i want you to understand that you don't understand

[elshastorm]

It pisses me off that I feel like I'm doing an injustice to myself by not being upset about stuff that happened to me two years ago. It pisses me off that I force myself to feel this way

Comments

[_kudzu]

::hug::

[elshastorm]

*hugs* Thanks, doll!

♥

[bohemianthief]

*hug*

(Btw, I called. I don't remember if I got through to you -- I think I got your mom -- but I called.)

[elshastorm]

*hugs*

Really? That's really sweet/awesome! I wonder what number you have though because my mom's home number changed and I don't really think that you'd have her cell number.

♥

[bohemianthief]

I think I called your cell. Or got her new cell number from Jessica. Maybe both.

[minorlight]

i'm glad you lived!

[elshastorm]

Thanks!! Me tooooooo!! :)

♥

[d_willrobinson]

"Not understanding" is perhaps my most common state of mind. Through the years, and especially through the struggles, I have become quite comfortable "not knowing." I no longer need some fully coherent system of beliefs which offer explanations for everything. Quite modestly, I can say that I have a brilliant scientific mind, and rather than teaching me that everything has explanations that all need to fit together on some grand scale, it has taught me that there is no grand scale, there are only tiny glimpses and little realizations. Yeah, there is probably more, but the only thing that I can be certain of is that if I believe I have figured it all out, then I am most certainly wrong

[elshastorm]

Regarding most things, I'm ok with not understanding. But with this, I can't help feeling entitled to understand and I think that's what gets to me the most.

I do understand that no one can really see it from my perspective and despite how I might try to relay it to others who are willing to listen, it's just not the same. And honestly, I am typically very forgiving. It's unfair and completely nonsensical that I should be pissed off at other people for something that had absolutely nothing to do with them. But sometimes I can't help it.

About the mortality, I usually agree with you. It reminds me that every single moment is really precious. Every single friendship, every single hug, every single everything. But I can't help occasionally re-visiting the past.

I am thankful for the chance too! Thanks! Love!

♥

[d_willrobinson]

The book, The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts changed my life many years ago. I recommend it quite heartily. Some of the references might be a bit dated today, but in general he was a brilliant philosopher for the modern day. As the title implies, he shows a way to deal with how fragile it all is. I imagine any library might have it. It's a quick read. I enjoyed most of his stuff, but this book had the greatest effect on me.

[elshastorm]

Hm. I'll definitely look into that. I've been meaning to read some Alan Watts for quite some time.

♥

[elshastorm]

Oh, that was no problem at all. Definitely did not qualify as a smart-ass remark.

Thanks! I am too! :)

*hugs*

♥