Hit Your Prime, 1/8. NC-17.
Title: Hit Your Prime
Series: #10 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Fandral/Natasha, Natasha/OFC
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warnings for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and self harm behavior.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting/characterization discussion and help!
Summary: Natasha is the Ambassador to Asgard, possibly because she's too well known on Earth and it allows the royal family to freely question her about Loki. That doesn't mean she won't take the job seriously, even if they don't want her to. Meanwhile, Loki adjusts to being at Avengers Tower without her. It's... interesting.
One - Difficult Adjustments
Clint stopped short when he saw Loki sitting in one of the common areas. She was dressed casually, rather like Natasha would in her downtime. The turquoise shirt was loose fitting, not accentuating the ample curves she had created in her body. The black pants were tighter fitting, but something that would allow her to move quickly if need be. Her feet were bare, tucked up beneath her as she sat at a window seat overlooking Midtown. The expression on her face was pensive, almost fearful, and she pulled at her lip periodically.
If Clint didn't know any better, he would have said that Loki was afraid.
The only thing potentially able to induce fear in Loki was Natasha's current meeting with Fury, Sitwell and Hill as they tried to figure out how to use Natasha's knowledge of Hydra, Yelena Belova and the Eastern European markets to draw them out of hiding.
He vaguely remembered bits of his time possessed by the Tesseract, thoughts made fuzzy with the overshadowing blue of the cube. There were memories of the mercenaries he had found, of Loki looking sickly and afraid, of being left behind. It hadn't been fear of the mercenaries; he had been downright contemptuous of them, as a matter of fact. He also hadn't been afraid of the Chitauri, considering he was supposed to be in charge of them. But there was someone else that communicated with him, someone else that made him look afraid. Is there someone pulling your strings? he had asked. It felt like a lifetime ago now.
"Waiting for something?" Clint asked.
Loki's fingernail gouged deep into her lower lip as she turned to face him. Pulling her fingers away from her mouth left behind red in her mouth and smudged beneath her fingernails. "Was there something you wanted?" she asked, managing to sound arrogant and put out at his arrival.
"You're worried about Natasha, aren't you?"
She was facing the direction of SHIELD offices Midtown, yet still sneered at Clint. That told Clint far more than Loki probably thought it did. He didn't think he was that good at reading people, not like Natasha was.
"Why should I worry?" Loki scoffed. Clint could see her left hand curled, nails digging into her thigh through her pants. "She's merely meeting with her masters, awaiting orders for the next target to lie, cheat or steal. Or perhaps there's a new target to kill or seduce."
No, Clint didn't think Loki would scorn Natasha this way. The words were for his benefit, then, because he would prefer to be hated and feared. Scratch that. She had to be seen as powerful, someone worthy of respect. Loki would rather be feared, if all past behavior could be believed. Clint vaguely remembered that from before as well. He hadn't thought he could be loved by the mortal populace, so he planned to try to rule it with an iron fist, using fear of reprisals and death as his tools. Fear is powerful, he had said once, fingers sliding down the length of his staff, a sickly smile on his face. There's nothing that people wouldn't do just to make it all go away.
Had he been talking of himself then?
Right wrist casted, Clint opened his soda can with his left and sat on the couch, sprawling across the space as if he owned it. "You're worried about this," Clint said, taking a sip, holding the can with his left hand. It was awkward, but what the hell. "Because they have magic, don't they? I can read between the lines, even if she didn't tell me the details." He shot Loki a rueful smile. "Lower clearance level, after all. I don't get all the details."
Loki curled her lip in a sneer, and it surprisingly looked just like the sneer that had appeared on the male version of her face. It was an uncomfortable realization, one that made his gut twist and generated the impulse to run for his bow, wrist be damned.
"You're injured."
"Yeah, well. It happens. While you were shadowing Tash, we had shit to do here." At her incredulous look, Clint shrugged. "Magic user downtown. Held up a bank near Washington Square Park. Apparently he wanted a safety deposit box that wasn't his."
"And?"
"Messy. Hostages, all that." Clint took a swig of the soda. "Three of us headed down, and Bruce opted to still work with Jane on something. There was some kind of spell, don't ask me what, and he was threatening to burn half the Village if he didn't get what he wanted."
"But he didn't."
"Hell, no," Clint replied proudly, grinning. "He didn't like getting shot at."
"Is that how you were injured?"
"Nope. He teleported in front of me." Clint actually raised his soda can and inclined his head in Loki's direction. "And, given what we've learned about magic items and users or whatever you call it, I took a direct shot at the gaudy looking stone pinned to the center of his chest."
Loki's eyebrows crawled up toward her hairline. "Not a safe endeavor by any means."
"Nope. Exploded like a M80 on the Fourth of July. Threw me off the roof. Tony had to fly over and catch me when I fell, wrenched my wrist. Compression fracture. It'll take a while to heal up properly, so I'm benched."
Clearly not understanding the metaphor, Loki remained silent. Lips compressed together, she visibly seemed to be thinking. Then she flicked her fingers and pain lanced through his wrist, sharp and burning and awful, nearly making him cry out. Clint could feel the bones and tendons shifting, and the cast fell off of his wrist. "Now you don't have to wait," she said, voice sounding absent and almost lost. Clint didn't even have the breath to thank her, but she turned away from him, toward the window again, clearly dismissing him.
After a moment, her right hand stole up toward her mouth, and she tugged at her lower lip again. It had to be a nervous tic, though Clint really didn't know what she was nervous about. Did she feel that safe here, that she could reveal such tells? Or was she so far gone that she didn't realize she was even doing it? If he had to lay down a bet, he would think it was somewhere in between.
"You know what your problem is, Loki?" he asked in a conversational tone, ignoring the way she stiffened and dug her nails into her lip or thigh. "There's no endgame for you. It's like that mage we took out last week. Power, money, whatever. That stuff's all short term, though. It doesn't give you anything else to work toward. There's no ideal, no reason to keep going."
"Power is enough," Loki said, sounding almost petulant.
Clint laughed. "No, not really. Look at history. Look at the stories people tell. Come on, now. I know you're smarter than that. Whatever dictator is out there, they get power. Then they need more, because they're afraid someone out there is going to take it from them. They don't feel safe, they don't feel wanted, they don't have purpose anymore. Power is never enough. There has to be something more than that."
He abruptly remembered the surveillance footage from the helicarrier. You won't win. You lack conviction, Coulson had told him. And he was right of course. Loki lacked conviction with anything.
Except Natasha. While she might not want to discredit her any longer, she had an unhealthy attachment to Natasha. Clint was absolutely certain that if he ever upset Natasha, Loki would be there with a knife to his throat in retaliation.
Loki curled her fingers into lip, nails digging in deep enough to draw blood again. "Like a ledger," she said when she pulled her fingers away from her lip.
"It's how Natasha phrases it."
She had one now, Clint recalled. Natasha had said a spell was involved, and was deliberately vague at the time. It was likely tied to that deal he didn't want to hear the details about.
"And this Belova," Loki began in a nonchalant tone that didn't fool Clint at all. "Does she have a ledger as well?"
Clint snorted. "I doubt it. Most of those old ghosts have no souls anymore. Tash is a rare one."
"On that we agree, Barton," Loki announced, left hand unclenching from her thigh. "She is a gem indeed. But those masters she chooses to follow cannot see all the facets."
"I doubt you see them either."
"You don't," Loki challenged.
"Of course not. And we're all happier that way, I think," he said, taking another swig of his soda. He smiled at Loki's doubtful expression. "C'mon. You're a woman now. A girl's gotta have some kind of mystery about her, something that's all hers and hers alone. And a woman like Tash is built up out of secrets, with more layers than an onion. You never get to the center of it. You'd go insane if you tried."
"So you don't."
"I'm different. She lets me in. There aren't many she does that with."
Loki paused, contemplating his words. "Why do you tell me this?"
"Because there's got to be something more for you to do all damn day other than fight in the gym, read books and scrolls and pine away at the window like a lost puppy." He rolled his eyes at her indignant look. "Oh, come on. She doesn't even like dogs, you know. Too dependent for her tastes, and she can't stay in one place for too long."
