Spiral: Chapter 12
Title: Spiral
Author: lux_apollo
Rating: NC-17 for one memory of masturbation.
Pairings: Bobby/John
Summary: Bobby sulks and refuses to see anyone. John and Wanda have a fight, also talk about some of the things John has noticed going on lately that are a little wierd. John goes on guard duty and thinks about the past. He remembers his first 'gay moment'.
Notes: Thanks to sarahlu81 and miss_bushido for beta. This fic is cross posted at x_slash and fiery_snowstorm.
[ Prologue | Chapter 1 - NC17 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 ]
Chapter 12
“Bobby, can I come in?”
Jubilee.
Bobby pulled his sheets further over his head. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? He didn’t want to see them. He didn’t want to see anyone. This was all his fault. Bobby didn’t need or want their sympathy.
“God damn it, Bobby! The least you could do is answer me!”
She sounded pissed. And maybe rightly so. Hopefully, pissed enough to leave him alone.
After returning from Boston, Bobby hadn’t left his room. Not since Dr. McCoy had let him out of the medical bay after treating his wounds. Well, except for a couple walks down in the subbasement in the middle of the night when no one but Jones was awake, but that didn’t really count. No one had noticed that, and that was exactly the way Bobby wanted it.
His friends had left him alone for the first couple days after he had told to go away, but two weeks had passed. Bobby didn’t care. He didn’t deserve them. What was most surprising to him was that the teachers were also not bothering him. Maybe the Professor knew more of what had happened to Bobby than he had said when they were debriefed. He probably did, even though Bobby sure as hell hadn’t said much.
But how could he?
Not only had he disobeyed the Professor’s direct instructions, he had also left another student in a potentially fatal situation. He had broken so many of the rules of the X-men it was shameful. The Professor had told everyone that Justin had empathically influenced Bobby’s decisions, but Bobby was certain Justin hadn’t done anything to him. It was a lie. Bobby refused to believe it. Why was the Professor covering for him? Bobby chose to break the rules.
Justin was now a hostage, and it was Bobby’s fault.
It was his fault, and if he had just not listened to Justin and made him leave the campus with him like they were supposed to or at the very least not left him by himself, none of this would have happened. If only Bobby had done what he was supposed to. If only, if only... It was just like with John all over again, only this time it was worse because Justin wasn’t taken by choice. John chose to leave, Justin was-
Bobby wanted nothing more than to disappear from existence.
Only moments after Nightcrawler had teleported Bobby away from his confrontation with John, Magneto had appeared carrying a broken and unconscious Justin along in front of him with his powers. Bobby had felt nauseous. It was his fault that Justin was in this situation now. Magneto told the X-men to withdraw, or he would finish the job of killing the boy. The other X-men were going to try and save Justin, but Professor X had contacted the team and instructed them not to press Magneto. Magneto truly would kill Justin. It wasn’t a bluff.
So they just stood there as Magneto and his Brotherhood cronies took off. Once they were out of sight, Bobby remembered feeling dizzy, and then falling to the ground. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Kitty, Dani and Jubilee had freaked out. Xi’an and Pete had been pretty concerned too. Bobby was glad Rogue had been with the team that went to the West Coast with Cyclops and Jean’s team or he would have never heard the end of it. It turned out that he had just had an anxiety attack. At least, that’s what Dr. McCoy thought happened when he was examining Bobby in the medical bay when they got back.
No big deal. He had just been overwhelmed by the situation.
It was something that happened even to the best of people.
The Professor had tried to have a discussion with Bobby the day after, a sort of post-trauma session to try and work through some of the psychological remnants of the battle. It hadn’t amounted to much. Actually, it only ended up making Bobby feel worse about the situation. Bobby was certain the Professor knew he had withheld a lot of what had gone on. They had been supposed to have another session, but Bobby hadn’t gone. What good was it going to do, anyway? It wouldn’t change anything.
His teachers had been sending homework up to his room with his meals, which Kurt and Kitty had been nice enough to start quietly teleporting or phasing into his room after they discovered that Bobby hadn’t eaten anything for the first three days back.
Bobby did the homework, of course, but mostly he just sat their staring at the walls or at John’s bed or lying on John’s bed or imagining what stupid things John would have said in a half-annoyed voice to get him to stop sulking. Or what Justin would have said. Maybe a random analogy that no one but Justin could make to work. But mostly what John would have said before getting really pissed off and setting something on fire.
More than anything else, though, Bobby slept. He was so tired all the time. It was as if he had never slept before. But he didn’t dream. Not of John, not of Justin, not of anything. He’d just wake up again, still tired and still hating himself.
After all the time he had spent mulling over everything the one thing that bothered Bobby the most was his reaction to John. It wasn’t at all like him to completely lose control of his emotions the way he had. It was one thing to defend yourself and try not to hurt your opponent, but to just completely stop fighting like he had? Maybe that ice boulder that had struck him did more than just give him a minor concussion. Or maybe Bobby wasn’t as ready to move on as he had told Justin earlier that day.
Bobby sighed to himself. He knew the latter was more likely. He knew it the moment he saw John standing there against the truck. Why else would Bobby have tried to flee in the first place?
That had to be one of the weirdest fights ever. Heck, there was almost more talking then fighting. Part of Bobby needed to believe that no matter what, if worst had come to worst, John wouldn’t have killed him. After the fight on Alcatraz, Bobby hadn’t been so sure.
But part of him believed it now. More than believed it. John had backed down instead of torching Bobby when Bobby had let his guard down and given John the perfect chance. Sure John had started beating Bobby with his fists right after that, but that didn’t matter. At least part of John didn’t really want to fight Bobby.
John had kept saying that Bobby hated him. It was as if he had been using it as a shield. Bobby couldn’t bear hearing it, something so far from the truth. Perhaps it was that statement more than anything else that had fueled his resolution not to hurt John. Bobby had broken that shield, though, leaving John’s wounded interior in plain view for Bobby to witness. He had seen it, he had heard it in John’s voice even if it was only for a moment before Nightcrawler had cut Bobby off in the middle of what could possibly have been a ruinous admission. Maybe it was for the best.
Bobby still couldn’t believe that he had tried to tell John that he loved him. But he had been so shaken by the whole meeting, and the sound of John’s voice when he had started to walk away. John had sounded hollow, dead inside. And that sound had scared Bobby to the core. That wasn’t a sound that was part of John. Not the John he knew. John was a fighter. A survivor. He should never sound like that, sound so desolate. In that moment Bobby felt himself seized by an utter desperation to reach John. Never had the loss felt so great.
And now he was right back where he started. No John, and now no Justin either. At this rate, Bobby was going to be a celibate hermit for the rest of his life.
Perhaps it was a fate he deserved.
* * *
Pyro sighed, pouring his morning cup of java. Though, it wasn’t really morning any more. Another sleepless night, finally collapsing out of exhaustion some time after dawn. Four hours in bed. Nightmares. And now he was awake again. Guard duty in a while. Watching ‘the hostage.’
