A response to an Impossible (ADD) situation

[dawnd]

In response to a post in the ADDitudeMag forums, I wrote this.  It's a journey.  Learning to Love Myself (e.g., @ HAI L2) helps. :)

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I can relate.  I myself (49) was diagnosed only a couple of years ago, and only really got testing confirmation a few months ago.  I’m just beginning my journey with finding helpful meds. I’m finding

Comments

[archanglrobriel]

*nod* We got Ree diagnosed kind of on the sly because she had to see a neurologist for her migraines and while we were there, we discussed our concerns with ADD and Asperger's and got her tested for those. Yep to both. Now the issue really is whether or not it's worth trying to get her really, really nonfunctional high school administration on board with getting her a performance plan and etc. They already told us once, despite Ree's having an IEP on file which legally they have to follow, that they didn't have the money to comply with the law. And then seeing how they handled Alex, I'm kind of loathe to even alert them to her presence.
Ree says that the "helper" that the school assigned some of the other Asperger's kids in one of Ree's classes was a horrible woman who kept shouting "Don't talk to them! They have autism!" at all the other students any time they tried to interact with her charges, and generally embarrassing the holy hell out of the kids involved. Ree begged me not to tell her school anything about her testing and I can't say as I blame her for that. But it is hard to watch her struggle and watch her teachers blame and refuse to help her, even when we tell them how they could - with very minimal effort on their part.
Little things like the fact that the school refuses to give Ree a locker - even though there are plenty of empty lockers. They refuse to give her one because she couldn't be there to get one on the first day of school since I had an appointment with my cancer doctor on that day. Tough titty, says the evil school secretary...so now we have a kid who can't keep track of her personal stuff and who has executive function problems - who also has to carry everything with her in bags everywhere. Formula for total failure, anyone?
Then her teachers email me to tell me Ree's not turning in assignments she's lost. And I'm supposed to fix this somehow or they start giving me the stink eye.
I don't know...I'm just kind of done with them and their ineffectual, blamey, amateur hour bullshit. If I could yank Ree out of there altogether without running afoul of state law and irreparably harming her social life, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I can't believe how god awful our public school system has become.
I'm very interested in what you were saying about options for the future that don't include the University system. I managed to shove myself through the Uni, but it was not without its costs and frankly, I don't see the point right now for a kid like Ree - but I don't know what options there are otherwise either.
I definitely need to make sure my counselor - whenever I find another - has an ADD specialty. It's more pervasive and intrusive than I once would've thought, I'm finding. I recently refound my copy of "I'm not lazy stupid or crazy?" and re-reading that was ..surprisingly eye opening. And then reading some books on gifted kids and finding out that we tend to have a bit of hand in glove relationships with ADD...well crap monkeys! Did we ever have a shot? No, not really. Augh!
Anyway, I really appreciate you writing about it because it's definitely one of those things that can make a person feel very, very alone. And the school system's whole schtick seems to be set up to make you feel as lowly and bullied as possible. I get all flinchy and "house of my abuser" every time I have to go into the principal's office. *shudder* I'm really glad Ree only has a year and change to go until she is OUT of their nasty little mitts.

you don't have to keep doing this anymore

[dawnd]

Rob, What you are describing from your school district is *horrible* and you do not have to take it anymore. You CAN yank her out of school without running afoul of the law. You have several options:

1) You do something called an "R4 Affadavit" and declare yourself a private school (http://www.bayshoreeducational.com/start.html). We did that for Allegra's older sister, and she then took the GED (with final test results in the range of 96th to 98th percentile :^).)

2) You could sign Ree up for something like the K12 Online Public Schools: http://www.k12.com/schools-programs/online-public-schools, so you can have her do her last year from home.

3) I'm pretty sure that she's old enough (16) that she can take the CHSPE and leave early: http://www.cde.ca.gov/ta/tg/sp/.

4) If you felt really, really committed, you might be able to sign her up over at the East Bay School for the Arts (http://eba.schoolloop.com/) and drive her back and forth so she could get at least one year of sane education. You'd have to do an interdistrict transfer, but it's quite possible that you could pull it off. Last year when we were investigating that school for Allegra, they were still underenrolled as compared with their target (I think this is their 4th or 5th year in existence?), and they had some clear suggestions for how to apply by asking for specific arts programs that most of the public schools don't have. Or maybe there's a similar school closer to you, which would make it all a lot easier.

There are probably more as well. Please don't let Ree or yourself be tortured like this anymore.

((hugs))