Fandom High Radio, Wednesday, April 8th
Arthur: Good evening, Fandom. I hope this Wednesday finds you fine and untroubled. We've earned this... relative... calm. I'd like you all to meet my 'co-host' for the evening.
Reno: Chuck Norris, yo! Heh. It's been a while since I was in here. I'm startin' to forget what all these fiddly little buttons do, zoto. Oooh. But the rum, that I remember. *sloshy*
Arthur: The rum is a kind mistress. Last week's troubles, as well as the harpies before it, were grave. We did well, and withstood the horrors in the end, but that doesn't mean we should simply sit and wait for the next to come to this castle. As such, next Tuesday afternoon, Reno and I would like to speak with any of you who might be interested in training to fight together, as well as individually. There's no reason we should stand alone.
Reno: Remember, kids, only Chuck Norris can stand alone through a zombie apocalypse. He just roundhouse kicks the air, and... yeah. I dunno. I was better at comin' up with this stuff when I was wearin' the cowboy hat, yo. Anyhow, we can use anyone willin' to work as a team in case of another dangerous invasion. I'm graduatin' soon. I can't keep comin' back here to save all your sorry butts all the time, you know. *Sloshy*
Arthur: What the man said. Tuesday afternoon, behind the dorms. Now... on to the notes of the day.
SCHOOL
Arthur: Leadership class discusses the importance of being both merciful and clever, and how to balance these qualities. Remember that mercy can sometimes be a sign of strength all on its own merit. Anthromorphic Anatomy discussed something called the 'digestive system'. Just call them entrails.
Reno: Guts!
Arthur: Also accurate.
Reno: You'll find I'm good at that, yo.
Arthur: Captain Hammer was bitten by a gremlin and tried to teach us something about... rainbows. None of the students kept their faces straight. That's an appalling lack of discipline. The students gained some colour for the day, although Warren was a bit confused on which shade would be best for a hammer. *surpressed snicker*
Reno: If you gotta ask, man, you're doin' somethin' wrong.
Arthur: Perhaps he simply has trouble finding it in the dark.
Reno: Burrrrrrrrn.
Arthur: It's why Toby glitters. Trouble finding things. Moving on... Sam opened the library as always, and gained his usual visit from Peter. With food, no doubt. Merlin and Tony made a valiant and no doubt unsuccesful attempt to look clever by browsing the books. I'm sure that went well.
Reno: In the cafeteria today, Mac got bit by one of our little green toothy friends, yo. I'm thinkin' this is gonna be a trend in the notes today, huh? Anyhow, she thinks she's some chick named Hanna Montana, which means she was draftin' poor, unsuspectin' victims like Joan into singin' along with her, yo. Teddy, the Geico money pile, was there, and he got a serenade from Hanna Montana, too.
Arthur: You've no idea how relieved I am I don't eat in the cafeteria.
Reno: Mostly, it ain't that bad. I don't trust the snickerdoodles, though. That shit just ain't right.
Arthur: I'm not so sure any of that food could be considered 'right' by the looks of it.
Reno: Welcome to high school, my man. Movin' on, Flight Club did what Flight Club does, with a real bitter Gavin at the helm. He's just bitter 'cause he wasn't Chuck Norris, maybe. Students chatted and snacked and avoided gremlins, which, I gotta say, is a real stupid thing to do after them little guys totally saved all our behinds this weekend. Jaina got to laugh at John about his own gremlin fun-times, which I'm sorry I missed, by the way, and then she and Tahiri talked about the zombies this weekend. They came, they saw, they gnawed on people's faces. What is there to discuss?
Arthur: Jaina did show great bravery at the time. You can't begrudge her some talk of her deeds. *slosh* She earned it.
Reno: Fair enough, yo. *slosh* Here's to all you fighters out there! An' remember, Tuuuuesday. Back to Flight Club, though, John and Gavin glared at one another, which had to be awkward, huh? Hoshi, on the other hand, made use of their humiliation by thankin' Annja for the photos she sent her of 'em. Atta girl! There was a flight sim, too, which ain't never as good as the real thing, take it from a real pilot, here. And then Annja tormented Gavin about his girl clothes, and Marco tempted fate by laughin' at Prof. Skywalker. Brave man. Stupid. But brave, yo.