“Glad you finally decided to join the land of the living,” Wanda said, entering the kitchen. John grunted in response.
“My, aren’t we talkative this afternoon.” Wanda smirked. She pulled a few things out of the fridge and began making a sandwich. “What are you up to today?”
“I have guard duty in a bit, but I’m free later tonight. Why?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping you had come up with something better to do than sit around doing nothing all the time.”
“It’s called reading and writing. You could try it sometime,” John said, smiling sarcastically.
Wanda rolled her eyes. “I do enough reading studying those basic medical texts and memorizing all those long incantations and focusing exercises Agatha is having me practice. And writing’s never been my thing. Maybe a good movie that I haven’t seen yet will be on TV tonight.”
“A good movie on TV? Good luck with that.” John chuckled. He took a long drink of his steaming coffee. “I think I’ll just stick with my good old copy of The Picture of Dorion Gray for tonight. I need to remind myself again why I’m not one of the ‘good guys’,” John muttered dully.
Wanda frowned at him, squirting a little more mustard on the sandwich than she had wanted to.
“Don’t tell me we have to have this conversation again. You’re not¬-“
“I know, I know. I’m ‘not evil’. Whatever you say, Wanda,” John interrupted, trying to deflect her.
Wanda sighed. “What’s going on?”
“Am I that transparent?” John asked snidely.
“Yes. I’ve left you alone for two weeks now, but I’m sick of you sulking around here like death warmed over. Will you please just tell me? It’s bad enough when you get like this on the island base, but there’s no space here in this safe house and it’s driving me nuts!”
“Oh, so I’m a problem now?” John asked acerbically.
“No! God damn it, don’t twist my words around. I’m not in the mood to play ring-around-the-rosie for five hours before you actually tell me the truth. Either tell me what the fuck’s the matter with you or go find somewhere else to sulk,” Wanda said, irritated.
Pyro stared her down, biting back the retort that he really wanted to throw in her face. Wanda really could be a bitch when she wanted to. But she cared about him a lot, which was more than he could say for any of the other members of their dysfunctional little band of supervillains. He smoldered for a minute, cooling his temper.
“Three things. First, remember how I wasn’t at the truck when you got there?”
“Yeah. It’s a good thing you got back before Father did, because he was not in a good mood after what happened. What were you doing?”
“Bobby showed up at the truck, so I fought him. But he wouldn’t fight back. At first he was defending himself, but later on- Well, he had gotten knocked to the ground by an chunk of ice that I’d sent flying back at him on a fireball, and he just laid there…” John trailed off. He didn’t want to tell Wanda about what Bobby had said when John had started to walk away. He didn’t understand it himself. And then there was that unfinished sentence that got cut off by that damned teleporter.
“Why would he have done that? Is he crazy? You could have seriously hurt him!”
“I know. And he knew, but he didn’t seem to care. It was fucked up, Wanda. We talked a lot while we were fighting, too. I guess Rogue broke up with him a few months ago. He told me I had been right about her. I told him a few years ago that he was just a safety blanket to her, and that she’d dump him once she got on her feet again.”
“Does it bother you that she broke up with him?” Wanda asked. John looked at her, confused and annoyed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m serious. Does it bother you that she broke up with him?” Wanda repeated.
“Of course it bothers me! Bobby adored her. I don’t fucking understand it, but he did. He deserved better. Deserves better.”
“And you could have given that to him,” Wanda finished for John. Pyro glared at her, fiddling with his lighter.
“Yes. No- Fuck! No, I couldn’t have. Not back then. And probably not now,” Pyro admitted grudgingly. “But that’s not important.”
“Yes it is. It’s part of why you feel this way.”
“Whatever. My point is, Marie treated him like a servant. ‘Oh Bobbeh, ah feel so horrible today! Whatevah will ah do? Come comfort meh.’ And then he’d follow her around like a little lap dog and do it because he was so damned obsessed with her. She never did the same thing for him. Never. Hell, when his retard brother called the fucking cops on us in Boston, did she even say a single word of consolation to him in the fucking jet or at the camp afterwards? No! She was too busy feeling sorry for herself because she got sucked out of the jet for a grand total of ten seconds! I’d like to think that was a pretty obvious and traumatic event in Bobby’s life, and if I was his significant other, I’d damn well make sure I let him know I was there for him and that everything would be okay somehow.
“She was so selfish! She never really appreciated Bobby for who he is. And she’s never going to, either.”
“And you do?” Wanda asked. John trembled. How could she say that? How could she fucking say that to him? Pyro glared at her, incised.
“Fuck. You.” Pyro snarled coldly, getting up to leave the room.
“John, I’m sorry. That was below the belt,” Wanda apologized.
“You’re damn right it was!” he yelled at her, enraged. “You come in here acting like you want to help, but if all you’re going to do is insult me then I’m out of here. I don’t have time for this shit.”
“I’m sorry. Come back here. I’ll try to not speak so hastily. I was only asking these questions because they are sometimes the hard ones that people don’t want to face because they make them feel-”
“Inadequate? Pathetic? Worthless? I think that about sums it up.” John snorted, gripping his lighter. His knuckles were white. “Wanda, you are a smart girl, but some of that shit isn’t what you are supposed to be asking someone when what they really need is some support. I already know how much of a fucked-up failure I am. I don’t need you to rub it in my face when I’m down.”
“John, I’m so sorry. Please, sit down,” Wanda pleaded. Pyro stood there for a moment, deciding. He sighed, and sat back down.
“Fine,” He mumbled. They sat in a tense silence for a moment.
“What were the other things that were bothering you?” Wanda asked, suddenly remembering that Pyro had said there were two things on his mind.
“I… We can’t talk about it here. Can we go to your room?” Pyro asked. Wanda looked at him curioiusly. “I’m serious. Actually, I’m surprised you haven’t said anything to me about this either.”
“Okay.” Wanda said, not having any idea what Pyro was talking about. They made their way upstairs to the sleeping rooms. Once they were inside Wanda’s, Pyro closed the door and began checking the closet, vents and anything else that could be hiding an eavesdropper.
“John, what are you doing?” Wanda asked impatiently.
“Just hold on for a second, alright?” he instructed. Wanda rolled her eyes and sat down on her bed. After a moment, Pyro sighed and sat down on the desk chair, satisfied with his check. “I needed to make sure no one is listening. Wanda, this discussion can’t leave the room. I’m certain that if Mystique or old Bucket-head found out what I think about this, they’d have my ass dead as soon as they got a chance. Can I trust you?”
“Oh come on John. You know you can-“
“Yes or no. When I told you I was gay, your twin brother mysteriously found out somehow three days later. You had said then you weren’t going to tell anyone, and you did,” John accused.
