(Untitled)

[sweet_madman]

The wind brings honeybees, it seems. Buzz, buzz. *grinning widely*

Excuse me, could I have the attention of all persons of adequate age who are not getting laid on a regular basis? HEY. YOU. ARE YOU HORNY?

Comments

[jareth]

... The words 'goblins' and 'orgasms' should never be used in the same speech.

[sweet_madman]

I must disagree with you, sir, for despite their lack of charm, goblins are quite fantastic in bed. They last for hours. Try it sometime. *charming smile--let's just watch Jareth's mind shatter now...*

[jareth]

............ I don't even want to know.

[sweet_madman]

*hands him a nice little bullet vibrator with an attached remote* Remember to use it with a condom, and pull on the condom, not the wire. And it's not waterproof, so don't take it in the bath.

[thanitohercules]

Most gravely art thou mistaken. *arches an eyebrow* Methinks there is no plague.

[sweet_madman]

Well, perhaps thou'rt blind to it? *bows rakishly, grinning* Pray tell, fine frock, when was the last time thy maidenly sheath welcomed a spear?

[thanitohercules]

*vaguely amused tone* Look I as a maiden, sir?

[sweet_madman]

Look I as a sir, maiden? Verily, thou hast the buttocks for it, yea not the blossoms.

[la_baronne]

......And just what is wrong with chastity?

[sweet_madman]

...

*considers her seriously*

*digs through the basket*

*hands her a blue vibrator shaped like a dolphin*

Waterproof. Enjoy.

[la_baronne]

..............

*has absolutely no idea what it is, so just gives him a blank look*

Waterproof what?

[sweet_madman]

Vibrator. Listen, I'll explain. Are you a virgin?

[iadoreit]

*a smile curls onto her lips* Finally, someone who speaks my language.

[sweet_madman]

Fair wench. *grins at her, digging through and handing her one of the nicest vibrators in the basket* Your weapon.

[iadoreit]

*accepts the thing and studies it with a grin* Why thank you. it'll be put to...good use.

[sweet_madman]

A true champion of the cause. *bows* May your orgasms be ecstatic, princess.

[plz_dont_touch]

*shocked and offended* Surely we ought to be encouraging chastity?

[sweet_madman]

... your poor virgin buttocks. *hands him a slim anal vibe and a little package of lube* Okay, listen. This switch turns it on. *demonstrates* Be sure to use lube on it, and then slide it up your ass while you masturbate. If chastity's your thing, try that out. Enjoy. *grins big*

[plz_dont_touch]

*eyes wide and pushes the items back at him* Why would I ever subject myself...No. Enough. You should not be doing this. *backs away* Virginity is a virtue, not something to be pitied.