FIC: A Common Life, 1/1, PG-13 for language
Title: A Common Life
Author: Tara Keezer
Rating: PG-13 for language
Fandom: due South
Notes: Ray K/Fraser (sort of); thanks to llassah for the very speedy beta. 4,000 words and change. While there is a child in this fic, she’s seven months old and has absolutely no dialogue (mostly because I suck at kid!speak). Also, feedback is my crack.
Summary: All that’s missing is the paperwork.
“...agnetti was -”
“Jesus!” Fraser looked up to see Ray scowling in the doorway. “A Lou Skagnetti story? She’s only seven months old. What the hell did she do to deserve that?”
Ray’s reaction was going a bit too far, in Fraser’s opinion. “Lou Skagnetti stories are -”
“Torture. Pure and simple.” Ray shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the hook next to the back door. He held out his hands as he approached Fraser and said, “Gimme.”
Sighing, Fraser handed Lisa over. “I wasn’t punishing her.”
“Sure you were,” Ray said matter-of-factly, getting the words out just before Lisa gave him a wet, open-mouthed kiss on the cheek. “Is it my imagination, or is she drooling more than usual?”
“I think her first tooth might finally be coming in.” Fraser stood up and left the kitchen chair where it was so Ray could sit down. “She isn’t overly fussy yet, though it’s only a matter of time. As for the Lou Skagnetti story -”
Ray looked up with narrowed eyes. “She peed on you, didn’t she?”
“No. Well. Yes, but -”
“She get you in the nose again?”
“No, the eye. But Ray -”
Ray wasn’t listening. Instead, he held Lisa up so she was eye level with him, and he said very seriously, “Okay, Lugnut -”
“That’s a horrible nickname,” Fraser said without turning from the refrigerator. It was an ongoing argument, and one he didn’t feel comfortable giving in on. “She won’t thank you for it later on.”
“She won’t thank me for anything later on.” At that, Fraser turned just in time to see Ray stick out his tongue at him. “Gotta get my licks in while I can.”
“I really don’t understand why you feel the need to develop an adversarial relationship with her before she’s even said her first word.” Fraser turned back to the refrigerator. “Is leftover stew all right with you?”
“Sure. But not leftover biscuits. Those things don’t keep so good.”
“Understood.” Fraser pulled the stew out and set it on the counter, listening to Ray with half an ear.
“Anyway, Lugnut -” There was a significant pause, and when Fraser didn’t jump to the bait, Ray continued, “You gotta make bladder control a priority, ‘cause if you don’t, Uncle Fraser’s got lots more of these stories to drag out, and trust me, you don’t want that.”
“Ray!” Fraser turned to find Ray, thoroughly unrepentant, grinning at him. He shook his head slightly and bent down to check the firebox of the stove. The fire was burning nicely, so he closed the door and pulled a pot from the cupboard.
“Gotcha.” Ray turned his attention back to his daughter. “What you really want is to get on his good side, ‘cause then he’ll teach you stuff like whittling and dog sledding. So no more peeing on Uncle Fraser. Got it?”
Lisa let out a happy noise then fell forward toward Ray’s face. Just before they knocked heads, Ray lifted her high above him, earning a full laugh from her in the process. It was her favorite game, one she played willingly with both her father and Fraser. His throat tightened slightly, and Fraser turned away, telling himself he really needed to get dinner started.
After a few minutes of more squealing and giggling, Ray asked, “How was your first day of vacation? You manage to keep from goin’ to the Detachment?”
“I stayed home today, in order to avoid the temptation,” Fraser said dryly.
“Musta been hard.”
“Not particularly.” With the stew warming slowing on stovetop, Fraser turned his attention to making biscuits. “Sergeant Campbell told me that if I showed up within one hundred feet of the building during my scheduled time off, he would have me arrested, and I would spend my vacation in jail.”
That surprised a laugh out of Ray, and Fraser was glad to hear it. “You’re joking. Tell me you’re joking.” When Fraser shook his head, Ray asked, “On what charges?”
“He wasn’t specific, though he did suggest that Judge Campbell might be able to think of something suitable.” As expected, that triggered a bigger laugh from Ray. Fraser looked back and gave him a small, tight smile.
“Not much fun when your boss is married to the district judge, huh?”
“Not especially, no.” Fraser thought he’d kept the disappointment out of his voice, but Ray’s next words put lie to that delusion.
“Hey - you’re really upset about this, huh?” Fraser heard the scrape of the kitchen chair as Ray stood up. The next moment, Ray was gently rubbing Fraser’s back while Lisa leaned forward to see what Fraser was doing. “Come on. You know you gotta take time off. Everyone does.”
“I know. It’s just -” Fraser shook his head, impatient with himself and the turn of the conversation. It had been fairly lighthearted up until then, and he wanted to recapture that ease of communication between them. “I’m being ridiculous.”
“Maybe so, maybe not. If they’d given you any warning, you could’ve thought of something to do, right?”
Fraser gave Ray a sharp glance at that, because he did have a point. “You might be right.”
“’Course I am,” he answered complacently, earning himself an eye roll from Fraser. Ray laughed and patted Fraser on the shoulder. “The sooner you accept I’m always right, the sooner you’ll be a happy man.”
“Naturally.” Fraser finished mixing the biscuit dough and started rolling it out. “As it turns out, I did give some thought as to how I might occupy myself for the next month.”