“John, you know I never thought Pietro was going to tell everyone else. I’m so sorry about that. He’s my twin, he-“
John held a hand up, causing her to stop.
“I know. He was bugging you about why you were acting so down, so you told him. I forgave you for that because we barely knew each other and it really isn’t a big deal when push comes to shove. But this time if you let anyone else know I might not live to get the chance to forgive you for blabbing.
“So, can I trust you?” John asked again, staring into her eyes.
Wanda nodded. “Yes. I won’t tell anyone about this, whatever it is.”
“Good,” John said, relieved. He bit his lip, deciding what angle to approach this from. “Okay, maybe you can shed some light onto this. We’ve been raiding a lot of laboratories and research companies lately. Do you know why?”
“Father told me that he wants to keep up with any research in mutation genetics that’s being done under the table and unpublished so we are better equipped to fight against any new ‘mutancy cures’ or whatever.”
John frowned. The explanation made sense, and he didn’t know enough about biology to really know why he was still sort of bothered by it. That answer seemed a little too simple. What were they really going to do with that information, unless Magneto wanted to start trying to make vaccines that reversed ‘cure’ effects? The Brotherhood didn’t have the facilities to do anything like that, not that John knew of. And wouldn’t it be easier just to destroy the labs and their research to prevent more ‘cures’?
Whatever. He wasn’t in charge. “Okay, fine. I’ll buy that for now. The bigger question I have though is why the hell are we suddenly taking hostages?”
“John, we’ve taken hostages before,” Wanda remarked impatiently.
“Yeah but they were humans, usually they weren’t civilians and we released them as soon as we were out of trouble or as soon as we got what we wanted. It’s been two weeks, and we still haven’t dumped that guy somewhere. I know you said he was a telepath/telekinetic and all that, but still.”
“John, he attacked us and he’s one of Xavier’s students. Father probably wants to use him as a shield so that the X-men don’t bother us.”
“He didn’t attack you until after Magneto tried to kill him. Don’t make it seem like he deserves this. He’s not even a junior X-man for crying out loud!” John said emphatically.
“What does that matter, John? He was in the way and he tried to kill us. Well, incapacitate us, at least. I’m not saying that I agree with father’s attempt at killing him before he attacked us, but still. Why are you defending him? You don’t even know anything about him!” Wanda retorted, annoyed.
John shook his head biting his lip. This wasn’t going anywhere. He’d have to make her understand. One more question, though.
“Do you know what they are doing to him?” John asked.
Wanda frowned. “They’re just drugging him. I make up new batches of the solution every three days for them. So he stays unconscious and doesn’t try to fuck with our heads again. It’s too bad we don’t have the specs to make a mental restraint here. That would be a lot better for his body.” Wanda said.
Now it was John’s turn to frown. “Just drugging him? I find that hard to believe.” John crossed his arms.
“Why? It’s a mix of a few different drugs like adovan, DMT, some morphine¬-”
“If they are just drugging him and leaving him locked up in the confinement chamber, then why the hell does Mastermind go in there so often, and why the hell does it sound like he’s torturing him?” John asked hotly.
“What?! John, how could you think¬-“
“I like writing in the furnace room. No one ever bothers me there, and it’s the quietest place in the safehouse. At least, it used to be. Every fucking day this week, I’ve been down there and Mastermind will come down into the basement and go in that room. I know it’s him because he drags his feet when he walks. The sound is completely irritating. But that doesn’t matter. Anyway, sometimes he’s in there for hours. And at least once during each of those visits, I heard screams coming from that room. And it sure as hell wasn’t Mastermind screaming.”
“He can’t be. I- I checked him just this morning. There weren’t any marks or bruises that weren’t there from when I sent him flying out that window. I would have noticed, John.”
“Wanda, since when did telepathic assaults start to leave marks?” John said, standing up and starting to pace. “You have that guy drugged so that he’s so high, he’s practically in a coma. His mind is probably open season for anyone telepathic, even a weak one!”
Wanda cringed.
“We have no way of knowing what Mastermind is doing to him. He could be tearing his mind apart, tricking him, deluding him, or God knows what else. Yeah, there might be a good reason for all of this, but something doesn’t fit. Why the hell wouldn’t Magneto have told you about this? The only person he trusts around here more than you and Toad is Mystique. And I don’t know about you, but Mastermind has given me the creeps since the day he joined. I don’t like him, and I don’t trust him. He seems sick enough to do something like this without being ordered to, but…” John trailed off.
“But what?” Wanda asked. John looked away. “You think my father is ordering him to do it, don’t you?” she questioned with reprehension.
“Yeah. I’m sorry… I- Fuck!” John said, his eyes growing wide as he noticed what time it was. “I gotta get down there now. I’m gonna be late for my guard shift.”
“Oh…” Wanda said distantly. She was lost in her thoughts. John crossed the room and put a hand to her cheek.
“We’ll talk more later, okay? Don’t worry about this. I’m sure its all part of your father’s master plan and it will all work out okay.” John lied.
Wanda nodded, looking a bit lost.
John walked out of the room and downstairs. He pulled his notepad out of his back pocket. It was, after all, more time he could use to write. Guarding an unconscious hostage wasn’t the most interesting way to spend an afternoon, but at least John knew that Mastermind never came in to visit their prisoner while he was on guard duty. Which was kind of strange. He only ever seemed to be there when either Fred or Morty were guarding.
Pyro shrugged the thoughts off. As much as this situation was getting a bit more disturbing each day, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Speaking out against his leaders would only make his position all the more precarious. The only way this might stop is if whatever it was Mastermind was doing to the prisoner wasn’t ordered by Magneto. But Pyro had his doubts about that. Mastermind might be creepy and definitely morally questionable, but he wasn’t what you would call a brave man. Pyro found it unlikely that Mastermind would risk possibly angering Magneto to fulfill some individual plot. John couldn’t help but feel like something sinister was afoot, and that it was way beyond what he was willing to accept as ‘justified evil’.
Even Pyro had limits to how far he could lower his morals.
Pyro entered the confinement room. Morty stood up from the guard’s chair.
“It’s about time you showed up. I was starting to think you were off wanking to some poof show on the ‘net. You blokes always show up late when I’m the one on guard duty,” Morty complained.
Pyro rolled his eyes. “Deal with it. I got caught in conversation with Bucket-head’s daughter. Typical Wanda issues. You know how it goes.”
“Ay. That lass needs to learn how to leave us blokes alone. Always complaining about this and that.” Morty concurred.
Pyro shrugged. “Whatever,” he said nonchalantly, taking a seat in the guard’s chair.
Morty mumbled something else and exited the room, slamming the door as usual.
The room was cold and damp, with a bit of mildew growing on the cement cinder blocks that passed for walls. A large part of the room was caged off with a titanium alloy. Inside the cage was a cot, on which the unconscious hostage slept.
