Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 22, The Deathly Hallows
Argh. I know I promised more updates over Christmas, and they didn't happen - I suck. I promise there will be more soon.
Anyway.
After the excitement of the last chapter, it's a relief to return to the pleasant and predictable quiet of camping. The last sentence is a lie.
The title of this chapter is "The Deathly Hallows". The book, you will recall, is also called The Deathly Hallows. The book is mainly about, well, camping. This chapter isn't even really about the hallows - we've already gone over those in the last couple of chapters. It's almost like she's going overboard to prove to me that the hallows are important and significant and interesting. Or she's just messing with us, whatever.
According to the Lexicon's summary of this chapter, Harry "realises" the resurrection stone is hidden inside the snitch, but I think it's more like he convinces himself it's true, because why the hell would it be there? OK, I know it eventually is there, but my point is, it's not like all the evidence points to it and it all suddenly makes sense. He pulls the explanation right out of his arse. But I'm getting ahead of myself; the chapter starts with a good four pages of Hermione insisting the hallows are bullshit and Ron umming and ahhing and not knowing who to side with before Harry suddenly remembers hearing the name "Peverell" in connection with the ring that became the horcrux, and before you know it his imagination has run away with him and he's convincing himself that the ring horcrux had the resurrection stone set into it and, moreover, that Dumbledore put said resurrection stone inside that old Snitch he left Harry in his will. The whole sequence strongly resembles this genuine clip of John Travolta introducing Tom Cruise to Scientology.
Harry keeps on and on about how it all makes sense. Hermione rightly points out that it doesn't make any bloody sense at all, and he's not so much jumping to conclusions as making up crap. I'm put in mind of a variety of things here. To begin with, I'm reminded very strongly of some of the old Atari games I played as a kid - the ones that were called "strategy" but really involved making a series of guesses until you hit on the right answer. For example, in the game Spellbound Dizzy, there was this one bit where you had to get past a big skull-like thing called The Beast, only as soon as you stepped in front of it, it mauled you (well, touched you, but this is like 8-bit we're talking about) and you died. I tried everything I could think of to get past it before caving and calling the walkthrough phoneline, which was 50p a minute and earned me a bollocking from my Dad. And it turned out, the thing you needed to get past The Beast was... a talisman, resembling a thermos flask, that a leprechaun gives you earlier in the game. And when he gives it to you, he makes a big deal about how it's good for headaches. The character you play in the Dizzy games is an egg with a face on it and boxing gloves for hands. It doesn't even have a head. My point is, getting past The Beast unaided requires the same kind of leaps of imagination and tenuous guesses as Dumbledore asks of Harry and, inexplicably, gets.
On the other hand, I'm also reminded of this one time when my sister got really stoned with her friend Flora and wrote in a notebook thinking she was being totally profound, and the next day she looked at the notebook expecting to learn the meaning of life and it just said "If Flora was black she'd have an afro".
Sigh. This is why Harry should not be allowed to think unsupervised.
Anyway, Hermione calls Harry on his bullshit, making the (excellent) point that if Dumbledore wanted them to find the hallows and use them to their advantage, why didn't he just tell them that? Why leave a handful of crap clues, many of which are utterly reliant on chance anyway? Harry's answer is that they were supposed to find the hallows themselves, because it's a Quest - and I'd like to point out the capital Q, which is JKR's, not mine. I swear she is laughing at me. Again, it's really annoying that all this turns out to be for real. It's almost like Harry isn't a person at all, but a character in some kind of book, written by someone making very little effort to present things in a believeable manner - but that's just ridiculous, right?
Anyway, right after this, Ron finally succeeds in tuning into the underground resistance radio show, Potterwatch. The password required to access it is "Albus", which is laughably easy to guess. At the end of the programme, they announce that the next password will be "Mad-Eye". I would put money on the next few passwords being "Dumbledore", "Harry Potter", "Potterwatch", "Albus", "Harry", "Potter", and "Harry Potter".