Arthur: And Reno continues his streak. I think that's the single-most accurate description of anyone on this island I've heard all day. Or all week.
DORMS
Reno: I do accurate good, yoto. In the lobby of the dorms today, Turtle was sellin' tickets to- Oh yeah. Prom! Jeez, I always get reminded about this kinda thing while I'm on the air, don't I? Anyhow, Joan swung by to get tickets for her and Marco, which didn't make Turtle jealous at all. Honest. *Snerk* Turtle then had a starin' match with the money she could'a saved by switchin' to Geico, which is kinda a mouthful, ain't it? She probably did the right thing by coverin' it up with a pillow, yoto. Sokkaboom had a bit of panic hit him when he realized prom is this week, yo. Ha! It ain't just me!
Arthur: Prom? Is this another one of your feasts?
Reno: So far as I can tell, it's the StuCo's way of celebratin' that they're gettin us seniors the hell outta their hair, yo. Lots of dressin' pretty. Lots of me dumpin' booze in the punch when there ain't nobody lookin'. *Sloshy!*
Arthur: Mmm, like the vodka last time. *sloshes* That sounds almost exciting.
Reno: I got a bottle of Everclear just waitin' for the occasion! The KKG decided to have their meetin' in the pool today, so that they could play with noodles. If this is anything like Rainbow Captain's hammer, I'm gonna be real thankful I missed it, yo. People didn't swim much, except for- Oh for the freakin' love of Ifrit, who let the squirrel put glitter on the notes!? I'm friggin' blind, here!
Arthur: Oh, for the love of-- which one of you?
Squirrels: *chitter*
Arthur: No, it isn't. Get rid of it before you put his eyes out.
Reno: Arthur, man, you're my hero. Clearly, that Ben thought he was some guy called, and I can't believe I'm readin' this word, Merbiwan, is real important. There's somethin' about a coconut bra, so maybe it's a shame I missed this one too, but oh my freakin' shit, the glitter, guys. Gavin felt the need to compliment MerbiBen on his bra, as did Romeo, while Sam had to be reassured that the bra was comfortable. Oh, damn, this is golden. Marco apparently liked lookin' at the dude in the bra, an' Cal was real impressed by him, too. Meanwhile, John decided they ought to sell Sam Winchester. That depends, does he come with a coconut bra, too?
Arthur: Thank you for an image that'll never leave my brain. He has the hair for it.
Reno: Pretty Princess Sam, now with coconut bra accessories, yo! In the Fourth Floor Common Room, Gwynn thought she was a baby duck. Named Plucky. And there's somethin' here about her thinkin' the pillows were an elevator. Why elevators, man? I hate elevators. Anyhow, Teddy the Geico money pile was starin' at her, which is kinda creepy the more I think about it, but still not as creepy as elevators, which Plucky duck and Cal argued about. Because it's a couch. Not an elevator. Which means I can sit on the couch in my own common room and it ain't gonna kill me. Okay, good. Also good are the bubbles that Plucky Duck introduced Angela to. Apparently, they go down the hole. Like elevators. Friggin' elevators.
Arthur: Elevators?
Reno: Evil boxes that try an' crush you if you're sittin' on top of 'em instead of inside of 'em. Guh.
Arthur: ... I realise I might be overusing the word 'ridiculous', but there's really no way around it, is there? How do you people think of these things?
Reno: I guess it makes sense or somethin' when you got a buildin' that goes over sixty floors straight up. I say, make buildings shorter.
Arthur: Or you could try the stairs. Who wants to go sixty floors? What do you need that's sixty floors high?
Reno: I wondered that every day since I got my first job, man.
Arthur: Who wakes up one morning and asks for a building sixty stories tall? In the salle, Reno here took pride in his ability to 'roundhouse kick' everything after being bitten by a gremlin. How'd that work for you?
Reno: I was CHUCK freakin' NORRIS. Hell yeah!
Arthur: So you enjoyed yourself.
Reno: Chuck Norris don't enjoy himself, man. Chuck Norris walks into a room, and everyone there enjoys themselves for him.
