Photographic Memories CH 5
Sorry for the wait! This chapter gave me problems but ultimately I hope you enjoy it :-D
Also, YooMin lovers, everyone should stop by thest_one she made the BEST YooMin icons!
Title: Photographic Memories
Pairings: Yoochun/Changmin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slight Angst
Genre: Drama, Romance
A/N: I can already tell this will be too long for a One-Shot therefore I'm breaking it up into parts. I apologize for any confusion that may arise while reading. It should all make sense in the end.
Summary: Changmin's a Photographer who most want to save.
Three days, 10 voicemails, 30 texts and a fruit basket later, Changmin decides to accept Yoochun's apology with specific stipulations. He refuses to see or spend any time with him but allows him to call; Changmin continues to uphold his previous promise of not calling him and after several unreasonable huffs and that's not fair, he agrees to it.
"Let's have dinner," Yoochun suggests hopefully one very rare evening Changmin has nothing to do or no one to see. Phone pressed to his ear, he turns the hall light off and grabs the remote, sliding down on the couch.
"You've lost all visitation rights until further notice," Changmin reminds him and turns the television on, stretching his legs out onto the coffee table, perfectly placed for such an occasion. He can hear Yoochun groan into the phone and tries not to smile, he's still very upset and very angry, yet Yoochun's persistence in trying to reconcile and salvage any relationship between them, is quite chivalrous. It was rather astounding the turn Yoochun took after the unfortunate meeting in the club.
His insistence only seems to confuse Changmin more than he anticipated. Yoochun's been completely accommodating, although not particularly fond of it.
"This is ridiculous, Changmin," Yoochun whines and Changmin can hear his dog barking in the background before Yoochun tells him to shut up. "Come on, you said you forgave me."
"Correction, I said I accepted your apology," Changmin reminds him and starts flipping through the stations; he can hear Yoochun grumbling quietly.
"So what are you doing?" he asks with a sigh and Changmin watches a game show, completely lost on the objective of the contestants. He remembers why he doesn't watch television when a young lady is forced into a seat, spun several times and then asked to walk across a balance beam over a pool of water. He changes the station when she falls in.
"Watching television," he responds distracted as a commercial for a new digital camera he hasn't heard about pops on the screen. "You?"
"Lying naked on my bed," he says and Changmin freezes for only a moment, camera envy gone.
He can hear Yoochun's heavy breath and he gathers himself before speaking again, clearing his throat. "One," Changmin says slowly and turns the television off.
"Wait, that's not fair," Yoochun interjects and when Changmin doesn't say anything he sighs loudly, again. "Fine, I'm lying on the bed, fully clothed, wondering why you're doing this to me," he answers painfully.
But Changmin refuses to let his pathetic voice have any affect. "Because you're an asshole," Changmin says matter-of-factly and grabs a pillow, tucking it under his head as he looks up at the ceiling.
"I was only being an asshole because I thought he was your boyfriend," Yoochun tries again to explain, but he's explained so many times already and Changmin continues to punish him. He tends to forget the part where he didn't call Changmin for two weeks. "And you looked so fucking hot, I wanted to rip-"
"Two," Changmin says into the phone, covering his eyes with his arm, an exhausted sigh escaping his lips. Yoochun is possibly the most relentless human being he has ever met. "One more, Yoochun," he warns tiredly.
"Shit," he cries and Changmin hears him throw something against the wall.
"Don't take your anger out on me," he drawls and turns on the couch to lie down, he could do with a good nap. "I told you the rules."
"Your rules are bullshit," he bites angrily.
"I can go back to ignoring you," Changmin suggests and pulls his shirt down as it rides up while he tries to get comfortable. The purchase of this couch was possibly one of his best impulse buys, the soft suede cool against his warm skin.
"No," Yoochun frowns, "ok, fine. I'll be good."
They fall silent for a few moments, listening to each other breathe; Changmin feels his eyes start to droop.
"So what are you wearing?"
Changmin hangs up the phone and puts it on silent as he hugs a pillow close to his chest and decides to sleep, avoiding the blinking light of his phone.
With Yoochun on visitation probation and a viciously enforced three strikes you're out rule in effect, Changmin decides it's time to become better friends with Yunho.
The first time they go to lunch together just the two of them, Yunho, handsome in his work suit looks at him and very seriously gives one request. "Do not fall in love with me." Once he's finished his face breaks and Changmin laughs. He wonders why they haven't tried getting closer before.
Yunho offers to teach him how to play chess, it's hard to follow in the beginning but after many justified losses, he starts to understand.
They're at a park near Jaejoong's house, sitting on the top of a table playing, and he's losing, badly.
Yunho watches the game intently as Changmin attempts to move, "You don't want to do that," Yunho says and glances up at him. He sits Indian style, elbows on his knees, fists tucked loosely under his chin.
A cool breeze floats through their hair and the sky is a canvas of indigo blue and soft ethereal clouds. When the sun hides and shines pillars of gold through slivered openings, Changmin captures nature's majesty.
Changmin looks at the board, contemplating his move. He decides on a different attack.
"Nope," he says and Changmin frowns.
"Ok," he murmurs and bites his nails thoughtfully, "ok how about this?" he moves his king.
Yunho smiles and makes his attack. "Checkmate," he announces with a victorious crow and Changmin frowns. "Again?" Changmin nods.
"I will win you," he promises and Yunho laughs, gathering the pieces. Changmin watches him; he has long delicate fingers and clean nails. He's casual in a pair of jeans, a yellow t-shirt and he looks handsome. Changmin realizes he has very good looking friends.