"What is your purpose for being here?" Loki all but snarled.
Ah, there was a nerve there. He would have to confer with Steve and then Natasha later. Clint merely grinned at Loki as if he knew the secret to eternal life. "See, that's the thing, Loki. It's different for everyone. You have to find your own purpose."
Clint wasn't above the petty feeling of satisfaction he felt when Loki growled at him and stalked out of the room in anger. Nope, not above that at all. In fact, it felt pretty damn good, and quieted the sickly feeling he got in his gut whenever he thought about Loki and the Tesseract.
***
Loki hadn't wanted to give up the sessions in Astoria, though she felt almost sick about the thought of having to dominate Natasha in this body. Obviously a woman could do the task, but she didn't feel comfortable doing it. It wasn't something she brought up yet, as she had another two sessions to go until it was her turn. Perhaps she could come up with a good excuse not to do it, or could turn it around so that Natasha could take control over her again. She called you a good girl, Loki! she told herself, breath freezing in her chest. Because you really weren't a good man, were you? How could you be, when you gloried in her violations? How could you be a man when you work the seidr and take pride in such things? No, this is what you really are. You're a girl, a helpless woman, one to be used and abused however she sees fit, because you don't deserve any better...
She removed her clothing as Natasha commanded, breath quickening in anticipation. Natasha hadn't discussed her meetings with SHIELD, but had assured her that it had nothing to do with her continued presence on Earth. Loki accepted that, because Natasha would never lie about something to do with her work. She took it far too seriously for Loki's taste, but it mattered to her, so Loki pushed aside her irritation with the organization. Much of the irritation was left over from their interference in her attempt to take over Earth, anyway.
Climbing onto the bed, she rested on all fours, looking at the stitching on the coverlet. She had to clear her mind. Natasha didn't want her to think of anything else but the experience, to succumb to her will. Loki was only too glad to do so, to let her take control and keep her safe.
When Natasha brought the heavy black chain to the bed, she started to shake. "I haven't been bad," she whimpered in spite of herself.
"This isn't a punishment," Natasha said, her voice neutral. The chain rested across the backs of her ankles once Natasha pushed her legs apart to her satisfaction, and then a loop of it over her hands. They weren't entwined tightly, and Loki could probably pull out of them easily. She wouldn't without Natasha's permission, but even the sight of the chains instilled fear. Natasha's hand came to rest at the base of Loki's spine, soothing her slightly. "Just something to make sure you don't move, no matter how hard I move you."
Oh. This time, Loki's gasp was one of anticipation, and she couldn't even be irritated with Natasha's amused chuckle. She turned her head and saw Natasha methodically taking off her clothes and folding them, then taking out the harness and dildo she'd used on Loki in her other form before. "Wh-where will you fuck me?" she asked, tremors in her voice.
Natasha smiled, an almost devilish grin that made Loki catch her breath. "Wherever I want."
It was the right answer, of course, the only answer she would ever give, and Loki's eyes were glazed over in lust as she watched Natasha step into the harness. Yes, oh yes, she wanted this, she wanted this so much, Natasha knew exactly how much. Loki could feel herself tighten around nothing, a heaviness in her groin from the wanting. Natasha would fuck her properly, leave her boneless and limp and empty of fear and pain. Natasha would fix everything.
Her fingers were right where Loki wanted them, right up against her clit and in her quim, filling her. Natasha's other hand cupped a breast, kneading the sensitive flesh. Loki could feel the dildo resting gently against her leg, a constant reminder of what Natasha wanted to do. "You're so pretty, opening up in front of me," Natasha purred. "I'm going to fuck you, and you're going to scream for me. No one will hear you because of your silencing spells, so you can scream as loud as you want, Loki."
"Please, Natasha," Loki gasped, pushing herself backward onto Natasha's fingers. Her own pulled at the coverlet, but she wouldn't yank her hands out from under the chain. She could see its dark material against her pale skin, feel the heavy weight of it. But she wasn't trapped, there was nothing to fear here. Natasha wasn't going to hurt her. Natasha was going to keep her safe, and she would be free.
Loki screamed as the first orgasm ripped through her, her back arching and her eyes closing in ecstasy. She could hear Natasha crooning behind her, fingers curling into all those sensitive, soft places inside her wet cleft, and then she cried out again when Natasha pinched her nipple. She could feel Natasha's hair against her back, and then there was the press of Natasha's breasts into her side and her lips against her spine. She didn't slow or relent in any way, and Loki mewled in desperation at the flood of sensation. This was Natasha fucking her with her fingers, using long sure strokes, tips curling and pressing into that spot that made her see stars. Natasha knew her body inside and out, and just the right amount of pressure on her nipple to add to the sensation without tripping over into dreadful pain.
Before the second orgasm was even complete, Natasha withdrew her slick fingers and rubbed them against the puckered opening of her ass. Loki whimpered when Natasha gave one sharp pinch on her nipple, but she used that hand to guide the dildo into her aching quim. "Please," Loki found herself begging, the first thrust of it making her cry out in pleasure. "Yes, there, please, more, more, I need more of this, please don't stop, Natasha, please don't stop, please don't leave me," she begged as Natasha fucked her thoroughly. She wasn't even aware of what she was saying, nearly sobbing. Her entire world was narrowed down to the sensation of Natasha's cock inside her, her hand cradling her hip, fingertips brushing against the curling black hair, and Natasha's other hand rubbing at her ass. Loki didn't care what she had to do or say as long as the sensation never ended. Dropping to her elbows meant her breasts dragged against the coverlet with every thrust, rubbing the sensitive nubs.
The slide of one slim finger into her ass was an intrusion, but Loki didn't mind it. She still pushed her hips back to help impale herself on Natasha's cock, still cried out with every thrust deep into her core. It was hard to breathe, but that didn't even matter. Natasha was giving her what she needed, what she wanted, and she was coming again, wailing and arching her back like a cat as her entire body shook. She didn't protest when Natasha slipped the cock out of her, then carefully pushed its length into her ass. She still begged to be fucked, to be owned and possessed, to be given what she deserved. "Please don't stop, please, please, please don't stop, don't stop, please," Loki begged, eyes closed and hands pulling at the coverlet. It was intense, wonderful and everything she hadn't deserved before. Natasha burned her fears away, took away the worst of her sins and left her clean.
Natasha curled one hand around her hip and found her clit, leaning forward to get the right angle for pressing into it. Loki's gasps became outright cries of pleasure, and she didn't care if she sounded like a wanton harlot in heat. "More, more, I need more," Loki cried, breasts rubbing into the coverlet. It added to the fires burning inside of her, and she clenched down hard on the cock in her ass and on empty air in her quim. Natasha didn't seem to tire, and Loki wailed as she neared another orgasm, every nerve ending on fire.
She collapsed into a boneless mass when Natasha withdrew after her release, gasping for air she couldn't seem to find. Loki felt an ache between her legs, a pleasant sense of fullness, a reminder of Natasha's ownership. She didn't even move as Natasha left the harness and used dildo on the floor to clean later, preferring instead to remove the chains, climb on top of the bed and spread her legs. Her eyes opened when Natasha took a fistful of her hair in hand to lift up her face. "Now you fuck me with your mouth," Natasha commanded, "and you better please me. Otherwise, I won't reward you so well before you exert any effort."
Loki gladly moved to press her mouth to Natasha's bare folds. She was wet, the musk of her arousal making Loki's mouth water. She licked and nipped at everything before settling in to suck Natasha's clit in earnest. Natasha hadn't said to use only her mouth, so Loki slid two fingers inside of her and moved them slowly as she sucked and licked. Her leg was thrown over Loki's back, and one hand slid to caress her skull, holding her in place. Oh yes, she was pleasing her mistress, Natasha was pleased with her, she belonged.
