My Life As A Butterfly - PART TWO
Title: My Life As A Butterfly
Author/Artist: digthewriter
Word Count: 22,300
Pairing: Harry/Draco; Ron/Hermione, Theo/Blaise, Seamus/Pansy, Percy/Oliver, Ginny/Dean, Sirius/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Summary: At the age of seventeen, Harry finds himself falling in love with a detached Draco Malfoy. Through a series of unfortunate miscommunications and gossip, he had a bad falling out (of love), too. Now, years later, can Harry make amends about a misunderstanding? Would Draco forgive him?
READ PART ONE
1st March, 2003Harry places the last of the tools in the toolbox and locks it tight before placing it in the drawer under his work desk. He has to close up shop early tonight because he doesn't want to be late for Ron's surprise birthday party. Turning twenty-three isn't that big of a deal, but during his party Hermione is also going to announce to the family that she's pregnant. It's going to be an amazing time, and he's really looking forward to it.
After he walks out of the front door, he locks it, places a protection spell on the shop, and he looks at the sign again. Lightning Spotters: The fastest brooms in town.
He could have been an Auror, like his dad, or he could have been a Hogwarts Professor, like Remus, but what he prefers most in the world is working next door to Sirius's garage.
After Sirius had opened his bike shop in Diagon Alley, Harry knew he wanted to work with him. Except, he hadn't been all that great with magical motorcycles, or any motorcycles, and he'd always had a passion for flying, so he became a Broom Maker instead. He worked hard for several years, learning the craft, and now his company's brooms were the fastest selling transportation devices in the wizarding world. So much so, even the Aurors in the British Department of Magical Law Enforcement swore by them.
He always looks forward to the orders he receives via owl every few months for a new batch of brooms. And he always looks for the authorised signature on the invoice, even though said endorser hasn't spoken to Harry in nearly half a dozen years.
"Thinking about it again?" Sirius asks, since Harry has been staring at the sign for a while now. He does have the habit of getting lost in his thoughts, and once in a while he allows himself to think of the past. How he could have fixed it, and he didn't.
"Just, you know, the usual," Harry says, shrugging. "It feels like a dream sometimes."
Sirius smiles and places an arm around Harry's shoulder. "But it's a good dream," he says. "Your parents would have been proud."
"You think so?"
"Of course. Your mum used to love watching you zoom around on that tiny broom when you were barely a year old. She would have definitely predicted this happening. Even if I didn't have any influence on you." He winks at Harry and pulls him a bit closer. "You ready? Remus is probably waiting for us."
Harry nods and leans into Sirius's embrace for a moment before pulling away. They walk for a little while, stopping in at their favourite coffee shop, before Apparating home.
He has to shower, change, and pick up Ron's present before heading to the Burrow.
When they arrive home, Remus is waiting on the sofa, already ready, and he raises an eyebrow at Sirius. Sirius hands him his coffee cup and makes his way to the bathroom. Harry laughs at them and heads towards his private flat that is in the attic of the house. He usually comes in through his own private entrance, except for the evenings when he arrives home with Sirius. Given they all have to leave together for the Burrow, it'd probably be best he's ready to go just as soon as Sirius is.
"Is Jérôme meeting us there?" Remus asks when they're all congregated back into the sitting room.
Right. Harry sort of forgot to tell them about that. Jérôme is...was... Harry's boyfriend. Up until yesterday, when Harry realised the relationship was progressing too fast for Harry, and Jérôme thought it was the opposite.
"He...well..." Harry stammers over the words. "No."
"No!" Remus exclaims in obvious disappointment.
"Another one?" Sirius asks jokingly.
"I liked this one," Remus says. "He seemed to really like you, too."
"Yeah. Maybe that was the problem. He might have liked me too much."
"That's ridiculous," Remus says. He always takes the ex-boyfriends' sides; at least Sirius never gets that judgy tone with Harry. "What did you do?"
"What did I do?" It's unbelievable, really. Harry has tried relationships. They just don't work for him.
"He wanted to go on a holiday. He wanted to take me to Paris and meet his extended family."
"What's so wrong with that?" Sirius asks casually. He just seems more curious, rather than cross, like Remus. They both look at him expectantly, and Harry is a bit nervous.
"I was over at his flat the other day, and I overheard him on the Floo, he was speaking to one of his relatives. It was in French, of course, but I understood the basic gist of the conversation," Harry says. He shrugs and makes a face. He really doesn't want to tell them the reason.
"What was it about?" Remus asks, and when Sirius places a hand on his shoulder, he adds, "I mean, if you're comfortable sharing, that is."
"He was saying something about a ring and drawing up the contract for his family's mansion in Chichester. He wanted to add my name on the property-"
"He was going to propose," Sirius says.
"Hmm," Remus says, sounding surprised. "That's rather sudden. I mean you've only been dating for what-"
"Eight months. I mean I hadn't even told him I-"
"Did you?" Sirius asks
Harry shrugs. "I don't know. I would think not if I freaked out-"
The Floo in the sitting room comes to life and Hermione's head is floating in the fire. "Are you lot still at home?"
After assuring Hermione they are on their way, Harry, Sirius, and Remus quickly Disapparate to the Burrow. Their conversation regarding Jérôme, has thankfully, come to an end, and Harry knows there's really not much left to say. Jérôme, just like Ethan before him, and Calvin before that, have all been part of the same pattern. Harry says he's not looking for anything serious, but Harry is loyal and true to the men he dates.
Eventually, they all want something more serious. It's funny, Harry thinks, how things have turned. He doesn't even try to pull anyone anymore, and he still manages to make someone fall in love with him...except for the one that had just shunned him away.
*Ron's surprise party is off to a great start. Everyone is gushing over how much Hermione is glowing and how Ron is such a lucky fellow. Ron, just like his dad, has gone into Law Enforcement and is well on his way to becoming Head Auror. His other brothers are off doing their own thing - George and Fred with their jokes shop, Bill at Gringotts, and Charlie working with Dragons in Romania. It's only Ron and Percy that work at the Ministry.
Ron doesn't talk about him. Not really. Even though Harry knows Ron sees Draco nearly every day. Percy, on the other hand, who has no idea, and is sort of a pompous prick -is always gushing over Draco.