"How's Yoochun?" Yunho asks curiously as he sets the board, Changmin looks at him; most of their conversation consists of the recent bane of his existence. He doesn't blame Yunho though; Changmin thinks it's really the encouragement of Jaejoong.
"Ok, I suppose," he answers slowly, holding the camera to his eye at the sudden appearance of a pair of Cranes, "don't talk," he whispers and soon all they can hear are the rapid clicks as Changmin takes shot after shot. When one extends his wings gracefully, Changmin holds his breath at the beauty and shoots as fast as he can. They fly away after a few seconds and Yunho's watching him.
"You really don't ever stop," he says with a smile, pulling at his jeans, shifting back and fourth over the table top. Changmin smiles and shrugs helplessly.
"It's like breathing," he answers as he releases the camera gently against his chest.
"I think it's great," Yunho tells him honestly, "you're really good, Changmin."
Changmin blushes with his compliment, "Jaejoong thinks I don't have fun," he grabs his camera, "this," he holds it like a the most precious stone in the world, "this is my fun and it's when I'm with out it, I don't have fun," he tells him.
"It makes sense to me," Yunho nods and when he looks up Changmin takes a picture with a grin.
"I like the mole above your lip," Changmin says from behind the camera, "and the scar by your left eye, it gives your face personality." Yunho smiles and Changmin takes another picture, "and you have an amazing smile."
"Ok, stop now," Yunho begs blushing beautifully, "it's your move."
Changmin is lying in bed; phone pressed to his ear as beautiful piano music escapes the speaker. He closes his eyes and imagines beautiful landscapes, lovers on the beach under a bright moon, soaring over mountains, wind in his hair, problems and heartache left on the world below him.
When it’s over Changmin hears the rustle of Yoochun and soon his voice floats smoothly through. "What did you think?" he asks softly.
"The cadence in the middle should start on A minor and the beginning needs a little work."
Yoochun laughs, "Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about."
Changmin grins into his pillow. "It was beautiful," he finally admits and his voice is soft and appreciative. Yoochun is far more talented then he likes to admit, but like Changmin feels when people compliment him, Yoochun tends to stay extraordinary humble.
He's quiet for a moment, and the silence becomes so heavy Changmin feels his face start to flush unpleasantly. "It was about you," he finally says and the words seep so deep into Changmin he tries very hard to make sure they don't bother him as much as they are.
Changmin thinks it's really unbelievable the lengths Yoochun goes to for a reaction. "One," Changmin sighs.
"No, Changmin, goddamnit," he fights, "This is really fucked up. I made a mistake," he stops, attempting to control his frustration.
They talk almost every day, Changmin hangs up on him a lot but looks forward to the next time the phone rings and it's Yoochun's name on the screen.
The days aren't as long anymore and although spending time with the others keeps him occupied, it's not the same. Against his better judgment, he misses Yoochun. He misses the way they were before and misses seeing his face and his smile, the way his eyes sparkle in the sunlight or the explosion of his laughter when he thinks something's funny.
Changmin doesn't really know how long it will take before he breaks his own rule and flirts back, because if he misses one thing the most, it's the endless flirting; the banter that created their foundation of friendship. It's hard to stop the quick quips he swallows because then he remembers it was the endless flirting that put them where they are now. It's those times that reminded him on days he weakens that keeping his distance doesn't seem like a terrible suggestion.
Changmin sits up and leans against his headboard, propping a pillow for comfort. "You can't say that," he tells him and scratches at his neck, trying to flatten the prickles that bite at his skin.
"I'm not flirting with you, Changmin, I'm telling you I wrote the song about you," he finishes heatedly and hangs up.
The sudden disconnection worries across Changmin's forehead as he stares stunned at his phone. A sinking feeling of guilt riddles his chest and he wonders if perhaps it had been too harsh. For the first time in weeks he contemplates calling Yoochun again, just to apologize. He can still hear the slow melody of the music swirling languidly around his head, Yoochun's words focusing in and out in his ears.
He bites his lip thoughtfully, fingering the phone slowly; and when his stomach twists he wonders if it's from the consideration or that he's upset Yoochun. He knows he shouldn't care but the persistent remorse tugs at his heart and he's fully aware that his feelings still control him in a paralyzing grip.
Changmin slides down under the covers and turns off the light. He looks at the soft illumination of his keypad when he finally decides to just do it.
Yoochun picks up immediately. "I think hell froze over," he says the moment he answers and there is no heat behind his words which put Changmin at ease.
"Thank you for the song," he says and hopes it doesn't come out as breathy as it sounded in his ears. In the darkness he can feel the smile that caresses Yoochun's face and holds the blankets tighter around him as a faint shudder envelopes him.
"I knew you'd come crawling back."
Changmin laughs and hangs up, turning the phone off and wrapping his arm around his pillow. He falls asleep to his song.
When Changmin first had suspicions his boyfriend was cheating on him, he bought a jacket and hat he would never normally own and followed him.
Even after the initial devastation of seeing him with another person, he continued to track him and brought along his camera.
After they broke up he gave him the copies and told him he never wanted to see him again. Changmin kept the original photographs in a manila envelope in a box in his desk; he'd look at them when he wondered what was wrong with him.
"I think I'm going to buy a car," Yoochun considers, snacking on what Changmin believes could be crackers from the loud crunch. He looks down at the prints scattered on the bed, picking one up of Jaejoong laughing as Yunho tickles his armpits, the capture of his joyous smile makes Changmin happy.
