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[emptyyourself]

[That last post? He does not remember any of it. Or most of it. Not even the creepy game of horrific death. He doesn't have the journal portion of his journal equipment - just the communicator - and has been sleeping since he made his long, rambling post that will shame him horrifically later

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Private-audio.

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha just sounds tired.]

Well, I'm guessing you don't remember how stoned you were yesterday. She'd died, but the Doctor didn't bring her here to revive.

And I don't think that's a good idea, Severus.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

I didn't ignore it.

[Yes she did, but that was beside the point. Martha just sighed and frowned quickly, and then watched him for a moment. She had told him, eventually. Well, she'd told him twice.]

It doesn't matter, because it's not as if I can ignore Saxon, he's here and I'll need to deal with it.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[He simply stared at her for a moment. Finally, his annoyance got the better of him. If she didn't want to talk to him, so be it - but there was no call for dishonesty.

Or denial.]

That's twice you've attempted to lie to me. Have we reversed roles? I chose not to lie to you, so a void is left to be filled?

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha wasn't going to argue with him in the middle of the infirmary floor, because bloody hell she may get shouty and it wasn't fair to everyone else who was trying to sleep. She got off the bed and gestured to her office.]

My office. Now.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[On only the second day of the death toll, moving was painful, and being ordered to her office like a schoolboy needled him.

It didn't stop him, however, from doing exactly as she requested. People had been privy to enough that ought to have been keep entirely private; they weren't going to see another bout of arguing.]

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Once he was inside, and the door was shut, Martha turned to face him quickly. She was over tired, because she'd probably managed to only catch three hours of sleep in the last couple of days, and she was running on caffeine and adrenaline. After a moment she decided that she needed more caffeine and she moved over to the coffee pot and poured herself another cup.]

I can handle Saxon. I was just surprised and upset that it was after all of this he needed to make himself known, and that he'd pretended to be Sam Tyler.

[Her voice dropped a bit, because she really was angry at this.]

He'd done it before and I didn't even suspect that it could have been the Master. I was going to petition for him to be released!

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[He couldn't help but wonder how it was she'd been so willing to talk to him a year before, when there was nothing between them - and suspected the fact that there had been nothing between them was a large part of it. She might be angry with him still, but he had fully intended to confront her about it - until she began to talk.

He had a moment of sheer confusion; he felt wrong-footed. He's expected an argument. Shouting. More accusations. What he had not anticipated was for her to simply come out with it.

Now, he had to scour his mind for something appropriate to say. She was too trusting. The petition for release request - similar to a request he had made so long ago - was absurd. She was overwrought, she was tired - and not only due to the past four days. She was overemotional and needed to sleep. And he could tell her none of that without inciting more anger.

Finally, he replied evenly.]There are people who will try to take advantage of any situation when they perceive the opportunity - and some succeed. Coyolxauhqui and Saxon

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

Last time I tried not to play into his theatrics, he almost snapped Judas's neck in front of me. He would have too if I hadn't sedated him.

[Martha shrugged a bit, and she frowned because she was worried about what he'd do now. She also knew that she could play to avoid him all that she wanted, but the ship really wasn't that big and the Master wasn't the sort of person who could ever keep quiet. She took a deep breath and sighed softly, before she dropped down into her chair.]

You should be in bed. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dragged you in here at the moment.

[Her tone was soft, and it was apologetic, but only about the fact that she'd dragged him out of bed, especially when she'd made such a big deal about him not leaving the infirmary in the first place.]

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[He began to reply to her first statement, but her next chafed at him. He had tried to leave, and she'd been angry. He'd stayed and she'd been angry. He'd tried to be understanding, and she'd been angry. He listened when she needed him, and she dismissed him.]

Either I'm your patient or your lover. I came in here on your order; I won't be dismissed so easily.

If you wish to speak, we will now. I made a very grave mistake in lying to you - and I assure you, I recognized it from the outset. I further recognize that I destroyed some level of trust between us, and I waited patiently for some word of you to either wash your hands of me or come back to me. I would have waited longer than I have. I've been civil, I've held my tongue, and I've capitulated to you at every turn save one. If you haven't forgiven me, I will understand.

However, if you have, I'll thank you to stop treating me like an enemy when it suits you.

[This would have been exhausting if he wasn't recovering from the death toll.]

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha just stared at him for a moment, really and truly stared at him. She swallowed, because damn it, this was both his fault and it wasn't and she felt like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in months (it'd been eight days.) And now she knew that every time she'd close her eyes she'd see the look of horror on his face right before the warriors had removed his head. Martha'd been taking cat naps, but the brief instances of her dreams had been filled with those images.]

You're always my lover, Severus, even when you're my bloody patient. And I do love you.

You waited, and I'm sorry, but I needed that time to think and to try to put this into some sort order. I do forgive you, but that doesn't mean that I'm not angry that you tried to do it.

[Martha quickly held her hand up to him, trying to stop what she perceived as a likely interruption.]

I know why you did it, and I understand that, and I know you were trying to spare me, and I know you'd walk into the gates of hell for me I know all of that. And I know I should be so

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[emptyyourself]

[If he had seen this conversation unfolding from an outsider's point of view, he would have wondered why people put themselves through this drama. It was absurd and emotionally exhausting.

Of course, the answer was that she was worth it - every moment of it. He was tired of arguing with her, and wanted it to be over. That probably meant he needed to be the one to back down from this.]

I realize you're afraid; you'd be foolish not to have some sense of self-preservation. I'll be there to protect you whether you believe you need it or not.

[He paused.]

You needn't feel guilty. I deserved it and more. I'll be waiting -

[He began to say "if", but stopped himself.]

- when you're ready.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha frowned when he said that he'd be there to protect her whether she thought she needed it or not. hat was part of the point, really. He'd lied because he thought that it would protect her from this terrible truth, and he'd known it was wrong and it'd blown up in all of their faces.

She didn't want to fight, she didn't want to think, and she just wanted to rewind the clock back eight days and tell him not to talk to the Doctor.]

I am ready. If you weren't in my infirmary with twenty other people, we'd be snuggled up somewhere. Thursday, I imagine.

But if you ever die on me again because of something stupid, I may strangle you.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[Thursday. If it weren't for the present state of affairs, he would have thrilled at the prospect. However, at the moment they were both exhausted - she, probably more than he was - and that, combined with the knowledge that she was as good as her word about throttling him, kept his emotions in check.]

I believe I'll wait another year before I put either of us through this again.

[He glanced from her to the door and back again.]

I've missed you. Dreadfully.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha made a little sigh of relief when he said that it would be another year before he put either of them through that again, and there was a quick smile, because she really didn't want to go through any of this ever again.]

I've missed you too, you know. Even if hadn't been all of this it would have been a very long week. I really don't sleep well without you. Ever.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[He nodded, then smiled rather humorlessly.]

I've been sleeping on that damnable settee.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha just stared at him for a moment, and then she shook her head in an exasperated fashion. She couldn't believe it.]

Why on earth were you sleeping on that thing? Were you doing it punish yourself like some sort of idiot?

[Which was in it's own way, kind of adorable, even if horribly misguided and rather stupid of him.]