Arthur: I'm not even going to pretend that makes any sense. Lady Adora wishes to know about your hat, and apparently your roundhouse kicks utterly failed to impress her. Afterwards, you completely failed to boggle at some coin that was staring at you. Am I actually reading this aloud?
Squirrels: *chitter*
Arthur: You're utterly useless.
Reno: They bring rum. I learned durin' my radio sentence not to knock it, just in case they get ideas and spit in it or somethin' first, yo.
Arthur: If they spit in it, they deserve all the punishment they'll get. Savannah sets up for the cheerleader's weekly practice. They warm up and then find themselves forced to deal with more gremlin bites, as Chad finds himself convinced he's a cheery blonde called Brittany. I'd call it ridiculous, but I think I'm starting to run out. After speaking with Angela, Chad is impressed by Joan's hair, but not overmuch by Ronon's. Hannibal needs to be talked out of hiding all week. A spectacular performance.
Reno: That there is the mark of a manly man, zoto.
Arthur: *snickers* Clearly. *clinks bottle*
Reno: Cheers! In his room today, my esteemed radio co-host here was sufferin' the ill effects of me suggestin' we do Bacardi 151 shots last night, yo. Merlin showed up to make noise, and oh, man, that's harsh. I don't blame you for throwin' junk at him for that, man. In the afternoon, Teddy got a bite that actually made him shapeshift into that freaky wad of cash with the googly eyes that was poppin' up all over the place today. Around noon, Gwynn also got a bite. And then Sam Witwicky, and damn is that name fun to say, got a bite that made him dance around in the hall naked with a lampshade on his head before knockin' himself out cold. I only wish I could make this stuff up, yo. You better believe that Claudia, Jen, and Dinah were all there to draw on him. That's school spirit, right there. Oh, and John had a sore back while he was waitin' for Jaina. Aw, cupcake.
TOWNIES
Reno: Cable was doin' like responsible parents do and he left the baby with a sitter so that he could go watch models on TV with Deadpool. There was also talk about Cable's sister's ass? Which is kinda wrong, if you ask me, man. Katchoo got annoyed by a clock today at Strokes of Genius, and Worf headed in to pick up a calligraphy set- seriously? - So that he could maybe find an opening to, I dunno, ask her to the prom or somethin'. Worf, you big wrinkly romantic, you. Francine brought food, which was a perfect distraction for gremlins! I kinda like the little green things, yo! They make for kickass readin' material, at least.
Arthur: They're perfectly insane, at least.
Reno: But oh so good for blackmail! At Luke's Diner, Johnny was bein' all broody, but that was cleared up with a glass of coffee and some good old fashioned laughin' at the pain of other people thanks to Savannah comin' in with gremlin stories, yoto. Ino was makin' small talk with her Ewok, and I'm proud to say that I finally know what the heck one of those is. Naomi had to run to open up Stark Industries after class, where Jack brought her burgers, yo.
Arthur: At the Knight's Station, it was a day of good tidings. Sir Ray gained a commendation and a promotion for his exemplary performance during the zombie invasion. It's a great honour, sir Ray, and you've earned it. As has Sir Daisy, who likewise gained praise and reward for her bravery. Lady Charlotte then entered, gremlin-bit, and convinced she was her own dog's servant. ... That's not ridiculous at all.
Reno: You ever kept a pet? It ain't far off, either.
Arthur: Please. I've plenty of dogs, and they all manage to do my bidding. I even brought one with me. *pause* No offense, Merlin.
Reno: He's totally your bitch, huh?
Arthur: It's his job. If you hear this, Merlin, fetch me some water.
Reno: *Is laughing. A lot.*
Arthur: Ichigo went searching for his rat at Coyote Medicine. I'd wish I could say that was a gremlin bite. Ino came by to serve him some sandwiches. Unlike Ichigo, Rusty did suffer a bite at Fast Eddie's, where he believed he was... *pause* 'recruiting for the zombies'. All right. Amber was also struck, and found herself making eyes at the local servants. I... hope she was kind to you. Toby got gremlin-bit and found himself dancing-- Oh, wait. No, that's merely Toby. Claire and Sarah also worked.
Reno: I would'a swung by today to check in on Sarah for the surveillance job she's got me doin', but I was busy bein' awesome.
