Release, 3/5. NC-17.
Title: Release
Series: #18 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes, #12 - Can't Be Ignored, #13 - Make You Ill, #14 - Aim Straight, #15 - Not The First Time, #16 - Friendly Fire, #17 - Relieved)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Natasha/Bucky, Steve/Sif
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-Avengers, AU to the rest of MCU. Alludes to events in prior stories and outright references others. References for Red Room mindfuckery, PTSD, violence.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups.
Summary: Everyone was see-sawing into some kind of equilibrium. Sometimes, it didn't even get traumatic.
Previous chapters:
One - Pride
Two - Connections
Three - Arranging Playtime
Feeling out of sorts and with nothing to do, Loki roamed the hallways of Avengers Tower. Sam was farther along the mend now, back at work at the VA. Loki could always join him, and the others there accepted his presence there. But he didn't want to hear their awful stories and feel misery clawing at his throat. He didn't want to feel sorry for himself or anyone else. He didn't want to open a vein and let out his own woes, even if they could understand it. Sam deserved better than a half hearted attempt to attend. He had treated Loki fairly from the start, and earned Loki's respect from their time together in Japan.
No, he would have to find something else to keep him busy when magic didn't do the trick.
Most of the others sorted out into activities that kept them busy. Shopping or research or the like, and he didn't have a consuming project at the moment. He supposed he could try to develop better shielding spells, but there really was no need for it on this realm. The magical practitioners were so infantile that the current spells were more than adequate. Frigga had taken the Baron's children, so he didn't have that as an occasional distraction either.
Wait, there was a familiar voice. Soft, as if not wanting to be overheard.
So of course Loki wanted to overhear, and he crept closer.
"This is... separate," Natasha murmured quietly.
That was rather intriguing, and Loki extended his sense as best as he could without using magic. He didn't know if she would be able to sense its use, but there was no point in risking it.
"Because he matters that much to you, and I can't do this for you," James replied, sounding sad.
"James..."
"No, I can't. I can't be like Department X."
"This isn't the same thing, James. They forced us to do all kinds of things, be all kinds of things." There was the sound of rustling, as if she was sliding closer to him. It was likely all above board; they were in the common areas, and Natasha was not an exhibitionist. A persona might be, but she wasn't.
"I don't understand this, and I don't like it."
Natasha let out a soft sigh. "I'm wound tight," she said quietly. "Your secrets, my secrets, other peoples' secrets, it doesn't matter. And our reunion, being with Yelena, it uncovered a lot of memories I thought were buried or didn't realize were still there. I'm not as put together as I look. I don't feel like myself. Not that I'm any of my covers, but I don't feel settled the way I was when I thought I could handle Yelena."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Natasha murmured, and then there was the sound of a soft kiss. "Don't fault yourself for what happened. Zola and his men did whatever it was they did. Department X did more. And even Yelena, with all the triggers she wouldn't let me undo... None of this is your fault."
"If I'm not at fault, then neither are you," James pointed out.
Natasha's silence was pained, and proof positive that she couldn’t agree. Ah, Natasha, Loki wanted to sigh. When will you ever let go of your guilt?
"When I was with Loki that night, it wasn't the pain I wanted or needed. But it was grounding. It brought me back to myself, to my body. That's what I needed. To not think, to only feel, and to know it was happening now, and to me, and that I could let go of the control. But if it went too far, I could stop it if I needed to. I wouldn't be overwhelmed or used."
Yes, Loki wanted to say. Because that was exactly the feeling he had when with Natasha, and he ached so much without her.
"I'm sure there are other ways to connect me to the present, to my physical self, but I can't do service, I can't do roleplay. It's too similar to what every agency has ever done to me, even with my consent. It won't ground me. It won't help. I'm open to suggestions if spanking unnerves you, but I've even come up with a blank."
"It's sensation you need, right?"
"Yes."
"It doesn't have to be punishment. That's what bothers me, Natalia. That he would punish you for being you, just like they did."
Loki could hear the pain in James' voice, the helplessness and hurt at what he must have seen over the years. James had been there, he knew what the Red Room had been capable of doing to the girls. Now he understood the opposition and hesitance.
And apparently so did Natasha. "I didn't see it from that point of view. So then I would just need to discuss other kinds of sensory play, and it wouldn't trouble you so much?"
"That would help, yes."
Another kiss, lingering and sounding more than comforting. Loki wanted to growl or hit something, but Natasha loved this man. He knew that she didn't love him. She needed him, she tolerated him, she cared for him on some level. But it wasn't the same, and it burned at his gut that he couldn't command her affections.
Well, he could, but it wouldn't be real, and he didn't want a facsimile of her love.
He stalked off before he could be caught. Sensory play, hm? That he could definitely do.
***
Steve was a little nervous, but had put on a nice outfit before knocking on the door to the suite that Sif was staying in. He'd been inside of it already, and had been appreciative of all the sumptuous gold and mahogany accents in its décor, the vast landscape paintings and priceless antiques that Pepper had chosen to make Sif feel more at home. He'd been more appreciative of the deeply plush carpeting and the butter soft leather furniture that he could sink into. It had also been very comfortable when visiting Sif and they had kissed and petted, when he had come this close to actually sleeping with her before he remembered to ask if there were certain precautions he would have to take to prevent pregnancy. The look on Sif's face had been a mixture of comical and horrified, which cooled both of them down.
The conversation had been informative, though. Physiology was similar enough that there obviously wouldn't be incompatibility. They weren't sure about the genetics of it, given that Asgardian women didn't have monthly menstrual cycles but seasonal breeding times, and Sif had always studiously avoided women in breeding cycles to avoid triggering hers.
In other words, they didn't know if Steve could get her pregnant. And he wasn't about to take that risk if she wasn't ready and willing.
He had felt somewhat awkward about buying condoms at the drugstore, in case someone got it in their head to take photos of Captain America and make jokes about what brand he picked, but there hadn't been a single comment at the register, thankfully. It was apparently nothing out of the ordinary for a drugstore employee to ring it up along with a few other random purchases late at night, so Steve was ready in case anything would happen. Which it should, because they both had every intention of it the other night.
Sif was dressed in a slinky black dress with a scoop neckline that hit right above the knee. There was little embellishment to it, but there was no need for it. Her knee high black boots also had daggers hidden in them, and her hair was pulled back with a number of sharp pins. She smiled at Steve and playfully shut his open mouth. "I gather you approve of my dress."
"Oh, yes," he replied, nodding. "Um... Were you more in the mood for 1940's theme or 1950's Broadway theme?" he asked, extending his arm in a gallant manner.
"Is there a difference?" she asked. "I'm not as aware enough of the differences in your culture."
"The 1940's is the time I was away in the war. A few cocktail bars and lounges here in Midtown have that aesthetic going. As for the fifties... I missed that experience. But I've been to Ellen's Stardust Diner once before and it seemed kinda fun. A lot of the wait staff sing and dance, too."
"Dinner and a show?" Sif teased, still grinning at him. "I'm impressed."
"Well, good," he replied with a smile of his own. "Only the best for you."
They opted for the diner rather than any of the more upscale clubs and lounges for dinner, since it seemed like a better fit. They weren't having dinner before or after going to the theater, and most of the lounges were too upscale. As much as Steve could change his outfit to try to fit in, he didn't feel comfortable in that kind of setting. He liked squeezing in next to Sif in a booth, ordering a platter with fries and cole slaw, listening to the wait staff singing Broadway tunes and pop songs, then deciding he wanted to walk with Sif in the middle of Times Square just to see it all lit up in its gaudy glory late at night. She laughed at his lame jokes and linked her fingers through his, and pointed out how much she felt at home walking beneath the skyscrapers that blotted out the sky.
He spun her around for a kiss as they moved beyond the bright lights of the theater district, down a side street that was dark and empty. Prime pickpocketing spot, really, but neither of them cared about that kind of thing. It was perfect to press his mouth against hers, to wind his arms around her and hold her close. Dance clubs didn't fit him, some of the plays on Broadway he didn't care to see again, and he really only wanted to spend time with Sif. They didn't need anything fancy for that, and her lips danced against his as she wound her arms around him as well.
"My suite?" he asked, lips still pressed against hers.
"Absolutely."
Steve felt like a teenager as they went up the back elevator to Avengers Tower, which was utterly ridiculous, and he kept laughing as if he was drunk. The beers with dinner hadn't affected Sif either, but the anticipation made her laugh every time Steve did. He had Jarvis play the jazz mix he liked in the background, and then simply kissed Sif. He enjoyed that, the way the touch of her lips and tongue on his could set a sizzle into his bloodstream. That made him feel buzzed as if he had alcohol, as if he had oxygen deprivation.
There were worse things in the world than being drunk on Sif.
