How to hide a corpse
Title: Discussion of a Plan of Extreme Awesomeness, or How to Hide a Corpse
About: Lavi-killed-some-guy AU. Happens after this.
I feel tempted to get a name for this 'verse. Like Lavi's-a-murderous-idiot 'verse. Or dead-guy-at-my-door 'verse. Or something.
**
"We could just dump 'im in the river."
"Stuff would come up. Cop dogs could smell it on the surface. Fuck that."
"Sea, then?"
"And where would you get the boat, fuckwad?"
"I could get one."
"And how would you get the BODY of the fucker YOU KILLED there?"
"Well, we could cut-"
"Don't even finish that sentence or I swear by all that is fucked up in this world, I will END you."
"Then you would have two-" Kanda slowly lowered the beer can to the table and secured it in place with the dead guy's arm, then reached for the short knife he always had strapped to his forearm and began spinning it between his fingers at a dizzying speed, and Lavi felt the sudden urge to change the subject. "Man, are you seriously using the dead guy as a beer can holder?" Unfortunately, Lavi was never good at changing the subject when under stress. "What is wrong with you?"
The knife stopped spinning, pointing directly at Lavi's throat. "I don't need to hear that from the guy who killed the bastard. You're fucking using my kitchen table for him, then I can fucking put whatever I want on him." Kanda growled.
Lavi felt stuck between admiration and horror. Then he reflected a little on Kanda's words, and ended up doing something that was not quite laughing, but it wasn't exactly gagging either, when his brain went down a path it should never have even considered. "That is just sick." Sometimes Lavi really hated his brain.
Kanda's eyes narrowed. "Whatever disgusting, perverted thing you just thought of, stop it. Stop it now."
"Ugh." Lavi said.
"I'm going to dig out your brains through your nostrils one of these days. It might actually make you less idiotic enough for me to stand you."
"I'm going to let you do it one of these days. It might be less mind scarring."
They were silent for a few moments, considering that idea. Kanda retrieved his warm beer from the dead guy.
Then Lavi cleared his throat. "So," he said, going for a clearly fake cheerful tone, "Acid bath?"
"And where would you get the acid, dipshit?"
"Damn."
About: Lavi-killed-some-guy AU. Happens after this.
I feel tempted to get a name for this 'verse. Like Lavi's-a-murderous-idiot 'verse. Or dead-guy-at-my-door 'verse. Or something.
**
"We could just dump 'im in the river."
"Stuff would come up. Cop dogs could smell it on the surface. Fuck that."
"Sea, then?"
"And where would you get the boat, fuckwad?"
"I could get one."
"And how would you get the BODY of the fucker YOU KILLED there?"
"Well, we could cut-"
"Don't even finish that sentence or I swear by all that is fucked up in this world, I will END you."
"Then you would have two-" Kanda slowly lowered the beer can to the table and secured it in place with the dead guy's arm, then reached for the short knife he always had strapped to his forearm and began spinning it between his fingers at a dizzying speed, and Lavi felt the sudden urge to change the subject. "Man, are you seriously using the dead guy as a beer can holder?" Unfortunately, Lavi was never good at changing the subject when under stress. "What is wrong with you?"
The knife stopped spinning, pointing directly at Lavi's throat. "I don't need to hear that from the guy who killed the bastard. You're fucking using my kitchen table for him, then I can fucking put whatever I want on him." Kanda growled.
Lavi felt stuck between admiration and horror. Then he reflected a little on Kanda's words, and ended up doing something that was not quite laughing, but it wasn't exactly gagging either, when his brain went down a path it should never have even considered. "That is just sick." Sometimes Lavi really hated his brain.
Kanda's eyes narrowed. "Whatever disgusting, perverted thing you just thought of, stop it. Stop it now."
"Ugh." Lavi said.
"I'm going to dig out your brains through your nostrils one of these days. It might actually make you less idiotic enough for me to stand you."
"I'm going to let you do it one of these days. It might be less mind scarring."
They were silent for a few moments, considering that idea. Kanda retrieved his warm beer from the dead guy.
Then Lavi cleared his throat. "So," he said, going for a clearly fake cheerful tone, "Acid bath?"
"And where would you get the acid, dipshit?"
"Damn."