Photographic Memories CH 6
After a magnificent case of writers block I've finally managed to finish this chapter and am pleased with it, it is surprisingly to date, my longest chapter. I hope you enjoy it and I apologize for the extended updating time!
Title: Photographic Memories
Pairings: Yoochun/Changmin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slight Angst
Genre: Drama, Romance
A/N: I can already tell this will be too long for a One-Shot therefore I'm breaking it up into parts. I apologize for any confusion that may arise while reading. It should all make sense in the end.
Summary: Changmin's a Photographer who most want to save.
Intended to be strictly business, Changmin remains a few extra days in Shanghai to take in the sights and photograph anything and everything that draws inspiration. Although the change in environment is rejuvenating and possibly exactly what he needs, it never escapes him, the conversation he had with Junsu. He'd been right, never once could Changmin recall a conversation that revealed anything personal about either of them. Yoochun's never mentioned his childhood or past relationships, though Changmin is acutely aware that neither has he.
Even with the distance between them, thousands of miles away from Yoochun, he continues to plague almost every thought.
Jaejoong, Junsu and Yoochun meet him at the airport; wide open smiles sliced in view through the other passengers who look for their own family members. The moment Yoochun locks him in a gaze he unrolls a bright neon pink sign and holds it proudly over his head.
Shim Changmin, I'm pregnant and it's yours.
Changmin lowers his head immediately and laughs, completely embarrassed. He bravely walks past them, biting his lips to stop the explosion of laughter that tickles his throat and keeps moving until a heavy arm slings itself around his shoulder.
"We tried to stop him," Jaejoong promises, grinning devilishly with dark eyes.
"You gave me the glitter!" Yoochun catches up and hits Jaejoong with the rolled sign, loudly. He takes the opportunity to slide his hand in Changmin's with an easy grin. "Did you miss me?" he asks sweetly.
Changmin looks down at their hands and is glad he's already smiling otherwise he may look to obvious. "Not as much as I missed Yunho." Jaejoong elbows him and promises it's an accident. Yoochun laughs richly and tightens his hand around Changmin's fingers.
When Changmin looks over, Junsu is watching them with a small smile.
As they leave the airport Yoochun gives everyone a hug, holding just a little tighter to Changmin who hands over his laptop bag to Jaejoong to hold him properly; he needs to go to the studio and Jaejoong gets a call from Yunho who sounds distressed over the phone.
"I'm sorry," Jaejoong apologizes, sliding his glasses on. His keys circle around his finger as he hugs Changmin close. "Glad you made it back safe," he kisses his cheek and punches Junsu who cries out loudly and attempts to kick him.
"Tired?" Junsu asks as they walk silently towards his car, Changmin adjusts the strap of his heavy bag and nods a little, feeling exhausted.
"Didn't sleep much," he answers and looks over at him, Junsu eyes him through his sunglass and Changmin feels a deep stab of insecurity. "What?"
When he smiles it lessens only slightly, it's not a happy smile, though not sad. It's contemplative. "I understand," he says and disarms his alarm.
Changmin wonders if he understands that Yoochun makes him crazy, understands that he couldn't sleep on the plane, filled with such excitement of seeing him again he couldn't slow his thoughts long enough to concentrate on sleep. He wonders if Junsu understands the moment Yoochun found him in the airport a week earlier, pressed tight against him in goodbye, Changmin decided to let go.
"Not that one, the red one," Yoochun tells Changmin as he searches through a rack of shirts.
Changmin glances up and twists his lips, "I don't like red," he explains and pulls out the white shirt, deciding whether or not to take it, the material is soft against his fingers and made impeccably in Italy. Yoochun grabs it from him before he can look at the price tag and shoves the same shirt, in red, in his hands.
"You'll look hot in red, go with the red one," Yoochun insists with a charming grin and looks at the price tag. "My god, you're rich," he breaths and hands it over with wide eyes. "That's like half of my rent."
Changmin laughs quietly and folds the shirt over his arm, he doesn't talk about money with anyone and although his friends are aware of his wealth he's never been one to flaunt it. "I like nice things," he hums and walks to another rack of dress shirts. His eyes land on a slate blue and he eyes it carefully.
"I’m a nice thing, you like me?" Yoochun smiles and Changmin laughs when he bats his eyelashes. He decides on the blue shirt and looks down at the pile of clothes gathered over his arm.
"If I kept the receipt, I would return you," he states with a smile and starts for the dressing room. He hears a crash behind him and sees Yoochun clutching dramatically at his heart. He tries very hard not to laugh.
The boutique is fairly empty and very quiet, except for the instrumental music wafting along the ceiling to lull the customers into a false sense of wealth and culture. Changmin thinks Yoochun's music is far better in his ears and while he waits for the next available dressing room Yoochun catches up and sways back and fourth on his feet with a grin; he tries to ignore him but finds himself smiling as Yoochun begins to hum a soft melody he recognizes, drowning out the sound above him.
"Your attempts are in vain," Changmin looks through a wall rack of pants.
"We should eat after this," Yoochun grins handsomely, ignoring him and leans against a finely dressed mannequin. When he starts flirting with it Changmin laughs loudly, heart exploding in adoration.
He wonders if it hadn't been for his surprise goodbye in the airport if he would be standing with him now. Changmin watches silently amused as Yoochun continues to whisper secretively at the mannequin and allows himself to admire him. He looks debonair in a causal pair of jeans and v-neck t-shirt. His hair curls out from under a black fedora and he looks every bit the struggling musician.
Yoochun looks amazing and Changmin can allow himself to wholeheartedly admit, he missed him greatly, not only in Shanghai but the weeks of not seeing him before. Yoochun brings an insatiable youth and joy to his life, makes him forget the deep pains of his past and hope for something better in the future. When he's not trying to push himself away an overwhelming swell of adulation consumes him and the very thought of losing that unbelievable feeling of life, terrifies him.
And for that reason, he knows Yoochun is dangerous.
Changmin looks away when he hears the soft footsteps approach. A tall, good looking male walks from the dressing rooms and smiles at Changmin as he passes by. He tries to control the unbearable rush of heat that swarms along his neck and feels Yoochun's eyes on him. He refuses to turn around.