“Oh yeah?” Ray was at the refrigerator, looking in. “Wanna finish the last of Mary’s pickles tonight? Or are you in the mood for beets?”
“Beets, I think.” Fraser floured the dough then folded it up to roll it out once more.
“So what are you thinkin’?”
“This would be a good time to frame in another bedroom. Lisa will need her own at some -”
“Fraser, whoa! Slow down some, will you? I told you we’d get our own place, just as soon as I got all my i’s dotted and t’s crossed with Immigration.” Ray spoke quickly, his words tripping over themselves.
“I know, but, Ray -”
“And I’m getting there, I swear to you! Mrs. Ellis called last Friday, and she said my paperwork looked good, real good.”
“You told me, but, Ray-” Fraser gave up on the dough for the moment to try to slow Ray down.
“She likes the idea of me doing the fix-it thing, and she’s even gonna help me talk to the right people about -”
“Ray.”
“- gettin’ everything set up with Canada Revenue -”
“Ray!”
“What?” Ray looked far more anxious than he should.
“Ray, I like having you and Lisa here.”
“You - huh?”
Fraser shook his head. They’d known one another ten years now, and they were still capable of missing each other’s point entirely. “I like having you and Lisa live here. I prefer it, in fact, which is one reason I’d like to get a bedroom built for her.”
“Really? You like us here?” Ray seemed to relax a little.
“Very much so. If it makes you feel better, I can set you up as a tenant, but it’s not necessary, not as far as I’m concerned.” At that moment, Lisa blew a wet raspberry in Ray’s ear, breaking the tension in the room.
“Fraser -” Or perhaps not. Fraser bit back a sigh and waited. “Are you sure about this? I mean, she was already sleeping pretty good through the night when we showed up here. If she’s teethin’ like you think, she ain’t gonna be so cute and cuddly ever again.”
“I hardly think that’s the case.” The immediate crisis over, Fraser turned back to the biscuits. “It won’t take long for her baby teeth to come in, and then -”
“And then she’ll be hittin’ the terrible twos, and after that, she’ll be talkin’ a blue streak, probably worse than you and me combined, and before you know it, she’s sneakin’ cigarettes with the worst kid in town and -”
“Ray!” Remarkably, Fraser was able to get his attention immediately. “Don’t you think we can at least get her through teething before we start considering how best to lock her in her room? The room, I might emphasize, which I would like to frame and build before winter arrives?”
Ray blinked a few times. “Okay. Yeah. That works. But are you sure about this? Really sure?”
“I -” With the dough finally ready to be cut and baked, Fraser wiped his hands absently on a dish cloth and opened the drawer to his left. He pulled out a biscuit cutter and started using it as he spoke. “Until you and Lisa arrived, I hadn’t realized how lonely I’d become after Diefenbaker left. Having you here - coming home to the two of you - I feel like I have a family again.”
Neither of them spoke while Fraser put the biscuits on a cookie sheet and put them in the oven. Several minutes went by before Ray said, “It’s a big commitment.”
“Not particularly.” Fraser turned and faced Ray again, but Ray’s face was down, his focus on Lisa.
“People are gonna talk.”
At that, Fraser’s face heated quickly from the neck up. He was certain he was bright red, and really, why shouldn’t he be? After the conversation he’d had earlier, embarrassment was only to be expected. Fraser rubbed his eyebrow. “About that.”
“About what?” Ray looked up. “What?”
“People are already talking, I’m afraid.” Fraser hadn’t wanted to bring it up - not before he had finished the addition, at any rate. By then, he could point out to the local gossips that Ray and Lisa each had their own room, and that Ray was a tenant, nothing more.
“I knew that already. Didn’t know you did.” Ray spoke so calmly that Fraser had to give him a second look. “Come on, Frase. Your old partner from Chicago shows up with a kid and without a word of warning and moves in with you. What did you think they were gonna do?”
“I thought they would speculate about Laura, not about our relationship.” Perhaps Fraser had been naïve, but he honestly thought the whereabouts of Lisa’s mother would have provided more grist for the rumor mill than where, exactly, Ray Kowalski spent his nights.
“They do that too, but she ain’t here. It’s more fun to wonder about you and me.” Ray was certainly taking this more calmly than Fraser had earlier, but it was clear to Fraser that Ray wasn’t aware of just how far the conversations in town had gone.
“You don’t understand.”
“So. Explain.”
Fraser opened his mouth once and then again, suddenly uncertain how to proceed. After another hesitation, he drew a deep breath and spoke quickly. “Pastor Douglas was by to visit today. Initially, I thought it was a social call, but in reality, he stopped by to tell me that you and I were setting a very bad example for the young people of the community.”
Ray stared at Fraser for a long moment, shaking his head slightly. “Jack said that? No way. No fuckin’ way he’s a gay basher.”
“Language, Ray!” Fraser looked at Lisa rather pointedly.
“Fuck that. She’s gonna hear a lot worse outta my mouth before she hits eighteen.” Ray started pacing around the small kitchen. “Jack. I can’t fuckin’ believe it.”
Fraser reached out quickly and snagged Ray’s arm to stop him. “Ray, that wasn’t the point of the visit. He isn’t homophobic.”
“He’s not?”
“No.”
“Then what’s with the bad example bullshit?”