She seemed just as taken with him, which was flattering; Steve might know logically that he was just as good a fella as anyone else, but he still thought of himself as the kid from Brooklyn that constantly had to prove he was worthy. He was always trying to do the right thing, because it never felt enough. But with Sif he felt good enough. He felt as if he was every bit the worthy warrior he wanted to be, that he could make everyone proud.
They didn't talk, but somehow there was an unspoken consensus to start undoing clothes. He walked her backward toward his bedroom, a sprawling, open space that he found soothing. It wasn't so busy as Sif's suite, as his was all cream colored walls and sparse furnishings that were sturdy and serviceable. He was more about doing than simply sitting in the suite, and it hadn't really occurred to him until recently that he should think about doing in the suite as well.
Sif didn't care, and merely pulled off the last of his clothing. "I know we talked of risk and offspring last time," she said, moving to kiss his jaw. Grasping his burgeoning cock in hand, she gave him a saucy grin. "I find the risk worth taking."
"I, uh, I picked up condoms. So it's less risk." He disentangled himself to grab the box from his nightstand. "'S why I suggested here and not upstairs."
"Do show me how this invention works," Sif said, lips curling sensuously.
Funny how it didn't feel awkward with Sif, when he remembered feeling that way with one of the dancing girls on tour having to walk him through everything. His body hadn't felt like his own back then, though, and Hattie hadn't been someone he cared about in this way. It had been a quick tumble when he had thought he lost Peggy's respect, trying to figure out what he was missing. Hattie had seemed satisfied enough, but he had been disappointed. He didn't have the right partner, so that had to make the difference.
Steve lavished her skin with touches and kisses, revering her. Sif was hardly a passive participant either, touching him in turn and murmuring softly in Allspeak when particularly pleased with something. "Huh. What's that mean?"
"Continue," she said with a gasp and a smile. "As in, continue or I shall not be held responsible for my actions."
He caught the pronunciation after two more of her repetitions; he had always been good with languages, especially when motivated to pick it up. Pushing her onto her back on his wide bed, Steve straddled her legs and let his hands run across her torso. He urged her to teach him some useful Allspeak words and phrases, beautiful and more and wonderful and goddess, each one punctuated by strokes along her breasts and a kiss between them. Sif was content to play along for now, fingers twined in his hair, tugging when he tried to move away to ask for more words.
"Enough," she panted. "No more teasing. Put those inventions to good use."
"Still can't believe they don't got 'em in Asgard," he murmured as he took the condom she had snatched up to give him.
"We're not supposed to have such things as recreational sport." She ran her nails along his thighs, smirking when he shivered. "There are whispers, of course, but I hardly had acquaintances who would speak of such things with me."
"Hardly fair," Steve replied, ripping the packet open and rolling the condom onto his erect cock.
"But we're here now. And should I return to Asgard, you would simply bring these with you when you visit me."
Steve gave her an almost giddy grin as he urged her legs apart. "Already planning for more?" he teased, nudging her entrance.
Sif reached down and pulled his body into her, sighing contentedly as he sank home. "Steve, you are not so easy to forget."
"Neither are you, Sif."
He moved slowly at first, until she literally growled at him and tried to tilt her hips up. Steve laughed and raised himself up on his hands, so she ran her nails down his chest. "You are being a frightful tease," she complained.
"Draws out the fun," he said.
"I intend to use that entire supply tonight, Steve," Sif declared, reaching up and grasping the back of his neck. She pulled, and he let his elbows unlock so he could be pulled down on top of her. They kissed, mouths open and needy, and Sif grabbed his ass and locked her ankles around his waist. "You're mine, are you not?" she asked against his mouth.
"Yeah," he replied, thrusting a little harder into her. "Yeah, I am."
"And I am yours. I am no gentle maiden, fragile to the touch."
"Don't I know it," Steve replied, giving her a goofy grin.
"So stop treating me as such."
"You're a lady." He kissed her nose. "And I wanna take it slow the first time." He kissed one cheek. "Before it gets too hard the next time." Now the other cheek. "Or the next." Now her forehead. "'Cause yeah, that plan? To use up the box? I like that plan."
Sif laughed. "I have my moments as a strategist."
"Talk like that? So hot," Steve murmured, then leaned in to kiss her mouth. Her arms and legs were wrapped up tight around him, and he rested more or less on his elbows. One hand could grasp her hair if he wanted to, and in this tight position all his thrusts were shallow. She couldn't possibly be feeling much, which was likely why she complained.
Shifting his weight slightly, he ignored her pout when he stilled and reached behind him with one hand to pat her thigh. "Move those, I got an idea."
He repositioned her legs up against his chest once he rose up to his knees and wrapped one arm around her legs to lock them into place. Grinning, he used his other hand to lift her hips slightly so she rested on his thighs a little. Then he started to rock. She gasped, obviously feeling that, and reached down to stroke his thighs. "Heya," he grunted a little, thrusting as deep as he could. "Touch your breasts?"
Sif's lips curled into a sensual smile. "You like them?"
"A lot," Steve admitted. He shifted his free hand to stroke her thighs. "And your legs. Gosh, your gams are just right, and when you move in the gym, I wanna just push you up against the mirrors and kiss you silly."
"So why don't you?" Sif asked, cupping her breasts and giving him a playful pout.
Steve laughed at her ridiculous expression and then bore down harder. Now she gasped and moaned, wiggling a little, and right there, he nearly saw stars. "You like that? Me taking charge a little? Directing things?"
"You're a captain," Sif replied, voice breathless. Her eyes sparkled with desire. "I like that side of you very much."
"I'm close," Steve grunted. He moved his free hand to her clit, beginning to stroke it with enough pressure to get her to arch her back. "How close are you?"
"Not enough."
"Oh yeah, we're using that entire box," Steve grunted as he spilled into the condom, slowing down a little. He shot her a playful grin. "One thing about this serum? Short refractory period."
"Which means?"
"It won't take forever for me to do this again," Steve replied, continuing to rub her clit. She tightened around him, grinning in a pleased sort of way.
"I must say, Midgard does have some benefits Asgard can surely learn from."
Steve couldn't help but laugh again, and he grinned when Sif bucked against his hand and started to whine a little. He watched as she fell apart, entire body twisting beneath him as she came with a gasp and drawn out moan.
It was going to be a fun evening.
***
Tony and Pepper returned from their latest junket with Lockheed Martin and Tony gleefully headed straight for Jane's lab while Pepper went up to their penthouse to start checking in on various messages at Stark Industries. "I got you an early Christmas present!" he chortled.
"I'm Jewish, Tony," Jane replied without even looking away from her computer screen, a pad of paper beside her already covered with half illegible scrawled numbers and formulae. "I don't do Christmas, I do Hanukah."
"Well, then, I got you a present to cover half those eight crazy nights."
Jane let out an aggrieved sigh and scribbled something on her pad. "These numbers just don't compute right, I really thought they would. Make them fit, and that would be a good Hanukah present."
"What about a brand new satellite being launched with all sorts of fancy doodads and sensor arrays that you and Bruce designed?"
Her jaw dropped. "Wait. What? Really? You did it?!"
"I can be very persuasive," Tony preened, grinning at her. "That and getting a contract with them probably helped. Because you know, proprietary contracts and marketing and sharing of data and all that fun stuff. Pepper can bore you with the contractual details if you like. She's upstairs doing more boring paperwork. She loves paperwork. I, on the other hand, like generating it if there are experiments involved."
"The data those arrays will gather will be tremendous. Plus the data streams I can get from Ketilve and the publically available archives..." Jane trailed off, an amazed smile on her face. "This is going to be fabulous."
"That's what I love about you, Foster," Tony chirped. "So appreciative of the finer things. Now, I did agree to do some PR stuff on their behalf. To sweeten the deal or some such."
"So?" Jane asked, not getting his point.
"Charity work. I know, I know, charity can be such a dirty thing. But this is for a good cause, and I think you'd actually like it."
Jane crossed her arms over her chest. "Just because I don't have to put together grant applications doesn't mean I like this," she said in a warning tone.
Tony extended his hands in a placating gesture. "No, no, this is a good thing, I promise! A STEM fundraiser for the NYC Board of Ed! And a generous donation from Lockheed Martin and SI, just to sweeten the deal. You know, get everyone's reputation a good, heaping feel good dose of publicity."
She leaned back in her chair and made a soft, exasperated noise. "Tony..."
"You know how City schools are, especially compared to the Island. We'll be doing good," he said in a wheedling tone.
"Is it just us?"
"I'm going to try to get all of us to go," Tony said, arms sweeping about to encompass the Tower. That would mean the Avengers, so Jane wouldn't necessarily be on her own in a room full of strangers expected to make nice and not talk astrophysics.
