FIC: Weekend Calls, 1/1, PG-13

Feb 27, 2007 06:52

Title: Weekend Calls
Author: Tara Keezer
Fandom: due South
Rating: PG-13 for language
Pairing: Ray K./Fraser
Notes: More of the kid!fic. Follows A Common Life and Another Friday Night. I’m not sure what’s going on with me and angst lately, but we seem to be having a kind of thing going on. 2,900 words.

~*~*~
“Mom?”

“Stanley, is that you?”

“Yeah.” He looked at Ben then closed his eyes. It was enough to know he was there.

“Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, everything’s good. Real good.”

“Lisa, she’s fine?” God, his mom sounded old - her voice was almost as shaky as Grandma Levin’s. When the hell did that happen?

“She’s good. I’m not calling with problems.”

“You aren’t?” She laughed a little. At least, Ray thought she laughed a little. The connection wasn’t as good as he hoped it would be. “I know you must think I’m foolish, fretting like this.”

“I don’t,” he said, the words coming out too sharp and quick. Ben squeezed his shoulder, and Ray dropped his head to touch Ben’s hand. Ray kept his eyes closed. “I understand. I get why you’d worry. I’ll probably be doing the same thing to Lisa in another twenty years.”

“We got the pictures you sent.” She sounded off, which didn’t surprise Ray none. Most of the photos had Lisa with Ben or Ray, and there were a few that had all three of them. He’d told Ben that he wanted her to get used to seeing the three of them as a family before he broke the news.

“Good. You like them?” Lisa started to fuss, and Ray nodded when Ben patted his shoulder one last time. Would have been nice to have him there for the whole call, but Ray figured he could survive the five or ten minutes it would take Ben to get Lisa up from her nap and change her.

“They’re fine, dear.” She hesitated, and Ray waited. “It’s just - there are an awful lot of pictures of Constable Fraser.”

“He’s a corporal now.” Defensive. He was too defensive, and she’d pick up on that, and she’d feel bad if he wasn’t careful. Ray took a deep breath and started again. “Anyway, we live with him, you know? He’s - he takes care of Lisa with me. He’s family.”

“I suppose, but - you’ll be getting your own house soon, won’t you?”

“Um, no.” Ray’s belly clenched tight. “We’re staying with Ben for good, Mom.”

“But what will you do when Constable - when Corporal Fraser wants to get married?”

And here they were. It was zero hour, and Lugnut, whose timing sucked the big one, had Ray’s courage otherwise occupied. Jesus. He took a deep breath, and then he took another one, for good measure.

“About that. About Ben getting married.” Ray’s voice quavered a little, but his mom didn’t say anything. She just took a deep breath of her own, which reminded Ray that no one ever accused Barbara Kowalski of being dumb. A little slow on the uptake sometimes, but never dumb. She still didn’t say anything, and he imagined she was bracing herself for whatever he had to say. He took one more deep breath, thinking third time’s always the charm. “That’s why I called, to talk about that.”

“About what? I don’t understand,” she said, though she had to know something was up with him and Ben, because he’d been dropping hints with every phone call. God. He hoped she was picking up on it, because if this turned out to be a complete surprise, he was fucked. They were fucked - his parents, him and Ben, and especially Lisa, who only had one set of grandparents left.

“Ben is getting married. To me.” His mouth was dry, too dry, and he swallowed hard. When she didn’t say anything to that, he added, “Me and Ben. We’re getting married. That’s why I called. To tell you, and to - to ask you and Dad to come to the wedding.”

Christ. His heart was racing a mile a minute, and if he didn’t get his breathing under control, he was going to hyperventilate himself right out of the conversation. He wanted a drink of water in the worst possible way, but the cord didn’t stretch that long, and damn Ben anyway for not wanting to get a cordless. He wrenched his mind back to the conversation - if there was a conversation, which was in doubt, since she still hadn’t said anything - and he tried to think what else to say. Ray forced himself to breathe normally.

