gah, so its clear and obvious to me. i am still hurting, 3 months after the fact. this is the worst possible situation for me. its summer, and i cant even wake up without thinking about her. time time time, why cant you go by faster.

so im sitting here watching bill o reilly slam an abortion doctor and not condemn his murder, and seeing shit like this, and i just feel bad.

but then i watch obama's speech in cairo, and i feel a little better. in fact, i just go and make another kiva donation.

the world is a weird and interesting place.

a lot has changed in a year for me. 365 days. thats a long time. ive had my heart touched and tormented, ive been distracted and determined, ive come close to my goals and not really done anything. i literally feel like ive gone from one end of the pool, with my feet on hard ground, to the opposite end, where its wide open and empty and alone, and ( Read more... )

so this weekend i acted silly and was just generally all around fucking awkward. i am no good with girls. i might just switch teams, since i'd have better luck. seriously, when i am actually trying, i have horrible shitty fucking luck. i mumble, stutter, and am usually too drunk to be coherent ( Read more... )

i am so high and drunk. and i just had a really really fun night. oh gorsh, i lieks it.

so much homework. fmlfmlfml. not to mention i still cant sleep normally without waking up thinking of her. why is this happening to me?

stick to the program. you can do it.

so today was awesome. great weather, went to folksylife, had a great time. last night i had fun too, hung out with nick and co, got really high out of my mind (OH SNAP that reminds me BATTLETANX!), and that was after i played soccer for a couple hours. it really was refreshing to be able to get away from things for a while. and just now, i actually ( Read more... )

i am unstable when emotionally broken. i lose control and become impulsive. cmon man, you know better. yet you continually fuck things up ( Read more... )

but i broke the ice, and talked to her. there were some angry texts, i COMPLETELY lost focus during class and was just itching to get out. i raced over to her apartment, she yelled at me, i tried to explain and apologize, and i felt bad and just took it. i deserved to. afterwards, i could tell she wants things to work out, and i do too. its just ( Read more... )