Yummy brain stew
It was, according to LJ, the best weekend ever. A lot of that, I believe, is down to the hour she spent on Skype with Torres yesterday. And the fact she bought herself the SHIELD Helicarrier, just a little while later, likely didn't hurt. Still, I'd like to think at least some of her happiness was due to our latest epic game.
Often, I've wondered what it's like inside my daughter's brain. Most of the time I think of it as some kind of really delicious stew; a thick, warming brew filled to the brim with everything you like and nothing you hate. Lots of different elements that are tasty on their own and mouth-wateringly indescribable as a complete meal. Games like yesterday's support that view. How she manages to combine so many ingredients into something so tasty is beyond me. But damn, am I glad she does.
Witness, then, the awesomeness that is...
LJ presents:
THE ONE-MECH AVENGERS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
A sleek, hi-tech jet dodged and weaved through Arkham Asylum's sensor-net, slipping inside the facility without triggering a single alarm. Starscream was truly the greatest of all Decepticon fliers... provided his mind was on the job. This day, his focus was deadly, because the object of Starscream's desire was imprisoned inside the Asylum. A barrage of missiles freed MODOK from his cell and, together, the villainous duo slipped away. Starscream, you see, had a plan - one that required the expertise of AIM's chief weaponeer. The Decepticon took MODOK to a secluded location where he'd stashed the ruined components of three devices: Megatron's ninja-skill stealing machine, Red Skull's super soldier-maker, and MODOK's own gamma ray vacuum and re-irradiator.
"I'm sick and tired of Doom and the Fallen calling the shots," Starscream hissed. "I want you to combine these wrecks into a new creation - a power siphon that'll drain the abilities of its target and install them into my chassis! Then, I'll take command of all the villains, with you as my right-hand freaky beach-ball man!" MODOK agreed and set to work.
Several hours later, every single Arkham Asylum alarm sounded at once! Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Silver Surfer, Falcon and Thor rushed to the scene. They found MODOK, who had wired into the building's systems. Chortling, the mad creature attacked the heroes with the Asylum itself. It wasn't enough to stop the Super Hero Squad, of course... but, unfortunately, a sneak attack by a power siphon-equipped Starscream was.
In seconds, the good guys were drained of their unique talents and, seconds later, Starscream was transformed into a "one-mech Avengers"! The traitorous Decepticon had the agility of Spider-Man, the speed of Falcon, the Surfer's power cosmic, Thor's lightning, adamantium-tipped wings, Iron Man's genius, Hulk's impossible gamma-spawned strength and Cap's tactical brilliance. He demonstrated his newfound god-hood by cracking the Asylum in half and swapping its inmates - Atrocitus, Shockwave and Doctor Octopus - for the Squaddies.
At first, the newly-freed villains were unwilling to follow Starscream's orders. After receiving a swift super-powered kicking, however, they had no choice but to kneel. Starscream ordered everyone back to Villainville. MODOK wanted to know the rest of the plan, but his self-styled master just smirked. "First, we take down the Fallen and Doom," he said. "Then we'll talk about the rest. But remember, MODOK: it is imperative you tell no one about the power siphon. Understand? If my plan is going to work, then everyone except you and I must be totally clueless!"
"That makes a nice change from normal," MODOK nodded. "You and I are usually the clueless ones!"
They hit Villainville like a bolt from the heavens. Imperious as ever, Starscream demanded his "former leaders surrender unconditionally". Furious, Megatron ordered Devastator to attack. Starscream tore into the behemoth, picked him up with a single finger and hurled him into the distance. Then he humbled Megatron, the Fallen and Doom and ordered Atrocitus to imprison them in a cage of red fire. "My fellow villains," he proclaimed, "I am your leader now! You will follow my commands, and that's that!"
Some of the bad guys, like Red Skull, were thrilled by the prospect of new management. Others, like Soundwave, feigned loyalty while biding their time. Still others, like Captain Boomerang and the Shredder, wanted answers. Just how did Starscream become so powerful? MODOK started to answer, but Starscream clapped a metal hand over his massive mouth. "I've always been this powerful," he stammered, "I just decided not to show it before now. All right? No more questions, nothing to see here, move along, chop-chop!" He shot MODOK a glare. "Don't forget what I told you," he hissed dangerously.
