I wonder if all the things that have happened to me in the past, affect how my personality is now ( Read more... )

that sweetie pie sugar honey everything of mine.
Adrian.

We've gotten so much closer, it's ridiculous. It seems we're getting closer and closer as time passes by. It's...the best. <3I'm going to swim practice soon. Which is good, since i'm gaining weight. Fresno was fun..but there is no doubt that I've gained weight from eating Wendy's and Pizza ( Read more... )

Fresno Tomorrow!

I'm really excited. At the same time..I kind of don't want to go.
I want to be with Adrian, not swimming. Besides, I look like a fat ass.
Ugh. Piss me off. I'm so ugly.

I make myself sick, sick, sick.

And right now..i'm eating.

Which I really shouldn't be doing.

fat shit<---me.

mmm...I'm bloated.

I'm not too angry at myself though.
I've been swimming all day.

Ugh. Im just tired.

Shit.
It's been a fucking long time. I need help ( Read more... )

ive been pretty obsessed lately with cutting myself. My whole arm is filled with scabs and scars from cuts. It started with just a few...but now, its almost become a wonderful feeling. I cant stop inflicting pain on myself. Its been feeling good. It gives me ressurance that im there. I'm not invisible. I can feel. I'm here ( Read more... )

everything would be fine, if ididnt care.

but i do care.

i care about my weight, what people think, my grades, all the sports i play. i careim just another dooche bag. Just another fukin' poser. i dont know anymore. im sick. im so sik of being ( Read more... )

today is such a pretty day. Kinda makes me feel happy. Yup. Today is just one of those days where i wish i didnt have to die.

smoking a cig as we speak. its so beautiful. the smoke just kinda lifts off the cigarrete...milk colored. So light, almost seems pure. haha ( Read more... )

ive decided to kill myself next year, after swim season. Or maybe before, it depends if i suck really badly, considering im thinking bout starting off highschool just completely fucked up ( Read more... )