desperate for your voice

[fathomlesssky]

I hate high school so, so much it's ridiculous. The majority of the classes are okay--the only good part is that I'm second stand/fourth chair in orchestra, even if it is Orchestra C, the Orchestra of Freshman (of doom?) I really love orchestra, even though I'm not even close to being vaguely good at the violin and I despise lugging it around like

Comments

[snuggle_muggle]

You don't know me, but I came via book_rapport's friend page, so hopefully that's okay. I have a daughter just your age (I guess). She's also just starting high school this year, so I read this and felt so bad for you. I have another daughter who plays the violin, so I also know where you're coming from with the lugging it around bits.

I'm sorry that school has been so crappy so far this year. I wish I could fix it. Unfortunately, I can't, but just know that I'm out here hoping things go better today than they have. You can figure out the math -- there are tons of good internet math help sites! You can write little vignettes of yourself (and hey! they could be fiction, right???? It's not like she's going to know the difference!). And more importantly, you will make some friends. Just give it a bit of time.

I wish you the best in everything and I'll be checking in on your journal to see how things are turning out.

[fathomlesssky]

Oh thanks for reading this so much! Having all these people commenting on my problem really helps me gain some perspective.

Today was slightly better than yesterday, just because I had lunch with an old middle school friend of mine who saw me reading Hamlet alone in class in the morning and invited me. Hopefully I'll be able to get to know more people as school goes on, but I'm not being falsely optimistic about this.

Thanks again for reading and commenting :D

[hell_in_the_end]

;_;
SKY!!!!! -Hugs You From Montana-
I'm sorry. I could say it'll get better, but I really don't know. I hope it does though.
This reminds me of my week at Butte, not exactly, but it's rather close.
Well I <3 You, you are NOT lame (You're totally awesome!), and you can always come live with me in Montana if you'd like. :D

[fathomlesssky]

*hugs back*

Oh noes, I hope you're having a better time at Butte than I am, because you certainly deserve it! I'm seriously hoping school actually gets better though.

Thanks, you're totally awesome too :D *would love to visit Montana (I've hardly been to any of the states)*

[hell_in_the_end]

WOOT! for hugs.

No it's fine now. It's cool 'cause I have at least a different friend in every class, although that's about all. You're too sweet. <3
It'll get...easier, at least, as you go on.
Montana is actually cooler than I thought. The history of Butte is pretty awesome. :D

[apresmoi]

Everyone here was from the same middle school, so all the cliques have been established three years ago and everyone knows each other. There's no room for an outsider, at all, nary one as lame as me.

I definitely do NOT think you're lame, but I know how you feel. I went to parochial school for elementary/middle and so high school was all new and shiny and NOT FUN for a while cause everybody knows everybody from middle school. But you'll find your niche, everybody does :D

I suggest? Being a VRYSRS joiner of stuff, until you find somewhere you fit. Newspaper, maybe?

[fathomlesssky]

Unfortunately, you can't join the newspaper in my high school until you're at least a junior... Sigh. I'll definitely join in two years though :D

[book_rapport]

Hi! I was one of those bitchy popular girls in middle school (you know the one-- bottle-blonde hair and the girl who sat at the "cool" table with her boyfriend... yeah, that was me.) But ninth grade my clique and I completely broke apart, and suddenly I was uncool. Like, loser. Then I moved to a new school my sophomore year, and made two best friends, and managed to (somehow) survive high school life. I was the editor for the literary magazine and a newspaper reporter, which is awesome b/c now in college I'm the news editor (and I get to meet Stephenie Meyer b/c of it!). So my suggestion is to join some literary/newspaper clubs or organizations. Also join a volunteer organization (I was president of Junior Civitan at my HS) and that way not only will you meet people and do good things for others, but you'll have great stuff to put down on your college apps.

About your "friends": Honestly, ditch them. You know that girl who always has to have a boyfriend because she's too scared to be alone? Don't be her! If you have to be alone until

[fathomlesssky]

OMG YOU GOT TO MEET STEPHENIE MEYER AWESOME.

lol, I'm probably breaking free from those "friends" any day now, as soon as I have enough courage to stand alone. Or as soon as I get some friends, which will take a while. Hamlet is my best friend at school right now, which is good and bad because now I'm even less approachable as "the girl who reads Shakespeare". It's garnering some negative attention since I'm acting like a reject, but I love it when I'm just reading Shakespeare and I know no one is watching me.

Hmmm... the library... I haven't thought of that. It's really weird, but I haven't even BEEN to the school library yet. (haven't had the time since it's away from all my classes.)

I did a LOT better in math today. I figured out how to do my homework as soon as I blogged about it last night. I'm holding out hope for things to get better.

*hugs back*

[hahahahowlucky]

Sky. People suck.

Really. I think so. I used to think that it was just me, that there was something wrong with me that I wasn't making all of these fabulous friends that have all the same interests as me and are fabulously witty and interesting and whatnot. I see these big groups of people, and they look so connected, and I just wanted that

[fathomlesssky]

Gosh, I wish there's someone like YOUUU in my school. I was reading Hamlet at school during class since I had nothing to do, and about four people approached me throughout the day asking if I'm reading it for class. I felt extremely awkward telling them I was reading it for fun... I wonder when I stopped relating to "normal" teenagers, let alone getting the guts to talk to them about fandom and writing and whatnot.

Yeah, friends, I just need to get some, like now :p It feels like the "popular", "connected" crowds are taunting me a lot, though, with their togetherness and friendship.

And OMG a house in which we shall hermit (because that should so be a verb) and write homoerotic mannerpunk novels will be fair trade for four years of high school agony.

People suck. But I think Fandom & LJ are my "crowd".