FIC: My Life As A Butterfly [Harry/Draco]
Title: My Life As A Butterfly
Author/Artist: digthewriter
Word Count: 22,300
Pairing: Harry/Draco; Ron/Hermione, Theo/Blaise, Seamus/Pansy, Percy/Oliver, Ginny/Dean, Sirius/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Content: This is a Hogwarts-AU, so basically: *There is no second wizarding war. Harry's parents died in the process of successfully defeating Voldemort. Sirius lives. Snape lives. Remus lives. Original characters. Timeline slightly divergent from canon [I said, AU, right?] Mild violence mentioned. Stalkery boys being stalkery. Some crying. Made up rules about Transfiguration. Slightly non-linear timeline. Mention of underage sex. Mention of Harry's promiscuity. Sex in semi-public place. Denial. Pining.*
Created for: The 2015 bottom_draco fest. Transformation: Draco and his various Animagi forms
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This was a tough one to work with. I really thought it was going to be a crack fic, I think when I showed the prompt to any of my friends, they all assumed it was going to be a crack fic and then all this angst happened. HAHA. All my thanks to my betas: josephinestone and williamsnickers for their help.
Summary: At the age of seventeen, Harry finds himself falling in love with a detached Draco Malfoy. Through a series of unfortunate miscommunications and gossip, he had a bad falling out (of love), too. Now, years later, can Harry make amends about a misunderstanding? Would Draco forgive him?
Draco Malfoy knows a great many things. He knows Hermione Granger is the smartest witch he'd ever meet, and if he weren't gay he'd be in love with her; instead, he's just envious of how brilliant she really is. He also knows if she weren't best friends with Ron Weasley, he'd actually be her friend. Except, now he just scowls at them, gets jealous of her intellect and tries not to think about Harry Potter wrapping his arm around her in the Great Hall.
Harry Potter.
Draco Malfoy knows a great many things. He knows to stay the fuck away from Potter.
Being the son of two war heroes that both died in the Wizarding World War, had left Harry Potter an orphan but famous; he'd grown up with his godfather, Sirius Black. Black was a notorious troublemaker in his day and now it seemed, Potter was following in his footsteps. It wasn't just that he was just like Black. According to Draco's godfather, Professor Snape, Potter was also just like his own father, James.
Rumours of Harry snogging three different girls and several blokes during the Yule Ball in Draco's fourth year had spread like wildfire, and then, he'd been put into detention for a year because he'd caused many of the jealous boyfriends, of said girls, to start a fight with him.
"The resemblance is uncanny," Professor Snape had once told Potter about him and his dad in one his classes he'd shared with Draco. He'd also called him 'exceedingly arrogant'. Draco could see that. Potter was all of those things. And that was why Draco stayed away from him.
He tries to tell himself it isn't because Potter is so handsome and popular, there are many other handsome and popular boys in seventh year, it is just that Potter is...dangerous. He'd be bad for Draco.
Very bad.
Except, Potter likes to show up everywhere Draco is and it's getting more and more difficult for Draco to avoid him. Blast the man for looking as good as he does. Draco hates himself for looking, then looking away, and then longing to look again.
Perhaps it's time for him to pass from sight.
--My Life As A Butterfly--
October 1997When Sirius gave Harry the Marauder's Map, Harry never thought he'd use it to find the whereabouts of Draco Malfoy, of all people.
He remembered meeting Draco at Madam Malkin's robes shop, and Draco had been so obedient. He nodded and smiled at everything his mother told him, and then at the Hogwarts Express all the kids wanted to sit in the cabin with Draco. Everyone except for Ron and Hermione, of course. Hermione didn't know anyone on the train, because she was Muggleborn and it was her first time in the wizarding world. And Ron was just jealous of Draco. He is still jealous of his family's money; even though Harry tells him so many times having a loving family is better than having money.
Harry knows that, because he only has Sirius.
Now, years later, Harry sits on his bed, curtains drawn, and stares at the Marauder's Map. Draco Malfoy spends more time at the library than any one he knows. Even Hermione sometimes. He paces around in the Slytherin Common Room for two hours before he settles in for the night. What he's doing, Harry is very curious to know, but doesn't know who to ask. More importantly, he doesn't want anyone to know that he wants to ask. And then, there is the hour he spends in the Astronomy Tower every night. Sometimes at eleven, and other times at two in the morning; there seems to be no pattern to it. How does he never get caught?
Draco always stiffens up when he sees Harry in the Great Hall; they quickly lock gazes and then Draco rushes off. Harry has tried several different experiments during breakfast and lunch in order to see how Draco will react. He places an arm around Hermione and Draco glares. He puts an arm around Neville, leans in to whisper something, and Draco scowls.
During dinner, when Harry doesn't talk much-because Hermione is reading a book and Ron and Ginny are arguing over something Quidditch related-Harry looks at Draco who is in the midst of a story-telling and everyone around him is interested. Even the Head of the Slytherin house, because naturally he loves Draco, and for some reason, hates Harry.
Only at dinner, Draco is carefree. He engages himself with his friends, and that's when Harry likes to watch him the most. Without a Marauder's map, but just his own eyes. He can't stare, though, because then his friends would have millions of questions, and Harry wishes he could sneak under his Invisibility Cloak and really look at him. Maybe one day, he'll sneak into the Slytherin Common Room and find out why Draco paces around so much at night, too.
Harry knows he has a reputation. He's snogged a lot of people; even got off a few times here and there in the boys' bathroom. He doesn't mind the supposed 'bad boy' image everyone's given him; he does have a name to uphold. He's James Potter’s son and was raised by Sirius Black; he's supposed to be loved or envied by everyone. Maybe that's why Professor Snape hates him, too, so he can't let it show he likes Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy, the Hogwarts virgin. The only person more pure than Draco-more uptight and more virtuous-is probably Hermione. And even she holds hands with Ron walking down the hall and grabs his thigh under the table.
*"What's with you and Malfoy these days?" Neville asks casually one evening and Harry's realised that he hasn't been as nonchalant about Draco as he'd originally thought.
He looks at Neville, confused.
"What's your angle with him?"
"I'm just you know..." Harry shrugs.
"You're thinking of being his first," Neville says.
"What?" Harry asks; a question also echoed by Ginny.
"Everyone knows Malfoy is as pure as they come. He studies hard, gets ‘Outstandings’ and ‘Exceeds Expectations’ in everything, and you're not the first bloke who thinks he can seduce him."
"I'm not thinking that," Harry says.
"So you think you can't," Seamus says, joining in. Harry is thoroughly annoyed at this conversation. This is not how he wanted to get together with Draco Malfoy. If he wanted to get together with him, in the first place. Which he does not.
"You're just twisting my words up," Harry protests when Alan laughs along with Seamus.
"I bet..." Dean drawls; great he's also in the gossiping mood now, "you couldn't even get Malfoy to sit with you in the library and go over your homework. The chances of you actually getting anywhere with him is slimmer than none."
Harry stays silent. He doesn't want to react. He won't.
"You're not gonna take that from Dean, are you?" Seamus pushes him.
Harry won't snap. He won't.
"Draco Malfoy has far better sense than to date the likes of someone like you," Hermione says, casually. He knows she's not egging him on, and for some reason, that hurts worse. "Please, like a proper Pureblood wizard would give it up..." She snaps her fingers, "like that."
"What does that mean?" Both Ginny and Ron ask at the same time.
Hermione blushes, looking rather uncomfortable. "You know what I mean..." she says, pleading, hoping Ron would come to her rescue but he just looks annoyed.
Ginny looks purely pissed off. "No, I don't, Hermione. Tell me," she demands.
"Okay, I've had enough," Harry says, cutting in. He doesn't want to see a brawl at the Gryffindor table just yet. He gets up and grabs his things before he makes his way out the Great Hall. He turns his head slightly, and he can see Draco's eyes on him.
*Harry hides in the only place he knows no one will think of look for him. The library. It has nothing to do with the fact that Draco goes to the library for some time after dinner. Harry isn’t trying to catch one more glimpse of him before he heads to the Slytherin dungeons and paces around for two hours before settling in for the night.
The library is very big, and he most likely won't even see Draco there.
"You're sitting at my table."
Harry looks up from his parchment he's just doodling on, and finds Draco staring down at him.
"Excuse me?"
Draco huffs and drops his books on the table. "I sit here."
"I don't see your name anywhere," Harry says.
"I don't see yours either." Draco's scowl refuses to falter, and so does Harry's determination.
"Listen, Malfoy. I'm just sitting here minding my own business. If you want to sit and study at the table, feel free to do so. I didn't know you sat here, and I'm not going to move because I was here first."
Draco frowns and looks around the room. He makes half a step to go and sit at the next table, but changes his mind and, finally, sits down across from Harry. He opens up a few books and is taking notes on his parchment when he looks up again and raises his eyebrow at Harry.
"What do you want?"
"What was the first thing you did when you turned seventeen?" Harry asks, pushing his books aside.
"What?"
"You know. When you became of age and there was no magic trace on you. You could do anything you wanted. What did you do?"
"Why do you want to know?" Draco's eyebrows are all furrowed and his mouth is slightly parted as he stares at Harry.
Harry shifts his gaze from Draco's eyes to his mouth, then back at his eyes. He bites his lower lip slightly before he speaks. "Come on, tell me. Everyone has a story."
"What's your story?" Draco asks. "Did you Apparate to the closest brothel and let them have their way with you?"
"Please," Harry says, rolling his eyes. "Like I need to pay for it." Harry takes a moment to realise just how twisted Draco's mind can be. "Besides, you didn't answer my question."
Draco takes a few minutes to think about the answer. Harry thinks he's probably weighing in the option of whether or not he should tell Harry the truth. Finally, he takes in a deep breath and closes his book.
"If you must know...I placed myself under a Disillusionment charm and went to Knockturn alley."
"What did you do there?" Harry asks in a hushed voice.