Now that most of the wounds to his face had healed, John had to admit that their prisoner was mildly attractive. Golden-blonde hair, fair skin, slender build, soft kissable lips… John sighed. This guy was probably dating one of the girls at the school. He was no doubt giving Bobby, Sam, Piotr and that Cajun guy some much needed competition.
It could have just as easily been Bobby lying there unconscious. That is what was really bothering John about this situation. Something deep down told him that if things had gone slightly different during that raid, Bobby could have been the one they had captured. John was having a hard enough time knowing that Mastermind was doing something nasty to someone he didn’t even know. If it was Bobby lying in that cage, John would have been a wreck. He probably would have done something very stupid by now. All for Bobby Drake. How had things ever gotten this way?
John thought back to his time at the school. Three years ago this time, Rogue hadn’t come to the school yet. He and Bobby were best friends, and for the first time in a long time John felt optimistic about his life. Sure, he was a mutant and humans hate mutants, but he was somewhere he could use his powers, somewhere where he had friends, somewhere where he wasn’t entirely bored all the time, and somewhere where Bobby was.
John had dated a few girls, but never had really been interested in the girls around Westchester. But that didn’t bother him. He just figured it was the boring girls at the School. He needed someone more exciting. Someone willing to break the rules with him. But he had a best friend for that, so what good was a girlfriend? Other than to suck up his time and his allowance, he couldn’t think of any reasons to have one. Even sex wasn’t a good enough reason. Any sex he’d had up to that point was crappy and not worth the drama the girls put him through afterwards. So John stopped dating.
John was alone in his room one day. Either he had a free period or he was skipping class. Probably skipping. He was bored, and being bored John started doing one of the things that all teenage boys do when they have time alone: he started jerking off.
John had never really fantasized about anyone while he masturbated. But he’d been reading some articles on the internet that he’d stumbled upon earlier that week while fooling around in the library. They talked about different jerking techniques, with some cool and often rather hilarious colour commentary from people who had visited the website. Of course, John had to show Bobby the website just to get him all embarrassed. Bobby invariably turned beet red whenever John mentioned anything about sex. After a bit of cajoling, Bobby had admitted to using a couple of the techniques that John had never tried and vice-versa.
So there John was alone in their room and getting really into it. He was feeling really good, so he closed his eyes to try and enjoy the sensations even more. He started thinking about how Bobby said he did it, and John tried to adjust his technique to match. Suddenly, he found himself visualizing how Bobby would have done it, lying on his back on the bed across the room…
Bobby’s hand on his own rock-hard cock, pulling it just that way. Bobby moaning and arching his back to the sensations he was feeling like John was feeling right now. Bobby’s breathing speeding up and getting shallower as he increased up the pace of his wank, and John doing the same, every part of his body tensing up in anticipation of what was to come. Bobby sliding his spare hand over his washboard abs, over his nice pecs, pinching his nipple gently before returning his hand down to cup and caress his balls. John grasping his throbbing cock in both hands, reveling in the friction of double-fisting, pounding them over his hard length faster and faster. Bobby gasping as his orgasm took hold, muscles spasming with the same release that John was feeling as his cum boiled up from his balls and shot out over his body in hot white jets of ecstasy.
After he came back to reality, John had cleaned himself up and went downstairs. He was hungry after all that and needed a snack. He met Bobby in the kitchen, who was similarly trying to sate his hunger before heading to the History class they both shared. Bobby had smiled at him when he walked in the door and John felt himself blushing. He felt incredibly awkward all of a sudden.
That’s when everything began changing. After that, Bobby kept popping into his head at strange times, and all too often when he was jacking off. The things John imagined Bobby doing started to become things they were doing to one another. John was afraid of these forbidden things that aroused him so much. But he kept imagining them, despite his conscience. John had felt progressively more awkward around Bobby too, even though he craved his roommate’s attention like never before. By Christmas, John had realized what was going on and it terrified him. He was not prepared for this.
John had already lost his parents. He couldn’t afford to lose Bobby too. He couldn’t tell Bobby the truth. Besides, what good would telling Bobby the truth do anyway? Bobby wasn’t like John. He dated girls, and he seemed to like it.
John had thought that his life was horrible enough being hated by normal humans. He didn’t need to be ostracized from mutants too just because he was gay. So John had made the decision to hide it. Part of him had hoped it would go away, and things could go back to the way they were before. And for a while it looked like things had.
But then Marie had shown up in the early spring. John and Bobby had started showing off for her right from Day 1. Bobby was clearly intrigued by the mysterious and fragile southern belle, while John had thought she was kind of pretty and perhaps might be cooler than the other girls had been. Well, not cooler than Jubilee, but that takes some doing. Either way, John had given up pretty early. Hell, he was a bad ass. He didn’t need a ‘beard’ to hide his sexuality. So he let Bobby have her, not realizing just how terribly jealous he would become.
Bobby’s usual two-week cutesy relationships had never gone much beyond a little kissing and petting before Bobby or the girl got bored and moved on. But not this time. This time was different. This time the two week cutesy turned into two month cutesy, and didn’t even stop there. To say that John was surprised would have been an understatement of the guilt, the jealousy and the betrayal he felt, even though John berated himself constantly for even having those feelings in the first place.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Jubilee had asked him once why he’d given up on pursuing Rogue so easily, and he’d given her some lame excuse about how Bobby was his best friend and how he wanted Bobby to be happy. She’d given John a look like she didn’t believe him, but she had dropped it. Other than Bobby, Jubilee was probably the only other person at the school he had really trusted. Sure Kitty was nice enough, but she had a nasty princess streak that could make her a righteous bitch if you got on her bad side. But Jubilee was different. Even if she was notorious for being the hugest gossip, Jubilee could keep secrets too. If a close friend told her something in confidence, that information never saw the light of day again. John probably would have told her he was gay eventually. He could have trusted her with that.
He and Rogue and been friends at first. But eventually his jealousy made it impossible for him. John thought he put up a good front. Bobby had noticed something was amiss, of course. The boy might be hella naïve, but he wasn’t stupid. He probably thought John still had feelings for Rogue, even up until Alkali Lake. It’s sick, actually, how easy it might have been for anyone at the school to just assume that his growing animosity towards Rogue had been because John wanted her. And they did assume that. And no one ever caught that John actually wanted the funny, smart and down right edible young man standing behind her.
John sighed, dragging his mind back to the present. That was past and gone. He and Wanda had way too many discussions about him needing to get over Bobby. She was right; he did need to get over Bobby. But how the hell was he supposed to do that if he was always stuck sitting on his ass on some crappy island in the middle of the Atlantic or locked away in some telepathy-proof safehouse? It’s not like it was getting him any dates. Hell, it wasn’t even getting him any one-night stands or even pity fucks.
John flipped his notepad open again. Thinking about this was a waste of time. It wasn’t going to solve anything. He might as well write something. Even if the only words that could come out were describing the familiar scent of Bobby that John could still smell if he closed his eyes.