The show is presented by Remus Lupin, Fred and/or George Weasley (is there actually a difference?), Kingsley Shaftlebolt and Lee Jordan. They all have the most lame, n00bie handles ever - truly spork-yourself-in-the-eye, oh-god-I-want-to-hang-myself stupid. The worst of all is "Romulus", which is Remus Lupin's "codename" and is just really, really fucking idiotic. Oh, Remus, I hope they don't crack your code! And I cannot stress how sarcastic that needs to sound.
... Actually, it's just occurred to me that if Remus's codename is "Romulus", then he must know that his name comes from the legend of Romulus and Remus who were, of course, suckled by a wolf. Doesn't that bother him? Surely he must have spent at least a few nights in his life lying awake wondering about the massive coincidence involved with his name? There's a whole massive tangent there, I think. I have a soft spot for names that reflect the character's traits or whatever, but I think as a device it needs to be used sparingly, especially when you're creating a whole world. It's fine in a single book or when the character in question is never going to be heard from again, but when you start giving this Remus Lupin dude a history and a family and a life, then we start asking questions and raising eyebrows.
And like I say, this is one that really needs to be used sparingly. Because when you have Remus Lupin (a werewolf) and Fenrir Greyback (also a werewolf - and the werewolf names are particularly grating when it's essentially a transmitted condition, not an inborn trait) and Sirius Black (who turns into a black dog), as well as minor characters called Xenophilius (who loves strange things) and Ludo Bagman (who gambles) and god knows how many more, then I find it particularly difficult to believe "Nymphadora Tonks" is not a lesbian.
Meanwhile, back in the present, Kingsley is "Rebel Alliance", Fred and George are both "Ron" and Lee Jordan is "ROFLbot". Other recurring cast members include Richey Edwards, Rosbif, Rorschach, Rogue, Ritalin, Rapper's Delight, Ranma One Half and Radiohead. This is all lies but something must be done to improve this chapter. Really Kingsley is "Royal" and Lee is "River", geddit??!?!?! on both counts. God, it's almost like they want to get caught. Because surely you'd actually make some effort to hide, otherwise?
Maybe this is why Remus is so poor, you know. Because he does all his banking online, and his password is "password".
The show begins with the news. It is reported that a bunch of people, including Ted Tonks and a bunch of muggles and some other dudes, have been killed. The show calls for a minute's silence in memory of the dead. I agree that there is a need to commemorate them in some way, but it's pointless to call for silence online, so instead we shall mark their passing with seven seconds of Return of the Jedi.
Actually, it's only slightly less pointless to call for silence on a radio show than it is online, now I think of it. (I'll let JKR get away with it because the BBC do it too.) Still, it's kind of annoying that they've spent days trying to tune in to this bloody show and the first item is silence.
Following the news, it's time for Remus - sorry, Romulus's segment, which is called "Pals of Potter". HAHAHAHA stupid name. I wonder if it's a reference to the Harry Potter Puppet Pals, come to think of it? I'd guess not, since the Puppet Pals aren't anything to do with Mugglenet or TLC. Actually, more than anything the name reminds me of one of those magazines aimed at children that often accompany TV shows - like Doctor Who Adventures magazine - which give away free stickers and print pictures of six-year-old kids dressed up as Davros or whatever.
I dunno, I just can't buy an underground resistance movement putting on a radio show in support of a (supposed) rebel leader, but including the word "pals" in its title.
Aaaaaaanyway, Pals of Potter consists of Remus unnecessarily fanboying Harry and going on about how his gut instincts are right and he should always just do what seems like the best idea. (That, right there, is what sunk Sirius/Remus for me in canon. I can't buy that Sirius Black's boyfriend would say Harry Potter's gut reactions are the way to go.) While Remus does this, Ron happens to throw in that Remus has moved back in with Tonks who is "getting pretty big":
Or else she's massively pregnant, whatever. Either way, I for one am glad their story arc was given the build-up and subsequent resolution it deserved... except for the part where that totally didn't happen and the resolution was Ron mentioning, in passing, that they had managed to patch things up.