Over at Hero Headquarters, War Machine and Pepper Potts were pacing. Iron Man had promised to come to the latest Stark Industries board meeting, but still hadn't returned from checking the Asylum alarm. Rhodey decided to fly out and see what was going on, while Pepper agreed to stall the investors ("sometimes, I think that's my job description"). She'd just waved goodbye to War Machine when red lasers stabbed at the ground - Laserbeak, the Decepticon courier, was overhead! Pepper activated her armour and moved to attack, but was stopped by Bumblebee.
"If Laserbeak didn't shoot you in the back, then he doesn't want a fight," the Autobot explained. "He's a cowardly little bird, that one. So he must be here to deliver some kind of message from Megatron."
The heroes gathered around to listen to the transmission. "Greetings, fools," crowed Starscream. "As new leader of the Decepticons - and, therefore, of all villains on this planet - I hereby issue a challenge to Optimus Prime! I dare you to face me, as per the ancient laws of Cybertron, in single combat! The winner gets to stay here, on Earth, while the loser and his allies must leave forever! Do you have the courage to face me, Prime?"
"Of course he does," Bumblebee whooped, but the challenge created debate amongst the heroes. Batman was worried Starscream would cheat. Ratchet's insistence that "no one'd dare break the ancient laws - not even that dirt-bag Decepti-creep" was no reassurance. Nick Fury was unwilling to stake his fate on Prime, too, because his duty as Director of SHIELD was "to the planet, not the super heroes". This infuriated Guy Gardner, who accused Fury of being "a coward, not a cop." They would have come to blows if not for Bulkhead. "One time, Prime beat Megs and Starscream and another 'con all by himself," he enthused, showing a rare gift for selective memory. "This'll be easy!" At Optimus' insistence it was put to a vote, and the result was in favour of the duel.
Meanwhilew, War Machine continued to make his way toward the Asylum. He was shocked to discover Devastator, lying deactivated on the ground some miles from Villainville. The gestalt's chassis was heavily damaged, and Rhodey recognised the handiwork of his Super Hero Squad friends. Had Iron Man and the others battled Devastator? If so, where were they now?
On the outskirts of Super Hero City, in the hidden valley, Starscream was waiting. His seconds - MODOK, Soundwave, Captain Boomerang, Slash and Sandman - lined the lip of a crater. "Make sure you get a good angle for recording this, Soundwave," Starscream nagged. "I have a feeling I'll want to watch this over and over again!" Optimus Prime and his back-up - Bumblebee, Grimlock, Batman, Pepper and Guy Gardner - arrived soon after. Before the clash started, Batman and Pepper insisted on scanning Starscream for illegal upgrades. They found nothing untoward.
The fight began. At first, things went as Bulkhead predicted: Optimus slammed and blasted Starscream from pillar-to-post. But that was only at first. When the dust cleared, Starscream had not even been dented by the assault. "Bored now," he yawned, before launching a hurricane-force attack of his own. All of his stolen powers - not upgrades, and so invisible to Batman's scans - wreaked havoc on the Autobot leader. Thanks to Cap's cunning, Starscream was for the most part clever enough not to use his powers overtly. He could not, however, resist pulling Prime in for the final blow: a close-range lightning bolt from his hands to the Autobot's chest. The battle was over... and Starscream had won.
Shocked and appalled, the heroes moved to attack. Optimus held one hand up weakly. "The fight was fair," he gasped, "and I lost. If we believe ourselves to be righteous and just, then we must obey the laws of our homeworld." He turned to the victor. "Starscream, as agreed... the Autobots and our allies will leave Earth forever." With Bumblebee's help, he limped away. Starscream ordered his cronies back to Villainville for celebrations, but Soundwave asked to stay behind. He said he'd film "background shots" to "make a nice menu for the DVD". As soon as his leader departed, Soundwave called out to Grimlock. "Take this," he said, handing the Dinobot a recording of the fight, "and watch it carefully."
"Me Grimlock no want stupid tape of stupid fight," the beast growled. "What, you think me so dumb I let you rub salt in wounds? Go away, music-box!"
Desperate, Soundwave grabbed Grimlock's hands and pressed the recording into his palms. "Please," he begged, "take this back with you and watch it carefully." He looked into the Dinobot's optics, hoping he'd understand the hidden message. Grimlock, uncomfortable with the exchange, stormed off.
These calamitous events were, of course, unknown to War Machine. He'd almost reached Arkham Asylum when his sensors detected a strange machine on the ground below. MODOK had left the power siphon hidden by the side of the road, just in case Starscream needed a "refill" from the Squaddies. Puzzled and disturbed, Rhodey made all speed to the Asylum. Inside he found his friends in an extremely poor state. Wolverine was the worst of all - without his powers, he was dying of adamantium poisoning! War Machine wondered aloud what to do, but was met with vacant stares from both Iron Man and Captain America.