"That guy was checking you out," Yoochun states flatly.
"Jealous?" Changmin asks with a smirk and something dark enters Yoochun's eyes. It affects Changmin immediately with a rush of excitement.
"You're mine, Minnie," he steps against him and Changmin can feel the heat of his eyes, the warmth of his breath.
He takes a step back cautiously, feeling a little dizzy and tightens his hold on the clothing. "I told you not to call me that," he says, "and last I checked, Yoochun, I don't belong to anyone."
Yoochun chuckles deep in his throat and Changmin is grateful the moment the salesgirl appears and escorts him towards his dressing room. He can feel Yoochun trailing behind him and when he follows him in Changmin grabs his arm and throws him out. "I don't think so," he tells him and Yoochun smiles easily.
"But I want to see," he argues in attempt to get back in, Changmin blocks the door with his body. "You are ruining this beautiful moment between us," Yoochun points out plainly while he ineffectively attempts to tickle his vulnerable armpit which lies exposed by the braced arms along the doorframe.
"And that would be watching me undress?" he grabs his hand swiftly and much more quickly than Yoochun can anticipate. He grins with sparkling eyes.
"Of course," he laughs when Changmin gives him a push. "You can't blame a guy for trying," he crosses his arms over his chest and it wrinkles his shirt just enough to expose a sliver of pale flesh, just above his belt. Changmin stares for only a moment before Yoochun catches him, his impish eyes twinkle in the dim lighting. "Like what you see?" he hums and Changmin flushes, moving away.
"Shut up," Changmin mumbles and closes the door in his face.
Changmin buys one item, the red shirt Yoochun picked out. The mall is crowded and a few times he loses Yoochun as a sea of teenagers wash him out with their impenetrable circle of giggling, squealing girls. At some point Changmin grabs his hand before another wave of whispering females carries him out and wraps a powerful arm around his waist, holding him close and protective.
"My hero," Yoochun laughs and Changmin rolls his eyes side-stepping a pair of old people not paying attention to the direction they're going.
"We need to get out of here, I think school just let out," Changmin lowers his mouth to Yoochun's ear and can swear he feels a full body shudder against his skin. Yoochun simply nods, his eyes a little glassy.
"Food," he says and presses tighter against Changmin's solid strength.
"Tell me something personal," Changmin says over dinner, taking a drink from his wine.
He wants to know Yoochun and knows behind his sparkling veneer there must be something deeper and emotional. In Shanghai he promised himself to get to know Yoochun more, no matter how hard it would be. He's aware that it may not be easy and dreads revealing his own personal feelings if it comes to that.
If he intends to even shift the wall he's constructed out brick by brick, he needs to know who it's for. Though his careless spirit and suffocating flirtation hide him well, Changmin needs to know more, needs to know he's worth it.
Yoochun fiddles with his napkin, turns thoughtful. "I used to eat worms when I was a kid." He glances up with a smile.
"That's disgusting." It's not exactly what Changmin had in mind, but he supposes it's a start.
Yoochun laughs brightly and loudly, leaving the other patrons curious at his outburst. "You're turn," he says and takes a drink from Changmin's glass, finishing whatever is left.
Changmin thinks back through the files of memories, Yoochun didn't share anything particularly personal and Changmin wonders if there is anything in his arsenal that could match the field he's presented.
"My sisters used to dress me up like a girl," he smiles slowly, remembering the tears in his eyes as they strapped him down and forced their clothing on him, painting his face with their make up and insisted he drink make believe tea.
Yoochun grins, "I didn't know you had sisters," he says and glances up when the waiter approaches their table, two plates in his hands.
Changmin looks down at his food and feels his stomach turn in hunger; he grabs his chops sticks and glances over at Yoochun's dinner. "You don't know a lot about me," he murmurs secretively and takes a bite, looking Yoochun in the eyes.
"I like mystery," Yoochun says, looking down at his plate. "It's exciting," his eyes sweep upward gracefully and Changmin almost chokes on his food.
Changmin's first date was horribly unromantic. He took him to a carnival where he met up with other friends and ignored him completely. Changmin lost him and spent almost an hour looking for him, when he was ready to give up and go home he spotted him and his friends laughing near a photo booth.
He asked Changmin where he wondered off too and pretended to be worried. After several taunting assaults from the friends, they both found themselves sitting in the claustrophobic booth, holding on to each other to avoid falling as the snap of their picture echoed in the uncomfortable silence.
By the end of the night, while they sat in his car, parked in Changmin's drive way, Changmin exhausted his energy trying to keep his overly excited hands off of him. He was grateful for the light that flickered to life and the nosey image of his younger sister staring from the window as he finally managed to open the door and stumble out. He wanted to see him again and Changmin told him he'd call.
When he walked into his room, slamming the door in his sister's face he looked down at the picture of the two of them, possibly the most unflattering, uncomfortable image he'd ever seen and threw it away.
Yunho warns Changmin, over lunch, that Jaejoong has already devised a plan to set him up on a blind date.
"I wanted to tell you so you can prepare," he smiles with lettuce stuck to his lips, looking young again like a child barely learning to eat properly. Changmin grabs his phone and snaps a quick shot much to Yunho's protest. He glares at him behind the napkin and curls it gracefully into his palm. "It seems he's rather bothered that his matchmaking skills have failed him."
Changmin doesn't need to hear Yoochun's name to know who Yunho's taking about. He picks at his salad and listens, trying his best to ignore the sudden lack of appetite and churn inside his body.
"Pretend to be surprised, he's quite excited about it," Yunho smiles and his eyes sparkle in the sunshine from the glare of the window.
Changmin nods. "I suppose I don't expect him to accept a no?" he smiles easily, holding back the frown that threatens his mouth. Yunho laughs a little and wipes his mouth.
"Changmin, if it makes you more comfortable, tell Yoochun," he drawls slowly. When Changmin coughs out his water into his food, Yunho laughs, embarrassed for him. "I am not blind my friend," he reaches out and squeezes Changmin's hand lovingly. "He will come around, it just takes time."