She continued to lick and suck her flesh as if a starving woman devouring a feast, savoring the taste of Natasha's arousal. It didn't matter if she pulled on Loki's hair too hard when she came, when the heel of her foot was too uncomfortable against her back. Natasha was claiming ownership over her, was keeping her in her place, was giving commands she had to obey. Loki hummed happily as she licked into Natasha, wanting to do this forever despite the ache growing in her jaws.
"Enough," Natasha gasped after her third orgasm. Finally oversensitive, she pulled Loki from her flesh and pushed her onto her back. Loki looked up at Natasha in helpless rapture, her lips wet and shining from Natasha's juices. "You've done well, Loki."
And then Natasha was kissing her, tongue sliding into her mouth and touching hers, hands holding her wrists down on either side of her head. Natasha was hovering over her body, breasts pressed against hers and legs pinning hers down. Loki was completely at Natasha's mercy, and the thought made her slick and wet all over again. Natasha filled her senses, occupied her thoughts and gave her rapturous pleasure.
Natasha covered Loki's cheeks with soft kisses, making her grin up at her mistress. "You're not crashing," Natasha observed, still keeping Loki's body pinned beneath hers.
"Can you fuck me again?" Loki pleaded, tilting her hips up toward Natasha's. "I ache so much."
Licking Loki's lips gently, Natasha gave her a seductive smile. "I can think of something."
It was a rabbit vibrator in her quim and a slender one in her ass, their rhythms inside her not coordinating. Loki's mouth was pressed to Natasha's breast, and she gratefully kept hold of Natasha's torso while suckling at her breast. Her legs were splayed wide as the vibrators went to work inside her, hips bucking intermittently when the pleasure grew too intense. The vibrators didn't care about her pleas to speed up or slow down, and Natasha pinched her nipples almost cruelly as she came, screaming. "Yes, fuck, harder, please," Loki begged, legs moving restlessly over the coverlet. "Make them fuck me harder, Natasha," she begged, arching her back so Natasha could pinch and stroke her breasts.
The rabbit was at its maximum speed, but the slim one in her ass was at the lowest setting. Loki screamed in pleasure when Natasha turned the dial to maximum, her entire body shaking. She cried out again when Natasha slapped her breasts, the sting feeling exquisitely beautiful. It didn't even matter when Natasha closed a hand around her throat, or even when she replaced her hand with a length of chain. She had her eyes closed, the toys buried within her spreading pleasure like fire along her nerves. Her mouth was parched from all her cries and gasps, and she didn't resist Natasha pulling her arms over her head and pinning them down with the chain. She didn't resist when her legs were pinned down the same way. Loki was only too pleased to have Natasha's slippery quim over her mouth again, the taste driving her wild. She was pinned down by the heavy metal chains, her body assaulted by pleasure from the toys and her mouth was being used to give Natasha pleasure.
Yes, this was what she wanted, to be reduced to nothing, to be given a single purpose she could carry out. And then there was the pleasure-pain of Natasha pinching her nipples again, sharp and warm, sending Loki over the edge into a massive orgasm that nearly made her pass out.
But still Natasha didn't release her, didn't turn off the toys. Loki whimpered and bucked her hips ineffectually, curling her tongue deep into Natasha's core. It was quickly growing to be too much, completely overwhelming her. Even so, Natasha didn't stop, didn't move, didn't turn anything off. Loki screamed helplessly when the waves of pleasure crested into an orgasm again, when her body was so oversensitive to the vibrations that it was almost painful.
It wasn't until Loki pulled her mouth away from Natasha and turned her face to beg for it to be over that Natasha moved. First, she shifted off of Loki's face, then she stopped slapping or pinching her breasts. Then slowly, slowly, the dials were turned down and finally off. Loki felt bereft when they were removed from her body, but it was a delicious emptiness.
"Now you're sated," Natasha observed with a laugh.
"I will happily lie here until the roots of the World Tree become trees in their own right."
Natasha laughed, a sound that warmed Loki's soul. She was amused, pleased with her, pleased by her, wanting to keep her. Loki smiled and remained sprawled on the bed as Natasha cleaned the toys in the bathroom. She curled around Natasha when she returned, feeling loose-limbed and utterly whole. "This is perfection," Loki murmured, falling asleep with her head pillowed on Natasha's breasts. Natasha said something in reply that she didn't pay attention to.
What else did she need but this?
***
Loki sat in the common room, a large runic text from one of her hideaways in her lap. Natasha had insisted on going with her, ostensibly to help her carry belongings to the suite she was given in Avengers Tower. She was sure that Natasha hadn't trusted her alone in the hideaway, though Loki wasn't sure what Natasha actually mistrusted. Was it her? Was it the structure's stability? Or did she think that Loki had other enemies capable of tracking her along Yggdrasil? That thought made her feel better, though she was too afraid to ask her what it truly was. Loki caught Natasha about the waist before they returned to Midgard, and spun her around, mouth fused to hers. Loki pushed her up against the wall of her hideaway, one leg caught between Natasha's. She wanted to take Natasha right there against the wall, and slid one hand inside Natasha's jeans while keeping the other curled around the back of her neck.
"Someone's a little eager," Natasha had teased, smiling against her mouth.
Laughing, Loki moved to nuzzle her neck. "We should appreciate the privacy while we have it."
As this wasn't taking place in Astoria, Loki's magic was not forbidden. Loki grasped Natasha's bare hip and the nape of her neck, and used her magic to craft the impression of a cock sliding into her. Natasha moaned a little into her mouth, and Loki decided to cast the same spell on herself. Oh, the sensation was sweet indeed, and the two women rocked against each other as Loki's spell worked its magic. Loki tasted the sweetness of her mouth and could feel her soft skin, as well as the fabric rubbing against her taut nipples and throbbing clit. She set the magic to fuck them faster, making Natasha's hands tighten on her ass. She came first, moaning into Loki's mouth, tilting her hips and clamping her thighs tight around Loki's. Loki continued the spell even after she came as well, making Natasha gasp and cling to her.
"Loki," she gasped into her mouth, moving one hand to the back of Loki's neck. "God, that feels so good." Hooking one leg up around Loki's waist, Natasha seized her mouth and thrust her tongue into Loki's mouth.
The pleasure mounted for Loki until she came again, clutching Natasha tightly for dear life. Loki let the spell fade out on her own body, but continued it for Natasha until she tightened and cried out again. Once that spell was gone, Natasha sagged a little in Loki's arms. "Surprise me like that more often, huh?" she asked Loki, laughing a little.
"Certainly," Loki replied, kissing her tenderly. She was tempted to call Natasha her love, but that wouldn't be received well. Natasha didn't believe in such things.
At the moment, as Loki tried to read her manuscript, Natasha was seated in front of the coffee table, file folders spread out in front of her. She had a faint frown of concentration on her face, and was completely immersed in what she was reading. It was an odd sensation to be seeing her that way, that she trusted Loki that much to be so unguarded.
Natasha would never have felt that way about the old Loki, she was sure.
"I feel almost like I should have brought something in to study, too," Steve joked as he entered the room with his sketchbook in hand. Natasha looked up with a smile, and Loki merely placed her hand in the book and gave up trying to read.
"I'm just going over some of the files that SHIELD has regarding certain individuals. It's not very much," she admitted. "But I'm probably not going to have much time to update them."
"Going somewhere?" Steve asked, sitting down on the couch. Loki hated his easy demeanor with Natasha, that they were such good friends she could remain in her easy, relaxed pose. Loki had worked hard to earn that, yet Steve seemed to have received her trust so effortlessly.
"Ambassador work. Not sure exactly when it starts."
Loki managed not to startle, as Natasha had said she wanted Loki settled before she left. She simply hadn't realized it would be that soon.
"I'm sure you'll be good at it," Steve said, opening his sketchbook. "If you can be anyone and anything on this world, you can make it work there."
Something shriveled inside of Loki's chest at the thought of Natasha leaving. Loki would have to stay behind, of course, and she would be alone. She would be in this tower, without her beloved, surrounded by those who thought ill of her, if not outright despised her. How would she be able to withstand the loss?
"And you'll have Loki to help you out, of course," Steve said, nodding in Loki's direction, his pencil in hand.