Look, I make no secret of loathing Remus/Tonks. I also loathe Harry/Ginny and I make no secret of that either. But what annoys me most is that if this series was written to a high enough standard, I would have shipped both those pairings because JKR would have devoted enough care and attention to building them both up and making me ship them. Way back in GoF I cared about Harry/Cho, because I felt it was given that attention. When Cho turned Harry down for the Yule Ball, I remember feeling so heartbroken for him, because up until that point JKR had succeeded in showing me that he fancied her. So it's not like she can't do it; it's not like she's incapable of showing romantic feelings or sexual tension, or providing buildup, or showing that a character feels a particular way.
Of course, we don't get any of that stuff for Bill/Fleur, but I can buy their relationship no trouble. Perhaps in their case it's because they aren't important. I can accept Bill/Fleur like I can accept, say, Molly/Arthur - it's just there in the background and you take it for granted because it's there for flavour, not plot. Whereas I think we're supposed to give a shit about Remus/Tonks, and that's where the problem is as far as I'm concerned. As a pairing, they have neither the unresolved tension and excitement of a onscreen developing relationship nor the cosy taken-for-grantedness of something in the background.
If Remus had been introduced in book 3 alongside his auror wife, Tonks, I would readily have accepted it. Alternatively, if Remus had been introduced in book 3 and so had an auror called Tonks and there had been clear UST between them from the start, I would almost certainly have been rooting for them to get together - or at least prepared to accept that it was coming (I've never considered myself a Ron/Hermione shipper, but I never doubted it was on its way, and it seemed to me that those two characters could conceivably be attracted to one another and build a relationship). But none of this happened - we were introduced to Remus, shown that he had strong emotional bonds with other characters (obviously I'm going to say Sirius, but regardless of my own shipping preferences I think it's quite clear in canon that Remus had an extremely strong emotional bond with Sirius, and with James too), and then several books down the line told that he is in a relationship with Tonks, someone he had shared only a handful of scenes with on the page. They get married in this one, and then it all goes wrong, and then they sort it out, but they may as well have not done any of that because we didn't share any of it with them, and it's not like the relationship adds anything to either of them as characters. The whole thing makes for crap reading, and that is my biggest criticism of it.
Ugh. Anyway, back to Potterwatch. In other news, we learn that Hagrid was still working at Hogwarts until very recently, when he hosted a "Support Harry Potter" party in his own house. This might just be the stupidest thing any character has done in this entire seven-book series, and let's face it it's up against some pretty fierce competition. Congratulations, Hagrid!
After this, Fred and/or George come on the air to do some Voldemort-based comedy. I guess it's meant to be funny, but in my view it's about as funny as, oh, cancer. I don't know if it's supposed to be satirical or whut but it just isn't remotely amusing. Example:
[Fred:] 'So, people, let's try and calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing that's glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do.'
For the first time in weeks and weeks, Harry was laughing: he could feel the weight of tension leaving him.
Um. Yes. It probably will be the last thing you ever do. In fact, Fred, hundreds of people are currently living in constant, debilitating fear of that happening; as your stupid radio show has just discussed, many people have already died. At best the "joke" Fred just made is simply nonsensical, and at worst it's incredibly insensitive. Simply saying something that's true is not a joke, especially in cases like this where Serious Fucking Business is involved. It's not like it isn't possible to joke about stuff that's a big deal, either - consider Chaplin's The Great Dictator, which turns Hitler into a buffoon. That's the point, that's why it's funny, because it makes the frightening silly. JKR knows this in theory - she based the whole boggart/"riddikulus!" thing on this very concept. I don't get what's going on here. Well, no, I have some idea - JK Rowling simply can't write funny and Serious Fucking Business in the same book.
Nevertheless, Harry is laughing. He's so stupid. He probably doesn't even understand what's being said; he's just working on some kind of incredibly flawed pseudologic/programming loop, like this:
A. Fred is funny.
B. Fred is talking now.
C. Therefore, I must laugh now.
In any case, everyone knows it's Harry who can kill with a single glare. Here's a nice picture of that happening.