"That sounds reasonable," he says distracted, picking up an image of Jaejoong brushing Yunho's hair off his face. Yunho's are eyes closed; Jaejoong's hand reverent against his cheek. He took it when they weren't paying attention, those, Changmin feels, are the best kind of memories, the ones people do every day without thinking. "Make sure to take a man with you, car salesmen take advantage of the weak," he says and grabs another photo.
"The next time I see you, I'm going to kick your ass," Yoochun threatens, crunching louder on his crackers. "You should come with me, you're manly," he suggests suddenly, hesitant in case Changmin thinks he's flirting with him and prepares himself for an abrupt disconnection.
It's almost been two weeks now, countless phone calls and still no face to face contact. Yoochun never fails to remind him how sorry he is and when he gets too frustrated, calls Changmin an Asshole before hanging up on him.
Changmin sets the picture down and tries very hard not to smile. "When?" he asks and walks over to his dresser where more pictures lie disorganized. He waits for Yoochun to speak again and swallows the thrilling spark of anticipation down. When he hears a choking sound Changmin laughs deeply.
Yoochun coughs and Changmin rubs at his cheek, hoping to smooth down the smile as he sputters. "Really, you'll go with me?" His voice is a little too expectant.
Changmin feels his heart skip a beat and wonders if perhaps he is really willing to see him again. "I leave for Shanghai next week," he informs Yoochun and glances at an image of Jaejoong smiling bright and perfect. He picks it up and thinks it's the best capture of his identity. Bright and perfect.
He's taken away from the photograph when Yoochun's voice loses some of its flare, "I can't this week, I'm in the studio almost every night," he sighs. "I didn't know you were going to Shanghai," his voice softens in surprise.
"That would've been something I would've told you during your inconsiderate weeks of ignoring me," Changmin tells him and starts gathering the pictures, securing his phone in the crook of his shoulder and cheek.
"You know, I do have a good reason for that," Yoochun says and it's not the first time. Changmin wonders if today is the day he will finally reveal it to him.
"And what is it?" He sets the pictures on his bed and listens intently, giving him his full attention.
Yoochun pauses, "I can't tell you," he finally says and Changmin starts gathering the other photographs.
Every time Yoochun brings it up, he wonders what it could be and it hurts him to know it could be bad. It's rather unsettling, knowing that his feelings have remained for Yoochun, no matter how often he tries to talk himself out them. There was something in the kiss, a gentleness that sparked a flame so rich his pulse raced heatedly through his body, so sweet his flavor burned inside his mouth.
It hasn't escaped his mind that perhaps it's another person and Changmin hopes with everything in him, it's not that.
"That's a shame," he says holding the phone tight, "The offer was only good for this week."
Yoochun groans loudly. "You did that on purpose."
When all the pictures are stacked neatly in a pile above his blanket Changmin sighs with a smile and takes a seat. "Perhaps," he admits and imagines Yoochun feeling desperate. "Maybe when I get back you can give me a ride."
"God, I hate you," Yoochun growls and the sound of laughter makes him growl louder in frustration.
"You love me."
Changmin knows the moment the words slip through his lips he expects only one response back, and it tightens around his chest at the thought it may not be the same anymore.
"Yes, Changmin, I do."
Changmin hangs up the phone with a smile as a wave of goose bumps prickle to the tips of his toes.
"I haven't seen Yoochun since the night at the club," Changmin confesses to Junsu on a cold morning.
They're walking in the park, it's early and the sky is dark, waiting for the sun. A few joggers pass them and Junsu is quiet.
He couldn't sleep. Images of Yoochun keep a permanent residence in his mind, his enchanting songs play on a loop in his ears; he can't escape him. No matter what he tries or who he sees to take his mind off it, it never ends. Yoochun graces his every thought and it makes him crazy. He's a virus that's penetrated his mind, working viscously down his chest into his heart.
"We've also kissed." It's the first time he's said those words to anyone but himself and it makes him feel like the burden of the world has lifted slowly off his shoulders.
They continue to walk leisurely and Junsu continues to keep quiet and when Changmin thinks he may pull his hair out in frustration Junsu clears his throat.
"That must complicate things," he sighs and it feels like a rope tightening around Changmin's throat.
"Very much so," he breathes.
They walk past a playground with a pair of teenagers kissing on a swing. He watches them until they've moved too far to see them. When he turns his head back, they're walking away, hand in hand.
They finally sit down on a cement bench; the beginning light of a waking sun illuminates the horizon. Junsu blows warmth into his hands and Changmin tightens the scarf around his neck.
"You know," Junsu speaks quietly, soft billows of air swirling around his mouth, "When Jaejoong told me he wanted to introduce you to Yoochun, I was completely against it," he doesn't look at Changmin but Changmin stares at his profile intently, trying his best to calm the blossoming throb of uneasiness. "You seemed too," he pauses, "impenetrable," he says and Changmin doesn't necessarily take it as an insult. He's aware of his walls; the solid strength that keeps him separated from most people.
"He drives me crazy sometimes," Changmin folds into himself, running his hands through his hair, "Junsu, sometimes I think he's two different people." The Yoochun who makes him feel wanted and adored, the other that doesn't call him, that keeps secrets locked in his voice, that can only flirt and expect him not to fall. "I needed to talk to someone," Changmin sighs and turns his head to look at Junsu.
Junsu smiles thankful he is the person chosen. "Talk." He reaches out and starts rubbing soothing circles along Changmin's back.