"There's a rare potion that the Ministry has banned, it causes temporary condition of Morbilli, measles, amongst the Muggles. I wanted to get it because I wanted to experiment on my plants. To see if I could kill the plant-harming bugs in my mother's garden, but wizards are highly sensitive to Muggle diseases and this potion is forbidden." He gets a faraway gaze in his eyes before he continues. "I also wanted to see if I could create a cure for it."
"So what happened?" Harry asks, excited, and slightly impressed.
Draco shrugs. "I wanted to write a paper on my research but it was a hoax. There was no seller in Knockturn alley, and in turn I only got propositioned for sexual favours in exchange for Galleons."
Harry looks at Draco and he can tell that Draco is lying. There is clearly more to the story and Draco isn't telling it.
"Right," he says.
"What?" Draco asks.
"Whatever," Harry says and opens his book and stares at it, even though he's not reading a word of it. "If you don't want to tell me the truth, then fine. I don't care."
"I just told you what I did."
"It's not the whole story, and don't think I don't know it."
"How do you know it's not the whole story? You weren't there."
"So what's the whole story? Did you let one of those blokes fuck you?" Harry snarls. Draco looks a bit taken aback, and Harry knows he's crossed the line.
After that, they were both sitting quietly at the table, studying. Or at least Draco is studying. Harry reads a chapter of his book, not really registering what it'd stated, and then steals glances at Draco. Draco is almost always scowling at his notes, then writing more notes, then flipping through the book. Harry wants to reach across the table and smooth Draco's eyebrow out.
He snaps his book shut loudly and abruptly stands up. It's time to leave.
"You're finished?" Draco asks, sounding confused. "I didn't even see you write the conclusion of your essay."
"I'm done for the night," Harry says, and starts to pack his things.
Draco doesn’t say another word. He returns to his own homework and it is as if he is pretending Harry isn’t there anymore.
"Will you be here tomorrow night?" Harry catches himself asking, even though he isn't sure why, and he already knows Draco will be there.
"You're not getting the table tomorrow night," Draco replies.
"Do you want to sit together?" Harry asks, frustrated. He doesn’t even know why he is trying. It isn't like he is trying to prove anything. If it is his friends he is worried about, he'd tell them he'd already won that bet because he and Draco had already sat and studied together. Okay, Draco had done the studying, and Harry usually just stared. Secondly, he isn't interested in dating Draco, so it isn't like he is trying to prove to himself he could.
"If you insist," Draco says. "But I won't be answering any more personal questions."
"Fine," Harry says.
"Fine," Draco replies.
"See you tomorrow." Harry is out the door before he can change his mind or do something more irrational. Did he really ask Draco Malfoy if he could study with him? What is he going to tell his friends?
*"You actually finished the essay?" Hermione looks over Harry's homework after he's asked her to read it before he shows it to Draco. The last time he'd wrote the essay, Draco had found several mistakes. This time, Harry wants to be prepared.
"Yeah. What do you think I've been doing when I said I've been going to the library," Harry asks, trying not to sound smug.
"And Sebastian said you haven't come by to see him in over a week," Ron says. "Not that I want to know what you get on with other blokes with, but he was actually pouting."
Harry rolls his eyes. "I told him I was busy."
"So what's his name?" Hermione asks, giving Harry a knowing look.
"What's whose name?" Harry shrugs his coat on before he grabs his bag to head over to the library.
"It's clear you're trying to impress someone. There isn't a girl in this school you'd give that kind of attention to, so it has to be a boy," she says. Ron immediately sits up and gives Harry his undivided attention.
"There's no one. Just..." Shit. He's said too much.
"Ah!" Hermione nearly squeals. "There is someone. You just don't want us to know it matters."
"It's no one," Harry assures her. "I'm just going to go and finish the rest of my homework, so we can all go to Hogsmeade this weekend. All right?" His friends don't look convinced. "Do you two want to come with?"
Ron shakes his head violently. Hermione looks mildly interested but responds with, "I've already finished all my homework and the reading for next week." At that, Ron sighs with a relief and Harry now knows he's in the clear.
He makes his way to the library, already knowing he's late. Ever since the first time Draco had found him at the table studying, Harry has always shown up before Draco, so it's Draco who always has to find an excuse to sit next to him. Now, he knows Draco is going to have that smug look on his face, and Harry will have to make some sort of an excuse to talk to Draco.
Except, when Harry arrives at the library, the table is empty. He immediately checks the Marauder's Map and sees Draco is rushing to the library-not from the Slytherin dungeons but the opposite direction. Harry can only wonder what Draco's been up to. He hasn't consulted the Map in a while to check on Draco.
When Draco is close enough, Harry quickly settles into his seat and brings his books out. He watches as Draco enters the library, but he doesn't immediately come towards Harry. He's looking around, as if he's contemplating finding another table to sit at. He also doesn't look very happy.
"Draco," Harry whispers and waves in his direction. "What are you doing?" He brings his hands up in the air in a questioning, confused, gesture.
Draco eventually walks over and settles in the seat across from Harry. "What?" he snaps.
"I did my essay, I thought you might want to take a look at it."
"Why me? Don't you have friends who read your homework for you?"
Harry looks at him confused. "Yeah. But you said you'd help me, so..."
"Fine," Draco says, angrily, and all but yanks the parchment out of Harry's hand.
"Why are you cross?"
"Why do you care," Draco snaps again. "I'm no one..." He stops himself from saying something else, and then adds, "I don't understand why you keep coming here. Bothering me. You're perfectly capable of doing your homework in your Common Room."
Harry is so confused right now. Where is all this anger coming from? In the past few weeks Harry has been coming to the library, Draco seems to have melted his cool resolve, but it seems to be back with a vengeance tonight.
"I like doing my homework with you," Harry says, as honestly as he can. "You really help me, and, well, if I'm always around, then Ron and Hermione can't be alone..."
Draco groans something fierce. "All right, that's enough." He starts reading the essay and looks lost in the content so Harry leans back and watches him. This is his favourite part. His expression changes from annoyed, to impressed, to confused in a matter of moments, and they're just subtle changes, but Harry seems to find them brilliant nonetheless.
When Draco looks up from the parchment, Harry blurts out, "I want to kiss you."
"Ex-excuse me?" Draco stammers and immediately stands up. He grabs his bag and leaves the library in such haste that Harry isn't even sure if he had actually been there. Except, Draco's quill and ink are still on the desk, so he must have been.
Harry grabs them and rushes out of the library, trying to find Draco.
He's nowhere to be found.
Harry makes his way to the Slytherin dungeons, and he's sure, even if Draco can run fast, he will catch up to him.
He has no such luck.
By the time Harry reaches the dorms, the doors are closing and it's too dark for Harry to see if Draco was there or not. He waits around by the entrance, but no one walks by to let him into the dorm. It's getting too late, and his friends are going to only ask more and more questions so Harry makes his way back to Gryffindor Tower, wondering if he should just keep Draco's quill and ink until the next night.
*When breakfast time arrives, Harry's determined he is going to confront Draco. It's one thing to not want to kiss him, but to run away like that? What a coward. Of course, Harry can't expect Draco to be a Gryffindor like him, but he'd thought that at the least Slytherins had some tact.
When he's in the Great Hall the next day, Draco is surrounded by his friends, and he is laughing and joking as if nothing had happened. As if Harry hadn't scared him away. He is about to get up off the table and walk over to the Slytherins when Professor Snape, of all the people, approaches the table and stops Harry in his tracks.
"Where are you going?" Professor Snape asks.
Harry gestures towards the Slytherin table. "Just to-"
"Don't you have class to get to, Mr Potter? Or have we decided we're too good for it?" Snape's voice is cold and it cuts Harry. Every time he speaks, it cuts Harry. Harry has no idea why Snape hates him so much, but it's clear there's something there that Harry knows nothing about.
Harry shoots one look at the Slytherin table and sees Draco watching him and Professor Snape, so he just shrugs and walks away. There's nothing he can do about it now. He's going to the library tonight, and hopefully Draco will be there and they will be able to talk.
He knows Professor Snape is watching him walk away. Harry can always feel his gaze on him, even if Harry isn't looking. And if he knows anything else, it's that Snape is not going to make it easy for Harry to get to Draco.
*Harry stares at the Marauder's Map, looking for Draco. Draco isn't in the library. He's still in the Slytherin common room. He's been there all night and there seems to be no chance for Harry to be able to talk to Draco tonight.
They share Potions class together; Harry wonders if Snape is going to stop him from speaking to Draco, then. Most likely, so Harry won't even try. He'll just have to do something else.
When it's been over a week, and Harry hasn't had a chance to speak to Draco, he finally decides to take drastic measures. It's Potions, the only class Harry shares with the Slytherins, specifically Draco, so that's when he's going to make his move.
He struts into class as if he hadn't been anguishing over someone for the good part of a week and drops his books next to Theodore Nott. Nott looks up from his notes and eyes Harry suspiciously.
"Hi," Harry says with a soft smile. "Do you mind if we partner up today?" He can feel his friends' gaze on him, along with some of the other students around him. Harry's used to attention. It doesn't bother him, at all.
"I-uh-"
"Zabini is out sick with wizard pox, I know," Harry all but whispers the words into Nott's ears. "He won't mind."
"Erm. Sure," Nott looks at Harry and smiles before he tears his gaze away to look at another table. Harry follows his gaze and sees Nott looking at Draco, who is watching them with a look Harry can't decipher, and Nott shrugs.
"I was supposed to partner up with Draco and Pansy, but I'm sure they won't mind."
Harry's smirk turns into a wide grin. "Brilliant."
Now, Harry can feel both Snape and Draco glaring at him, but he isn't going to show he's noticed. For all that matters, it's business as usual.
As the class progresses, Harry follows Nott's lead. Usually, Hermione is there to tell them what to do, so now he's paying attention, maybe a bit too much attention, to what Nott is doing. He touches Nott's hand purposely, and is glad when Nott doesn't shy away.
Nott gives him instructions, and Harry follows his orders as to what to put in the cauldron and when to do it. He's not really paying attention to what's happening in the class, Potions isn’t his strong suit anyway, but he's still having fun.
