while you are away my heart comes undone, slowly unravels in a ball of yarn
I watched Rise of the Cybermen, The Age of Steel, and The Idiot's Lantern last night. I may actually have watched the latter this morning before work, but I don't remember. Thus is my brain muddled.
They did what?
I'm sorry?
They left her where?
Just, in the street.
In the street. They left her in the street. They took her face and just chucked her out and left her in the street. And as a result, that makes things simple. Very, very simple. You know why?
No.
Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop, there is no power on this earth that can stop me. Come on!
There is no power on this earth that can stop him. And I was beaming at the look on his face, but then the beam turned into a big stupid sob and all I could think of is the end.
I'm hating myself more and more, now, for going through Doctor Who like I've done, for wasting all that time from last year in May when I first saw Rose... to now. I'm hating myself for not getting past the first few episodes and instead spoiling myself silly, and creating my little silent masochistic fandom of one for months and months. All I can think about is all the time I could have had, actually watching and loving the show and this 'ship and everything about it.
And now all I'll have to remember is the gut-crushing pain I feel every episode. Whenever the Doctor looks at Rose in a certain way, whenever Rose grins madly at something he does, whenever they save each other; it's always a split-second of absolute glee and then I remember how it's all going to end.
I'm not going to detail the horrible way Doomsday makes me feel, I'm going to wait until I get to it. And then I'll go into each and every reason why I can't ever imagine feeling nostalgically sad about this... as opposed to the wrenching pain in my gut I feel now. But if you want clues, read my thoughts on the 'new' ending of Douglas Adams' Mostly Harmless. Which includes this:
"Adams just seemed to establish this whole canon where nothing is ever really gone [except for Fenchurch; her disappearance is jarring, but it still fit, though I felt Adams would have addressed her in the future] and everything is out there and there are no universes or multiverses or parallel universes but rather A Whole Sort of General Mish-Mash, and everything loops and repeats, and there's another Earth where four-leaf clovers are the norm, and God's Final Message to His Creation is "We Apologize for the Inconvenience," and there's a planet where mattresses are born, and God accidentally proves himself out of existence, and Elvis [THE KING!] is still out there, somewhere, and at Milliways anyone in the history/future of everything can meet and have dinner, and the guy who controls everything is a loony hermit with a cat called The Lord, and the human race is evolved from a crash-landed ship of useless professionals, and Marvin the Paranoid Android can live over, what was it, ten times the universe's lifepsan?"
But now I am going to watch The Impossible Planet. Hello, Shaun Parkes. Nice to see you again.
[For this post to make any sense, you really should have read this post, and the end of this post.]
ETA: And I just keep on tormenting myself. I'm looking at stuff from last June, like this post where I proceed to tell everyone in the comments that they HAVE to watch Doctor Who, OH MY GOD IT'S AWESOME AND FUN and... god I'm an idiot.
EATA: And the mortgage conversation in The Impossible Planet, and the "I'll get back. Rose is up there." in The Satan Pit. I'll get back. Rose is up there. There's no question in his voice at all, and it kills me.
EYATA: "If you get back in touch...if you talk to Rose. Just tell her... tell her... Oh, she knows."
GODDAMMIT I AM BROKED THIS IS NOT FUN AT ALL.
EYFATA: "Except that implies, in this big grand scheme of gods and devils, that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demigods and would-be gods...and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing -- just one thing -- I believe in her!"
THEY'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE. THEY ARE. THEY'RE LIKE, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING HE SAYS MORE PAINFUL THAN POSSIBLE WITH DOOMSDAY IN MIND.
They did what?
I'm sorry?
They left her where?
Just, in the street.
In the street. They left her in the street. They took her face and just chucked her out and left her in the street. And as a result, that makes things simple. Very, very simple. You know why?
No.
Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop, there is no power on this earth that can stop me. Come on!
There is no power on this earth that can stop him. And I was beaming at the look on his face, but then the beam turned into a big stupid sob and all I could think of is the end.
I'm hating myself more and more, now, for going through Doctor Who like I've done, for wasting all that time from last year in May when I first saw Rose... to now. I'm hating myself for not getting past the first few episodes and instead spoiling myself silly, and creating my little silent masochistic fandom of one for months and months. All I can think about is all the time I could have had, actually watching and loving the show and this 'ship and everything about it.
And now all I'll have to remember is the gut-crushing pain I feel every episode. Whenever the Doctor looks at Rose in a certain way, whenever Rose grins madly at something he does, whenever they save each other; it's always a split-second of absolute glee and then I remember how it's all going to end.
I'm not going to detail the horrible way Doomsday makes me feel, I'm going to wait until I get to it. And then I'll go into each and every reason why I can't ever imagine feeling nostalgically sad about this... as opposed to the wrenching pain in my gut I feel now. But if you want clues, read my thoughts on the 'new' ending of Douglas Adams' Mostly Harmless. Which includes this:
"Adams just seemed to establish this whole canon where nothing is ever really gone [except for Fenchurch; her disappearance is jarring, but it still fit, though I felt Adams would have addressed her in the future] and everything is out there and there are no universes or multiverses or parallel universes but rather A Whole Sort of General Mish-Mash, and everything loops and repeats, and there's another Earth where four-leaf clovers are the norm, and God's Final Message to His Creation is "We Apologize for the Inconvenience," and there's a planet where mattresses are born, and God accidentally proves himself out of existence, and Elvis [THE KING!] is still out there, somewhere, and at Milliways anyone in the history/future of everything can meet and have dinner, and the guy who controls everything is a loony hermit with a cat called The Lord, and the human race is evolved from a crash-landed ship of useless professionals, and Marvin the Paranoid Android can live over, what was it, ten times the universe's lifepsan?"
But now I am going to watch The Impossible Planet. Hello, Shaun Parkes. Nice to see you again.
[For this post to make any sense, you really should have read this post, and the end of this post.]
ETA: And I just keep on tormenting myself. I'm looking at stuff from last June, like this post where I proceed to tell everyone in the comments that they HAVE to watch Doctor Who, OH MY GOD IT'S AWESOME AND FUN and... god I'm an idiot.
EATA: And the mortgage conversation in The Impossible Planet, and the "I'll get back. Rose is up there." in The Satan Pit. I'll get back. Rose is up there. There's no question in his voice at all, and it kills me.
EYATA: "If you get back in touch...if you talk to Rose. Just tell her... tell her... Oh, she knows."
GODDAMMIT I AM BROKED THIS IS NOT FUN AT ALL.
EYFATA: "Except that implies, in this big grand scheme of gods and devils, that she's just a victim. But I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demigods and would-be gods...and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing -- just one thing -- I believe in her!"
THEY'RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE. THEY ARE. THEY'RE LIKE, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE EVERYTHING HE SAYS MORE PAINFUL THAN POSSIBLE WITH DOOMSDAY IN MIND.