He tells him everything, the dinner when Yoochun told him he was in love with him, when they developed the pictures and their kiss. He tells him about the two weeks Yoochun didn't call him, the fight in the bathroom.
He tells Junsu about the rules, how Yoochun has possibly never missed calling him every day since the night he accepted his apology and mentions how Yoochun swears here's a reason for it all, yet can ever tell him why.
Junsu just listens.
"I don't want to feel like this," Changmin straightens slowly, rubbing his hands along his thighs, voice spent and tired. "I just," he stops and breathes, holding a hand to his chest in protection, "I know there's something in him that will hurt me," he finishes and hopes the cracks in his wall are repairable.
"I won't lie," Junsu speaks after a long silence, "he may," he says honestly and purses his mouth. He squints into the sun and Changmin watches the warmth sweep along his cheeks, "If he says he has a reason for not calling you, it's not a lie and it's probably bigger than he can admit to."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Changmin worries, pressing his back into the cold cement. The likelihood of another person seems to glare brighter in his mind.
Junsu suddenly pivots and look at him intently. "Changmin, Yoochun will love you with all his heart, with everything in him but it is not something he'll do easily and he's smart enough to not expect you to wait for him," he says gently. "God," he reaches out and touches his leg, "there is so much you don't know about him," Junsu smiles sadly.
Changmin wonders if he'll ever know more.
"Don't die," he says softly.
"I'll try not to," he whispers back.
"Call me when you get there," he asks.
"The moment the plane lands," he promises.
He was fifteen years old the first time his family flew to Japan for vacation. When he told his girlfriend about it she cried and didn't talk to him for a day.
The night before leaving he walked around town with his Polaroid camera, to the school, their favorite restaurant, the movie theater, the park and the shop with the best ice cream in town. His last stop was her house. She looked like she'd been crying and was wearing his favorite t-shirt, he handed her the stack of pictures and told her, wherever she went, he would go with her.
She cried harder as she flipped through pictures of him standing at the school, at their favorite restaurant, the movie theater, the park and the shop with the best ice cream.
Flights have been delayed and the airport is a mad house with screaming people and consoling flight attendants; people try and sleep in their hard plastic chairs and kids run around chasing each other, shrieking deafeningly in to the riotous air. Changmin thinks he sees security weaving past the hordes of people to stop a fight in front of the coffee kiosk.
He sits in the executive lounge, trying his best to concentrate on photo samples of the shoot he had earlier that day. Jaejoong promised him this actress would behave and be perfect. As his eyes examine her cool expressions and captivating eyes, he agrees.
As men in business suits file in unhappily, his flight call explodes through the speaker system and he puts the samples away and grabs his bag. A little girl in a blue dress stops in front of him and tells him, "You're tall."
Changmin smiles down at her and steps around, walking towards his gate.
Yoochun hasn't called him all day. He hates himself that he can't stop feeling disappointed. Jaejoong and Yunho left him a voice message in the afternoon and Junsu reminded him that he promised to bring him back a present. Not that their phone calls were less important, Changmin hoped Yoochun would want to talk to him before he left, considering how worried he seemed the night before.
Changmin pulls the arm strap of his bag tighter, clutching at his briefcase and wonders if Yoochun's falling back into a disappearing act. When he sees the gate number ahead he tries not to think about it, it will only ruin the excitement of the trip.
As he hands his ticket to the pretty flight attendant he sees him.
He's running swiftly through the maze of people, eyes scanning the crowds until they land on him. The smile that sweeps his mouth leaves Changmin's knees buckling, rooted to the floor as Yoochun sprints at him, apologizing briefly to a couple he bumps into. He looks unbelievably handsome in jeans and a white buttoned shirt, black jacket whipping wildly behind him.
Yoochun slows to a walk, breathing heavily through his smiling mouth but his eyes are bright and excited and Changmin feels his muscles working on their own accord; he finds himself walking towards him, his heart drumming erratically against his chest, his breaths short and insufficient. Almost two weeks and it's like the moment in the club, when they first locked eyes, their gaze frozen in time.
"I wanted to say goodbye," he whispers the moment they stand face to face, out of breath and cheeks flushed rose with exhausted energy.
Changmin hears the last boarding call for his flight and looks behind him at the empty doorway, the flight attendants gathering their paperwork. "I've got to go," he says softly, hoping the smile isn't too big.
Yoochun laughs helplessly and pulls him into the tightest hug of his life, holding him powerfully in his arms and Changmin can smell the night on him. "I couldn't let you leave without seeing you," he breathes into his ear and tightens his arms. "You can punish me for breaking the rules when you get back," he laughs and pulls away, looking into his eyes that sparkle like diamonds and Changmin finds it incredibly harder to breath.
"Sir, you really should board now," a sweet voice filters through them and Changmin looks at the anxious attendant with a nod.
"I've got to go," Changmin tightens his hold on his bag and takes a final look at the only person who can destroy his life in a moment and rebuild it with a smile. "I'll call you," he promises and turns towards the open doorway.
Before he can leave Yoochun shoves an envelope into his hand and watches him walk away.
In his seat Changmin tries to steady his breathing but he can still feel Yoochun's hug, the warmth of his body saturated delicately into his clothing. He flips the envelope around his fingers and bites at his lip before lifting the lid. As he pulls the contents out, his laughter reaches his eyes.
It's a picture of the two of them, laughing at Yunho's birthday party; in the corner is Yoochun's familiar handwriting.