"Draco Malfoy came up with a new filing system for archiving old reports and he's just so brilliant." Percy's face would turn red as if he were getting all hot and bothered over the stationary Malfoy had chosen for the invitations for the latest Ministry ball. "Draco has created a new financial record system to calculate how much the Ministry spends on wand maintenance."
Percy, or Perfect Percy rather, is Junior Assistant to the Minister, and calls Draco his "right hand man." After Hogwarts, Draco had gone into Auror training first, but eventually moved into the more proper role of Office Administrator. According to Percy, he and Draco had become fast friends, and he constantly talked about Draco until Ron had to finally tell him to stop, or rather, "Shut it, Pinhead."
Ron always says Percy makes Draco sound like a glorified secretary, and Hermione, who tends to keep her comments about Draco to herself, is always upset by it. According to her, Draco is a brilliant manager, and has done wonders for the DMLE. Percy only sees one side of it, and despite of how close he claims to be with Draco, it's rather evident Draco isn't close to anyone.
In situations like these, Harry likes to be around Oliver. The more he's with Oliver, the less Draco Malfoy talk there is. There's only so much of gushing over Draco Oliver tolerates from Percy. So Harry knows he's safe there and all they discuss is Quidditch, the next World Cup, and Harry's broom business, which Percy thinks Harry should sell to the Ministry at a discount price.
"Where's Jérôme?" Hermione asks when the evening is beginning to wind down.
"He's gone to France to visit his family," Harry says, which is the truth, partially.
"I thought you were going to go with him." Hermione looks confused, and slightly distracted. She's clearly keeping an eye on Ron, Fred, George, and their dad drinking in the corner.
"Things didn't work out," Harry says softly, hoping it's good enough for Hermione for now. She'll surely visit him at work the next day to discuss it over coffee.
"Another one?" Hermione says. "Why can't they seem to last even a year?"
Harry's starting to wonder about how and when had Hermione started treating Harry's relationships as if they were plants that he kills? Whatever, he was never good in Herbology, anyway.
Harry hesitates. He's not sure what to say now. "I-"
"Ron, no!" Ginny shrieks from the other corner of the room, and Ron is standing over a glass table with Fred and George laughing their heads off, and Arthur nearly passed out on the armchair.
He looks over to the other corner where Percy is curled up with Oliver, and Sirius and Remus are sharing a drink. Sirius locks his gaze with him and mouths the words, "Ready to go?"
Harry shakes his head and gestures towards the garden. He thinks maybe a bit of fresh air would be a good idea.
Dean is holding onto Ginny as she yells at the twins, Hermione is cross with Ron, and everything is normal. Harry opens the door to leave the Burrow and is now face to face with the next-to-last person he expected to see. Pansy Parkinson.
"Oh, hello." Harry looks at her, confused, wondering if she's actually there or if this is just some weird twist of his imagination.
"I was supposed to meet Seamus-"
"There you are!" Seamus walks brushing past Harry and pulls Parkinson in for a kiss.
What? Okay, this is definitely a dream.
"Heya, Harry. You know Pansy, of course. From school." Seamus gives Harry a big grin as he wraps his arm around her waist.
"Of course," Harry says, nodding. He wonders if he should bang his head against the door just to find out if he's dreaming or if this is real.
"I was going to come by earlier, but I was otherwise engaged with prior dinner plans," Parkinson says.
"I didn't know you two were-"
"Yeah, it's new," Seamus says and Parkinson slightly shivers from the cold night air, and Harry gets out of the way so they can come into the house then he closes the door behind them.
So much for the fresh air.
"I ran into Pansy at-" Parkinson elbows Seamus in the ribs and he nearly topples over. "Right. So I asked her out for coffee and since then..."
"Where did you meet?" Harry asks, curious. Up until Seamus had started talking, Harry hadn't cared. Now he's rather eager to know.
"At a party," Parkinson says, nonchalantly. "Something like this one. Except, I'm terribly late."
"Come on, I'll introduce you," Seamus says and he grabs her hand and they walk away.
*On the first of November, Harry receives two different announcements via owls. The first, which he already knows, and it's simply a formality, is the birth announcement of Rose Weasley, who was born on the twenty seventh of October, 2003. The second announcement, comes as a surprise. It's an engagement party invitation from Seamus Finnigan and Pansy Parkinson.
They have been together for longer than Jérôme and Harry, but it's not by much. Evidently, they are willing to get married after dating for less than a year. Harry doesn't know what it says about him, and his own past relationships, but he knows one thing for sure.
This is an invitation to a celebration. It will be formal, but he'll have a reason to be there. He might even have an obligation to talk to Harry. He's one of Parkinson's best friends; he won't be allowed to leave early.
Since the venue, is the Malfoy Manor.
*It's the seventeenth of December and Harry is alone at Grimmauld Place. Remus is on holiday from Hogwarts, so he and Sirius have gone on their annual Christmas trip, leaving Harry alone. They'd started the tradition after Harry'd turned twenty one, because until then they felt guilty about leaving him.
Harry had to all but arrange the Portkey for them to go to Australia, claiming he was now old enough to have his own traditions.
Tonight, though, he wishes his godparents were there with him. He has to go to Seamus and Pansy's engagement party, without a real date, and without a support system.
Harry stares at his robes in the mirror for what seems like the umpteenth time. Should he wear the green tie or the blue? If he wears the green, does it look like he's trying too hard? But the green goes with his eyes, and they are something he gets complimented on all the time. They were what Draco had said he’d miss seeing.
Maybe he should work on bringing out his eyes some more. Maybe Draco will remember how he used to like them too.
There's a knock at the door and now Harry knows he has to leave. He has no time. At least Luna didn't just Apparate into his flat giving him a start. Luna gives him a once over and kisses him on the cheek. "You look very sharp, Harry," she says and holds his hand.
Okay, so maybe he does have a nice date, and a nominal support system. Maybe it'll work, after all.
*The room is decorated lavishly. Floating candles everywhere, and magically sparkled lights that look like fireworks have been frozen up above them. And there's Draco. He looks, Merlin, he looks beautiful. It's been a long while since Harry's had a proper look at him. He's tall, taller than Harry remembers, his hair is parted on the side with strands falling on his face. It's long in the front and short in the back, and it looks like there's different shades of blond there. His nose is still as pointy as Harry had remembered, and he's smiling at Pansy, with his full lips. Lips that Harry obsessed over. Lips, that Harry never got to taste.