When they're nearly done with the assignment, Harry leans real close to Nott to ask him a question. "Do you have-"
"What do you think you're doing, Potter?" Nott asks, finally. He hasn't flinched, raised his voice, or shown any sort of sign he's agitated, but he looks like it. He turns his face in a way so only Harry can see his expression.
"What do you mean?" Harry asks, confused. He takes a small step back. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade together this weekend-"
"What do I mean?" Nott rolls his eyes at Harry. "First, I have a boyfriend. Second, Draco is my friend," Nott says.
"What does Draco have to do with it?" Harry asks.
Nott raises and eyebrow and stares at Harry. He doesn't say a word for a very long time. "I'm not going to let you use me so you can make him jealous."
"I just... I mean, I'm not..." Harry sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Am I that obvious?"
Nott shrugs. "No. I'm very good looking so it would be natural for you to flirt with me. You've managed to snog, shag, or otherwise satisfy quite a few students over the years, so I was just waiting for you to try to pull me. Even though I have a boyfriend. I just didn't think you would after you and Draco..."
"We haven't done anything," Harry says quickly. "Maybe, that's the problem."
Nott snorts. "Draco would never. Not with you anyway."
"Hey, what does that mean?"
"There are obligations Draco is expected to fulfil. All Pureblood children are, but Draco's family was involved in the war with the Dark Lord and they were on the wrong side. It's his responsibility to uphold the Malfoy name. To clear it of any misconducts of the past. He's always concentrated on his studies and if he were to involve himself with someone, it wouldn't be someone like you."
"Why? He's afraid of a little fun?"
"You don't know one thing about Pureblood courtship," Nott says.
"You and Zabini..."
"We've been together for a very long time and if we have progressed into the physical aspect of the relationship, it's because of how we feel about each other. We didn't start touching each other's cocks in the dark corners of the Astronomy Tower at the first chance we got when we realised there was attraction there."
"Oh," Harry says frowning. "You heard about that." Nott just shakes his head at Harry. "So what am I supposed to do?"
Nott raises his eyebrow again. "Do you like Draco?" Harry opens his mouth to say something clever when Nott raises his hand to stop Harry. "Think about your answer. Do you just want to satisfy your own curiosity, or do you like him?"
Harry takes a moment to think it over. "I like him."
"Then, you must stop your antics, like the one you pulled in the library."
"What? When I told him I wanted to kiss him?" Harry scowls. What was so wrong with that? He likes Draco and he wants to kiss him.
"You have to make him trust you. And right now, he doesn't. He was starting to like you, you know. He looked forward to going to the library and reading your badly spelled essays and smiling when you would scowl at his corrections-"
"He told you all of that?"
Nott ignores Harry's interruption. "He thought you had changed. That you weren't the same Boy that always tries to score anymore and actually cared about him. He said he was starting to let his guard down with you when you just flat out-"
"I wanted to kiss him!" Harry says with annoyance. Never has he ever had such a huge problem from trying to get one little kiss from someone.
Nott rolls his eyes and turns his attention to the assignment. It's as though he's given up on trying to reason with Harry.
Harry has no idea why this is such a big deal. According to Sirius, he and Remus fooled around with other boys until they were both genuine about getting together. He knows his parents, on the other hand, had only had eyes for each other. Maybe he would have been a different person if Harry's parents were still alive. All he has is his godfather Sirius, and Harry looks up to him.
Maybe he can ask Sirius about this next time they see each other, but he already knows what Sirius would say. "Do what your heart tells you and don't give an arse about what others think."
"How am I supposed to fix this if Draco won't even talk to me anymore?" His heart's telling him to fix it, he just doesn't know how.
Nott takes a deep breath and his brows wrinkle as if he's deep in thought. "Well, not flirting with Draco's friends would be step one."
Harry rolls his eyes and stirs the cauldron. "How do you know so much anyway?"
"Draco and I have been friends since we were five years old. Our families grew up together, and we spent almost every summer together since then. He's told me about..." he hesitates for a moment.
"Has he talked to you about me before? Before the library incident, I mean."
Nott smiles as if Harry has no idea what he's getting himself into. "He's talked about you since the day you met at Madam Malkin's."
Harry tries to remember that day over six years ago, when he was waiting for Sirius during his robe fitting, with Draco next to him, standing straight up, nose in the air. Harry doesn't remember what they'd talked about except for maybe what House they were going to get sorted into. Harry had said he wanted to be in Gryffindor because of his parents and godparents. Draco had all but sniffed and turned away.
Harry is about to say something to Nott again when Professor Snape's dry voice cuts in. "Mr Potter, if you are going to just stand here and distract Mr Nott from doing his work, then I will just have you return to your former group. Perhaps copying off Ms Granger's work is far better than flirting with a capable student that has a bright future in Potions."
Harry can't help himself. He holds his head high and speaks, "Professor, if all I wanted to do was flirt with a student that has a bright future in Potions, then I would have asked to be partnered up with Malfoy."
If Professor Snape's sneer is anything to go by, Harry knows he's just landed himself in detention. Luckily, Seamus's cauldron bursts, taking all the attention away from Harry, and Snape rushes over to Dean and Seamus's working station.
Every student is looking over at the destroyed cauldron and desk when Harry turns to look at Draco, who is looking right at him. Harry gives him half a smile and shrugs as if he's trying to tell Draco he's really just that hopeless.
Draco smiles back and shakes his head before he returns to his things and starts to pack them in his carrier. Harry quickly does the same, and he's the first one out the door when class is dismissed because he wants to wait for Draco in the hallway.
*It's been a week and Harry is finally getting to spend more time with Draco. They go back to their normal routine of studying in the library, and most days Harry walks Draco back to the entrance of the Slytherin dungeons, where they say goodnight.
They barely talk about anything but schoolwork. Once in a while Harry mentions something cheesy or romantic Ron did for Hermione, and Draco shares the romantic tales of his friends, especially Zabini and Nott.
Draco tells him sharing a room with the two boys that are boyfriends can be hectic sometimes, and he has to hang around the common room while Nott and Zabini are "otherwise occupied." The rest of the boys that share the room with them also find others things to do.
Now Harry knows why he sees Draco pacing around in the Slytherin dorms at night.
*During the Hogsmeade weekend, Harry is out with his friends when he spots Draco with Nott, who gives Harry a nod, Zabini, Parkinson and some other boy Harry doesn't know. Parkinson is hanging off this bloke's arm, and Zabini and Nott seem to be having a private conversation. Harry waves and locks eyes with Draco, who smiles back and waves as if he's just going through the motions of being out there. Harry can imagine how frustrating it can be when all your friends are paired off and you are the only one that isn't.
In the past, Harry would have found someone to fool around with in the alley behind Honeydukes, but since he's told Nott that he actually likes Draco, trying to get off with someone isn't doing it for him.
"Hey, do you want to go for a walk?" Harry approaches Draco and asks him. His group of friends notice Harry's not with them anymore and they all stop to gape. Draco's friends are not very subtle, either.
This is the first time Harry has publicly acknowledged Draco in a setting where they aren't insulting each other.
"I..." The conflicted look on Draco's face makes Harry cringe. What if he says no? His friends’ words from weeks before are ringing in Harry's ears.
...a chance of you actually getting anywhere with him is slimmer than none.
Draco Malfoy has far better sense than dating the likes of someone like you...
Harry reaches over and brushes his hand against Draco's arm. "Come on, I'll buy you a Butterbeer."
Draco looks down at Harry's hand on his arm before he looks up at Nott. Harry follows his gaze and sees Nott nod at Draco. "Okay," Draco says and his friends start to walk away while Harry's friends are still staring.
Harry shakes his head at them and turns to take Draco's hand in his own. He's nervous as hell, and he prays that Draco doesn't dismiss him - at least not in front of his friends.
They enter Madam Rosmerta's when Draco turns to Harry and says, "I don't care for Butterbeer."
Harry grins widely. At least that isn't something he'd say in front of his friends. "What would you like then?"
"Coffee," Draco answers.
"Brilliant," Harry says.
*They still sit in the library across from each other, but now Harry's leg rests against Draco's. They do their homework and gossip about the teachers, and Draco is even kind enough to listen to Harry grouse about Snape and takes it in stride. Walking to class together after breakfast is now a routine, and so is holding hands and walking to the Slytherin dungeons after their library sessions. Harry sees Draco off to his dorm almost every night, and almost every night, he leans in for a kiss, but Draco turns his face and offers his cheek instead.
Nott's told him it's a trust thing. If Draco still hasn't kissed Harry yet, then it just means he still doesn't completely trust him. Harry has no idea how long he can hold on for. But then, in the morning, Harry sees Draco's smile when Harry approaches the Slytherin table to walk him to class, and Harry knows perhaps, he can hold on for just a little bit longer.
There's gossip, of course, that Harry is deceiving Draco, and he's seeing someone else behind Draco's back. Surprisingly, Draco is far more trusting than Harry deserves. He still gets into the habit of flirting with boys in his classes, but it never amounts to anything, because he knows he doesn't want to be that kind of a bloke anymore. Sure, he's been a free spirit in the past, but he's never cheated on anyone. He's always been upfront and he knows he needs to give Draco the same amount of respect. He's assured Draco that he can trust Harry, and Draco seems to take his word for it.
At night, Harry checks the Marauder's map. Most of the time, Draco is settled in one place, and then there are the nights when he's pacing around. Mostly in the common room. Harry wishes he could be there with Draco. Maybe they could sit together on the sofa and talk while Zabini and Nott are having their "time alone." He wonders if he could ever bring Draco back to the Gryffindor Tower with him. What would it be like to sleep in his bed with Draco?
Harry puts the map away, takes off his glasses, and casts a silencing charm around his bed.
He closes his eyes and he even though doesn't want to--he thinks about Draco. The weight of his knee against Harry's when they sit next to each other. The softness, and the warmth of his skin against his own. Harry's started to get bolder with Draco when they are alone. Placing his arm around Draco's waist, pulling him closer, kissing his neck. Draco allows most of it to an extent and out of the blue, Harry can smell Draco's scent in the room.