At Hero Headquarters, Optimus Prime asked to speak to everyone. "My shame is unimaginable," he began. "In my hubris, I believed I could defeat Starscream and so made the most unforgivable of errors - I underestimated the evil which we face every day. I am sorry, to all of you, for my failure, and most sorry to my adopted world. I fear the fate that shall befall Earth's people as a result of my weakness."
Superman nodded solemnly. He said the heroes would teleport to the old Justice League Watchtower while they decided their next move. Everyone rallied to comfort the distraught Autobot... save three. The first was Nick Fury. He was beyond angry, even accusing Prime of throwing the fight because he was "in cahoots" with the Decepticons. He opened his mouth again - only to be punched in it by Guy Gardner. "I'm sick of your complaining," the emerald hot-head spat. "No wonder everyone in SHIELD betrays each other - it's because they've got the world's biggest jerk for a boss!" A fight broke out.
The other missing heroes were Grimlock and his pseudo-hostage, Pepper. The Dinobot had borrowed the Ninja Turtles' big-screen TV and was watching the fight DVD. Because he didn't know how to use the remote control ("Go slow! Now fast! How you make picture stop? What 'P-I-P' button do?"), Pepper had to do it for him. Obsession bore dividends when Grimlock saw Thor's lightning win the duel... and Starscream's treachery was exposed. He bounded downstairs and ended the Fury/Gardner bout with a mighty stomp. "Me Grimlock has saved the world by watching TV!" the beast roared triumphantly.
Thanks to incontrovertible video evidence, the heroes knew they had been tricked. For a moment, Optimus seemed not to react. Then everyone realised, to their terror, the giant warrior was rife with the coldest of furies. Starscream, they knew, was in for the fight of his life. Prime called his Autobots to his side, vowing they would "avenge this duplicity" or sacrifice their lives in the process. Superman said the Justice League would take up the burden should the Autobots fall. "We won't let Starscream win," he vowed. "Not ever."
Over at the Asylum, War Machine stared uncomprehendingly at the power siphon. Instinctively, he knew it was to blame for his friends' predicament. And while he knew weapons, Rhodey was no scientist. Fortunately, there was one nearby. De-powered, the Hulk had reverted back to Bruce Banner, and he was no less angry than his green alter-ego. Unlike Cap and Iron Man, he remembered what Starscream had done - and he wanted to bring the monster back ASAP! Turning his genius-level intellect to the power siphon, Banner began to bend the machine to his will.
Starscream and his cronies hadn't make it back to Villainville. At Sandman's suggestion, they'd stopped in Super Hero City to destroy a few buildings, rob a few banks and "celebrate like crooks should!". A fighting-mad Optimus put paid to that, driving his truck mode through the silicate supervillain. "Before this gets out of hand," Prime bellowed, "you villains should know: Starscream cheated, the deal is off, and the Autobots aren't going anywhere!"
"Uh-oh," MODOK gulped. "I think I know now why I had to shut up about the power siphon."
Captain Boomerang, Slash, a reconstituted Sandman and a very smug Soundwave instantly turned on their unwanted leader. "This is only temporary, mate," Boomerang sneered at Prime. "Just until we put our bloomin' house in order, right?" Against a combined villain/Autobot salvo, poor MODOK lasted but seconds. Starscream, conversely, was unbowed. "You don't have time to celebrate, fools," he cried. From his hands leaped jumping, writhing tendrils of energy - an unholy mix of the power cosmic and the Norse thunder. In moments, everyone save Prime had fallen. "You only have time to die," Starscream glowered.
Miles away, Banner completed his modifications and handed the siphon to Rhodey. "The whole thing's poorly-made and inherently unstable," he explained. "You'll only get one shot with it, so don't miss!' Beneath his armour, War Machine smiled. "I haven't yet," he said. Linking up with a Stark satellite overhead, War Machine targeted Starscream and let the refurbished siphon do its work.
High above Optimus, Starscream readied his final, annihilating blow... and stopped. Some inexorable force was tugging on his leg. No, not just his leg... his arm, wings and entire body. He fired his rockets but they didn't bother the invisible force. Shrieking indignantly, Starscream was pulled through the air by the siphon's magnetic influence. Optimus transformed and followed, arriving at Arkham just in time to see the Decepticon slam bodily into the heinous machine.