Food set aside Changmin wonders if Junsu's opened his fat mouth or if he is, in fact, to his utter horror, that transparent.
They're sitting on a bench in the park, Changmin's camera to his eye, capturing the moment a mother throws her laughing daughter in the air, to catch her in a fit full of innocent excitement. Jaejoong assists in pointing out various subjects for Changmin to photograph; he sits patiently and doesn't tell Jaejoong it's spontaneity that attracts him to take a photo, but follows his directions, grateful for his efforts.
"So," Jaejoong speaks casually while Changmin covers the lens of his camera, preparing to move. The sun begins to warm their skin and he craves the cool shade of a tree, wishing he had chosen to leave the jacket behind in the car.
Changmin knows the time has come to bring up the date he's prepared. It's been days since his talk with Yunho and to say the least, a lot longer than he anticipated. When Jaejoong called to ask about his plans Changmin invited him to the park across town, in hopes to relax and collect photographs for a book idea he's seriously considering to produce.
They walk quietly towards a large tree and Changmin uncaps his lens, preparing himself for the next inspiration. Jaejoong leans elegantly against the tree and cross his arms in thought.
"So, I think I may have found the perfect guy for you," he speaks nonchalantly, picking at his nails, avoiding eye contact.
"Have you?" Changmin asks easily and takes a shot of a group of birds picking at break crumbs in the distance. The girl offering food is beautiful and her smile lights up her face, the boy beside her holds her close and throws them at the ground carelessly while she sweeps her hand gracefully, making sure the flock has an equal chance at dinner.
A few moments of thoughtful silence and careful examination Jaejoong's expression falls almost instantly. "I'm going to kick his ass," he purses his lips irritably and narrows his eyes at Changmin's clear indifference. "He told you!"
"Who told me what?" He hopes his attempt will not doom one very good, caring friend to a beating of magnificent proportions. "This is the first I've heard," he adds but Jaejoong is typing furiously into his phone. "If it will save him a lashing, I'll tell you I appreciate your efforts, Jaejoong," Changmin turns and tries to pull the phone from his flying fingers.
Jaejoong huffs and pulls away. "It will not," he frowns. "I suppose you've already decided not to go," he adds quite disappointed, his almond eyes cast angrily at the leaves surrounding them. It makes Changmin smile, Jaejoong cares too openly for him, without expectation and his desire to search for the man of Changmin's dreams makes him care for Jaejoong more than possibly imaginable. He merely wants the people he cares for to know and feel the love he has with Yunho, sheer happiness, despite moments of irritation. Jaejoong loves Yunho more than Changmin has possibly loved anyone in his life. The prospect in finding that same connection with someone makes him hope for a bright light at the end of his dark tunnel.
"I'm not saying no," Changmin reaches out and curls an arm around Jaejoong's broad shoulders. As Jaejoong presses into him with a laugh, Changmin thinks of Yoochun.
Yoochun's apartment is painted in colors and images of himself cover the walls, Changmin thinks he may possibly be the most vain human being on the planet.
"If I don't love myself, who else will?" Yoochun beams, mixing drinks in the kitchen.
As Changmin takes stock of his elaborate CD collection he wonders to himself why he's there. Fatigue sweeps his bones, an unbearable photo shoot sucked his energy dry but when Yoochun offered some company, with a bribe of alcohol, he couldn't refuse.
He thinks it will be an excellent time to address the status of their relationship, he's almost positive how it will unravel but there is that hope and although his attempts to delve deeper into the mind and heart that belong to one Park Yoochun, he's come up unceremoniously empty handed. Tonight's discussion will ultimately be the deciding factor on whether or not to accept Jaejoong's offer.
Not that he particularly needs Yoochun's approval or permission, since Jaejoong's actual proposition for a date has left him wondering if maybe he should accept. Though he seems to be finding most of his time spent between work and Yoochun, his attempts to learn more about his elusive past have been futile. A part of him truly worries that perhaps Yoochun's intentions are merely close friendship with a side dish of jealousy and possession and his own feelings have been holding onto something unattainable.
"Sit down," Yoochun calls from kitchen and Changmin looks up, distracted, he's pointing to the couch and he slowly starts making his way until he sees the piano, standing proudly in the corner by the bay window. It's sleek and polished beautifully, painted in elegant black.
Yoochun watches him as he moves beside it and when he glances over his shoulder cautiously, he doesn't stop him from taking a seat.
As a child his mother tried to get him interested in learning how to play, but with the constant distraction of fascinating photo imagery, he lacked the dedication and focus to actually learn.
Changmin runs his hands along the cool surface and slowly lifts the lid to expose an impeccable row of keys. Yoochun continues to mix drinks in the kitchen and Changmin glances over his shoulder, hovering his fingers over the keys. Without protest from his direction Changmin makes his move.
An earsplitting cry of pain screams from the gentle piano as Changmin's fingers press down. Horrified he jerks away and turns his head slowly towards Yoochun, frozen in mid step; he looks like he may be having a silent heart attack, hands clutching tightly around the glasses in them. Changmin feels a sheepish grin sweep along his lips.
"Pretty good, huh?" he laughs uneasily.
Yoochun's entire body twitches. "Please, Changmin, get your ass away from my fucking piano, it sounds like you're killing it," he says with control and watches as Changmin slides off the bench and leans against it. When a riotous scrape reverberates through the otherwise silent room, and the entire piano shifts an inch Changmin thinks he might die.
Everything is quite for a moment, a half second before a fire red spark ignites and Yoochun cries, "Now, Changmin!" he waves his hand wildly, strawberry red drink splashing to the floor in slick thuds, "Now! Get away from the piano, now!" he moves quickly and Changmin all but jumps away, his half empty drink shoved into his hand. "The couch," he grabs his arm and drags him to the worn leather and shoves him onto the cushions, spilling a little move drink onto his hand.
Changmin drinks guiltily as Yoochun watches him. "Don't ever do that again," he warns and when Changmin finds it difficult to swallow and chokes just a little bit, he laughs.
Over dim lighting, to set the mood, as Yoochun put it, they sit on the floor playing Yut. Several cocktails later, Changmin revels in a euphoric buzz and finds himself unnaturally brave.
