FIC: Fealty (12/?) - Merlin/Arthur, PG-13
TITLE: Fealty - part twelve
AUTHOR: Demon Faith
CATEGORY: Hurt/Comfort, Drama
PAIRING: Merlin/Arthur
SPOILERS: Up to 1x04
RATING: PG-13
WORDS: 1,983
SUMMARY: A faithful and good servant is a real godsend; but truly 't is a rare bird in the land - Martin Luther
DISCLAIMER: I own not the boys, nor the show. Thankfully, they’re doing just fine.
NOTES: I made the fatal mistake of telling openskies that I was being harassed by a plot bunny. She then made me write on pain of capslock. ;) But give her lots of praise, because she also made my stunning banner!
Previous parts here.
The door opened and Gaius rushed forward. 'Well?"
"Pardoned under oath," Merlin said quietly; Arthur grinned as he half-carried his exhausted lover to the couch.
"And what does that mean?"
"New jewellery."
Merlin held out his wrist for inspection and Gaius frowned at the bracelet. "This is a magical alloy."
"Same as the chains," Merlin said sleepily, leaning back against Arthur.
"To prevent the use of magic," Arthur said grimly, but his fingers settled in Merlin's hair and Gaius could see he was at peace.
"I made some stew," Gaius held up his hand, "and you will eat it all before you leave."
"Of course," Arthur said politely, but all his attention was on Merlin. Gaius sighed.
"You need to take care of yourself too, Arthur. You're no good to Merlin under the earth."
"Sometimes l wonder what good l am at all,'' Arthur said wistfully.
"Shut up, idiot," Merlin said, not even opening his eyes.
"And eat your stew."
Arthur smiled and took the bowl. "I am the prince, you know."
"You're a royal prat." Merlin smiled. "Admit it - you'd be useless without me."
"I'd be useless without you," Arthur said with devastating sincerity, and Merlin turned his face into Arthur's chest. Gaius watched them with pride.
"So I can expect you at work tomorrow?"
Merlin laughed and made a half-hearted attempt to hit him. Gaius sighed and went back to his medicines, subtly observing them out of the corner of his eye. Arthur was relaxed and happy, with some colour returning to his cheeks. Merlin, however…
He couldn't quite put his finger on it but the boy looked under strain. Still, he was recovering from serious injuries - he couldn't be expected to run around all day without some ill effects.
Gaius returned to his pestle, trying to shake the feeling of unease and failing. The boys' laughter drifted to his ears and he smiled - at least they were happy, and together. For now, that was enough.
~
She watched him fumble with the linen for a third time before she finally approached him.
"Oh, hi Merlin - want a hand?"
"Gwen…yeah, that would be great."
He smiled sheepishly and she took the lion's share of the sheets. They walked slowly towards Arthur's rooms and Merlin was unusually quiet. Gwen rushed to fill the silence.
"So, how are you settling back into work? It's not been the same without you. Quiet, for one thing!"
Merlin smiled again, but didn't say anything. Gwen fell silent and knocked on Arthur's door.
There was no answer, so she set down the sheets and left Merlin to sort them, hurrying back towards Morgana's rooms. She met her lady in the reception room, where she was rearranging the flowers; Morgana looked up as she rushed in and motioned for her to close the door.
"How is he?"
"The same! He won't say anything and…well, I'm not sure he's even talking to Arthur!"
Morgana nodded thoughtfully. "I've heard similar through the knights. Do you think…?" She held up her wrist and shook it. Gwen grimaced.
"What else could it be? Nothing else has changed, not really. Gaius says most of the wounds are healed, and he doesn't even need the crutches anymore."
"It has only been a week. Perhaps we should give him more time."
Gwen sat down and wrung her hands in her lap. "Have you spoken to Arthur?"
Morgana sighed. "I'm not sure that he wants to hear it. Things are getting back to normal - he's starting to train again, Uther's actually acknowledging him, and he doesn't want to admit Merlin's…not quite right."
"But if Arthur won't listen, who will help him?"
"We'll just have to watch and wait. Even though it hurts, Gwen, it's for the best."
She wasn't sure either of them truly believed that but she returned to her duties, thinking about Merlin and wondering how to reach Arthur.
~
"You don't have to do that, you know."
Merlin smiled tightly as he cleared away the plates. "It's my job."
Arthur stilled his hands and finished moving them himself. "Not when we're alone, Merlin. You know that."
He touched Merlin's waist, but he twisted away. "Not…now, Arthur."
Struggling to hide the hurt, Arthur sat on the edge of his bed and watched Merlin tidy up around the room. He hadn't wanted to take Merlin back as his manservant, but at least this way he maintained his status in the royal household. Yet, for once, Merlin was actually doing his job - and without complaint. It unnerved him.
Morgana had tried to talk to him about Merlin, but he hadn't wanted to hear it. They were supposed to be getting better - it was all meant to be solved now. He had rescued him, yet he wasn't quite the Merlin he remembered. Something was missing.
"Merlin? Can I talk to you?"
He looked almost frightened, but he sat down anyway, folding his hands carefully in his lap. "What do you need?"
"I need you," Arthur said quietly, and Merlin looked away.
"Arthur, don't."
"Things…haven't been the same between us, Merlin. I need an honest answer from you."
Merlin looked hurt, but it was a muted expression, filtered through exhaustion and a need for control. Arthur recognised it all too well.
"You know you can trust me."
"And I'm not doubting that. Please, Merlin, talk to me."