Ugh. Anyway, a bit more trite nonsense, a few pleas to take care of yourself and each other, and, THANK FUCK, the show ends. And what a waste of time it was; another annoying way of JKR telling instead of showing, but making a half-arsed attempt to disguise it as action by having it come through a radio and having people speak it. A shame, because an underground resistance movement with its own pirate radio station should, by rights, be cool. Right after the DH release, I had this idea to do a post along the lines of "The entire plot of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in Ramones songs" (which, in a long and involved and roundabout way, grew and grew and took on Star Wars quotes until it turned into the Uberwank); the song I picked to represent this chapter was going to be either We Want the Airwaves or Rock and Roll Radio. And that's one of the reasons the Ramones idea was dropped - because this radio is anything but rock and roll. It's like those godawful daytime comedy programmes you get on Radio 4 midweek, about old men falling over and stuff, only less entertaining.
Potterwatch finished, our intrepid trio begin their usual thing of postmortem-ing what just happened, on the way engaging in a spot of explaining the plot for stupid people. During Fred/George's lameass non-comedy, it was postulated that Voldemort is abroad; Harry takes this as proof that Voldemort is looking for the elder wand. In his excitement, he manages to say "Voldemort" and before you know it, the protective charms on the tent have been broken and a gang of Bad Guys are lurking outside the tent and using threatening quotes from Star Wars like, "Oota goota, Solo?" and that sort of thing. Here the chapter ends, on what is in JKR terms a cliffhanger but in all other terms an instance of nothing happening.
Man. Now, I believe this is the last chapter where they sit around camping, so it just about wins points for that, but on the other hand it's fucking tedious in every way, full of boredom and stupidity. The radio show is pretty much the worst underground resistance movement ever, seemingly existing solely for the purpose of reporting on other crap forms of resistance (Hagrid's epic fail stands out particularly, but the very fact that the show begins with a report on recent deaths must be the shoddiest morale-booster ever). Stupid, stupid, stupid.
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Anyway.
After the excitement of the last chapter, it's a relief to return to the pleasant and predictable quiet of camping. The last sentence is a lie.
The title of this chapter is "The Deathly Hallows". The book, you will recall, is also called The Deathly Hallows. The book is mainly about, well, camping. This chapter isn't even really about the hallows - we've already gone over those in the last couple of chapters. It's almost like she's going overboard to prove to me that the hallows are important and significant and interesting. Or she's just messing with us, whatever.
According to the Lexicon's summary of this chapter, Harry "realises" the resurrection stone is hidden inside the snitch, but I think it's more like he convinces himself it's true, because why the hell would it be there? OK, I know it eventually is there, but my point is, it's not like all the evidence points to it and it all suddenly makes sense. He pulls the explanation right out of his arse. But I'm getting ahead of myself; the chapter starts with a good four pages of Hermione insisting the hallows are bullshit and Ron umming and ahhing and not knowing who to side with before Harry suddenly remembers hearing the name "Peverell" in connection with the ring that became the horcrux, and before you know it his imagination has run away with him and he's convincing himself that the ring horcrux had the resurrection stone set into it and, moreover, that Dumbledore put said resurrection stone inside that old Snitch he left Harry in his will. The whole sequence strongly resembles this genuine clip of John Travolta introducing Tom Cruise to Scientology.
Click to viewHarry keeps on and on about how it all makes sense. Hermione rightly points out that it doesn't make any bloody sense at all, and he's not so much jumping to conclusions as making up crap. I'm put in mind of a variety of things here. To begin with, I'm reminded very strongly of some of the old Atari games I played as a kid - the ones that were called "strategy" but really involved making a series of guesses until you hit on the right answer. For example, in the game Spellbound Dizzy, there was this one bit where you had to get past a big skull-like thing called The Beast, only as soon as you stepped in front of it, it mauled you (well, touched you, but this is like 8-bit we're talking about) and you died. I tried everything I could think of to get past it before caving and calling the walkthrough phoneline, which was 50p a minute and earned me a bollocking from my Dad. And it turned out, the thing you needed to get past The Beast was... a talisman, resembling a thermos flask, that a leprechaun gives you earlier in the game. And when he gives it to you, he makes a big deal about how it's good for headaches. The character you play in the Dizzy games is an egg with a face on it and boxing gloves for hands. It doesn't even have a head. My point is, getting past The Beast unaided requires the same kind of leaps of imagination and tenuous guesses as Dumbledore asks of Harry and, inexplicably, gets.