"When was your last relationship?" he inquires and makes his next move. When he looks up Yoochun's face is blank, his eyes glassy from the drinks, cheeks shallow in the shadows.
After a few pregnant moments of silence Yoochun casts his eyes down and concentrates on the game. "I don't do relationships."
Changmin feels like he's been punched in the stomach. "Why?" he pushes, reaching for his glass, hoping Yoochun doesn't notice the slight shake of his hand.
"Relationships complicate life," he speaks easily and makes his move. When he finishes he looks Changmin in the eyes and he wonders if Yoochun can see the cracks of his wall sealing themselves, the doors closing, the light fading.
It's the first acutely personal piece of information that Changmin never expected to hear.
Changmin swallows thickly and finds himself a little forgetful of his next move, the drinks making him slightly dizzy, but he craves to know more. "Have you ever been in a relationship?"
"Of course," Yoochun laughs and drinks from his glass, watching Changmin carefully through his lashes.
Changmin bites his bottom lip thoughtfully, hoping to look indifferent though a dreadful spread of uncertainty floods under his skin. "When?" He makes his move, he's winning.
A loud sign escapes Yoochun as he runs his hands through his tousled hair, "Changmin, why are we talking about this?" he asks carefully, staring into his eyes, trying his best to read Changmin's expression.
The air in the room heats around Changmin's neck and he flushes painfully. "I'm trying to understand you," he admits slowly and meets the intense gaze.
"There's not much to understand," Yoochun resigns and looks back to the game. Changmin can feel the lies. "When was your last relationship?" he decides to turn the tables and Changmin is more than prepared.
"Two years," he answers immediately and finishes the cherry red drink in one gulp, hissing softly at the sting trailing down his throat. "He cheated on me," he confesses and doesn't feel much like playing anymore, feeling himself curling into the depths of his mind.
Yoochun frowns and scratches at his neck wordlessly, "Ah, this is getting too serious," he mutters and looks at the game. "Maybe we should stop?" he suggests.
Changmin couldn't agree more but they remain on the floor, looking at each other silently. Yoochun plays with the yut stick, twirling it carelessly around his fingers. "How are you feeling?" Yoochun asks suddenly, concern weaved delicately behind his eye.
He feels a little sick but shrugs. "I'm ok," he says, leaning back on his hands. Yoochun stands to full height with a wobble and Changmin smiles. He stretches his hands and Changmin slides his hands into them, letting Yoochun pull him to his feet. He drags Changmin to the couch and they sit quietly, sinking comfortably into the worn cushions.
"You can stay here if you'd like," he offers and entwines his legs through Changmin's with a grin. "If you think you can't drive."
And it's like nothing's happened; he's smiling like a Cheshire cat, fingering a pattern into Changmin's jeans. Changmin wonders how he can be so caviler and resents his distinct ability to fall back to his natural state of filtration. His skin burns under Yoochun's finger tip and he's a little too drunk to drive home. "Thank you," he sighs and leans his head back, closing his eyes and falling helplessly into a dark hole. He knows Yoochun is watching him and when he feels his fingertips brush his cheek he turns his head and opens his heavy eyes, seeing stars.
"You're a wonderful friend, Changmin," he whispers and Changmin's heart stops beating, he smiles despite himself and turns away closing his eyes again, breathing quietly through his nose, hoping the throb in his head will stop soon.
"I should go to bed," he says softly and moves to stand up but Yoochun holds him in place.
"Sleep here," he whispers deeply into his ear, sending a resounding shock of electricity through Changmin so strong he can hear it sizzle, "with me."
He doesn't think he has the will to move, Yoochun curling an arm around his waist and together they maneuver themselves along the couch. When Changmin elbows him in the ribs Yoochun cries out with a laugh and Changmin apologizes into his neck, breathing in his scent, manly with the faint of something soft and sweet. When they relax into each other, Yoochun holds him from falling from the edge of the couch and reaches up, Changmin watches him grab a remote and the lights die.
"You are such a masterful pervert," he tells him in the darkness and feels his laughter against his warm body. "I expect to be fully clothed when I wake up in the morning," he adds for good measure.
Changmin lies encased in Yoochun's arms, he can't help the deep penetrating sorrow that snakes callously along his body. He'd been so wrong and he's embarrassed and angry, not at Yoochun, but at himself for allowing the feelings to even blossom in the first place. Had he maintained his carefully crafted art of detachment, it wouldn't hurt so much.
Yoochun moves beside him and Changmin clenches his eyes shut when he feels Yoochun's hand on his face, tracing his cheek. "Changmin," he whispers into the night. He can feel the sparks of his touch and it melts him helplessly.
"Yoochun," he says quietly through heavy breaths.
"Kiss me," he asks softly and his breath is above his mouth, fingers snaking into his hair, holding him in place.
His heart pulses in his ears, drumming uncontrollably against his chest, past the hurt, past the resentment. "I don't kiss my friends," he finally answers and Yoochun melts against his body.
"I think about you every day," he confesses secretively.
"I don't kiss my friends."
"Changmin."
"What?"
"Shut up," he whispers and kisses him.
His mouth is gentle but desperate, moving like silk against his lips, licking at his bottom lip until Changmin opens his mouth and tastes him.
Yoochun's hand tightens in his hair and he pulls carefully, eliciting a soft moan and rolls Changmin on his back.
He knows he'll hate himself in the morning but Yoochun's kiss is intoxicating and when he bites his bottom lip and licks into his mouth with the most gentle stroke of his tongue, Changmin knows he won't stop him no matter how much it hurts.
In the morning Changmin slides carefully away from under Yoochun's hold and rolls to the floor on his hands and knees. Yoochun doesn't stir and continues to breathe softly through his mouth as Changmin stands. He looks at him and it hurts suddenly. He looks serenely beautiful, hair draped softly against his sleep worn cheek, lashes fluttering with dreams.
Before he leaves he takes a picture, pulled tight in memory of his vulnerability and unearthly beauty.
He leaves a note.
You drool in your sleep.
