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[emptyyourself]

[That last post? He does not remember any of it. Or most of it. Not even the creepy game of horrific death. He doesn't have the journal portion of his journal equipment - just the communicator - and has been sleeping since he made his long, rambling post that will shame him horrifically later

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[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha just stared at him for a moment, really and truly stared at him. She swallowed, because damn it, this was both his fault and it wasn't and she felt like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in months (it'd been eight days.) And now she knew that every time she'd close her eyes she'd see the look of horror on his face right before the warriors had removed his head. Martha'd been taking cat naps, but the brief instances of her dreams had been filled with those images.]

You're always my lover, Severus, even when you're my bloody patient. And I do love you.

You waited, and I'm sorry, but I needed that time to think and to try to put this into some sort order. I do forgive you, but that doesn't mean that I'm not angry that you tried to do it.

[Martha quickly held her hand up to him, trying to stop what she perceived as a likely interruption.]

I know why you did it, and I understand that, and I know you were trying to spare me, and I know you'd walk into the gates of hell for me I know all of that. And I know I should be so much more furious with you but right now all I can think of is how horrible it'd felt to see what happened, It's driving me mental that the thought of losing you is what's overriding all of my good sense where everything else is concerned.

I'm not trying to treat you as an enemy, I'm just tired and scared and all I want to do is crawl into bed with you and not move for a week and I feel guilty for yelling at you to stay when I dragged you in here, because it's not fair to you and right now I just really feel like I'm going through all of the motions and not getting anything productive done because in a few days something else will happen.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[If he had seen this conversation unfolding from an outsider's point of view, he would have wondered why people put themselves through this drama. It was absurd and emotionally exhausting.

Of course, the answer was that she was worth it - every moment of it. He was tired of arguing with her, and wanted it to be over. That probably meant he needed to be the one to back down from this.]

I realize you're afraid; you'd be foolish not to have some sense of self-preservation. I'll be there to protect you whether you believe you need it or not.

[He paused.]

You needn't feel guilty. I deserved it and more. I'll be waiting -

[He began to say "if", but stopped himself.]

- when you're ready.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha frowned when he said that he'd be there to protect her whether she thought she needed it or not. hat was part of the point, really. He'd lied because he thought that it would protect her from this terrible truth, and he'd known it was wrong and it'd blown up in all of their faces.

She didn't want to fight, she didn't want to think, and she just wanted to rewind the clock back eight days and tell him not to talk to the Doctor.]

I am ready. If you weren't in my infirmary with twenty other people, we'd be snuggled up somewhere. Thursday, I imagine.

But if you ever die on me again because of something stupid, I may strangle you.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[Thursday. If it weren't for the present state of affairs, he would have thrilled at the prospect. However, at the moment they were both exhausted - she, probably more than he was - and that, combined with the knowledge that she was as good as her word about throttling him, kept his emotions in check.]

I believe I'll wait another year before I put either of us through this again.

[He glanced from her to the door and back again.]

I've missed you. Dreadfully.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha made a little sigh of relief when he said that it would be another year before he put either of them through that again, and there was a quick smile, because she really didn't want to go through any of this ever again.]

I've missed you too, you know. Even if hadn't been all of this it would have been a very long week. I really don't sleep well without you. Ever.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[He nodded, then smiled rather humorlessly.]

I've been sleeping on that damnable settee.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha just stared at him for a moment, and then she shook her head in an exasperated fashion. She couldn't believe it.]

Why on earth were you sleeping on that thing? Were you doing it punish yourself like some sort of idiot?

[Which was in it's own way, kind of adorable, even if horribly misguided and rather stupid of him.]

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

It had nothing to do with punishment, Martha. I do that well enough without physical penance.

[Unperturbed, he continued neutrally.]

I would rather sleep on the settee you gave me than in my bed, alone.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha frowned rather quickly at that, and she thought back to when he had spoken to her of how regret and redemption and greater measures. For a moment she didn't say anything, but stared at him. A question was forming, but she didn't want to ask it yet. Or possibly ever, at least in part because she didn't want to hear the answer.

But then when he said the second bit, Martha just sighed, softly, and shrugged. She really was head over heels for him. When she spoke, her voice was soft.]

I love you, let's not do this separation thing again. It's bollocks.

[Yes, she knew that she had made the decision both times, but that was beside the point.]

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[The expression on his face suggested he was thinking exactly the same thing about the whole separation bit. If he had his way, he'd have her within arm's reach at all times.]

So it is.

[He motioned to the door.]

I might have made it to my room had you not insisted I stay. I'll settle for reaching the bed now, if you don't mind.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

[Martha nodded, and she quickly moved to rest below his arm in order to support his weight.]

Let's get you back tucked in, then tomorrow we'll let you go back to your room if you want to. I expect I'll be here for a while with just cat naps. Thursday it'll clear out, I expect.

[She leaned over and whispered quickly.] Be glad it's not your chest, did you see the pink bears?

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

[He didn't put his arm around her shoulders; they'd been in here long enough to either be arguing or making up. He didn't want to seem as though whatever it was had been tiring.

People had been given enough information about his personal life to be getting on with.]

I did. If you put one of those anywhere near me, I'd throttle you.

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

You're such a stubborn arse.

[Martha sighed quickly when he wouldn't put his arm on her, and then she shrugged. The words may have had vague hint of a threat in them when she spoke.]

I can get a wheelchair...

But frankly, I'm amazed you didn't ask for one when you were playing your death game.

[Spam]

[emptyyourself]

I'm amazed you apparently sat with us for nearly half an hour and played along. I, at least, had an excuse.

[On impulse, he put one hand on the door to make sure it was fully closed, then pulled her closer and kissed her. If people were going to speculate about their activities in here, he wasn't going to waste it.]

[Spam]

[thegooddrjones]

I was trying to stop you from doing something silly... [And her voice dropped a bit] And letting Arthas win.

[When he pulled her closer to him and kissed her, Martha kissed him back. She kissed him back hungrily, and ardently. This was a kiss that said: I missed you with every part of me and let's never do that again.]