God, he was horny.
Author: lux_apollo
Rating: NC-17 for one memory of masturbation.
Pairings: Bobby/John
Summary: Bobby sulks and refuses to see anyone. John and Wanda have a fight, also talk about some of the things John has noticed going on lately that are a little wierd. John goes on guard duty and thinks about the past. He remembers his first 'gay moment'.
Notes: Thanks to sarahlu81 and miss_bushido for beta. This fic is cross posted at x_slash and fiery_snowstorm.
[ Prologue | Chapter 1 - NC17 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 ]
Chapter 12
“Bobby, can I come in?”
Jubilee.
Bobby pulled his sheets further over his head. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? He didn’t want to see them. He didn’t want to see anyone. This was all his fault. Bobby didn’t need or want their sympathy.
“God damn it, Bobby! The least you could do is answer me!”
She sounded pissed. And maybe rightly so. Hopefully, pissed enough to leave him alone.
After returning from Boston, Bobby hadn’t left his room. Not since Dr. McCoy had let him out of the medical bay after treating his wounds. Well, except for a couple walks down in the subbasement in the middle of the night when no one but Jones was awake, but that didn’t really count. No one had noticed that, and that was exactly the way Bobby wanted it.
His friends had left him alone for the first couple days after he had told to go away, but two weeks had passed. Bobby didn’t care. He didn’t deserve them. What was most surprising to him was that the teachers were also not bothering him. Maybe the Professor knew more of what had happened to Bobby than he had said when they were debriefed. He probably did, even though Bobby sure as hell hadn’t said much.
But how could he?
Not only had he disobeyed the Professor’s direct instructions, he had also left another student in a potentially fatal situation. He had broken so many of the rules of the X-men it was shameful. The Professor had told everyone that Justin had empathically influenced Bobby’s decisions, but Bobby was certain Justin hadn’t done anything to him. It was a lie. Bobby refused to believe it. Why was the Professor covering for him? Bobby chose to break the rules.
Justin was now a hostage, and it was Bobby’s fault.
It was his fault, and if he had just not listened to Justin and made him leave the campus with him like they were supposed to or at the very least not left him by himself, none of this would have happened. If only Bobby had done what he was supposed to. If only, if only... It was just like with John all over again, only this time it was worse because Justin wasn’t taken by choice. John chose to leave, Justin was-
Bobby wanted nothing more than to disappear from existence.
Only moments after Nightcrawler had teleported Bobby away from his confrontation with John, Magneto had appeared carrying a broken and unconscious Justin along in front of him with his powers. Bobby had felt nauseous. It was his fault that Justin was in this situation now. Magneto told the X-men to withdraw, or he would finish the job of killing the boy. The other X-men were going to try and save Justin, but Professor X had contacted the team and instructed them not to press Magneto. Magneto truly would kill Justin. It wasn’t a bluff.
So they just stood there as Magneto and his Brotherhood cronies took off. Once they were out of sight, Bobby remembered feeling dizzy, and then falling to the ground. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Kitty, Dani and Jubilee had freaked out. Xi’an and Pete had been pretty concerned too. Bobby was glad Rogue had been with the team that went to the West Coast with Cyclops and Jean’s team or he would have never heard the end of it. It turned out that he had just had an anxiety attack. At least, that’s what Dr. McCoy thought happened when he was examining Bobby in the medical bay when they got back.
No big deal. He had just been overwhelmed by the situation.
It was something that happened even to the best of people.
The Professor had tried to have a discussion with Bobby the day after, a sort of post-trauma session to try and work through some of the psychological remnants of the battle. It hadn’t amounted to much. Actually, it only ended up making Bobby feel worse about the situation. Bobby was certain the Professor knew he had withheld a lot of what had gone on. They had been supposed to have another session, but Bobby hadn’t gone. What good was it going to do, anyway? It wouldn’t change anything.
His teachers had been sending homework up to his room with his meals, which Kurt and Kitty had been nice enough to start quietly teleporting or phasing into his room after they discovered that Bobby hadn’t eaten anything for the first three days back.
Bobby did the homework, of course, but mostly he just sat their staring at the walls or at John’s bed or lying on John’s bed or imagining what stupid things John would have said in a half-annoyed voice to get him to stop sulking. Or what Justin would have said. Maybe a random analogy that no one but Justin could make to work. But mostly what John would have said before getting really pissed off and setting something on fire.
More than anything else, though, Bobby slept. He was so tired all the time. It was as if he had never slept before. But he didn’t dream. Not of John, not of Justin, not of anything. He’d just wake up again, still tired and still hating himself.
After all the time he had spent mulling over everything the one thing that bothered Bobby the most was his reaction to John. It wasn’t at all like him to completely lose control of his emotions the way he had. It was one thing to defend yourself and try not to hurt your opponent, but to just completely stop fighting like he had? Maybe that ice boulder that had struck him did more than just give him a minor concussion. Or maybe Bobby wasn’t as ready to move on as he had told Justin earlier that day.
Bobby sighed to himself. He knew the latter was more likely. He knew it the moment he saw John standing there against the truck. Why else would Bobby have tried to flee in the first place?
That had to be one of the weirdest fights ever. Heck, there was almost more talking then fighting. Part of Bobby needed to believe that no matter what, if worst had come to worst, John wouldn’t have killed him. After the fight on Alcatraz, Bobby hadn’t been so sure.
But part of him believed it now. More than believed it. John had backed down instead of torching Bobby when Bobby had let his guard down and given John the perfect chance. Sure John had started beating Bobby with his fists right after that, but that didn’t matter. At least part of John didn’t really want to fight Bobby.
John had kept saying that Bobby hated him. It was as if he had been using it as a shield. Bobby couldn’t bear hearing it, something so far from the truth. Perhaps it was that statement more than anything else that had fueled his resolution not to hurt John. Bobby had broken that shield, though, leaving John’s wounded interior in plain view for Bobby to witness. He had seen it, he had heard it in John’s voice even if it was only for a moment before Nightcrawler had cut Bobby off in the middle of what could possibly have been a ruinous admission. Maybe it was for the best.
Bobby still couldn’t believe that he had tried to tell John that he loved him. But he had been so shaken by the whole meeting, and the sound of John’s voice when he had started to walk away. John had sounded hollow, dead inside. And that sound had scared Bobby to the core. That wasn’t a sound that was part of John. Not the John he knew. John was a fighter. A survivor. He should never sound like that, sound so desolate. In that moment Bobby felt himself seized by an utter desperation to reach John. Never had the loss felt so great.
And now he was right back where he started. No John, and now no Justin either. At this rate, Bobby was going to be a celibate hermit for the rest of his life.
Perhaps it was a fate he deserved.
* * *
Pyro sighed, pouring his morning cup of java. Though, it wasn’t really morning any more. Another sleepless night, finally collapsing out of exhaustion some time after dawn. Four hours in bed. Nightmares. And now he was awake again. Guard duty in a while. Watching ‘the hostage.’
