I feel like I'm all about contrasts lately. I've been harboring a building discontent over my body. I've become horribly out of shape and it's time to do somthing already! But at the same time I've gained a certain confidence. It comes in waves, but I've started learning to see beauty in myself. Not just because I can fill a D-cup, have long hair ( Read more... )

Work at CF has been simultaneoulsy shitty and wonderful. There's a lot of drama and it's rather stressful sometimes, but it allows me a lot of time for the rest of my life. I'm making a decent living and when I'm not at work I don't even think about work. that's very important to me. My house is still unfurnished after two and a half months and it' ( Read more... )

I'm trying not to get so caught up with this that I neglect the rest of my life, but this relationship has quickly become more intense than I expected. I'm becoming so very attached to fry. Last night when he called me I was glad just to hear is voice. after miller went to bed we cuddled, talked, goofed off, wrestled, then kissed and kissed. I had ( Read more... )

I've got both my journals out right now and I don't know what to write in either. I'm confused as all hell, but the general consensus is that I'm happy. I think part of me is ashamed of my irresponsiblity, and the rest of me is revelling in it. I have so many things that I need to do but don't, and there are so many things that I shouldn't do that ( Read more... )

I'm having trouble figuring myself out lately. I feel almost happy, content, but beneath it is a feeling of dread I cannot identify. Is it the knowledge that things are only at a standstill and I'm only fooling myself? Or is it the fear of this and I'm letting paranoia get a hold of me. I'm trying to enjoy these lighter moods without analyzing ( Read more... )

I analyze too much, I know this. I obsess about affairs of the heart. I dwell on inconsequential things and it gets me nowhere. I have many problems which would justify so much time consumption, but I oftimes ignore these in order to analyze and obsess my love life. Or lack thereof. I use as an excuse the fact that it is my nature to do so. I think ( Read more... )