He opens his eyes, thinking maybe he'd just fallen asleep and thought Draco was there. He's still in his room and it's dark. He thinks he can still smell Draco there, though. Merlin, Harry has it bad.
He bites his lower lip as his hand reaches down and slips under his trousers. Just thinking about kissing Draco, his familiar scent, makes Harry hard. He starts to stroke himself, brushing his thumb on the head of his cock as he imagines Draco looking at him while he's doing it. He lets a small moan escape him when he imagines what it would be like if Draco wrapped his lips around Harry's cock.
His strokes are harsher and he wants to be with Draco so badly. "Please," he whispers to himself as if Draco is there, and Harry is begging for Draco to take him. He wants Draco's mouth around his cock, Merlin, he wants to lick and suck Draco off too. Harry's never fantasised about pleasuring someone before. Most of the time, he does it because it's expected of him, but when he's alone and he wants to get off, he thinks about what that bloke would do to him. But now? Now he wants to suck Draco off. He wants Draco to grab Harry's hair and push his cock in and out of Harry's mouth until he comes, and then Harry would bend him over and fuck Draco.
He thinks about how he's going to do it. He's going to have Draco on his knees, taking in his scent, before he'd open Draco up with his tongue. First his tongue, then his fingers, and when finally Draco would be begging for it, Harry would slide his cock in.
Harry arches up. The thought of being inside Draco pushes him over the edge, and he's coming all over his hand, mumbling Draco's name.
"What am I doing?" He knows he's torturing himself. He hasn't even kissed Draco yet, and he's already dreaming about being with him. The way Draco is with him, Harry doesn't know when he'll be able to gain all of his trust and be allowed in.
When he's just about done cleaning up, Harry hears some rustling on his bed. He can't seem to locate where it's coming from. After casting a Lumos, Harry sees a small black and green bug sneak under his pillow. He has no idea where the little critter came from. When he picks up his pillow, the bug makes a dash off Harry's bed, it quickly climbs up the wall and is out the window before Harry can even wrap his head around it.
It isn't the first time Harry's seen this tiny little bug near him. He's seen it in the common room, the benches near the Quidditch pitch, and now in his bedroom. If he didn't know any better, Harry would think the little thing was stalking him.
What if it heard Harry wanking? Could little creatures tell when you were pleasuring yourself? This isn't a question Harry can ask Hermione, and if he were to look it up in the library, he wouldn't even know where to start.
Worn out and agitated, Harry checks the Marauder's map again. As always, he's looking for Draco. Instead of being in his bed, Harry sees Draco walking around again. This time, he isn't pacing around in circles but in a straight line. He's moving really fast. After all this time, he still has no idea what goes on in Draco's head, and he finds himself longing for his boyfriend.
Boyfriend. It's the first time Harry's thought of Draco like that. Does Draco think of Harry as his boyfriend, too?
*"It wasn't a Disillusionment charm," Draco says out of the blue one evening when they're alone in the library. Still, they're holding hands under the table.
"What?" Harry asks in confusion. This sounds important and vaguely familiar, but Harry has no idea what it is that Draco is talking about.
"On my birthday. I said I'd used the charm to go Knockturn alley."
"Oh, so what did you use?"
"I'd simply changed my appearance," Draco says, and he's a bit tense so Harry knows not to push too much.
"Into what?" Harry asks. Draco makes a contemplative face but doesn't respond. "Okay, did you really go looking for that potion or was there something else, too?"
"Hmm," Draco says looking away.
Harry's about to ask one more question when Hermione walks into the library, and Draco lets go of Harry's hand.
*Christmas break is the toughest.
The ride back to King's Cross Station is pleasant because now all of Harry's friends are paired off, along with all of Draco's friends. So if Draco and Harry sneak away for some alone time, they don't have to feel bad about abandoning someone.
Draco grabs Harry by the arm and takes him to the very last compartment. They are alone only for a few minutes, and Draco leans closer, opens his mouth to say something, when Luna interrupts them.
Harry groans with frustration, because he'd thought Draco was finally going to kiss him. Inadvertently, his reaction upsets Draco when Luna turns around to walk away.
"I didn't mean it," Harry says, running after Luna who isn't upset that Harry got frustrated, but because she had obviously interrupted a special moment.
Harry knows the special moment is now lost.
They hug goodbye on the train because Draco is worried what his parents would say if he got off the train with Harry. Harry knows Sirius wouldn't have cared, and he probably is going to tell Sirius all about Draco, anyway. Still, the last thing he wants to do is start a fight right before Christmas.
Draco kisses Harry on the cheek and leans in to whisper in his ear. "I'll miss your eyes."
They promise to write to each other, and they do. Harry talks about working on motorcycles with Sirius, and Draco writes about new spells he's trying. What those spells are, Draco never shares.
The things Draco does share are his feelings. Every time he writes to Harry, he tells him about how much he misses the little things Harry does. He misses being alone with Harry, the way Harry kisses his neck, bites his ear and always wants to touch him.
The letters begin to get more and more heated, and Harry finds himself reading them in his bed. He can't read them when he's around anyone else, because they make Harry ache for Draco.
Harry doesn't understand how he can want Draco as much, when they haven't even kissed. They haven't done anything but spend time with each other, and hold hands. If he were to tell anyone about this, surely they'd think he was a fool.
How can he ache for Draco? How can he think he might even love him when they aren't even proper boyfriends?
Still, if Draco's letters are anything to go by, he knows they are going to take their relationship further after the holidays.
Harry buys Draco a pocket watch for Christmas and owls it to him for the holiday.
"Counting down to the minutes to when we can be together again. HP"
In return, Draco sends Harry a picture of himself holding the watch and looking at it.
"Counting down to the minutes to when I can give you your Christmas present. DM"
Harry can only imagine finally being able to kiss Draco.
*On the way back to Hogwarts, Harry's friends demand he sit with them during the ride, and Draco's friends do the same. Harry promises to come and see Draco first thing after the Welcome Back Feast.
Draco says he understands, but Harry can see the disappointment on his face. Then every time he says "to hell with them," Draco insists it really is okay.
Things are chaotic the first night and Harry isn't able to see Draco, after all. All students are ordered to return to their dormitories immediately after the Feast. They haven't told the students why, but there is speculation that the carnivore spiders from the Forbidden Forest have been set loose and Ron has just about lost all his marbles.
Harry and his friends gather around in the boys' dormitory and play games. Harry wishes he could be with Draco, but it's nice to be with his friends too.
"So Harry, how long are you going to keep up this relationship with Malfoy?" Alan asks with both eyebrows raised. Alan always starts arguments with Harry, egging Harry on. He's sure Alan's always just been jealous of him, and he doesn't understand what Alan's problem is now. Ever since Harry's been with Draco, he hasn't tried to pull anyone else. Alan has all the free reign he desires.
"Why are you waiting around for my sloppy seconds?" Harry asks and Seamus makes a noise as if Alan's just been challenged.
"Please," Alan says, rolling his eyes. "I like having sex. I don't have time for a bloke that won't even touch my prick."
Harry narrows his eyes at Alan.
When Seamus stops laughing he asks, "It's not true, is it?"
"What?" Harry snaps. He doesn't want to talk about his sex life, or lack thereof, with his friends. And Alan is not his friend. He hasn't even told Ron and Hermione that he and Draco haven't kissed yet. Harry knows his friends are just speculating, given what they all know about Pureblood traditions, and he's not going to fuel the fire.
"Don't tell me," Dean says, "You've been fooling around with blokes and girls since our fourth year. There isn't a bent Hogwarts student you haven't kissed, and now you've settled down and what? Become celibate?"
"I'm not going to talk about this with you," Harry says and turns to look out the window next to his bed. The black and green bug from the other night is back. The bug seems to retreat when Harry reaches for it, so Harry leaves it alone. He smiles at the bug and turns to look at his friends again, who are gaping at him.
"I bet you're just leading the poor bloke on," Alan says in an accusing tone. "I bet that Pureblood ponce doesn't even know that once you fuck him, you won't look back."
"That's cold, Harry," Seamus says with an amusing tone.
"I'm not-" Harry knows he doesn't have to defend himself. The more he says, the more guilty he looks. "What makes you think we're not already fucking?"
"Because if you were, then you would have been with him at the Hogwarts Express. I know about you and Sebastian in the loo on the train. You would have found Malfoy and made him suck you off like you did with Seb!"
"Seb?" Harry says, with an eyebrow raised. "I thought you said you weren't interested in my sloppy seconds, Alan."
"Whatever," Alan says, ignoring Harry. "Poor Malfoy. You're making him wait for it. So he's there, begging you to fuck him so you can just use him - that pretty little mouth of his - and then find some other mouth."
Harry closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. He's not going to stoop to Alan's level. Alan's a Prefect and if he starts a fight with him, he'll only report Harry to the Headmaster.
As he releases his breath, Harry notices something familiar. The same scent as before. The one that reminds him of Draco is in the room. He turns to look out the window again, and he sees the little bug pacing around in circles. It's agitated. Harry knows how it feels.
"Please. Believe what you want. You're just wishing, waiting for me to dump Malfoy so you can go after him. He's only going to tell you-you can't fuck half as good as me. So don't even think about it."
"So is that what you're going to do?" Seamus asks eagerly. "Are you going to fuck and drop Malfoy?"
"What? No!" Harry retorts. "I like him, okay? I am not going to dump him."
Harry shakes his head, annoyed beyond belief, and then he looks for his little friend on the window sill again. The bug is gone. So is the scent that reminds him of Draco. Harry wonders if the bug flies around Hogwarts, collecting scents and maybe it’s been to the Slytherin dungeons before coming to the Gryffindor Tower. He wonders if the bug lets Draco play with it and that's why it reminds Harry of him.
God, all Harry wants to do right now is go to Draco.