On the other hand, I'm also reminded of this one time when my sister got really stoned with her friend Flora and wrote in a notebook thinking she was being totally profound, and the next day she looked at the notebook expecting to learn the meaning of life and it just said "If Flora was black she'd have an afro".
Sigh. This is why Harry should not be allowed to think unsupervised.
Anyway, Hermione calls Harry on his bullshit, making the (excellent) point that if Dumbledore wanted them to find the hallows and use them to their advantage, why didn't he just tell them that? Why leave a handful of crap clues, many of which are utterly reliant on chance anyway? Harry's answer is that they were supposed to find the hallows themselves, because it's a Quest - and I'd like to point out the capital Q, which is JKR's, not mine. I swear she is laughing at me. Again, it's really annoying that all this turns out to be for real. It's almost like Harry isn't a person at all, but a character in some kind of book, written by someone making very little effort to present things in a believeable manner - but that's just ridiculous, right?
Anyway, right after this, Ron finally succeeds in tuning into the underground resistance radio show, Potterwatch. The password required to access it is "Albus", which is laughably easy to guess. At the end of the programme, they announce that the next password will be "Mad-Eye". I would put money on the next few passwords being "Dumbledore", "Harry Potter", "Potterwatch", "Albus", "Harry", "Potter", and "Harry Potter".
The show is presented by Remus Lupin, Fred and/or George Weasley (is there actually a difference?), Kingsley Shaftlebolt and Lee Jordan. They all have the most lame, n00bie handles ever - truly spork-yourself-in-the-eye, oh-god-I-want-to-hang-myself stupid. The worst of all is "Romulus", which is Remus Lupin's "codename" and is just really, really fucking idiotic. Oh, Remus, I hope they don't crack your code! And I cannot stress how sarcastic that needs to sound.
... Actually, it's just occurred to me that if Remus's codename is "Romulus", then he must know that his name comes from the legend of Romulus and Remus who were, of course, suckled by a wolf. Doesn't that bother him? Surely he must have spent at least a few nights in his life lying awake wondering about the massive coincidence involved with his name? There's a whole massive tangent there, I think. I have a soft spot for names that reflect the character's traits or whatever, but I think as a device it needs to be used sparingly, especially when you're creating a whole world. It's fine in a single book or when the character in question is never going to be heard from again, but when you start giving this Remus Lupin dude a history and a family and a life, then we start asking questions and raising eyebrows.
And like I say, this is one that really needs to be used sparingly. Because when you have Remus Lupin (a werewolf) and Fenrir Greyback (also a werewolf - and the werewolf names are particularly grating when it's essentially a transmitted condition, not an inborn trait) and Sirius Black (who turns into a black dog), as well as minor characters called Xenophilius (who loves strange things) and Ludo Bagman (who gambles) and god knows how many more, then I find it particularly difficult to believe "Nymphadora Tonks" is not a lesbian.
Meanwhile, back in the present, Kingsley is "Rebel Alliance", Fred and George are both "Ron" and Lee Jordan is "ROFLbot". Other recurring cast members include Richey Edwards, Rosbif, Rorschach, Rogue, Ritalin, Rapper's Delight, Ranma One Half and Radiohead. This is all lies but something must be done to improve this chapter. Really Kingsley is "Royal" and Lee is "River", geddit??!?!?! on both counts. God, it's almost like they want to get caught. Because surely you'd actually make some effort to hide, otherwise?