How could Harry forget how beautiful he was?
He didn't forget. Not really. He just didn't know that a finer version of Draco could have existed. He should have tried harder. He should have worked more to get him back. How stupid had he been? He could have had him this whole time.
"You're staring," Nott says as he walks over to Harry's side and whispers in his ear.
"I can't help it," Harry admits. "I don't know if I can ever look away."
Harry tries to remember everything he knows, he's learned about Draco in the past six years. He was a Junior Auror but he gave that up in order to improve the training program. He's published books from Plant Potions, to Forensics, to of course Transfiguration. He not only had to amend the Malfoy name, he had to amend the Malfoy name after being eschewed by society for being the gay son of a former Death Eater.
He's only twenty three years old.
He's still fucking beautiful.
"You should say hi," Nott says with a small chuckle.
"And get kicked out of the party before it even starts?" Harry replies, finally tearing his gaze away from Draco to look at Theodore Nott, his friend.
He's grown up too, but Harry sees Nott a lot more than any of his other fellow Hogwarts alums that weren't in his House. Nott's a famous Quidditch player now, and he custom orders all of his brooms from Lightning Spotters.
Nott gives Harry a genuine smile and pulls him in for a hug. "It's good to see you again, Harry."
Harry can see Blaise Zabini watching them from the corner of his eye, so Harry tightens his hold on Nott and gives him another squeeze. "Let's make that husband of yours a bit more jealous," Harry teases, whispering in Nott's ear and Nott slaps him in the arm.
"You'll never change," he says.
"Some things never do," Harry says with a smile before he lets Nott go completely, and watches him walk back to Zabini. Harry winks at Zabini for good measure and turns to find Luna and some Firewhisky.
Not that Harry has ever been to the Malfoy Manor before, but he is sure the huge dining room isn't always set up the way it is now. There are several huge tables placed in a big circle with fifteen chairs each. The head of the room has the table for six where Seamus and Pansy sit with their parents.
Harry is seated with Luna, Neville, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Dean, Fred, George, their dates, along with Katie, Susan, and Lavender.
He can see Draco two tables over, but it’s only his side profile. His jaw twitches a few times as he looks up at the head table, or to the person seated next to him. He never, for once, looks at Harry.
It's like the Great Hall all over again. Except this time, Harry isn't flirting with anyone next to him, just to torture Draco. This time, it's Draco torturing him. Just like he did for the rest of the school year after he'd broken it off with Harry.
It is like the Great Hall, because from the corner of his eye Harry can see his former professor, Severus Snape, glaring at him.
Some things never change.
As far as Harry can tell, Draco isn't here with a date. He's also surprised by the absence of his parents at the party. Harry thinks they might be in France, as they tend to spend their holidays there, but this close to Christmas? He wonders if they don't approve of Pansy's choice in marrying a half-blood.
"I hope you'll talk to him tonight," Luna says as she leans in and whispers in Harry's ear. She's pretending to be picking up the salt shaker placed in front of him and quickly straightens up.
Harry can see Neville's eyes widening with surprise, at what might look like harmless flirtation to anyone else.
"I want to," Harry says, turning to her. His posture is casual and he gives her a soft smile. "Are you going to dance with Neville tonight?"
She gives him half a smirk and picks up her wine glass. "I might."
*The speeches have been made, and the happy couple has thanked everyone for coming. The guests are asked to proceed to the ballroom so the real party can begin. Harry takes his time getting up just so he can see what Draco is doing.
Luna helps him by pretending to have dropped her bracelet on the floor, and Neville is helping her look for it under the table. Bless his friends for existing.
As everyone leaves through the main doors of the dining hall, Harry sees that Draco is not with them. Instead, he's picked up a bottle of Firewhisky and has taken the side door that leads to the garden at the manor. It's December, so surely it must be freezing outside. Draco has probably charmed the veranda with a heating spell and not shared that information with anyone.
He has always been too good with his sneaky spells, hasn’t he?
"I'll see you two later," Harry says and pats Neville on the shoulder before he makes a stop at the centre-piece vase at the head table and picks up a tulip.
He softly opens the door leading out of the dining room and into the small hallway leading to the side of the manor. The door to the veranda is open and Harry sees Draco, his back to Harry, looking out into the snow blanket.
Harry takes a moment to gather his courage. The scent, the thing he's missed for nearly six years keeps rushing back to him. It's so familiar, it's scary. His knees tremble slightly and he can feel his voice waver before he even opens his mouth.
"Draco..."January 1998When Harry wakes up in the morning, there's a note waiting for him at his bedside table. With the style of penmanship his name is written in, he can tell it's from Draco. He has no idea how it got to his room, much less to his bed. Maybe Draco paid someone to bring it over.
Harry quickly gets up, puts on his glasses, and opens the note. It only has five words.
It's over. Don't contact me.
Harry's heart drops into his stomach. What? Is this a joke? Surely, it's a joke. When he'd seen Draco yesterday, he'd been smiling and sweet, and understanding towards Harry. They couldn't be together the night before, but Harry was going to tell him today that he loves him. He was going to tell Draco he wanted to be his boyfriend.
And now this? What had he done wrong?
Harry checks the map and sees that Draco is still in the Slytherin dorms. He quickly gets dressed and waits by the entrance of the Great Hall for Draco. Draco never comes. He's finally dragged into the Hall for breakfast and ten minutes later, Draco is there, accompanied with Professor Snape.
Harry knows he can't talk to Draco right then, but he's going to try later.
In Potions, Draco isn't there. Harry asks around and finds out that Draco attends all the classes he doesn't share with Harry, but he's suddenly sick when Harry is around.
Harry's never been so lost.
Every night, Harry checks the map frantically looking for Draco. Sometimes, he just disappears off the map completely. At other times, he's in the library, but when Harry arrives there, Draco's nowhere to be found. His things wait at the table, and Harry waits there with them. Until he gets kicked for the night. The next morning, Draco's things are gone. It's like he's got his own version of the Invisibility Cloak Harry knows nothing about.
A week passes, Draco is back in the classes, but Harry isn't allowed to approach him. When he tries to approach Draco outside of the class, Draco is always with Professor Snape.
"I think there's something strange going on between Professor Snape and Draco," Harry tells Sirius when he's home over Easter break. Harry only finds out later, that Professor Snape and Draco are staying at Hogwarts over the holiday.