When he gets into the car, he looks at the time; it's early but not that early and bites his lip, dialing Jaejoong's number.
|CH 5| |CH 7|
Title: Photographic Memories
Pairings: Yoochun/Changmin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slight Angst
Genre: Drama, Romance
A/N: I can already tell this will be too long for a One-Shot therefore I'm breaking it up into parts. I apologize for any confusion that may arise while reading. It should all make sense in the end.
Summary: Changmin's a Photographer who most want to save.
Intended to be strictly business, Changmin remains a few extra days in Shanghai to take in the sights and photograph anything and everything that draws inspiration. Although the change in environment is rejuvenating and possibly exactly what he needs, it never escapes him, the conversation he had with Junsu. He'd been right, never once could Changmin recall a conversation that revealed anything personal about either of them. Yoochun's never mentioned his childhood or past relationships, though Changmin is acutely aware that neither has he.
Even with the distance between them, thousands of miles away from Yoochun, he continues to plague almost every thought.
Jaejoong, Junsu and Yoochun meet him at the airport; wide open smiles sliced in view through the other passengers who look for their own family members. The moment Yoochun locks him in a gaze he unrolls a bright neon pink sign and holds it proudly over his head.
Shim Changmin, I'm pregnant and it's yours.
Changmin lowers his head immediately and laughs, completely embarrassed. He bravely walks past them, biting his lips to stop the explosion of laughter that tickles his throat and keeps moving until a heavy arm slings itself around his shoulder.
"We tried to stop him," Jaejoong promises, grinning devilishly with dark eyes.
"You gave me the glitter!" Yoochun catches up and hits Jaejoong with the rolled sign, loudly. He takes the opportunity to slide his hand in Changmin's with an easy grin. "Did you miss me?" he asks sweetly.
Changmin looks down at their hands and is glad he's already smiling otherwise he may look to obvious. "Not as much as I missed Yunho." Jaejoong elbows him and promises it's an accident. Yoochun laughs richly and tightens his hand around Changmin's fingers.
When Changmin looks over, Junsu is watching them with a small smile.
As they leave the airport Yoochun gives everyone a hug, holding just a little tighter to Changmin who hands over his laptop bag to Jaejoong to hold him properly; he needs to go to the studio and Jaejoong gets a call from Yunho who sounds distressed over the phone.
"I'm sorry," Jaejoong apologizes, sliding his glasses on. His keys circle around his finger as he hugs Changmin close. "Glad you made it back safe," he kisses his cheek and punches Junsu who cries out loudly and attempts to kick him.
"Tired?" Junsu asks as they walk silently towards his car, Changmin adjusts the strap of his heavy bag and nods a little, feeling exhausted.
"Didn't sleep much," he answers and looks over at him, Junsu eyes him through his sunglass and Changmin feels a deep stab of insecurity. "What?"
When he smiles it lessens only slightly, it's not a happy smile, though not sad. It's contemplative. "I understand," he says and disarms his alarm.
Changmin wonders if he understands that Yoochun makes him crazy, understands that he couldn't sleep on the plane, filled with such excitement of seeing him again he couldn't slow his thoughts long enough to concentrate on sleep. He wonders if Junsu understands the moment Yoochun found him in the airport a week earlier, pressed tight against him in goodbye, Changmin decided to let go.
"Not that one, the red one," Yoochun tells Changmin as he searches through a rack of shirts.
Changmin glances up and twists his lips, "I don't like red," he explains and pulls out the white shirt, deciding whether or not to take it, the material is soft against his fingers and made impeccably in Italy. Yoochun grabs it from him before he can look at the price tag and shoves the same shirt, in red, in his hands.
"You'll look hot in red, go with the red one," Yoochun insists with a charming grin and looks at the price tag. "My god, you're rich," he breaths and hands it over with wide eyes. "That's like half of my rent."
Changmin laughs quietly and folds the shirt over his arm, he doesn't talk about money with anyone and although his friends are aware of his wealth he's never been one to flaunt it. "I like nice things," he hums and walks to another rack of dress shirts. His eyes land on a slate blue and he eyes it carefully.
"I’m a nice thing, you like me?" Yoochun smiles and Changmin laughs when he bats his eyelashes. He decides on the blue shirt and looks down at the pile of clothes gathered over his arm.
"If I kept the receipt, I would return you," he states with a smile and starts for the dressing room. He hears a crash behind him and sees Yoochun clutching dramatically at his heart. He tries very hard not to laugh.
The boutique is fairly empty and very quiet, except for the instrumental music wafting along the ceiling to lull the customers into a false sense of wealth and culture. Changmin thinks Yoochun's music is far better in his ears and while he waits for the next available dressing room Yoochun catches up and sways back and fourth on his feet with a grin; he tries to ignore him but finds himself smiling as Yoochun begins to hum a soft melody he recognizes, drowning out the sound above him.
"Your attempts are in vain," Changmin looks through a wall rack of pants.
"We should eat after this," Yoochun grins handsomely, ignoring him and leans against a finely dressed mannequin. When he starts flirting with it Changmin laughs loudly, heart exploding in adoration.
He wonders if it hadn't been for his surprise goodbye in the airport if he would be standing with him now. Changmin watches silently amused as Yoochun continues to whisper secretively at the mannequin and allows himself to admire him. He looks debonair in a causal pair of jeans and v-neck t-shirt. His hair curls out from under a black fedora and he looks every bit the struggling musician.
Yoochun looks amazing and Changmin can allow himself to wholeheartedly admit, he missed him greatly, not only in Shanghai but the weeks of not seeing him before. Yoochun brings an insatiable youth and joy to his life, makes him forget the deep pains of his past and hope for something better in the future. When he's not trying to push himself away an overwhelming swell of adulation consumes him and the very thought of losing that unbelievable feeling of life, terrifies him.
And for that reason, he knows Yoochun is dangerous.
Changmin looks away when he hears the soft footsteps approach. A tall, good looking male walks from the dressing rooms and smiles at Changmin as he passes by. He tries to control the unbearable rush of heat that swarms along his neck and feels Yoochun's eyes on him. He refuses to turn around.
"That guy was checking you out," Yoochun states flatly.