"If all of us go, I'll go," she said with an only partially frustrated sigh. "I suppose it would be nice to go out with Thor once in a while with a nice dinner."
"That's the spirit. I can have Pepper direct you to the places to go to get something to wear."
"How do you know I don't have anything to wear to this?" Jane asked suspiciously.
"I don't. But Pepper always gets a new dress and shoes for events, so I figured you might want to, too. I just throw on a suit and try not to get completely plastered," Tony said with a grin. "But sometimes getting plastered makes it easier to tolerate speeches."
Jane snickered and nodded. "I can see that working."
"As the survivor of many a press conference, I can tell you that alcohol makes everything better. But I didn't officially say that," Tony replied cheerfully.
Thor of course was delighted to be about to squire her about, as he put it, and found the idea of formal evening attire amusing. Sif had also been present in the common area, frowning at the movie they were watching. "I fail to see how this is meant to be romantic," she declared, seeing Jane staring at her in concern.
"Oh. I don't like those either. Romantic comedies usually aren't," Jane agreed. "They're actually kind of embarrassing, aren't they? I feel awful just watching someone in some of those situations, I don't find it funny at all."
"Exactly. I'm invited to this event as well?" Sif asked.
"Tony planned to invite everyone, and right now, everyone includes you," Jane told her, plopping down on the couch next to her. "Unless you'd rather not go?"
"Steve would likely wish to attend this, would he not?" Sif asked. Her lips curled into a soft smile at that statement, her feelings plainly evident.
"I think the two of you would look wonderful together," Jane said, patting her arm.
"Boon companions," Thor agreed. "I am so pleased to know he appreciates your worth."
Sif's smile hinted at far more sensual thoughts than those she would be willing to share with Thor and Jane. "That he does, Thor."
***
Loki found Natasha and James in the gym together, doing some light hand to hand work. She was in just a sports bra and loose cut yoga pants, feet bare. James had a long sleeved T shirt and sweat pants, feet also bare. His hair had been pulled back into a ponytail at his nape, Natasha had hers coiled up on top of her head in a bun. His gut tightened at how seamlessly they worked, strike and parry, move and countermove, the fluidity between them proof positive that they indeed trained together once upon a time. They were more than aware of each others' bodies, of how they moved and generally fought. He could spar with her fairly well, and it would seem to be choreographed to outsiders, but he knew how hard he had to work in the moment to keep up with her. James wasn't winded in the slightest, and even had a little grin on his face. This was something he enjoyed, and Natasha's answering smile as she spun past him in a pirouette carried the weight of history and shared secrets.
He wouldn't have this. The utter trust and love and abandon that they had. This was what he wanted, what he had hoped to achieve, and James effortlessly reawakened it in her.
Loki mentally squared his shoulders. No point in weeping or gnashing his teeth. Natasha wouldn't appreciate it and it would only make him look weak. She could take him apart later, when she was settled further into her own skin, when she felt steady enough to break him to fibers and reweave him back together with peace along the threads. He needed it, he could feel the ache deep inside, the longing, the need clawing at the back of his throat. He was glad that Frigga's handmaiden reported that she had taken the children. It was awful sounding, but he hadn't paid any attention to them or their needs recently. Jarvis did, perhaps. But now he didn't even need to pretend. Frigga had them, and she would teach them however and whatever she pleased, and it didn't matter anymore. The children were well cared for. Frigga was, above all else, a mother.
Even of monsters such as him.
Natasha noticed him first. Perhaps it was the magical bond between them, the knowledge of where the other would be worked into their bodies. Her smile didn't falter, thank the Norns, and James didn't seem opposed to his presence.
"Come to spar?" he even asked Loki.
Shaking his head, Loki continued to walk further into the room. "I came to see how you were feeling, if you needed... time with me."
Though she looked blank at his words, Natasha understood when he approached and placed his hand on her throat. "I don't know what you'd rather refer to it as," he said softly. "Or what we would call it without distressing your James." When Loki looked at him, he was very still, jaws grit tight, hands in fists at his sides. "He appears distressed."
"Loki..."
"Perhaps a demonstration is in order," Loki offered, voice as smooth as an oil slick. "You can assist me," he said with a magnanimous smile at James. "Then you can be sure my intentions are not to harm Natasha."
Reluctantly, he was dragged along in their wake. Perhaps Loki shouldn't have grinned so maniacally at Natasha's acceptance, at the lick of her lips when he offered having James help him with her. If she needed the occasional time to be helpless and grounded into her physical self, having James would make it more meaningful for her.
Proving to the soldier that he wasn't going to hurt her would go a long way in reinstating the deal they'd had. That was what he truly wanted, to be ground down and built back up, to be cradled and protected from even himself, even for a moment.
With James in mind, Loki led them to Natasha's suite. She merely lofted an eyebrow at him, but he smiled and made a grand sweeping gesture for her to enter the room. "It doesn't matter where we are for this demonstration, does it?" he asked.
"I suppose not. What are you planning?"
"Eager, are you?" Loki replied, pleased that he could hear the curiosity and eagerness in her voice. James looked confused, as if he didn't understand it. Then again, he had been an empty vessel for so long, he didn't know what it was to be so overwhelmed by being that carving an empty place was a blessing.
"I want to see what you've got." Now her voice carried a playful challenge to it.
No, she wasn't broken. Despite everything, even with her own perception at being broken, she was gloriously whole and alive. She was anything but broken. She was the beauty of a stained glass window at sunrise, an intoxicating wholeness arising from the pieced together shards.
"Shall we begin, then?" Loki asked. "If so, repeat your safe words."
"Andorra to stop, cavern to slow down."
Loki's lips curled in pleasure at her automatic reply. She wasn't feeling lost and overwhelmed, so that meant they could truly play today. "Strip."
She shot him an arch look and crossed her arms beneath her breasts. "I'm disappointed in you."
His hand shot out to grasp her chin tightly. "Orders are to be obeyed immediately and implicitly. I suppose you wish to be disciplined." Loki flicked his gaze to James, who looked affronted on her behalf. "Do be helpful, James," he commanded. "Strip her and then hold her in place."
"I'm not helping you do this," he protested, shaking his head.
When Natasha looked toward him to make a comment, Loki hissed for her to be silent. He had to establish his dominance here, in this scene. Otherwise, it would never work and any chance of helping Natasha in the future would fail.
"If you aren't here to help participate, you may leave," Loki told him, voice hard and pitiless. "I have no time or patience for those of weak constitutions."
James bristled as he was meant to. "I'm not hurting Natasha."
"Who said anything about hurting her?" Loki asked archly.
Confused, James did as Loki asked. Natasha may have smiled and giggled at James, but there was time to correct her lack of deference. James ultimately held Natasha's wrists in his hands above her head, tightly enough to keep her in place but not tight enough to bruise. Natasha stood there, breasts jutting out proudly, that smile on her face that reminded him too much of how she smirked at him when pleased with herself.
So he took her sports bra and snapped her stomach with it.
She yelped in surprise but not actual pain. "Loki-"
"Count it," he snapped. "Five for not obeying, five for your poor attitude."
The smirk slid off of her lips and understanding flared in her eyes. "One."
He nodded and snapped the fabric again. She counted out the ten snaps dutifully, standing at attention. James was frowning, but not intervening yet. Good. Still in observation mode. Loki could work with that.
Blowing gently over her hypersensitive skin, Loki allowed himself a smirk at her sharply indrawn breath. "Ready to follow my direction?"
"Yes," Natasha said. There was no subservience in her tone, not like the night he spanked her, but she wasn't subtly challenging him, either. It would serve his purposes.
He blew over her stomach, then up to her breasts. Kneeling down, he blew gently over her thighs and knees. Natasha quivered, breath sighing in and out of her as she twisted away from his mouth, but she didn't pull away from James' grip. Loki chuckled and stroked her skin after blowing on it, occasionally shifting from the pads of his fingers to the fingernails. Her breath caught at the scratching, and she looked from Loki's bent head to James. Loki caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and noticed that James looked thoughtful, not afraid of the entire process.
Good, because it was time to start stretching a few boundaries.
Pulling back slightly, Loki smiled. He knew there was a touch of menace and deviousness in it, but neither person in front of him seemed frightened. Natasha wasn't slipping closer to subspace, but today wasn't about that. Today was actually more of a test, more to see if James could be on board with this. Loki didn't have any illusions about who ranked higher in Natasha's affections, and he wasn't about to enter a battle he couldn't win.
Unsheathing a knife he kept at the small of his back, Loki held it out in front of them both. "Hold her steady," he commanded James.
It was clear that his prior programming was still largely in place, as at first his hands tightened around her wrists. But then he seemed to realize what he was doing, and glared at Loki. "I won't help you hurt her!"
Loki rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to do that, James," he said, a touch of derision in his tone. "If I was planning for blood play today, I would have put towels on the floor first."