Arthur: I'm not sure being bit by a gremlin and convinced you could end anything with a roundhouse kick actually qualifies, Reno...
Reno: What makes you think I can't really do it, yo?
Arthur: By all means, give the wall a shot, then we'll talk.
Reno: I'd love to, but then I'd have to fix it, yo.
Arthur: I'm glad to see you enjoying such confidence in your abilities. Penelope drank scotch at Caritas, and Prince Edward slunk out of his hiding place to order some rum. ... hiding now, are we, Prince Edward?
Reno: His gremlin bite musta been real good! Does anyone out there have video of it?
Arthur: If so, audience, make sure Reno gets it.
Reno: I'm willin' to pay good money for all video footage of bite victims! I need somethin' to remember Fandom by when I go home this summer!
Arthur: It's a worthy cause. And now it's time for the... *sigh* sewing circle. ...which was bit by gremlins. That might actually make it interesting, but I won't get my hopes up.
Reno: Well, Chuck Norris enjoyed it, yo.
Arthur: Ah. I'm sure he did. They mingle as usual, but proceedings are somewhat muddled by a vast amount of... 'double-you-tee-eff'. You don't actually threaten to roundhouse kick them, but I'm sure it was a near thing. Physician Tam and Lady Bennet run around yelling things about brain surgery. I'm not even going to bother saying it. Sir Minsc, also suffering from the gremlin attack, tells the locals that if they can't have bread, they should eat cake. ... That makes even less sense than usual. Lady Charlotte continues to be convinced that she's her own dog's servant, and I stop trying. Let us hope the week ends quickly, so that we may forgo further embarassment of our people.
Reno: Aww, you don't really mean that.
Arthur: I do. *pause* ... To a point. Wait, does this mean I missed Hannibal's gremlin bite?
Reno: This is the kinda week where you gotta wrap yourself in bubble-wrap an' sit around in a lawn chair, just soakin' it all in, yo. Never know what you're gonna miss.
Arthur: Ah, why not. I'll keep that in mind. It might give me something to do while I heal.
Reno: Take notes, man. This stuff is gold.
Arthur: Anakin is asked whether he's the brain specialist. If he was, I'd say there was a great need for him. Harper gains 'WTF' and disjointed conversation for all of her troubles. Likewise Liz is questioned on her ability to maintain a healthy mind. Staring means you're still in there, Liz. Agnes decides to give in and join the madness by shouting HELLO at the top of her voice. So she decided to fight insanity with inanity. Harper wonders why these things always happen on nights when there's a sewing circle. My best guess is that the universe is merely trying beyond hope to entertain itself.
Reno: It ain't Stitch'n'Bitch without a little good old-fashioned entertainment, says I. *Sloshy!*
Arthur: Mina stares in disbelief, which seems to be the running thread. Only one man took it upon himself to actually knit - being Anakin, and his pink baby booties. I think that says it all.
Reno: We're talkin' about the teacher who hands out livin' teddy bears as a class assignment, Arthur. At the Clinic, Martha was all happy that everyone who had been hurt had checked out. Wasn't meant to be, though, because Edmund checked in with a cut on his arm that wasn't healin' right. Dammit, roomie, am I gonna have to wrap you in bubble-wrap or somethin'? I'll do it, Edmund. I know where you sleep at night.
Arthur: That sounds very soothing, Reno.
Reno: Hey, I never said I was gentle, did I?
Arthur: I'm sure he can take it.
Reno: I hope so. If he can't, I'm puttin' my ferret in his underwear drawer.
Arthur: *spittakes snickering*
Arthur: I believe that's it for this Wednesday.
*creaking noise*
Arthur: Merlin, don't give me that look. Did you bring herbs? Go and fetch me that water.
*slam* *audible eye-rolling*
Reno: It's too late for me to ask him to get me some more rum, huh?
Arthur: I'm sure he'd be in some kind of girly sulk about it if you did. Thank you for your help.
Reno: No problem, yo. It's a bit of nostalgia, readin' off radio notes with a bitchy blonde Brit or whatever. Do I get to say good night, now? I got more rum back in my room's got my name on it.