Natasha shook his head as Loki froze. "No, she'll have to stay here."
"Why? Wouldn't she be part of your Ambassador package?"
"I'm barred from Asgard on pain of death," Loki answered tightly when Natasha didn't answer right away. "I am a vile fugitive, after all, cast out and never to return."
Oh, dear. Her voice was so bitter, bitter.
Steve was staring at her, and Natasha merely closed the folders she was reading through. "I didn't know that," he said after a moment. "I know you got sent back three years ago, but I didn't think you'd be exiled."
"Did you think they would welcome me into their bosom? Did you think they would wish to claim me as kin, allow me to walk their hallowed halls and drink their wine and sit at their tables to feast with them?" Loki's hand on her book tightened into a fist. She saw Natasha neatly stack up her folders and Steve clench his hand around his pencil. "I am not Aesir, as they saw fit to remind me. A prize to be kept until needed to be used, a living trophy of a war long past. There is no place for me in Asgard, no purpose to my existence there."
Her breathing was shallow, her heartbeat too loud. By the Roots, had she actually said all of that out loud? Had her bitterness been so easily evident?
If Steve's discomfited expression was any guide, yes, she had.
"How many have you killed, Loki?" Steve asked quietly. "Here and there? How many?"
"Do you count war, Captain Rogers?" she asked, voice slick with pain and jeering intent.
"How many?"
"Millions," Loki replied with a sneer. "I am a god. Stakes are higher."
"And they count those millions against you, don't they?"
There was no inflection in his voice, nothing to tell her how he truly felt. Loki was sure there was scorn beneath his voice, and she could feel herself nearly shaking. "Haven't I already told you?" she hissed. "I am not welcome."
"Wait," Steve said with a frown. He likely meant it to be conciliatory, but it further inflamed her rage and bitterness. "I don't understand. If you aren't allowed back... Is that the punishment that they gave you three years ago?"
"No," Loki snarled, snapping her book shut. "I was for the executioner when I escaped. Pleased?" she asked, shooting to her feet. This was one of her jailers in Natasha's absence, she realized. He could chain her, and she would have to submit, because Natasha would want her to, and Loki wanted to please Natasha. Loki had to get out, but she knew Natasha didn't want her alone in her hideaways. She had gathered too many enemies, most of whom could find her if she hid on Yggdrasil.
So she was trapped here, among people who would gladly harm her for the things she had done before. She wasn't sure why Natasha wasn't willing to kill her now. Perhaps someday she would; she had certainly promised to do so often enough.
Chest heaving as if she had exerted herself mightily, Loki stifled a scream of frustration and left the room.
Oh, she was a fool, such a ridiculous fool that kept making the same damn mistakes over and over again. Someone would kill her soon enough, and she would surely deserve it, but she didn't want to die. She was a tangle, caught in an even bigger one, and she would lose everything if she hadn't already.
The suite given to her was largely empty, much like the apartment in Astoria had been, and her screams echoed painfully in the room. What did she have now? What was even hers? She had lost her royal station, lost her faith, lost her purpose. Who was she anymore? An object of pity? A warning to future enemies of SHIELD or the Avengers?
Loki turned when Natasha entered her suite. She was dimly aware of the tears on her face, the heave in her chest as she tried to breathe. She truly was an object of pity, was she not? A loose end that Natasha refused to tie off properly.
Natasha came closer, door closing and locking behind her. "Are you going to be all right?" Her tone was careful, controlled, as if she was a live bomb about to explode.
"I don't know," Loki told her miserably. "There's no purpose, no desire to continue on. What would you have me do? I have nothing in your absence, nothing."
She approached Loki with quick, sure steps, then grasped her shoulder and pulled her down for a kiss. Loki returned it with all the desperation she felt, the hopelessness and uselessness evident. She wrapped her arms around Natasha, falling into her, tears falling. "You're going to leave me," she sobbed, not caring if she revealed too much. She hurt too much to care, but later she would castigate herself as a fool. "You'll leave, and there's nothing left for me."
"I can't bring you with me," Natasha reminded her as they fell to the floor, crashing down to their knees. "You'll die if you go to Asgard."
"But what am I here?" Loki sobbed, burying her face in the crook of Natasha's neck. "I'm no longer a job for you to perform at the behest of your superiors. I'm not here on Midgard trying to rule it, so you're not trying to stop me from action. You have no opportunity for work here on Midgard, so I can't protect you. I have no place now, Natasha. I have no purpose. There is nothing for me to do, and I have nothing."
Natasha pulled Loki into a better position to look her in the eye. "You have your life and your magic. You have a stay of execution."
"It means nothing, you know this," Loki sobbed.
She caught Loki's face in her hands, but it couldn't contain the firestorm of despair that Loki felt. Natasha tried to hold onto her, tried to be her anchor, but Loki was sinking anyway. "I'm not leaving yet," Natasha began.
"But you will," Loki interrupted. "You will leave, and there is nothing for me here. Uselessness, hatred, subject to their whim. What am I to you, Natasha? I am no job, no one to seduce for your superiors. What am I to you?"
"You're mine," Natasha told her, voice steely. It calmed her somewhat, but it was a vague enough answer that it couldn't quiet the storm of emotion. Loki was shamed by her hiccupping sobs and tears. "There's no name for it, Loki, nothing that wouldn't cheapen what we have. You are mine," she repeated, enunciating carefully. "Mine."
"The others-"
"Are not what you fear they are."
"They could be, when your back is turned. They could be. I am weak now, female, vulnerable. Fighting back won't save me if they're determined."
Something shifted in Natasha's eyes. "Do you think I'm weak because I'm female?"
"I'm not you!" Loki wailed. "I can't be you, I can't do this. I'm not whole, I never have been."
"You changed only your physical shape-"
"No. I wasn't the warrior they wanted in the palace. My affinity with magic was too off putting. I had no place unless they needed wit or seidr, the rest of the time I was cast in shadow. I had no place, and trying to prove my worth cast me out."
"You killed, Loki. Millions. Is that something a ruler does?" Natasha challenged.
"Yes. Odin did that, I finished the task he could not. Yet I'm denounced the monster, I'm labeled the source of evil, called a scourge upon the realm. I only wanted to be equal, but I could never be that, never."
"Because you don't know when to quit." Loki tried to wrench herself away from Natasha's pitiless voice, but she held fast. "No, you will listen to me, Loki. This is what you came to me for. This is what you wanted. Because they never saw you, didn't value what you valued. You know that I do, and you also know I won't take your bullshit. I won't allow you to get too far, and even if I'm not here I won't allow it. I will not accept this behavior, Loki," she said sternly, and Loki flinched.
"But I can't-"
Natasha slapped her, jaw clenched in annoyance. Loki caught herself before she fell, but she turned wounded eyes to Natasha. "That's bullshit, Loki. Self-serving, self-pitying bullshit. I do not accept it."
"But I'm not you!" Loki cried.
"Hand to hand, blades and manipulation. We both have those skills." Her voice was hard, pitiless. "You have magic, Loki. You're longer lived. Now shut the fuck up with the self pity."
Loki's lips trembled as she tried to follow the direction, but she wanted to dissolve into tears. Her male form would cover up his pain with anger and rage. Her female form still had her rage, but she wanted to scream and cry, too. She couldn't hurt Natasha anymore. She wasn't insignificant, wasn't only worthy of disdain. Natasha was more than human, not a goddess, and better than Loki could ever be. The realization was painful, tearing at her soul. Loki had hoped to escape this maelstrom, but couldn't.
"You're stronger than I am," Loki whispered brokenly.
"Because before, you never had to be," Natasha told her, not unkindly. "But now you do. There's no option to fail anymore, Loki. Now you have to do it."
"Why?" she asked, voice cracking.
"Because I want you to," Natasha said, voice softening. "I need you to."
Tears still falling, Loki nodded and leaned into her, needing the support. She didn't think she would ever be worthy of it, but perhaps she could learn to fake it well enough that Natasha would never regret being with her.
