Comments | datinandrelatin: How do you know it's the right time to get married?

hazelline in datinandrelatin

How do you know it's the right time to get married?

May 12, 2013 19:24

I've been finding it really hard to articulate what I'm worrying about but here goes... I'm moving in with my boyfriend for the summer, and there's a good chance he's planning to propose. We love each other, are committed to each other, and make each other happy - I'm not questioning if he's the right guy for me. My only niggle is the thought that ( Read more... )

long distance, long term, marriage, engagement

Comments 12

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hazelline May 13 2013, 19:07:36 UTC

Thanks for your response, I'm so glad your situation is working out for you! Have you talked much about where you plan on staying in the future, or navigating where you will raise kids (if you are planning on that), etc?

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hazelline May 13 2013, 20:36:18 UTC

That's kind of our situation too, with our jobs being US-based. He theoretically can find a job in his field in the UK, but he needs more experience here first. I am flexible, but since my area is American Studies, it's more directly applicable to doing work here.

Good luck with everything, it sounds like you're happy! Whereabouts in the UK are you living?

twentyfourhours May 13 2013, 17:43:51 UTC

a) some of your friends are still here and can be fully ranted to at your choosing!! :)
b) really really really look at http://www.visajourney.com. The forums are a goldmine of people going throguh the same thing, and people I used to know who did that move found it invaluable. you will be able to get more of an idea re timescale of processing and stuff, as from what I do remember it did take a longass time to process!
c) follow your heart, it never lets you down :)

hazelline May 13 2013, 19:08:37 UTC

Thanks for your response! I remember you mentioning these forums before, I should check them out properly now that finals are out the way...

aliwalas May 13 2013, 18:20:13 UTC

What's the rush ( ... )

hazelline May 13 2013, 19:18:07 UTC

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond ( ... )

aliwalas May 13 2013, 20:02:10 UTC

Glad it was of help ( ... )

jeh_jeh May 13 2013, 20:20:43 UTC

I think you've summed up the crux of your decision in this reply: if you feel like your life would be on hold if you stayed in the UK, go. Decisions like this are always going to seem huge and scary and terrifying, and I don't think anyone ever feels one hundred percent sure. I guess your situation is more complicated because you'll have to get married to get round the visa issues (even if this isn't your primary reason) but, at the end of the day, if it's a complete disaster you can just move home. It sounds to me like you're not going to make any life progress by staying in the UK, so I would just go. (I'm British, twenty-three and have done temporary long-distance. I couldn't have managed if I didn't have a concrete end point)

Thread 5

scien May 13 2013, 21:32:15 UTC

I know a few couples who got engaged/married in similar situations to you. That is, it was a case of get married, or return to a transatlantic visits thing. The results of engagements made under this kind of pressure in the small and biased sample of my friendship group can be summarised as 'mixed ( ... )

hazelline May 14 2013, 21:03:01 UTC

Thank you so much for your response, you make some excellent points ( ... )

bathingvenus May 22 2013, 01:08:10 UTC

I have a friend who was in a similar position to you - met her now husband studying abroad in England, did long distance for the rest of college, moved to London on a grad school visa, and got married soon after the end of their program. They got married earlier than they would have because of the visa, but they absolutely would have gotten married eventually regardless ( ... )