“Glad you finally decided to join the land of the living,” Wanda said, entering the kitchen. John grunted in response.
“My, aren’t we talkative this afternoon.” Wanda smirked. She pulled a few things out of the fridge and began making a sandwich. “What are you up to today?”
“I have guard duty in a bit, but I’m free later tonight. Why?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping you had come up with something better to do than sit around doing nothing all the time.”
“It’s called reading and writing. You could try it sometime,” John said, smiling sarcastically.
Wanda rolled her eyes. “I do enough reading studying those basic medical texts and memorizing all those long incantations and focusing exercises Agatha is having me practice. And writing’s never been my thing. Maybe a good movie that I haven’t seen yet will be on TV tonight.”
“A good movie on TV? Good luck with that.” John chuckled. He took a long drink of his steaming coffee. “I think I’ll just stick with my good old copy of The Picture of Dorion Gray for tonight. I need to remind myself again why I’m not one of the ‘good guys’,” John muttered dully.
Wanda frowned at him, squirting a little more mustard on the sandwich than she had wanted to.
“Don’t tell me we have to have this conversation again. You’re not¬-“
“I know, I know. I’m ‘not evil’. Whatever you say, Wanda,” John interrupted, trying to deflect her.
Wanda sighed. “What’s going on?”
“Am I that transparent?” John asked snidely.
“Yes. I’ve left you alone for two weeks now, but I’m sick of you sulking around here like death warmed over. Will you please just tell me? It’s bad enough when you get like this on the island base, but there’s no space here in this safe house and it’s driving me nuts!”
“Oh, so I’m a problem now?” John asked acerbically.
“No! God damn it, don’t twist my words around. I’m not in the mood to play ring-around-the-rosie for five hours before you actually tell me the truth. Either tell me what the fuck’s the matter with you or go find somewhere else to sulk,” Wanda said, irritated.
Pyro stared her down, biting back the retort that he really wanted to throw in her face. Wanda really could be a bitch when she wanted to. But she cared about him a lot, which was more than he could say for any of the other members of their dysfunctional little band of supervillains. He smoldered for a minute, cooling his temper.
“Three things. First, remember how I wasn’t at the truck when you got there?”
“Yeah. It’s a good thing you got back before Father did, because he was not in a good mood after what happened. What were you doing?”
“Bobby showed up at the truck, so I fought him. But he wouldn’t fight back. At first he was defending himself, but later on- Well, he had gotten knocked to the ground by an chunk of ice that I’d sent flying back at him on a fireball, and he just laid there…” John trailed off. He didn’t want to tell Wanda about what Bobby had said when John had started to walk away. He didn’t understand it himself. And then there was that unfinished sentence that got cut off by that damned teleporter.
“Why would he have done that? Is he crazy? You could have seriously hurt him!”
“I know. And he knew, but he didn’t seem to care. It was fucked up, Wanda. We talked a lot while we were fighting, too. I guess Rogue broke up with him a few months ago. He told me I had been right about her. I told him a few years ago that he was just a safety blanket to her, and that she’d dump him once she got on her feet again.”
“Does it bother you that she broke up with him?” Wanda asked. John looked at her, confused and annoyed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m serious. Does it bother you that she broke up with him?” Wanda repeated.
“Of course it bothers me! Bobby adored her. I don’t fucking understand it, but he did. He deserved better. Deserves better.”
“And you could have given that to him,” Wanda finished for John. Pyro glared at her, fiddling with his lighter.
“Yes. No- Fuck! No, I couldn’t have. Not back then. And probably not now,” Pyro admitted grudgingly. “But that’s not important.”
“Yes it is. It’s part of why you feel this way.”
“Whatever. My point is, Marie treated him like a servant. ‘Oh Bobbeh, ah feel so horrible today! Whatevah will ah do? Come comfort meh.’ And then he’d follow her around like a little lap dog and do it because he was so damned obsessed with her. She never did the same thing for him. Never. Hell, when his retard brother called the fucking cops on us in Boston, did she even say a single word of consolation to him in the fucking jet or at the camp afterwards? No! She was too busy feeling sorry for herself because she got sucked out of the jet for a grand total of ten seconds! I’d like to think that was a pretty obvious and traumatic event in Bobby’s life, and if I was his significant other, I’d damn well make sure I let him know I was there for him and that everything would be okay somehow.
“She was so selfish! She never really appreciated Bobby for who he is. And she’s never going to, either.”
“And you do?” Wanda asked. John trembled. How could she say that? How could she fucking say that to him? Pyro glared at her, incised.
“Fuck. You.” Pyro snarled coldly, getting up to leave the room.
“John, I’m sorry. That was below the belt,” Wanda apologized.
“You’re damn right it was!” he yelled at her, enraged. “You come in here acting like you want to help, but if all you’re going to do is insult me then I’m out of here. I don’t have time for this shit.”
“I’m sorry. Come back here. I’ll try to not speak so hastily. I was only asking these questions because they are sometimes the hard ones that people don’t want to face because they make them feel-”
“Inadequate? Pathetic? Worthless? I think that about sums it up.” John snorted, gripping his lighter. His knuckles were white. “Wanda, you are a smart girl, but some of that shit isn’t what you are supposed to be asking someone when what they really need is some support. I already know how much of a fucked-up failure I am. I don’t need you to rub it in my face when I’m down.”
“John, I’m so sorry. Please, sit down,” Wanda pleaded. Pyro stood there for a moment, deciding. He sighed, and sat back down.
“Fine,” He mumbled. They sat in a tense silence for a moment.
“What were the other things that were bothering you?” Wanda asked, suddenly remembering that Pyro had said there were two things on his mind.
“I… We can’t talk about it here. Can we go to your room?” Pyro asked. Wanda looked at him curioiusly. “I’m serious. Actually, I’m surprised you haven’t said anything to me about this either.”
“Okay.” Wanda said, not having any idea what Pyro was talking about. They made their way upstairs to the sleeping rooms. Once they were inside Wanda’s, Pyro closed the door and began checking the closet, vents and anything else that could be hiding an eavesdropper.
“John, what are you doing?” Wanda asked impatiently.
“Just hold on for a second, alright?” he instructed. Wanda rolled her eyes and sat down on her bed. After a moment, Pyro sighed and sat down on the desk chair, satisfied with his check. “I needed to make sure no one is listening. Wanda, this discussion can’t leave the room. I’m certain that if Mystique or old Bucket-head found out what I think about this, they’d have my ass dead as soon as they got a chance. Can I trust you?”
“Oh come on John. You know you can-“
“Yes or no. When I told you I was gay, your twin brother mysteriously found out somehow three days later. You had said then you weren’t going to tell anyone, and you did,” John accused.
“John, you know I never thought Pietro was going to tell everyone else. I’m so sorry about that. He’s my twin, he-“
John held a hand up, causing her to stop.