"I'm calling it a night," Harry says and pulls the curtains down on his bed, grabbing his Marauder's Map. He's looking for Draco, and Draco is in the Slytherin dorms, still. He's probably sleeping, Harry figures. He's going to go find Draco first thing the next day, and get that kiss. He's going to tell Draco he loves him. He's going to ask Draco to be his boyfriend. PART TWO
Author/Artist: digthewriter
Word Count: 22,300
Pairing: Harry/Draco; Ron/Hermione, Theo/Blaise, Seamus/Pansy, Percy/Oliver, Ginny/Dean, Sirius/Remus
Rating: NC-17
Content: This is a Hogwarts-AU, so basically: *There is no second wizarding war. Harry's parents died in the process of successfully defeating Voldemort. Sirius lives. Snape lives. Remus lives. Original characters. Timeline slightly divergent from canon [I said, AU, right?] Mild violence mentioned. Stalkery boys being stalkery. Some crying. Made up rules about Transfiguration. Slightly non-linear timeline. Mention of underage sex. Mention of Harry's promiscuity. Sex in semi-public place. Denial. Pining.*
Created for: The 2015 bottom_draco fest. Transformation: Draco and his various Animagi forms
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This was a tough one to work with. I really thought it was going to be a crack fic, I think when I showed the prompt to any of my friends, they all assumed it was going to be a crack fic and then all this angst happened. HAHA. All my thanks to my betas: josephinestone and williamsnickers for their help.
Summary: At the age of seventeen, Harry finds himself falling in love with a detached Draco Malfoy. Through a series of unfortunate miscommunications and gossip, he had a bad falling out (of love), too. Now, years later, can Harry make amends about a misunderstanding? Would Draco forgive him?
Draco Malfoy knows a great many things. He knows Hermione Granger is the smartest witch he'd ever meet, and if he weren't gay he'd be in love with her; instead, he's just envious of how brilliant she really is. He also knows if she weren't best friends with Ron Weasley, he'd actually be her friend. Except, now he just scowls at them, gets jealous of her intellect and tries not to think about Harry Potter wrapping his arm around her in the Great Hall.
Harry Potter.
Draco Malfoy knows a great many things. He knows to stay the fuck away from Potter.
Being the son of two war heroes that both died in the Wizarding World War, had left Harry Potter an orphan but famous; he'd grown up with his godfather, Sirius Black. Black was a notorious troublemaker in his day and now it seemed, Potter was following in his footsteps. It wasn't just that he was just like Black. According to Draco's godfather, Professor Snape, Potter was also just like his own father, James.
Rumours of Harry snogging three different girls and several blokes during the Yule Ball in Draco's fourth year had spread like wildfire, and then, he'd been put into detention for a year because he'd caused many of the jealous boyfriends, of said girls, to start a fight with him.
"The resemblance is uncanny," Professor Snape had once told Potter about him and his dad in one his classes he'd shared with Draco. He'd also called him 'exceedingly arrogant'. Draco could see that. Potter was all of those things. And that was why Draco stayed away from him.
He tries to tell himself it isn't because Potter is so handsome and popular, there are many other handsome and popular boys in seventh year, it is just that Potter is...dangerous. He'd be bad for Draco.
Very bad.
Except, Potter likes to show up everywhere Draco is and it's getting more and more difficult for Draco to avoid him. Blast the man for looking as good as he does. Draco hates himself for looking, then looking away, and then longing to look again.
Perhaps it's time for him to pass from sight.
--My Life As A Butterfly--
October 1997When Sirius gave Harry the Marauder's Map, Harry never thought he'd use it to find the whereabouts of Draco Malfoy, of all people.
He remembered meeting Draco at Madam Malkin's robes shop, and Draco had been so obedient. He nodded and smiled at everything his mother told him, and then at the Hogwarts Express all the kids wanted to sit in the cabin with Draco. Everyone except for Ron and Hermione, of course. Hermione didn't know anyone on the train, because she was Muggleborn and it was her first time in the wizarding world. And Ron was just jealous of Draco. He is still jealous of his family's money; even though Harry tells him so many times having a loving family is better than having money.
Harry knows that, because he only has Sirius.
Now, years later, Harry sits on his bed, curtains drawn, and stares at the Marauder's Map. Draco Malfoy spends more time at the library than any one he knows. Even Hermione sometimes. He paces around in the Slytherin Common Room for two hours before he settles in for the night. What he's doing, Harry is very curious to know, but doesn't know who to ask. More importantly, he doesn't want anyone to know that he wants to ask. And then, there is the hour he spends in the Astronomy Tower every night. Sometimes at eleven, and other times at two in the morning; there seems to be no pattern to it. How does he never get caught?
Draco always stiffens up when he sees Harry in the Great Hall; they quickly lock gazes and then Draco rushes off. Harry has tried several different experiments during breakfast and lunch in order to see how Draco will react. He places an arm around Hermione and Draco glares. He puts an arm around Neville, leans in to whisper something, and Draco scowls.
During dinner, when Harry doesn't talk much-because Hermione is reading a book and Ron and Ginny are arguing over something Quidditch related-Harry looks at Draco who is in the midst of a story-telling and everyone around him is interested. Even the Head of the Slytherin house, because naturally he loves Draco, and for some reason, hates Harry.
Only at dinner, Draco is carefree. He engages himself with his friends, and that's when Harry likes to watch him the most. Without a Marauder's map, but just his own eyes. He can't stare, though, because then his friends would have millions of questions, and Harry wishes he could sneak under his Invisibility Cloak and really look at him. Maybe one day, he'll sneak into the Slytherin Common Room and find out why Draco paces around so much at night, too.
Harry knows he has a reputation. He's snogged a lot of people; even got off a few times here and there in the boys' bathroom. He doesn't mind the supposed 'bad boy' image everyone's given him; he does have a name to uphold. He's James Potter’s son and was raised by Sirius Black; he's supposed to be loved or envied by everyone. Maybe that's why Professor Snape hates him, too, so he can't let it show he likes Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy, the Hogwarts virgin. The only person more pure than Draco-more uptight and more virtuous-is probably Hermione. And even she holds hands with Ron walking down the hall and grabs his thigh under the table.
*"What's with you and Malfoy these days?" Neville asks casually one evening and Harry's realised that he hasn't been as nonchalant about Draco as he'd originally thought.
He looks at Neville, confused.
"What's your angle with him?"
"I'm just you know..." Harry shrugs.
"You're thinking of being his first," Neville says.
"What?" Harry asks; a question also echoed by Ginny.
"Everyone knows Malfoy is as pure as they come. He studies hard, gets ‘Outstandings’ and ‘Exceeds Expectations’ in everything, and you're not the first bloke who thinks he can seduce him."
"I'm not thinking that," Harry says.
"So you think you can't," Seamus says, joining in. Harry is thoroughly annoyed at this conversation. This is not how he wanted to get together with Draco Malfoy. If he wanted to get together with him, in the first place. Which he does not.
"You're just twisting my words up," Harry protests when Alan laughs along with Seamus.
"I bet..." Dean drawls; great he's also in the gossiping mood now, "you couldn't even get Malfoy to sit with you in the library and go over your homework. The chances of you actually getting anywhere with him is slimmer than none."
Harry stays silent. He doesn't want to react. He won't.
"You're not gonna take that from Dean, are you?" Seamus pushes him.
Harry won't snap. He won't.
"Draco Malfoy has far better sense than to date the likes of someone like you," Hermione says, casually. He knows she's not egging him on, and for some reason, that hurts worse. "Please, like a proper Pureblood wizard would give it up..." She snaps her fingers, "like that."
"What does that mean?" Both Ginny and Ron ask at the same time.
Hermione blushes, looking rather uncomfortable. "You know what I mean..." she says, pleading, hoping Ron would come to her rescue but he just looks annoyed.
Ginny looks purely pissed off. "No, I don't, Hermione. Tell me," she demands.
"Okay, I've had enough," Harry says, cutting in. He doesn't want to see a brawl at the Gryffindor table just yet. He gets up and grabs his things before he makes his way out the Great Hall. He turns his head slightly, and he can see Draco's eyes on him.
*Harry hides in the only place he knows no one will think of look for him. The library. It has nothing to do with the fact that Draco goes to the library for some time after dinner. Harry isn’t trying to catch one more glimpse of him before he heads to the Slytherin dungeons and paces around for two hours before settling in for the night.
The library is very big, and he most likely won't even see Draco there.
"You're sitting at my table."
Harry looks up from his parchment he's just doodling on, and finds Draco staring down at him.
"Excuse me?"
Draco huffs and drops his books on the table. "I sit here."
"I don't see your name anywhere," Harry says.
"I don't see yours either." Draco's scowl refuses to falter, and so does Harry's determination.
"Listen, Malfoy. I'm just sitting here minding my own business. If you want to sit and study at the table, feel free to do so. I didn't know you sat here, and I'm not going to move because I was here first."
Draco frowns and looks around the room. He makes half a step to go and sit at the next table, but changes his mind and, finally, sits down across from Harry. He opens up a few books and is taking notes on his parchment when he looks up again and raises his eyebrow at Harry.
"What do you want?"
"What was the first thing you did when you turned seventeen?" Harry asks, pushing his books aside.
"What?"
"You know. When you became of age and there was no magic trace on you. You could do anything you wanted. What did you do?"
"Why do you want to know?" Draco's eyebrows are all furrowed and his mouth is slightly parted as he stares at Harry.
Harry shifts his gaze from Draco's eyes to his mouth, then back at his eyes. He bites his lower lip slightly before he speaks. "Come on, tell me. Everyone has a story."
"What's your story?" Draco asks. "Did you Apparate to the closest brothel and let them have their way with you?"
"Please," Harry says, rolling his eyes. "Like I need to pay for it." Harry takes a moment to realise just how twisted Draco's mind can be. "Besides, you didn't answer my question."
Draco takes a few minutes to think about the answer. Harry thinks he's probably weighing in the option of whether or not he should tell Harry the truth. Finally, he takes in a deep breath and closes his book.
"If you must know...I placed myself under a Disillusionment charm and went to Knockturn alley."
"What did you do there?" Harry asks in a hushed voice.
"There's a rare potion that the Ministry has banned, it causes temporary condition of Morbilli, measles, amongst the Muggles. I wanted to get it because I wanted to experiment on my plants. To see if I could kill the plant-harming bugs in my mother's garden, but wizards are highly sensitive to Muggle diseases and this potion is forbidden." He gets a faraway gaze in his eyes before he continues. "I also wanted to see if I could create a cure for it."