"Strange how?" Remus asks.
"I don't know. I think he's controlling him. Maybe, I don't know-"
"Harry, Snape is a lot of things, but he's not like that. Dumbledore wouldn't have hired him if he didn't completely trust Snape." Remus looks over at Sirius who doesn't look convinced, but nods anyway. "Dumbledore hired a werewolf to teach in his school; I'm sure he's done thorough background checks on all the professors."
"I know. But, you don't see the way he controls Draco. I can't get anywhere close to him. I can't even get one of my friends to give him a note, without Snape interrupting it in its route."
"Maybe..." Sirius begins to say.
"You'd told me that Snape hated my dad when you were at Hogwarts together. Maybe he's taking it out on me-"
"Severus wouldn't do that, Harry. I'm sure he's protecting Draco but he isn't doing it to hurt you," Remus says.
"Maybe you just have to accept the fact that Draco doesn't want to be with you anymore," Sirius says, sombrely. Harry can tell he's not happy saying the words but someone has to.
Harry does have to accept this fact. He knows it. He just can't let go of this so easily.
When he returns to Hogwarts, he tries to let it go. He purports to have moved on. He doesn't look up at Draco when he enters the classroom. His nose is always in his book. He follows the instructions well, and manages to spend his time in the classroom pretending to learn something new.
The only thing he is good at when he's not sulking about, is Quidditch. Harry finds new ways to manoeuvre the broom to do his bidding. He's the Team Captain, and he doesn't have time to think of anything else but the next game. He has to win the House Cup, it's the least he can do.
Still, the familiar scent of Draco haunts him when he sits on the side-lines and watches his team practice. He can't sit still. The smell drives him wild, and he knows if he's not doing something productive, he'll snap.
One night, when Harry's asleep, the scent lingers. He wakes up frantically and looks around the room. His friends are asleep in their own beds and everything seems normal. Harry quickly checks the Marauder's Map, and sees Draco rushing to the Astronomy Tower.
What is he doing there at this time of night? Then Draco starts his pacing. He's pacing like he usually does in his dorm, but now he's in the Astronomy Tower. Harry gets dressed quickly, grabs his Invisibility Cloak and heads out of the Gryffindor common room.
He's following the map as he's under his cloak and Draco is still there. He hasn't moved away. He slowly walks up the steps; it's dark. There doesn't seem to be anyone there, but when Harry turns the light of his wand to his map, Draco's name is there. He's still, but it's there. He has to be here.
Harry follows with the little light that is under his Cloak, and taps his map close. He walks up to the Tower, looking into the sky when he is hit with that scent again. There's the tiny black and green bug on the railing.
It's there. Again. That scent is there. Still. The little bug was there Harry's first night back at Hogwarts.
Harry removes his Cloak and looks down at the bug. The bug stills and scurries back a few steps. What is Harry going to do? Squash it?
He knows.
Harry knows now. How Draco's been able to hide from him for so long. He's been able to hide everything but his scent. He was there and he'd heard Alan. He thinks the worst of Harry and now Harry can't do anything about it.
"If you don't want me, then stop chasing me," Harry whispers as he looks up at the sky. He feels defeated. Shattered. Everything in his body hurts and he collapses on the floor of the Astronomy Tower and loses it.
"Don't chase me when I can't chase you back," Harry mumbles into his hands and buries his face in them. He's not going to cry. He's not. A moment later, the scent has disappeared and Harry turns to his side and falls asleep.
*The sun is starting to shine directly at his face as he's at the highest point of the tower. Harry wakes up and realises where he is. Remembers the night before. He casts a Tempus Charm; it's half five in the morning. He puts his cloak back on and returns to the Gryffindor Tower to sleep his exhaustion off.
The next day, at the Quidditch practice, Alan is there. He's the team Chaser and Harry switches spots with the team Beater. Every time the Bludger comes in his direction, Harry hits it towards Alan. He's taking his frustration out on the one person he can easily place blame it on.
Alan glares at Harry every time he dodges the Bludger, and Harry just shrugs at him and spits out a, "sorry!"
After the break, when Harry is back at being Seeker, he purposely tries to fly by really close to Alan, in order to get him to fall off his broom.
"What is your problem, Potter?"
"I thought that was obvious," Harry sneers. "It's you."
"Just because your boyfriend is too good to suck your cock-oh yeah, that's right. Not your boyfriend anymore. Couldn't even satisfy a virgin, could you?"
Harry holds the front of his broom and tilts it down to give himself speed. He crashes into Alan and they both fall onto the ground where Harry starts to punch Alan with concentrated power.
Everyone is telling him to stop. They're pulling on his arm, his body; they're trying to separate them, but Harry doesn't stop. He punches and punches until he sees blood and Professor McGonagall has to Spell him off Alan.
"What has become of you, Mr Potter?" she spits the words out in disgust. "My office. Now!"
He sits in McGonagall's office with his head hung low. He's just staring at his hands because he doesn't want to look at her. He doesn't want to say anything. She gives him a speech and he just listens, not really knowing what she's saying. It doesn't matter anyway.
Alan's in the hospital wing. He'll need some stitches and has to be there for observation for at least a week. Harry smiles slightly, content, knowing he's done a number on Alan. It won't bring Draco back. It won't change time, and there wasn't really a point in hurting him. But he'd felt in control. And that was good.
"I'm suspending you from the next three games," she says, when Harry hasn't said a word the entire time.
Harry nods in acknowledgement.
"And you're to serve detention with me every Sunday from eleven o'clock until four."
Harry nods again.
"If one more thing like this happens again-"
"It won't," Harry says quickly. "I lost control today, got too competitive. It won't happen again."
He knows it won't happen again. He won't even look at Alan again. Knowing Alan to be the coward that he is, he’ll probably quit the team anyway.
"Can I go now?" Harry asks, looking up at McGonagall for the first time.
"Very well, Mr Potter," she says.
"Thank you, Professor. See you on Sunday." Harry leaves the office and makes his way to the dormitory. He wants to crash there. Sleep and not wake up for a very long time. Every Sunday from now until June. Five hours, every Sunday, for almost twenty Sundays.
He tries to think of something else that will take his mind off this now. Flying. Harry did like the way the broom responded to him on the Pitch. Maybe he'll pick up a few books and start reading about broom making.