Fraser considered mentioning that Ray’s language was a case in point, but that was already an ongoing argument and not particularly relevant to the conversation at hand. “He’s more concerned that we’re living together in sin.”
“Huh? But you just said -”
“Marriage, Ray.” Fraser let that word sink into Ray’s mind for a moment then added. “He wants to know why we haven’t made plans to get married. He feels it’s important for committed couples to set a good -” He stopped speaking when Ray burst out laughing. “Ray.” Fraser shook his head in dismay and took Lisa from Ray’s arms so he could double over without fear of dropping her. After another moment, Fraser tried again. “Ray.”
It was no use. Ray was far too lost in his own amusement to hear anything Fraser had to add. Instead, Fraser looked at Lisa, who was watching her father with wide eyes. Fraser bounced her slightly and got her attention.
“Your father obviously has a hole in his bag of marbles. Let’s get your chair set up, shall we?”
Ray’s snorting laughter started to settle down just as Fraser settled Lisa down at the table. “Jesus. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.”
Fraser gave him what he thought of as his best repressive look then sighed as Ray shrugged it off. “It’s easy for you to laugh. You didn’t have to sit there, trying to explain why it was unnecessary for us to go to premarital counseling, all the while knowing he thought I was trying to hide us in the wardrobe.”
“Yeah, yeah. Okay. And it’s closet, not wardrobe.” Ray laughed again, though this time, it wasn’t the out-of-control guffaws and snorts Fraser had just been treated to. “I get it. I’ll talk to Jack tomorrow. Set him straight.”
“Thank you!” Fraser moved to the stove and checked the biscuits. He estimated another three minutes would do the trick.
“Huh.”
Without turning around, Fraser asked, “What?”
“It’s just - Nah. Nothing.” After a brief pause, Ray spoke again. “It’s just - maybe Jack’s got the right idea.”
Fraser stumbled in his haste to turn around and look at Ray. “What?”
“This marriage thing. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea.” Fraser looked closely at Ray, watching for the telltale signs that Ray was pulling his knee. When he didn’t find them, he started shaking his head. Ray spoke quickly. “Think about it, Fraser, we get married, and a lot of problems go away.”
“Ray! You can’t be serious.”
“I’m dead serious.” Ray put up his hands. “Just hear me out, okay?”
“It’s a ridiculous notion. I can’t believe you would -” Fraser stopped speaking, unable to express just how he felt at that moment.
Ray didn’t give Fraser a chance to dig in. “One, the whole immigration issue is bye-bye. I’m your spouse, I get automatic citizenship. Two, we get married, that means you can adopt Lisa. Three, you adopt Lisa, I don’t have to have any more nightmares about what happens to her if anything happens to me.”
At the last, Fraser asked, “Nightmares? Why are you having nightmares?”
“Come on, Frase. You saw those letters from Laura’s cousins, goin’ on about how she’s damned and Lisa is too, because we weren’t married when Lisa was born. You honestly think I want people like that raisin’ my kid?” The vein on Ray’s temple was prominent and pulsing slightly. “Laura told me how it was with her family. It’s why she never told them about me. I never would’ve talked to them at all if she hadn’t died, but I thought maybe they’d go to her funeral or something.” Ray fell silent for a moment, and Fraser caught his breath at the pain in Ray’s eyes. “I won’t let those people have her if something happens to me. No way.”
“Surely, your family -”
“My folks are pushin’ seventy. You think I’m sending Lisa to them? No way.” Ray started pacing again. “I’m tellin’ you, Frase, you and me gettin’ married would solve a lot of problems.”
Fraser started to nod, then recalled himself abruptly. “I won’t deny that, but aren’t you forgetting one rather large obstacle to our vows?”
Perhaps if Ray hadn’t looked so genuinely confused when he asked, “What obstacle?” Fraser might have been somewhat more patient in his response.
“You aren’t gay,” he snapped. And then Fraser turned back to the stove, intending to retrieve the biscuits, because as far as he was concerned, the conversation was at an end.
“So?”
Fraser nearly dropped the cookie sheet but managed to save most of the biscuits. Only two landed on the floor, and as soon as the rest were safely on the countertop, he bent down to retrieve them and throw them away. He used the time to calm himself down, so that when he faced Ray again, he did so with what he hoped was a neutral expression on his face rather than the anger he actually felt.
For a full minute, Fraser and Ray stared at each other before Ray started fidgeting slightly. That was when Fraser spoke. “I take it, then, that you expect our marriage to be free of physical intimacy?”
At that, a dull flush rose on Ray’s face. “I didn’t mean -”
“Then what did you mean? You can’t possibly think you’d be able to have a girlfriend on the side - not in this town - do you?” Fraser thought it was obvious from the way Ray ducked his head that he must have believed exactly that. “You haven’t thought this through.”
“Of course not,” Ray bit out. “We only started talkin’ marriage two minutes ago. Who had time to think it out?”
“I did. And since I made it quite clear that I attempted to deflect Pastor Douglas from his line of thought, you should have trusted my judgment in the matter.” Fraser tried to maintain his stern disapproval, but it disappeared in the face of Ray’s sudden disappointment. “I’m sorry, Ray. I can’t be the kind of husband you seem to expect.”
Ray smiled a little at that. “Talk about a sentence I never thought anyone would say to me.”