Arthur: What did you just call me...?
Reno: ..... G'night, Fandom! *An extra sloshy, and then the slamming of a door.*
Reno: Chuck Norris, yo! Heh. It's been a while since I was in here. I'm startin' to forget what all these fiddly little buttons do, zoto. Oooh. But the rum, that I remember. *sloshy*
Arthur: The rum is a kind mistress. Last week's troubles, as well as the harpies before it, were grave. We did well, and withstood the horrors in the end, but that doesn't mean we should simply sit and wait for the next to come to this castle. As such, next Tuesday afternoon, Reno and I would like to speak with any of you who might be interested in training to fight together, as well as individually. There's no reason we should stand alone.
Reno: Remember, kids, only Chuck Norris can stand alone through a zombie apocalypse. He just roundhouse kicks the air, and... yeah. I dunno. I was better at comin' up with this stuff when I was wearin' the cowboy hat, yo. Anyhow, we can use anyone willin' to work as a team in case of another dangerous invasion. I'm graduatin' soon. I can't keep comin' back here to save all your sorry butts all the time, you know. *Sloshy*
Arthur: What the man said. Tuesday afternoon, behind the dorms. Now... on to the notes of the day.
SCHOOL
Arthur: Leadership class discusses the importance of being both merciful and clever, and how to balance these qualities. Remember that mercy can sometimes be a sign of strength all on its own merit. Anthromorphic Anatomy discussed something called the 'digestive system'. Just call them entrails.
Reno: Guts!
Arthur: Also accurate.
Reno: You'll find I'm good at that, yo.
Arthur: Captain Hammer was bitten by a gremlin and tried to teach us something about... rainbows. None of the students kept their faces straight. That's an appalling lack of discipline. The students gained some colour for the day, although Warren was a bit confused on which shade would be best for a hammer. *surpressed snicker*
Reno: If you gotta ask, man, you're doin' somethin' wrong.
Arthur: Perhaps he simply has trouble finding it in the dark.
Reno: Burrrrrrrrn.
Arthur: It's why Toby glitters. Trouble finding things. Moving on... Sam opened the library as always, and gained his usual visit from Peter. With food, no doubt. Merlin and Tony made a valiant and no doubt unsuccesful attempt to look clever by browsing the books. I'm sure that went well.
Reno: In the cafeteria today, Mac got bit by one of our little green toothy friends, yo. I'm thinkin' this is gonna be a trend in the notes today, huh? Anyhow, she thinks she's some chick named Hanna Montana, which means she was draftin' poor, unsuspectin' victims like Joan into singin' along with her, yo. Teddy, the Geico money pile, was there, and he got a serenade from Hanna Montana, too.
Arthur: You've no idea how relieved I am I don't eat in the cafeteria.
Reno: Mostly, it ain't that bad. I don't trust the snickerdoodles, though. That shit just ain't right.
Arthur: I'm not so sure any of that food could be considered 'right' by the looks of it.
Reno: Welcome to high school, my man. Movin' on, Flight Club did what Flight Club does, with a real bitter Gavin at the helm. He's just bitter 'cause he wasn't Chuck Norris, maybe. Students chatted and snacked and avoided gremlins, which, I gotta say, is a real stupid thing to do after them little guys totally saved all our behinds this weekend. Jaina got to laugh at John about his own gremlin fun-times, which I'm sorry I missed, by the way, and then she and Tahiri talked about the zombies this weekend. They came, they saw, they gnawed on people's faces. What is there to discuss?
Arthur: Jaina did show great bravery at the time. You can't begrudge her some talk of her deeds. *slosh* She earned it.
Reno: Fair enough, yo. *slosh* Here's to all you fighters out there! An' remember, Tuuuuesday. Back to Flight Club, though, John and Gavin glared at one another, which had to be awkward, huh? Hoshi, on the other hand, made use of their humiliation by thankin' Annja for the photos she sent her of 'em. Atta girl! There was a flight sim, too, which ain't never as good as the real thing, take it from a real pilot, here. And then Annja tormented Gavin about his girl clothes, and Marco tempted fate by laughin' at Prof. Skywalker. Brave man. Stupid. But brave, yo.