***
***
To Chapter Two - Two Feet Forward
Series: #10 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Fandral/Natasha, Natasha/OFC
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warnings for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and self harm behavior.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting/characterization discussion and help!
Summary: Natasha is the Ambassador to Asgard, possibly because she's too well known on Earth and it allows the royal family to freely question her about Loki. That doesn't mean she won't take the job seriously, even if they don't want her to. Meanwhile, Loki adjusts to being at Avengers Tower without her. It's... interesting.
One - Difficult Adjustments
Clint stopped short when he saw Loki sitting in one of the common areas. She was dressed casually, rather like Natasha would in her downtime. The turquoise shirt was loose fitting, not accentuating the ample curves she had created in her body. The black pants were tighter fitting, but something that would allow her to move quickly if need be. Her feet were bare, tucked up beneath her as she sat at a window seat overlooking Midtown. The expression on her face was pensive, almost fearful, and she pulled at her lip periodically.
If Clint didn't know any better, he would have said that Loki was afraid.
The only thing potentially able to induce fear in Loki was Natasha's current meeting with Fury, Sitwell and Hill as they tried to figure out how to use Natasha's knowledge of Hydra, Yelena Belova and the Eastern European markets to draw them out of hiding.
He vaguely remembered bits of his time possessed by the Tesseract, thoughts made fuzzy with the overshadowing blue of the cube. There were memories of the mercenaries he had found, of Loki looking sickly and afraid, of being left behind. It hadn't been fear of the mercenaries; he had been downright contemptuous of them, as a matter of fact. He also hadn't been afraid of the Chitauri, considering he was supposed to be in charge of them. But there was someone else that communicated with him, someone else that made him look afraid. Is there someone pulling your strings? he had asked. It felt like a lifetime ago now.
"Waiting for something?" Clint asked.
Loki's fingernail gouged deep into her lower lip as she turned to face him. Pulling her fingers away from her mouth left behind red in her mouth and smudged beneath her fingernails. "Was there something you wanted?" she asked, managing to sound arrogant and put out at his arrival.
"You're worried about Natasha, aren't you?"
She was facing the direction of SHIELD offices Midtown, yet still sneered at Clint. That told Clint far more than Loki probably thought it did. He didn't think he was that good at reading people, not like Natasha was.
"Why should I worry?" Loki scoffed. Clint could see her left hand curled, nails digging into her thigh through her pants. "She's merely meeting with her masters, awaiting orders for the next target to lie, cheat or steal. Or perhaps there's a new target to kill or seduce."
No, Clint didn't think Loki would scorn Natasha this way. The words were for his benefit, then, because he would prefer to be hated and feared. Scratch that. She had to be seen as powerful, someone worthy of respect. Loki would rather be feared, if all past behavior could be believed. Clint vaguely remembered that from before as well. He hadn't thought he could be loved by the mortal populace, so he planned to try to rule it with an iron fist, using fear of reprisals and death as his tools. Fear is powerful, he had said once, fingers sliding down the length of his staff, a sickly smile on his face. There's nothing that people wouldn't do just to make it all go away.
Had he been talking of himself then?
Right wrist casted, Clint opened his soda can with his left and sat on the couch, sprawling across the space as if he owned it. "You're worried about this," Clint said, taking a sip, holding the can with his left hand. It was awkward, but what the hell. "Because they have magic, don't they? I can read between the lines, even if she didn't tell me the details." He shot Loki a rueful smile. "Lower clearance level, after all. I don't get all the details."
Loki curled her lip in a sneer, and it surprisingly looked just like the sneer that had appeared on the male version of her face. It was an uncomfortable realization, one that made his gut twist and generated the impulse to run for his bow, wrist be damned.
"You're injured."
"Yeah, well. It happens. While you were shadowing Tash, we had shit to do here." At her incredulous look, Clint shrugged. "Magic user downtown. Held up a bank near Washington Square Park. Apparently he wanted a safety deposit box that wasn't his."
"And?"
"Messy. Hostages, all that." Clint took a swig of the soda. "Three of us headed down, and Bruce opted to still work with Jane on something. There was some kind of spell, don't ask me what, and he was threatening to burn half the Village if he didn't get what he wanted."
"But he didn't."
"Hell, no," Clint replied proudly, grinning. "He didn't like getting shot at."
"Is that how you were injured?"
"Nope. He teleported in front of me." Clint actually raised his soda can and inclined his head in Loki's direction. "And, given what we've learned about magic items and users or whatever you call it, I took a direct shot at the gaudy looking stone pinned to the center of his chest."
Loki's eyebrows crawled up toward her hairline. "Not a safe endeavor by any means."
"Nope. Exploded like a M80 on the Fourth of July. Threw me off the roof. Tony had to fly over and catch me when I fell, wrenched my wrist. Compression fracture. It'll take a while to heal up properly, so I'm benched."
Clearly not understanding the metaphor, Loki remained silent. Lips compressed together, she visibly seemed to be thinking. Then she flicked her fingers and pain lanced through his wrist, sharp and burning and awful, nearly making him cry out. Clint could feel the bones and tendons shifting, and the cast fell off of his wrist. "Now you don't have to wait," she said, voice sounding absent and almost lost. Clint didn't even have the breath to thank her, but she turned away from him, toward the window again, clearly dismissing him.
After a moment, her right hand stole up toward her mouth, and she tugged at her lower lip again. It had to be a nervous tic, though Clint really didn't know what she was nervous about. Did she feel that safe here, that she could reveal such tells? Or was she so far gone that she didn't realize she was even doing it? If he had to lay down a bet, he would think it was somewhere in between.
"You know what your problem is, Loki?" he asked in a conversational tone, ignoring the way she stiffened and dug her nails into her lip or thigh. "There's no endgame for you. It's like that mage we took out last week. Power, money, whatever. That stuff's all short term, though. It doesn't give you anything else to work toward. There's no ideal, no reason to keep going."
"Power is enough," Loki said, sounding almost petulant.
Clint laughed. "No, not really. Look at history. Look at the stories people tell. Come on, now. I know you're smarter than that. Whatever dictator is out there, they get power. Then they need more, because they're afraid someone out there is going to take it from them. They don't feel safe, they don't feel wanted, they don't have purpose anymore. Power is never enough. There has to be something more than that."
He abruptly remembered the surveillance footage from the helicarrier. You won't win. You lack conviction, Coulson had told him. And he was right of course. Loki lacked conviction with anything.
Except Natasha. While she might not want to discredit her any longer, she had an unhealthy attachment to Natasha. Clint was absolutely certain that if he ever upset Natasha, Loki would be there with a knife to his throat in retaliation.
Loki curled her fingers into lip, nails digging in deep enough to draw blood again. "Like a ledger," she said when she pulled her fingers away from her lip.
"It's how Natasha phrases it."
She had one now, Clint recalled. Natasha had said a spell was involved, and was deliberately vague at the time. It was likely tied to that deal he didn't want to hear the details about.
"And this Belova," Loki began in a nonchalant tone that didn't fool Clint at all. "Does she have a ledger as well?"
Clint snorted. "I doubt it. Most of those old ghosts have no souls anymore. Tash is a rare one."
"On that we agree, Barton," Loki announced, left hand unclenching from her thigh. "She is a gem indeed. But those masters she chooses to follow cannot see all the facets."
"I doubt you see them either."
"You don't," Loki challenged.
"Of course not. And we're all happier that way, I think," he said, taking another swig of his soda. He smiled at Loki's doubtful expression. "C'mon. You're a woman now. A girl's gotta have some kind of mystery about her, something that's all hers and hers alone. And a woman like Tash is built up out of secrets, with more layers than an onion. You never get to the center of it. You'd go insane if you tried."
"So you don't."
"I'm different. She lets me in. There aren't many she does that with."
Loki paused, contemplating his words. "Why do you tell me this?"
"Because there's got to be something more for you to do all damn day other than fight in the gym, read books and scrolls and pine away at the window like a lost puppy." He rolled his eyes at her indignant look. "Oh, come on. She doesn't even like dogs, you know. Too dependent for her tastes, and she can't stay in one place for too long."
