Sometimes i feel inspired to create. i want to string words together and have them reveal something profound. the problem is that i don't always know what it is that's itching to be heard. most of the time i experience it simply as desire. whether it's desire for a tangible sense of purpose, or accomplishment, or just a taste of beauty, i don't ( Read more... )

life is interesting. no matter how hard we try to simplify it, the daily monotony is still complex enough to require our full attention and earnest efforts to see it through. i've spent so much time trying to find time, and the problem is just as silly as it sounds. i've trimmed my life down in many ways in the last few months in an attempt to ( Read more... )

don't you love when you are suddenly overcome with an all-encompassing wave of WHAT THE FUCK?! when you think about how you got where you are today?

i have a suspicion that somewhere along this journey of mine i lost a part of my ability to connect. where before i held confusion over my categorization as introvert or extrovert, now i am certain of my natural preference for solitude. 6 months ago i would have described myself as a socialite forced into isolation by circumstance, but either i ( Read more... )

livejournal has always been about broadcasting. i want to journal for myself now, without thoughts about how my words will sound or who will be listening ( Read more... )

It's July, and I've been gone for most of the summer. In my mind I anticipated finding some greater clarity by now; not total enlightenment, but at least a direction to head in. I stand just as lost as i was when i left, although i do feel more peaceful about the idea of being lost. I had hoped I would have lined up some sort of job, but that too ( Read more... )

i wish i had creativity. i wish i had the passion and vision to drive my talent. teachers tell me i have a way with words, that i am insightful, i am quick, i am an excellent student . . . . but what have i ever really done? i take ideas that others present to me and i rearrange. i repackage them, tie them up with fancy Latinate words, and sell ( Read more... )

we in the livejournal community know what this mood is. it is the mood that says to you "Don't go to sleep; think. Think about the world, think about God, think about your purpose and your past and your ever approaching future. Don't waste your precious time sleeping ( Read more... )

what are we even doing? every day we get up and go to classes we aren't interested in and jobs we aren't fulfilled by. We twist ourselves into knots over papers that make no new conclusions and are only worth .001% of our GPA, which itself is a mysterious figure. We labor to preserve patterns that exist only because they always have, but when ( Read more... )

i have to write more than one paper per week if i am going to pass school, and all i can think about is next year ( Read more... )