Maybe this is why Remus is so poor, you know. Because he does all his banking online, and his password is "password".
The show begins with the news. It is reported that a bunch of people, including Ted Tonks and a bunch of muggles and some other dudes, have been killed. The show calls for a minute's silence in memory of the dead. I agree that there is a need to commemorate them in some way, but it's pointless to call for silence online, so instead we shall mark their passing with seven seconds of Return of the Jedi.
Actually, it's only slightly less pointless to call for silence on a radio show than it is online, now I think of it. (I'll let JKR get away with it because the BBC do it too.) Still, it's kind of annoying that they've spent days trying to tune in to this bloody show and the first item is silence.
Following the news, it's time for Remus - sorry, Romulus's segment, which is called "Pals of Potter". HAHAHAHA stupid name. I wonder if it's a reference to the Harry Potter Puppet Pals, come to think of it? I'd guess not, since the Puppet Pals aren't anything to do with Mugglenet or TLC. Actually, more than anything the name reminds me of one of those magazines aimed at children that often accompany TV shows - like Doctor Who Adventures magazine - which give away free stickers and print pictures of six-year-old kids dressed up as Davros or whatever.
I dunno, I just can't buy an underground resistance movement putting on a radio show in support of a (supposed) rebel leader, but including the word "pals" in its title.
Aaaaaaanyway, Pals of Potter consists of Remus unnecessarily fanboying Harry and going on about how his gut instincts are right and he should always just do what seems like the best idea. (That, right there, is what sunk Sirius/Remus for me in canon. I can't buy that Sirius Black's boyfriend would say Harry Potter's gut reactions are the way to go.) While Remus does this, Ron happens to throw in that Remus has moved back in with Tonks who is "getting pretty big":
Or else she's massively pregnant, whatever. Either way, I for one am glad their story arc was given the build-up and subsequent resolution it deserved... except for the part where that totally didn't happen and the resolution was Ron mentioning, in passing, that they had managed to patch things up.
Look, I make no secret of loathing Remus/Tonks. I also loathe Harry/Ginny and I make no secret of that either. But what annoys me most is that if this series was written to a high enough standard, I would have shipped both those pairings because JKR would have devoted enough care and attention to building them both up and making me ship them. Way back in GoF I cared about Harry/Cho, because I felt it was given that attention. When Cho turned Harry down for the Yule Ball, I remember feeling so heartbroken for him, because up until that point JKR had succeeded in showing me that he fancied her. So it's not like she can't do it; it's not like she's incapable of showing romantic feelings or sexual tension, or providing buildup, or showing that a character feels a particular way.
Of course, we don't get any of that stuff for Bill/Fleur, but I can buy their relationship no trouble. Perhaps in their case it's because they aren't important. I can accept Bill/Fleur like I can accept, say, Molly/Arthur - it's just there in the background and you take it for granted because it's there for flavour, not plot. Whereas I think we're supposed to give a shit about Remus/Tonks, and that's where the problem is as far as I'm concerned. As a pairing, they have neither the unresolved tension and excitement of a onscreen developing relationship nor the cosy taken-for-grantedness of something in the background.
If Remus had been introduced in book 3 alongside his auror wife, Tonks, I would readily have accepted it. Alternatively, if Remus had been introduced in book 3 and so had an auror called Tonks and there had been clear UST between them from the start, I would almost certainly have been rooting for them to get together - or at least prepared to accept that it was coming (I've never considered myself a Ron/Hermione shipper, but I never doubted it was on its way, and it seemed to me that those two characters could conceivably be attracted to one another and build a relationship). But none of this happened - we were introduced to Remus, shown that he had strong emotional bonds with other characters (obviously I'm going to say Sirius, but regardless of my own shipping preferences I think it's quite clear in canon that Remus had an extremely strong emotional bond with Sirius, and with James too), and then several books down the line told that he is in a relationship with Tonks, someone he had shared only a handful of scenes with on the page. They get married in this one, and then it all goes wrong, and then they sort it out, but they may as well have not done any of that because we didn't share any of it with them, and it's not like the relationship adds anything to either of them as characters. The whole thing makes for crap reading, and that is my biggest criticism of it.