Arthur: And Reno continues his streak. I think that's the single-most accurate description of anyone on this island I've heard all day. Or all week.
DORMS
Reno: I do accurate good, yoto. In the lobby of the dorms today, Turtle was sellin' tickets to- Oh yeah. Prom! Jeez, I always get reminded about this kinda thing while I'm on the air, don't I? Anyhow, Joan swung by to get tickets for her and Marco, which didn't make Turtle jealous at all. Honest. *Snerk* Turtle then had a starin' match with the money she could'a saved by switchin' to Geico, which is kinda a mouthful, ain't it? She probably did the right thing by coverin' it up with a pillow, yoto. Sokkaboom had a bit of panic hit him when he realized prom is this week, yo. Ha! It ain't just me!
Arthur: Prom? Is this another one of your feasts?
Reno: So far as I can tell, it's the StuCo's way of celebratin' that they're gettin us seniors the hell outta their hair, yo. Lots of dressin' pretty. Lots of me dumpin' booze in the punch when there ain't nobody lookin'. *Sloshy!*
Arthur: Mmm, like the vodka last time. *sloshes* That sounds almost exciting.
Reno: I got a bottle of Everclear just waitin' for the occasion! The KKG decided to have their meetin' in the pool today, so that they could play with noodles. If this is anything like Rainbow Captain's hammer, I'm gonna be real thankful I missed it, yo. People didn't swim much, except for- Oh for the freakin' love of Ifrit, who let the squirrel put glitter on the notes!? I'm friggin' blind, here!
Arthur: Oh, for the love of-- which one of you?
Squirrels: *chitter*
Arthur: No, it isn't. Get rid of it before you put his eyes out.
Reno: Arthur, man, you're my hero. Clearly, that Ben thought he was some guy called, and I can't believe I'm readin' this word, Merbiwan, is real important. There's somethin' about a coconut bra, so maybe it's a shame I missed this one too, but oh my freakin' shit, the glitter, guys. Gavin felt the need to compliment MerbiBen on his bra, as did Romeo, while Sam had to be reassured that the bra was comfortable. Oh, damn, this is golden. Marco apparently liked lookin' at the dude in the bra, an' Cal was real impressed by him, too. Meanwhile, John decided they ought to sell Sam Winchester. That depends, does he come with a coconut bra, too?
Arthur: Thank you for an image that'll never leave my brain. He has the hair for it.
Reno: Pretty Princess Sam, now with coconut bra accessories, yo! In the Fourth Floor Common Room, Gwynn thought she was a baby duck. Named Plucky. And there's somethin' here about her thinkin' the pillows were an elevator. Why elevators, man? I hate elevators. Anyhow, Teddy the Geico money pile was starin' at her, which is kinda creepy the more I think about it, but still not as creepy as elevators, which Plucky duck and Cal argued about. Because it's a couch. Not an elevator. Which means I can sit on the couch in my own common room and it ain't gonna kill me. Okay, good. Also good are the bubbles that Plucky Duck introduced Angela to. Apparently, they go down the hole. Like elevators. Friggin' elevators.
Arthur: Elevators?
Reno: Evil boxes that try an' crush you if you're sittin' on top of 'em instead of inside of 'em. Guh.
Arthur: ... I realise I might be overusing the word 'ridiculous', but there's really no way around it, is there? How do you people think of these things?
Reno: I guess it makes sense or somethin' when you got a buildin' that goes over sixty floors straight up. I say, make buildings shorter.
Arthur: Or you could try the stairs. Who wants to go sixty floors? What do you need that's sixty floors high?
Reno: I wondered that every day since I got my first job, man.
Arthur: Who wakes up one morning and asks for a building sixty stories tall? In the salle, Reno here took pride in his ability to 'roundhouse kick' everything after being bitten by a gremlin. How'd that work for you?
Reno: I was CHUCK freakin' NORRIS. Hell yeah!
Arthur: So you enjoyed yourself.
Reno: Chuck Norris don't enjoy himself, man. Chuck Norris walks into a room, and everyone there enjoys themselves for him.
Arthur: I'm not even going to pretend that makes any sense. Lady Adora wishes to know about your hat, and apparently your roundhouse kicks utterly failed to impress her. Afterwards, you completely failed to boggle at some coin that was staring at you. Am I actually reading this aloud?