“I know you’re concerned about Lisa’s future, but there’s no reason to believe you won’t find a woman to love up here.”
“Been here three months, and I ain’t found one yet I want to date,” he said with a shrug.
“To be fair, they all think you and I are in a committed relationship.” Fraser checked the stew and found that it was sufficiently heated. “Have a seat. Dinner’s ready.” He pulled out bowls and spoons for them and set the table, adding, “Once we correct their misconceptions, the single women in town may choose to make themselves more appealing to you.”
“Probably won’t do much good,” Ray said. Fraser put the food on the table and sat down, only to find himself the subject of Ray’s scrutiny. “You know, you made one hell of a big assumption just now.”
Frowning, Fraser put a bit of stew into a small bowl and started shredding the meat as finely as he could. “What are you talking about?”
“When you said I’m not gay, you made it sound like I’m not bent at all.”
He finished reducing the stew to something Lisa could safely swallow and pushed her bowl to Ray, who accepted it automatically and started feeding Lisa. Fraser watched for a moment then answered. “In all the time I’ve known you, Ray, you’ve never once indicated that you were sexually interested in a man.”
“Sure I did.”
“You did not!”
Ray turned back to Fraser, pointing at him with the baby spoon. “Did I or did I not ask you within days of meeting you whether or not you thought I was attractive?”
“You were suffering an identity crisis!”
“One brought on by you,” Ray muttered. “I’m not sayin’ I’m bent all that much. I’m just sayin’ that if I was to want to maybe see if I could get into that kind of thing, you’d be the one I’d want to show me the ropes.”
Fraser shut his mouth after a moment, though he suspected it would likely gape open again before the night was through. “Good God, Ray!”
“What?” He sounded defensive, which was as he should, as far as Fraser was concerned.
“If that’s your approach to women, it’s no wonder you haven’t been able to find a date.” Fraser busied himself with his stew, bewildered by how the day had gone from reasonably normal to reasonably insane in such a short period of time. Granted, Pastor Douglas’s visit hadn’t been expected, but Fraser could understand the concern that drove him to speak. Ray’s responses, however, had been so far from expected that Fraser wondered for a brief moment if a döppleganger had somehow taken Ray’s place.
Thankfully, Ray simply rolled his eyes and changed the subject. Fraser went along with him gladly, eager to talk of other things and get their relationship back to more familiar territory. By the end of the meal, Fraser was in a better frame of mind and could, with a bit of effort, see a small glimmer of humor in the situation.
When Ray got up to do the dishes, Fraser offered to give Lisa her bath. “Yeah, sure. You do that. Thanks.”
Fraser paused before picking Lisa up. “Ray - about earlier -”
“Later, okay? Let’s get Lisa to bed first.”
With little else to say, Fraser nodded once and took Lisa to the bathroom. Several times during the next two hours, he started to speak, but Ray simply held up a hand and said, “Later,” without ever looking directly at Fraser. By the time Ray put Lisa down for the night, Fraser’s nerves had been wound far too tightly for almost too long.
“Ray -” Again, Ray put up his hand, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he went to the stereo and put on a CD. “Ray?”
Ray stood in the middle of the living room and looked at Fraser. “I screwed up.”
“What?”
“Earlier. I screwed up. I’m sorry about that.”
“I don’t understand.” It wasn’t that Fraser was confused over the mistakes Ray made. Rather, he was confused over why Ray was apologizing.
“Look - I meant what I said about being a little bent in your direction. It just came out wrong.” Ray took the few steps necessary to close the distance between him and Fraser. “And on top of that, I made it sound like the only reasons for us to get married would be to make my life work right, which was a really stupid thing for me to do.”
Ray held out his hand and Fraser stared at it before putting his own hand in Ray’s. “I’m not sure I -”
“Dance with me, will you?” With that, Ray put his other arm around Fraser’s waist and started moving them in a simple box step.
“I thought I moved like a stick of wood.” The protest was pro forma, and it was the best Fraser could manage as he tried to sort out what Ray was and wasn’t saying.
“You do, kinda, but - Nah. Never mind.”
“Never mind what?”
“Bad joke, guaranteed to piss you off.” Ray pulled Fraser a bit closer and swung them around in a slightly more complicated set of dance moves. “I want you to think seriously about marrying me.”
“We’ve already been over this.”
“Opening round of negotiations is all.” Fraser caught his breath at the intensity in Ray’s expression. “I screwed up that round, but I won’t screw up this one.”
Fraser swallowed hard. “Explain.”
“You and me, there’s always been a little something extra between us, and you know it, so don’t pull that crap again about me not being interested.”
“I -” Fraser nodded tightly. “Very well. I won’t.”
“Good.” Ray’s movements slowed down, softened, and Fraser found himself loosening up more than he expected. “All I’m asking is that you give me a chance to maybe prove we could be okay together. A real married couple, right down to the sex.”
“Ray -”
Fraser never did remember Ray’s head turning. It must have, otherwise they wouldn’t have been kissing the next moment and for several moments afterward. He did, however, remember the look on Ray’s face when they finally ended the kiss. Defiance and bravado were present in equal measure, but both were outweighed by the surprised wonder in Ray’s eyes.
“You were sayin’ something, Frase?”
He cracked his neck before answering. “Perhaps you should put off speaking to Pastor Douglas.”
