Am I grumpy? Depressed? Ill?

[faynia]

I don't know. But I'm setting myself up for another weekend where I randomly cry Saturday night and that isn't at all cool in my books. I am SICK to death of how much I've been crying this semester. It's chronic now. I won't even be doing anything and well, here, why don't you fucking cry some more, Heather. You totally need to do that. You totally

Comments

[grapecase]

You are ridiculous. I would know because I am a self-defeating/self-sabotaging moron. And maybe it makes me a hypocrite but I don't think it makes you a failure and a horrible person. Everyone lies. Really. Everyone. Everything. Being disinterested, unmotivated, and a procrastinator doesn't necessarily make you lazy. Being lazy? Not exactly a bad thing

[faynia]

I think the best I can say college gave me is the motivation to be more interested in what's happening in the world and the country and be more active in finding what I feel strongly about and what I could care less about. It probably also upsets me more than it does me any good, but I like being informed.

A part of me really did because I like getting dressed up and eating really bad catering and hanging out with friends in hotels over night. :\ The more realistic side of me is going MEH.

I would love to join something I feel passionate about. The problem is I don't really know what does anymore. I like choir, but that's a one day a week type deal and I'm about to lose that outlet once I graduate.

[waltzing_mice]

Even if you did know exactly what you wanted to do after college, had everything planned out and got all the dates right, you still might change your mind in 4 years. It happens, we evolve, no one has all the answers (and don't trust those that say they do).

It may be medical, sounds reminiscent of my ADD problems, of my sister's depression. No one can just "work through these things" without help.

[faynia]

I wish I had SOME answer. Half my issues right now are over the fact that I need to be doing SOMETHING come the fall, because when I get to sit around doing nothing too long I feel MORBID. It's really disconcerting. I spent a whole summer doing nothing once and I literally laid in bed for most of it. Really not wanting a repeat of that.

If it was medical, at least I could probably take more than over-the-counter sleep meds to keep myself on track.

[shank_lander]

*Hugs*

I agree with ~grapecase talking to someone on campus might be beneficial.

And I like what she says about college destroying more dreams than building them. And it doesn't matter because when you graduate and move on most places of employ you just pretend you know what you're doing. And hell, if you're good at lying you should be good at pretending, right? The silver lining, maybe?

You still rock, BTW. My closing advice: keep calm and look at JGL.

[faynia]

The bad part is I'm good at the little white lies, but feel super uncomfortable lying about big things. Every summer job I ever got turned away from was because I felt guilty lying about how long I could work for. xD

♥ you.

[pasty_pants]

Oh BB! -cuddles- you're not fucked up at all, you just have extreme guilt <3 I wish I could go cheer you up!!! -cuddles moar-

I'ma peptext you later!

[faynia]

That might be a better description than I could ever give. Make it stop?

♥

[faynia]

I know, logically, but it's keeping me awake at night and it just bugs me so much having no clue.