"So what happened?" Harry asks, excited, and slightly impressed.
Draco shrugs. "I wanted to write a paper on my research but it was a hoax. There was no seller in Knockturn alley, and in turn I only got propositioned for sexual favours in exchange for Galleons."
Harry looks at Draco and he can tell that Draco is lying. There is clearly more to the story and Draco isn't telling it.
"Right," he says.
"What?" Draco asks.
"Whatever," Harry says and opens his book and stares at it, even though he's not reading a word of it. "If you don't want to tell me the truth, then fine. I don't care."
"I just told you what I did."
"It's not the whole story, and don't think I don't know it."
"How do you know it's not the whole story? You weren't there."
"So what's the whole story? Did you let one of those blokes fuck you?" Harry snarls. Draco looks a bit taken aback, and Harry knows he's crossed the line.
After that, they were both sitting quietly at the table, studying. Or at least Draco is studying. Harry reads a chapter of his book, not really registering what it'd stated, and then steals glances at Draco. Draco is almost always scowling at his notes, then writing more notes, then flipping through the book. Harry wants to reach across the table and smooth Draco's eyebrow out.
He snaps his book shut loudly and abruptly stands up. It's time to leave.
"You're finished?" Draco asks, sounding confused. "I didn't even see you write the conclusion of your essay."
"I'm done for the night," Harry says, and starts to pack his things.
Draco doesn’t say another word. He returns to his own homework and it is as if he is pretending Harry isn’t there anymore.
"Will you be here tomorrow night?" Harry catches himself asking, even though he isn't sure why, and he already knows Draco will be there.
"You're not getting the table tomorrow night," Draco replies.
"Do you want to sit together?" Harry asks, frustrated. He doesn’t even know why he is trying. It isn't like he is trying to prove anything. If it is his friends he is worried about, he'd tell them he'd already won that bet because he and Draco had already sat and studied together. Okay, Draco had done the studying, and Harry usually just stared. Secondly, he isn't interested in dating Draco, so it isn't like he is trying to prove to himself he could.
"If you insist," Draco says. "But I won't be answering any more personal questions."
"Fine," Harry says.
"Fine," Draco replies.
"See you tomorrow." Harry is out the door before he can change his mind or do something more irrational. Did he really ask Draco Malfoy if he could study with him? What is he going to tell his friends?
*"You actually finished the essay?" Hermione looks over Harry's homework after he's asked her to read it before he shows it to Draco. The last time he'd wrote the essay, Draco had found several mistakes. This time, Harry wants to be prepared.
"Yeah. What do you think I've been doing when I said I've been going to the library," Harry asks, trying not to sound smug.
"And Sebastian said you haven't come by to see him in over a week," Ron says. "Not that I want to know what you get on with other blokes with, but he was actually pouting."
Harry rolls his eyes. "I told him I was busy."
"So what's his name?" Hermione asks, giving Harry a knowing look.
"What's whose name?" Harry shrugs his coat on before he grabs his bag to head over to the library.
"It's clear you're trying to impress someone. There isn't a girl in this school you'd give that kind of attention to, so it has to be a boy," she says. Ron immediately sits up and gives Harry his undivided attention.
"There's no one. Just..." Shit. He's said too much.
"Ah!" Hermione nearly squeals. "There is someone. You just don't want us to know it matters."
"It's no one," Harry assures her. "I'm just going to go and finish the rest of my homework, so we can all go to Hogsmeade this weekend. All right?" His friends don't look convinced. "Do you two want to come with?"
Ron shakes his head violently. Hermione looks mildly interested but responds with, "I've already finished all my homework and the reading for next week." At that, Ron sighs with a relief and Harry now knows he's in the clear.
He makes his way to the library, already knowing he's late. Ever since the first time Draco had found him at the table studying, Harry has always shown up before Draco, so it's Draco who always has to find an excuse to sit next to him. Now, he knows Draco is going to have that smug look on his face, and Harry will have to make some sort of an excuse to talk to Draco.
Except, when Harry arrives at the library, the table is empty. He immediately checks the Marauder's Map and sees Draco is rushing to the library-not from the Slytherin dungeons but the opposite direction. Harry can only wonder what Draco's been up to. He hasn't consulted the Map in a while to check on Draco.
When Draco is close enough, Harry quickly settles into his seat and brings his books out. He watches as Draco enters the library, but he doesn't immediately come towards Harry. He's looking around, as if he's contemplating finding another table to sit at. He also doesn't look very happy.
"Draco," Harry whispers and waves in his direction. "What are you doing?" He brings his hands up in the air in a questioning, confused, gesture.
Draco eventually walks over and settles in the seat across from Harry. "What?" he snaps.
"I did my essay, I thought you might want to take a look at it."
"Why me? Don't you have friends who read your homework for you?"
Harry looks at him confused. "Yeah. But you said you'd help me, so..."
"Fine," Draco says, angrily, and all but yanks the parchment out of Harry's hand.
"Why are you cross?"
"Why do you care," Draco snaps again. "I'm no one..." He stops himself from saying something else, and then adds, "I don't understand why you keep coming here. Bothering me. You're perfectly capable of doing your homework in your Common Room."
Harry is so confused right now. Where is all this anger coming from? In the past few weeks Harry has been coming to the library, Draco seems to have melted his cool resolve, but it seems to be back with a vengeance tonight.
"I like doing my homework with you," Harry says, as honestly as he can. "You really help me, and, well, if I'm always around, then Ron and Hermione can't be alone..."
Draco groans something fierce. "All right, that's enough." He starts reading the essay and looks lost in the content so Harry leans back and watches him. This is his favourite part. His expression changes from annoyed, to impressed, to confused in a matter of moments, and they're just subtle changes, but Harry seems to find them brilliant nonetheless.
When Draco looks up from the parchment, Harry blurts out, "I want to kiss you."
"Ex-excuse me?" Draco stammers and immediately stands up. He grabs his bag and leaves the library in such haste that Harry isn't even sure if he had actually been there. Except, Draco's quill and ink are still on the desk, so he must have been.
Harry grabs them and rushes out of the library, trying to find Draco.
He's nowhere to be found.
Harry makes his way to the Slytherin dungeons, and he's sure, even if Draco can run fast, he will catch up to him.
He has no such luck.
By the time Harry reaches the dorms, the doors are closing and it's too dark for Harry to see if Draco was there or not. He waits around by the entrance, but no one walks by to let him into the dorm. It's getting too late, and his friends are going to only ask more and more questions so Harry makes his way back to Gryffindor Tower, wondering if he should just keep Draco's quill and ink until the next night.
*When breakfast time arrives, Harry's determined he is going to confront Draco. It's one thing to not want to kiss him, but to run away like that? What a coward. Of course, Harry can't expect Draco to be a Gryffindor like him, but he'd thought that at the least Slytherins had some tact.
When he's in the Great Hall the next day, Draco is surrounded by his friends, and he is laughing and joking as if nothing had happened. As if Harry hadn't scared him away. He is about to get up off the table and walk over to the Slytherins when Professor Snape, of all the people, approaches the table and stops Harry in his tracks.
"Where are you going?" Professor Snape asks.
Harry gestures towards the Slytherin table. "Just to-"
"Don't you have class to get to, Mr Potter? Or have we decided we're too good for it?" Snape's voice is cold and it cuts Harry. Every time he speaks, it cuts Harry. Harry has no idea why Snape hates him so much, but it's clear there's something there that Harry knows nothing about.
Harry shoots one look at the Slytherin table and sees Draco watching him and Professor Snape, so he just shrugs and walks away. There's nothing he can do about it now. He's going to the library tonight, and hopefully Draco will be there and they will be able to talk.
He knows Professor Snape is watching him walk away. Harry can always feel his gaze on him, even if Harry isn't looking. And if he knows anything else, it's that Snape is not going to make it easy for Harry to get to Draco.
*Harry stares at the Marauder's Map, looking for Draco. Draco isn't in the library. He's still in the Slytherin common room. He's been there all night and there seems to be no chance for Harry to be able to talk to Draco tonight.
They share Potions class together; Harry wonders if Snape is going to stop him from speaking to Draco, then. Most likely, so Harry won't even try. He'll just have to do something else.
When it's been over a week, and Harry hasn't had a chance to speak to Draco, he finally decides to take drastic measures. It's Potions, the only class Harry shares with the Slytherins, specifically Draco, so that's when he's going to make his move.
He struts into class as if he hadn't been anguishing over someone for the good part of a week and drops his books next to Theodore Nott. Nott looks up from his notes and eyes Harry suspiciously.
"Hi," Harry says with a soft smile. "Do you mind if we partner up today?" He can feel his friends' gaze on him, along with some of the other students around him. Harry's used to attention. It doesn't bother him, at all.
"I-uh-"
"Zabini is out sick with wizard pox, I know," Harry all but whispers the words into Nott's ears. "He won't mind."
"Erm. Sure," Nott looks at Harry and smiles before he tears his gaze away to look at another table. Harry follows his gaze and sees Nott looking at Draco, who is watching them with a look Harry can't decipher, and Nott shrugs.
"I was supposed to partner up with Draco and Pansy, but I'm sure they won't mind."
Harry's smirk turns into a wide grin. "Brilliant."
Now, Harry can feel both Snape and Draco glaring at him, but he isn't going to show he's noticed. For all that matters, it's business as usual.
As the class progresses, Harry follows Nott's lead. Usually, Hermione is there to tell them what to do, so now he's paying attention, maybe a bit too much attention, to what Nott is doing. He touches Nott's hand purposely, and is glad when Nott doesn't shy away.
Nott gives him instructions, and Harry follows his orders as to what to put in the cauldron and when to do it. He's not really paying attention to what's happening in the class, Potions isn’t his strong suit anyway, but he's still having fun.