As soon as he's at the Fat Lady's Portrait, he sees Remus waiting there for him. PART THREE
Author/Artist: digthewriter
Word Count: 22,300
Pairing: Harry/Draco; Ron/Hermione, Theo/Blaise, Seamus/Pansy, Percy/Oliver, Ginny/Dean, Sirius/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Summary: At the age of seventeen, Harry finds himself falling in love with a detached Draco Malfoy. Through a series of unfortunate miscommunications and gossip, he had a bad falling out (of love), too. Now, years later, can Harry make amends about a misunderstanding? Would Draco forgive him?
READ PART ONE
1st March, 2003Harry places the last of the tools in the toolbox and locks it tight before placing it in the drawer under his work desk. He has to close up shop early tonight because he doesn't want to be late for Ron's surprise birthday party. Turning twenty-three isn't that big of a deal, but during his party Hermione is also going to announce to the family that she's pregnant. It's going to be an amazing time, and he's really looking forward to it.
After he walks out of the front door, he locks it, places a protection spell on the shop, and he looks at the sign again. Lightning Spotters: The fastest brooms in town.
He could have been an Auror, like his dad, or he could have been a Hogwarts Professor, like Remus, but what he prefers most in the world is working next door to Sirius's garage.
After Sirius had opened his bike shop in Diagon Alley, Harry knew he wanted to work with him. Except, he hadn't been all that great with magical motorcycles, or any motorcycles, and he'd always had a passion for flying, so he became a Broom Maker instead. He worked hard for several years, learning the craft, and now his company's brooms were the fastest selling transportation devices in the wizarding world. So much so, even the Aurors in the British Department of Magical Law Enforcement swore by them.
He always looks forward to the orders he receives via owl every few months for a new batch of brooms. And he always looks for the authorised signature on the invoice, even though said endorser hasn't spoken to Harry in nearly half a dozen years.
"Thinking about it again?" Sirius asks, since Harry has been staring at the sign for a while now. He does have the habit of getting lost in his thoughts, and once in a while he allows himself to think of the past. How he could have fixed it, and he didn't.
"Just, you know, the usual," Harry says, shrugging. "It feels like a dream sometimes."
Sirius smiles and places an arm around Harry's shoulder. "But it's a good dream," he says. "Your parents would have been proud."
"You think so?"
"Of course. Your mum used to love watching you zoom around on that tiny broom when you were barely a year old. She would have definitely predicted this happening. Even if I didn't have any influence on you." He winks at Harry and pulls him a bit closer. "You ready? Remus is probably waiting for us."
Harry nods and leans into Sirius's embrace for a moment before pulling away. They walk for a little while, stopping in at their favourite coffee shop, before Apparating home.
He has to shower, change, and pick up Ron's present before heading to the Burrow.
When they arrive home, Remus is waiting on the sofa, already ready, and he raises an eyebrow at Sirius. Sirius hands him his coffee cup and makes his way to the bathroom. Harry laughs at them and heads towards his private flat that is in the attic of the house. He usually comes in through his own private entrance, except for the evenings when he arrives home with Sirius. Given they all have to leave together for the Burrow, it'd probably be best he's ready to go just as soon as Sirius is.
"Is Jérôme meeting us there?" Remus asks when they're all congregated back into the sitting room.
Right. Harry sort of forgot to tell them about that. Jérôme is...was... Harry's boyfriend. Up until yesterday, when Harry realised the relationship was progressing too fast for Harry, and Jérôme thought it was the opposite.
"He...well..." Harry stammers over the words. "No."
"No!" Remus exclaims in obvious disappointment.
"Another one?" Sirius asks jokingly.
"I liked this one," Remus says. "He seemed to really like you, too."
"Yeah. Maybe that was the problem. He might have liked me too much."
"That's ridiculous," Remus says. He always takes the ex-boyfriends' sides; at least Sirius never gets that judgy tone with Harry. "What did you do?"
"What did I do?" It's unbelievable, really. Harry has tried relationships. They just don't work for him.
"He wanted to go on a holiday. He wanted to take me to Paris and meet his extended family."
"What's so wrong with that?" Sirius asks casually. He just seems more curious, rather than cross, like Remus. They both look at him expectantly, and Harry is a bit nervous.
"I was over at his flat the other day, and I overheard him on the Floo, he was speaking to one of his relatives. It was in French, of course, but I understood the basic gist of the conversation," Harry says. He shrugs and makes a face. He really doesn't want to tell them the reason.
"What was it about?" Remus asks, and when Sirius places a hand on his shoulder, he adds, "I mean, if you're comfortable sharing, that is."
"He was saying something about a ring and drawing up the contract for his family's mansion in Chichester. He wanted to add my name on the property-"
"He was going to propose," Sirius says.
"Hmm," Remus says, sounding surprised. "That's rather sudden. I mean you've only been dating for what-"
"Eight months. I mean I hadn't even told him I-"
"Did you?" Sirius asks
Harry shrugs. "I don't know. I would think not if I freaked out-"
The Floo in the sitting room comes to life and Hermione's head is floating in the fire. "Are you lot still at home?"
After assuring Hermione they are on their way, Harry, Sirius, and Remus quickly Disapparate to the Burrow. Their conversation regarding Jérôme, has thankfully, come to an end, and Harry knows there's really not much left to say. Jérôme, just like Ethan before him, and Calvin before that, have all been part of the same pattern. Harry says he's not looking for anything serious, but Harry is loyal and true to the men he dates.
Eventually, they all want something more serious. It's funny, Harry thinks, how things have turned. He doesn't even try to pull anyone anymore, and he still manages to make someone fall in love with him...except for the one that had just shunned him away.
*Ron's surprise party is off to a great start. Everyone is gushing over how much Hermione is glowing and how Ron is such a lucky fellow. Ron, just like his dad, has gone into Law Enforcement and is well on his way to becoming Head Auror. His other brothers are off doing their own thing - George and Fred with their jokes shop, Bill at Gringotts, and Charlie working with Dragons in Romania. It's only Ron and Percy that work at the Ministry.
Ron doesn't talk about him. Not really. Even though Harry knows Ron sees Draco nearly every day. Percy, on the other hand, who has no idea, and is sort of a pompous prick -is always gushing over Draco.
"Draco Malfoy came up with a new filing system for archiving old reports and he's just so brilliant." Percy's face would turn red as if he were getting all hot and bothered over the stationary Malfoy had chosen for the invitations for the latest Ministry ball. "Draco has created a new financial record system to calculate how much the Ministry spends on wand maintenance."