“Mom?”

“I’m sorry, Stanley, I just - I don’t understand.” She probably did understand and was hoping she got it wrong. Where the hell was Ben?

“Me and Ben, we’re a couple. We’re getting married.”

“But - but you’re both men. You can’t get married.” Was that disgust in her voice or confusion? Ray couldn’t tell, and he started to think that maybe he should have talked to his dad first.

“We can. In Canada. It’s legal in Canada.” His heart stopped going so fast, now that the big news was out.

“You don’t like men that way,” she said, and now she sounded a little angry. Anger wasn’t good, but he could deal with it a hell of a lot better than confused hurt. At least, he hoped he could.

“I like Ben that way. I love Ben that way.”

“No. You’re just confused. You’re - you’re still upset about Laura dying, that’s all.”

Ray clenched his jaw hard against what he wanted to say. Her telling him how he felt, that was nothing new. She’d been doing that all his life, so there was no reason to get pissed at her, just because he’d changed and she hadn’t. Keep it cool, he told himself. Keep it cool, keep it calm. Don’t say anything you can’t take back later on.

“I didn’t love Laura that way.” His voice was low and tight. “You know that. I told you that right after I found out she was pregnant.”

“If she hadn’t died, you would have -”

“No. We wouldn’t. Me and Laura didn’t want to get married to each other. Lisa was a surprise, and if it wasn’t for her, I never would have talked to Laura again after we split up.” He spoke firmly, hoping she’d get it this time and knowing she probably wouldn’t. In her own way, his mom was just as stubborn as his dad.

“You might have -”

“No. Please, Mom. Get it out of your head, okay?” Where the hell was Ben? “I didn’t love her that way. Not the way I loved Stella, not the way I love Ben now. I liked Laura, but I didn’t love her, okay?”

“You’re just lonely, is all. Taking care of a baby on your own, it’s hard.”

Ray hunched forward on the chair, propping his elbows on his knees and hiding his head with one arm. His other hand clenched the phone tight enough to leave permanent fingerprints. God. She always did this. One argument didn’t work, try something else. It was no wonder he’d been so good at interrogating suspects; he’d learned from the best.

She continued, “That Fraser, he took advantage -”

“No!” A touch on his shoulder made Ray glance up. Ben looked worried, and Lisa looked like she was trying to figure out if she should cry or not. Ray unclenched his body, and looking straight into Ben’s eyes, he said, “Ben didn’t take advantage. He wouldn’t. He’s not like that, and you know it.”

“Stanley -”

“I love him. I love Ben, okay? I love him, and we’re getting married.”

“That’s not you! You were married to Stella. How can you think of getting married to a -”

“I love him.” That should have stopped her cold. It had when she fussed over him and Stella getting married so young, but Ray cut that line of thought off at the knees. Wasn’t fair to his mom, expecting her to be happy for them.

“You’re not thinking straight. You’re lonely. You - you should move back to Chicago. Hook up with Stella again. You always made such a nice couple.”

Ray froze. It was one thing to be upset over news like this. It was something else to think Ray could just pick up and leave Ben behind without a second glance. How could she believe he was capable of that? Had he said or done something that made her think he could turn his back on people he loved? Jesus. Maybe she thought that thing with his dad was all on Ray’s head?

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

He couldn’t think about that. Not now. That was for another argument, not for the one in front of him. Instead, Ray latched onto the other thing she’d said that didn’t make any kind of sense.

“Stella? She’s married. What makes you think I would -” Would leave Ben. Would have an affair with a married woman. Would want anything to do with Stella after the way she - Lisa whimpered a little, and Ray waved Ben away. No reason to upset the baby, and he wasn’t sure he could keep his voice down. Ben ignored him - big surprise - and put Lisa in her playpen before sitting on the coffee table in front of Ray.