The siphon exploded in a shower of sparks and splinters of jagged metal. Hundreds of razor-sharp debris hurtled toward War Machine, each one small and sharp enough to penetrate the joints in his armour. Rhodey winced and prepared for the worst, but as a massive green form leaped in front of him. The Hulk was back and, at full power, more than impervious to "puny MODOK metal". Equal parts grateful and hopeful, War Machine turned to see the Super Hero Squad back on its feet. And livid.
"Squaddies," Iron Man said darkly, pointed toward a disoriented Starscream, "Hero Up!"
What followed was not a battle but a rout. Optimus Prime and the Squaddies exacted some well-deserved vengeance, pummeling Starscream despite his cowardly protests. In short order, the Decepticon was on the receiving end of all the powers he'd wielded against others, followed by a tremendous Matrix-powered punch that sent him up into the air... and down into an Arkham Asylum cell. The crisis was over.
Hours later, the heroes regrouped at their Headquarters. MODOK and the villains had escaped before the Autobots regained consciousness, but Optimus wasn't worried. Knowing Megatron and the Fallen as he did, he was sure the weaponeer would be scrubbing toilets for many weeks (in truth, he was being used as a basketball by his vindictive, unforgiving bosses). Within the mansion, tensions eased and friendships were repaired. Ratchet and the Atom began work on new scanners to ensure "power-stealing" would never again escape detection. And War Machine made sure the siphon was finally, irrevocably destroyed - then dragged Iron Man off to the long-delayed board meeting.
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Of course, all that occurred after she spoke to Torres and before the weekend's big purchase. Do you think we'd wait seven whole days to bring SHIELD's iconic hovering headquarters into our world? Oh heck no! There was but one thing, upon returning from the store, to do... have a bonus adventure!
LJ Presents:
Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD, in:
HOUSEWARMING
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
The "Starscream incident" had but one casualty. Nick Fury announced he was leaving the mansion and returning to the SHIELD Helicarrier "where I belong". Working with the super heroes had cost the super-spy his hover car and, now, had almost resulted in his exile from Earth. He could no longer put the planet at risk, he said, by playing by hero rules. "You need me, you call me," he told Cap and Wolverine, "and you know I'll be calling you whenever SHIELD requires. But for now, this is where we part ways."
"Good riddance," Guy Gardner sniffed. "It was getting a little too crowded around here anyway."
Fury left to make his rendezvous with the greatest high-flying sentinel in spy history. He'd taken the controls and begun to re-familiarize himself with the controls when the entire ship rocked side-to-side. The Helicarrier was under attack! Checking the scanners, Nick saw Boba Fett, the bounty hunter, taking pot-shots from the skies... and the Imperial AT-AT walker loosing salvos from below! "There's a price on your head, Fury," Boba Fett announced, "and we intend to collect it!"
The SHIELD Director grinned tightly. "You've just made my day, creep."
A flurry of attack-discs sliced through Fett's rocket pack, putting the hunter out of action. Lowering closer to the ground, Fury used the Helicarrier's arsenal to shoot the Battle Droids off the back of the AT-AT. Two Super Battle Droids boarded the airship - Fury surprised them by transforming it to its base mode, dropping them through the split hull and onto the ground. Then he leaped aboard the sky-cycle and ran them both other. He flew back around to the controls, only to be caught by a surprise explosion!
When Fury recovered, he found himself facing both the Imperial Bomber and Senate Commando stormtroopers. Falling back on his hand-to-hand combat skils, Fury barely managed to defeat both enemies. The Heavy Gunner troops took aim at him next, and the super-spy lured them into the path of carrier's crane-arm. It swung down and took them both out. Finally, Fury used the last attack-disc to blow a leg off the walker, bringing it crashing down. Before its startled pilot could escape, Fury dropped him with a karate chop.
Triumphant, Fury turned... to find himself being stared at by a very shocked Mayor and Captain Fanzone. The entire battle had taken place just outside the city limits - Fury, in his haste, had almost blown his cover! Fortunately, the Mayor and Fanzone were more than willing to hush the whole thing up, provided Fury was prepared to share his intel with the Super Hero City police force. He agreed and the deal was sealed. The Mayor wanted to throw Fury a parade but he declined, leaping back aboard the Helicarrier and soaring into the sky. "A man could get used to this," he sighed happily.
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When I was a kid, I played with toys. As a teenager, I created my own comic books. As I young man I wrote fanfic and, as a father, I play with my daughter's toys. Needless to say I'm pretty happy with how things have circled around.