Natasha had been silent, watching him with large eyes. She trusted him not to stab her. Amazing, given their history and that he was holding a knife that could do considerable damage to her. She didn't struggle against James, which he was finally starting to grasp.
James blew out a breath. "But this stops if I think it's gone too far."
"This is the lady's time to submit, Sergeant Barnes. If you're interested in being submissive to me, you get a separate session. Only then do you get to decide when it's over."
He sucked in a breath, and Natasha smirked. Loki grinned at them both, feeling the power that he craved so much fill him. Yes. If he could have them both...
What was he thinking? He didn't want the man. He wanted Natasha.
Twisting his grip slightly, Loki brought the back end of the blade to Natasha's skin. He traced random whorls and loops, moving over the same areas his breath, fingers and nails had been. Her breath was fast in her chest, her lips parted in an almost sultry way, as if begging him for a kiss. It was tempting, her entire body was tempting, but this wasn't about plunging his cock into her, wasn't about commanding her in that sense. He understood it now. While there was an exquisite kind of torture in forcing a body to experience sensual pleasure past its limits, those former sessions hadn't been about her pleasure but his. It had been to prove his sexual prowess to himself, to show that he was not argr, that there was no hint of ergi left about his person after her tender mercies.
This was trust, possibly as close to love with him that she could come. She trusted him not to harm her, trusted him to keep James' sensibilities in check, that he could take care of them if they needed it. For someone like Natasha, this was possibly even more valuable than love.
Loki treated this as a gift, and smirked as he brought the edge of the blade between her legs. He carefully trimmed off a bit of pubic hair, and outright grinned at James' scowl.
"Kiss her, James. You've been very good, you've earned a reward."
He responded instantly, the kiss tender and loving. Oh. They were beautiful together, a perfect compliment. It was more than just coloring; Loki looked good with her, too, in that case. It was more than that, the way they moved in concert, the way they instinctively knew how to touch and please each other.
Though he wanted to be jealous, he suddenly found that he couldn't.
When the kiss broke, he leaned forward and seized Natasha by the back of her neck. Sheathing his blade, Loki smirked at her. "Oh, this is going to be interesting."
"Scene over?" she asked before he leaned in to kiss her.
"For now," he conceded. But they would have to discuss an arrangement that encompassed the three of them. He looked at James with an eyebrow. "Given that this was more for your benefit than for hers, what are your thoughts on the matter?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, brows furrowing.
"Are you comfortable with the thought of Natasha being submissive to me, even in play? Are you comfortable with the idea of helping me if necessary? Is being present for play something you can even stomach?"
James swallowed, and looked at Natasha. She kept her own expression blank, so it was only his opinion that would count. "This wasn't bad," he allowed. "I can do something like this. But not hitting her or forcing her. I can't watch that."
"Striking someone is a different sensation, one that was particularly effective before."
Natasha didn't even look ashamed of that, which Loki was grateful for. Then again, she didn't have the same concept of ergi hanging over her the way that he did. The shame of his degradation at her hands could burn even as he craved it. It was a delicious nectar to drown in, and he ached terribly at not having been putty in her hands for months.
"And I've missed her ministrations, I will admit," Loki said, keeping a straight face at James' surprise. "The sooner we figure out what is a pleasing arrangement, then I may have my own time once again."
"You..." James stopped and nodded absently. "Letting go of responsibility. Sounds good if you have too much of it. I understand that."
"Did you want more responsibility?" Loki asked.
"No. I'm not... good, not like Steve or Sam, not like what he thinks I should be working to be. I'm not."
Interesting. Loki hadn't thought he would have something in common with him aside from Natasha, but that was there. And more importantly, he would never want to dominate Loki, would never push him or penetrate him or taint him.
"I'm sure you're aware I am not, either," Loki replied dryly.
James' lips quirked into a smile rather like Natasha's. "Might've heard something like that."
"Then you know your goodness is not being discussed. Using instruments or my hand to discipline Natasha in an encounter is hardly harming her. I would do no such thing. It's merely sensory input, grounding and filling in empty spaces."
"You sound like it's no big thing."
"It isn't because I care for Natasha's wellbeing. I care for her being whole. I once wanted her broken, but I don't wish for that." Loki thought about how best to put it into words. "She is a rare diamond, James Barnes. The distress cut new facets into her. I merely wish to be her polish."
"Beautiful analogy," Natasha murmured, giving him one of her rare amused smiles. "And somehow at the same time it manages to be completely filthy."
"All the best ones are."
She actually laughed outright, and that was like music for Loki. He recalled the vision of her he had seen, laughing and clinging to him, loving him, a child and colleagues and respect and a bright future in store for that version of him. Perhaps it was something to wish for, perhaps not, but he had a long way to go before he could earn such riches.
"Or instead of negotiating dom/sub sessions," Natasha suggested, head tilted slightly, "do we need to negotiate how the three of us would work in a relationship?"
Loki's stomach bottomed out of him. He couldn't tell if it was anticipation or dread of what she would want, but it at least wasn't despair.
"You mean you want me to fuck him?" James asked, brows furrowed in thought. His voice sounded curious rather than outraged, and something inside Loki quailed at the thought of being held down and fucked by anyone other than Natasha. It was different with her. She was special, she had earned that right and knew what it meant to him.
"I can't do that," Loki said quietly, a faint tremor in his voice. He gestured vaguely between himself and James, though his eyes were fixed on Natasha. "Not even for you, I can't... That. If it was to him, perhaps, but..."
"You can't even say it," Natasha observed, eyebrow and lips quirked in amusement. He flushed in embarrassment and anger, frustration making him clench his hands and teeth. She closed the gap between them and touched his cheek. "Ergi. I know. I'm not asking you to do anything you're not comfortable with. We haven't reinstated our deal since I broke it. But the safe word would still work, you know."
Loki exhaled slowly. "Ah. This is... this is good," he declared, finally. "And if we were to reinstate our deal, I would be much obliged."
Her eyes flicked to James, who stood patiently, as if they weren't discussing his participation in anything. "You know what I want, Loki. I haven't the heart to choose."
"Interesting phrasing," he commented.
She backed away a little, and he was immediately bereft. "No penetration for you. Unless it's from me, right?"
He licked his lips as he nodded, then looked uncertainly at James. "Yes."
James didn't acknowledge his unease. He merely nodded briskly. "That's fine. Those are the parameters you set. It wouldn't be the first time I've been used for such a thing."
The color drained from Loki's face, and he remembered the highlights in her upbringing in the Red Room, the competition for resources, the training, the way handlers and administrators corrupted bodies and souls regardless of how old the girls were. She gave him a sharp nod to confirm his worst fears, and he felt physically ill.
Dropping gracefully to his knees, James didn't even change expression. "Do you need a demonstration, Loki?"
He pressed a hand to his stomach as he shook his head. "No. No. I would never-It isn't right, wouldn't be-" He looked at Natasha helplessly, feeling ready to retch on the spot. The joy in handling the both of them earlier was gone. "I remember. From Asgard. The fear, that cloying sense of terror on my skin, if I would fall prey... No, I would not inflict that upon another as I used to imply." Loki looked at James intently. "There would be no force, do you understand? No coercion. No trickery. You care for Natasha, and I care for Natasha. That is enough, and I would not harm her by harming you. And forcing anything, ordering you and implying you have no choice... that would pain her greatly. It should pain you. Should anything else occur, it would be your choice in the matter."
James rose to his feet, nodding. "Those are the parameters, then."
Loki blinked, and looked almost helplessly at Natasha. Were they actually negotiating how the three of them would proceed? Was this really happening? He hadn't intended for that to happen when he suggested playing with her today.
"No one is doing anything they're not comfortable with. This isn't the Red Room."
Endless children being tortured on a whim, ordered to become killing and manipulating machines. Natasha was turned from a windup ballerina into a blade. James had been a loyal friend and turned into a blunt instrument of destruction. Yelena could very well have been an ordinary little girl if not for the Red Room. They were all broken in different ways, reshaped into something monstrously different.
Loki didn't have that excuse. He had been a horrific, soulless demon for far too long, and it had been his own making. There was no one else to blame but him.
"No, it is not. This is something else, something I have no name for," Loki admitted.
"Release," James said quietly. "Because otherwise, we fall apart or explode. Because for some things, there are no words that fit. No way to explain."
Natasha nodded, and Loki found himself agreeing as well. "Then I think we have our deal back in place," she murmured with a slight smile.
Loki blew out a breath, then smiled. "Yes, I believe we do."
Anticipation thrummed in his veins, and he felt almost good as he did when Natasha cradled him in her arms after a particularly thorough session in Astoria.
This was going to be wonderful.
