haven't smiled like THAT in awhile. haha

I don't believe i have the time
On wrist, or hand, or on the mind,
Nor heart to fight, escaping Fear.
It's fingers stretch to eyes and ears.
And mouth is left, but silent still.
No time to speak and never will.
For if it did, you could not hear.
No time implies the end is near.

the thing that keeps me from sleeping, that keeps me from being able to hold a smile, is that i have no idea who i am. i don't know what i like. i don't know what interests me. i don't know what i am genuinely good at. i don't allow myself to grow and i've trapped myself for years. and i don't even know why i am posting this. i'm gray.

i give up

keep talking.
the more you speak, the more i drift away from history.

this is getting worse.
it's starting to show in public now and i'm not doing anything for attention. i'm just unhappy. and i think this is the worst it's been. and i don't see anything coming along to change that in the near future. my time might just be up. nothing is real.

i have nothing here! NOTHING!

yo. there's nothing here for me.

1/12

in response to being asked how Rutgers is:

"Its so different, everyone wears weird clothes, and there's owls carrying around packages and kids riding fucking broomsticks its weird. plus, you know how hard it is to commute? fuckin train is impossible to find!"

hah!