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF
Often, I've wondered what it's like inside my daughter's brain. Most of the time I think of it as some kind of really delicious stew; a thick, warming brew filled to the brim with everything you like and nothing you hate. Lots of different elements that are tasty on their own and mouth-wateringly indescribable as a complete meal. Games like yesterday's support that view. How she manages to combine so many ingredients into something so tasty is beyond me. But damn, am I glad she does.
Witness, then, the awesomeness that is...
LJ presents:
THE ONE-MECH AVENGERS
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
A sleek, hi-tech jet dodged and weaved through Arkham Asylum's sensor-net, slipping inside the facility without triggering a single alarm. Starscream was truly the greatest of all Decepticon fliers... provided his mind was on the job. This day, his focus was deadly, because the object of Starscream's desire was imprisoned inside the Asylum. A barrage of missiles freed MODOK from his cell and, together, the villainous duo slipped away. Starscream, you see, had a plan - one that required the expertise of AIM's chief weaponeer. The Decepticon took MODOK to a secluded location where he'd stashed the ruined components of three devices: Megatron's ninja-skill stealing machine, Red Skull's super soldier-maker, and MODOK's own gamma ray vacuum and re-irradiator.
"I'm sick and tired of Doom and the Fallen calling the shots," Starscream hissed. "I want you to combine these wrecks into a new creation - a power siphon that'll drain the abilities of its target and install them into my chassis! Then, I'll take command of all the villains, with you as my right-hand freaky beach-ball man!" MODOK agreed and set to work.
Several hours later, every single Arkham Asylum alarm sounded at once! Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Spider-Man, Wolverine, Silver Surfer, Falcon and Thor rushed to the scene. They found MODOK, who had wired into the building's systems. Chortling, the mad creature attacked the heroes with the Asylum itself. It wasn't enough to stop the Super Hero Squad, of course... but, unfortunately, a sneak attack by a power siphon-equipped Starscream was.
In seconds, the good guys were drained of their unique talents and, seconds later, Starscream was transformed into a "one-mech Avengers"! The traitorous Decepticon had the agility of Spider-Man, the speed of Falcon, the Surfer's power cosmic, Thor's lightning, adamantium-tipped wings, Iron Man's genius, Hulk's impossible gamma-spawned strength and Cap's tactical brilliance. He demonstrated his newfound god-hood by cracking the Asylum in half and swapping its inmates - Atrocitus, Shockwave and Doctor Octopus - for the Squaddies.
At first, the newly-freed villains were unwilling to follow Starscream's orders. After receiving a swift super-powered kicking, however, they had no choice but to kneel. Starscream ordered everyone back to Villainville. MODOK wanted to know the rest of the plan, but his self-styled master just smirked. "First, we take down the Fallen and Doom," he said. "Then we'll talk about the rest. But remember, MODOK: it is imperative you tell no one about the power siphon. Understand? If my plan is going to work, then everyone except you and I must be totally clueless!"
"That makes a nice change from normal," MODOK nodded. "You and I are usually the clueless ones!"
They hit Villainville like a bolt from the heavens. Imperious as ever, Starscream demanded his "former leaders surrender unconditionally". Furious, Megatron ordered Devastator to attack. Starscream tore into the behemoth, picked him up with a single finger and hurled him into the distance. Then he humbled Megatron, the Fallen and Doom and ordered Atrocitus to imprison them in a cage of red fire. "My fellow villains," he proclaimed, "I am your leader now! You will follow my commands, and that's that!"
Some of the bad guys, like Red Skull, were thrilled by the prospect of new management. Others, like Soundwave, feigned loyalty while biding their time. Still others, like Captain Boomerang and the Shredder, wanted answers. Just how did Starscream become so powerful? MODOK started to answer, but Starscream clapped a metal hand over his massive mouth. "I've always been this powerful," he stammered, "I just decided not to show it before now. All right? No more questions, nothing to see here, move along, chop-chop!" He shot MODOK a glare. "Don't forget what I told you," he hissed dangerously.
Over at Hero Headquarters, War Machine and Pepper Potts were pacing. Iron Man had promised to come to the latest Stark Industries board meeting, but still hadn't returned from checking the Asylum alarm. Rhodey decided to fly out and see what was going on, while Pepper agreed to stall the investors ("sometimes, I think that's my job description"). She'd just waved goodbye to War Machine when red lasers stabbed at the ground - Laserbeak, the Decepticon courier, was overhead! Pepper activated her armour and moved to attack, but was stopped by Bumblebee.