“I know. He was bugging you about why you were acting so down, so you told him. I forgave you for that because we barely knew each other and it really isn’t a big deal when push comes to shove. But this time if you let anyone else know I might not live to get the chance to forgive you for blabbing.
“So, can I trust you?” John asked again, staring into her eyes.
Wanda nodded. “Yes. I won’t tell anyone about this, whatever it is.”
“Good,” John said, relieved. He bit his lip, deciding what angle to approach this from. “Okay, maybe you can shed some light onto this. We’ve been raiding a lot of laboratories and research companies lately. Do you know why?”
“Father told me that he wants to keep up with any research in mutation genetics that’s being done under the table and unpublished so we are better equipped to fight against any new ‘mutancy cures’ or whatever.”
John frowned. The explanation made sense, and he didn’t know enough about biology to really know why he was still sort of bothered by it. That answer seemed a little too simple. What were they really going to do with that information, unless Magneto wanted to start trying to make vaccines that reversed ‘cure’ effects? The Brotherhood didn’t have the facilities to do anything like that, not that John knew of. And wouldn’t it be easier just to destroy the labs and their research to prevent more ‘cures’?
Whatever. He wasn’t in charge. “Okay, fine. I’ll buy that for now. The bigger question I have though is why the hell are we suddenly taking hostages?”
“John, we’ve taken hostages before,” Wanda remarked impatiently.
“Yeah but they were humans, usually they weren’t civilians and we released them as soon as we were out of trouble or as soon as we got what we wanted. It’s been two weeks, and we still haven’t dumped that guy somewhere. I know you said he was a telepath/telekinetic and all that, but still.”
“John, he attacked us and he’s one of Xavier’s students. Father probably wants to use him as a shield so that the X-men don’t bother us.”
“He didn’t attack you until after Magneto tried to kill him. Don’t make it seem like he deserves this. He’s not even a junior X-man for crying out loud!” John said emphatically.
“What does that matter, John? He was in the way and he tried to kill us. Well, incapacitate us, at least. I’m not saying that I agree with father’s attempt at killing him before he attacked us, but still. Why are you defending him? You don’t even know anything about him!” Wanda retorted, annoyed.
John shook his head biting his lip. This wasn’t going anywhere. He’d have to make her understand. One more question, though.
“Do you know what they are doing to him?” John asked.
Wanda frowned. “They’re just drugging him. I make up new batches of the solution every three days for them. So he stays unconscious and doesn’t try to fuck with our heads again. It’s too bad we don’t have the specs to make a mental restraint here. That would be a lot better for his body.” Wanda said.
Now it was John’s turn to frown. “Just drugging him? I find that hard to believe.” John crossed his arms.
“Why? It’s a mix of a few different drugs like adovan, DMT, some morphine¬-”
“If they are just drugging him and leaving him locked up in the confinement chamber, then why the hell does Mastermind go in there so often, and why the hell does it sound like he’s torturing him?” John asked hotly.
“What?! John, how could you think¬-“
“I like writing in the furnace room. No one ever bothers me there, and it’s the quietest place in the safehouse. At least, it used to be. Every fucking day this week, I’ve been down there and Mastermind will come down into the basement and go in that room. I know it’s him because he drags his feet when he walks. The sound is completely irritating. But that doesn’t matter. Anyway, sometimes he’s in there for hours. And at least once during each of those visits, I heard screams coming from that room. And it sure as hell wasn’t Mastermind screaming.”
“He can’t be. I- I checked him just this morning. There weren’t any marks or bruises that weren’t there from when I sent him flying out that window. I would have noticed, John.”
“Wanda, since when did telepathic assaults start to leave marks?” John said, standing up and starting to pace. “You have that guy drugged so that he’s so high, he’s practically in a coma. His mind is probably open season for anyone telepathic, even a weak one!”
Wanda cringed.
“We have no way of knowing what Mastermind is doing to him. He could be tearing his mind apart, tricking him, deluding him, or God knows what else. Yeah, there might be a good reason for all of this, but something doesn’t fit. Why the hell wouldn’t Magneto have told you about this? The only person he trusts around here more than you and Toad is Mystique. And I don’t know about you, but Mastermind has given me the creeps since the day he joined. I don’t like him, and I don’t trust him. He seems sick enough to do something like this without being ordered to, but…” John trailed off.
“But what?” Wanda asked. John looked away. “You think my father is ordering him to do it, don’t you?” she questioned with reprehension.
“Yeah. I’m sorry… I- Fuck!” John said, his eyes growing wide as he noticed what time it was. “I gotta get down there now. I’m gonna be late for my guard shift.”
“Oh…” Wanda said distantly. She was lost in her thoughts. John crossed the room and put a hand to her cheek.
“We’ll talk more later, okay? Don’t worry about this. I’m sure its all part of your father’s master plan and it will all work out okay.” John lied.
Wanda nodded, looking a bit lost.
John walked out of the room and downstairs. He pulled his notepad out of his back pocket. It was, after all, more time he could use to write. Guarding an unconscious hostage wasn’t the most interesting way to spend an afternoon, but at least John knew that Mastermind never came in to visit their prisoner while he was on guard duty. Which was kind of strange. He only ever seemed to be there when either Fred or Morty were guarding.
Pyro shrugged the thoughts off. As much as this situation was getting a bit more disturbing each day, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Speaking out against his leaders would only make his position all the more precarious. The only way this might stop is if whatever it was Mastermind was doing to the prisoner wasn’t ordered by Magneto. But Pyro had his doubts about that. Mastermind might be creepy and definitely morally questionable, but he wasn’t what you would call a brave man. Pyro found it unlikely that Mastermind would risk possibly angering Magneto to fulfill some individual plot. John couldn’t help but feel like something sinister was afoot, and that it was way beyond what he was willing to accept as ‘justified evil’.
Even Pyro had limits to how far he could lower his morals.
Pyro entered the confinement room. Morty stood up from the guard’s chair.
“It’s about time you showed up. I was starting to think you were off wanking to some poof show on the ‘net. You blokes always show up late when I’m the one on guard duty,” Morty complained.
Pyro rolled his eyes. “Deal with it. I got caught in conversation with Bucket-head’s daughter. Typical Wanda issues. You know how it goes.”
“Ay. That lass needs to learn how to leave us blokes alone. Always complaining about this and that.” Morty concurred.
Pyro shrugged. “Whatever,” he said nonchalantly, taking a seat in the guard’s chair.
Morty mumbled something else and exited the room, slamming the door as usual.
The room was cold and damp, with a bit of mildew growing on the cement cinder blocks that passed for walls. A large part of the room was caged off with a titanium alloy. Inside the cage was a cot, on which the unconscious hostage slept.