He stood up and walked away. "I have chores, Arthur."
So, that settled it: something was very wrong, and he'd been a fool to ignore it this long.
"Merlin, I'm not finished."
He whipped round as if stung. "Sire?"
"Merlin, don't do that," he whispered.
"Don't do what, sire?"
It wasn't even petulant or irritated - just cold and blank. Carefully neutral words, as if Merlin were actually his manservant and not his one light in the whole damn world.
"You may go," he said heavily, wondering what he'd done wrong, and what he could do to make it right.
~
Gaius closed the door to Merlin's room and took a seat at the table. Sleeping again, and in the middle of the day! And Arthur hadn't been by in almost three days, sending notes with summons and tasks instead of seeking Merlin out in person.
Yet Merlin denied that they'd argued, said everything was fine, but he was just going to lie down. He was healing, but not as fast as Gaius would have liked, and his appetite was reduced. Gaius often heard him pacing at night, back and forth for hours at a time - he wondered what it meant.
"Gaius? Have you seen Merlin?"
Gaius put a finger to his lips and beckoned Gwen towards the table. She took a seat and inclined her head towards the bedroom; Gaius nodded solemnly.
"We're worried, Gaius," she said softly. "He's not himself."
He leaned forward. "What have you noticed?"
She shook her head. "I can't quite describe it. He's just so quiet! And I think he had an argument with Arthur."
"Arthur says he refused to talk to him." They turned to the doorway, where Morgana stood, worrying at her lip. "Arthur's miserable, but Merlin…"
"There's just nothing!" Gwen said. "It's almost as if…he's not quite feeling things right."
"Misery can put a terrible burden on the soul," Gaius said, thoughtfully. "Some Saint John's Wort may rouse him."
"I fear it may go deeper than that." Morgana took a seat at the table. "My dreams of late…they are dark and fragmented, with no distinct shapes. But I see Merlin…and I feel pain. He is grieving."
"We will give him a few more days," Gaius said firmly, unwilling to contemplate the dreams. If they were truly prophecies, then they were in far greater trouble than he'd thought.
"And what then, Gaius?" Gwen said, glancing over to Merlin's room with shining eyes.
"Then we make a plan," he said.
~
For the twenty-ninth time, he considered turning back. And once more he reminded himself why he was doing this and all that he had to gain. It had been surprisingly easy to find this place but he realised that wasn't the difficult task - that would be talking to it.
"Dragon?" he called, tentatively.
Suddenly, the cave was alive with sound and a massive scaled creature descended onto the ridge in front of him. He stared at it for a moment and struggled not to take a step back - he was Arthur Pendragon! He was not afraid!
"Ah, finally, you have come to me." The dragon looked strangely pleased, and then it frowned. "But where is Merlin?"
"Wait - you know Merlin?" There were a lot of things they would be discussing later.
The dragon laughed. "You are brave, young Pendragon, to come alone."
"I need your help."
"You, young Pendragon? Whilst your father bans the practice of magic in his kingdom?" The dragon was mocking him. He didn't have time for this.
"Merlin is fading in front of me and I need someone to help me. Am I wasting my breath with you, dragon?"
The dragon regarded him speculatively. "The young warlock breathes magic - it is in his lifeblood, as it is in mine. But then you knew that."
His father's words flooded into his mind and he swallowed hard. "What do I have to do?"
"You know your duty, Arthur. Your destiny lies together, but your coin is becoming tarnished. Only you can restore Merlin and only together can you unite Albion."
Before he'd had time to blink, the dragon was up and away, leaving him confused and alone. A tarnished coin? Uniting Albion?
"I don't understand," he whispered, and he heard the dragon's laughter echo into nothing.
~
His head was spinning as he climbed the stairs to Arthur's chambers. He had to hold it together - he knew it would get better if he could just concentrate and plough on.
He paused outside the door and laid his hands flat on the wood. Solid. Every day, it was a little easier. Every day, he felt a little more real.
"Merlin?"
Arthur's hands settled on his shoulders and he let out a shaky sigh. "No, Arthur, please-"
"I'm not letting go." Arthur forced him through the door and sat him on the edge of the bed, grasping his hands firmly in his own. He was warm, and Merlin felt himself centre for the first time in days.
"Merlin, we can't carry on like this."
"Like what?" he tried, but Arthur was filled with a new fire and wasn't backing down.
"You have to talk to me, Merlin. I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
He heard someone laughing hysterically and realised it was him. "You can't help! I'm lost, Arthur - I don't know where I am. The whole world feels wrong and I don't see a way out!"
"We can fix this." Arthur's hands were on his cheeks, grounding him, and he realised he'd been crying. He slumped forward and Arthur enveloped him, rocking him slowly as he brought himself under control.
"No, we can't. I'm not Merlin anymore. I'm…no one."
"Merlin, I know about your father."
He tensed and drew back, looking at Arthur in bewilderment. "I never knew my father."
Arthur's mouth twisted. "My father thinks he was an incubus. He was trying to warn me."
An incubus. His mother had never said anything about his father - an incubus? Then, maybe Uther was right; perhaps the magic in his blood was evil after all.
"And I don't care."
The light touch of lips brought reality home in vivid colours, his world exploding to life and he fought to hold the contact. Yet, he had to let go, and everything fell back to grey, except the stunning blue of Arthur's eyes.
"Arthur, what-"
"I know what to do, Merlin," Arthur said, bringing him to his feet and steadying him. "We're going to make this right."
And Merlin believed him.