Ugh. Anyway, back to Potterwatch. In other news, we learn that Hagrid was still working at Hogwarts until very recently, when he hosted a "Support Harry Potter" party in his own house. This might just be the stupidest thing any character has done in this entire seven-book series, and let's face it it's up against some pretty fierce competition. Congratulations, Hagrid!
After this, Fred and/or George come on the air to do some Voldemort-based comedy. I guess it's meant to be funny, but in my view it's about as funny as, oh, cancer. I don't know if it's supposed to be satirical or whut but it just isn't remotely amusing. Example:
[Fred:] 'So, people, let's try and calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing that's glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do.'
For the first time in weeks and weeks, Harry was laughing: he could feel the weight of tension leaving him.
Um. Yes. It probably will be the last thing you ever do. In fact, Fred, hundreds of people are currently living in constant, debilitating fear of that happening; as your stupid radio show has just discussed, many people have already died. At best the "joke" Fred just made is simply nonsensical, and at worst it's incredibly insensitive. Simply saying something that's true is not a joke, especially in cases like this where Serious Fucking Business is involved. It's not like it isn't possible to joke about stuff that's a big deal, either - consider Chaplin's The Great Dictator, which turns Hitler into a buffoon. That's the point, that's why it's funny, because it makes the frightening silly. JKR knows this in theory - she based the whole boggart/"riddikulus!" thing on this very concept. I don't get what's going on here. Well, no, I have some idea - JK Rowling simply can't write funny and Serious Fucking Business in the same book.
Nevertheless, Harry is laughing. He's so stupid. He probably doesn't even understand what's being said; he's just working on some kind of incredibly flawed pseudologic/programming loop, like this:
A. Fred is funny.
B. Fred is talking now.
C. Therefore, I must laugh now.
In any case, everyone knows it's Harry who can kill with a single glare. Here's a nice picture of that happening.
Ugh. Anyway, a bit more trite nonsense, a few pleas to take care of yourself and each other, and, THANK FUCK, the show ends. And what a waste of time it was; another annoying way of JKR telling instead of showing, but making a half-arsed attempt to disguise it as action by having it come through a radio and having people speak it. A shame, because an underground resistance movement with its own pirate radio station should, by rights, be cool. Right after the DH release, I had this idea to do a post along the lines of "The entire plot of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in Ramones songs" (which, in a long and involved and roundabout way, grew and grew and took on Star Wars quotes until it turned into the Uberwank); the song I picked to represent this chapter was going to be either We Want the Airwaves or Rock and Roll Radio. And that's one of the reasons the Ramones idea was dropped - because this radio is anything but rock and roll. It's like those godawful daytime comedy programmes you get on Radio 4 midweek, about old men falling over and stuff, only less entertaining.
Potterwatch finished, our intrepid trio begin their usual thing of postmortem-ing what just happened, on the way engaging in a spot of explaining the plot for stupid people. During Fred/George's lameass non-comedy, it was postulated that Voldemort is abroad; Harry takes this as proof that Voldemort is looking for the elder wand. In his excitement, he manages to say "Voldemort" and before you know it, the protective charms on the tent have been broken and a gang of Bad Guys are lurking outside the tent and using threatening quotes from Star Wars like, "Oota goota, Solo?" and that sort of thing. Here the chapter ends, on what is in JKR terms a cliffhanger but in all other terms an instance of nothing happening.
Man. Now, I believe this is the last chapter where they sit around camping, so it just about wins points for that, but on the other hand it's fucking tedious in every way, full of boredom and stupidity. The radio show is pretty much the worst underground resistance movement ever, seemingly existing solely for the purpose of reporting on other crap forms of resistance (Hagrid's epic fail stands out particularly, but the very fact that the show begins with a report on recent deaths must be the shoddiest morale-booster ever). Stupid, stupid, stupid.
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