Percy, or Perfect Percy rather, is Junior Assistant to the Minister, and calls Draco his "right hand man." After Hogwarts, Draco had gone into Auror training first, but eventually moved into the more proper role of Office Administrator. According to Percy, he and Draco had become fast friends, and he constantly talked about Draco until Ron had to finally tell him to stop, or rather, "Shut it, Pinhead."
Ron always says Percy makes Draco sound like a glorified secretary, and Hermione, who tends to keep her comments about Draco to herself, is always upset by it. According to her, Draco is a brilliant manager, and has done wonders for the DMLE. Percy only sees one side of it, and despite of how close he claims to be with Draco, it's rather evident Draco isn't close to anyone.
In situations like these, Harry likes to be around Oliver. The more he's with Oliver, the less Draco Malfoy talk there is. There's only so much of gushing over Draco Oliver tolerates from Percy. So Harry knows he's safe there and all they discuss is Quidditch, the next World Cup, and Harry's broom business, which Percy thinks Harry should sell to the Ministry at a discount price.
"Where's Jérôme?" Hermione asks when the evening is beginning to wind down.
"He's gone to France to visit his family," Harry says, which is the truth, partially.
"I thought you were going to go with him." Hermione looks confused, and slightly distracted. She's clearly keeping an eye on Ron, Fred, George, and their dad drinking in the corner.
"Things didn't work out," Harry says softly, hoping it's good enough for Hermione for now. She'll surely visit him at work the next day to discuss it over coffee.
"Another one?" Hermione says. "Why can't they seem to last even a year?"
Harry's starting to wonder about how and when had Hermione started treating Harry's relationships as if they were plants that he kills? Whatever, he was never good in Herbology, anyway.
Harry hesitates. He's not sure what to say now. "I-"
"Ron, no!" Ginny shrieks from the other corner of the room, and Ron is standing over a glass table with Fred and George laughing their heads off, and Arthur nearly passed out on the armchair.
He looks over to the other corner where Percy is curled up with Oliver, and Sirius and Remus are sharing a drink. Sirius locks his gaze with him and mouths the words, "Ready to go?"
Harry shakes his head and gestures towards the garden. He thinks maybe a bit of fresh air would be a good idea.
Dean is holding onto Ginny as she yells at the twins, Hermione is cross with Ron, and everything is normal. Harry opens the door to leave the Burrow and is now face to face with the next-to-last person he expected to see. Pansy Parkinson.
"Oh, hello." Harry looks at her, confused, wondering if she's actually there or if this is just some weird twist of his imagination.
"I was supposed to meet Seamus-"
"There you are!" Seamus walks brushing past Harry and pulls Parkinson in for a kiss.
What? Okay, this is definitely a dream.
"Heya, Harry. You know Pansy, of course. From school." Seamus gives Harry a big grin as he wraps his arm around her waist.
"Of course," Harry says, nodding. He wonders if he should bang his head against the door just to find out if he's dreaming or if this is real.
"I was going to come by earlier, but I was otherwise engaged with prior dinner plans," Parkinson says.
"I didn't know you two were-"
"Yeah, it's new," Seamus says and Parkinson slightly shivers from the cold night air, and Harry gets out of the way so they can come into the house then he closes the door behind them.
So much for the fresh air.
"I ran into Pansy at-" Parkinson elbows Seamus in the ribs and he nearly topples over. "Right. So I asked her out for coffee and since then..."
"Where did you meet?" Harry asks, curious. Up until Seamus had started talking, Harry hadn't cared. Now he's rather eager to know.
"At a party," Parkinson says, nonchalantly. "Something like this one. Except, I'm terribly late."
"Come on, I'll introduce you," Seamus says and he grabs her hand and they walk away.
*On the first of November, Harry receives two different announcements via owls. The first, which he already knows, and it's simply a formality, is the birth announcement of Rose Weasley, who was born on the twenty seventh of October, 2003. The second announcement, comes as a surprise. It's an engagement party invitation from Seamus Finnigan and Pansy Parkinson.
They have been together for longer than Jérôme and Harry, but it's not by much. Evidently, they are willing to get married after dating for less than a year. Harry doesn't know what it says about him, and his own past relationships, but he knows one thing for sure.
This is an invitation to a celebration. It will be formal, but he'll have a reason to be there. He might even have an obligation to talk to Harry. He's one of Parkinson's best friends; he won't be allowed to leave early.
Since the venue, is the Malfoy Manor.
*It's the seventeenth of December and Harry is alone at Grimmauld Place. Remus is on holiday from Hogwarts, so he and Sirius have gone on their annual Christmas trip, leaving Harry alone. They'd started the tradition after Harry'd turned twenty one, because until then they felt guilty about leaving him.
Harry had to all but arrange the Portkey for them to go to Australia, claiming he was now old enough to have his own traditions.
Tonight, though, he wishes his godparents were there with him. He has to go to Seamus and Pansy's engagement party, without a real date, and without a support system.
Harry stares at his robes in the mirror for what seems like the umpteenth time. Should he wear the green tie or the blue? If he wears the green, does it look like he's trying too hard? But the green goes with his eyes, and they are something he gets complimented on all the time. They were what Draco had said he’d miss seeing.
Maybe he should work on bringing out his eyes some more. Maybe Draco will remember how he used to like them too.
There's a knock at the door and now Harry knows he has to leave. He has no time. At least Luna didn't just Apparate into his flat giving him a start. Luna gives him a once over and kisses him on the cheek. "You look very sharp, Harry," she says and holds his hand.
Okay, so maybe he does have a nice date, and a nominal support system. Maybe it'll work, after all.
*The room is decorated lavishly. Floating candles everywhere, and magically sparkled lights that look like fireworks have been frozen up above them. And there's Draco. He looks, Merlin, he looks beautiful. It's been a long while since Harry's had a proper look at him. He's tall, taller than Harry remembers, his hair is parted on the side with strands falling on his face. It's long in the front and short in the back, and it looks like there's different shades of blond there. His nose is still as pointy as Harry had remembered, and he's smiling at Pansy, with his full lips. Lips that Harry obsessed over. Lips, that Harry never got to taste.
How could Harry forget how beautiful he was?