Squirrels: *chitter*
Arthur: You're utterly useless.
Reno: They bring rum. I learned durin' my radio sentence not to knock it, just in case they get ideas and spit in it or somethin' first, yo.
Arthur: If they spit in it, they deserve all the punishment they'll get. Savannah sets up for the cheerleader's weekly practice. They warm up and then find themselves forced to deal with more gremlin bites, as Chad finds himself convinced he's a cheery blonde called Brittany. I'd call it ridiculous, but I think I'm starting to run out. After speaking with Angela, Chad is impressed by Joan's hair, but not overmuch by Ronon's. Hannibal needs to be talked out of hiding all week. A spectacular performance.
Reno: That there is the mark of a manly man, zoto.
Arthur: *snickers* Clearly. *clinks bottle*
Reno: Cheers! In his room today, my esteemed radio co-host here was sufferin' the ill effects of me suggestin' we do Bacardi 151 shots last night, yo. Merlin showed up to make noise, and oh, man, that's harsh. I don't blame you for throwin' junk at him for that, man. In the afternoon, Teddy got a bite that actually made him shapeshift into that freaky wad of cash with the googly eyes that was poppin' up all over the place today. Around noon, Gwynn also got a bite. And then Sam Witwicky, and damn is that name fun to say, got a bite that made him dance around in the hall naked with a lampshade on his head before knockin' himself out cold. I only wish I could make this stuff up, yo. You better believe that Claudia, Jen, and Dinah were all there to draw on him. That's school spirit, right there. Oh, and John had a sore back while he was waitin' for Jaina. Aw, cupcake.
TOWNIES
Reno: Cable was doin' like responsible parents do and he left the baby with a sitter so that he could go watch models on TV with Deadpool. There was also talk about Cable's sister's ass? Which is kinda wrong, if you ask me, man. Katchoo got annoyed by a clock today at Strokes of Genius, and Worf headed in to pick up a calligraphy set- seriously? - So that he could maybe find an opening to, I dunno, ask her to the prom or somethin'. Worf, you big wrinkly romantic, you. Francine brought food, which was a perfect distraction for gremlins! I kinda like the little green things, yo! They make for kickass readin' material, at least.
Arthur: They're perfectly insane, at least.
Reno: But oh so good for blackmail! At Luke's Diner, Johnny was bein' all broody, but that was cleared up with a glass of coffee and some good old fashioned laughin' at the pain of other people thanks to Savannah comin' in with gremlin stories, yoto. Ino was makin' small talk with her Ewok, and I'm proud to say that I finally know what the heck one of those is. Naomi had to run to open up Stark Industries after class, where Jack brought her burgers, yo.
Arthur: At the Knight's Station, it was a day of good tidings. Sir Ray gained a commendation and a promotion for his exemplary performance during the zombie invasion. It's a great honour, sir Ray, and you've earned it. As has Sir Daisy, who likewise gained praise and reward for her bravery. Lady Charlotte then entered, gremlin-bit, and convinced she was her own dog's servant. ... That's not ridiculous at all.
Reno: You ever kept a pet? It ain't far off, either.
Arthur: Please. I've plenty of dogs, and they all manage to do my bidding. I even brought one with me. *pause* No offense, Merlin.
Reno: He's totally your bitch, huh?
Arthur: It's his job. If you hear this, Merlin, fetch me some water.
Reno: *Is laughing. A lot.*
Arthur: Ichigo went searching for his rat at Coyote Medicine. I'd wish I could say that was a gremlin bite. Ino came by to serve him some sandwiches. Unlike Ichigo, Rusty did suffer a bite at Fast Eddie's, where he believed he was... *pause* 'recruiting for the zombies'. All right. Amber was also struck, and found herself making eyes at the local servants. I... hope she was kind to you. Toby got gremlin-bit and found himself dancing-- Oh, wait. No, that's merely Toby. Claire and Sarah also worked.
Reno: I would'a swung by today to check in on Sarah for the surveillance job she's got me doin', but I was busy bein' awesome.