"What is your purpose for being here?" Loki all but snarled.
Ah, there was a nerve there. He would have to confer with Steve and then Natasha later. Clint merely grinned at Loki as if he knew the secret to eternal life. "See, that's the thing, Loki. It's different for everyone. You have to find your own purpose."
Clint wasn't above the petty feeling of satisfaction he felt when Loki growled at him and stalked out of the room in anger. Nope, not above that at all. In fact, it felt pretty damn good, and quieted the sickly feeling he got in his gut whenever he thought about Loki and the Tesseract.
***
Loki hadn't wanted to give up the sessions in Astoria, though she felt almost sick about the thought of having to dominate Natasha in this body. Obviously a woman could do the task, but she didn't feel comfortable doing it. It wasn't something she brought up yet, as she had another two sessions to go until it was her turn. Perhaps she could come up with a good excuse not to do it, or could turn it around so that Natasha could take control over her again. She called you a good girl, Loki! she told herself, breath freezing in her chest. Because you really weren't a good man, were you? How could you be, when you gloried in her violations? How could you be a man when you work the seidr and take pride in such things? No, this is what you really are. You're a girl, a helpless woman, one to be used and abused however she sees fit, because you don't deserve any better...
She removed her clothing as Natasha commanded, breath quickening in anticipation. Natasha hadn't discussed her meetings with SHIELD, but had assured her that it had nothing to do with her continued presence on Earth. Loki accepted that, because Natasha would never lie about something to do with her work. She took it far too seriously for Loki's taste, but it mattered to her, so Loki pushed aside her irritation with the organization. Much of the irritation was left over from their interference in her attempt to take over Earth, anyway.
Climbing onto the bed, she rested on all fours, looking at the stitching on the coverlet. She had to clear her mind. Natasha didn't want her to think of anything else but the experience, to succumb to her will. Loki was only too glad to do so, to let her take control and keep her safe.
When Natasha brought the heavy black chain to the bed, she started to shake. "I haven't been bad," she whimpered in spite of herself.
"This isn't a punishment," Natasha said, her voice neutral. The chain rested across the backs of her ankles once Natasha pushed her legs apart to her satisfaction, and then a loop of it over her hands. They weren't entwined tightly, and Loki could probably pull out of them easily. She wouldn't without Natasha's permission, but even the sight of the chains instilled fear. Natasha's hand came to rest at the base of Loki's spine, soothing her slightly. "Just something to make sure you don't move, no matter how hard I move you."
Oh. This time, Loki's gasp was one of anticipation, and she couldn't even be irritated with Natasha's amused chuckle. She turned her head and saw Natasha methodically taking off her clothes and folding them, then taking out the harness and dildo she'd used on Loki in her other form before. "Wh-where will you fuck me?" she asked, tremors in her voice.
Natasha smiled, an almost devilish grin that made Loki catch her breath. "Wherever I want."
It was the right answer, of course, the only answer she would ever give, and Loki's eyes were glazed over in lust as she watched Natasha step into the harness. Yes, oh yes, she wanted this, she wanted this so much, Natasha knew exactly how much. Loki could feel herself tighten around nothing, a heaviness in her groin from the wanting. Natasha would fuck her properly, leave her boneless and limp and empty of fear and pain. Natasha would fix everything.
Her fingers were right where Loki wanted them, right up against her clit and in her quim, filling her. Natasha's other hand cupped a breast, kneading the sensitive flesh. Loki could feel the dildo resting gently against her leg, a constant reminder of what Natasha wanted to do. "You're so pretty, opening up in front of me," Natasha purred. "I'm going to fuck you, and you're going to scream for me. No one will hear you because of your silencing spells, so you can scream as loud as you want, Loki."
"Please, Natasha," Loki gasped, pushing herself backward onto Natasha's fingers. Her own pulled at the coverlet, but she wouldn't yank her hands out from under the chain. She could see its dark material against her pale skin, feel the heavy weight of it. But she wasn't trapped, there was nothing to fear here. Natasha wasn't going to hurt her. Natasha was going to keep her safe, and she would be free.
Loki screamed as the first orgasm ripped through her, her back arching and her eyes closing in ecstasy. She could hear Natasha crooning behind her, fingers curling into all those sensitive, soft places inside her wet cleft, and then she cried out again when Natasha pinched her nipple. She could feel Natasha's hair against her back, and then there was the press of Natasha's breasts into her side and her lips against her spine. She didn't slow or relent in any way, and Loki mewled in desperation at the flood of sensation. This was Natasha fucking her with her fingers, using long sure strokes, tips curling and pressing into that spot that made her see stars. Natasha knew her body inside and out, and just the right amount of pressure on her nipple to add to the sensation without tripping over into dreadful pain.
Before the second orgasm was even complete, Natasha withdrew her slick fingers and rubbed them against the puckered opening of her ass. Loki whimpered when Natasha gave one sharp pinch on her nipple, but she used that hand to guide the dildo into her aching quim. "Please," Loki found herself begging, the first thrust of it making her cry out in pleasure. "Yes, there, please, more, more, I need more of this, please don't stop, Natasha, please don't stop, please don't leave me," she begged as Natasha fucked her thoroughly. She wasn't even aware of what she was saying, nearly sobbing. Her entire world was narrowed down to the sensation of Natasha's cock inside her, her hand cradling her hip, fingertips brushing against the curling black hair, and Natasha's other hand rubbing at her ass. Loki didn't care what she had to do or say as long as the sensation never ended. Dropping to her elbows meant her breasts dragged against the coverlet with every thrust, rubbing the sensitive nubs.
The slide of one slim finger into her ass was an intrusion, but Loki didn't mind it. She still pushed her hips back to help impale herself on Natasha's cock, still cried out with every thrust deep into her core. It was hard to breathe, but that didn't even matter. Natasha was giving her what she needed, what she wanted, and she was coming again, wailing and arching her back like a cat as her entire body shook. She didn't protest when Natasha slipped the cock out of her, then carefully pushed its length into her ass. She still begged to be fucked, to be owned and possessed, to be given what she deserved. "Please don't stop, please, please, please don't stop, don't stop, please," Loki begged, eyes closed and hands pulling at the coverlet. It was intense, wonderful and everything she hadn't deserved before. Natasha burned her fears away, took away the worst of her sins and left her clean.
Natasha curled one hand around her hip and found her clit, leaning forward to get the right angle for pressing into it. Loki's gasps became outright cries of pleasure, and she didn't care if she sounded like a wanton harlot in heat. "More, more, I need more," Loki cried, breasts rubbing into the coverlet. It added to the fires burning inside of her, and she clenched down hard on the cock in her ass and on empty air in her quim. Natasha didn't seem to tire, and Loki wailed as she neared another orgasm, every nerve ending on fire.
She collapsed into a boneless mass when Natasha withdrew after her release, gasping for air she couldn't seem to find. Loki felt an ache between her legs, a pleasant sense of fullness, a reminder of Natasha's ownership. She didn't even move as Natasha left the harness and used dildo on the floor to clean later, preferring instead to remove the chains, climb on top of the bed and spread her legs. Her eyes opened when Natasha took a fistful of her hair in hand to lift up her face. "Now you fuck me with your mouth," Natasha commanded, "and you better please me. Otherwise, I won't reward you so well before you exert any effort."
Loki gladly moved to press her mouth to Natasha's bare folds. She was wet, the musk of her arousal making Loki's mouth water. She licked and nipped at everything before settling in to suck Natasha's clit in earnest. Natasha hadn't said to use only her mouth, so Loki slid two fingers inside of her and moved them slowly as she sucked and licked. Her leg was thrown over Loki's back, and one hand slid to caress her skull, holding her in place. Oh yes, she was pleasing her mistress, Natasha was pleased with her, she belonged.