“You think maybe?”
“I think maybe.”
Author: Tara Keezer
Rating: PG-13 for language
Fandom: due South
Notes: Ray K/Fraser (sort of); thanks to llassah for the very speedy beta. 4,000 words and change. While there is a child in this fic, she’s seven months old and has absolutely no dialogue (mostly because I suck at kid!speak). Also, feedback is my crack.
Summary: All that’s missing is the paperwork.
“...agnetti was -”
“Jesus!” Fraser looked up to see Ray scowling in the doorway. “A Lou Skagnetti story? She’s only seven months old. What the hell did she do to deserve that?”
Ray’s reaction was going a bit too far, in Fraser’s opinion. “Lou Skagnetti stories are -”
“Torture. Pure and simple.” Ray shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the hook next to the back door. He held out his hands as he approached Fraser and said, “Gimme.”
Sighing, Fraser handed Lisa over. “I wasn’t punishing her.”
“Sure you were,” Ray said matter-of-factly, getting the words out just before Lisa gave him a wet, open-mouthed kiss on the cheek. “Is it my imagination, or is she drooling more than usual?”
“I think her first tooth might finally be coming in.” Fraser stood up and left the kitchen chair where it was so Ray could sit down. “She isn’t overly fussy yet, though it’s only a matter of time. As for the Lou Skagnetti story -”
Ray looked up with narrowed eyes. “She peed on you, didn’t she?”
“No. Well. Yes, but -”
“She get you in the nose again?”
“No, the eye. But Ray -”
Ray wasn’t listening. Instead, he held Lisa up so she was eye level with him, and he said very seriously, “Okay, Lugnut -”
“That’s a horrible nickname,” Fraser said without turning from the refrigerator. It was an ongoing argument, and one he didn’t feel comfortable giving in on. “She won’t thank you for it later on.”
“She won’t thank me for anything later on.” At that, Fraser turned just in time to see Ray stick out his tongue at him. “Gotta get my licks in while I can.”
“I really don’t understand why you feel the need to develop an adversarial relationship with her before she’s even said her first word.” Fraser turned back to the refrigerator. “Is leftover stew all right with you?”
“Sure. But not leftover biscuits. Those things don’t keep so good.”
“Understood.” Fraser pulled the stew out and set it on the counter, listening to Ray with half an ear.
“Anyway, Lugnut -” There was a significant pause, and when Fraser didn’t jump to the bait, Ray continued, “You gotta make bladder control a priority, ‘cause if you don’t, Uncle Fraser’s got lots more of these stories to drag out, and trust me, you don’t want that.”
“Ray!” Fraser turned to find Ray, thoroughly unrepentant, grinning at him. He shook his head slightly and bent down to check the firebox of the stove. The fire was burning nicely, so he closed the door and pulled a pot from the cupboard.
“Gotcha.” Ray turned his attention back to his daughter. “What you really want is to get on his good side, ‘cause then he’ll teach you stuff like whittling and dog sledding. So no more peeing on Uncle Fraser. Got it?”
Lisa let out a happy noise then fell forward toward Ray’s face. Just before they knocked heads, Ray lifted her high above him, earning a full laugh from her in the process. It was her favorite game, one she played willingly with both her father and Fraser. His throat tightened slightly, and Fraser turned away, telling himself he really needed to get dinner started.
After a few minutes of more squealing and giggling, Ray asked, “How was your first day of vacation? You manage to keep from goin’ to the Detachment?”
“I stayed home today, in order to avoid the temptation,” Fraser said dryly.
“Musta been hard.”
“Not particularly.” With the stew warming slowing on stovetop, Fraser turned his attention to making biscuits. “Sergeant Campbell told me that if I showed up within one hundred feet of the building during my scheduled time off, he would have me arrested, and I would spend my vacation in jail.”
That surprised a laugh out of Ray, and Fraser was glad to hear it. “You’re joking. Tell me you’re joking.” When Fraser shook his head, Ray asked, “On what charges?”
“He wasn’t specific, though he did suggest that Judge Campbell might be able to think of something suitable.” As expected, that triggered a bigger laugh from Ray. Fraser looked back and gave him a small, tight smile.
“Not much fun when your boss is married to the district judge, huh?”
“Not especially, no.” Fraser thought he’d kept the disappointment out of his voice, but Ray’s next words put lie to that delusion.
“Hey - you’re really upset about this, huh?” Fraser heard the scrape of the kitchen chair as Ray stood up. The next moment, Ray was gently rubbing Fraser’s back while Lisa leaned forward to see what Fraser was doing. “Come on. You know you gotta take time off. Everyone does.”
“I know. It’s just -” Fraser shook his head, impatient with himself and the turn of the conversation. It had been fairly lighthearted up until then, and he wanted to recapture that ease of communication between them. “I’m being ridiculous.”
“Maybe so, maybe not. If they’d given you any warning, you could’ve thought of something to do, right?”
Fraser gave Ray a sharp glance at that, because he did have a point. “You might be right.”
“’Course I am,” he answered complacently, earning himself an eye roll from Fraser. Ray laughed and patted Fraser on the shoulder. “The sooner you accept I’m always right, the sooner you’ll be a happy man.”
“Naturally.” Fraser finished mixing the biscuit dough and started rolling it out. “As it turns out, I did give some thought as to how I might occupy myself for the next month.”