“I heard from her the other day. She and that Vecchio, they’re splitting up.” This was news to Ray, and he had to believe it was news to Stella, too. No way Vecchio didn’t call Ben if that kind of shit was going down. His mother kept talking, kept trying to make Ray go along with her. “You could go back to Chicago, and you two could try again. She’d be a good mother -”

“She would not. I like Stella, but mother material, she isn’t, which you know damn good and well.” Where the hell was this coming from?

“Stanley -”

“No. I’m not going to Chicago, and even if Stella and Vecchio are splitting up like you say -” Ben twitched and looked vaguely guilty, so maybe they were getting divorced after all. Didn’t matter. As Stella would say, it wasn’t German to the topic at hand. Ray swallowed hard and continued, “I’m sure as hell not getting together with her again. I already been around that block once, and it was enough. I’m staying in Canada, and I’m marrying Ben.”

“Stanley!”

“I can’t talk to you right now,” he said, his throat starting to ache from his refusal to cry. “I can’t talk without saying something bad, so I’m going to say goodbye. I’ll send you and Dad an invitation. I hope the two of you can make it up here come June. Goodbye, Mom.”

Ray kept tight control of himself as he hung up. If he didn’t, he would probably throw the phone against the wall and shatter it. Not a good idea. Neither was hanging around the house. Still tight, still controlled, he stood up to go to the back door, only to be stopped by Ben.

“I gotta walk.”

“No.” Ben pulled Ray into his arms and started rubbing his back slowly. “You need to stay here. With us.”

“I’m too pissed.”

“Hurt.”

“Angry.”

“Hurt.”

“Furious.”

“Hurt.”

Ray’s breath hitched. Ben and Stella were the only two people in the world who could get him to cry when he didn’t want to, and now was no exception. He dropped his head on Ben’s shoulder and said, “Hurt.”

~~

When the phone rang a couple of hours later, Ray stared at it then stared at Ben and said, “I can’t.”

“Understood.”

He left Lisa on the couch with Ray and picked up the phone. “Fraser and Kowalski residence. Corporal Benton Fraser speaking.”

There was a long pause, and then Damian Kowalski said, “That’s right. You got promoted.”

“Yes, Mr. Kowalski. I did.”

Before this morning’s phone call to Barbara Kowalski, Ben would have made an effort to ease the conversation along, to move it from awkward to comfortable. At the moment, however, he was still too raw from comforting Ray to feel inclined to be helpful to either of Ray’s parents.

“Is Ray there?”

Ben raised his eyebrows at Ray, who shook his head and turned away from Ben.

“He’s not available to come to the phone.”

There was another pause, and Ben waited patiently as he listened to the clicks and whooshes of a long distance connection. Either Mr. Kowalski would speak with him or he wouldn’t. Ben couldn’t bring himself to care one way or the other.

“Barbara, she told me -” Ben waited. Mr. Kowalski would have to say it out loud. “She said something about Ray getting married.”

“That’s correct, sir.”

Answer only the question before you. Don’t anticipate, don’t volunteer. It wasn’t a method of communication that came naturally to Ben Fraser, but Corporal Fraser was quite adept at the technique.

“To you?”

“To me what, sir?”

Cruel, perhaps, but so was the Kowalskis’ treatment of their son, though he shouldn’t blame them for that. It was a hazard of being a parent, one borne from loving a child too much to allow him to be himself. He and Ray would no doubt cause Lisa similar pain, though he hoped that they would make their own mistakes, rather than repeating the mistakes of their parents.

“Ray’s getting married to you?” Damian Kowalski’s voice broke at the end, and it was enough to remind Ben that Ray’s parents were working through their own shock. Ben resolved to soften his approach to the conversation.

“Yes, sir. In June, to take advantage of the warm weather. We hope you and Mrs. Kowalski will come up.”

“You -” Mr. Kowalski cleared his throat. “You’re not getting married in the Church.”

