Is it wrong if I like this whole "first date" thing because I get to eat good food?

[eilowyn]

So, went on a first date Saturday night. Now, the interesting thing is the guy I went on a date with had uploaded some . . . unflattering photos of himself to his match.com profile (response to relatives asking if I'm seeing anyone: "no, but I have a match.com account!" /sarcasm), so I wasn't exactly looking forwards to the date. The guy turned out

Comments

[enigmaticblues]

*hugs* I think as long as you're up front about it, there's no reason not to just enjoy going to movies and eating good food. Maybe he wants a movie buddy, too?

When I was doing eHarmony, I was talking to several guys at once, and I even went on a date after my first date with my (now) husband. I think that talking to a variety of people and going out with several can really help in the long run.

And sure, I'd like to be on the filter.

[eilowyn]

Good to know I'm not being a mean, two-timing bitch about this whole thing. I've little to no experience in the dating department, so I've been doing most of this blindly. Thank you so much for all the advice you've been giving me!

[eowyn_315]

Well, I would make sure that he knows you just want a movie buddy, because if he takes your continuing to go out with him as a sign that you're romantically interested, then somewhere down the line it could get awkward and hurtful.

Don't worry about talking to lots of guys, though. It's not playing games, it's just getting to know people. Once you find the one you like, then you can worry about letting the others down easy. :)

Also, I am very intrigued by these patterns with depression and the dating cycle (it's possible I may have something similar going on?), and I'd like to be on the filter and/or part of the community.

[eilowyn]

I'm gonna be clear I'm just looking for a friend right now - I can't see myself in a long-term relationship really because I still plan on going away for grad school in two years, so that's always in the back of my mind when I go on these dates. I worry about the future way too much, so I'm mostly working on finding someone I can be with in the present and leaving the future for the future.

[angearia]

I so feel you on the dating-the-guy-w/o-spark and how it feels like you're kinda using him. I just... can't. There've been a few guys like that, most recently two guys who wanted to do me a favor and fix my car, then take me out to dinner. And in the back of my head I think, "Car being fixed would be AWESOME," and then it occurs to me that I'd be using him for that and I hate that so I can't accept help.

(we have plans to see Black Swan and True Grit next weekend)

CLASSY. Girl, you will love them both, I am sure!

I'm thinking of making like Emmie and doing a managing depression filter

Haha, you know, I think I actually need to make a real Depression Filter too. I was just using my Personal Filter and no doubt there's people on that who might not be likewise interested in my talking candidly about my depression. I like your idea of testing the waters. I think that's cool.

*HUGS*

[eta] And of course I want to be on your depression filter. (Why does typing that look weird?)

[eilowyn]

I figure only a few regular people usually comment on my depressive-me posts, so making a filter with those I trust and people who ask to be on it makes sense. I'm going to see if posting semi-regularly about how I'm handling things stimulates discussion, then decide if we should do this as a community. I'm putting much thought into this, but I'm terrified that my horrid track record with follow-through (and how many unpublished WIPs do I have on my desktop?) will screw this up for other people.

I decided to see him again because we both wanted to see True Grit, mostly on your advice, so if it doesn't work out maybe I can blame you hahaha! No, not really . . .

I'm contemplating writing "a history of me and depression" myself, but so many experiences are similar to yours, I may end up just quoting bits of description you wrote because you got some of the feelings and emotions of depression down so well. Thoughts?

[eilowyn]

I live in a small, rural area where a meet cute JUST WON'T HAPPEN, so it was either match.com or barhopping to meet people and I never wanted to be the kind of person who goes barhopping. It's weird, though, being on match in such a small area - I've found a kid I grew up with and one of my co-workers on match and it's been . . . awkward. Do they know I'm on here? You'd think it's something a bit anonymous that's between you and the potential suitors, but when you know the potential suitors it gets a bit, well, awkward is the best word here.

And yes, the romantic comedy cliches have occurred to me. At least I haven't written "Must Love Dogs" on my profile!

[blackfrancine]

Pfft. Terrible person, schmerrible person. You're not terrible at all... as long as you sleep with him at some point, you'll be fine (I AM TOTALLY KIDDING

[eilowyn]

Don't worry! Your post made me laugh! I think I'm going to try to make it clear to him that I'm just looking for a friend right now, and um . . . keep on looking for someone to be more than a friend while I'm at it? Yes. Terrible person.

I'll be paying for the second date maybe, or going dutch. I'm kinda broke, but this is good for me to go out, right? I'm helping myself . . . and I can always whine and cry and get my daddy to help me pay for my psychiatrist visit.