***
***
To Chapter Four - Dynamic Shift
Series: #18 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes, #12 - Can't Be Ignored, #13 - Make You Ill, #14 - Aim Straight, #15 - Not The First Time, #16 - Friendly Fire, #17 - Relieved)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Natasha/Bucky, Steve/Sif
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-Avengers, AU to the rest of MCU. Alludes to events in prior stories and outright references others. References for Red Room mindfuckery, PTSD, violence.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups.
Summary: Everyone was see-sawing into some kind of equilibrium. Sometimes, it didn't even get traumatic.
Previous chapters:
One - Pride
Two - Connections
Three - Arranging Playtime
Feeling out of sorts and with nothing to do, Loki roamed the hallways of Avengers Tower. Sam was farther along the mend now, back at work at the VA. Loki could always join him, and the others there accepted his presence there. But he didn't want to hear their awful stories and feel misery clawing at his throat. He didn't want to feel sorry for himself or anyone else. He didn't want to open a vein and let out his own woes, even if they could understand it. Sam deserved better than a half hearted attempt to attend. He had treated Loki fairly from the start, and earned Loki's respect from their time together in Japan.
No, he would have to find something else to keep him busy when magic didn't do the trick.
Most of the others sorted out into activities that kept them busy. Shopping or research or the like, and he didn't have a consuming project at the moment. He supposed he could try to develop better shielding spells, but there really was no need for it on this realm. The magical practitioners were so infantile that the current spells were more than adequate. Frigga had taken the Baron's children, so he didn't have that as an occasional distraction either.
Wait, there was a familiar voice. Soft, as if not wanting to be overheard.
So of course Loki wanted to overhear, and he crept closer.
"This is... separate," Natasha murmured quietly.
That was rather intriguing, and Loki extended his sense as best as he could without using magic. He didn't know if she would be able to sense its use, but there was no point in risking it.
"Because he matters that much to you, and I can't do this for you," James replied, sounding sad.
"James..."
"No, I can't. I can't be like Department X."
"This isn't the same thing, James. They forced us to do all kinds of things, be all kinds of things." There was the sound of rustling, as if she was sliding closer to him. It was likely all above board; they were in the common areas, and Natasha was not an exhibitionist. A persona might be, but she wasn't.
"I don't understand this, and I don't like it."
Natasha let out a soft sigh. "I'm wound tight," she said quietly. "Your secrets, my secrets, other peoples' secrets, it doesn't matter. And our reunion, being with Yelena, it uncovered a lot of memories I thought were buried or didn't realize were still there. I'm not as put together as I look. I don't feel like myself. Not that I'm any of my covers, but I don't feel settled the way I was when I thought I could handle Yelena."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Natasha murmured, and then there was the sound of a soft kiss. "Don't fault yourself for what happened. Zola and his men did whatever it was they did. Department X did more. And even Yelena, with all the triggers she wouldn't let me undo... None of this is your fault."
"If I'm not at fault, then neither are you," James pointed out.
Natasha's silence was pained, and proof positive that she couldn’t agree. Ah, Natasha, Loki wanted to sigh. When will you ever let go of your guilt?
"When I was with Loki that night, it wasn't the pain I wanted or needed. But it was grounding. It brought me back to myself, to my body. That's what I needed. To not think, to only feel, and to know it was happening now, and to me, and that I could let go of the control. But if it went too far, I could stop it if I needed to. I wouldn't be overwhelmed or used."
Yes, Loki wanted to say. Because that was exactly the feeling he had when with Natasha, and he ached so much without her.
"I'm sure there are other ways to connect me to the present, to my physical self, but I can't do service, I can't do roleplay. It's too similar to what every agency has ever done to me, even with my consent. It won't ground me. It won't help. I'm open to suggestions if spanking unnerves you, but I've even come up with a blank."
"It's sensation you need, right?"
"Yes."
"It doesn't have to be punishment. That's what bothers me, Natalia. That he would punish you for being you, just like they did."
Loki could hear the pain in James' voice, the helplessness and hurt at what he must have seen over the years. James had been there, he knew what the Red Room had been capable of doing to the girls. Now he understood the opposition and hesitance.
And apparently so did Natasha. "I didn't see it from that point of view. So then I would just need to discuss other kinds of sensory play, and it wouldn't trouble you so much?"
"That would help, yes."
Another kiss, lingering and sounding more than comforting. Loki wanted to growl or hit something, but Natasha loved this man. He knew that she didn't love him. She needed him, she tolerated him, she cared for him on some level. But it wasn't the same, and it burned at his gut that he couldn't command her affections.
Well, he could, but it wouldn't be real, and he didn't want a facsimile of her love.
He stalked off before he could be caught. Sensory play, hm? That he could definitely do.
***
Steve was a little nervous, but had put on a nice outfit before knocking on the door to the suite that Sif was staying in. He'd been inside of it already, and had been appreciative of all the sumptuous gold and mahogany accents in its décor, the vast landscape paintings and priceless antiques that Pepper had chosen to make Sif feel more at home. He'd been more appreciative of the deeply plush carpeting and the butter soft leather furniture that he could sink into. It had also been very comfortable when visiting Sif and they had kissed and petted, when he had come this close to actually sleeping with her before he remembered to ask if there were certain precautions he would have to take to prevent pregnancy. The look on Sif's face had been a mixture of comical and horrified, which cooled both of them down.
The conversation had been informative, though. Physiology was similar enough that there obviously wouldn't be incompatibility. They weren't sure about the genetics of it, given that Asgardian women didn't have monthly menstrual cycles but seasonal breeding times, and Sif had always studiously avoided women in breeding cycles to avoid triggering hers.
In other words, they didn't know if Steve could get her pregnant. And he wasn't about to take that risk if she wasn't ready and willing.
He had felt somewhat awkward about buying condoms at the drugstore, in case someone got it in their head to take photos of Captain America and make jokes about what brand he picked, but there hadn't been a single comment at the register, thankfully. It was apparently nothing out of the ordinary for a drugstore employee to ring it up along with a few other random purchases late at night, so Steve was ready in case anything would happen. Which it should, because they both had every intention of it the other night.
Sif was dressed in a slinky black dress with a scoop neckline that hit right above the knee. There was little embellishment to it, but there was no need for it. Her knee high black boots also had daggers hidden in them, and her hair was pulled back with a number of sharp pins. She smiled at Steve and playfully shut his open mouth. "I gather you approve of my dress."
"Oh, yes," he replied, nodding. "Um... Were you more in the mood for 1940's theme or 1950's Broadway theme?" he asked, extending his arm in a gallant manner.
"Is there a difference?" she asked. "I'm not as aware enough of the differences in your culture."
"The 1940's is the time I was away in the war. A few cocktail bars and lounges here in Midtown have that aesthetic going. As for the fifties... I missed that experience. But I've been to Ellen's Stardust Diner once before and it seemed kinda fun. A lot of the wait staff sing and dance, too."
"Dinner and a show?" Sif teased, still grinning at him. "I'm impressed."
"Well, good," he replied with a smile of his own. "Only the best for you."
They opted for the diner rather than any of the more upscale clubs and lounges for dinner, since it seemed like a better fit. They weren't having dinner before or after going to the theater, and most of the lounges were too upscale. As much as Steve could change his outfit to try to fit in, he didn't feel comfortable in that kind of setting. He liked squeezing in next to Sif in a booth, ordering a platter with fries and cole slaw, listening to the wait staff singing Broadway tunes and pop songs, then deciding he wanted to walk with Sif in the middle of Times Square just to see it all lit up in its gaudy glory late at night. She laughed at his lame jokes and linked her fingers through his, and pointed out how much she felt at home walking beneath the skyscrapers that blotted out the sky.
He spun her around for a kiss as they moved beyond the bright lights of the theater district, down a side street that was dark and empty. Prime pickpocketing spot, really, but neither of them cared about that kind of thing. It was perfect to press his mouth against hers, to wind his arms around her and hold her close. Dance clubs didn't fit him, some of the plays on Broadway he didn't care to see again, and he really only wanted to spend time with Sif. They didn't need anything fancy for that, and her lips danced against his as she wound her arms around him as well.
"My suite?" he asked, lips still pressed against hers.
"Absolutely."
Steve felt like a teenager as they went up the back elevator to Avengers Tower, which was utterly ridiculous, and he kept laughing as if he was drunk. The beers with dinner hadn't affected Sif either, but the anticipation made her laugh every time Steve did. He had Jarvis play the jazz mix he liked in the background, and then simply kissed Sif. He enjoyed that, the way the touch of her lips and tongue on his could set a sizzle into his bloodstream. That made him feel buzzed as if he had alcohol, as if he had oxygen deprivation.
There were worse things in the world than being drunk on Sif.