“Oh yeah?” Ray was at the refrigerator, looking in. “Wanna finish the last of Mary’s pickles tonight? Or are you in the mood for beets?”
“Beets, I think.” Fraser floured the dough then folded it up to roll it out once more.
“So what are you thinkin’?”
“This would be a good time to frame in another bedroom. Lisa will need her own at some -”
“Fraser, whoa! Slow down some, will you? I told you we’d get our own place, just as soon as I got all my i’s dotted and t’s crossed with Immigration.” Ray spoke quickly, his words tripping over themselves.
“I know, but, Ray -”
“And I’m getting there, I swear to you! Mrs. Ellis called last Friday, and she said my paperwork looked good, real good.”
“You told me, but, Ray-” Fraser gave up on the dough for the moment to try to slow Ray down.
“She likes the idea of me doing the fix-it thing, and she’s even gonna help me talk to the right people about -”
“Ray.”
“- gettin’ everything set up with Canada Revenue -”
“Ray!”
“What?” Ray looked far more anxious than he should.
“Ray, I like having you and Lisa here.”
“You - huh?”
Fraser shook his head. They’d known one another ten years now, and they were still capable of missing each other’s point entirely. “I like having you and Lisa live here. I prefer it, in fact, which is one reason I’d like to get a bedroom built for her.”
“Really? You like us here?” Ray seemed to relax a little.
“Very much so. If it makes you feel better, I can set you up as a tenant, but it’s not necessary, not as far as I’m concerned.” At that moment, Lisa blew a wet raspberry in Ray’s ear, breaking the tension in the room.
“Fraser -” Or perhaps not. Fraser bit back a sigh and waited. “Are you sure about this? I mean, she was already sleeping pretty good through the night when we showed up here. If she’s teethin’ like you think, she ain’t gonna be so cute and cuddly ever again.”
“I hardly think that’s the case.” The immediate crisis over, Fraser turned back to the biscuits. “It won’t take long for her baby teeth to come in, and then -”
“And then she’ll be hittin’ the terrible twos, and after that, she’ll be talkin’ a blue streak, probably worse than you and me combined, and before you know it, she’s sneakin’ cigarettes with the worst kid in town and -”
“Ray!” Remarkably, Fraser was able to get his attention immediately. “Don’t you think we can at least get her through teething before we start considering how best to lock her in her room? The room, I might emphasize, which I would like to frame and build before winter arrives?”
Ray blinked a few times. “Okay. Yeah. That works. But are you sure about this? Really sure?”
“I -” With the dough finally ready to be cut and baked, Fraser wiped his hands absently on a dish cloth and opened the drawer to his left. He pulled out a biscuit cutter and started using it as he spoke. “Until you and Lisa arrived, I hadn’t realized how lonely I’d become after Diefenbaker left. Having you here - coming home to the two of you - I feel like I have a family again.”
Neither of them spoke while Fraser put the biscuits on a cookie sheet and put them in the oven. Several minutes went by before Ray said, “It’s a big commitment.”
“Not particularly.” Fraser turned and faced Ray again, but Ray’s face was down, his focus on Lisa.
“People are gonna talk.”
At that, Fraser’s face heated quickly from the neck up. He was certain he was bright red, and really, why shouldn’t he be? After the conversation he’d had earlier, embarrassment was only to be expected. Fraser rubbed his eyebrow. “About that.”
“About what?” Ray looked up. “What?”
“People are already talking, I’m afraid.” Fraser hadn’t wanted to bring it up - not before he had finished the addition, at any rate. By then, he could point out to the local gossips that Ray and Lisa each had their own room, and that Ray was a tenant, nothing more.
“I knew that already. Didn’t know you did.” Ray spoke so calmly that Fraser had to give him a second look. “Come on, Frase. Your old partner from Chicago shows up with a kid and without a word of warning and moves in with you. What did you think they were gonna do?”
“I thought they would speculate about Laura, not about our relationship.” Perhaps Fraser had been naïve, but he honestly thought the whereabouts of Lisa’s mother would have provided more grist for the rumor mill than where, exactly, Ray Kowalski spent his nights.
“They do that too, but she ain’t here. It’s more fun to wonder about you and me.” Ray was certainly taking this more calmly than Fraser had earlier, but it was clear to Fraser that Ray wasn’t aware of just how far the conversations in town had gone.
“You don’t understand.”
“So. Explain.”
Fraser opened his mouth once and then again, suddenly uncertain how to proceed. After another hesitation, he drew a deep breath and spoke quickly. “Pastor Douglas was by to visit today. Initially, I thought it was a social call, but in reality, he stopped by to tell me that you and I were setting a very bad example for the young people of the community.”
Ray stared at Fraser for a long moment, shaking his head slightly. “Jack said that? No way. No fuckin’ way he’s a gay basher.”
“Language, Ray!” Fraser looked at Lisa rather pointedly.
“Fuck that. She’s gonna hear a lot worse outta my mouth before she hits eighteen.” Ray started pacing around the small kitchen. “Jack. I can’t fuckin’ believe it.”
Fraser reached out quickly and snagged Ray’s arm to stop him. “Ray, that wasn’t the point of the visit. He isn’t homophobic.”
“He’s not?”
“No.”
“Then what’s with the bad example bullshit?”