He didn't forget. Not really. He just didn't know that a finer version of Draco could have existed. He should have tried harder. He should have worked more to get him back. How stupid had he been? He could have had him this whole time.
"You're staring," Nott says as he walks over to Harry's side and whispers in his ear.
"I can't help it," Harry admits. "I don't know if I can ever look away."
Harry tries to remember everything he knows, he's learned about Draco in the past six years. He was a Junior Auror but he gave that up in order to improve the training program. He's published books from Plant Potions, to Forensics, to of course Transfiguration. He not only had to amend the Malfoy name, he had to amend the Malfoy name after being eschewed by society for being the gay son of a former Death Eater.
He's only twenty three years old.
He's still fucking beautiful.
"You should say hi," Nott says with a small chuckle.
"And get kicked out of the party before it even starts?" Harry replies, finally tearing his gaze away from Draco to look at Theodore Nott, his friend.
He's grown up too, but Harry sees Nott a lot more than any of his other fellow Hogwarts alums that weren't in his House. Nott's a famous Quidditch player now, and he custom orders all of his brooms from Lightning Spotters.
Nott gives Harry a genuine smile and pulls him in for a hug. "It's good to see you again, Harry."
Harry can see Blaise Zabini watching them from the corner of his eye, so Harry tightens his hold on Nott and gives him another squeeze. "Let's make that husband of yours a bit more jealous," Harry teases, whispering in Nott's ear and Nott slaps him in the arm.
"You'll never change," he says.
"Some things never do," Harry says with a smile before he lets Nott go completely, and watches him walk back to Zabini. Harry winks at Zabini for good measure and turns to find Luna and some Firewhisky.
Not that Harry has ever been to the Malfoy Manor before, but he is sure the huge dining room isn't always set up the way it is now. There are several huge tables placed in a big circle with fifteen chairs each. The head of the room has the table for six where Seamus and Pansy sit with their parents.
Harry is seated with Luna, Neville, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Dean, Fred, George, their dates, along with Katie, Susan, and Lavender.
He can see Draco two tables over, but it’s only his side profile. His jaw twitches a few times as he looks up at the head table, or to the person seated next to him. He never, for once, looks at Harry.
It's like the Great Hall all over again. Except this time, Harry isn't flirting with anyone next to him, just to torture Draco. This time, it's Draco torturing him. Just like he did for the rest of the school year after he'd broken it off with Harry.
It is like the Great Hall, because from the corner of his eye Harry can see his former professor, Severus Snape, glaring at him.
Some things never change.
As far as Harry can tell, Draco isn't here with a date. He's also surprised by the absence of his parents at the party. Harry thinks they might be in France, as they tend to spend their holidays there, but this close to Christmas? He wonders if they don't approve of Pansy's choice in marrying a half-blood.
"I hope you'll talk to him tonight," Luna says as she leans in and whispers in Harry's ear. She's pretending to be picking up the salt shaker placed in front of him and quickly straightens up.
Harry can see Neville's eyes widening with surprise, at what might look like harmless flirtation to anyone else.
"I want to," Harry says, turning to her. His posture is casual and he gives her a soft smile. "Are you going to dance with Neville tonight?"
She gives him half a smirk and picks up her wine glass. "I might."
*The speeches have been made, and the happy couple has thanked everyone for coming. The guests are asked to proceed to the ballroom so the real party can begin. Harry takes his time getting up just so he can see what Draco is doing.
Luna helps him by pretending to have dropped her bracelet on the floor, and Neville is helping her look for it under the table. Bless his friends for existing.
As everyone leaves through the main doors of the dining hall, Harry sees that Draco is not with them. Instead, he's picked up a bottle of Firewhisky and has taken the side door that leads to the garden at the manor. It's December, so surely it must be freezing outside. Draco has probably charmed the veranda with a heating spell and not shared that information with anyone.
He has always been too good with his sneaky spells, hasn’t he?
"I'll see you two later," Harry says and pats Neville on the shoulder before he makes a stop at the centre-piece vase at the head table and picks up a tulip.
He softly opens the door leading out of the dining room and into the small hallway leading to the side of the manor. The door to the veranda is open and Harry sees Draco, his back to Harry, looking out into the snow blanket.
Harry takes a moment to gather his courage. The scent, the thing he's missed for nearly six years keeps rushing back to him. It's so familiar, it's scary. His knees tremble slightly and he can feel his voice waver before he even opens his mouth.
"Draco..."January 1998When Harry wakes up in the morning, there's a note waiting for him at his bedside table. With the style of penmanship his name is written in, he can tell it's from Draco. He has no idea how it got to his room, much less to his bed. Maybe Draco paid someone to bring it over.
Harry quickly gets up, puts on his glasses, and opens the note. It only has five words.
It's over. Don't contact me.
Harry's heart drops into his stomach. What? Is this a joke? Surely, it's a joke. When he'd seen Draco yesterday, he'd been smiling and sweet, and understanding towards Harry. They couldn't be together the night before, but Harry was going to tell him today that he loves him. He was going to tell Draco he wanted to be his boyfriend.
And now this? What had he done wrong?
Harry checks the map and sees that Draco is still in the Slytherin dorms. He quickly gets dressed and waits by the entrance of the Great Hall for Draco. Draco never comes. He's finally dragged into the Hall for breakfast and ten minutes later, Draco is there, accompanied with Professor Snape.
Harry knows he can't talk to Draco right then, but he's going to try later.
In Potions, Draco isn't there. Harry asks around and finds out that Draco attends all the classes he doesn't share with Harry, but he's suddenly sick when Harry is around.
Harry's never been so lost.
Every night, Harry checks the map frantically looking for Draco. Sometimes, he just disappears off the map completely. At other times, he's in the library, but when Harry arrives there, Draco's nowhere to be found. His things wait at the table, and Harry waits there with them. Until he gets kicked for the night. The next morning, Draco's things are gone. It's like he's got his own version of the Invisibility Cloak Harry knows nothing about.
A week passes, Draco is back in the classes, but Harry isn't allowed to approach him. When he tries to approach Draco outside of the class, Draco is always with Professor Snape.
"I think there's something strange going on between Professor Snape and Draco," Harry tells Sirius when he's home over Easter break. Harry only finds out later, that Professor Snape and Draco are staying at Hogwarts over the holiday.
"Strange how?" Remus asks.