She seemed just as taken with him, which was flattering; Steve might know logically that he was just as good a fella as anyone else, but he still thought of himself as the kid from Brooklyn that constantly had to prove he was worthy. He was always trying to do the right thing, because it never felt enough. But with Sif he felt good enough. He felt as if he was every bit the worthy warrior he wanted to be, that he could make everyone proud.
They didn't talk, but somehow there was an unspoken consensus to start undoing clothes. He walked her backward toward his bedroom, a sprawling, open space that he found soothing. It wasn't so busy as Sif's suite, as his was all cream colored walls and sparse furnishings that were sturdy and serviceable. He was more about doing than simply sitting in the suite, and it hadn't really occurred to him until recently that he should think about doing in the suite as well.
Sif didn't care, and merely pulled off the last of his clothing. "I know we talked of risk and offspring last time," she said, moving to kiss his jaw. Grasping his burgeoning cock in hand, she gave him a saucy grin. "I find the risk worth taking."
"I, uh, I picked up condoms. So it's less risk." He disentangled himself to grab the box from his nightstand. "'S why I suggested here and not upstairs."
"Do show me how this invention works," Sif said, lips curling sensuously.
Funny how it didn't feel awkward with Sif, when he remembered feeling that way with one of the dancing girls on tour having to walk him through everything. His body hadn't felt like his own back then, though, and Hattie hadn't been someone he cared about in this way. It had been a quick tumble when he had thought he lost Peggy's respect, trying to figure out what he was missing. Hattie had seemed satisfied enough, but he had been disappointed. He didn't have the right partner, so that had to make the difference.
Steve lavished her skin with touches and kisses, revering her. Sif was hardly a passive participant either, touching him in turn and murmuring softly in Allspeak when particularly pleased with something. "Huh. What's that mean?"
"Continue," she said with a gasp and a smile. "As in, continue or I shall not be held responsible for my actions."
He caught the pronunciation after two more of her repetitions; he had always been good with languages, especially when motivated to pick it up. Pushing her onto her back on his wide bed, Steve straddled her legs and let his hands run across her torso. He urged her to teach him some useful Allspeak words and phrases, beautiful and more and wonderful and goddess, each one punctuated by strokes along her breasts and a kiss between them. Sif was content to play along for now, fingers twined in his hair, tugging when he tried to move away to ask for more words.
"Enough," she panted. "No more teasing. Put those inventions to good use."
"Still can't believe they don't got 'em in Asgard," he murmured as he took the condom she had snatched up to give him.
"We're not supposed to have such things as recreational sport." She ran her nails along his thighs, smirking when he shivered. "There are whispers, of course, but I hardly had acquaintances who would speak of such things with me."
"Hardly fair," Steve replied, ripping the packet open and rolling the condom onto his erect cock.
"But we're here now. And should I return to Asgard, you would simply bring these with you when you visit me."
Steve gave her an almost giddy grin as he urged her legs apart. "Already planning for more?" he teased, nudging her entrance.
Sif reached down and pulled his body into her, sighing contentedly as he sank home. "Steve, you are not so easy to forget."
"Neither are you, Sif."
He moved slowly at first, until she literally growled at him and tried to tilt her hips up. Steve laughed and raised himself up on his hands, so she ran her nails down his chest. "You are being a frightful tease," she complained.
"Draws out the fun," he said.
"I intend to use that entire supply tonight, Steve," Sif declared, reaching up and grasping the back of his neck. She pulled, and he let his elbows unlock so he could be pulled down on top of her. They kissed, mouths open and needy, and Sif grabbed his ass and locked her ankles around his waist. "You're mine, are you not?" she asked against his mouth.
"Yeah," he replied, thrusting a little harder into her. "Yeah, I am."
"And I am yours. I am no gentle maiden, fragile to the touch."
"Don't I know it," Steve replied, giving her a goofy grin.
"So stop treating me as such."
"You're a lady." He kissed her nose. "And I wanna take it slow the first time." He kissed one cheek. "Before it gets too hard the next time." Now the other cheek. "Or the next." Now her forehead. "'Cause yeah, that plan? To use up the box? I like that plan."
Sif laughed. "I have my moments as a strategist."
"Talk like that? So hot," Steve murmured, then leaned in to kiss her mouth. Her arms and legs were wrapped up tight around him, and he rested more or less on his elbows. One hand could grasp her hair if he wanted to, and in this tight position all his thrusts were shallow. She couldn't possibly be feeling much, which was likely why she complained.
Shifting his weight slightly, he ignored her pout when he stilled and reached behind him with one hand to pat her thigh. "Move those, I got an idea."
He repositioned her legs up against his chest once he rose up to his knees and wrapped one arm around her legs to lock them into place. Grinning, he used his other hand to lift her hips slightly so she rested on his thighs a little. Then he started to rock. She gasped, obviously feeling that, and reached down to stroke his thighs. "Heya," he grunted a little, thrusting as deep as he could. "Touch your breasts?"
Sif's lips curled into a sensual smile. "You like them?"
"A lot," Steve admitted. He shifted his free hand to stroke her thighs. "And your legs. Gosh, your gams are just right, and when you move in the gym, I wanna just push you up against the mirrors and kiss you silly."
"So why don't you?" Sif asked, cupping her breasts and giving him a playful pout.
Steve laughed at her ridiculous expression and then bore down harder. Now she gasped and moaned, wiggling a little, and right there, he nearly saw stars. "You like that? Me taking charge a little? Directing things?"
"You're a captain," Sif replied, voice breathless. Her eyes sparkled with desire. "I like that side of you very much."
"I'm close," Steve grunted. He moved his free hand to her clit, beginning to stroke it with enough pressure to get her to arch her back. "How close are you?"
"Not enough."
"Oh yeah, we're using that entire box," Steve grunted as he spilled into the condom, slowing down a little. He shot her a playful grin. "One thing about this serum? Short refractory period."
"Which means?"
"It won't take forever for me to do this again," Steve replied, continuing to rub her clit. She tightened around him, grinning in a pleased sort of way.
"I must say, Midgard does have some benefits Asgard can surely learn from."
Steve couldn't help but laugh again, and he grinned when Sif bucked against his hand and started to whine a little. He watched as she fell apart, entire body twisting beneath him as she came with a gasp and drawn out moan.
It was going to be a fun evening.
***
Tony and Pepper returned from their latest junket with Lockheed Martin and Tony gleefully headed straight for Jane's lab while Pepper went up to their penthouse to start checking in on various messages at Stark Industries. "I got you an early Christmas present!" he chortled.
"I'm Jewish, Tony," Jane replied without even looking away from her computer screen, a pad of paper beside her already covered with half illegible scrawled numbers and formulae. "I don't do Christmas, I do Hanukah."
"Well, then, I got you a present to cover half those eight crazy nights."
Jane let out an aggrieved sigh and scribbled something on her pad. "These numbers just don't compute right, I really thought they would. Make them fit, and that would be a good Hanukah present."
"What about a brand new satellite being launched with all sorts of fancy doodads and sensor arrays that you and Bruce designed?"
Her jaw dropped. "Wait. What? Really? You did it?!"
"I can be very persuasive," Tony preened, grinning at her. "That and getting a contract with them probably helped. Because you know, proprietary contracts and marketing and sharing of data and all that fun stuff. Pepper can bore you with the contractual details if you like. She's upstairs doing more boring paperwork. She loves paperwork. I, on the other hand, like generating it if there are experiments involved."
"The data those arrays will gather will be tremendous. Plus the data streams I can get from Ketilve and the publically available archives..." Jane trailed off, an amazed smile on her face. "This is going to be fabulous."
"That's what I love about you, Foster," Tony chirped. "So appreciative of the finer things. Now, I did agree to do some PR stuff on their behalf. To sweeten the deal or some such."
"So?" Jane asked, not getting his point.
"Charity work. I know, I know, charity can be such a dirty thing. But this is for a good cause, and I think you'd actually like it."
Jane crossed her arms over her chest. "Just because I don't have to put together grant applications doesn't mean I like this," she said in a warning tone.
Tony extended his hands in a placating gesture. "No, no, this is a good thing, I promise! A STEM fundraiser for the NYC Board of Ed! And a generous donation from Lockheed Martin and SI, just to sweeten the deal. You know, get everyone's reputation a good, heaping feel good dose of publicity."
She leaned back in her chair and made a soft, exasperated noise. "Tony..."
"You know how City schools are, especially compared to the Island. We'll be doing good," he said in a wheedling tone.
"Is it just us?"
"I'm going to try to get all of us to go," Tony said, arms sweeping about to encompass the Tower. That would mean the Avengers, so Jane wouldn't necessarily be on her own in a room full of strangers expected to make nice and not talk astrophysics.
"If all of us go, I'll go," she said with an only partially frustrated sigh. "I suppose it would be nice to go out with Thor once in a while with a nice dinner."