She continued to lick and suck her flesh as if a starving woman devouring a feast, savoring the taste of Natasha's arousal. It didn't matter if she pulled on Loki's hair too hard when she came, when the heel of her foot was too uncomfortable against her back. Natasha was claiming ownership over her, was keeping her in her place, was giving commands she had to obey. Loki hummed happily as she licked into Natasha, wanting to do this forever despite the ache growing in her jaws.
"Enough," Natasha gasped after her third orgasm. Finally oversensitive, she pulled Loki from her flesh and pushed her onto her back. Loki looked up at Natasha in helpless rapture, her lips wet and shining from Natasha's juices. "You've done well, Loki."
And then Natasha was kissing her, tongue sliding into her mouth and touching hers, hands holding her wrists down on either side of her head. Natasha was hovering over her body, breasts pressed against hers and legs pinning hers down. Loki was completely at Natasha's mercy, and the thought made her slick and wet all over again. Natasha filled her senses, occupied her thoughts and gave her rapturous pleasure.
Natasha covered Loki's cheeks with soft kisses, making her grin up at her mistress. "You're not crashing," Natasha observed, still keeping Loki's body pinned beneath hers.
"Can you fuck me again?" Loki pleaded, tilting her hips up toward Natasha's. "I ache so much."
Licking Loki's lips gently, Natasha gave her a seductive smile. "I can think of something."
It was a rabbit vibrator in her quim and a slender one in her ass, their rhythms inside her not coordinating. Loki's mouth was pressed to Natasha's breast, and she gratefully kept hold of Natasha's torso while suckling at her breast. Her legs were splayed wide as the vibrators went to work inside her, hips bucking intermittently when the pleasure grew too intense. The vibrators didn't care about her pleas to speed up or slow down, and Natasha pinched her nipples almost cruelly as she came, screaming. "Yes, fuck, harder, please," Loki begged, legs moving restlessly over the coverlet. "Make them fuck me harder, Natasha," she begged, arching her back so Natasha could pinch and stroke her breasts.
The rabbit was at its maximum speed, but the slim one in her ass was at the lowest setting. Loki screamed in pleasure when Natasha turned the dial to maximum, her entire body shaking. She cried out again when Natasha slapped her breasts, the sting feeling exquisitely beautiful. It didn't even matter when Natasha closed a hand around her throat, or even when she replaced her hand with a length of chain. She had her eyes closed, the toys buried within her spreading pleasure like fire along her nerves. Her mouth was parched from all her cries and gasps, and she didn't resist Natasha pulling her arms over her head and pinning them down with the chain. She didn't resist when her legs were pinned down the same way. Loki was only too pleased to have Natasha's slippery quim over her mouth again, the taste driving her wild. She was pinned down by the heavy metal chains, her body assaulted by pleasure from the toys and her mouth was being used to give Natasha pleasure.
Yes, this was what she wanted, to be reduced to nothing, to be given a single purpose she could carry out. And then there was the pleasure-pain of Natasha pinching her nipples again, sharp and warm, sending Loki over the edge into a massive orgasm that nearly made her pass out.
But still Natasha didn't release her, didn't turn off the toys. Loki whimpered and bucked her hips ineffectually, curling her tongue deep into Natasha's core. It was quickly growing to be too much, completely overwhelming her. Even so, Natasha didn't stop, didn't move, didn't turn anything off. Loki screamed helplessly when the waves of pleasure crested into an orgasm again, when her body was so oversensitive to the vibrations that it was almost painful.
It wasn't until Loki pulled her mouth away from Natasha and turned her face to beg for it to be over that Natasha moved. First, she shifted off of Loki's face, then she stopped slapping or pinching her breasts. Then slowly, slowly, the dials were turned down and finally off. Loki felt bereft when they were removed from her body, but it was a delicious emptiness.
"Now you're sated," Natasha observed with a laugh.
"I will happily lie here until the roots of the World Tree become trees in their own right."
Natasha laughed, a sound that warmed Loki's soul. She was amused, pleased with her, pleased by her, wanting to keep her. Loki smiled and remained sprawled on the bed as Natasha cleaned the toys in the bathroom. She curled around Natasha when she returned, feeling loose-limbed and utterly whole. "This is perfection," Loki murmured, falling asleep with her head pillowed on Natasha's breasts. Natasha said something in reply that she didn't pay attention to.
What else did she need but this?
***
Loki sat in the common room, a large runic text from one of her hideaways in her lap. Natasha had insisted on going with her, ostensibly to help her carry belongings to the suite she was given in Avengers Tower. She was sure that Natasha hadn't trusted her alone in the hideaway, though Loki wasn't sure what Natasha actually mistrusted. Was it her? Was it the structure's stability? Or did she think that Loki had other enemies capable of tracking her along Yggdrasil? That thought made her feel better, though she was too afraid to ask her what it truly was. Loki caught Natasha about the waist before they returned to Midgard, and spun her around, mouth fused to hers. Loki pushed her up against the wall of her hideaway, one leg caught between Natasha's. She wanted to take Natasha right there against the wall, and slid one hand inside Natasha's jeans while keeping the other curled around the back of her neck.
"Someone's a little eager," Natasha had teased, smiling against her mouth.
Laughing, Loki moved to nuzzle her neck. "We should appreciate the privacy while we have it."
As this wasn't taking place in Astoria, Loki's magic was not forbidden. Loki grasped Natasha's bare hip and the nape of her neck, and used her magic to craft the impression of a cock sliding into her. Natasha moaned a little into her mouth, and Loki decided to cast the same spell on herself. Oh, the sensation was sweet indeed, and the two women rocked against each other as Loki's spell worked its magic. Loki tasted the sweetness of her mouth and could feel her soft skin, as well as the fabric rubbing against her taut nipples and throbbing clit. She set the magic to fuck them faster, making Natasha's hands tighten on her ass. She came first, moaning into Loki's mouth, tilting her hips and clamping her thighs tight around Loki's. Loki continued the spell even after she came as well, making Natasha gasp and cling to her.
"Loki," she gasped into her mouth, moving one hand to the back of Loki's neck. "God, that feels so good." Hooking one leg up around Loki's waist, Natasha seized her mouth and thrust her tongue into Loki's mouth.
The pleasure mounted for Loki until she came again, clutching Natasha tightly for dear life. Loki let the spell fade out on her own body, but continued it for Natasha until she tightened and cried out again. Once that spell was gone, Natasha sagged a little in Loki's arms. "Surprise me like that more often, huh?" she asked Loki, laughing a little.
"Certainly," Loki replied, kissing her tenderly. She was tempted to call Natasha her love, but that wouldn't be received well. Natasha didn't believe in such things.
At the moment, as Loki tried to read her manuscript, Natasha was seated in front of the coffee table, file folders spread out in front of her. She had a faint frown of concentration on her face, and was completely immersed in what she was reading. It was an odd sensation to be seeing her that way, that she trusted Loki that much to be so unguarded.
Natasha would never have felt that way about the old Loki, she was sure.
"I feel almost like I should have brought something in to study, too," Steve joked as he entered the room with his sketchbook in hand. Natasha looked up with a smile, and Loki merely placed her hand in the book and gave up trying to read.
"I'm just going over some of the files that SHIELD has regarding certain individuals. It's not very much," she admitted. "But I'm probably not going to have much time to update them."
"Going somewhere?" Steve asked, sitting down on the couch. Loki hated his easy demeanor with Natasha, that they were such good friends she could remain in her easy, relaxed pose. Loki had worked hard to earn that, yet Steve seemed to have received her trust so effortlessly.
"Ambassador work. Not sure exactly when it starts."
Loki managed not to startle, as Natasha had said she wanted Loki settled before she left. She simply hadn't realized it would be that soon.
"I'm sure you'll be good at it," Steve said, opening his sketchbook. "If you can be anyone and anything on this world, you can make it work there."
Something shriveled inside of Loki's chest at the thought of Natasha leaving. Loki would have to stay behind, of course, and she would be alone. She would be in this tower, without her beloved, surrounded by those who thought ill of her, if not outright despised her. How would she be able to withstand the loss?
"And you'll have Loki to help you out, of course," Steve said, nodding in Loki's direction, his pencil in hand.