“The Catholic church?” At Mr. Kowalski’s confirmation, Ben said, “No, we’re not. Aside from the fact that Ray is divorced, the Church refuses to sanction same-sex marriage, no matter what civil law allows.”

“Can you blame them?” Argumentative, which was only to be expected.

“The Church views marriage as a sacrament with one purpose - procreation. Same-sex couples are unable to conceive together, so by that logic, the Church’s stance is entirely reasonable.”

Ben found it easy to keep an even tone with Mr. Kowalski. Despite Mrs. Kowalski’s unfortunate reaction, Ben wanted very much to maintain a good relationship with them both, not only for Ray’s sake, but for Lisa’s as well.

“So you can’t get married in a church.”

“I didn’t say that.” Mr. Kowalski remained silent. “Pastor Douglas has asked to perform the ceremony.”

“Pastor? What kind of church?”

“Lutheran.” Ben caught Ray’s eye and winked. “In fact, it was Pastor Douglas who pointed out that Ray and I were setting a bad example for the youth of the community by failing to formalize our relationship.”

“Huh?”

“He told us to stop living in sin and get married.”

Granted, Jack Douglas had done so when he and Ray were simply friends with no view to changing their relationship, but Mr. Kowalski didn’t need to know that. And whatever guilt Ben might have felt over the lie of omission disappeared in the face of Ray’s quiet laughter.

“He did?”

“He did.”

Ben waited as Mr. Kowalski absorbed that piece of information. He was well aware of the conservative bent of Arizona’s citizens, and he had no doubt that news of a mainstream pastor encouraging two men to marry was a bit of a shock to Mr. Kowalski’s system. Less of a shock, however, than finding out his son intended to marry a man.

“Barbara, she’s taking this hard.”

“I know she is.” Ray’s reaction after his call to her was proof of that.

“Yeah. You probably do.” Mr. Kowalski cleared his throat. “Don’t get me wrong, because I can’t say I’m happy about this, but I can’t go through that again.”

Ben frowned. “Through what, sir?”

“Not talking to Ray. I can’t do that. Not again. Barbara -” His voice broke again. “Barbara, she doesn’t know how hard it is. She thinks she can cut him out of her life, no problem. She can’t, but she doesn’t know, and maybe that’s my fault for not letting her see how much it hurt.”

“Mr. Kowalski, I -”

“Dad.”

“Sir?”

“You’re marrying my boy, that means you’ll be my son-in-law.” Ben tried to speak, but his throat was too tight at the moment. “I’ll talk to Barbara. Try to get her to understand. Maybe it’ll work, maybe not. I’ll be there in June, either way, you hear?”

“Yes, sir.”

And wasn’t that, as Ray would say, a kick in the head. They’d both been convinced that Barbara would be more accepting.

“Yes, Dad.”

“Yes - Dad.” At that, Ray’s head shot up, his face filled with hope, but Ben held up his hand as he listened to Damian Kowalski’s parting comments. He couldn’t possibly mean - Dear God! When Damian finished speaking, Ben felt faint. “I understand. I’ve no doubt that you - well. We’ll speak next week. Goodbye.”

Ben hung up, and Ray started speaking immediately. “He told you to call him Dad?”

“Yes -”

“What about Mom?”

“He’ll talk to her, but he made no promises.” Ben leaned heavily against the wall as he considered what he’d been told.

“But he said to call him Dad, right?” At Ben’s weak nod, Ray caught him up in a tight hug. “It’s cool! Dad’s okay with it. He wasn’t, he’d have you calling him Mr. Kowalski.”

After a moment, Ray loosened his hold on Ben. “What’s wrong? What else did he say?”

“He said -” Ben was dismayed over how hard he had to work to get the words out. “He - Does he really know someone who would rip off my head and urinate on my brain if I should hurt you?”

“Uh -” Ray thought about it for a moment. “Maybe?”

Dear God!

kid!fic, due south, slash

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