"Jealous?" Changmin asks with a smirk and something dark enters Yoochun's eyes. It affects Changmin immediately with a rush of excitement.
"You're mine, Minnie," he steps against him and Changmin can feel the heat of his eyes, the warmth of his breath.
He takes a step back cautiously, feeling a little dizzy and tightens his hold on the clothing. "I told you not to call me that," he says, "and last I checked, Yoochun, I don't belong to anyone."
Yoochun chuckles deep in his throat and Changmin is grateful the moment the salesgirl appears and escorts him towards his dressing room. He can feel Yoochun trailing behind him and when he follows him in Changmin grabs his arm and throws him out. "I don't think so," he tells him and Yoochun smiles easily.
"But I want to see," he argues in attempt to get back in, Changmin blocks the door with his body. "You are ruining this beautiful moment between us," Yoochun points out plainly while he ineffectively attempts to tickle his vulnerable armpit which lies exposed by the braced arms along the doorframe.
"And that would be watching me undress?" he grabs his hand swiftly and much more quickly than Yoochun can anticipate. He grins with sparkling eyes.
"Of course," he laughs when Changmin gives him a push. "You can't blame a guy for trying," he crosses his arms over his chest and it wrinkles his shirt just enough to expose a sliver of pale flesh, just above his belt. Changmin stares for only a moment before Yoochun catches him, his impish eyes twinkle in the dim lighting. "Like what you see?" he hums and Changmin flushes, moving away.
"Shut up," Changmin mumbles and closes the door in his face.
Changmin buys one item, the red shirt Yoochun picked out. The mall is crowded and a few times he loses Yoochun as a sea of teenagers wash him out with their impenetrable circle of giggling, squealing girls. At some point Changmin grabs his hand before another wave of whispering females carries him out and wraps a powerful arm around his waist, holding him close and protective.
"My hero," Yoochun laughs and Changmin rolls his eyes side-stepping a pair of old people not paying attention to the direction they're going.
"We need to get out of here, I think school just let out," Changmin lowers his mouth to Yoochun's ear and can swear he feels a full body shudder against his skin. Yoochun simply nods, his eyes a little glassy.
"Food," he says and presses tighter against Changmin's solid strength.
"Tell me something personal," Changmin says over dinner, taking a drink from his wine.
He wants to know Yoochun and knows behind his sparkling veneer there must be something deeper and emotional. In Shanghai he promised himself to get to know Yoochun more, no matter how hard it would be. He's aware that it may not be easy and dreads revealing his own personal feelings if it comes to that.
If he intends to even shift the wall he's constructed out brick by brick, he needs to know who it's for. Though his careless spirit and suffocating flirtation hide him well, Changmin needs to know more, needs to know he's worth it.
Yoochun fiddles with his napkin, turns thoughtful. "I used to eat worms when I was a kid." He glances up with a smile.
"That's disgusting." It's not exactly what Changmin had in mind, but he supposes it's a start.
Yoochun laughs brightly and loudly, leaving the other patrons curious at his outburst. "You're turn," he says and takes a drink from Changmin's glass, finishing whatever is left.
Changmin thinks back through the files of memories, Yoochun didn't share anything particularly personal and Changmin wonders if there is anything in his arsenal that could match the field he's presented.
"My sisters used to dress me up like a girl," he smiles slowly, remembering the tears in his eyes as they strapped him down and forced their clothing on him, painting his face with their make up and insisted he drink make believe tea.
Yoochun grins, "I didn't know you had sisters," he says and glances up when the waiter approaches their table, two plates in his hands.
Changmin looks down at his food and feels his stomach turn in hunger; he grabs his chops sticks and glances over at Yoochun's dinner. "You don't know a lot about me," he murmurs secretively and takes a bite, looking Yoochun in the eyes.
"I like mystery," Yoochun says, looking down at his plate. "It's exciting," his eyes sweep upward gracefully and Changmin almost chokes on his food.
Changmin's first date was horribly unromantic. He took him to a carnival where he met up with other friends and ignored him completely. Changmin lost him and spent almost an hour looking for him, when he was ready to give up and go home he spotted him and his friends laughing near a photo booth.
He asked Changmin where he wondered off too and pretended to be worried. After several taunting assaults from the friends, they both found themselves sitting in the claustrophobic booth, holding on to each other to avoid falling as the snap of their picture echoed in the uncomfortable silence.
By the end of the night, while they sat in his car, parked in Changmin's drive way, Changmin exhausted his energy trying to keep his overly excited hands off of him. He was grateful for the light that flickered to life and the nosey image of his younger sister staring from the window as he finally managed to open the door and stumble out. He wanted to see him again and Changmin told him he'd call.
When he walked into his room, slamming the door in his sister's face he looked down at the picture of the two of them, possibly the most unflattering, uncomfortable image he'd ever seen and threw it away.
Yunho warns Changmin, over lunch, that Jaejoong has already devised a plan to set him up on a blind date.
"I wanted to tell you so you can prepare," he smiles with lettuce stuck to his lips, looking young again like a child barely learning to eat properly. Changmin grabs his phone and snaps a quick shot much to Yunho's protest. He glares at him behind the napkin and curls it gracefully into his palm. "It seems he's rather bothered that his matchmaking skills have failed him."
Changmin doesn't need to hear Yoochun's name to know who Yunho's taking about. He picks at his salad and listens, trying his best to ignore the sudden lack of appetite and churn inside his body.
"Pretend to be surprised, he's quite excited about it," Yunho smiles and his eyes sparkle in the sunshine from the glare of the window.
Changmin nods. "I suppose I don't expect him to accept a no?" he smiles easily, holding back the frown that threatens his mouth. Yunho laughs a little and wipes his mouth.
"Changmin, if it makes you more comfortable, tell Yoochun," he drawls slowly. When Changmin coughs out his water into his food, Yunho laughs, embarrassed for him. "I am not blind my friend," he reaches out and squeezes Changmin's hand lovingly. "He will come around, it just takes time."
Food set aside Changmin wonders if Junsu's opened his fat mouth or if he is, in fact, to his utter horror, that transparent.