Fraser considered mentioning that Ray’s language was a case in point, but that was already an ongoing argument and not particularly relevant to the conversation at hand. “He’s more concerned that we’re living together in sin.”
“Huh? But you just said -”
“Marriage, Ray.” Fraser let that word sink into Ray’s mind for a moment then added. “He wants to know why we haven’t made plans to get married. He feels it’s important for committed couples to set a good -” He stopped speaking when Ray burst out laughing. “Ray.” Fraser shook his head in dismay and took Lisa from Ray’s arms so he could double over without fear of dropping her. After another moment, Fraser tried again. “Ray.”
It was no use. Ray was far too lost in his own amusement to hear anything Fraser had to add. Instead, Fraser looked at Lisa, who was watching her father with wide eyes. Fraser bounced her slightly and got her attention.
“Your father obviously has a hole in his bag of marbles. Let’s get your chair set up, shall we?”
Ray’s snorting laughter started to settle down just as Fraser settled Lisa down at the table. “Jesus. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.”
Fraser gave him what he thought of as his best repressive look then sighed as Ray shrugged it off. “It’s easy for you to laugh. You didn’t have to sit there, trying to explain why it was unnecessary for us to go to premarital counseling, all the while knowing he thought I was trying to hide us in the wardrobe.”
“Yeah, yeah. Okay. And it’s closet, not wardrobe.” Ray laughed again, though this time, it wasn’t the out-of-control guffaws and snorts Fraser had just been treated to. “I get it. I’ll talk to Jack tomorrow. Set him straight.”
“Thank you!” Fraser moved to the stove and checked the biscuits. He estimated another three minutes would do the trick.
“Huh.”
Without turning around, Fraser asked, “What?”
“It’s just - Nah. Nothing.” After a brief pause, Ray spoke again. “It’s just - maybe Jack’s got the right idea.”
Fraser stumbled in his haste to turn around and look at Ray. “What?”
“This marriage thing. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea.” Fraser looked closely at Ray, watching for the telltale signs that Ray was pulling his knee. When he didn’t find them, he started shaking his head. Ray spoke quickly. “Think about it, Fraser, we get married, and a lot of problems go away.”
“Ray! You can’t be serious.”
“I’m dead serious.” Ray put up his hands. “Just hear me out, okay?”
“It’s a ridiculous notion. I can’t believe you would -” Fraser stopped speaking, unable to express just how he felt at that moment.
Ray didn’t give Fraser a chance to dig in. “One, the whole immigration issue is bye-bye. I’m your spouse, I get automatic citizenship. Two, we get married, that means you can adopt Lisa. Three, you adopt Lisa, I don’t have to have any more nightmares about what happens to her if anything happens to me.”
At the last, Fraser asked, “Nightmares? Why are you having nightmares?”
“Come on, Frase. You saw those letters from Laura’s cousins, goin’ on about how she’s damned and Lisa is too, because we weren’t married when Lisa was born. You honestly think I want people like that raisin’ my kid?” The vein on Ray’s temple was prominent and pulsing slightly. “Laura told me how it was with her family. It’s why she never told them about me. I never would’ve talked to them at all if she hadn’t died, but I thought maybe they’d go to her funeral or something.” Ray fell silent for a moment, and Fraser caught his breath at the pain in Ray’s eyes. “I won’t let those people have her if something happens to me. No way.”
“Surely, your family -”
“My folks are pushin’ seventy. You think I’m sending Lisa to them? No way.” Ray started pacing again. “I’m tellin’ you, Frase, you and me gettin’ married would solve a lot of problems.”
Fraser started to nod, then recalled himself abruptly. “I won’t deny that, but aren’t you forgetting one rather large obstacle to our vows?”
Perhaps if Ray hadn’t looked so genuinely confused when he asked, “What obstacle?” Fraser might have been somewhat more patient in his response.
“You aren’t gay,” he snapped. And then Fraser turned back to the stove, intending to retrieve the biscuits, because as far as he was concerned, the conversation was at an end.
“So?”
Fraser nearly dropped the cookie sheet but managed to save most of the biscuits. Only two landed on the floor, and as soon as the rest were safely on the countertop, he bent down to retrieve them and throw them away. He used the time to calm himself down, so that when he faced Ray again, he did so with what he hoped was a neutral expression on his face rather than the anger he actually felt.
For a full minute, Fraser and Ray stared at each other before Ray started fidgeting slightly. That was when Fraser spoke. “I take it, then, that you expect our marriage to be free of physical intimacy?”
At that, a dull flush rose on Ray’s face. “I didn’t mean -”
“Then what did you mean? You can’t possibly think you’d be able to have a girlfriend on the side - not in this town - do you?” Fraser thought it was obvious from the way Ray ducked his head that he must have believed exactly that. “You haven’t thought this through.”
“Of course not,” Ray bit out. “We only started talkin’ marriage two minutes ago. Who had time to think it out?”
“I did. And since I made it quite clear that I attempted to deflect Pastor Douglas from his line of thought, you should have trusted my judgment in the matter.” Fraser tried to maintain his stern disapproval, but it disappeared in the face of Ray’s sudden disappointment. “I’m sorry, Ray. I can’t be the kind of husband you seem to expect.”
Ray smiled a little at that. “Talk about a sentence I never thought anyone would say to me.”