"If Laserbeak didn't shoot you in the back, then he doesn't want a fight," the Autobot explained. "He's a cowardly little bird, that one. So he must be here to deliver some kind of message from Megatron."
The heroes gathered around to listen to the transmission. "Greetings, fools," crowed Starscream. "As new leader of the Decepticons - and, therefore, of all villains on this planet - I hereby issue a challenge to Optimus Prime! I dare you to face me, as per the ancient laws of Cybertron, in single combat! The winner gets to stay here, on Earth, while the loser and his allies must leave forever! Do you have the courage to face me, Prime?"
"Of course he does," Bumblebee whooped, but the challenge created debate amongst the heroes. Batman was worried Starscream would cheat. Ratchet's insistence that "no one'd dare break the ancient laws - not even that dirt-bag Decepti-creep" was no reassurance. Nick Fury was unwilling to stake his fate on Prime, too, because his duty as Director of SHIELD was "to the planet, not the super heroes". This infuriated Guy Gardner, who accused Fury of being "a coward, not a cop." They would have come to blows if not for Bulkhead. "One time, Prime beat Megs and Starscream and another 'con all by himself," he enthused, showing a rare gift for selective memory. "This'll be easy!" At Optimus' insistence it was put to a vote, and the result was in favour of the duel.
Meanwhilew, War Machine continued to make his way toward the Asylum. He was shocked to discover Devastator, lying deactivated on the ground some miles from Villainville. The gestalt's chassis was heavily damaged, and Rhodey recognised the handiwork of his Super Hero Squad friends. Had Iron Man and the others battled Devastator? If so, where were they now?
On the outskirts of Super Hero City, in the hidden valley, Starscream was waiting. His seconds - MODOK, Soundwave, Captain Boomerang, Slash and Sandman - lined the lip of a crater. "Make sure you get a good angle for recording this, Soundwave," Starscream nagged. "I have a feeling I'll want to watch this over and over again!" Optimus Prime and his back-up - Bumblebee, Grimlock, Batman, Pepper and Guy Gardner - arrived soon after. Before the clash started, Batman and Pepper insisted on scanning Starscream for illegal upgrades. They found nothing untoward.
The fight began. At first, things went as Bulkhead predicted: Optimus slammed and blasted Starscream from pillar-to-post. But that was only at first. When the dust cleared, Starscream had not even been dented by the assault. "Bored now," he yawned, before launching a hurricane-force attack of his own. All of his stolen powers - not upgrades, and so invisible to Batman's scans - wreaked havoc on the Autobot leader. Thanks to Cap's cunning, Starscream was for the most part clever enough not to use his powers overtly. He could not, however, resist pulling Prime in for the final blow: a close-range lightning bolt from his hands to the Autobot's chest. The battle was over... and Starscream had won.
Shocked and appalled, the heroes moved to attack. Optimus held one hand up weakly. "The fight was fair," he gasped, "and I lost. If we believe ourselves to be righteous and just, then we must obey the laws of our homeworld." He turned to the victor. "Starscream, as agreed... the Autobots and our allies will leave Earth forever." With Bumblebee's help, he limped away. Starscream ordered his cronies back to Villainville for celebrations, but Soundwave asked to stay behind. He said he'd film "background shots" to "make a nice menu for the DVD". As soon as his leader departed, Soundwave called out to Grimlock. "Take this," he said, handing the Dinobot a recording of the fight, "and watch it carefully."
"Me Grimlock no want stupid tape of stupid fight," the beast growled. "What, you think me so dumb I let you rub salt in wounds? Go away, music-box!"
Desperate, Soundwave grabbed Grimlock's hands and pressed the recording into his palms. "Please," he begged, "take this back with you and watch it carefully." He looked into the Dinobot's optics, hoping he'd understand the hidden message. Grimlock, uncomfortable with the exchange, stormed off.
These calamitous events were, of course, unknown to War Machine. He'd almost reached Arkham Asylum when his sensors detected a strange machine on the ground below. MODOK had left the power siphon hidden by the side of the road, just in case Starscream needed a "refill" from the Squaddies. Puzzled and disturbed, Rhodey made all speed to the Asylum. Inside he found his friends in an extremely poor state. Wolverine was the worst of all - without his powers, he was dying of adamantium poisoning! War Machine wondered aloud what to do, but was met with vacant stares from both Iron Man and Captain America.
