(Untitled)

[babarian_kat]

I hurt, period.  And my husband keeps getting mad at me because I forget things.  He still thinks fibro is a "phantom disease" and that fibro fog is an excuse I use to explain why I am not paying enough attention to certain things.  And I do seem to get "lost in the fog".  But I don't want to.  I sit in group (I'm in an intensive day program to

Comments

[babarian_kat]

You're right. I know that, too. Geez, what were we working on Monday. Oh, yeah. Los Angeles, 1978. That's what I was writing about. I wrote everything up to when I met the guy. I never even counted that as trauma because I wasn't raped. I agreed to everything. But, still, to a 15-year old fresh off the bus from Kansas? Okay, and dredging up that poem probably didn't help either. All of that was from my runaway years. And today, a woman in our group had been hurt. This was the first time she was talking about it at group level. Yeah, reasonable days to dissociate - both of them.
And the thing is, I've been trying to do too much. Today, it was like my body and my mind just said, "Kathleen, you are not going to work on your memoirs today. You are lying down, and you are taking a nap. NOW!" Luckily, I was home when it happened.
Did I write a "long-ass post?" I don't remember. Fibro-fog.
Well, I'm up, now. Time to do dishes so we can eat. At least there's not a huge amount of lifting or thinking involved.
K.

[babarian_kat]

Yeah, I had thought that was somebody else, because I thought I had remembered thinking, "do I have the energy to read a long post right now?" I'll go back and read it now. Still, going to bed early tonight would seem like a good idea.

[marsidotes]

I'd say that his lack of compassion is a bit on the abusive side. You should never have to "worry" that he is going to get pissed for any reason. Fear is abuse............I lived with that for 40 years. Tell him his attitude is not appropriate. I hope you manage to sleep at night. But when you run out of spoons, you need a power nap.......it will replenish you and it doesn't have to be a long nap either.

[babarian_kat]

He's just been generally annoying lately. Is the relationship healthy? Probably not, but it's very long-term (15 years) and untangling myself is hard when part of me doesn't want to do it and part of me does

[bettrwrittendwn]

you've never had a nice thing to say about him, Kathleen.
Emotional abuse is still abuse.

[babarian_kat]

You haven't read my journal. Sometimes we go out and go to the Farmer's Market and go to a movie. I don't have to defend him to this group.

[bettrwrittendwn]

No, you don't, but some of the things mentioned can really degrade a person's self esteem. A person can always have their perks, but that doesn't mean your relationship is at a good point. And I'm not saying you have to leave him. But at this point it might be a good idea to consider some kind of couple's counseling- if he is unwilling to admit something exists that is causing you a great deal of stress, and whats more, thinks you're just making up excuses, your relationship is headed towards a really rocky road. I just wanted to suggest that you try to get help for the BOTH of you.

[babarian_kat]

I'm not ready to leave him. I could try to ask him about couple's therapy again. The pattern in the past has been he's all for it, but when I try to press him for a day and time, he has things to do before he can think about that. He's avoiding it. He has told me before that if we ever went to counseling, all he'd have to do is tell the counselor about the way I behave, and I'd have to start doing a lot of work on myself, because I was more messed-up than I thought, and I didn't tell my individual therapists about the important things (actually, I do, and we work on the ones that seem valid. Sometimes, my case worker tells me that the particular behavior is a coping skill that I will lose when I get healthier and find better ones.
Oh, well. I'm overwhelmed right now. Maybe we could stop the public scrutiny of my

[marsidotes]

It looks like you got bombarded and I am so sorry. Most of us want only to help you. This fibromyalgia is a serious thing and difficult at best to live with. I'm sorry if I contributed to the burden.

[babarian_kat]

It's okay. I was at a poetry reading tonight and my fibro was very activated. It seems not to like extremes in temperature. I guess that's normal, because there was another woman there with fibro, and she related. She and her husband took me back to my place afterward. Her husband is so much nicer. He opened the van door when I said I was in too much pain to deal with heavy, closed it for me, and opened it again when I got out.
Actually, I'm sure Mark would have done the same thing if it was another woman we were driving and not me. They're different in public, aren't they? Anyway, Mark made me quesadillas when I got back. I told him I was in way too much pain to do dishes, that I would work on them tomorrow after group. He accepted that. I also told both our housemate and him that I wasn't taking any more trash out, I got hurt too badly last time. Neither of them objected, so at least I don't have to do that again.

[bettrwrittendwn]

I second this. I didn't mean to be blunt when you are already facing a lot of problems. But just so you know, we are all trying to support you, not push you into something you don't want. Again, I wasn't trying to insist you leave your husband- as previously mentioned by another poster, I don't know the intricacies of your marriage and can't tell you how to manage it. If its not what you want, and you're not ready, thats perfectly fine. I'm not going to look down on you for that, you have my full support. I'm sorry that I was judgemental of your situation, I don't know enough about it

[babarian_kat]

I was taking the lead a lot at the beginning. A couple of the women seemed to think I was monopolizing the group, so I started being quieter. I'm not real good at finding the middle ground yet. It's either too much or not enough.