"That's the spirit. I can have Pepper direct you to the places to go to get something to wear."
"How do you know I don't have anything to wear to this?" Jane asked suspiciously.
"I don't. But Pepper always gets a new dress and shoes for events, so I figured you might want to, too. I just throw on a suit and try not to get completely plastered," Tony said with a grin. "But sometimes getting plastered makes it easier to tolerate speeches."
Jane snickered and nodded. "I can see that working."
"As the survivor of many a press conference, I can tell you that alcohol makes everything better. But I didn't officially say that," Tony replied cheerfully.
Thor of course was delighted to be about to squire her about, as he put it, and found the idea of formal evening attire amusing. Sif had also been present in the common area, frowning at the movie they were watching. "I fail to see how this is meant to be romantic," she declared, seeing Jane staring at her in concern.
"Oh. I don't like those either. Romantic comedies usually aren't," Jane agreed. "They're actually kind of embarrassing, aren't they? I feel awful just watching someone in some of those situations, I don't find it funny at all."
"Exactly. I'm invited to this event as well?" Sif asked.
"Tony planned to invite everyone, and right now, everyone includes you," Jane told her, plopping down on the couch next to her. "Unless you'd rather not go?"
"Steve would likely wish to attend this, would he not?" Sif asked. Her lips curled into a soft smile at that statement, her feelings plainly evident.
"I think the two of you would look wonderful together," Jane said, patting her arm.
"Boon companions," Thor agreed. "I am so pleased to know he appreciates your worth."
Sif's smile hinted at far more sensual thoughts than those she would be willing to share with Thor and Jane. "That he does, Thor."
***
Loki found Natasha and James in the gym together, doing some light hand to hand work. She was in just a sports bra and loose cut yoga pants, feet bare. James had a long sleeved T shirt and sweat pants, feet also bare. His hair had been pulled back into a ponytail at his nape, Natasha had hers coiled up on top of her head in a bun. His gut tightened at how seamlessly they worked, strike and parry, move and countermove, the fluidity between them proof positive that they indeed trained together once upon a time. They were more than aware of each others' bodies, of how they moved and generally fought. He could spar with her fairly well, and it would seem to be choreographed to outsiders, but he knew how hard he had to work in the moment to keep up with her. James wasn't winded in the slightest, and even had a little grin on his face. This was something he enjoyed, and Natasha's answering smile as she spun past him in a pirouette carried the weight of history and shared secrets.
He wouldn't have this. The utter trust and love and abandon that they had. This was what he wanted, what he had hoped to achieve, and James effortlessly reawakened it in her.
Loki mentally squared his shoulders. No point in weeping or gnashing his teeth. Natasha wouldn't appreciate it and it would only make him look weak. She could take him apart later, when she was settled further into her own skin, when she felt steady enough to break him to fibers and reweave him back together with peace along the threads. He needed it, he could feel the ache deep inside, the longing, the need clawing at the back of his throat. He was glad that Frigga's handmaiden reported that she had taken the children. It was awful sounding, but he hadn't paid any attention to them or their needs recently. Jarvis did, perhaps. But now he didn't even need to pretend. Frigga had them, and she would teach them however and whatever she pleased, and it didn't matter anymore. The children were well cared for. Frigga was, above all else, a mother.
Even of monsters such as him.
Natasha noticed him first. Perhaps it was the magical bond between them, the knowledge of where the other would be worked into their bodies. Her smile didn't falter, thank the Norns, and James didn't seem opposed to his presence.
"Come to spar?" he even asked Loki.
Shaking his head, Loki continued to walk further into the room. "I came to see how you were feeling, if you needed... time with me."
Though she looked blank at his words, Natasha understood when he approached and placed his hand on her throat. "I don't know what you'd rather refer to it as," he said softly. "Or what we would call it without distressing your James." When Loki looked at him, he was very still, jaws grit tight, hands in fists at his sides. "He appears distressed."
"Loki..."
"Perhaps a demonstration is in order," Loki offered, voice as smooth as an oil slick. "You can assist me," he said with a magnanimous smile at James. "Then you can be sure my intentions are not to harm Natasha."
Reluctantly, he was dragged along in their wake. Perhaps Loki shouldn't have grinned so maniacally at Natasha's acceptance, at the lick of her lips when he offered having James help him with her. If she needed the occasional time to be helpless and grounded into her physical self, having James would make it more meaningful for her.
Proving to the soldier that he wasn't going to hurt her would go a long way in reinstating the deal they'd had. That was what he truly wanted, to be ground down and built back up, to be cradled and protected from even himself, even for a moment.
With James in mind, Loki led them to Natasha's suite. She merely lofted an eyebrow at him, but he smiled and made a grand sweeping gesture for her to enter the room. "It doesn't matter where we are for this demonstration, does it?" he asked.
"I suppose not. What are you planning?"
"Eager, are you?" Loki replied, pleased that he could hear the curiosity and eagerness in her voice. James looked confused, as if he didn't understand it. Then again, he had been an empty vessel for so long, he didn't know what it was to be so overwhelmed by being that carving an empty place was a blessing.
"I want to see what you've got." Now her voice carried a playful challenge to it.
No, she wasn't broken. Despite everything, even with her own perception at being broken, she was gloriously whole and alive. She was anything but broken. She was the beauty of a stained glass window at sunrise, an intoxicating wholeness arising from the pieced together shards.
"Shall we begin, then?" Loki asked. "If so, repeat your safe words."
"Andorra to stop, cavern to slow down."
Loki's lips curled in pleasure at her automatic reply. She wasn't feeling lost and overwhelmed, so that meant they could truly play today. "Strip."
She shot him an arch look and crossed her arms beneath her breasts. "I'm disappointed in you."
His hand shot out to grasp her chin tightly. "Orders are to be obeyed immediately and implicitly. I suppose you wish to be disciplined." Loki flicked his gaze to James, who looked affronted on her behalf. "Do be helpful, James," he commanded. "Strip her and then hold her in place."
"I'm not helping you do this," he protested, shaking his head.
When Natasha looked toward him to make a comment, Loki hissed for her to be silent. He had to establish his dominance here, in this scene. Otherwise, it would never work and any chance of helping Natasha in the future would fail.
"If you aren't here to help participate, you may leave," Loki told him, voice hard and pitiless. "I have no time or patience for those of weak constitutions."
James bristled as he was meant to. "I'm not hurting Natasha."
"Who said anything about hurting her?" Loki asked archly.
Confused, James did as Loki asked. Natasha may have smiled and giggled at James, but there was time to correct her lack of deference. James ultimately held Natasha's wrists in his hands above her head, tightly enough to keep her in place but not tight enough to bruise. Natasha stood there, breasts jutting out proudly, that smile on her face that reminded him too much of how she smirked at him when pleased with herself.
So he took her sports bra and snapped her stomach with it.
She yelped in surprise but not actual pain. "Loki-"
"Count it," he snapped. "Five for not obeying, five for your poor attitude."
The smirk slid off of her lips and understanding flared in her eyes. "One."
He nodded and snapped the fabric again. She counted out the ten snaps dutifully, standing at attention. James was frowning, but not intervening yet. Good. Still in observation mode. Loki could work with that.
Blowing gently over her hypersensitive skin, Loki allowed himself a smirk at her sharply indrawn breath. "Ready to follow my direction?"
"Yes," Natasha said. There was no subservience in her tone, not like the night he spanked her, but she wasn't subtly challenging him, either. It would serve his purposes.
He blew over her stomach, then up to her breasts. Kneeling down, he blew gently over her thighs and knees. Natasha quivered, breath sighing in and out of her as she twisted away from his mouth, but she didn't pull away from James' grip. Loki chuckled and stroked her skin after blowing on it, occasionally shifting from the pads of his fingers to the fingernails. Her breath caught at the scratching, and she looked from Loki's bent head to James. Loki caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and noticed that James looked thoughtful, not afraid of the entire process.
Good, because it was time to start stretching a few boundaries.
Pulling back slightly, Loki smiled. He knew there was a touch of menace and deviousness in it, but neither person in front of him seemed frightened. Natasha wasn't slipping closer to subspace, but today wasn't about that. Today was actually more of a test, more to see if James could be on board with this. Loki didn't have any illusions about who ranked higher in Natasha's affections, and he wasn't about to enter a battle he couldn't win.
Unsheathing a knife he kept at the small of his back, Loki held it out in front of them both. "Hold her steady," he commanded James.
It was clear that his prior programming was still largely in place, as at first his hands tightened around her wrists. But then he seemed to realize what he was doing, and glared at Loki. "I won't help you hurt her!"
Loki rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to do that, James," he said, a touch of derision in his tone. "If I was planning for blood play today, I would have put towels on the floor first."