When they're nearly done with the assignment, Harry leans real close to Nott to ask him a question. "Do you have-"
"What do you think you're doing, Potter?" Nott asks, finally. He hasn't flinched, raised his voice, or shown any sort of sign he's agitated, but he looks like it. He turns his face in a way so only Harry can see his expression.
"What do you mean?" Harry asks, confused. He takes a small step back. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade together this weekend-"
"What do I mean?" Nott rolls his eyes at Harry. "First, I have a boyfriend. Second, Draco is my friend," Nott says.
"What does Draco have to do with it?" Harry asks.
Nott raises and eyebrow and stares at Harry. He doesn't say a word for a very long time. "I'm not going to let you use me so you can make him jealous."
"I just... I mean, I'm not..." Harry sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Am I that obvious?"
Nott shrugs. "No. I'm very good looking so it would be natural for you to flirt with me. You've managed to snog, shag, or otherwise satisfy quite a few students over the years, so I was just waiting for you to try to pull me. Even though I have a boyfriend. I just didn't think you would after you and Draco..."
"We haven't done anything," Harry says quickly. "Maybe, that's the problem."
Nott snorts. "Draco would never. Not with you anyway."
"Hey, what does that mean?"
"There are obligations Draco is expected to fulfil. All Pureblood children are, but Draco's family was involved in the war with the Dark Lord and they were on the wrong side. It's his responsibility to uphold the Malfoy name. To clear it of any misconducts of the past. He's always concentrated on his studies and if he were to involve himself with someone, it wouldn't be someone like you."
"Why? He's afraid of a little fun?"
"You don't know one thing about Pureblood courtship," Nott says.
"You and Zabini..."
"We've been together for a very long time and if we have progressed into the physical aspect of the relationship, it's because of how we feel about each other. We didn't start touching each other's cocks in the dark corners of the Astronomy Tower at the first chance we got when we realised there was attraction there."
"Oh," Harry says frowning. "You heard about that." Nott just shakes his head at Harry. "So what am I supposed to do?"
Nott raises his eyebrow again. "Do you like Draco?" Harry opens his mouth to say something clever when Nott raises his hand to stop Harry. "Think about your answer. Do you just want to satisfy your own curiosity, or do you like him?"
Harry takes a moment to think it over. "I like him."
"Then, you must stop your antics, like the one you pulled in the library."
"What? When I told him I wanted to kiss him?" Harry scowls. What was so wrong with that? He likes Draco and he wants to kiss him.
"You have to make him trust you. And right now, he doesn't. He was starting to like you, you know. He looked forward to going to the library and reading your badly spelled essays and smiling when you would scowl at his corrections-"
"He told you all of that?"
Nott ignores Harry's interruption. "He thought you had changed. That you weren't the same Boy that always tries to score anymore and actually cared about him. He said he was starting to let his guard down with you when you just flat out-"
"I wanted to kiss him!" Harry says with annoyance. Never has he ever had such a huge problem from trying to get one little kiss from someone.
Nott rolls his eyes and turns his attention to the assignment. It's as though he's given up on trying to reason with Harry.
Harry has no idea why this is such a big deal. According to Sirius, he and Remus fooled around with other boys until they were both genuine about getting together. He knows his parents, on the other hand, had only had eyes for each other. Maybe he would have been a different person if Harry's parents were still alive. All he has is his godfather Sirius, and Harry looks up to him.
Maybe he can ask Sirius about this next time they see each other, but he already knows what Sirius would say. "Do what your heart tells you and don't give an arse about what others think."
"How am I supposed to fix this if Draco won't even talk to me anymore?" His heart's telling him to fix it, he just doesn't know how.
Nott takes a deep breath and his brows wrinkle as if he's deep in thought. "Well, not flirting with Draco's friends would be step one."
Harry rolls his eyes and stirs the cauldron. "How do you know so much anyway?"
"Draco and I have been friends since we were five years old. Our families grew up together, and we spent almost every summer together since then. He's told me about..." he hesitates for a moment.
"Has he talked to you about me before? Before the library incident, I mean."
Nott smiles as if Harry has no idea what he's getting himself into. "He's talked about you since the day you met at Madam Malkin's."
Harry tries to remember that day over six years ago, when he was waiting for Sirius during his robe fitting, with Draco next to him, standing straight up, nose in the air. Harry doesn't remember what they'd talked about except for maybe what House they were going to get sorted into. Harry had said he wanted to be in Gryffindor because of his parents and godparents. Draco had all but sniffed and turned away.
Harry is about to say something to Nott again when Professor Snape's dry voice cuts in. "Mr Potter, if you are going to just stand here and distract Mr Nott from doing his work, then I will just have you return to your former group. Perhaps copying off Ms Granger's work is far better than flirting with a capable student that has a bright future in Potions."
Harry can't help himself. He holds his head high and speaks, "Professor, if all I wanted to do was flirt with a student that has a bright future in Potions, then I would have asked to be partnered up with Malfoy."
If Professor Snape's sneer is anything to go by, Harry knows he's just landed himself in detention. Luckily, Seamus's cauldron bursts, taking all the attention away from Harry, and Snape rushes over to Dean and Seamus's working station.
Every student is looking over at the destroyed cauldron and desk when Harry turns to look at Draco, who is looking right at him. Harry gives him half a smile and shrugs as if he's trying to tell Draco he's really just that hopeless.
Draco smiles back and shakes his head before he returns to his things and starts to pack them in his carrier. Harry quickly does the same, and he's the first one out the door when class is dismissed because he wants to wait for Draco in the hallway.
*It's been a week and Harry is finally getting to spend more time with Draco. They go back to their normal routine of studying in the library, and most days Harry walks Draco back to the entrance of the Slytherin dungeons, where they say goodnight.
They barely talk about anything but schoolwork. Once in a while Harry mentions something cheesy or romantic Ron did for Hermione, and Draco shares the romantic tales of his friends, especially Zabini and Nott.
Draco tells him sharing a room with the two boys that are boyfriends can be hectic sometimes, and he has to hang around the common room while Nott and Zabini are "otherwise occupied." The rest of the boys that share the room with them also find others things to do.
Now Harry knows why he sees Draco pacing around in the Slytherin dorms at night.
*During the Hogsmeade weekend, Harry is out with his friends when he spots Draco with Nott, who gives Harry a nod, Zabini, Parkinson and some other boy Harry doesn't know. Parkinson is hanging off this bloke's arm, and Zabini and Nott seem to be having a private conversation. Harry waves and locks eyes with Draco, who smiles back and waves as if he's just going through the motions of being out there. Harry can imagine how frustrating it can be when all your friends are paired off and you are the only one that isn't.
In the past, Harry would have found someone to fool around with in the alley behind Honeydukes, but since he's told Nott that he actually likes Draco, trying to get off with someone isn't doing it for him.
"Hey, do you want to go for a walk?" Harry approaches Draco and asks him. His group of friends notice Harry's not with them anymore and they all stop to gape. Draco's friends are not very subtle, either.
This is the first time Harry has publicly acknowledged Draco in a setting where they aren't insulting each other.
"I..." The conflicted look on Draco's face makes Harry cringe. What if he says no? His friends’ words from weeks before are ringing in Harry's ears.
...a chance of you actually getting anywhere with him is slimmer than none.
Draco Malfoy has far better sense than dating the likes of someone like you...
Harry reaches over and brushes his hand against Draco's arm. "Come on, I'll buy you a Butterbeer."
Draco looks down at Harry's hand on his arm before he looks up at Nott. Harry follows his gaze and sees Nott nod at Draco. "Okay," Draco says and his friends start to walk away while Harry's friends are still staring.
Harry shakes his head at them and turns to take Draco's hand in his own. He's nervous as hell, and he prays that Draco doesn't dismiss him - at least not in front of his friends.
They enter Madam Rosmerta's when Draco turns to Harry and says, "I don't care for Butterbeer."
Harry grins widely. At least that isn't something he'd say in front of his friends. "What would you like then?"
"Coffee," Draco answers.
"Brilliant," Harry says.
*They still sit in the library across from each other, but now Harry's leg rests against Draco's. They do their homework and gossip about the teachers, and Draco is even kind enough to listen to Harry grouse about Snape and takes it in stride. Walking to class together after breakfast is now a routine, and so is holding hands and walking to the Slytherin dungeons after their library sessions. Harry sees Draco off to his dorm almost every night, and almost every night, he leans in for a kiss, but Draco turns his face and offers his cheek instead.
Nott's told him it's a trust thing. If Draco still hasn't kissed Harry yet, then it just means he still doesn't completely trust him. Harry has no idea how long he can hold on for. But then, in the morning, Harry sees Draco's smile when Harry approaches the Slytherin table to walk him to class, and Harry knows perhaps, he can hold on for just a little bit longer.
There's gossip, of course, that Harry is deceiving Draco, and he's seeing someone else behind Draco's back. Surprisingly, Draco is far more trusting than Harry deserves. He still gets into the habit of flirting with boys in his classes, but it never amounts to anything, because he knows he doesn't want to be that kind of a bloke anymore. Sure, he's been a free spirit in the past, but he's never cheated on anyone. He's always been upfront and he knows he needs to give Draco the same amount of respect. He's assured Draco that he can trust Harry, and Draco seems to take his word for it.
At night, Harry checks the Marauder's map. Most of the time, Draco is settled in one place, and then there are the nights when he's pacing around. Mostly in the common room. Harry wishes he could be there with Draco. Maybe they could sit together on the sofa and talk while Zabini and Nott are having their "time alone." He wonders if he could ever bring Draco back to the Gryffindor Tower with him. What would it be like to sleep in his bed with Draco?
Harry puts the map away, takes off his glasses, and casts a silencing charm around his bed.
He closes his eyes and he even though doesn't want to--he thinks about Draco. The weight of his knee against Harry's when they sit next to each other. The softness, and the warmth of his skin against his own. Harry's started to get bolder with Draco when they are alone. Placing his arm around Draco's waist, pulling him closer, kissing his neck. Draco allows most of it to an extent and out of the blue, Harry can smell Draco's scent in the room.