At Hero Headquarters, Optimus Prime asked to speak to everyone. "My shame is unimaginable," he began. "In my hubris, I believed I could defeat Starscream and so made the most unforgivable of errors - I underestimated the evil which we face every day. I am sorry, to all of you, for my failure, and most sorry to my adopted world. I fear the fate that shall befall Earth's people as a result of my weakness."
Superman nodded solemnly. He said the heroes would teleport to the old Justice League Watchtower while they decided their next move. Everyone rallied to comfort the distraught Autobot... save three. The first was Nick Fury. He was beyond angry, even accusing Prime of throwing the fight because he was "in cahoots" with the Decepticons. He opened his mouth again - only to be punched in it by Guy Gardner. "I'm sick of your complaining," the emerald hot-head spat. "No wonder everyone in SHIELD betrays each other - it's because they've got the world's biggest jerk for a boss!" A fight broke out.
The other missing heroes were Grimlock and his pseudo-hostage, Pepper. The Dinobot had borrowed the Ninja Turtles' big-screen TV and was watching the fight DVD. Because he didn't know how to use the remote control ("Go slow! Now fast! How you make picture stop? What 'P-I-P' button do?"), Pepper had to do it for him. Obsession bore dividends when Grimlock saw Thor's lightning win the duel... and Starscream's treachery was exposed. He bounded downstairs and ended the Fury/Gardner bout with a mighty stomp. "Me Grimlock has saved the world by watching TV!" the beast roared triumphantly.
Thanks to incontrovertible video evidence, the heroes knew they had been tricked. For a moment, Optimus seemed not to react. Then everyone realised, to their terror, the giant warrior was rife with the coldest of furies. Starscream, they knew, was in for the fight of his life. Prime called his Autobots to his side, vowing they would "avenge this duplicity" or sacrifice their lives in the process. Superman said the Justice League would take up the burden should the Autobots fall. "We won't let Starscream win," he vowed. "Not ever."
Over at the Asylum, War Machine stared uncomprehendingly at the power siphon. Instinctively, he knew it was to blame for his friends' predicament. And while he knew weapons, Rhodey was no scientist. Fortunately, there was one nearby. De-powered, the Hulk had reverted back to Bruce Banner, and he was no less angry than his green alter-ego. Unlike Cap and Iron Man, he remembered what Starscream had done - and he wanted to bring the monster back ASAP! Turning his genius-level intellect to the power siphon, Banner began to bend the machine to his will.
Starscream and his cronies hadn't make it back to Villainville. At Sandman's suggestion, they'd stopped in Super Hero City to destroy a few buildings, rob a few banks and "celebrate like crooks should!". A fighting-mad Optimus put paid to that, driving his truck mode through the silicate supervillain. "Before this gets out of hand," Prime bellowed, "you villains should know: Starscream cheated, the deal is off, and the Autobots aren't going anywhere!"
"Uh-oh," MODOK gulped. "I think I know now why I had to shut up about the power siphon."
Captain Boomerang, Slash, a reconstituted Sandman and a very smug Soundwave instantly turned on their unwanted leader. "This is only temporary, mate," Boomerang sneered at Prime. "Just until we put our bloomin' house in order, right?" Against a combined villain/Autobot salvo, poor MODOK lasted but seconds. Starscream, conversely, was unbowed. "You don't have time to celebrate, fools," he cried. From his hands leaped jumping, writhing tendrils of energy - an unholy mix of the power cosmic and the Norse thunder. In moments, everyone save Prime had fallen. "You only have time to die," Starscream glowered.
Miles away, Banner completed his modifications and handed the siphon to Rhodey. "The whole thing's poorly-made and inherently unstable," he explained. "You'll only get one shot with it, so don't miss!' Beneath his armour, War Machine smiled. "I haven't yet," he said. Linking up with a Stark satellite overhead, War Machine targeted Starscream and let the refurbished siphon do its work.
High above Optimus, Starscream readied his final, annihilating blow... and stopped. Some inexorable force was tugging on his leg. No, not just his leg... his arm, wings and entire body. He fired his rockets but they didn't bother the invisible force. Shrieking indignantly, Starscream was pulled through the air by the siphon's magnetic influence. Optimus transformed and followed, arriving at Arkham just in time to see the Decepticon slam bodily into the heinous machine.
