attempt number sixteen ♻ (voice) (virus) (fail filtered from iron family)

[autophoenix]

Consider this an S.O.S.

Please tell me someone here's an expert on figuring out how to get overprotective crazy seriously mentally unstable and probably dangerous fathers to stop freaking out on their daughters' boyfriends. Maybe like a twelve-step program or something?

Honestly, at this point, I'm willing to try anything. Just as long as I

Comments

[goddamn_ironman]

Your window, huh.

In the words of a considerably less amazing father, you done goof'd.

[autophoenix]

Will you stop hacking my posts?! God, you can seriously be such a creep sometimes! It's not fair!

[goddamn_ironman]

No hacking needed, princess, you posted this so very public.

I'm nailing your windows shut.

[autophoenix]

[ this is loud groaning about how hard her life is. in fact, you can probably hear it from the other room ] You can't just nail my windows shut! That's, like, child abuse or something!

[xxxing]

1. Get all your shit together. You're gonna need whatever the fuck you make tripwires out of, chloroform, a rag and your murder weapon of choice.
2. Call some sorry little shitface that owes you big time and tell 'em you're gonna need a huuuuuge favour, no questions asked.
3. Find a nice secluded field in advance. Harbours are rivers are pretty good, but you've gotta make sure you're not gonna get fucking caught.
4. Set up a tripwire somewhere upstairs. Top of the stairs is pretty good, you've just gotta hide it right.
5. Pick a damn good hiding place right near it.
6. Lure him upstairs with something. Hell if I know, booze or some shit, isn't he a complete alcoholic?
7. Waiting game.
8. Chloroform that fucker.
9. Introduce your weapon of choice.
10. Get rid of it fast as hell and get the fuck out of there, but take the body with you, duh.
11. Bury the body for the maggots to find and make sure you've disposed of all the evidence.
12. Enjoy! Go back to fucking your boytoy or whatever sick whore shit you spend your time doing.

[autophoenix]

...

Did you just give me a list of instructions on how to kill my dad?

[xxxing]

I've been trying for ten years, I've gotta pass the torch on to someone, right?

[autophoenix]

Not that I don't appreciate you trying to, uh, help. In your own special way. But I was kind of thinking of trying something with less death involved. Especially considering your plan might not work given that my dad is a superhero.

[wearecowboys]

Your father isn't the worst about it, believe it or not, Claire. Though he could really do without the language.

But I digress. You shouldn't be sneaking boys into the house.

[autophoenix]

I wouldn't have to sneak them if Dad weren't a psycho.

[wearecowboys]

He'll get better about it, I promise. I hope. I'm sure this Nate boy is very nice. I can't wait to meet him.

[autophoenix]

Well, Dad said I get to invite him to dinner, so if he can resist the urge to be a psychotic dickwad for one day, you'll definitely get to.

[cannotemotealie]

I got a solution. :-)

[autophoenix]

I hope it involves calming Dad down before he rips off any of Nate's important parts.

[cannotemotealie]

it involves vodka so

yeah

or you could date me and he couldn't get mad because that'd be racist. LMAO!

[goddamn_ironman]

Brocode shattered, dude.

[material_guy]

How's about getting a guy who's got the balls to not shit his pants at a few mean looks from his date's old man?

[autophoenix]

Gee, thanks for the helpful advice. But my boyfriend isn't the problem here.