In case you forget.
|CH 4| |CH 6|
Also, YooMin lovers, everyone should stop by thest_one she made the BEST YooMin icons!
Title: Photographic Memories
Pairings: Yoochun/Changmin
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slight Angst
Genre: Drama, Romance
A/N: I can already tell this will be too long for a One-Shot therefore I'm breaking it up into parts. I apologize for any confusion that may arise while reading. It should all make sense in the end.
Summary: Changmin's a Photographer who most want to save.
Three days, 10 voicemails, 30 texts and a fruit basket later, Changmin decides to accept Yoochun's apology with specific stipulations. He refuses to see or spend any time with him but allows him to call; Changmin continues to uphold his previous promise of not calling him and after several unreasonable huffs and that's not fair, he agrees to it.
"Let's have dinner," Yoochun suggests hopefully one very rare evening Changmin has nothing to do or no one to see. Phone pressed to his ear, he turns the hall light off and grabs the remote, sliding down on the couch.
"You've lost all visitation rights until further notice," Changmin reminds him and turns the television on, stretching his legs out onto the coffee table, perfectly placed for such an occasion. He can hear Yoochun groan into the phone and tries not to smile, he's still very upset and very angry, yet Yoochun's persistence in trying to reconcile and salvage any relationship between them, is quite chivalrous. It was rather astounding the turn Yoochun took after the unfortunate meeting in the club.
His insistence only seems to confuse Changmin more than he anticipated. Yoochun's been completely accommodating, although not particularly fond of it.
"This is ridiculous, Changmin," Yoochun whines and Changmin can hear his dog barking in the background before Yoochun tells him to shut up. "Come on, you said you forgave me."
"Correction, I said I accepted your apology," Changmin reminds him and starts flipping through the stations; he can hear Yoochun grumbling quietly.
"So what are you doing?" he asks with a sigh and Changmin watches a game show, completely lost on the objective of the contestants. He remembers why he doesn't watch television when a young lady is forced into a seat, spun several times and then asked to walk across a balance beam over a pool of water. He changes the station when she falls in.
"Watching television," he responds distracted as a commercial for a new digital camera he hasn't heard about pops on the screen. "You?"
"Lying naked on my bed," he says and Changmin freezes for only a moment, camera envy gone.
He can hear Yoochun's heavy breath and he gathers himself before speaking again, clearing his throat. "One," Changmin says slowly and turns the television off.
"Wait, that's not fair," Yoochun interjects and when Changmin doesn't say anything he sighs loudly, again. "Fine, I'm lying on the bed, fully clothed, wondering why you're doing this to me," he answers painfully.
But Changmin refuses to let his pathetic voice have any affect. "Because you're an asshole," Changmin says matter-of-factly and grabs a pillow, tucking it under his head as he looks up at the ceiling.
"I was only being an asshole because I thought he was your boyfriend," Yoochun tries again to explain, but he's explained so many times already and Changmin continues to punish him. He tends to forget the part where he didn't call Changmin for two weeks. "And you looked so fucking hot, I wanted to rip-"
"Two," Changmin says into the phone, covering his eyes with his arm, an exhausted sigh escaping his lips. Yoochun is possibly the most relentless human being he has ever met. "One more, Yoochun," he warns tiredly.
"Shit," he cries and Changmin hears him throw something against the wall.
"Don't take your anger out on me," he drawls and turns on the couch to lie down, he could do with a good nap. "I told you the rules."
"Your rules are bullshit," he bites angrily.
"I can go back to ignoring you," Changmin suggests and pulls his shirt down as it rides up while he tries to get comfortable. The purchase of this couch was possibly one of his best impulse buys, the soft suede cool against his warm skin.
"No," Yoochun frowns, "ok, fine. I'll be good."
They fall silent for a few moments, listening to each other breathe; Changmin feels his eyes start to droop.
"So what are you wearing?"
Changmin hangs up the phone and puts it on silent as he hugs a pillow close to his chest and decides to sleep, avoiding the blinking light of his phone.
With Yoochun on visitation probation and a viciously enforced three strikes you're out rule in effect, Changmin decides it's time to become better friends with Yunho.
The first time they go to lunch together just the two of them, Yunho, handsome in his work suit looks at him and very seriously gives one request. "Do not fall in love with me." Once he's finished his face breaks and Changmin laughs. He wonders why they haven't tried getting closer before.
Yunho offers to teach him how to play chess, it's hard to follow in the beginning but after many justified losses, he starts to understand.
They're at a park near Jaejoong's house, sitting on the top of a table playing, and he's losing, badly.
Yunho watches the game intently as Changmin attempts to move, "You don't want to do that," Yunho says and glances up at him. He sits Indian style, elbows on his knees, fists tucked loosely under his chin.
A cool breeze floats through their hair and the sky is a canvas of indigo blue and soft ethereal clouds. When the sun hides and shines pillars of gold through slivered openings, Changmin captures nature's majesty.
Changmin looks at the board, contemplating his move. He decides on a different attack.
"Nope," he says and Changmin frowns.
"Ok," he murmurs and bites his nails thoughtfully, "ok how about this?" he moves his king.
Yunho smiles and makes his attack. "Checkmate," he announces with a victorious crow and Changmin frowns. "Again?" Changmin nods.
"I will win you," he promises and Yunho laughs, gathering the pieces. Changmin watches him; he has long delicate fingers and clean nails. He's casual in a pair of jeans, a yellow t-shirt and he looks handsome. Changmin realizes he has very good looking friends.