“I know you’re concerned about Lisa’s future, but there’s no reason to believe you won’t find a woman to love up here.”
“Been here three months, and I ain’t found one yet I want to date,” he said with a shrug.
“To be fair, they all think you and I are in a committed relationship.” Fraser checked the stew and found that it was sufficiently heated. “Have a seat. Dinner’s ready.” He pulled out bowls and spoons for them and set the table, adding, “Once we correct their misconceptions, the single women in town may choose to make themselves more appealing to you.”
“Probably won’t do much good,” Ray said. Fraser put the food on the table and sat down, only to find himself the subject of Ray’s scrutiny. “You know, you made one hell of a big assumption just now.”
Frowning, Fraser put a bit of stew into a small bowl and started shredding the meat as finely as he could. “What are you talking about?”
“When you said I’m not gay, you made it sound like I’m not bent at all.”
He finished reducing the stew to something Lisa could safely swallow and pushed her bowl to Ray, who accepted it automatically and started feeding Lisa. Fraser watched for a moment then answered. “In all the time I’ve known you, Ray, you’ve never once indicated that you were sexually interested in a man.”
“Sure I did.”
“You did not!”
Ray turned back to Fraser, pointing at him with the baby spoon. “Did I or did I not ask you within days of meeting you whether or not you thought I was attractive?”
“You were suffering an identity crisis!”
“One brought on by you,” Ray muttered. “I’m not sayin’ I’m bent all that much. I’m just sayin’ that if I was to want to maybe see if I could get into that kind of thing, you’d be the one I’d want to show me the ropes.”
Fraser shut his mouth after a moment, though he suspected it would likely gape open again before the night was through. “Good God, Ray!”
“What?” He sounded defensive, which was as he should, as far as Fraser was concerned.
“If that’s your approach to women, it’s no wonder you haven’t been able to find a date.” Fraser busied himself with his stew, bewildered by how the day had gone from reasonably normal to reasonably insane in such a short period of time. Granted, Pastor Douglas’s visit hadn’t been expected, but Fraser could understand the concern that drove him to speak. Ray’s responses, however, had been so far from expected that Fraser wondered for a brief moment if a döppleganger had somehow taken Ray’s place.
Thankfully, Ray simply rolled his eyes and changed the subject. Fraser went along with him gladly, eager to talk of other things and get their relationship back to more familiar territory. By the end of the meal, Fraser was in a better frame of mind and could, with a bit of effort, see a small glimmer of humor in the situation.
When Ray got up to do the dishes, Fraser offered to give Lisa her bath. “Yeah, sure. You do that. Thanks.”
Fraser paused before picking Lisa up. “Ray - about earlier -”
“Later, okay? Let’s get Lisa to bed first.”
With little else to say, Fraser nodded once and took Lisa to the bathroom. Several times during the next two hours, he started to speak, but Ray simply held up a hand and said, “Later,” without ever looking directly at Fraser. By the time Ray put Lisa down for the night, Fraser’s nerves had been wound far too tightly for almost too long.
“Ray -” Again, Ray put up his hand, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he went to the stereo and put on a CD. “Ray?”
Ray stood in the middle of the living room and looked at Fraser. “I screwed up.”
“What?”
“Earlier. I screwed up. I’m sorry about that.”
“I don’t understand.” It wasn’t that Fraser was confused over the mistakes Ray made. Rather, he was confused over why Ray was apologizing.
“Look - I meant what I said about being a little bent in your direction. It just came out wrong.” Ray took the few steps necessary to close the distance between him and Fraser. “And on top of that, I made it sound like the only reasons for us to get married would be to make my life work right, which was a really stupid thing for me to do.”
Ray held out his hand and Fraser stared at it before putting his own hand in Ray’s. “I’m not sure I -”
“Dance with me, will you?” With that, Ray put his other arm around Fraser’s waist and started moving them in a simple box step.
“I thought I moved like a stick of wood.” The protest was pro forma, and it was the best Fraser could manage as he tried to sort out what Ray was and wasn’t saying.
“You do, kinda, but - Nah. Never mind.”
“Never mind what?”
“Bad joke, guaranteed to piss you off.” Ray pulled Fraser a bit closer and swung them around in a slightly more complicated set of dance moves. “I want you to think seriously about marrying me.”
“We’ve already been over this.”
“Opening round of negotiations is all.” Fraser caught his breath at the intensity in Ray’s expression. “I screwed up that round, but I won’t screw up this one.”
Fraser swallowed hard. “Explain.”
“You and me, there’s always been a little something extra between us, and you know it, so don’t pull that crap again about me not being interested.”
“I -” Fraser nodded tightly. “Very well. I won’t.”
“Good.” Ray’s movements slowed down, softened, and Fraser found himself loosening up more than he expected. “All I’m asking is that you give me a chance to maybe prove we could be okay together. A real married couple, right down to the sex.”
“Ray -”
Fraser never did remember Ray’s head turning. It must have, otherwise they wouldn’t have been kissing the next moment and for several moments afterward. He did, however, remember the look on Ray’s face when they finally ended the kiss. Defiance and bravado were present in equal measure, but both were outweighed by the surprised wonder in Ray’s eyes.
“You were sayin’ something, Frase?”
He cracked his neck before answering. “Perhaps you should put off speaking to Pastor Douglas.”
“You think maybe?”
“I think maybe.”