They're sitting on a bench in the park, Changmin's camera to his eye, capturing the moment a mother throws her laughing daughter in the air, to catch her in a fit full of innocent excitement. Jaejoong assists in pointing out various subjects for Changmin to photograph; he sits patiently and doesn't tell Jaejoong it's spontaneity that attracts him to take a photo, but follows his directions, grateful for his efforts.
"So," Jaejoong speaks casually while Changmin covers the lens of his camera, preparing to move. The sun begins to warm their skin and he craves the cool shade of a tree, wishing he had chosen to leave the jacket behind in the car.
Changmin knows the time has come to bring up the date he's prepared. It's been days since his talk with Yunho and to say the least, a lot longer than he anticipated. When Jaejoong called to ask about his plans Changmin invited him to the park across town, in hopes to relax and collect photographs for a book idea he's seriously considering to produce.
They walk quietly towards a large tree and Changmin uncaps his lens, preparing himself for the next inspiration. Jaejoong leans elegantly against the tree and cross his arms in thought.
"So, I think I may have found the perfect guy for you," he speaks nonchalantly, picking at his nails, avoiding eye contact.
"Have you?" Changmin asks easily and takes a shot of a group of birds picking at break crumbs in the distance. The girl offering food is beautiful and her smile lights up her face, the boy beside her holds her close and throws them at the ground carelessly while she sweeps her hand gracefully, making sure the flock has an equal chance at dinner.
A few moments of thoughtful silence and careful examination Jaejoong's expression falls almost instantly. "I'm going to kick his ass," he purses his lips irritably and narrows his eyes at Changmin's clear indifference. "He told you!"
"Who told me what?" He hopes his attempt will not doom one very good, caring friend to a beating of magnificent proportions. "This is the first I've heard," he adds but Jaejoong is typing furiously into his phone. "If it will save him a lashing, I'll tell you I appreciate your efforts, Jaejoong," Changmin turns and tries to pull the phone from his flying fingers.
Jaejoong huffs and pulls away. "It will not," he frowns. "I suppose you've already decided not to go," he adds quite disappointed, his almond eyes cast angrily at the leaves surrounding them. It makes Changmin smile, Jaejoong cares too openly for him, without expectation and his desire to search for the man of Changmin's dreams makes him care for Jaejoong more than possibly imaginable. He merely wants the people he cares for to know and feel the love he has with Yunho, sheer happiness, despite moments of irritation. Jaejoong loves Yunho more than Changmin has possibly loved anyone in his life. The prospect in finding that same connection with someone makes him hope for a bright light at the end of his dark tunnel.
"I'm not saying no," Changmin reaches out and curls an arm around Jaejoong's broad shoulders. As Jaejoong presses into him with a laugh, Changmin thinks of Yoochun.
Yoochun's apartment is painted in colors and images of himself cover the walls, Changmin thinks he may possibly be the most vain human being on the planet.
"If I don't love myself, who else will?" Yoochun beams, mixing drinks in the kitchen.
As Changmin takes stock of his elaborate CD collection he wonders to himself why he's there. Fatigue sweeps his bones, an unbearable photo shoot sucked his energy dry but when Yoochun offered some company, with a bribe of alcohol, he couldn't refuse.
He thinks it will be an excellent time to address the status of their relationship, he's almost positive how it will unravel but there is that hope and although his attempts to delve deeper into the mind and heart that belong to one Park Yoochun, he's come up unceremoniously empty handed. Tonight's discussion will ultimately be the deciding factor on whether or not to accept Jaejoong's offer.
Not that he particularly needs Yoochun's approval or permission, since Jaejoong's actual proposition for a date has left him wondering if maybe he should accept. Though he seems to be finding most of his time spent between work and Yoochun, his attempts to learn more about his elusive past have been futile. A part of him truly worries that perhaps Yoochun's intentions are merely close friendship with a side dish of jealousy and possession and his own feelings have been holding onto something unattainable.
"Sit down," Yoochun calls from kitchen and Changmin looks up, distracted, he's pointing to the couch and he slowly starts making his way until he sees the piano, standing proudly in the corner by the bay window. It's sleek and polished beautifully, painted in elegant black.
Yoochun watches him as he moves beside it and when he glances over his shoulder cautiously, he doesn't stop him from taking a seat.
As a child his mother tried to get him interested in learning how to play, but with the constant distraction of fascinating photo imagery, he lacked the dedication and focus to actually learn.
Changmin runs his hands along the cool surface and slowly lifts the lid to expose an impeccable row of keys. Yoochun continues to mix drinks in the kitchen and Changmin glances over his shoulder, hovering his fingers over the keys. Without protest from his direction Changmin makes his move.
An earsplitting cry of pain screams from the gentle piano as Changmin's fingers press down. Horrified he jerks away and turns his head slowly towards Yoochun, frozen in mid step; he looks like he may be having a silent heart attack, hands clutching tightly around the glasses in them. Changmin feels a sheepish grin sweep along his lips.
"Pretty good, huh?" he laughs uneasily.
Yoochun's entire body twitches. "Please, Changmin, get your ass away from my fucking piano, it sounds like you're killing it," he says with control and watches as Changmin slides off the bench and leans against it. When a riotous scrape reverberates through the otherwise silent room, and the entire piano shifts an inch Changmin thinks he might die.
Everything is quite for a moment, a half second before a fire red spark ignites and Yoochun cries, "Now, Changmin!" he waves his hand wildly, strawberry red drink splashing to the floor in slick thuds, "Now! Get away from the piano, now!" he moves quickly and Changmin all but jumps away, his half empty drink shoved into his hand. "The couch," he grabs his arm and drags him to the worn leather and shoves him onto the cushions, spilling a little move drink onto his hand.
Changmin drinks guiltily as Yoochun watches him. "Don't ever do that again," he warns and when Changmin finds it difficult to swallow and chokes just a little bit, he laughs.
Over dim lighting, to set the mood, as Yoochun put it, they sit on the floor playing Yut. Several cocktails later, Changmin revels in a euphoric buzz and finds himself unnaturally brave.