"How's Yoochun?" Yunho asks curiously as he sets the board, Changmin looks at him; most of their conversation consists of the recent bane of his existence. He doesn't blame Yunho though; Changmin thinks it's really the encouragement of Jaejoong.
"Ok, I suppose," he answers slowly, holding the camera to his eye at the sudden appearance of a pair of Cranes, "don't talk," he whispers and soon all they can hear are the rapid clicks as Changmin takes shot after shot. When one extends his wings gracefully, Changmin holds his breath at the beauty and shoots as fast as he can. They fly away after a few seconds and Yunho's watching him.
"You really don't ever stop," he says with a smile, pulling at his jeans, shifting back and fourth over the table top. Changmin smiles and shrugs helplessly.
"It's like breathing," he answers as he releases the camera gently against his chest.
"I think it's great," Yunho tells him honestly, "you're really good, Changmin."
Changmin blushes with his compliment, "Jaejoong thinks I don't have fun," he grabs his camera, "this," he holds it like a the most precious stone in the world, "this is my fun and it's when I'm with out it, I don't have fun," he tells him.
"It makes sense to me," Yunho nods and when he looks up Changmin takes a picture with a grin.
"I like the mole above your lip," Changmin says from behind the camera, "and the scar by your left eye, it gives your face personality." Yunho smiles and Changmin takes another picture, "and you have an amazing smile."
"Ok, stop now," Yunho begs blushing beautifully, "it's your move."
Changmin is lying in bed; phone pressed to his ear as beautiful piano music escapes the speaker. He closes his eyes and imagines beautiful landscapes, lovers on the beach under a bright moon, soaring over mountains, wind in his hair, problems and heartache left on the world below him.
When it’s over Changmin hears the rustle of Yoochun and soon his voice floats smoothly through. "What did you think?" he asks softly.
"The cadence in the middle should start on A minor and the beginning needs a little work."
Yoochun laughs, "Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about."
Changmin grins into his pillow. "It was beautiful," he finally admits and his voice is soft and appreciative. Yoochun is far more talented then he likes to admit, but like Changmin feels when people compliment him, Yoochun tends to stay extraordinary humble.
He's quiet for a moment, and the silence becomes so heavy Changmin feels his face start to flush unpleasantly. "It was about you," he finally says and the words seep so deep into Changmin he tries very hard to make sure they don't bother him as much as they are.
Changmin thinks it's really unbelievable the lengths Yoochun goes to for a reaction. "One," Changmin sighs.
"No, Changmin, goddamnit," he fights, "This is really fucked up. I made a mistake," he stops, attempting to control his frustration.
They talk almost every day, Changmin hangs up on him a lot but looks forward to the next time the phone rings and it's Yoochun's name on the screen.
The days aren't as long anymore and although spending time with the others keeps him occupied, it's not the same. Against his better judgment, he misses Yoochun. He misses the way they were before and misses seeing his face and his smile, the way his eyes sparkle in the sunlight or the explosion of his laughter when he thinks something's funny.
Changmin doesn't really know how long it will take before he breaks his own rule and flirts back, because if he misses one thing the most, it's the endless flirting; the banter that created their foundation of friendship. It's hard to stop the quick quips he swallows because then he remembers it was the endless flirting that put them where they are now. It's those times that reminded him on days he weakens that keeping his distance doesn't seem like a terrible suggestion.
Changmin sits up and leans against his headboard, propping a pillow for comfort. "You can't say that," he tells him and scratches at his neck, trying to flatten the prickles that bite at his skin.
"I'm not flirting with you, Changmin, I'm telling you I wrote the song about you," he finishes heatedly and hangs up.
The sudden disconnection worries across Changmin's forehead as he stares stunned at his phone. A sinking feeling of guilt riddles his chest and he wonders if perhaps it had been too harsh. For the first time in weeks he contemplates calling Yoochun again, just to apologize. He can still hear the slow melody of the music swirling languidly around his head, Yoochun's words focusing in and out in his ears.
He bites his lip thoughtfully, fingering the phone slowly; and when his stomach twists he wonders if it's from the consideration or that he's upset Yoochun. He knows he shouldn't care but the persistent remorse tugs at his heart and he's fully aware that his feelings still control him in a paralyzing grip.
Changmin slides down under the covers and turns off the light. He looks at the soft illumination of his keypad when he finally decides to just do it.
Yoochun picks up immediately. "I think hell froze over," he says the moment he answers and there is no heat behind his words which put Changmin at ease.
"Thank you for the song," he says and hopes it doesn't come out as breathy as it sounded in his ears. In the darkness he can feel the smile that caresses Yoochun's face and holds the blankets tighter around him as a faint shudder envelopes him.
"I knew you'd come crawling back."
Changmin laughs and hangs up, turning the phone off and wrapping his arm around his pillow. He falls asleep to his song.
When Changmin first had suspicions his boyfriend was cheating on him, he bought a jacket and hat he would never normally own and followed him.
Even after the initial devastation of seeing him with another person, he continued to track him and brought along his camera.
After they broke up he gave him the copies and told him he never wanted to see him again. Changmin kept the original photographs in a manila envelope in a box in his desk; he'd look at them when he wondered what was wrong with him.
"I think I'm going to buy a car," Yoochun considers, snacking on what Changmin believes could be crackers from the loud crunch. He looks down at the prints scattered on the bed, picking one up of Jaejoong laughing as Yunho tickles his armpits, the capture of his joyous smile makes Changmin happy.
