideously colourful items, I quickly move forwards, steering him towards the normal stuff and shoving a few things at him. “Try these.”
Numerous piles later, we finally have a heap of stuff that not only fits him, but also makes him look as hot as he is. After seeing him in one of the tight, black shirts, it took me a while to get the flush from my cheeks and I had to fake a coughing fit. Jeans were more of an issue, due to his thin waist and insanely long legs, but we eventually managed to get him some.
As we head towards the register, Jared begins shifting anxiously again. “Jen…” he starts, running his fingers through his hair, “I…”
“Jay…” I growl in warning, causing him to fall silent immediately, dropping his gaze to the floor. Reaching out, I gently squeeze his hand, “Like I said before, I want to do this for you.”
The smile that spreads on his lips is warm, not as wide as his full dimpled one, but somehow more intimate. Squeezing my hand back before pulling away, he wanders over to the nearby fish-tank.
It’s nice to watch him without any tension in his body, completely relaxed as he splays his fingers against the glass, peering down at the brightly coloured fish. He’s definitely an animal person.
I’m just wondering whether a puppy would fit in my place when the woman behind me gives me a tap, and I realize I’ve been standing motionless and staring at Jared for the past few moments.
Flushing, I quickly hurry towards the counter.
♥
When we get back to my place, it’s to find Josh and an older man sitting in the living room. They both glance up as we enter, and as Jared shuffles behind me, I reach back to soothe him silently.
“Jensen,” Josh finally says, “This is Jim. He’s from CPS.”
“Hi,” I step forward, shaking the man’s hand.
Jim nods, his eyes falling on Jared, “Hey, bud. How’re you doing?”
After glancing nervously around, Jared mumbles, “’m okay…”
“Good, good. Now, I was wondering whether you’d be okay to chat a bit…”
Jared shoots me a pleading look and I immediately step forward, “Jim, it’s quite late, and we’ve had a busy day. Would you mind if we did this tomorrow?”
Jim’s eyes focus on me, seemingly summing me up, but eventually he nods, “Sure.” He turns back to Josh, “Sergeant, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
As Josh goes to see the man out, I gently steer Jared towards the bedroom, where I begin packing his clothes in alongside my own. He silently heads towards the window, staring out. “Thank you. I don’t… You’ve been… It’s the first time…” he turns, his eyes filled with gratitude, “Thank you.”
“You deserve it, you know? Your father has no right to treat you like crap. You deserve to be cared for.”
Jared’s gratitude doesn’t even waver slightly. “But you don’t owe it to me. I’ve done nothing but spoil your sweater, cry all over your shirt, spill hot chocolate all over your couch… and you… you’ve given me… today was probably the best day I’ve had since I was five.” He laughs dryly and turns away.
Moving to stand behind him, I can’t stop myself from reaching out, placing my hands on his waist, ignoring his cringe at the sudden touch as much as I can, and pulling him into my arms. With my nose pressed to the side of his neck, I breathe, “Well, it was one of the best days I’ve had too.”
This time his laughter is more real. “Sure, yeah, right… like I’ll believe that.”
I tighten my arms around him, “Fine, so I lost a sweater that I didn’t really like anyway, got a few tears on my shirt, I got some hot chocolate stains on my couch, none of that matters. I like hanging out with you.”
He sags back against me, hands flittering lightly over my own as he murmurs, “Sure…”
Resting my forehead against his shoulder for a few moments, I concentrate on inhaling his warm scent and try not to drift off. Jared squirms slightly, letting out a small giggle that has a grin spreading over my lips as I spin him around. “Dude, you’re ticklish!”
“I am not,” Jared protests stubbornly, even as he dissolves into laughter under my sneaky fingers. “Ahh, no… no… Please… Stop!” he pleads, but I’m so delighted to be the cause of his laughter that I just continue.
We both jump as the door bangs open, and Jared’s laughter falls away as he sees the anger on Josh’s face, immediately ducking behind me, hiding his face in the dip of my shoulder, shivering as if he’s expecting a beating.
“Jensen, what are you doing?” Josh all but screams.
“What am I doing? I’m not the one terrifying Jared right now!” I yell back.
Seemingly struck out of a daze, Josh glances at the kid, his face paling as he realises what I’ve said is true. “I just heard… and thought…”
“Thought what?” I get out, suddenly furious with my brother, “That I’d ever hurt him?”
“No… no… I just…” Josh looks away guiltily, “What were you doing?”
“Tickling, why? Is that against the rules or something?” I snarl back.
“Please…” Jared soft voice whispers, the boy tugging nervously on my sleeve, his eyes wide when they meet mine, “Please don’t fight….”
Josh moves towards us, reaching out to rest his hand on Jared’s shoulder, squeezing slightly as he murmurs, “It’s okay, I’m sorry for scaring you.” He looks up at me apologetically, “Jensen, can I quickly talk to you outside?”
Once we pull the door shut behind us, Josh glances at me, “I’m sorry, bro. I never thought you’d do anything like that… I just… I really don’t want Jared to get hurt… He’s been hurt by so many people who he should be able to trust and I just heard sounds of him struggling and it just… I didn’t put it together that it was you in there with him. It was just an automatic response. I really care about the kid and I’m gonna make sure the bastards who hurt him get what they deserve.”
“Hear, hear,” I wholeheartedly agree. “And it’s okay, I know how you feel: that kid’s really growing on me. It’s like… I have to look after him or I won’t feel whole, you know? He’s just… he’s like… like a dusty box that’s been tossed around it’s whole life, but when you take the trouble to wipe the dirt off, you see what a beautiful box it is… and don’t even get me started on the personality hiding inside the box….”
Josh chuckles softly, “Damn, I’ve missed your similes.”
“Wish I could say the same for your paranoia.”
“Oh, ha ha. You’re hilarious.”
“Why thank you.”
Josh shakes his head with a grin, “Come on, let’s see what the kid feels like for supper.”
♥
After a cheerful meal of spaghetti bolognaise, Jared begins yawning and despite his attempts to hide it, I’m not fooled. “I think it’s bed time.”
“No…I’m fi--” Jared’s cut off by another yawn.
“Uh huh. Okay, so… bed….” I glance at Jared, wondering whether I can get away sleeping with him again, but he just ducks his head with a blush.
Josh clears his throat, “Well, I’m off to the spare room. Night, boys.”
Busying myself with packing the dishes in the dishwasher, I hear Jared quietly putting away the other bits and pieces from the table.
Finally, he breaks the silence, “Jensen… I… would… can… I mean…. It’s a big bed… I…” he trails off, gaze fixed on the tiled floor, and I feel giddy with relief.
“Yeah, it is a big bed…. You sure you don’t mind?”
“No, of course not. I mean… it’s your house anyway.”
“Okay. Let’s go to bed then.”
He shoots me a dimpled grin and wanders towards the bedroom, stopping at the door. “Can I use the bathroom first? Do you mind?”
“Nah, go ahead, I’ll use the other one.”
♥
CONTINUED