A response to an Impossible (ADD) situation

[dawnd]

In response to a post in the ADDitudeMag forums, I wrote this.  It's a journey.  Learning to Love Myself (e.g., @ HAI L2) helps. :)

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I can relate.  I myself (49) was diagnosed only a couple of years ago, and only really got testing confirmation a few months ago.  I’m just beginning my journey with finding helpful meds. I’m finding

Comments

[archanglrobriel]

GODS yes! This x1000. I can't believe how nasty Ree's teachers are about the issue. I get that they have huge class sizes and can't be "expected to cater to her" as one put it, but c'mon. The kid has a diagnosed issue, on record, and she's doing the best she can. One size fits all public education is failing her badly and then making her feel like the fault lies with her, exclusively.
I have felt a lot of guilt too, for this part:

We parents (both with AD(H)D ourselves, remember!) get blamed for not providing a consistent home environment and not “making her” do her homework or for not monitoring her progress, or not knowing when school events are.

Yes. So much. There is a lot of blaming going on.
I could definitely use some resources of the sort you mention. I'll be looking those up. I've known for years that my own ADD hasn't gone away just because I'm an adult...but that doesn't mean I've gotten free from the incredible guilt that it causes.

[dawnd]

(hugs) I'm sorry you guys are having such trouble with this. The "can't be expected to cater her" phrase/idea really makes my blood boil. I actually had one of Allegra's *case managers* say something like it once. I snapped at her that I didn't CARE how many other children she had to deal with, and that RIGHT NOW, we were here to discuss MY CHILD. I disliked that woman an awful lot after 3 years of her excuses and arrogance. To her credit, however, she WAS the one that got us the in-depth testing, and after we got that, she was much less difficult. It's hard to ignore numbers like "1st percentile". *wry smile

[archanglrobriel]

*nod* We got Ree diagnosed kind of on the sly because she had to see a neurologist for her migraines and while we were there, we discussed our concerns with ADD and Asperger's and got her tested for those. Yep to both. Now the issue really is whether or not it's worth trying to get her really, really nonfunctional high school administration on board with getting her a performance plan and etc. They already told us once, despite Ree's having an IEP on file which legally they have to follow, that they didn't have the money to comply with the law. And then seeing how they handled Alex, I'm kind of loathe to even alert them to her presence

you don't have to keep doing this anymore

[dawnd]

Rob, What you are describing from your school district is *horrible* and you do not have to take it anymore. You CAN yank her out of school without running afoul of the law. You have several options

[gra_is_stor]

Ok, here's me biting another bullet. How does one get tested for AD(H)D as an adult? It's been tossed around as likely I had it as a kid, and I have seen my focus degrade more over the past few years than I had gotten to while in school myself. In school I was regularly meditating, which did cause a noticeable shift in my ability to stay focused, and I used hyperfocus A LOT - I was even able to read while a friend was having sex in the same room, and stay focused on my book

[dawnd]

Busy, but there's some info in this comment:
http://dawnd.livejournal.com/492715.html?thread=3634859#t3634859

It was AWESOME to have you here, and I insist you do it again next year!! if not before. ((hugs))

Probably have more time to talk tomorrow! (Fri)

[jensolo]

I have assumed for years that you had many of the same issues that I have around ADD, partly because of genetics and partly as a response to the environment we were raised in. Glad that you are now having this confirmed and getting help.

FYI, I have asked Allegra to give me a suggested weekend date when she could come to the city again and hang out with me for a day. We are going to Japantown. So maybe you could prompt her again? I need at least 48 hours notice, sometimes more depending on school. No rush but I want to be sure that we do get this scheduled eventually!

(((hugs)))

[dawnd]

I have tried to prompt her. Any luck?

[jensolo]

Not yet, but that's okay, I'm super super busy this coming weekend for sure. I'll keep trying :) Thanks for your assistance