"That sounds reasonable," he says distracted, picking up an image of Jaejoong brushing Yunho's hair off his face. Yunho's are eyes closed; Jaejoong's hand reverent against his cheek. He took it when they weren't paying attention, those, Changmin feels, are the best kind of memories, the ones people do every day without thinking. "Make sure to take a man with you, car salesmen take advantage of the weak," he says and grabs another photo.
"The next time I see you, I'm going to kick your ass," Yoochun threatens, crunching louder on his crackers. "You should come with me, you're manly," he suggests suddenly, hesitant in case Changmin thinks he's flirting with him and prepares himself for an abrupt disconnection.
It's almost been two weeks now, countless phone calls and still no face to face contact. Yoochun never fails to remind him how sorry he is and when he gets too frustrated, calls Changmin an Asshole before hanging up on him.
Changmin sets the picture down and tries very hard not to smile. "When?" he asks and walks over to his dresser where more pictures lie disorganized. He waits for Yoochun to speak again and swallows the thrilling spark of anticipation down. When he hears a choking sound Changmin laughs deeply.
Yoochun coughs and Changmin rubs at his cheek, hoping to smooth down the smile as he sputters. "Really, you'll go with me?" His voice is a little too expectant.
Changmin feels his heart skip a beat and wonders if perhaps he is really willing to see him again. "I leave for Shanghai next week," he informs Yoochun and glances at an image of Jaejoong smiling bright and perfect. He picks it up and thinks it's the best capture of his identity. Bright and perfect.
He's taken away from the photograph when Yoochun's voice loses some of its flare, "I can't this week, I'm in the studio almost every night," he sighs. "I didn't know you were going to Shanghai," his voice softens in surprise.
"That would've been something I would've told you during your inconsiderate weeks of ignoring me," Changmin tells him and starts gathering the pictures, securing his phone in the crook of his shoulder and cheek.
"You know, I do have a good reason for that," Yoochun says and it's not the first time. Changmin wonders if today is the day he will finally reveal it to him.
"And what is it?" He sets the pictures on his bed and listens intently, giving him his full attention.
Yoochun pauses, "I can't tell you," he finally says and Changmin starts gathering the other photographs.
Every time Yoochun brings it up, he wonders what it could be and it hurts him to know it could be bad. It's rather unsettling, knowing that his feelings have remained for Yoochun, no matter how often he tries to talk himself out them. There was something in the kiss, a gentleness that sparked a flame so rich his pulse raced heatedly through his body, so sweet his flavor burned inside his mouth.
It hasn't escaped his mind that perhaps it's another person and Changmin hopes with everything in him, it's not that.
"That's a shame," he says holding the phone tight, "The offer was only good for this week."
Yoochun groans loudly. "You did that on purpose."
When all the pictures are stacked neatly in a pile above his blanket Changmin sighs with a smile and takes a seat. "Perhaps," he admits and imagines Yoochun feeling desperate. "Maybe when I get back you can give me a ride."
"God, I hate you," Yoochun growls and the sound of laughter makes him growl louder in frustration.
"You love me."
Changmin knows the moment the words slip through his lips he expects only one response back, and it tightens around his chest at the thought it may not be the same anymore.
"Yes, Changmin, I do."
Changmin hangs up the phone with a smile as a wave of goose bumps prickle to the tips of his toes.
"I haven't seen Yoochun since the night at the club," Changmin confesses to Junsu on a cold morning.
They're walking in the park, it's early and the sky is dark, waiting for the sun. A few joggers pass them and Junsu is quiet.
He couldn't sleep. Images of Yoochun keep a permanent residence in his mind, his enchanting songs play on a loop in his ears; he can't escape him. No matter what he tries or who he sees to take his mind off it, it never ends. Yoochun graces his every thought and it makes him crazy. He's a virus that's penetrated his mind, working viscously down his chest into his heart.
"We've also kissed." It's the first time he's said those words to anyone but himself and it makes him feel like the burden of the world has lifted slowly off his shoulders.
They continue to walk leisurely and Junsu continues to keep quiet and when Changmin thinks he may pull his hair out in frustration Junsu clears his throat.
"That must complicate things," he sighs and it feels like a rope tightening around Changmin's throat.
"Very much so," he breathes.
They walk past a playground with a pair of teenagers kissing on a swing. He watches them until they've moved too far to see them. When he turns his head back, they're walking away, hand in hand.
They finally sit down on a cement bench; the beginning light of a waking sun illuminates the horizon. Junsu blows warmth into his hands and Changmin tightens the scarf around his neck.
"You know," Junsu speaks quietly, soft billows of air swirling around his mouth, "When Jaejoong told me he wanted to introduce you to Yoochun, I was completely against it," he doesn't look at Changmin but Changmin stares at his profile intently, trying his best to calm the blossoming throb of uneasiness. "You seemed too," he pauses, "impenetrable," he says and Changmin doesn't necessarily take it as an insult. He's aware of his walls; the solid strength that keeps him separated from most people.
"He drives me crazy sometimes," Changmin folds into himself, running his hands through his hair, "Junsu, sometimes I think he's two different people." The Yoochun who makes him feel wanted and adored, the other that doesn't call him, that keeps secrets locked in his voice, that can only flirt and expect him not to fall. "I needed to talk to someone," Changmin sighs and turns his head to look at Junsu.
Junsu smiles thankful he is the person chosen. "Talk." He reaches out and starts rubbing soothing circles along Changmin's back.