The siphon exploded in a shower of sparks and splinters of jagged metal. Hundreds of razor-sharp debris hurtled toward War Machine, each one small and sharp enough to penetrate the joints in his armour. Rhodey winced and prepared for the worst, but as a massive green form leaped in front of him. The Hulk was back and, at full power, more than impervious to "puny MODOK metal". Equal parts grateful and hopeful, War Machine turned to see the Super Hero Squad back on its feet. And livid.
"Squaddies," Iron Man said darkly, pointed toward a disoriented Starscream, "Hero Up!"
What followed was not a battle but a rout. Optimus Prime and the Squaddies exacted some well-deserved vengeance, pummeling Starscream despite his cowardly protests. In short order, the Decepticon was on the receiving end of all the powers he'd wielded against others, followed by a tremendous Matrix-powered punch that sent him up into the air... and down into an Arkham Asylum cell. The crisis was over.
Hours later, the heroes regrouped at their Headquarters. MODOK and the villains had escaped before the Autobots regained consciousness, but Optimus wasn't worried. Knowing Megatron and the Fallen as he did, he was sure the weaponeer would be scrubbing toilets for many weeks (in truth, he was being used as a basketball by his vindictive, unforgiving bosses). Within the mansion, tensions eased and friendships were repaired. Ratchet and the Atom began work on new scanners to ensure "power-stealing" would never again escape detection. And War Machine made sure the siphon was finally, irrevocably destroyed - then dragged Iron Man off to the long-delayed board meeting.
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Of course, all that occurred after she spoke to Torres and before the weekend's big purchase. Do you think we'd wait seven whole days to bring SHIELD's iconic hovering headquarters into our world? Oh heck no! There was but one thing, upon returning from the store, to do... have a bonus adventure!
LJ Presents:
Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD, in:
HOUSEWARMING
Written and directed by LJ
Novelisation by SF
The "Starscream incident" had but one casualty. Nick Fury announced he was leaving the mansion and returning to the SHIELD Helicarrier "where I belong". Working with the super heroes had cost the super-spy his hover car and, now, had almost resulted in his exile from Earth. He could no longer put the planet at risk, he said, by playing by hero rules. "You need me, you call me," he told Cap and Wolverine, "and you know I'll be calling you whenever SHIELD requires. But for now, this is where we part ways."
"Good riddance," Guy Gardner sniffed. "It was getting a little too crowded around here anyway."
Fury left to make his rendezvous with the greatest high-flying sentinel in spy history. He'd taken the controls and begun to re-familiarize himself with the controls when the entire ship rocked side-to-side. The Helicarrier was under attack! Checking the scanners, Nick saw Boba Fett, the bounty hunter, taking pot-shots from the skies... and the Imperial AT-AT walker loosing salvos from below! "There's a price on your head, Fury," Boba Fett announced, "and we intend to collect it!"
The SHIELD Director grinned tightly. "You've just made my day, creep."
A flurry of attack-discs sliced through Fett's rocket pack, putting the hunter out of action. Lowering closer to the ground, Fury used the Helicarrier's arsenal to shoot the Battle Droids off the back of the AT-AT. Two Super Battle Droids boarded the airship - Fury surprised them by transforming it to its base mode, dropping them through the split hull and onto the ground. Then he leaped aboard the sky-cycle and ran them both other. He flew back around to the controls, only to be caught by a surprise explosion!
When Fury recovered, he found himself facing both the Imperial Bomber and Senate Commando stormtroopers. Falling back on his hand-to-hand combat skils, Fury barely managed to defeat both enemies. The Heavy Gunner troops took aim at him next, and the super-spy lured them into the path of carrier's crane-arm. It swung down and took them both out. Finally, Fury used the last attack-disc to blow a leg off the walker, bringing it crashing down. Before its startled pilot could escape, Fury dropped him with a karate chop.
Triumphant, Fury turned... to find himself being stared at by a very shocked Mayor and Captain Fanzone. The entire battle had taken place just outside the city limits - Fury, in his haste, had almost blown his cover! Fortunately, the Mayor and Fanzone were more than willing to hush the whole thing up, provided Fury was prepared to share his intel with the Super Hero City police force. He agreed and the deal was sealed. The Mayor wanted to throw Fury a parade but he declined, leaping back aboard the Helicarrier and soaring into the sky. "A man could get used to this," he sighed happily.
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When I was a kid, I played with toys. As a teenager, I created my own comic books. As I young man I wrote fanfic and, as a father, I play with my daughter's toys. Needless to say I'm pretty happy with how things have circled around.
Greet the Fire as Your Friend,
SF