Now that most of the wounds to his face had healed, John had to admit that their prisoner was mildly attractive. Golden-blonde hair, fair skin, slender build, soft kissable lips… John sighed. This guy was probably dating one of the girls at the school. He was no doubt giving Bobby, Sam, Piotr and that Cajun guy some much needed competition.
It could have just as easily been Bobby lying there unconscious. That is what was really bothering John about this situation. Something deep down told him that if things had gone slightly different during that raid, Bobby could have been the one they had captured. John was having a hard enough time knowing that Mastermind was doing something nasty to someone he didn’t even know. If it was Bobby lying in that cage, John would have been a wreck. He probably would have done something very stupid by now. All for Bobby Drake. How had things ever gotten this way?
John thought back to his time at the school. Three years ago this time, Rogue hadn’t come to the school yet. He and Bobby were best friends, and for the first time in a long time John felt optimistic about his life. Sure, he was a mutant and humans hate mutants, but he was somewhere he could use his powers, somewhere where he had friends, somewhere where he wasn’t entirely bored all the time, and somewhere where Bobby was.
John had dated a few girls, but never had really been interested in the girls around Westchester. But that didn’t bother him. He just figured it was the boring girls at the School. He needed someone more exciting. Someone willing to break the rules with him. But he had a best friend for that, so what good was a girlfriend? Other than to suck up his time and his allowance, he couldn’t think of any reasons to have one. Even sex wasn’t a good enough reason. Any sex he’d had up to that point was crappy and not worth the drama the girls put him through afterwards. So John stopped dating.
John was alone in his room one day. Either he had a free period or he was skipping class. Probably skipping. He was bored, and being bored John started doing one of the things that all teenage boys do when they have time alone: he started jerking off.
John had never really fantasized about anyone while he masturbated. But he’d been reading some articles on the internet that he’d stumbled upon earlier that week while fooling around in the library. They talked about different jerking techniques, with some cool and often rather hilarious colour commentary from people who had visited the website. Of course, John had to show Bobby the website just to get him all embarrassed. Bobby invariably turned beet red whenever John mentioned anything about sex. After a bit of cajoling, Bobby had admitted to using a couple of the techniques that John had never tried and vice-versa.
So there John was alone in their room and getting really into it. He was feeling really good, so he closed his eyes to try and enjoy the sensations even more. He started thinking about how Bobby said he did it, and John tried to adjust his technique to match. Suddenly, he found himself visualizing how Bobby would have done it, lying on his back on the bed across the room…
Bobby’s hand on his own rock-hard cock, pulling it just that way. Bobby moaning and arching his back to the sensations he was feeling like John was feeling right now. Bobby’s breathing speeding up and getting shallower as he increased up the pace of his wank, and John doing the same, every part of his body tensing up in anticipation of what was to come. Bobby sliding his spare hand over his washboard abs, over his nice pecs, pinching his nipple gently before returning his hand down to cup and caress his balls. John grasping his throbbing cock in both hands, reveling in the friction of double-fisting, pounding them over his hard length faster and faster. Bobby gasping as his orgasm took hold, muscles spasming with the same release that John was feeling as his cum boiled up from his balls and shot out over his body in hot white jets of ecstasy.
After he came back to reality, John had cleaned himself up and went downstairs. He was hungry after all that and needed a snack. He met Bobby in the kitchen, who was similarly trying to sate his hunger before heading to the History class they both shared. Bobby had smiled at him when he walked in the door and John felt himself blushing. He felt incredibly awkward all of a sudden.
That’s when everything began changing. After that, Bobby kept popping into his head at strange times, and all too often when he was jacking off. The things John imagined Bobby doing started to become things they were doing to one another. John was afraid of these forbidden things that aroused him so much. But he kept imagining them, despite his conscience. John had felt progressively more awkward around Bobby too, even though he craved his roommate’s attention like never before. By Christmas, John had realized what was going on and it terrified him. He was not prepared for this.
John had already lost his parents. He couldn’t afford to lose Bobby too. He couldn’t tell Bobby the truth. Besides, what good would telling Bobby the truth do anyway? Bobby wasn’t like John. He dated girls, and he seemed to like it.
John had thought that his life was horrible enough being hated by normal humans. He didn’t need to be ostracized from mutants too just because he was gay. So John had made the decision to hide it. Part of him had hoped it would go away, and things could go back to the way they were before. And for a while it looked like things had.
But then Marie had shown up in the early spring. John and Bobby had started showing off for her right from Day 1. Bobby was clearly intrigued by the mysterious and fragile southern belle, while John had thought she was kind of pretty and perhaps might be cooler than the other girls had been. Well, not cooler than Jubilee, but that takes some doing. Either way, John had given up pretty early. Hell, he was a bad ass. He didn’t need a ‘beard’ to hide his sexuality. So he let Bobby have her, not realizing just how terribly jealous he would become.
Bobby’s usual two-week cutesy relationships had never gone much beyond a little kissing and petting before Bobby or the girl got bored and moved on. But not this time. This time was different. This time the two week cutesy turned into two month cutesy, and didn’t even stop there. To say that John was surprised would have been an understatement of the guilt, the jealousy and the betrayal he felt, even though John berated himself constantly for even having those feelings in the first place.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Jubilee had asked him once why he’d given up on pursuing Rogue so easily, and he’d given her some lame excuse about how Bobby was his best friend and how he wanted Bobby to be happy. She’d given John a look like she didn’t believe him, but she had dropped it. Other than Bobby, Jubilee was probably the only other person at the school he had really trusted. Sure Kitty was nice enough, but she had a nasty princess streak that could make her a righteous bitch if you got on her bad side. But Jubilee was different. Even if she was notorious for being the hugest gossip, Jubilee could keep secrets too. If a close friend told her something in confidence, that information never saw the light of day again. John probably would have told her he was gay eventually. He could have trusted her with that.
He and Rogue and been friends at first. But eventually his jealousy made it impossible for him. John thought he put up a good front. Bobby had noticed something was amiss, of course. The boy might be hella naïve, but he wasn’t stupid. He probably thought John still had feelings for Rogue, even up until Alkali Lake. It’s sick, actually, how easy it might have been for anyone at the school to just assume that his growing animosity towards Rogue had been because John wanted her. And they did assume that. And no one ever caught that John actually wanted the funny, smart and down right edible young man standing behind her.
John sighed, dragging his mind back to the present. That was past and gone. He and Wanda had way too many discussions about him needing to get over Bobby. She was right; he did need to get over Bobby. But how the hell was he supposed to do that if he was always stuck sitting on his ass on some crappy island in the middle of the Atlantic or locked away in some telepathy-proof safehouse? It’s not like it was getting him any dates. Hell, it wasn’t even getting him any one-night stands or even pity fucks.
John flipped his notepad open again. Thinking about this was a waste of time. It wasn’t going to solve anything. He might as well write something. Even if the only words that could come out were describing the familiar scent of Bobby that John could still smell if he closed his eyes.
God, he was horny.