Natasha shook his head as Loki froze. "No, she'll have to stay here."
"Why? Wouldn't she be part of your Ambassador package?"
"I'm barred from Asgard on pain of death," Loki answered tightly when Natasha didn't answer right away. "I am a vile fugitive, after all, cast out and never to return."
Oh, dear. Her voice was so bitter, bitter.
Steve was staring at her, and Natasha merely closed the folders she was reading through. "I didn't know that," he said after a moment. "I know you got sent back three years ago, but I didn't think you'd be exiled."
"Did you think they would welcome me into their bosom? Did you think they would wish to claim me as kin, allow me to walk their hallowed halls and drink their wine and sit at their tables to feast with them?" Loki's hand on her book tightened into a fist. She saw Natasha neatly stack up her folders and Steve clench his hand around his pencil. "I am not Aesir, as they saw fit to remind me. A prize to be kept until needed to be used, a living trophy of a war long past. There is no place for me in Asgard, no purpose to my existence there."
Her breathing was shallow, her heartbeat too loud. By the Roots, had she actually said all of that out loud? Had her bitterness been so easily evident?
If Steve's discomfited expression was any guide, yes, she had.
"How many have you killed, Loki?" Steve asked quietly. "Here and there? How many?"
"Do you count war, Captain Rogers?" she asked, voice slick with pain and jeering intent.
"How many?"
"Millions," Loki replied with a sneer. "I am a god. Stakes are higher."
"And they count those millions against you, don't they?"
There was no inflection in his voice, nothing to tell her how he truly felt. Loki was sure there was scorn beneath his voice, and she could feel herself nearly shaking. "Haven't I already told you?" she hissed. "I am not welcome."
"Wait," Steve said with a frown. He likely meant it to be conciliatory, but it further inflamed her rage and bitterness. "I don't understand. If you aren't allowed back... Is that the punishment that they gave you three years ago?"
"No," Loki snarled, snapping her book shut. "I was for the executioner when I escaped. Pleased?" she asked, shooting to her feet. This was one of her jailers in Natasha's absence, she realized. He could chain her, and she would have to submit, because Natasha would want her to, and Loki wanted to please Natasha. Loki had to get out, but she knew Natasha didn't want her alone in her hideaways. She had gathered too many enemies, most of whom could find her if she hid on Yggdrasil.
So she was trapped here, among people who would gladly harm her for the things she had done before. She wasn't sure why Natasha wasn't willing to kill her now. Perhaps someday she would; she had certainly promised to do so often enough.
Chest heaving as if she had exerted herself mightily, Loki stifled a scream of frustration and left the room.
Oh, she was a fool, such a ridiculous fool that kept making the same damn mistakes over and over again. Someone would kill her soon enough, and she would surely deserve it, but she didn't want to die. She was a tangle, caught in an even bigger one, and she would lose everything if she hadn't already.
The suite given to her was largely empty, much like the apartment in Astoria had been, and her screams echoed painfully in the room. What did she have now? What was even hers? She had lost her royal station, lost her faith, lost her purpose. Who was she anymore? An object of pity? A warning to future enemies of SHIELD or the Avengers?
Loki turned when Natasha entered her suite. She was dimly aware of the tears on her face, the heave in her chest as she tried to breathe. She truly was an object of pity, was she not? A loose end that Natasha refused to tie off properly.
Natasha came closer, door closing and locking behind her. "Are you going to be all right?" Her tone was careful, controlled, as if she was a live bomb about to explode.
"I don't know," Loki told her miserably. "There's no purpose, no desire to continue on. What would you have me do? I have nothing in your absence, nothing."
She approached Loki with quick, sure steps, then grasped her shoulder and pulled her down for a kiss. Loki returned it with all the desperation she felt, the hopelessness and uselessness evident. She wrapped her arms around Natasha, falling into her, tears falling. "You're going to leave me," she sobbed, not caring if she revealed too much. She hurt too much to care, but later she would castigate herself as a fool. "You'll leave, and there's nothing left for me."
"I can't bring you with me," Natasha reminded her as they fell to the floor, crashing down to their knees. "You'll die if you go to Asgard."
"But what am I here?" Loki sobbed, burying her face in the crook of Natasha's neck. "I'm no longer a job for you to perform at the behest of your superiors. I'm not here on Midgard trying to rule it, so you're not trying to stop me from action. You have no opportunity for work here on Midgard, so I can't protect you. I have no place now, Natasha. I have no purpose. There is nothing for me to do, and I have nothing."
Natasha pulled Loki into a better position to look her in the eye. "You have your life and your magic. You have a stay of execution."
"It means nothing, you know this," Loki sobbed.
She caught Loki's face in her hands, but it couldn't contain the firestorm of despair that Loki felt. Natasha tried to hold onto her, tried to be her anchor, but Loki was sinking anyway. "I'm not leaving yet," Natasha began.
"But you will," Loki interrupted. "You will leave, and there is nothing for me here. Uselessness, hatred, subject to their whim. What am I to you, Natasha? I am no job, no one to seduce for your superiors. What am I to you?"
"You're mine," Natasha told her, voice steely. It calmed her somewhat, but it was a vague enough answer that it couldn't quiet the storm of emotion. Loki was shamed by her hiccupping sobs and tears. "There's no name for it, Loki, nothing that wouldn't cheapen what we have. You are mine," she repeated, enunciating carefully. "Mine."
"The others-"
"Are not what you fear they are."
"They could be, when your back is turned. They could be. I am weak now, female, vulnerable. Fighting back won't save me if they're determined."
Something shifted in Natasha's eyes. "Do you think I'm weak because I'm female?"
"I'm not you!" Loki wailed. "I can't be you, I can't do this. I'm not whole, I never have been."
"You changed only your physical shape-"
"No. I wasn't the warrior they wanted in the palace. My affinity with magic was too off putting. I had no place unless they needed wit or seidr, the rest of the time I was cast in shadow. I had no place, and trying to prove my worth cast me out."
"You killed, Loki. Millions. Is that something a ruler does?" Natasha challenged.
"Yes. Odin did that, I finished the task he could not. Yet I'm denounced the monster, I'm labeled the source of evil, called a scourge upon the realm. I only wanted to be equal, but I could never be that, never."
"Because you don't know when to quit." Loki tried to wrench herself away from Natasha's pitiless voice, but she held fast. "No, you will listen to me, Loki. This is what you came to me for. This is what you wanted. Because they never saw you, didn't value what you valued. You know that I do, and you also know I won't take your bullshit. I won't allow you to get too far, and even if I'm not here I won't allow it. I will not accept this behavior, Loki," she said sternly, and Loki flinched.
"But I can't-"
Natasha slapped her, jaw clenched in annoyance. Loki caught herself before she fell, but she turned wounded eyes to Natasha. "That's bullshit, Loki. Self-serving, self-pitying bullshit. I do not accept it."
"But I'm not you!" Loki cried.
"Hand to hand, blades and manipulation. We both have those skills." Her voice was hard, pitiless. "You have magic, Loki. You're longer lived. Now shut the fuck up with the self pity."
Loki's lips trembled as she tried to follow the direction, but she wanted to dissolve into tears. Her male form would cover up his pain with anger and rage. Her female form still had her rage, but she wanted to scream and cry, too. She couldn't hurt Natasha anymore. She wasn't insignificant, wasn't only worthy of disdain. Natasha was more than human, not a goddess, and better than Loki could ever be. The realization was painful, tearing at her soul. Loki had hoped to escape this maelstrom, but couldn't.
"You're stronger than I am," Loki whispered brokenly.
"Because before, you never had to be," Natasha told her, not unkindly. "But now you do. There's no option to fail anymore, Loki. Now you have to do it."
"Why?" she asked, voice cracking.
"Because I want you to," Natasha said, voice softening. "I need you to."
Tears still falling, Loki nodded and leaned into her, needing the support. She didn't think she would ever be worthy of it, but perhaps she could learn to fake it well enough that Natasha would never regret being with her.
***
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To Chapter Two - Two Feet Forward