He opens his eyes, thinking maybe he'd just fallen asleep and thought Draco was there. He's still in his room and it's dark. He thinks he can still smell Draco there, though. Merlin, Harry has it bad.
He bites his lower lip as his hand reaches down and slips under his trousers. Just thinking about kissing Draco, his familiar scent, makes Harry hard. He starts to stroke himself, brushing his thumb on the head of his cock as he imagines Draco looking at him while he's doing it. He lets a small moan escape him when he imagines what it would be like if Draco wrapped his lips around Harry's cock.
His strokes are harsher and he wants to be with Draco so badly. "Please," he whispers to himself as if Draco is there, and Harry is begging for Draco to take him. He wants Draco's mouth around his cock, Merlin, he wants to lick and suck Draco off too. Harry's never fantasised about pleasuring someone before. Most of the time, he does it because it's expected of him, but when he's alone and he wants to get off, he thinks about what that bloke would do to him. But now? Now he wants to suck Draco off. He wants Draco to grab Harry's hair and push his cock in and out of Harry's mouth until he comes, and then Harry would bend him over and fuck Draco.
He thinks about how he's going to do it. He's going to have Draco on his knees, taking in his scent, before he'd open Draco up with his tongue. First his tongue, then his fingers, and when finally Draco would be begging for it, Harry would slide his cock in.
Harry arches up. The thought of being inside Draco pushes him over the edge, and he's coming all over his hand, mumbling Draco's name.
"What am I doing?" He knows he's torturing himself. He hasn't even kissed Draco yet, and he's already dreaming about being with him. The way Draco is with him, Harry doesn't know when he'll be able to gain all of his trust and be allowed in.
When he's just about done cleaning up, Harry hears some rustling on his bed. He can't seem to locate where it's coming from. After casting a Lumos, Harry sees a small black and green bug sneak under his pillow. He has no idea where the little critter came from. When he picks up his pillow, the bug makes a dash off Harry's bed, it quickly climbs up the wall and is out the window before Harry can even wrap his head around it.
It isn't the first time Harry's seen this tiny little bug near him. He's seen it in the common room, the benches near the Quidditch pitch, and now in his bedroom. If he didn't know any better, Harry would think the little thing was stalking him.
What if it heard Harry wanking? Could little creatures tell when you were pleasuring yourself? This isn't a question Harry can ask Hermione, and if he were to look it up in the library, he wouldn't even know where to start.
Worn out and agitated, Harry checks the Marauder's map again. As always, he's looking for Draco. Instead of being in his bed, Harry sees Draco walking around again. This time, he isn't pacing around in circles but in a straight line. He's moving really fast. After all this time, he still has no idea what goes on in Draco's head, and he finds himself longing for his boyfriend.
Boyfriend. It's the first time Harry's thought of Draco like that. Does Draco think of Harry as his boyfriend, too?
*"It wasn't a Disillusionment charm," Draco says out of the blue one evening when they're alone in the library. Still, they're holding hands under the table.
"What?" Harry asks in confusion. This sounds important and vaguely familiar, but Harry has no idea what it is that Draco is talking about.
"On my birthday. I said I'd used the charm to go Knockturn alley."
"Oh, so what did you use?"
"I'd simply changed my appearance," Draco says, and he's a bit tense so Harry knows not to push too much.
"Into what?" Harry asks. Draco makes a contemplative face but doesn't respond. "Okay, did you really go looking for that potion or was there something else, too?"
"Hmm," Draco says looking away.
Harry's about to ask one more question when Hermione walks into the library, and Draco lets go of Harry's hand.
*Christmas break is the toughest.
The ride back to King's Cross Station is pleasant because now all of Harry's friends are paired off, along with all of Draco's friends. So if Draco and Harry sneak away for some alone time, they don't have to feel bad about abandoning someone.
Draco grabs Harry by the arm and takes him to the very last compartment. They are alone only for a few minutes, and Draco leans closer, opens his mouth to say something, when Luna interrupts them.
Harry groans with frustration, because he'd thought Draco was finally going to kiss him. Inadvertently, his reaction upsets Draco when Luna turns around to walk away.
"I didn't mean it," Harry says, running after Luna who isn't upset that Harry got frustrated, but because she had obviously interrupted a special moment.
Harry knows the special moment is now lost.
They hug goodbye on the train because Draco is worried what his parents would say if he got off the train with Harry. Harry knows Sirius wouldn't have cared, and he probably is going to tell Sirius all about Draco, anyway. Still, the last thing he wants to do is start a fight right before Christmas.
Draco kisses Harry on the cheek and leans in to whisper in his ear. "I'll miss your eyes."
They promise to write to each other, and they do. Harry talks about working on motorcycles with Sirius, and Draco writes about new spells he's trying. What those spells are, Draco never shares.
The things Draco does share are his feelings. Every time he writes to Harry, he tells him about how much he misses the little things Harry does. He misses being alone with Harry, the way Harry kisses his neck, bites his ear and always wants to touch him.
The letters begin to get more and more heated, and Harry finds himself reading them in his bed. He can't read them when he's around anyone else, because they make Harry ache for Draco.
Harry doesn't understand how he can want Draco as much, when they haven't even kissed. They haven't done anything but spend time with each other, and hold hands. If he were to tell anyone about this, surely they'd think he was a fool.
How can he ache for Draco? How can he think he might even love him when they aren't even proper boyfriends?
Still, if Draco's letters are anything to go by, he knows they are going to take their relationship further after the holidays.
Harry buys Draco a pocket watch for Christmas and owls it to him for the holiday.
"Counting down to the minutes to when we can be together again. HP"
In return, Draco sends Harry a picture of himself holding the watch and looking at it.
"Counting down to the minutes to when I can give you your Christmas present. DM"
Harry can only imagine finally being able to kiss Draco.
*On the way back to Hogwarts, Harry's friends demand he sit with them during the ride, and Draco's friends do the same. Harry promises to come and see Draco first thing after the Welcome Back Feast.
Draco says he understands, but Harry can see the disappointment on his face. Then every time he says "to hell with them," Draco insists it really is okay.
Things are chaotic the first night and Harry isn't able to see Draco, after all. All students are ordered to return to their dormitories immediately after the Feast. They haven't told the students why, but there is speculation that the carnivore spiders from the Forbidden Forest have been set loose and Ron has just about lost all his marbles.
Harry and his friends gather around in the boys' dormitory and play games. Harry wishes he could be with Draco, but it's nice to be with his friends too.
"So Harry, how long are you going to keep up this relationship with Malfoy?" Alan asks with both eyebrows raised. Alan always starts arguments with Harry, egging Harry on. He's sure Alan's always just been jealous of him, and he doesn't understand what Alan's problem is now. Ever since Harry's been with Draco, he hasn't tried to pull anyone else. Alan has all the free reign he desires.
"Why are you waiting around for my sloppy seconds?" Harry asks and Seamus makes a noise as if Alan's just been challenged.
"Please," Alan says, rolling his eyes. "I like having sex. I don't have time for a bloke that won't even touch my prick."
Harry narrows his eyes at Alan.
When Seamus stops laughing he asks, "It's not true, is it?"
"What?" Harry snaps. He doesn't want to talk about his sex life, or lack thereof, with his friends. And Alan is not his friend. He hasn't even told Ron and Hermione that he and Draco haven't kissed yet. Harry knows his friends are just speculating, given what they all know about Pureblood traditions, and he's not going to fuel the fire.
"Don't tell me," Dean says, "You've been fooling around with blokes and girls since our fourth year. There isn't a bent Hogwarts student you haven't kissed, and now you've settled down and what? Become celibate?"
"I'm not going to talk about this with you," Harry says and turns to look out the window next to his bed. The black and green bug from the other night is back. The bug seems to retreat when Harry reaches for it, so Harry leaves it alone. He smiles at the bug and turns to look at his friends again, who are gaping at him.
"I bet you're just leading the poor bloke on," Alan says in an accusing tone. "I bet that Pureblood ponce doesn't even know that once you fuck him, you won't look back."
"That's cold, Harry," Seamus says with an amusing tone.
"I'm not-" Harry knows he doesn't have to defend himself. The more he says, the more guilty he looks. "What makes you think we're not already fucking?"
"Because if you were, then you would have been with him at the Hogwarts Express. I know about you and Sebastian in the loo on the train. You would have found Malfoy and made him suck you off like you did with Seb!"
"Seb?" Harry says, with an eyebrow raised. "I thought you said you weren't interested in my sloppy seconds, Alan."
"Whatever," Alan says, ignoring Harry. "Poor Malfoy. You're making him wait for it. So he's there, begging you to fuck him so you can just use him - that pretty little mouth of his - and then find some other mouth."
Harry closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. He's not going to stoop to Alan's level. Alan's a Prefect and if he starts a fight with him, he'll only report Harry to the Headmaster.
As he releases his breath, Harry notices something familiar. The same scent as before. The one that reminds him of Draco is in the room. He turns to look out the window again, and he sees the little bug pacing around in circles. It's agitated. Harry knows how it feels.
"Please. Believe what you want. You're just wishing, waiting for me to dump Malfoy so you can go after him. He's only going to tell you-you can't fuck half as good as me. So don't even think about it."
"So is that what you're going to do?" Seamus asks eagerly. "Are you going to fuck and drop Malfoy?"
"What? No!" Harry retorts. "I like him, okay? I am not going to dump him."
Harry shakes his head, annoyed beyond belief, and then he looks for his little friend on the window sill again. The bug is gone. So is the scent that reminds him of Draco. Harry wonders if the bug flies around Hogwarts, collecting scents and maybe it’s been to the Slytherin dungeons before coming to the Gryffindor Tower. He wonders if the bug lets Draco play with it and that's why it reminds Harry of him.
God, all Harry wants to do right now is go to Draco.
"I'm calling it a night," Harry says and pulls the curtains down on his bed, grabbing his Marauder's Map. He's looking for Draco, and Draco is in the Slytherin dorms, still. He's probably sleeping, Harry figures. He's going to go find Draco first thing the next day, and get that kiss. He's going to tell Draco he loves him. He's going to ask Draco to be his boyfriend. PART TWO