Arthur: I'm not sure being bit by a gremlin and convinced you could end anything with a roundhouse kick actually qualifies, Reno...
Reno: What makes you think I can't really do it, yo?
Arthur: By all means, give the wall a shot, then we'll talk.
Reno: I'd love to, but then I'd have to fix it, yo.
Arthur: I'm glad to see you enjoying such confidence in your abilities. Penelope drank scotch at Caritas, and Prince Edward slunk out of his hiding place to order some rum. ... hiding now, are we, Prince Edward?
Reno: His gremlin bite musta been real good! Does anyone out there have video of it?
Arthur: If so, audience, make sure Reno gets it.
Reno: I'm willin' to pay good money for all video footage of bite victims! I need somethin' to remember Fandom by when I go home this summer!
Arthur: It's a worthy cause. And now it's time for the... *sigh* sewing circle. ...which was bit by gremlins. That might actually make it interesting, but I won't get my hopes up.
Reno: Well, Chuck Norris enjoyed it, yo.
Arthur: Ah. I'm sure he did. They mingle as usual, but proceedings are somewhat muddled by a vast amount of... 'double-you-tee-eff'. You don't actually threaten to roundhouse kick them, but I'm sure it was a near thing. Physician Tam and Lady Bennet run around yelling things about brain surgery. I'm not even going to bother saying it. Sir Minsc, also suffering from the gremlin attack, tells the locals that if they can't have bread, they should eat cake. ... That makes even less sense than usual. Lady Charlotte continues to be convinced that she's her own dog's servant, and I stop trying. Let us hope the week ends quickly, so that we may forgo further embarassment of our people.
Reno: Aww, you don't really mean that.
Arthur: I do. *pause* ... To a point. Wait, does this mean I missed Hannibal's gremlin bite?
Reno: This is the kinda week where you gotta wrap yourself in bubble-wrap an' sit around in a lawn chair, just soakin' it all in, yo. Never know what you're gonna miss.
Arthur: Ah, why not. I'll keep that in mind. It might give me something to do while I heal.
Reno: Take notes, man. This stuff is gold.
Arthur: Anakin is asked whether he's the brain specialist. If he was, I'd say there was a great need for him. Harper gains 'WTF' and disjointed conversation for all of her troubles. Likewise Liz is questioned on her ability to maintain a healthy mind. Staring means you're still in there, Liz. Agnes decides to give in and join the madness by shouting HELLO at the top of her voice. So she decided to fight insanity with inanity. Harper wonders why these things always happen on nights when there's a sewing circle. My best guess is that the universe is merely trying beyond hope to entertain itself.
Reno: It ain't Stitch'n'Bitch without a little good old-fashioned entertainment, says I. *Sloshy!*
Arthur: Mina stares in disbelief, which seems to be the running thread. Only one man took it upon himself to actually knit - being Anakin, and his pink baby booties. I think that says it all.
Reno: We're talkin' about the teacher who hands out livin' teddy bears as a class assignment, Arthur. At the Clinic, Martha was all happy that everyone who had been hurt had checked out. Wasn't meant to be, though, because Edmund checked in with a cut on his arm that wasn't healin' right. Dammit, roomie, am I gonna have to wrap you in bubble-wrap or somethin'? I'll do it, Edmund. I know where you sleep at night.
Arthur: That sounds very soothing, Reno.
Reno: Hey, I never said I was gentle, did I?
Arthur: I'm sure he can take it.
Reno: I hope so. If he can't, I'm puttin' my ferret in his underwear drawer.
Arthur: *spittakes snickering*
Arthur: I believe that's it for this Wednesday.
*creaking noise*
Arthur: Merlin, don't give me that look. Did you bring herbs? Go and fetch me that water.
*slam* *audible eye-rolling*
Reno: It's too late for me to ask him to get me some more rum, huh?
Arthur: I'm sure he'd be in some kind of girly sulk about it if you did. Thank you for your help.
Reno: No problem, yo. It's a bit of nostalgia, readin' off radio notes with a bitchy blonde Brit or whatever. Do I get to say good night, now? I got more rum back in my room's got my name on it.
Arthur: What did you just call me...?
Reno: ..... G'night, Fandom! *An extra sloshy, and then the slamming of a door.*