"When was your last relationship?" he inquires and makes his next move. When he looks up Yoochun's face is blank, his eyes glassy from the drinks, cheeks shallow in the shadows.
After a few pregnant moments of silence Yoochun casts his eyes down and concentrates on the game. "I don't do relationships."
Changmin feels like he's been punched in the stomach. "Why?" he pushes, reaching for his glass, hoping Yoochun doesn't notice the slight shake of his hand.
"Relationships complicate life," he speaks easily and makes his move. When he finishes he looks Changmin in the eyes and he wonders if Yoochun can see the cracks of his wall sealing themselves, the doors closing, the light fading.
It's the first acutely personal piece of information that Changmin never expected to hear.
Changmin swallows thickly and finds himself a little forgetful of his next move, the drinks making him slightly dizzy, but he craves to know more. "Have you ever been in a relationship?"
"Of course," Yoochun laughs and drinks from his glass, watching Changmin carefully through his lashes.
Changmin bites his bottom lip thoughtfully, hoping to look indifferent though a dreadful spread of uncertainty floods under his skin. "When?" He makes his move, he's winning.
A loud sign escapes Yoochun as he runs his hands through his tousled hair, "Changmin, why are we talking about this?" he asks carefully, staring into his eyes, trying his best to read Changmin's expression.
The air in the room heats around Changmin's neck and he flushes painfully. "I'm trying to understand you," he admits slowly and meets the intense gaze.
"There's not much to understand," Yoochun resigns and looks back to the game. Changmin can feel the lies. "When was your last relationship?" he decides to turn the tables and Changmin is more than prepared.
"Two years," he answers immediately and finishes the cherry red drink in one gulp, hissing softly at the sting trailing down his throat. "He cheated on me," he confesses and doesn't feel much like playing anymore, feeling himself curling into the depths of his mind.
Yoochun frowns and scratches at his neck wordlessly, "Ah, this is getting too serious," he mutters and looks at the game. "Maybe we should stop?" he suggests.
Changmin couldn't agree more but they remain on the floor, looking at each other silently. Yoochun plays with the yut stick, twirling it carelessly around his fingers. "How are you feeling?" Yoochun asks suddenly, concern weaved delicately behind his eye.
He feels a little sick but shrugs. "I'm ok," he says, leaning back on his hands. Yoochun stands to full height with a wobble and Changmin smiles. He stretches his hands and Changmin slides his hands into them, letting Yoochun pull him to his feet. He drags Changmin to the couch and they sit quietly, sinking comfortably into the worn cushions.
"You can stay here if you'd like," he offers and entwines his legs through Changmin's with a grin. "If you think you can't drive."
And it's like nothing's happened; he's smiling like a Cheshire cat, fingering a pattern into Changmin's jeans. Changmin wonders how he can be so caviler and resents his distinct ability to fall back to his natural state of filtration. His skin burns under Yoochun's finger tip and he's a little too drunk to drive home. "Thank you," he sighs and leans his head back, closing his eyes and falling helplessly into a dark hole. He knows Yoochun is watching him and when he feels his fingertips brush his cheek he turns his head and opens his heavy eyes, seeing stars.
"You're a wonderful friend, Changmin," he whispers and Changmin's heart stops beating, he smiles despite himself and turns away closing his eyes again, breathing quietly through his nose, hoping the throb in his head will stop soon.
"I should go to bed," he says softly and moves to stand up but Yoochun holds him in place.
"Sleep here," he whispers deeply into his ear, sending a resounding shock of electricity through Changmin so strong he can hear it sizzle, "with me."
He doesn't think he has the will to move, Yoochun curling an arm around his waist and together they maneuver themselves along the couch. When Changmin elbows him in the ribs Yoochun cries out with a laugh and Changmin apologizes into his neck, breathing in his scent, manly with the faint of something soft and sweet. When they relax into each other, Yoochun holds him from falling from the edge of the couch and reaches up, Changmin watches him grab a remote and the lights die.
"You are such a masterful pervert," he tells him in the darkness and feels his laughter against his warm body. "I expect to be fully clothed when I wake up in the morning," he adds for good measure.
Changmin lies encased in Yoochun's arms, he can't help the deep penetrating sorrow that snakes callously along his body. He'd been so wrong and he's embarrassed and angry, not at Yoochun, but at himself for allowing the feelings to even blossom in the first place. Had he maintained his carefully crafted art of detachment, it wouldn't hurt so much.
Yoochun moves beside him and Changmin clenches his eyes shut when he feels Yoochun's hand on his face, tracing his cheek. "Changmin," he whispers into the night. He can feel the sparks of his touch and it melts him helplessly.
"Yoochun," he says quietly through heavy breaths.
"Kiss me," he asks softly and his breath is above his mouth, fingers snaking into his hair, holding him in place.
His heart pulses in his ears, drumming uncontrollably against his chest, past the hurt, past the resentment. "I don't kiss my friends," he finally answers and Yoochun melts against his body.
"I think about you every day," he confesses secretively.
"I don't kiss my friends."
"Changmin."
"What?"
"Shut up," he whispers and kisses him.
His mouth is gentle but desperate, moving like silk against his lips, licking at his bottom lip until Changmin opens his mouth and tastes him.
Yoochun's hand tightens in his hair and he pulls carefully, eliciting a soft moan and rolls Changmin on his back.
He knows he'll hate himself in the morning but Yoochun's kiss is intoxicating and when he bites his bottom lip and licks into his mouth with the most gentle stroke of his tongue, Changmin knows he won't stop him no matter how much it hurts.
In the morning Changmin slides carefully away from under Yoochun's hold and rolls to the floor on his hands and knees. Yoochun doesn't stir and continues to breathe softly through his mouth as Changmin stands. He looks at him and it hurts suddenly. He looks serenely beautiful, hair draped softly against his sleep worn cheek, lashes fluttering with dreams.
Before he leaves he takes a picture, pulled tight in memory of his vulnerability and unearthly beauty.
He leaves a note.
You drool in your sleep.
When he gets into the car, he looks at the time; it's early but not that early and bites his lip, dialing Jaejoong's number.
|CH 5| |CH 7|