Natasha had been silent, watching him with large eyes. She trusted him not to stab her. Amazing, given their history and that he was holding a knife that could do considerable damage to her. She didn't struggle against James, which he was finally starting to grasp.
James blew out a breath. "But this stops if I think it's gone too far."
"This is the lady's time to submit, Sergeant Barnes. If you're interested in being submissive to me, you get a separate session. Only then do you get to decide when it's over."
He sucked in a breath, and Natasha smirked. Loki grinned at them both, feeling the power that he craved so much fill him. Yes. If he could have them both...
What was he thinking? He didn't want the man. He wanted Natasha.
Twisting his grip slightly, Loki brought the back end of the blade to Natasha's skin. He traced random whorls and loops, moving over the same areas his breath, fingers and nails had been. Her breath was fast in her chest, her lips parted in an almost sultry way, as if begging him for a kiss. It was tempting, her entire body was tempting, but this wasn't about plunging his cock into her, wasn't about commanding her in that sense. He understood it now. While there was an exquisite kind of torture in forcing a body to experience sensual pleasure past its limits, those former sessions hadn't been about her pleasure but his. It had been to prove his sexual prowess to himself, to show that he was not argr, that there was no hint of ergi left about his person after her tender mercies.
This was trust, possibly as close to love with him that she could come. She trusted him not to harm her, trusted him to keep James' sensibilities in check, that he could take care of them if they needed it. For someone like Natasha, this was possibly even more valuable than love.
Loki treated this as a gift, and smirked as he brought the edge of the blade between her legs. He carefully trimmed off a bit of pubic hair, and outright grinned at James' scowl.
"Kiss her, James. You've been very good, you've earned a reward."
He responded instantly, the kiss tender and loving. Oh. They were beautiful together, a perfect compliment. It was more than just coloring; Loki looked good with her, too, in that case. It was more than that, the way they moved in concert, the way they instinctively knew how to touch and please each other.
Though he wanted to be jealous, he suddenly found that he couldn't.
When the kiss broke, he leaned forward and seized Natasha by the back of her neck. Sheathing his blade, Loki smirked at her. "Oh, this is going to be interesting."
"Scene over?" she asked before he leaned in to kiss her.
"For now," he conceded. But they would have to discuss an arrangement that encompassed the three of them. He looked at James with an eyebrow. "Given that this was more for your benefit than for hers, what are your thoughts on the matter?"
"What do you mean?" he asked, brows furrowing.
"Are you comfortable with the thought of Natasha being submissive to me, even in play? Are you comfortable with the idea of helping me if necessary? Is being present for play something you can even stomach?"
James swallowed, and looked at Natasha. She kept her own expression blank, so it was only his opinion that would count. "This wasn't bad," he allowed. "I can do something like this. But not hitting her or forcing her. I can't watch that."
"Striking someone is a different sensation, one that was particularly effective before."
Natasha didn't even look ashamed of that, which Loki was grateful for. Then again, she didn't have the same concept of ergi hanging over her the way that he did. The shame of his degradation at her hands could burn even as he craved it. It was a delicious nectar to drown in, and he ached terribly at not having been putty in her hands for months.
"And I've missed her ministrations, I will admit," Loki said, keeping a straight face at James' surprise. "The sooner we figure out what is a pleasing arrangement, then I may have my own time once again."
"You..." James stopped and nodded absently. "Letting go of responsibility. Sounds good if you have too much of it. I understand that."
"Did you want more responsibility?" Loki asked.
"No. I'm not... good, not like Steve or Sam, not like what he thinks I should be working to be. I'm not."
Interesting. Loki hadn't thought he would have something in common with him aside from Natasha, but that was there. And more importantly, he would never want to dominate Loki, would never push him or penetrate him or taint him.
"I'm sure you're aware I am not, either," Loki replied dryly.
James' lips quirked into a smile rather like Natasha's. "Might've heard something like that."
"Then you know your goodness is not being discussed. Using instruments or my hand to discipline Natasha in an encounter is hardly harming her. I would do no such thing. It's merely sensory input, grounding and filling in empty spaces."
"You sound like it's no big thing."
"It isn't because I care for Natasha's wellbeing. I care for her being whole. I once wanted her broken, but I don't wish for that." Loki thought about how best to put it into words. "She is a rare diamond, James Barnes. The distress cut new facets into her. I merely wish to be her polish."
"Beautiful analogy," Natasha murmured, giving him one of her rare amused smiles. "And somehow at the same time it manages to be completely filthy."
"All the best ones are."
She actually laughed outright, and that was like music for Loki. He recalled the vision of her he had seen, laughing and clinging to him, loving him, a child and colleagues and respect and a bright future in store for that version of him. Perhaps it was something to wish for, perhaps not, but he had a long way to go before he could earn such riches.
"Or instead of negotiating dom/sub sessions," Natasha suggested, head tilted slightly, "do we need to negotiate how the three of us would work in a relationship?"
Loki's stomach bottomed out of him. He couldn't tell if it was anticipation or dread of what she would want, but it at least wasn't despair.
"You mean you want me to fuck him?" James asked, brows furrowed in thought. His voice sounded curious rather than outraged, and something inside Loki quailed at the thought of being held down and fucked by anyone other than Natasha. It was different with her. She was special, she had earned that right and knew what it meant to him.
"I can't do that," Loki said quietly, a faint tremor in his voice. He gestured vaguely between himself and James, though his eyes were fixed on Natasha. "Not even for you, I can't... That. If it was to him, perhaps, but..."
"You can't even say it," Natasha observed, eyebrow and lips quirked in amusement. He flushed in embarrassment and anger, frustration making him clench his hands and teeth. She closed the gap between them and touched his cheek. "Ergi. I know. I'm not asking you to do anything you're not comfortable with. We haven't reinstated our deal since I broke it. But the safe word would still work, you know."
Loki exhaled slowly. "Ah. This is... this is good," he declared, finally. "And if we were to reinstate our deal, I would be much obliged."
Her eyes flicked to James, who stood patiently, as if they weren't discussing his participation in anything. "You know what I want, Loki. I haven't the heart to choose."
"Interesting phrasing," he commented.
She backed away a little, and he was immediately bereft. "No penetration for you. Unless it's from me, right?"
He licked his lips as he nodded, then looked uncertainly at James. "Yes."
James didn't acknowledge his unease. He merely nodded briskly. "That's fine. Those are the parameters you set. It wouldn't be the first time I've been used for such a thing."
The color drained from Loki's face, and he remembered the highlights in her upbringing in the Red Room, the competition for resources, the training, the way handlers and administrators corrupted bodies and souls regardless of how old the girls were. She gave him a sharp nod to confirm his worst fears, and he felt physically ill.
Dropping gracefully to his knees, James didn't even change expression. "Do you need a demonstration, Loki?"
He pressed a hand to his stomach as he shook his head. "No. No. I would never-It isn't right, wouldn't be-" He looked at Natasha helplessly, feeling ready to retch on the spot. The joy in handling the both of them earlier was gone. "I remember. From Asgard. The fear, that cloying sense of terror on my skin, if I would fall prey... No, I would not inflict that upon another as I used to imply." Loki looked at James intently. "There would be no force, do you understand? No coercion. No trickery. You care for Natasha, and I care for Natasha. That is enough, and I would not harm her by harming you. And forcing anything, ordering you and implying you have no choice... that would pain her greatly. It should pain you. Should anything else occur, it would be your choice in the matter."
James rose to his feet, nodding. "Those are the parameters, then."
Loki blinked, and looked almost helplessly at Natasha. Were they actually negotiating how the three of them would proceed? Was this really happening? He hadn't intended for that to happen when he suggested playing with her today.
"No one is doing anything they're not comfortable with. This isn't the Red Room."
Endless children being tortured on a whim, ordered to become killing and manipulating machines. Natasha was turned from a windup ballerina into a blade. James had been a loyal friend and turned into a blunt instrument of destruction. Yelena could very well have been an ordinary little girl if not for the Red Room. They were all broken in different ways, reshaped into something monstrously different.
Loki didn't have that excuse. He had been a horrific, soulless demon for far too long, and it had been his own making. There was no one else to blame but him.
"No, it is not. This is something else, something I have no name for," Loki admitted.
"Release," James said quietly. "Because otherwise, we fall apart or explode. Because for some things, there are no words that fit. No way to explain."
Natasha nodded, and Loki found himself agreeing as well. "Then I think we have our deal back in place," she murmured with a slight smile.
Loki blew out a breath, then smiled. "Yes, I believe we do."
Anticipation thrummed in his veins, and he felt almost good as he did when Natasha cradled him in her arms after a particularly thorough session in Astoria.
This was going to be wonderful.
***
***
To Chapter Four - Dynamic Shift