"I don't know. I think he's controlling him. Maybe, I don't know-"
"Harry, Snape is a lot of things, but he's not like that. Dumbledore wouldn't have hired him if he didn't completely trust Snape." Remus looks over at Sirius who doesn't look convinced, but nods anyway. "Dumbledore hired a werewolf to teach in his school; I'm sure he's done thorough background checks on all the professors."
"I know. But, you don't see the way he controls Draco. I can't get anywhere close to him. I can't even get one of my friends to give him a note, without Snape interrupting it in its route."
"Maybe..." Sirius begins to say.
"You'd told me that Snape hated my dad when you were at Hogwarts together. Maybe he's taking it out on me-"
"Severus wouldn't do that, Harry. I'm sure he's protecting Draco but he isn't doing it to hurt you," Remus says.
"Maybe you just have to accept the fact that Draco doesn't want to be with you anymore," Sirius says, sombrely. Harry can tell he's not happy saying the words but someone has to.
Harry does have to accept this fact. He knows it. He just can't let go of this so easily.
When he returns to Hogwarts, he tries to let it go. He purports to have moved on. He doesn't look up at Draco when he enters the classroom. His nose is always in his book. He follows the instructions well, and manages to spend his time in the classroom pretending to learn something new.
The only thing he is good at when he's not sulking about, is Quidditch. Harry finds new ways to manoeuvre the broom to do his bidding. He's the Team Captain, and he doesn't have time to think of anything else but the next game. He has to win the House Cup, it's the least he can do.
Still, the familiar scent of Draco haunts him when he sits on the side-lines and watches his team practice. He can't sit still. The smell drives him wild, and he knows if he's not doing something productive, he'll snap.
One night, when Harry's asleep, the scent lingers. He wakes up frantically and looks around the room. His friends are asleep in their own beds and everything seems normal. Harry quickly checks the Marauder's Map, and sees Draco rushing to the Astronomy Tower.
What is he doing there at this time of night? Then Draco starts his pacing. He's pacing like he usually does in his dorm, but now he's in the Astronomy Tower. Harry gets dressed quickly, grabs his Invisibility Cloak and heads out of the Gryffindor common room.
He's following the map as he's under his cloak and Draco is still there. He hasn't moved away. He slowly walks up the steps; it's dark. There doesn't seem to be anyone there, but when Harry turns the light of his wand to his map, Draco's name is there. He's still, but it's there. He has to be here.
Harry follows with the little light that is under his Cloak, and taps his map close. He walks up to the Tower, looking into the sky when he is hit with that scent again. There's the tiny black and green bug on the railing.
It's there. Again. That scent is there. Still. The little bug was there Harry's first night back at Hogwarts.
Harry removes his Cloak and looks down at the bug. The bug stills and scurries back a few steps. What is Harry going to do? Squash it?
He knows.
Harry knows now. How Draco's been able to hide from him for so long. He's been able to hide everything but his scent. He was there and he'd heard Alan. He thinks the worst of Harry and now Harry can't do anything about it.
"If you don't want me, then stop chasing me," Harry whispers as he looks up at the sky. He feels defeated. Shattered. Everything in his body hurts and he collapses on the floor of the Astronomy Tower and loses it.
"Don't chase me when I can't chase you back," Harry mumbles into his hands and buries his face in them. He's not going to cry. He's not. A moment later, the scent has disappeared and Harry turns to his side and falls asleep.
*The sun is starting to shine directly at his face as he's at the highest point of the tower. Harry wakes up and realises where he is. Remembers the night before. He casts a Tempus Charm; it's half five in the morning. He puts his cloak back on and returns to the Gryffindor Tower to sleep his exhaustion off.
The next day, at the Quidditch practice, Alan is there. He's the team Chaser and Harry switches spots with the team Beater. Every time the Bludger comes in his direction, Harry hits it towards Alan. He's taking his frustration out on the one person he can easily place blame it on.
Alan glares at Harry every time he dodges the Bludger, and Harry just shrugs at him and spits out a, "sorry!"
After the break, when Harry is back at being Seeker, he purposely tries to fly by really close to Alan, in order to get him to fall off his broom.
"What is your problem, Potter?"
"I thought that was obvious," Harry sneers. "It's you."
"Just because your boyfriend is too good to suck your cock-oh yeah, that's right. Not your boyfriend anymore. Couldn't even satisfy a virgin, could you?"
Harry holds the front of his broom and tilts it down to give himself speed. He crashes into Alan and they both fall onto the ground where Harry starts to punch Alan with concentrated power.
Everyone is telling him to stop. They're pulling on his arm, his body; they're trying to separate them, but Harry doesn't stop. He punches and punches until he sees blood and Professor McGonagall has to Spell him off Alan.
"What has become of you, Mr Potter?" she spits the words out in disgust. "My office. Now!"
He sits in McGonagall's office with his head hung low. He's just staring at his hands because he doesn't want to look at her. He doesn't want to say anything. She gives him a speech and he just listens, not really knowing what she's saying. It doesn't matter anyway.
Alan's in the hospital wing. He'll need some stitches and has to be there for observation for at least a week. Harry smiles slightly, content, knowing he's done a number on Alan. It won't bring Draco back. It won't change time, and there wasn't really a point in hurting him. But he'd felt in control. And that was good.
"I'm suspending you from the next three games," she says, when Harry hasn't said a word the entire time.
Harry nods in acknowledgement.
"And you're to serve detention with me every Sunday from eleven o'clock until four."
Harry nods again.
"If one more thing like this happens again-"
"It won't," Harry says quickly. "I lost control today, got too competitive. It won't happen again."
He knows it won't happen again. He won't even look at Alan again. Knowing Alan to be the coward that he is, he’ll probably quit the team anyway.
"Can I go now?" Harry asks, looking up at McGonagall for the first time.
"Very well, Mr Potter," she says.
"Thank you, Professor. See you on Sunday." Harry leaves the office and makes his way to the dormitory. He wants to crash there. Sleep and not wake up for a very long time. Every Sunday from now until June. Five hours, every Sunday, for almost twenty Sundays.
He tries to think of something else that will take his mind off this now. Flying. Harry did like the way the broom responded to him on the Pitch. Maybe he'll pick up a few books and start reading about broom making.
As soon as he's at the Fat Lady's Portrait, he sees Remus waiting there for him. PART THREE