He tells him everything, the dinner when Yoochun told him he was in love with him, when they developed the pictures and their kiss. He tells him about the two weeks Yoochun didn't call him, the fight in the bathroom.
He tells Junsu about the rules, how Yoochun has possibly never missed calling him every day since the night he accepted his apology and mentions how Yoochun swears here's a reason for it all, yet can ever tell him why.
Junsu just listens.
"I don't want to feel like this," Changmin straightens slowly, rubbing his hands along his thighs, voice spent and tired. "I just," he stops and breathes, holding a hand to his chest in protection, "I know there's something in him that will hurt me," he finishes and hopes the cracks in his wall are repairable.
"I won't lie," Junsu speaks after a long silence, "he may," he says honestly and purses his mouth. He squints into the sun and Changmin watches the warmth sweep along his cheeks, "If he says he has a reason for not calling you, it's not a lie and it's probably bigger than he can admit to."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Changmin worries, pressing his back into the cold cement. The likelihood of another person seems to glare brighter in his mind.
Junsu suddenly pivots and look at him intently. "Changmin, Yoochun will love you with all his heart, with everything in him but it is not something he'll do easily and he's smart enough to not expect you to wait for him," he says gently. "God," he reaches out and touches his leg, "there is so much you don't know about him," Junsu smiles sadly.
Changmin wonders if he'll ever know more.
"Don't die," he says softly.
"I'll try not to," he whispers back.
"Call me when you get there," he asks.
"The moment the plane lands," he promises.
He was fifteen years old the first time his family flew to Japan for vacation. When he told his girlfriend about it she cried and didn't talk to him for a day.
The night before leaving he walked around town with his Polaroid camera, to the school, their favorite restaurant, the movie theater, the park and the shop with the best ice cream in town. His last stop was her house. She looked like she'd been crying and was wearing his favorite t-shirt, he handed her the stack of pictures and told her, wherever she went, he would go with her.
She cried harder as she flipped through pictures of him standing at the school, at their favorite restaurant, the movie theater, the park and the shop with the best ice cream.
Flights have been delayed and the airport is a mad house with screaming people and consoling flight attendants; people try and sleep in their hard plastic chairs and kids run around chasing each other, shrieking deafeningly in to the riotous air. Changmin thinks he sees security weaving past the hordes of people to stop a fight in front of the coffee kiosk.
He sits in the executive lounge, trying his best to concentrate on photo samples of the shoot he had earlier that day. Jaejoong promised him this actress would behave and be perfect. As his eyes examine her cool expressions and captivating eyes, he agrees.
As men in business suits file in unhappily, his flight call explodes through the speaker system and he puts the samples away and grabs his bag. A little girl in a blue dress stops in front of him and tells him, "You're tall."
Changmin smiles down at her and steps around, walking towards his gate.
Yoochun hasn't called him all day. He hates himself that he can't stop feeling disappointed. Jaejoong and Yunho left him a voice message in the afternoon and Junsu reminded him that he promised to bring him back a present. Not that their phone calls were less important, Changmin hoped Yoochun would want to talk to him before he left, considering how worried he seemed the night before.
Changmin pulls the arm strap of his bag tighter, clutching at his briefcase and wonders if Yoochun's falling back into a disappearing act. When he sees the gate number ahead he tries not to think about it, it will only ruin the excitement of the trip.
As he hands his ticket to the pretty flight attendant he sees him.
He's running swiftly through the maze of people, eyes scanning the crowds until they land on him. The smile that sweeps his mouth leaves Changmin's knees buckling, rooted to the floor as Yoochun sprints at him, apologizing briefly to a couple he bumps into. He looks unbelievably handsome in jeans and a white buttoned shirt, black jacket whipping wildly behind him.
Yoochun slows to a walk, breathing heavily through his smiling mouth but his eyes are bright and excited and Changmin feels his muscles working on their own accord; he finds himself walking towards him, his heart drumming erratically against his chest, his breaths short and insufficient. Almost two weeks and it's like the moment in the club, when they first locked eyes, their gaze frozen in time.
"I wanted to say goodbye," he whispers the moment they stand face to face, out of breath and cheeks flushed rose with exhausted energy.
Changmin hears the last boarding call for his flight and looks behind him at the empty doorway, the flight attendants gathering their paperwork. "I've got to go," he says softly, hoping the smile isn't too big.
Yoochun laughs helplessly and pulls him into the tightest hug of his life, holding him powerfully in his arms and Changmin can smell the night on him. "I couldn't let you leave without seeing you," he breathes into his ear and tightens his arms. "You can punish me for breaking the rules when you get back," he laughs and pulls away, looking into his eyes that sparkle like diamonds and Changmin finds it incredibly harder to breath.
"Sir, you really should board now," a sweet voice filters through them and Changmin looks at the anxious attendant with a nod.
"I've got to go," Changmin tightens his hold on his bag and takes a final look at the only person who can destroy his life in a moment and rebuild it with a smile. "I'll call you," he promises and turns towards the open doorway.
Before he can leave Yoochun shoves an envelope into his hand and watches him walk away.
In his seat Changmin tries to steady his breathing but he can still feel Yoochun's hug, the warmth of his body saturated delicately into his clothing. He flips the envelope around his fingers and bites at his lip before lifting the lid. As he pulls the contents out, his laughter reaches his eyes.
It's a picture of the two of them, laughing at Yunho's birthday party; in the corner is Yoochun's familiar handwriting.
In case you forget.
|CH 4| |CH 6|